I am comforted.

 

I am on fire with pain. Literally from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I don't believe I am being punished for my sin. Jesus took that for me...

But I do believe that we live in a fallen world and I am genetically weak with many inherited maladies from both sides of my parentage.

At nearly 73, I am unravelling. It is just the facts.. my body is failing me. I am in agony and I cannot get medications that will successfully keep the pain at bearable limits. This is because some who abuse opioids have closed the door on help for everyone who truly needs it.

They don't believe that I need pain relief, but here is a brief description of my pain in mostly every area of my body.

My head: PMR temple pain and headache. TMJ causing jaw pain and earache. Fibro brain fog.

My neck: Polymyalgia rhuematica pain (PMR) Hashimoto's disease.

My skin: psoriasis and rash on shins from lymphedema of left leg 

My shoulders: fibromyalgia and PMR muscle pain. Lymphedema in my right arm (from the angiogram)

My heart: angina, costrocondritis. Hole in the heart. Ongoing IHD

My blood: antiphospholilipid syndrome. (Sticky blood)

My lungs: pulmonary hypertension. Only my left one working.

My stomach: gastroparisis, GERD. Navel hernia repair done with mesh which is tearing away from flesh

My pancreas: failing due to diabetes 2

My kidneys: stage 3 failing and dropping- currently 56 Makers of 50+ kidney stones

My arms: muscle pain with tearing ligament pain. 

My hands: deformed from osteoarthritis. Trigger finger on left pointer finger.

My back & hips: PMR, fibromyalgia, spinal canal stenosis, ankylosing spondylitis, Scheurrmanns disease. No lower discs left. Coccydynia 

My knees: lymphedema, ligaments torn and a fabella in the right knee. Arthritis.

My legs: fluid from heart disease and lymphedema.

My feet: arthritis, peripheral neuropathy from diabetes, heel spurs

Each day brings more pain. The level fluctuates, but it never goes. And I am still treated like a drug abuser when I ask for pain relief- and this is all verifiable by medical tests.

In fact, the only "help" I have gotten is through a pain management clinic where I was told to play Candy Crush to keep my mind off it. It is a joke. 

In spite of all this, I have had comfort from the LORD. He has helped me to seek truth and set the evil one to flight in moments of doubt. It is easy to wonder if one is being punished during a trial of pain and illness.

Sometimes I haven't even been able to formulate prayers and yet He has calmed my heart and made His Presence felt in giving me a peace.

He has led me to rest in Him, allowing me to drift into a sleep that has seen me restored and refreshed enough to cope during even the most painful of episodes.

His Holy Spirit has reminded me that this too will pass and that Jesus is preparing for me a place of eternal joy and health. And that the suffering I have now will fade in the beauty of His Presence and Holiness where nothing will cause tears and pain and where there is no death.

I have truly felt His Love for me wrap itself around me like a cloak of protection and ownership. 

Sometimes He will bring a song of praise or worship to mind, and I will praise Him in spite of it all. For He is worthy.

Through illness and pain, I have felt a Father's concern and love and I have held on to His Promise that He will not leave me comfortless and will come to me..

The pain is relentless, but so is God's Love and Presence. 

It is true: I am not alone. I am comforted.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. John 14:18

No more tears in Heaven

 

So today I realised that one of my step-children had unfriended me on Face Book. It was quite a surprise as I thought we got on fairly well.

I thought about it a lot today because as anyone will tell you, rejection is a bitter pill to swallow.

As it so happened, I had a chance to ask my step-child's spouse for a reason and the response was that the step-child was offended by all the "God stuff" I post.

Well, this is not the first time I have been rejected by my family because of my Christian witness, but nevertheless, it still smarted...

My response was to share about my own child's rejection of me and following estrangement.  I mentioned that same as I had told that person,  it is my wall and my right to post that which is meaningful to me...

As I said to Chris tonight, Jesus did tell us that we would suffer for His sake, and even lose family over our walk with Him. Furthermore, He told us that if our first priority was not following Him and we gave in to the rejectors by not following Him, then we were not worthy of Him. I can never reject Jesus.

Today, as these thoughts and feelings swirled around in my head, I was once again comforted by the Holy Spirit Who reminded me that these trials will be nothing in comparison to the joys we will have in Heaven with Christ.

I will continue to love and pray for those who reject me and I will get over it and move forward. But I have to confess that I do look forward to being with Jesus...

It is said who will have the last laugh... it's not funny that they are lost and I won't be laughing.

I am so glad we won't remember those we loved who are lost.  There will be no more tears in Heaven...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me- Matthew 10:37

He delights when we call on Him

I think to cry and pray to Jesus in the midst of chronic pain- physical or emotionally is soul intimacy. In fact the more one draws close to Him, the more intimate the relationship becomes.

Jesus was born 100% human and 100% God. He was a Man acquainted with sorrow and He wept. He comforts us and keeps our tears in a bottle.

Many times we are told to come to Him- in good times and in bad, He will not turn us away.

Wanting a deeply personal relationship with us, He says of Himself that He is as a father and as a shepherd. He comforts us as a mother and promises to carry us through our trials. When we come to Him, He gives us not only comfort, but peace- the kind of peace that is beyond human understanding.

Don't ever be too much in pain, too sad or too ashamed to approach God for help, encouragement or comfort. He delights in being there for us and delights when we call on Him.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by Him, Who shelters him all the day long; And he shall dwell between His shoulders."  Deuteronomy 33:12