Like a vapour!

It's been a rough morning. Firstly I woke up feeling the worst fibromyalgia pain I have ever felt. Not a cryer, I cried this morning. 

Then I took my morning pills- 11 of them. And they got stuck and melted... so I grabbed my cup of tea to push them down and it was boiling and I choked. 

Chris had to pump my back to try and dislodge them. I couldn't breathe and I thought I was going to Jesus right then and there.  

As I type, my throat and lungs are burning and closing over... I have lost my voice.

Please pray urgently that I don't get aspiration pneumonia again. I have had it 3 times and am prone to it... I only have one functioning lung.. 

Only good thing about today is that I can breathe and that the Rapture is so close. Maranatha. I am ready, Father! Life is so short, and it can end so suddenly... like a vapour

If you don't know Jesus as saviour why not ask Him into your life today? There's not much time left and tomorrow isn't promised... Click here for more information...  

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. -James 4:14

The Queen of List Making

So I did it again! Instead of cleaning up after dinner, I went to bed with dishes in the sink. I hate when I do that!

I mean, with fibromyalgia robbing me of a good restful sleep, the mornings are hard enough to face. Having a dirty kitchen to wake up to is the pits!

Most would think that it's just laziness, but by the time I have cooked dinner my spoons are almost gone. Yes gone! I am so done in by the end of the day that even lifting my arms up to put my nightie over them creates pain.

Oh, yes, I make lists and read motivational blogs and You tubes, but to no avail. I am the Queen of List Making. Yet my limited spoons dictate that I do very little and I am left with ashes in my mouth.

I know I said before that I have been keeping busy and that's true, but I now have a rebound fibro flare and coupled with our autumn cold snap with rain, I am in a lot of pain.

You would think that I would have worked out this fibromyalgia lurk after twenty years. And for the most part although I hate it, I have learned to exist with fibro without feeling false guilt that leads to depression.

Most days I accept my disability, but deep inside is a perfectionist screaming to get out! On days like this, I try to nest and I overextend my limits. Hello, Fibro Flare!

I am grateful to my husband Chris. He is an mild mannered man who is happy with how I do manage to keep our nest. He, and most people who come to visit- well in better days obviously- are happy with the state of our home.

It must be that I am my own worst enemy: trying to do the work of a much younger healthier woman: everything in its place and a place for everything. But always straining, never achieving thanks to Fibromyalgia.  I need to accept what is and hang up my crown as the Queen of List Making.

 

Lovely stuff

As a long time member of the Fibromyalgia Club, I usually wake feeling unrefreshed and aching all over. I have never been hit by a bus or train, but I would imagine that early morning stiff feeling would be akin to it.

Almost in a trance, I find my way to my kettle and turn it on. I grab the milk out of the fridge and proceed to take my blood to determine how much sugar I have in my diabetic old body. Like my weight, there is always too much of it.

Whilst the bread is toasting, I check my diary to see if there's anything we have to attend to or go to. With fibro fog my second nature now, I write everything down so that I don't forget it. In spite of aches and no spoons, if I don't have to leave the house today, I may do a little soft shoe shuffle. No wait- not a shoe shuffle- a slipper shuffle.

Really, it's sad when you come to think of it. A day with no appointments or shopping makes my day. I don't even care that the bins go out more than I do. 

Pyjama days are splendid days and I look forward to any excuse during a fibro flare to allow me to lounge around in my nightie and dressing gown. On days like that, it is enough that I brush my teeth and wash my hands. Forget the trauma of taking a shower. That's a good day job!

With high blood readings lately, I have had to be strict with limiting sugars, but because I hate my tea with none or worse still, with artificial sweeteners, I only allow myself one treat: a cup of white tea, one teaspoon of sugar. Stirred not shaken.

My first cup of tea in the morning is the one I enjoy the most, and I find I can limit tea sweetening during the day. Give me the joy of a refreshing, uplifting *sweetened* cuppa in the morning and I will be a reasonably happy little diabetic warrior the rest of the day.

Most people need a coffee in the morning, but for me, it's tea all the way. I can't live a happy life without my morning cup of tea with milk and one: it truly is lovely stuff.

 

It has been humbling.

With the days so uncertain and now a new war, I have an underlying anxiety bordering on depression, I have spent a lot of time in prayer and personal Bible study. 

I have been watching lots of You tube sermons on eschatology or end times and the Rapture. But I have no peace. To be honest, it's doing my head in and destroying my peace.

Before Covid19, I was so peaceful and assured of God's providence and protection of His people, but with many believers also getting the virus, it has shaken my faith. 

Honestly, I felt better before I delved into all the end times predictions and when the Rapture would come.

So in having much time to sit and pray, I have come to realise that the reason for my disquiet is that I want to control my life and destiny. I want to know what will happen tomorrow. I want to know why.

And I want to feel in control. So in realising this, I have had to repent. I have had to study the promises of God and acknowledge that He alone is sovereign. 

I am His to call home or to allow to live. And in so doing, I have had to relinquish my need to control and to know, and I have had to revert to childlike faith.

So now each night I commit my life into God's Hands. And I can sleep. Each morning, I thank God for another day and I am grateful.

Faith is the key to peace. Lack of faith produces fear and is of the evil one. It will do your head in...

Placing my hand in God's Hand as a trusting child has calmed me. The depression  has lifted. And a new depth of my relationship with God as Father has deepened.  I am glad that I have had this crisis to shake my faith and then to strengthen it.

It hasn't been fun and it hasn't been easy.  But like so many times we are put in the crucible, we are better for it. 

To think I was so unsure of my trust in God's protection has worried me, but now that the test is over, I rejoice. It is freeing.

Like in all pruning and growth, I have blossomed in trust.... but it has been humbling. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

What I wouldn't give for a good sleep

Last night was a fizzer regarding sleeping. No matter how I positioned myself, sleep eluded me most of the night. I have woken up this morning so sore and tired that I don't know what to do with myself.

From twenty odd years of suffering from fibromyalgia, I know that today is going to be a wipe out. So I will be pacing myself and only doing the bare minimum of chores.

Yesterday I felt like this, but we had waited a week to see a new doctor and we had to go see him. He was good and seems to know his stuff. We have a few baseline blood tests to get done before we see him again next week.

We are into cooler weather with a top of 28C predicted. I have washed two loads of clothes and am too tired to hang it out. Sometimes you have to compromise when you have chronic illness. Sometimes you win, most time it does! 

I shopped online for groceries yesterday: the Woolworths delivery man is due soon... I am saving my few spoons to put the shopping away and mark it off the shopping list as received...

Things on my to do list today:

1. Put the food away
2. Cook my homemade pasta sauce in the slow cooker for spaghetti bolognaise tonight
3. Rest

That will have to do for today as I am having trouble keeping awake. What I wouldn't give for a good sleep! 

Scarce as hen's teeth

It is quite cold here today: 8C! By midday we should be hitting 24C which is quite pleasant. I have the reverse cycle air con set on 22C which is quite comfortable.  Xena our little white cat got up, used her tray, had some kibbles and went back to bed. Before I came out to the study, she was seen nestled next to Chris under the doona. So when she does that, you know it's cold!

My plans for today are

1. Catch up on last night's dishes
2. Do some washing
3. Go to the doctor and chemist
4. Do some grocery shopping
5. Cook sausages, veg and mashed sweet potato and potato

Fibromyalgia has me aching everywhere but there's no time to go to bed.  Today we are going to see a new doctor here. We only know his name but haven't seen him yet. Our little township has a drought on doctors with the average wait a week.  With all of our many illnesses, we are praying that this guy knows his stuff. But even so, beggars can't be choosers: doctors in the country are scarce as hens' teeth!

What a drenching!

There's nothing nicer than being in bed listening to the rain on a tin roof. Especially if you don't have to go out in it...

L

I took this picture from our back door just after I fed some bread to the birds that frequent our garden. I love the smell of the rain! We are getting some relief from the heat with a top temperature forecast for 21C or 69.8F. 

It was my plan to go to church this morning, but with all the storm activity yesterday my fibromyalgia's flaring and I honestly can't make it. Hopefully, next Sunday will be better.

Usually, I listen to the Bible on You Tube and worship and rest at home when I can't go. Which is often, unfortunately. 

I will be hanging up the clothes I took out to wear there this morning. Later on I will cook some curried sausages in the slow cooker, which is my favourite way of cooking when I am in a flare.

There are a few dishes in the sink soaking in hot soapy water as per Sylvia's Sunday List. I will attend to them later on after I have had a rest. 

It isn't ideal that I am seeking to go back to bed so early in the day, but such is the life of a chronically ill person. I no longer feel any false guilt over it like I did in the early days of finding out what my new normal would be.  I can only get through this flare by resting...

So list of to do's today:

1. Hang up clothes
2. Set slow cooker going with sausages for dinner
3. Rest

And last but not least, I will be rejoicing as more rain falls giving our parched land a drenching! 

First we have tea

We had a very fitful sleep last night due to the temperatures being so high yesterday. Our reverse cycle air conditioner just doesn't make it up to the front of the house and our bedroom is right at the front, faces east and catches the sun all day. It was like an oven in our room with the temp being 23C all night. Our fan only blew hot air around....

It is supposed to be 30C today with thunder storms later. We always have our Emergency phone app on to advise us on fire activity as we live in the country. Last year Chris's son, who lives near us, had to evacuate his family because of fires and this is something we are prepared for. 

In the front guest room we have our important documents, spare medicines and some clothing and our photos on USB  disk. They are easy to grab in case we get the evacuation call. With high fire danger today and lightning strikes a possibility, we have our fire plan in place. Yes, it's firmly in place,  along with our little white cat, Xena's cat cage. Just in case...

I am currently listening to the Bible on You Tube and it is great for times when I am in a fibromyalgia flare and can't take in what I am reading. This is my preferred method of quiet time on days like today when my fibro is bad and I am lacking sleep and spoons. 

So because of lack of spoons and much heat, we plan to stay home today. So far, I have showered, dressed and taken my medications. I have a few things planned for today:

1. I need to fold and put away three loads of washing.
2. I want to make a lamb stew in the slow cooker for dinner (so as not to heat up the kitchen)
3. I want to resume following FlyLady by jumping in wherever the zone is for today.

I usually use FlyLady and Sylvia Britton's Lists for chronically ill women depending on how I feel each day.  I use the List for the day, then I may follow FlyLady's zone for 15mins. Today I am doing 15 minutes of cleaning in Zone 1 in FlyLady.

If I get these three things done today, it will be good. I will just cross off those things I achieve. We will see. But first we have tea. Everything goes better with a cup of tea!