A prayer for unsaved husbands

Father, You said it is not good that man be alone, and in Your love, You created a help meet just for him.

You ordained the first marriage in the Garden of Eden.

And You said it was good! LORD, we who love you and marriage have found ourselves tasting of the beauty in marriage and we agree with You: it is good. 

But he who we have covenanted to love forever is not yet in Your Kingdom- we are together but still lonely... our spirits long for soul intimacy with our husband. 

What we know is good could be much better!  We ask that You bring our husbands into Your Kingdom.  A threefold cord isn't easily broken. 

Please grant us our hearts' desire LORD, for being equally yoked is in Your Will..We  pray for strength,

Patience and love to endure this lonely path known only to a Christian wife Who wants a truly godly marriage.

In Jesus' Name we pray.  Amen.

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?  1 Corinthians 7:16

Only God can change your man!

My childhood was not a really good one. My father was an alcoholic and Mum's brother who lived with us was also one. Anger and domestic violence were our lot, especially on weekends.

My mother particularly hated drink and was a tea-totaller herself. I wondered why she married Dad as they were not really well suited. But I think Mum made the fatal mistake of thinking that her love would be stronger than the alcohol and that she would change him after they were married.

Unfortunately, the alcohol was stronger than his love for her, and Mum became a vicious shrew to him and us children.

The more Mum tried to change Dad, the more he rebelled and I can still remember him sitting in his armchair in the lounge room. He would look thoughtfully at the glass of beer he was holding and say loudly, 'I am what I am!' and Mum would taunt him by singing "Nowhere man!" to him. We would then have to flee late at night with Dad throwing beer bottles at us as we frantically ran down the street.

I know God can miraculously deliver people from alcoholism, but unfortunately Dad only gave it up when he had open heart surgery at the tender age of 50. He died six weeks later...

I didn't pick up on the red flags in my own hasty marriage in 1969. At the tender age of 16 I got engaged, became pregnant and married two months later. It was a marriage that nearly didn't take place.

As I said, I should have seen the red flags: the cruelty to animals, the bashing of homosexuals: (before I met him, but he bragged about it), the talking over me, and the strong will that was overbearing. Well, I think I did see those flags, as after a particularly nasty argument, I decided I would break the engagement. 

I was a little hesitant to do that because my period was late.  I broke my parents' hearts when I told them the result was positive and they offered me a view options.

• They would arrange an abortion: no way would I abort a child. Besides, I was hoping that my child  perhaps would love *this* love-starved child.

• They would keep the child and raise it as their own: they would have to be kidding- I was already planning the nursery in a home where there would be peace. After all, love would conquer all once we were married...

• Or they would arrange a hasty marriage... that was the option I took.

But there was no peace, for no sooner had the confetti blown away than the abuse started and when I lost those twin girls six months later, I cried for the babies dying and for the mess I was in.

My marriage lasted 25 long years and I had plenty of time to realise that love does not conquer all. It is far better to stay single than be with the wrong person.

If you can't respect him or condone what he does prior to marriage, don't marry him! People do not usually change just because you marry them or you have a child.

Look carefully before you enter into marriage and never think you will have the power to change your husband after you become his wife. 

We are his wife first, not his mother. Wives accept their husbands as they are, they don't train him.

Don't marry him if you have any doubts and think you can change him after, because only God can change your man! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

I will not be laughing!

Those of us who have been Christians for some time have probably been the butt of jokes of unsaved family and friends. We are often openly laughed at and made fun of. It can be depressing as well as humiliating.

Recently when I was clearing out my mother's belongings after she passed, a little plaque my mother had with "God Is Love" on it was passed down from her display cabinet. People who were helping wanted to throw it out into the give away to charity pile. Then one of them started laughing and said, "Sure, He is! huh, who wants this?" (laugh laugh)- then she said, "Oh give it to Glenys, she'll take it cos she believes in this sh*t!" Feeling a tad hot faced, I took it and put it in my handbag to take home with me. Their smirks weren't lost on me either! (No fool like an old fool, right?)

Likewise, when cleaning out the bookshelf, they saw the old but well preserved Bible and were going to pitch it out. I hurriedly sprang forward and claimed it, much to their enjoyment. It went alongside my handbag to find its way to my home where it would be put in a place of honour and easily accessed.

Just recently I had an irate family member declare that she won't follow my posts on Face Book because they "are too religious" and she "doesn't think it's right to have it up on Face Book". However, I would prefer to see them than her endless selfies and pictures of her rather prominently displayed bust.  Come to think of it, maybe this was the reason my estranged brother unfriended me from his Face Book yesterday. How he describes Christians is unprintable here....

All in all, I sometimes feel that there is a conspiracy amongst unsaved family and friends in keeping our faith at arms length, and any chance to degrade, hurt, ridicule and humiliate us is taken. We are fair game, people. Yet we cannot change our life style, if we truly believe.

If we believe, we will be Christ-like, and to the unsaved, this is a threat. For Christ-likeness shines His light over their darkness, and they are exposed. This is very disconcerting to the person whose heart is far from being saved. But rather than retreat, we must advance and keep being faithful. Who else knows them like we do? Who else but us bearing Christ in us, would want to see them saved? Who would forgive? Who would pray? And yes, even love them?

It's not easy being a Christian today, especially with unsaved family and friends. We will have an extra cross to bear in humiliation, we will have our faith tested and our resolve to be loving will be sorely tried. And if the one who is unsaved and antagonistic to our faith, is our spouse, a sword will pierce through our heart over and over again.

We dare not take this treatment and derision to heart, for if we do, we may never see our loved ones come to Christ. We may not know that the Holy Spirit is wooing that person and that the barbs and derision are coming to the fore because of a spiritual battle within him or her. It often happens like that. No matter what happens, I must forgive and try to forget the laughter at my expense. 

I cannot change who I am now. I am Christ's, Who was also laughed at as He was whipped and stripped and refused to save Himself by coming off the cross. The die is cast for me, my path is clear. I am moving forward in spite of the jests and guffaws. Let them laugh: we'll have the last one!

But I will be praying for them to be saved for the sad thing is that them going to Hell's not funny and I will not be laughing! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And the people stood looking on. But even the rulers with them sneered, saying, “He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is the Christ, the chosen of God.” Luke 23:35

Let God do His part.

So for one reason or another, you find yourself married to an unbeliever,  and the loneliness can be like a damp cloak around your shoulders.

You long to share your faith with him, but he sometimes rebels and gets annoyed or angry, and this compounds the feeling of spiritual disconnection. 

I have lived with an unbeliever after coming to the LORD after marriage. I know the longings for spiritual connection and the loneliness felt in an unequally yoked marriage. 

Divorce is not an option, so what is the Christian wife to do until or even if, her husband comes to Christ?

I would like to encourage unequally yoked wives to keep believing and keep praying and to treat their as yet unsaved husbands with the same deference they would if he was saved. In that regard, the LORD sees no difference in his treatment.

He is still responsible under God... even if of course, he doesn't believe in Him. He needs your prayers, not your lectures, sermons, tantrums or tears. In fact, if we do those things, we may very well alienate him from coming to the LORD totally.

It is hard work and a difficult path when one is unequally yoked, and it is normal that the saved wife will long for her husband to be saved. But the hardest thing of all is to not take on the role of the Holy Spirit and try to convict and woo your husband to Christ.  That is His job, not ours.

After many years of seeming fruitless prayers, you may be tempted to become short and irritated with your husband. But loving them to Him is critical to them coming to Jesus.  Just love him as if he is already a Christian. That's your part in winning him to Christ. Let God do His part. 

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?  1 Corinthians 7:16

It could be better

When I was married the first time, my husband was not a believer. I was born again 9 years after we married.  I prayed the kind of prayers that only an unequally yoked wife can... Chris is a believer, but I know the anguish being spiritually unyoked can bring... Here is a prayer for the unequally yoked wife...

Father, you said it is not good that man be alone, and in Your love, You created a help meet just for him.

You ordained the first marriage in the Garden of Eden.

And You said it was good! LORD, we who love you and marriage have found ourselves tasting of the beauty in marriage and we agree with You: it is good. 

But he who we have covenanted to love forever is not yet in Your Kingdom- we are together but still lonely... our spirits long for soul intimacy with our husband. 

What we know is good could be much better!  We ask that You bring our husbands into Your Kingdom. A threefold cord isn't easily broken. 

Please grant us our hearts' desire LORD, for being equally yoked is in Your Will..We  pray for strength,

Patience and love to endure this lonely path known only to a Christian wife Who wants a truly godly marriage.

In Jesus' Name we pray.  Amen.

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?  1 Corinthians 7:16

He makes everything beautiful in His time

He prayed for a loving wife, so tired of waiting to be loved again... he sought her out, eyes looking at faces in women who walked across his path... glancing for wedding rings... a glimpse of hope, a sign..... Not yet...Soon?

She prayed for a loving husband, wanting to find love for the first time in her life... she too searched faces and hands of those she met in her work.... ever seeking.... envious of gold bands on wedding fingers... sighing and lonely.... Not yet.. Soon?

They met at a local church's dinner for Christian singles.... a chance meeting perhaps one would think...but not so with these two.... for deep within themselves love reverberated with faith that God had heard their prayer for togetherness and love...Come now... Coming...

Together, they worked and planned and went to church... together they prayed and talked about God, love, family the past and their future... they married and continued in the faith....Together.... Forever...

And he loved her, nursing her through surgeries, heart problems and illness... shielding her as much as he could from the ravaging effects of her illnesses...Compassionate... Always...

And she in turn loved him deeply, passionately and faithfully, grateful to him and to God for bringing them together.... Tender... Loving Forever..

But the clouds came.... with rains that threatened to flood their lives with despair and sadness... for he was not truly of Christ.... although to her, he was her guardian angel. .. Always and forever...

With his questioning  the new birth and trying to understand it, she realised that once again she was unequally yoked... yet all the attributes of Christ were found in him.... So close. So close... yet

At worship he still sits with his arm around her.... head bowed as the preacher asks those who do not know the Saviour to raise their hand.... he does not move... she hardly breathes except to pray.... But not yet.  Not yet...

She lifts her head with glistening eyes.... in Your time, LORD... in Your time... So close...Not yet. Keep praying..... keep loving....for as long as it takes....Till we are truly one in Christ...Forever....Whenever You desire.

Written with the understanding of an unequally yoked wife...Loving and praying for my sweet Christopher...Always..........

You may wonder why I have not mentioned this previously: because really it is a matter between my husband and the LORD.  Although I am desperate for him to come to the LORD (especially with my heart problems, I want the assurance that Chris knows Jesus before He takes me home), I do not preach at him. I pray. And pray. And keep silent about spiritual matters....

Because I am not the Holy Spirit, I can leave that up to Him to convict and woo and draw my husband. My job as the wife of an unbeliever is to reverence, honour and love my husband..  Because Chris is a man of integrity as I mentioned, anything he asks me to do would not be sinful.... therefore, I willingly submit to him as the scriptures tell us to do... I would not submit to him if he asked me to sin, however....

I sometimes want to speed things along by talking too much about the necessity of being born again to truly be saved, but because I would only get in the Spirit's way, I back off and nearly bite my tongue off.  Who knows, God may very well bring my husband to a saving knowledge of Him through someone else...

It does get lonely, being unable to share biblical things a lot... but as Chris is questioning and searching, I often get the chance to witness to him.... I pray a lot that God gives me the right words and that I don't become vaccinated with a gramophone needle and talk too much!

My marriage is a real blessing, and both Chris and I believe that God caused us to meet...(see why I thought Chris was born-again... He prays to God always),  but it could be better.... but until Christ calls him to Himself, you will find me treating Chris the same as if he was a Christian already... and you will also find me on my knees- a lot!

It's in His time. In His time...Always

I wrote this post seven years ago and a lot of things have changed. Chris is born again, and loves the LORD. I praise God for this. My biggest challenge now is to keep my mouth shut from "preaching" at him and trying to make him run when he is crawling. He is still on milk, but is surprising me at times by his keen discernment of what is scriptural and what isn't.

We sometimes pray together and I would love this to be more often, but I am peddling slowly because I don't want to be pushy. Chris is encouraged to lead as the head of the home, but that is something that isn't new. He was created to lead in the home, and I have always encouraged that.

As a Christian since 1980, I am on a full meat diet, but I must be careful not to push my new born Christian husband too much. I am not the Holy Spirit. 

I think we unequally yoked wives who suddenly find our husbands have been saved, tend to want to push the envelope and have their man as spiritually advanced as them. But the whole thing is fraught with danger as it can frighten them off and they will retreat and keep their faith as a "private thing" and get back into their familiar comfort zone.

So allowing your husband to lead in prayer, say grace over a meal or have family devotions may take a long time- but it is important that we allow God to work in their life and not push it.

The same scriptures that tell us that we can win our husbands to Christ without a word still apply to him taking on the spiritual role of leading his family. We have to rein in that desire and be self-controlled. In time- God's time, your husband will gain confidence in his role and the whole being a Christian thing. We are to keep out of the Holy Spirit's way and allow Him to work in our husband's life. Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 1 Peter 3:1

As in praying for your husband's salvation, we are to keep praying for our husband's growth in the faith. And we are to continue to support, love and respect him even if he shows no definite signs of being ready to eat meat. 

The LORD is faithful: all we have to do is allow Him to do His work in our husband's life and pray. So don't look at the time and how long his walk is taking: leave it in the LORD'S Hands and let Him call the shots.

As you enjoy your new equally yoked marriage, there will be times of joy and gratefulness and blessings along the way and it will seem like no time at all that you realise your man is eating meat with you. Then you will exclaim as I did recently,"Would you look at the time already?" And you will know: He makes everything beautiful in his time!" 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time:  Ecclesiastes 3:11a