I would still sit alone

When I was working in an office about 20 years ago, we would all take our lunch together in the tea room.  We ate and chatted and sometimes one particular very self opiniated woman would preside over our talks.

She was very proud of her son who had graduated as a pharmacist and who had his own pharmacy. We saw no harm in that: we would have been proud of his achievements if he was our own son. But one day, she overstepped the mark and upset quite a few women at the table. Myself included.

One of the conversations centred around drug addicts and she declared them all to be a waste of space and definitely would be better off overdosing and dying and getting it over with. 

At the time I was a mother of two drug addicted sons who I love dearly and pray for daily with the gut wrenching and desperate prayers that only a mother prays- I took exception to that.

With my stomach turning ill, I picked up my sandwich and took my cup of  tea out of the tea room and ate and drank it in my car. She really was too much. I wanted my sons to be delivered and live.

From that day on, I avoided eating my lunch in the tearoom, especially if she was there, but one day I was asked by my boss to make him a coffee, and one of my former lunchtime companions was there.

She asked me directly why I never ate with the women anymore and I told her the truth. I told her that so and so was so hurtful in the things she says and so prideful of her son that she had no consideration that there may be mothers there with prodigal and wayward children who were also drug addicted.

To my surprise, she shared that she too was no longer taking her lunchbreak with so and so because she too had a drug addicted son and it was just too painful to consider that he was better off overdosing.

I said that I was praying for my sons and that I live in fear that they will overdose and I cannot sit and listen to her without feeling sick to the stomach.

She agreed and said that was why she too took her lunchbreak in her car away from her as well. We both agreed that one had to be feeling strong to listen to her raving.

One who doesn't have wayward or prodigal children like so and so had, can not imagine the constant fear when the phone rings that it will be news that her child has indeed overdosed. It gnaws at a mother's heart constantly.

As a Christian, all life is precious and all drug addicts have been enticed by carnal desires and instant gratification and this is something that is very hard to break from. Even with the LORD. Such is the hold from drugs that many have succumbed to their addiction praying for deliverence. And they are saved. They are, because Jesus died for our past, present and future sin. And addiction is sin.

There is hope in Christ and today one of my sons has broken from addiction and can testify that God heard my prayers. I continue to pray for the other who battles with it even while loving the LORD.

To tell me that either of these sons or even your son or daughter who battles drug or alcohol addictions is better off dead is evil. It limits God's ability to heal and deliver us and negates His Blood, and sees only successful humans as worthy of that. None of us are worthy but are sinners saved by Grace.

Nothing has changed my mind about her and people like her: if I turned back the clock, I would still sit alone.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. Romans 14:8

Safe under His wings

 

Everyone knows the world has become a crazy place to live in. But in our moments of fear or danger, God gives us the promise of His heart felt and constant protection and care.

I used to be afraid at night as a child due to my father's alcoholism, and at a very young age, I memorised Psalm 91. Snuggling under my blankets, I would pray the Psalm to stop the fear...

Today, I still cling to the LORD for His protection and for His comfort. I picture myself under His wings as I find refuge from the trials and fears in the life.

In  this present day of wars and worry, it is critical that we read our bibles and pray. There's a lot of deception and only the LORD can direct us to truth... 

Learn and read Psalm 91... and take heart in Deuteronomy 33:12  You will be safe under His wings. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

 

"The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by Him, Who shelters him all the day long; And he shall dwell between His shoulders."  Deuteronomy 33:12

Kingdom Words

                        

When I was young growing up in a house of alcoholics  I often heard profanities and swearing. Even at a young age, I hated it and grew up to be anxious hearing it.

With their sobriety, however temporary, came a respite from words of filth and it was a welcome time of reasonable peace.

Later on in my first marriage, I was the target of abusive filthy comments punctuated by blasphemies. It was soul destroying. I longed for the peace that wholesome words brought.

The words of the world, especially of the base world where God is not a holy word, but a blasphemed expletive, and people are described in terms that would make a sailor blush- do not edify, but bring the hearers  down. 

Words are so powerful and can be used for good or evil. They can be as sharp as a sword, piercing through one's heart, remembered for all time. Or they can be a soothing balm.

The scriptures tell us the power of words are so effective that we are to choose our words wisely, edifying and building up only. We are to have kindness on our tongue at all times.

The words we speak will show what is in our heart and soul. We will be judged for every idle word we have ever spoken.

Words that uplift us and that calm us and give us peace are what I term "Kingdom Words"...

Let's think of that peace by reading some Kingdom Words in the Bible, of which there are thousands. I have selected a few for illustration...

 

grace, forgiveness, mercy, love, justice, righteousness, holiness, kindness, honesty, peace, hope, joy, faithfulness, gentleness, humility...

 

Let us cultivate our speech to be a blessing to the hearers and let us train ourselves to reject the use of questionable and hateful language.. Let "Kingdom Words" have dominion in our vocabulary and bless others with them.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Proverbs 18:21

Only God can change your man!

My childhood was not a really good one. My father was an alcoholic and Mum's brother who lived with us was also one. Anger and domestic violence were our lot, especially on weekends.

My mother particularly hated drink and was a tea-totaller herself. I wondered why she married Dad as they were not really well suited. But I think Mum made the fatal mistake of thinking that her love would be stronger than the alcohol and that she would change him after they were married.

Unfortunately, the alcohol was stronger than his love for her, and Mum became a vicious shrew to him and us children.

The more Mum tried to change Dad, the more he rebelled and I can still remember him sitting in his armchair in the lounge room. He would look thoughtfully at the glass of beer he was holding and say loudly, 'I am what I am!' and Mum would taunt him by singing "Nowhere man!" to him. We would then have to flee late at night with Dad throwing beer bottles at us as we frantically ran down the street.

I know God can miraculously deliver people from alcoholism, but unfortunately Dad only gave it up when he had open heart surgery at the tender age of 50. He died six weeks later...

I didn't pick up on the red flags in my own hasty marriage in 1969. At the tender age of 16 I got engaged, became pregnant and married two months later. It was a marriage that nearly didn't take place.

As I said, I should have seen the red flags: the cruelty to animals, the bashing of homosexuals: (before I met him, but he bragged about it), the talking over me, and the strong will that was overbearing. Well, I think I did see those flags, as after a particularly nasty argument, I decided I would break the engagement. 

I was a little hesitant to do that because my period was late.  I broke my parents' hearts when I told them the result was positive and they offered me a view options.

• They would arrange an abortion: no way would I abort a child. Besides, I was hoping that my child  perhaps would love *this* love-starved child.

• They would keep the child and raise it as their own: they would have to be kidding- I was already planning the nursery in a home where there would be peace. After all, love would conquer all once we were married...

• Or they would arrange a hasty marriage... that was the option I took.

But there was no peace, for no sooner had the confetti blown away than the abuse started and when I lost those twin girls six months later, I cried for the babies dying and for the mess I was in.

My marriage lasted 25 long years and I had plenty of time to realise that love does not conquer all. It is far better to stay single than be with the wrong person.

If you can't respect him or condone what he does prior to marriage, don't marry him! People do not usually change just because you marry them or you have a child.

Look carefully before you enter into marriage and never think you will have the power to change your husband after you become his wife. 

We are his wife first, not his mother. Wives accept their husbands as they are, they don't train him.

Don't marry him if you have any doubts and think you can change him after, because only God can change your man! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

Kingdom Words

When I was young growing up in a house of alcoholics  I often heard profanities and swearing. Even at a young age, I hated it and grew up to be anxious hearing it.

With their sobriety, however temporary, came a respite from words of filth and it was a welcome time of reasonable peace.

Later on in my first marriage, I was the target of abusive filthy comments punctuated by blasphemies. It was soul destroying. I longed for the peace that wholesome words brought.

The words of the world, especially of the base world where God is not a holy word, but a blasphemed expletive, and people are described in terms that would make a sailor blush- do not edify, but bring the hearers  down. 

Words are so powerful and can be used for good or evil. They can be as sharp as a sword, piercing through one's heart, remembered for all time. Or they can be a soothing balm.

The scriptures tell us the power of words are so effective that we are to choose our words wisely, edifying and building up only. We are to have kindness on our tongue at all times.

The words we speak will show what is in our heart and soul. We will be judged for every idle word we have ever spoken.

Words that uplift us and that calm us and give us peace are what I term "Kingdom Words"...

Let's think of that peace by reading some Kingdom Words in the Bible, of which there are thousands. I have selected a few for illustration...

 

grace, forgiveness, mercy, love, justice, righteousness, holiness, kindness, honesty, peace, hope, joy, faithfulness, gentleness, humility...

Let us cultivate our speech to be a blessing to the hearers and let us train ourselves to reject the use of questionable and hateful language.. Let "Kingdom Words" have dominion in our vocabulary and bless others with them.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Proverbs 18:21

I'm afraid of the dark.

Every evening as soon as the street lights come on, I start nesting. I close all the drapes, put the lamps and lights on and prepare to relax.

I want to block out the moon and stars, and I don't want to see smoke coming from chimney tops of farm houses nearby. As soon as dinner is over, I hop into my pyjamas and turn our electric blankets on. Then I snuggle up to Chris. 

There's nothing nicer to hear than the rain on my tin roof or windows and I luxuriate in the warmth of my living room or bed.  And I give thanks for a safe home, a warm home and bed and a loving husband. My joy is complete.

I hate being out and when it gets to twilight the dark of night follows closely and unnerves me somewhat. Sensing my fear, Chris turns the heat up in the car, puts a worship CD on for me and assures me we will be home soon. He knows my life story and he cares enough to try to comfort me when darkness overtakes us in the natural hours of night time.

My childhood was one of fleeing alcoholic's rages, defending my mother from my father's attacks and looking out for my siblings. Too many times to recount, we would have to flee our warm home or bed as Dad was on a drunken rage and he would chuck beer bottles at us as we fled down our hill in the night.

With a pounding heart, we would run from him and the damage broken glass could do to us, and the fear would be compounded by a longing to live a peaceful life like our friends and playmates.

Flickers of light through the curtains of our neighbour's homes would show that adults would still be watching TV and the moon glowed enough to make out the smoke from their chimney. How we longed to be normal and still tucked in our beds with Mum, Dad and our resident drunk, our uncle watching TV as we drifted off to sleep in our nearby bedrooms.

But those times gradually became less and still were ongoing when I was hastily married at 16. My nightmare had just begun.  After a horrific 25 year marriage I finally broke free and  had the peace of my own place with no alcohol in sight. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

The nightmare was ended and my new chapter began three years later when I met and married Chris. He has been an answer to prayer and my gift from the LORD for trying to honour a man who broke my bones, burnt me with cigarettes, kicked me in the stomach when I was pregnant and raped me after surgery.

But the foundation of violence has left me with PostTraumaticStressDisorder which sometimes gives me panic attacks and flashbacks. No romantic moons, wishes upon a star or evening walks for me. But God created a loving man just for His damaged daughter-a man who still loves me and knows why I'm afraid of the dark. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

I am who He says I am

Born in to a troubled home of alcoholics, and subjugated by a bitter mother, I married young at 16 and pregnant.

Sure that I had finally found someone to love me, the ink hadn't yet dried on the wedding certificate before the abuse started.

After 25 years of it, and afraid that it would end in my demise, I divorced my husband, even though I felt guilty about doing so.

The aftermath of an unhappy childhood and marriage that assured me that I was of little worth, stayed with me until four years later when I met and married Chris.

Being loved gave me a fresh outlook on myself and I gradually blossomed and as I bloomed in that love, I felt closer to the LORD than ever before.

It was a new experience as I had been through years of self-condemnation. I could forgive anyone anything- (forgiving even my ex-husband's abuse), but I found it difficult to forgive myself. I just didn't feel worthy of God's love.

Finally, I had to concede that God's view of me through what Jesus's Blood accomplished is the true me! His grace is greater than my sin and I was forgiven.

If God calls me clean, who am I to disagree? Either His Word is perfect and I cling to that, or I am calling His judgment into question.

I am so grateful for Chris coming into my life and opening the door to self-love. But even more gratitude goes to my Heavenly Father Who told me that I am who He says I am...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Dying for a hug

 

Ever since childhood, I have been a person who loves close contact. I needed to be loved, but sadly that was something that I longed for, but never received as a child, then as a young adult.

Now nearly 70 years old, I have been diagnosed with depression, post traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder and fibromyalgia, to which there is a link with childhood abuse. 

Like trying to lose weight after taking medications for hyothyroidism, my current happy marriage and constant hugs and demonstrative affection, has not been able to erradicate the damage that was done in my childhood.

Open affection was something denied to me until I left my abusive husband after 25 years of hell and met Chris. During the 4 years between leaving my ex husband and meeting and marrying Chris, I felt so very alone.

I was never alone, not even in the womb, and being solo was strange and difficult for me. I was enveloped by a loneliness that draped itself around my shoulders like a wet soggy cloak of despair.

The only physical contact I had was at church, where we passed the peace, hugged our friends and received a chaste kiss on the cheek. I lived for that brief time every week.

I have read of an experiment that denied newborns affection, and each of the babies died. Perhaps this lack of affection was something that effected adults too. I know it was a big part in my becoming pregnant at 16, taken in by a man who told me he loved me. He started his abuse as soon as the ink dried on the marriage certificate and still continued (long distance) even after the ink dried on the divorce papers.

It is a blessing that Chris knows all my past and understands me, for even today I cannot bear to be outside at night. This is due to the fact that we often had to vacate our warm beds in the early hours of the morning with Dad chasing us in a drunken state, throwing beer bottles at us as we fled. Once it gets night, I feel anxious if I am not home and settled.

I am talking to you about this not for pity but a warning that hugs, kisses, cuddles, affectionate voices and other demonstrations of love is critical for a child's development. To give a child a happy childhood peppered with demonstrations of love and oodles of hugs is the best thing you can give them- more important than expensive toys.

During this enforced staying at home, let's make an effort to be demonstrative in our affections. Let's hug our children often, hold hands with our husband and nurture the need for touch and feeling loved.

"But what if my husband is not the affectionate sort?" you ask. Love him anyway, even if he is surprised by it. It will benefit not only your marriage, but your children. And who knows, you might even find that underneath the hesitation to show affection, he is starved for it, and is dying for a hug.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Titus 2:4-5 “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

I don't think I stand alone!

After  my  critique of  Created To Be His Helpmeet, I received some not so kind comments,  one in particular from a lady called M... .here is my response to M for stating that I over reacted because of my abusive ex-husband and that this had "coloured my lenses"..

I reflected on M’s comment regarding my first abusive marriage and I had to concede that it had indeed ‘coloured my lenses’ in how I think about women suffering in silence at the hands of a violent husband. It has ‘coloured my lenses’ in how I see the church in general counsel the abused wife- and it certainly has ‘coloured my lenses’ to how I respond to the erroneous advice Debi Pearl dishes out to the suffering wife.

So, I stand guilty of having coloured lenses. I stand guilty of being sensitive to the weak, afraid and hurting godly wife who is abused. I weep when I read or hear of children living with domestic abuse. My lenses are very coloured here because I was raised in a home of not one, but two alcoholics (an uncle who lived with us), who made our lives miserable. My father would often push my mother and I would have to push him off her….yes, it coloured my lenses.

I cry for the children enduring not only the violence that alcoholism brings into the home, but these days- the drugs! My heart is heavy as I relive the pain of domestic violence seen through children’s eyes. And I cry for the feelings of powerlessness that it evokes in all on the receiving end.

When a book such as CTBHH comes along, I am hopeful that it will have real “meat” for the abused wife- some hope and helpful comments to encourage and edify! There are many that do address this issue-alas, CTBHH is not one of them. For the issue is almost deliberately side-stepped, leaving the reader with sand in her mouth.

So, why do I write about this in my blog? Is it a vent for my years of trouble? A cathargic release leading to healing? A bid to become “known” as a Christian writer? God forbid, none of these things! My primary focus is to encourage women- all women: single, happily married, unhappily married, divorced or separated or widowed. I truly love my Sisters in Christ everywhere and I try to uplift and edify them- because of love. God knows, I have had many things happen to me in 67 years: I simply share them in what I hope are transparently honest posts.

My heart is sad that CTBHH is such a divisive book- one is forced to take a stance one way or the other. This should not be! Sisters should support each other in the LORD not fight each other over this issue or anything else. I am sad that Debi and Michael Pearl’s Ministry opportunity was so badly squandered. So much good could have come from them if they had stuck to scripture and had not only compassion, but commonsense!

So I say simply- I stand with the weak and afraid, the uncertain and the searching! I stand with the little children who are switched from an early age- and I stand (trembling) against the sinful husbands who have to take responsibility for their own actions and who must stop pointing the finger at their wives. And I stand against Ministries that offer vinegar to the thirsty and switches for loving discipline and cuddles. I don’t think I stand alone…..

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy. Psalm 82:3