Having patience with yourself

  

Lately, I have realised that one of the reasons for my high blood pressure is probably in the way I stress about not being able to do what I want due to fibromyalgia.

Although I know that I am not to blame for being ill, I sometimes find myself berating myself and feeling cross that I am a lame duck. It really gets to me at times.

Often I succumb to false guilt, the guilt that comes from matters that are not in my control, and it is easy to go to the Pit of Despair. You do not want to go there.

On rare occasions, I burst into tears and it is then that Chris usually comes to my rescue, pointing out that it's not my fault, that whatever needs to be done can wait or he promises that he will do it...

It made me think that sometimes I am my own worst enemy. By self-condemnation, I am making a sad situation worse for myself.

When I realised that it was my thinking that makes me get so down sometimes, I smiled at the irony: usually I am trying to validate my tiredness and pain to "normals"- those who do not live with chronic pain and no spoons. Now the "normals" are validating me.

So today, after cleaning my kitchen and making lunch, I am going to "the beach" again. I am going to relax and only get up again when it is time to cook tea.

I am going to start to speak to myself as I would speak to someone else who was ill and blaming themselves: lovingly and kindly. Which just doesn't come naturally to me. I have patience with everyone except myself.

Another day at the beach

So we were watching the birds coming down for the seed and bread and I grabbed my phone and did a short video.

As you can see, the beautiful coloured small parrots came down in droves, making it a lovely afternoon at The Beach aka the couch.

With pacing and resting during fibromyalgia flares, I find the beauty of nature helps to lift my spirits and give me some peace.

I thought if I shared it, it might brighten your day. By the way, although the sound's not great, could you hear Xena crying "Mum!"? She badly wanted me to allow her to go outside.

I couldn't risk it as she would most likely attack the birds or at the least, frighten them. We don't want anything to jeophardise the possibility of another day at The Beach! 

You wouldn't see June Cleaver doing that!

 

So today was a productive day. Apart from doing a few loads of washing, I had enough spoons to prepare some meals to freeze for during the week.

I confess I had a nana nap at "The Beach" aka the couch as the sun was shining and gave a beautiful warmth as I listened to the birds calling through the screen door.

Six more meals have been added to my freezer and I can say that it seems to be working out for me. I don't worry about cooking desserts- I usually serve some fruit with a scoop of icecream or a banana split. Easy.

With fibromyalgia  and other ailments making it difficult to achieve much, I can't tell you how pleased I am with my efforts today.

I feel quite the Homemaker and Chris is pleased as well. Only question is: does it still count if I did all this in my nightie? You wouldn't see June Cleaver doing that!