Showing posts with label false guilt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label false guilt. Show all posts

Empty buckets


I did an enneagram test for fun the other day. It said I was a 2 which basically is a helper who needs to be needed. It sounds like me. Or the past me.

Always trying to help and indeed, called on often in time of trouble, it has been my pleasure to respond to the call. Until recently.

Since we had so many changes in the last 6 months, I have found my spoons are lacking. I cry easily, both when I am sad and also when happy. I hunger for solitude and just watching the bird life around us. I need time to heal not only from the meniscus tear in my left knee, but emotionally. I am tired.

No matter how tired I feel, I drag myself to church because I need it. I am indeed grateful to the LORD for so much.  I love to listen to the Bible on You Tube and I play hymns in the background most of the day. Prayer is often ongoing for hours and I am gradually finding peace again.

It's good that we are now retired as there are days when the fibromyalgia flares and I can't stay awake, and I now just go to bed and have a nana nap whenever it is necessary. 

It has taken me 66 years to realise that it is true that 
  1. I am not responsible for fixing everything or everyone who is broken. But I can pray for them.
  2. It is OK to say no if I honestly can't cope with a request. I don't have to feel guilty 
  3. It is OK to admit to being over something and not to be stoic and push myself mercilessly
It is important to recognise burn out and to take steps to heal. Taking care of yourself is not being selfish. There will be time after your healing to be a helper again. Not recognising burn out will result in you having a physical or emotional meltdown. And no one is going to benefit if you have lost your joie de vivre or your milk of human kindness is dried up and you have only empty buckets to give.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat. Mark 6:31

Footnote: since writing this post, I have learned that enneagrams originated from new age practices and automatic writing. I will not be doing any quizzes etc regarding this again. Thank you, Janine for making me aware of this. 

Poppycock!



We gave such a lot happening today in this world that is frightening. It's no use trying to pretend that we are not at all concerned about what's happening: we would be fools not to be concerned about it.

I won't lie and pretend that I haven't been fearful, but I make myself remember God's promises to be with us no matter what, and I can bring the fear into the captivity of Christ.

We must cling to God and His promises if we are to have any peace about world events. We have to run to Him and not from Him.

Some people feel that if a Christian is afraid that they are not truly saved. That is a lie from Hell. It is just another way that the enemy gets to us when we are down. God does not turn away from us if we feel fear. He wants us to run to Him. He's a loving Father.

In running to Him, we will be comforted and have peace and that is something the evil one does not want. Those who judge the fearful Christian by saying they are not saved because of being afraid are doing the evil one's bidding: causing defeat, misery and false guilt.

The Word says that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Jesus calls Himself the Good Shepherd.

And our Good Shepherd laid down His life to save us. He's not going to turn us away because we are afraid.

To suggest that a moment of fearfulness means we are not saved is dangerous. It denies our humanity. It presumes to judge. It spreads falsehood. It negates the work of God. It upholds the work of Satan. It seeks to nullify the Blood of Christ.

I am sure that God would approve of my judgement of this false teaching by using one word to describe it: poppycock!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.  He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. Psalm 23

What a drenching!


There's nothing nicer than being in bed listening to the rain on a tin roof. Especially if you don't have to go out in it...

L

I took this picture from our back door just after I fed some bread to the birds that frequent our garden. I love the smell of the rain! We are getting some relief from the heat with a top temperature forecast for 21C or 69.8F. 

It was my plan to go to church this morning, but with all the storm activity yesterday my fibromyalgia's flaring and I honestly can't make it. Hopefully, next Sunday will be better.

Usually, I listen to the Bible on You Tube and worship and rest at home when I can't go. Which is often, unfortunately. 

I will be hanging up the clothes I took out to wear there this morning. Later on I will cook some curried sausages in the slow cooker, which is my favourite way of cooking when I am in a flare.

There are a few dishes in the sink soaking in hot soapy water as per Sylvia's Sunday List. I will attend to them later on after I have had a rest. 

It isn't ideal that I am seeking to go back to bed so early in the day, but such is the life of a chronically ill person. I no longer feel any false guilt over it like I did in the early days of finding out what my new normal would be.  I can only get through this flare by resting...

So list of to do's today:

  1. Hang up clothes
  2. Set slow cooker going with sausages for dinner
  3. Rest

And last but not least, I will be rejoicing as more rain falls giving our parched land a drenching! 


What more can I say?



Over the years, I have heard a lot of false teachings, seen a lot of strange things, and read a lot of false theology.  I have been the victim of some false teachings and false accusations, and when I questioned them, I was told that I had an unteachable spirit....  I have been swept along in hyper-faith teachings, until I realised that the problem with these is that they fail to allow God to be sovereign... they promote Self over God... sound familiar?

We are called not to judge people, however, we are wise to discern first what we will accept is from God. Be wise and do what the Bereans did- check everything you hear or read against the Word. If it doesn't line up, ditch it....and if someone doesn't agree with you after checking with the Word, don't accept what they have to say- especially if they say you disagree because you have an unteachable spirit.

If you have weighed up the teaching and found it contrary to the Word, and then someone tells you that you have an unteachable spirit, it closes the door to further conversation with them. Whatever they are teaching is not scriptural and they are not open to correction. What more can I say?

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so. Acts 17:11

Balance in all things!


All my writings are a call for common sense and balance in Jesus’ Name! Jesus taught balance in all His sermons. In every thing we should weigh up what is written against the Word of God and not take any persons' message as gospel.

In particular, I am speaking of Debi and Michael Pearls' teachings in their books To Train Up A Child and Created To Be His Helpmeet. After reading them, some people rave of benefits to their marriage and in child training, while most are floundering in guilt because nothing is helping and this is quite often, because the Pearls imply that mostly the woman has the power to change things. Obviously, God is the One Who changes things and all other efforts are doomed to failure. Reliance on God is not stressed in the books, in fact, self-reliance are preached. Talk about building your house on the sand!

However, there is a grain of truth in their books. Let’s acknowledge what little is good in these books, but try and put out the fire of damage that it has the potential of doing in the lives of those who take the Pearls advice to the extreme…I know without a doubt that there will be people who are hurt by over zealous application of some of the basically unsound and unscriptural suggestions regarding suffering in marriage and in child training! 

I will write about them as long as they are selling their books, because Christian families are being hurt by their ministry.

We need to pray for these wives and children…they will be the ones suffering whilst the few who report good changes in their marriages and family rejoice! Only the LORD will know how many really will profit by these applications.

Before you follow any ministry, weigh it up by what the Word says. Is it biblical? Is it loving? Is it something Jesus would do?   Line it up in the Word and pray about it before implementing it. Balance in all things is critical...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy. Psalm 82:3

Welcome Validation: False Guilt's cousin



Sometimes when I am having a flare of my fibromyalgia, I find that I need to feel validated in my sufferings. Not many people believe that fibromyalgia is real, and when you feel wiped out with chronic fatigue, endless pain and brain fog for weeks at a time, you can suffer from False Guilt. This is a cousin to needing Validation. So, feeling like that, I decided to look up some sites and recap the symptoms of the complaint. Here they are:

Fibromyalgia produces widespread pain, disturbed sleep, and exhaustion from head to toe.1 Fibromyalgia means pain in the muscles, ligaments, and tendons—the soft fibrous tissues of the body. Although the muscles hurt everywhere, they are not the only cause of the pain. Instead, the diffuse, body-wide symptoms are greatly magnified by malfunctions in the way the nervous system processes pain.2,3

Regional muscle pain not related to arthritis or the nervous system also occurs in the majority of people with fibromyalgia.4 Patients describe this as firm knots in the belly of muscles, often causing restricted movement and radiating pain.5 These muscle nodules are myofascial trigger points and some researchers suspect that these painful areas overlap with the tender points used to diagnose fibromyalgia.6

The symptoms of fibromyalgia are unpredictable and most patients are frustrated by their physical limitations and inability to make plans. You may feel as though you have to "push yourself" to get things done.7

Most patients with fibromyalgia say that their muscles feel like they have been pulled or overworked, and sometimes they twitch or cramp.8 Even the skin may feel badly sunburned.9 To help your family and friends relate to your fibromyalgia symptoms, have them think back to the last time they had a bad flu. Every muscle in their body shouted out in pain. In addition, they felt devoid of energy as though someone had unplugged their power supply.

Given that the symptoms may be similar to a viral flu, experts in the field of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome believe that these two illnesses may be one and the same.10 Gulf War syndrome also overlaps with these two conditions.11
Common symptoms:

Pain - Fibromyalgia pain has no boundaries. People describe the pain as deep muscular aching, throbbing, shooting, stabbing, or intense burning. Quite often, the pain and stiffness are worse in the morning, and muscle groups that are used repetitively may hurt more.12 In addition, the severity of regional pains (particularly those in the head, neck, shoulders and lower back) are a strong predictor of a person's overall pain rating.13 The muscles in these painful areas can feel tight, knotted and rope-like. Pressing on the firm, knotted region hurts and often causes the pain to shoot to other muscles when a myofascial trigger point is present.

Fatigue - This symptom can be one of the most incapacitating for people with fibromyalgia. Patients may feel as though their arms and legs are weighted down by concrete blocks and their bodies may be so drained of energy that every task is an effort.7

Memory and Concentration - Difficulty concentrating and retaining new information may seriously interfere with everyday mental tasks.14 This symptom is referred to as "fibro fog" and may hinder job opportunities. In particular, fibromyalgia patients have serious difficulty retaining new information if they are distracted.15

Sleep Disorders - Patients report trouble falling asleep and more importantly staying asleep, but the unrefreshing quality is what makes the disorder much worse than insomnia. Repeat arousals prevent patients from reaching deep, restorative sleep.16 As a result, the night is spent in "quasi-sleep" and patients wake up feeling as though they have been run over by a Mack truck. An overnight sleep study will likely show repeat arousals with bursts of awake-like brain activity occurring throughout the night, but a specific sleep disorder may not be identified.17

Exercise Difficulties - Moderate intensity exercise activates a powerful pain-relieving system in healthy people, but it makes the pain of fibromyalgia worse.18 This is why initiating an exercise program may make you achy and tired. However, if you do not exercise on a regular basis, the performance of normal daily living activities will start to cause more pain. Rather than give in to the increased pain sensitivity related to exercise, patients are advised to do mild exercise in short intervals (such as five minutes at a time) to keep the muscles fit while not over-taxing them. A study in Sweden revealed that half of the fibromyalgia patients found it impossible or difficult to climb stairs and a majority of patients could not run. Just standing for five minutes was extremely taxing to one-fourth of the patients.19

Irritable Bowel Syndrome - Constipation, diarrhea, frequent abdominal pain and bloating, abdominal gas, and nausea represent symptoms commonly found in roughly 40 to 70 percent of fibromyalgia patients.20

Chronic Headaches - Recurrent migraine or tension headaches are experienced by 50 to 70 percent of fibromyalgia patients. Most headaches are rated as severe, occur at least two times per week, and often have a migraine component.21 Referred pain from myofascial trigger points in the shoulder, neck, and head muscles are suspected to be responsible for most tension-type headache and also play a role in migraines.22

Jaw Pain - Temporomandibular joint dysfunction causes tremendous jaw-related face and head pain and affects one-quarter of fibromyalgia patients. Typically, the problems are related to the muscles and ligaments surrounding the jaw joint and not necessarily the joint itself.23

Other Common Symptoms - Non-cardiac chest pain, acid reflux, irregular heart beat or palpitations, shortness of breath, numbness and tingling sensations, the feeling of swollen extremities, chemical sensitivities, nasal congestion, premenstrual syndrome and painful periods, irritable bladder, interstitial cystitis, vulvodynia (vulvar pain), difficulty focusing eyes, dry or burning eyes and mouth, dizziness or feeling faint, profuse sweating, muscle weakness and balance issues can occur.24,25,26 Fibromyalgia patients are often sensitive to odors, loud noises, bright lights, some foods, and often the medications that they are prescribed.27

Aggravating Factors - Changes in weather, cold or drafty environments, hormonal fluctuations (premenstrual and menopausal states), stress, depression, anxiety, and over-exertion can all contribute to fibromyalgia symptom flare-ups.12
Fibromyalgia Quick Facts

* Affects 3 to 5 percent of the general population28
* Occurs in people of all ages, even children
* Men develop fibromyalgia too, although more women are diagnosed with it
* Symptoms are chronic but may fluctuate throughout the day
* Roughly one-quarter of people with fibromyalgia are work-disabled12

The general consensus here in Australia is that fibromyalgia is all in ones' head and that the sufferer is a malingerer. Certainly this exacerbates False Guilt and invites his cousin, Validation into the scene. Although I am aware of false guilt leading to me wanting to feel validated, I still succumb to it at times of prolonged flares such as this one I am experiencing at the moment.

I have *every* one of these symptoms, so I feel validated. So welcome Validation: hopefully he and his cousin won't be staying long!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Psalm 31:24

Finding comfort in Gods' Order


You may remember the post I wrote about Gods' Umbrella Of Protection. It is a great comfort to me as a Sacrificial HomeKeeper who often wonders just where she fits in Gods' Big Plan for her life.

When I had been ill when my children were young, I used to fret that I couldn't go to certain places like footy matches to watch them play or participate in Mothers' Clubs at the local school.

I used to obsess that I should be doing more in the house as I endured six months of glandular fever that wouldn't go away. I would do some housework in my dressing gown only to break out in a sweat and retreat again to my bed, where I would read to my children until I fell asleep with my glasses on and the book over my face. And my mother would take over in the afternoon shift leading to tea time.

Depression would kick in and probably in hindsight, helped my disease linger so long. And I really needn't have been so depressed. Because a lot of that was a feeling of false guilt and wondering where I was in Gods' plan. Well, I was right where He wanted me to be!

"You mean, He wanted you flat on your back too tired to breathe?" you ask. No, but I was exactly in Gods' Order... in spite of that!

I was first and foremost a child of God. I was a faithful albeit sick wife, and a loving mother to my four little ones: four children under five at the time. And I was still mistress of my home. My (then) husband and mother would consult me on matters pertaining to the home, and I kept a watchful eye on what was going on. So all in all, I was very much under Gods' Umbrella of Protection.

As I have mentioned before, being a faithful Christian woman is not about about how fast you spin your wheel. It is about your heart attitude. Indeed, you are not in control of your illness but you are in control of your attitude and where you are in Gods' Order.

God understands that you can't be participating in Mothers' Clubs (PTA) meetings, church or prayer meetings: indeed these are secondary to where He wants you to be. And if you are His child, faithfully married and overseeing the care of your home and children from your sick bed, then that is where He wants you to be for a season- however short or long that may be.

Knowing this helps me now, but how I wish I had seen that forty years ago! Let me encourage you in this, and may you derive comfort from knowing you are exactly where you should be at this time: under Gods' Umbrella of Protection! That comfort could very well help you recover sooner: Gods' Ways are always good!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

He hath shewed thee, O man, what [is] good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8


Keeping house in a RV


As you know, we live in a RV. Most people think that life is one big holiday, but to be honest, each day brings its list of chores to be done. As our RV is our home, and we live in it full time, housework fills our days just as it does in a sticks and bricks home.

In an effort to keep my home as I like it, I use a combination of Sylvias' Lists according to the day, and FlyLady On any given day, I won't know which method I will be using until I wake, then it will depend entirely upon how I am feeling.

If I am feeling ill, I will just keep to Sylvias' Lists, just selecting the appropriate day in the sidebar and doing just that. If I feel well enough, I will use FlyLady, checking what Zone I am in at the time and doing a little of that as well as the days List in Sylvias' Lists. It is amazing how much you can fit in in 15 minutes. Usually though, that 15 minutes in my zone is enough to deplete my excess energy.

I don't obsess about it but follow my own methods of homemaking, nor do I allow myself to sink into false guilt - because feeling guilty just saps us of emotional energy we need to direct to something positive.

Chronic illness never goes on holiday so although I have less to keep clean than I had before, I find I still have to watch my spoons and pace myself.

I hope these Lists help you attend to your home as you cope with chronic illness.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

Confessions of a sick housewife


As you probably know, I am trying to cope with heart problems, arthritis, fibromyalgia and back problems. That should be enough to cope with, but added to that, we are moving house tomorrow to become grey nomads and travel round Australia.  But right now,  I am totally exhausted!

Furthermore, as I packed stuff and cleaned the house, I was appalled at how dirty our home had become! In fact, I cried! I would be totally ashamed to sit at my kitchen table to share a cuppa with you with the state it has gotten in. As I scrubbed my stove top and cleaned my oven, it occurred to me that I had no right writing posts about homemaking when my home was so dirty! This realisation coupled with fatigue sent me in a downward spiral which the Evil One was only too happy to escort me to.

Seeking to refresh my lagging spirits, I listened to the Word on CD as I cleaned and I cried out to the LORD. Literally cried. Although I felt no physical refreshment, the Word ministered to my spirit. I felt amazingly and unconditionally loved and I can't say I heard the LORD, but I did receive a definite feeling of understanding and compassion in my spirit. This came as 'self-talk' but it was not from my self. You just know when God has spoken to your spirit. He always encourages you even when chastising, and even in chastisement, there is always a way out and a hope! This never comes from the Evil One!

I felt that I was being too hard on myself, given the circumstances of my ill health. I questioned if what I write is true, and it is. It is something that I aspire to, try to achieve and totally believe. The fact that I cannot achieve this at the moment is irrelevant. My heart and spirit are in the exhortations that I write. Therefore, I am not a hypocrite. You have got to believe me when I say that this ministered to me so much, that I felt the weight of false guilt just roll off my shoulders.

I am battling so many things right now. Including fear of the future, death, worsening health issues and pain.  I do so desire you to uphold me in your prayers and not to think too badly of me as I confess these shortcomings to you.....

I am sorry that I have disappointed some of you with this confession..... sometimes things get on top of me! Thank you to those of you who are praying for me. Perhaps it was these prayers that have led me back from The Pit.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Hebrews 12:8

Sick wives despised by their husbands



I have recently read Debi Pearl's book "Created To Be His Helpmeet" Frankly, I think the book is scripturally unsound and borders on demeaning and insulting to women. What Debi Pearl says about the sick wife is just one area where I find a lack of compassion and an almost mysogynistic outlook. Here is what she says:

"being pitiful, hurt, discouraged and even sickly is one side of a “bad marriage” coin. Men in general (your husband in particular), are repulsed by women who project this image. A man’s spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react in anger.”
As a woman who suffers from illnesses that cause chronic pain and fatigue, I am so overjoyed to report that my husband doesn’t treat me as a faulty appliance which causes him great anger, but he cherishes me and tries to alleviate my suffering on bad days by sharing in my tasks and closing an eye to that which can’t be done on any particular day. After all, we promised to love each other in sickness and in health. Isn’t that type of commitment what God wants in marriage? So this chapter got me thanking God for the blessing of a husband who puts me first when I need it.

We sacrificial home keepers have enough on our plates already: trying to cope with our illness, be a good wife and mother and run our home. We often deal with disbelieving family members when the illness is an invisible illness like fibromyagia and chronic fatigue. Most likely you too have thought, like I do, that sometimes it would be easier to have an illness or disability that is highly visible rather than endure snide remarks about laziness and so on as we battle on.

Debi and Michael Pearl lack compassion, empathy and love. In my opinion, they lack many Christlike attributes that are the hallmark of a Christian. To put such a heavy yoke onto a sick woman's shoulders is to cause her added stress and anxiety. It is not the way of Christ.

I believe that the majority of sick women fight a courageous battle and do an overwhelmingly good job of being a Helpmeet to their husband. They are usually the hardest on themselves for they want to do that which their healthier Sisters do and they often fail. They do not need the likes of some author (Christian or not), putting the boot in and blaming them for their husbands' anger and spiritual unease. Nor do they need to be made anxious about their marriage.

Over the years, I have observed marriages where the wife is ill and I have seen that the majority of husbands are not as Debi Pearl claims. They love their wife and usually do all they can to support her in her homemaking efforts. They bring their children in line and demand that they take their mothers' health into consideration.

This is the love Christ wants for us, not the "love" portrayed by Debi Pearl. We would do well to reject her ideas on the sick spouse and to thank God that we have the Holy Spirit to lead us into Truth. He is indeed our Comforter.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks



And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick. Matthew 14:14

Church at home


Chronic illness and pain bring us a new normal. Often it is very different to life in the past. But there's nothing we can do to change our circumstances. We have to adapt.

I do home church now. Chris has always played Songs of Praise on Channel 2 and we sing along, I listen to some sermons that my local church pastor preaches... (he's good) and then I listen to worship music on my computer. 

I certainly miss the corporate worship, but it's the way it is now and I have to mark the LORD'S Day as best I can. We are OK with that. I often take Communion by myself. It is meaningful to me.

Not attending church is not the ideal, but then having to find out our new normal isn't ideal either. By worshiping at home and making an effort to mark the LORD'S Day, my spirit is nourished nearly as much as if I attended church.

Apart from listening to Songs of Praise, my morning routine of worship and time with the LORD look a lot like Sunday. That's what I tell myself anyway. I can't allow myself to feel false guilt over something beyond my control. In church or at home, my commitment is always with Him.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"For the eyes of the LORD range though out the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." 2 Chronicles 16:9

When your world is turned upside down



When one is first diagnosed with an illness, it is quite common to be in disbelief or even denial. After all, some illnesses come as a shock and have the potential to change our life forever. This requires us to rethink how we will cope with the illness, its treatment and life in general.

Sometimes we struggle to get a grip of the ramifications that illness makes in our life, but sooner or later, we are going to have to get our head around the fact that things will change. To function, they have to.

If diagnosis of an illness has caused a depression which lingers for more than a few weeks or causes panic attacks, I suggest that a doctor is seen for antidepressants. These may be needed only short term until the illness is accepted. And it must be accepted sooner or later.

Only in coming to terms with being chronically ill, can we make plans to handle the changes that being ill will bring. We will need to plan our days as wives, mothers and homemakers. (See Lists)
We must cling to Jesus and allow Him to minimise the shock and help us regain our focus. We must also plan our treatments and care.

Scary as it is, chronic illness must be addressed as soon as we are able... our future and our family's future depend on us accepting our illness so that we can move on. Easier said than done when your world has been turned upside down.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

Recognising false guilt

As a chronically ill woman, I know too well the false guilt we all feel when we can't get enough energy up to do what we long to do. We know what we should be doing, and we want to but our bodies are tired and hurting. Although God reminds us and shows us what direction we should be taking, He does understand that our bodies are but dust and has compassion on us. The false guilt comes from the Evil One. Listening to him brings on depression and compounds our problems...

Likewise, we often get in a spin trying to work out how to serve the LORD and we feel that we come way short of the mark during times of illness. We often miss the fact that we are serving Him in our homes and in our family life in spite of not spinning our wheel as fast as we would like. Service starts with a heart choice and doesn't depend on perfection. We can serve God even as we battle illness or fatigue. It's not about how fast we spin our wheel, but if we want to and then try to! And as FlyLady says, "Housework done imperfectly still blesses your family!"

Because I battle with illness constantly and walk that weary path every day, I see that you can have a servant's heart but can still bear an extra load in false guilt. For those of you who do, I pray that you can talk kindly to yourself and learn to have more compassion on yourself- the road is not easy and you will find many others who have fallen along the way, giving up the battle and feeling overwhelmed. I do not believe the LORD wants that for us...

I highly recommend Sylvia of Christian Homekeeper's lists on homemaking for the chronically ill woman. I follow that closely (adapted for my own home) and it helps me no end.... Physically and emotionally. Through following Sylvia's lists, I can usually lay down the burden of false guilt and still have a reasonably clean and tidy home.

May God bless you as you purposely and diligently serve Him in your home, in spite of your pain.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Even to your old age, I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you!  I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you.  Isaiah 46:4

They suffer in silence


I write to encourage chronically ill women, but I know there are many men who follow with us, walking the long weary journey of pain with all its' ramifications. 

Men are often the butt of jokes regarding "man flu" and so on, making out that  they can't cope with pain or illness like we women. They are made out to be babies when it comes to illness: but I beg to differ.

I have seen chronic illness in men first hand with my own father and later step-father. Dad died at 50 and in his short life he battled through 8 heart attacks and 3 strokes. Even feeling at his worst, usually only a few weeks after a heart attack, he would front up to work in order to keep Mum and us 4 children. Even when taped up with broken ribs, Dad still went to work every day. He was my hero!

Forever stoic, he amazed the doctors when just days after his open heart surgery he raised his arms high during physio, ignoring the pain. He was determined to work through it all and get on with his life. Sadly this didn't happen and he died just 6 weeks after from complications. 

My step-father fought a brave battle with emphysema, forever cheerful through gasped breaths. He too worked through pain to keep his family with 3 children and took on the role of carer for his first wife as she fought a brave battle with breast cancer. It was very rare that he bemoaned his twisted hands with arthritis from working outdoors filling petrol tanks on cars docked on the wharf and walking miles every day up and down those wharves.

So stoic was my step-father that the day before he died when he felt a bit agitated, I massaged his feet and cut his toenails, only to find the most deformed and gnarled feet that it took my breath away. Not a word of complaint all those years at work! 

I sometimes wonder why ill men often don't make a fuss about their illness. I believe it is because men have been portrayed as strong at all times. And they certainly never cry. Yet to me, it would be somewhat therapeutic if they could cry, even in private. 

Tears could come for all the physical pain involved in illness, all the anxiety of tests or chemo or surgeries or even needles. And surely a tear could expel some deep fears of not being able to earn enough to provide not only for family, but medical aid. But you rarely find a man will allow himself to break down, even momentarily.

It is common knowledge that most men won't see a doctor until they are truly ill. They continue steadfastly working and hoping that what ails them will pass. They are no sissy as jokes proclaim.

I do not like jokes about sick men. They (you if you are a man), carry not only the burden of their illness, but the burden of being a provider. They carry the burden of society's stereo-typing of their gender. Tough. Unbreakable. Superhuman. A big burden which causes tired shoulders to wilt. 

To the sick men out there, I pray that you will find someone or somewhere to let down your guard and facade.  I pray not only for your healing physically, but emotionally. I am praying for you to be respected as worthy of compassion and care. I want those who you serve and for whom you strive every. single. day. to appreciate your sacrificial love for them. And I want validation for you as chronically ill people. 

 You guys rock! So thank you from all of us who know you and love you. May the LORD richly bless you as you suffer in silence. For despite the jokes, reality says that you really do.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 1:2

Feminism has burst our bubble


When I was a young woman feminism was just rearing its ugly head. It swept through womankind in the Western world and excited them as they plowed through piles of ironing and household chores. It promised liberation from drudgery and new freedom in the world outside the home.

No longer was it acceptable to be a home maker, serving our husband and family, but it denigrated us women, making us appear as mindless creatures who couldn't think for ourselves. We women, happy to bear and raise our children,  were despised and even pitied.

It became easier to have an abortion and with the advent of The Pill, the reproductive cycle of womankind was controlled. Fornication, adultery and promiscuity became the norm with women often becoming the more sexually aggressive of the sexes. With these changes and with the ensuing disrespect for their husbands, no fault divorce was made law and many many marriages failed.

Young girls were not shown home making skills but were taught to study hard and go to university and have a career. Many found to their dismay later in life, that they didn't know how to run a home or cook. The newest generation became latch key children and often came home to an empty house.

Feminism was touted as a woman's right, along with having a career and not having children later on if they even married. And like many feminists, many found that by the time they were ready for children, that they were unable to conceive

Feminism for the most part, has been successful. The woman who longs to be a wife and mother and not work outside the home is treated contemptuously by society in general, even in church circles. She often is made to feel inferior every time the question is asked as to what she does for a living. Apparently, being a woman who works hard in her home is nothing warranting praise. 

For the woman who wants to have a lot of children, there is nothing but raised eyebrows and smart comments when they find out another child is expected. It is a common thing today to be ousted from society because one does not follow the world's way but delights in being a Proverbs 31 wife.

However, there is now a draw back to feminism, with many women wanting to be stay at home wives and mothers, but such is the thrust of feminism that many husbands do not want their wives to give up work. Women are therefore stuck in the rut that feminism has created for them.

Pregnancy is often something that women are made to curtail or postpone because of their career, and the longing to have a child is often suppressed with a great burden of guilt to boot.

Feminism goes against God's Divine Order and His plan for biblical womanhood. It has done a lot of harm to women, marriage and families and has made women ill from trying to keep it all together.

Far from the freedom that they strove for, feminism has created a bondage for women and actually limits their potential. There is no way back for society generally and there's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Feminism has burst our bubble.


 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

Isaiah 3:11-13 Woe unto the wicked! it shall be ill with him: for the reward of his hands shall be given him. As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. The LORD standeth up to plead, and standeth to judge the people.

In the round file


As you know, yesterday I turned 66 and as one often does on a birthday, it reminded me of a former birthday when I was working outside the home...

Still engaged to Chris, I was needing to work to save for our wedding and for a deposit on our home. I had previously worked in office administration, school offices and employment agencies. I ended up in a Human Resources office in customer service for those looking for employment. It was a plum job in our capital city, Melbourne.

The day my eyes were opened to the fact that employment agencies don't care if you find a job or not was in fact my 45th birthday and it was my job description to short list the many resumes that came to our office. Those who were deemed appropriate for a certain position were put in the short list for an interview with one of our human resources personnel and others were placed in the "round file" aka the bin for later shredding.

I had prepared a short list of highly skilled and suitable applicants for jobs and I truly believed they would have been worthy of an interview. To my shock, they were dumped back on my desk and I was given strict instructions to cull them further from now on and put any applicants who were 45 years old or over in the round file. I was so angry!

Protesting, I said that many were people with school aged children just trying to put bread and butter on the table and pay off a mortgage or rent. Further, I stated that they were in the middle of their child raising years and needed a job. I also pointed out that "today" was my own 45th birthday, and here I was, chucking them into the round file! 

Their only response was "do as you are told" and later on, as was the custom on a birthday,  I brought in a cake to share with them at lunch, their response was to boycott both myself and my cake. 

Finally, I was made to take note of the poor applicants who were put in the round file for shredding and tell them that unfortunately they were unsuccessful at this time. In response to their questions and protests, I had a script I read from... "I am sorry, but there were so many applicants for this position and unfortunately you weren't as highly qualified as them... yada yada"  they couldn't even be honest to their clients.

I was saddened and angry with these girls who really had tickets on themselves and who, in spite of doing professional courses and having degrees in Human Resources, had no people skills or compassion. It really was the pits to be forced to lie to these applicants just trying to make ends meet and provide for their family.  With Chris's permission, I quit working there and went on to work in office administration until we were married.

Why do I tell you this? you ask. Because I don't want you visiting the Pit of Despair and thinking you are of little value to the workforce. It isn't you. It's them. And the only choice you have is to know that not all Employment Agencies are like them and you have to keep trying.

Keep your head up, and your confidence intact. And pray for an agency that values the older worker. It was something I did for every application I had to place in the round file and for everyone I had to contact as unsuccessful. Prayer changes things, so remember that with God, we are never placed in the round file and lied to.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom. Psalm 90:12

Of surrender and respite



Accepting that one's life is going to be difficult due to ongoing illness makes for a happier life. When the chronically ill person decides to give it to God, and to cling to Him instead of succumbing to false guilt or anger, life takes on a normality in what many would see as anything but. It is a surrender, if you will.

Because we suffer does not make us second-class Christians, as some false teachings would purport. Nor does it mean we are faithless or aren't reading our Bibles or standing on the promises of God regarding healing. 

Furthermore, being ill does not check us out of God's watchful Eye of concern, or mean that He is an uncompassionate God. No, we all are subject to frailties and problems in the flesh because we live in a fallen world... we have not been singled out to suffer...

God has given us things to do in our suffering and it is important that we stay close to Him and continue to read the Word and pray. It is not that God has moved, when He feels far away during a flare or illness, but our emotions are also hurting as a result of our condition. 

It is important to pray that God heal us, and to ask the Church to anoint us with oil according to the Scriptures... It is essential to our emotional and spiritual health to  stay in the faith and believe that God can heal us, but to pray for strength until- or even IF it is His will to do so.

I know that should/when another fibromyalgia flare comes for me that I will have to cling to Jesus and reread what I have written here (for I write it for myself as well as you).  I will need to surrender this next painful chapter of my life, knowing that God will still be there for me.

Surrendering our pain and our life to God is the only thing we can do.... meanwhile, I thank Him for the few days of respite....

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him,anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.  James 5:13-15

Out of control


My first marriage was very violent and traumatic for me. I was constantly shouted at by my ex-husband, with him screaming at me so closely that there was spittle on my glasses and face. This was often punctuated with a smack across the face or a punch in the jaw. In fact, he dislocated it once and to this day, I have problems with clicky jaw and TMJ...
Just after our 17th anniversary, I was trying to get something down from our wardrobe and I was standing on a bedside table..the table toppled over and my leg was badly bruised, but what hurt the most was that my husband came in roaring at me and punched me between the shoulder blades.. I don't know what happened, but I started howling and screaming like a wild woman and I couldn't stop it or the shaking that convulsed my body... even he was shocked..

I rang my mother and she took me to the doctor who gave me an injection to calm me... it did nothing. Mum rang him and he said that she should take me to hospital as he couldn't help any further..   So for the whole day I sat beside my hospital bed, blowing into a paper bag and talking to the psychiatrist for more than a couple of hours. He gave me a diagnosis of  extreme  stress and urged me to leave my husband,  which I did 8  years later.  I was discharged and sent home to my husband who informed me that I wasn't mad and didn't need to go to hospital even though he said I was mad every time I reacted to his abuse..
Being so low emotionally and mentally gave me insight into the way people view mental illness.. my family were appalled that I needed to talk to someone about it and I was urged to keep it private. This served to make me feel more alone and isolated than I already felt. To this day, fully recovered and now happily remarried, I feel anger at society's handling of the mentally ill..
Nervous breakdowns, stress induced illnesses, bi-polar, depression, schizophrenia and other mental illnesses do not make a person bad or someone to be hidden from society. We need to remember that they are suffering from invisible illnesses every bit as painful as a broken leg. We need to pray for them and treat them respectfully. They already will be suffering the added burden of shame and guilt for something that is out of their control.. 

PS I have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder now. But in spite of being happily remarried for 21 years, I find I am still effected by my past marriage...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.' Isaiah 41:13

My cleaning schedule


I have a monthly cleaning schedule which I try to adhere to. Generally, I manage to keep up with it, but there are days when fibromyalgia or angina kick in and I can't follow it.

I have included it here for easy access to it for myself, and in the hopes that it may help someone else who is trying to keep up with their own home. I am over feeling guilty for being ill. Sometimes we have to accept that we can't be the same as a healthier woman. Thank God, He knows my frame.



  MONTHLY CLEANING SCHEDULE

WEEK 1–KITCHEN /DINING ROOM

Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
Church
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Sort pills
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Bins/litter




Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes


WEEK 2–ENTRYWAY /LIVING AREAS 

SUNDAY
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
Church
Laundry
Fold/Put Up

Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Sort pills
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Bins/litter


Aldi and
Chemist

Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes

WEEK 3–BEDROOM/OFFICES

SUNDAY
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
Church
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Sort pills
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Bins/litter




Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes

WEEK 4–BATHROOMS /LAUNDRY ROOM 

SUNDAY
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
Church
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Sort pills
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Change sheets 

Bins/litter


Aldi and
Chemist

Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes



© Glenys Robyn Hicks


For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust  Psalm 103:14