Chipping away at the stone

So my fibromyalgia is back with a passion, making every muscle ache. I tried to take a bath a couple of days ago and I had great difficulty getting out. I had to use a pillow under my knee and I had no other option than to lean on it to get up. It was so painful and the consequences are enormous.

I know I shouldn't have tried with both knees with torn menisci and other ligament damage.  I was in so much pain that I longed for a bath to hopefully relax my muscles. It didn't. Nor did it help my sore neck with another episode of polymyalgia rheumatica.

This constant pain is wearing me down. My doctor is too afraid to give me pain relief and I am considering changing doctors. This creates anxiety in me. And to top it all off, I have been cranky and not really a nice person to be near at the moment.

With Chris ill himself, I seem to be carrying everything myself with no help in sight. Take this morning for example. I put on a load of washing, cleaned Xena's litter tray and unloaded and loaded the dishwasher.

Testing our blood sugar level before breakfast,  I asked Chris what he wanted for breakfast. He told me what he wanted, just sitting there waiting for me to get it for him. I am sorry to report that I arced up and told him to get it himself.

I added some other truths about him acting like he's the only one with pain and that I am tired of being his servant when all he does is watch TV and sleep all day. You gotta understand, that usually this isn't an issue, but the pain has truly worn me down.

Chris asked me what I had done so far this morning. I told him and he replied that it isn't necessary to push myself like I am doing. Push myself? Doing minimum household chores?

I told him I was just trying to live a normal life and he replied, "But you aren't normal! You have got to realise that and accept it!" But in fact, what I do is pared down to the bone housekeeping compared to what it was even 10 years ago. How much less can I do and still manage to live a relatively clean and organised life? Single handedly.

Over the 23 years of having fibromyalgia I have had a determination like stone. I would not let fibromyalgia or indeed any of my other painful conditions control my life. And for the most part it hasn't. Until today. It's chipping away at the stone.

And a good sleep

So recently we have been told that we are low on magnesium and have been taking magnesium tablets. It is about 10 days now that we have taken them and although my muscles still pain me, both Chris and I have had less calf cramps.

I have noticed a deeper sleep for myself, though Chris still has trouble but also reports a more refreshing sleep when he manages to drop off. He has noticed that he has less restless leg at night. Any help is a blessing.

As a sufferer of fibromyalgia, I welcome anything that helps me hurt less and sleep better. As it's early days of taking the supplement, I live in hope that it will get even better in its' relaxing effects.

I know it is improving my sleep already because I usually cannot get back to sleep if I wake up early and it's getting light. But today, I woke up to the grey dawn and decided to try going back to bed after going to the bathroom. I managed to sleep until 9.50am. 

I was amazed by this, but had to have an inward chuckle as today was the day my cleaning lady comes at 10.30 and I hadn't done anything. I still needed to get dressed, take our bloods, give Chris his insulin injection, feed Xena and then feed us.

Usually I pick up any dirty clothes up off chairs in our rooms, stack the dishwasher, and empty rubbish from the mini rubbish bins around the house, plus check Xena's tray is clean before she comes. I don't want her wasting her time on stuff I can do- I want her to focus on what I can't do like washing the floors and cleaning the bathroom.

But today, I managed to tidy up so that the cleaner could just clean- but we still were eating breakfast when she arrived. So because we were late through sleeping in, she was surprised to see us still at the island bench, eating. 

It all worked out well and I am hoping that the magnesium's effect continues. Even if it's ten pills a morning now for us both to take. As long as they make our bodies think we are healthier than we are, it's all for a good cause. And a good sleep.