Morning Cuppas With Glenys : grandchildren

Showing posts with label grandchildren. Show all posts

The most joyous of days..

It's Christmas Eve here and I was resting between chores thinking that I don't feel very festive. And as the random thoughts came, I realised that I am not alone...

The birth of Christ is a holy time sometimes celebrated with lights on trees and pretty baubles. Presents adorn the floor around the tree and a feeling of hope, and expectation fills the air.

Carols are a lovely way to thrill the soul and worship the Christ Child, and since Covid, this is mainly from computers, CD's and so on. Carollers are for the most, a thing of the past.

A lot of people perpetuate Saint Nicholas' legacy by telling their children that Santa Claus is coming and for them, Christmas takes on a magical quality.

Sadly for me, my children and even grandchildren are grown. With that childlike expectancy of gifts and new toys now gone, a lot of the fun of the season is gone with it. I miss it.

Obviously I find my joy in the Gift of Christ our Redeemer, and I am truly grateful- not only at Christmas, but all through the year. But those who are now missing the joy of children at Christmas will know what I mean.

And I don't believe I am the only one noticing a lack of festive joy this year. The shops are visited by people with tense, even grim expressions and scarcely one person wishes another a Merry Christmas! It is understandable. The last few years have been difficult to say the least. Stress is rampant.

I think now it is more important than ever to remember the reason for the season. The King of glory came as an infant, born in a stable and given a manger for a crib. But the most wondrous thing of all is that this Baby was born to bring hope and joy to a lost mankind.

As mankind struggles to celebrate- truly celebrate- Christmas, and as world events worsen, I want that childlike faith and joy to come back. But I truly believe it will only come back when Christ comes back to take us believers Home. That will be the most joyous of days...

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift! 2 Corinthians 9:15

Not ours to write

It is said a mother will raise a child for 18 years or so. What is not told you is that with each child, a mother’s heart is fragmented and not only will she give that child a Life Story at birth, but she will also give it her heart forever. Throughout the rest of her life she will be her child’s biggest influence, inscribing values and skills in its Life’s Book.

Every Page of that child’s life will be scrutinized and lived through. Every word, every full-stop measured in feeding progress, weight gain, colic and diaper changes. Every sentence will be measured in her child holding up its head, smiling, grasping and focusing. Each early Chapter will read as accomplishments in teething, crawling, sitting unsupported, first words and walking.

Shortly, a mother will become an avid Reader of the Book of her child’s life and will pore through it with rapt attention. She will often re-read the previous Chapters, seeking reasons for the present Story unfolding in the most recent Page of her child’s sojourn through life. Quite often this will be a fruitless exercise as she cannot re-write the Chapters. However, she will certainly be able to enhance the outcome of future Chapters by passing on her foresight and life skills to her child.

As the Reader and not the Writer of this Book, the mother will find that she becomes absorbed in every Chapter as it unfolds. Often against her will, she will find that she lives every hurt and disappointment, every heart ache, every pain and illness as if it were her own Life’s Story. And often, being a loving mother, she will wish that the sad Chapter was her own and not her child’s….but she is only the Reader.

Every accomplishment, victory, honour or triumph will become personal as a mother reads and lives her child’s Story. Indeed many mothers will find kudos in their children’s unfolding Life Story, especially if that child is successful. However, successful or not, a mother will still remain a loyal and enthusiastic Reader.

It is not unheard of for a mother to question the Writer of this Book whilst at the same time yearning for the Writer’s direction. But try as she might to become the Writer, this is a Book that she cannot write. She can and should, enquire of the Writer for guidance but in doing so, she must accept that the Editor’s decision is final.

It is interesting to note that just as a mother thinks she may be coming to the end of this Read, that she will find there is a Sequel which is just as compelling as the original. This comes in the form of grandchildren. After one glance at the Prologue, she will find herself giving yet more of her heart as her mind relives the first chapter of her own child’s Life Story.

With shaking hands and teary eyes, she will scan the Page eagerly, knowing that she will be a reader of this new child’s Life Story for many chapters to come. And she will undoubtedly thank the Writer as she lovingly fingers the new Page.

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. Psalm 113:9

As a child

In these trouble filled days, we may find it difficult to keep the faith. The earth is filled with turmoil and it is easy to become anxious.

We may sometimes think that we would love to be living in an easier world where we can revert to the more simple days of our childhood. Yet, we know that is impossible.

We parents and grandparents try to guard our children's minds and we do all in our power to give them a carefree childhood.

We pray for them and guard our home against our children seeing and hearing all the doom and gloom of wars and troubles on the news. It is no mean task.

Just as us reverting to becoming children is impossible, we must nevertheless take care of our own anxieties and take actions to increase our faith.

We must remember that this is all playing out just as we were told.. it is difficult living through this, but what else did we expect for the "end days"? We have been warned.

In as much as we have been warned about the end days as the Age of Grace comes to an end, so we have been encouraged to not fear and to live life as usual until Jesus comes for His Church.

We must accept that God is still in control and He loves us. In fact, He is a Father to us and longs to give us peace. It is important that we stay close to Him, especially if we find anxiety has come to lodge with us.

We must cling to Jesus and remember His promises to us.

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

With Jesus at the helm, we must surrender our fears and renew our thoughts.

God is our Father and Jesus is our Saviour so we can take Them at Their word. God is not a liar.

He says that we are not to worry and as we take God at His Word, we can become children again- not childish, but child like, confident in our Father and LORD'S loving protection.

Let us lean on Jesus's love and come to Him with our fears and struggles. Not trying to work things out for ourselves, but simply having the same faith that we once had in years past.

May we lay down each night in peace and commit ourselves afresh to Him. Trusting. Peaceful. Content. As a child.

"Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me". —Matthew 18:3-5

Let Him hear your voice!

Mother's Day was last Sunday and I am pleased to report that I heard from all of my children. When I say "heard", two actually rang me and the other two texted me.

With my elder two children just recently newly reconnected, I was especially happy this year. And when my granddaughter texted me as well, my joy was complete.

So what I say next is in no way a grumble but just a statement: it could have been better!

I hear you ask, "in what way could it be better?" By actually hearing their voices...

Looking back at my courting days, I remember the longing to hear from Chris- not just when he texted me, but when he called me. There was something special about hearing his voice. I loved it...

I think this is the way with lovers... to hear our loved one's voice is so sweet. Much better than a text.

Sadly, the way of the modern world today is to text or Private Message on social media as it's the quickest and least energetic method of communication. Send a text for someone's birthday or other occasion, and job's done.

That need to actually hear our loved one's voice is not just a human thing. Scripture tells us that God Himself loves to hear His Beloved's voice too.

Prayer is fine and worshiping God is fine, but I believe God really loves us to be audible at times.Why? Because He loves us!

Sometimes in my private prayer and worship time, I pray out loud, and when I worship Him, I tell Him how much I love Him- out loud.

Obviously, God understands our silent prayers, and when we can't speak, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with words that cannot be spoken- but I believe that allowing God to hear our voice delights Him.

So in knowing this, I make a habit of praying and praising audibly- just because I know He loves me and I long to please Him.

We all are loved by the Lover of our souls- so let Him hear our voice!

O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. Song of Solomon 2:14

She's still the same girl

So it's my 71st birthday in a few days and my best friend Ann came to visit me. It was a visit of mutual tears and laughter and reminiscing about days of the past.

We have been friends since we were 11 years old and as we sipped our tea and coffee we joked about how 61 years of friendship has outlasted most marriages these days...

A new grandmother, Ann lamented how she hates being old and wonders if she will even live to see her grandbaby turn 21... and we cried.

We cried that I don't think I will be here when her next grandbaby is born and that the shawl I am making for her daughter might not get to her if I don't finish it soon. I want her to have one for her other daughter's future baby like the first one has..

We laughed about things that happened at school, and cried about trials we both had during our 71 years of life. And we nearly choked on our coffees laughing about the agonies of aging but how the alternative didn't look too promising either!

Our emotions were rollercoasting madly, but then there was a lot of reminiscing and the viscitudes of life were a tad sporadic over 61 years of reliving those days...

We talked about God's answers to particular prayers we had petitioned God for in our families and we recommitted those people to Him...And we thanked God for our friendship.

In parting, we realised how blessed we are to have a true close friend and we marvelled that 5 hours had passed in the visit that went quickly, and we exclaimed that we had had a very fun afternoon.

As I saw Ann off and she smiled and waved as she drove away, I had a flash back of the young girl I used to study with. A few changes in appearance for sure, but she's till the same dear girl I grew up with...

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.- Proverbs 18:24

Fathers must know!

Sometimes fathers underestimate the value of their role in bringing up their children. Especially so for Christian fathers. Your child is constantly looking at your behaviour, speech and mannerisms from early infancy and all you do and say is moulding him or her into your likeness. Good or bad.

The father's role as leader of the home and spiritual guide is so critical to your child's development. For it is through their fathers as well as their mother that they learn. Not only do they learn how to do practical things like filling the car with petrol, but they watch how their father interacts with their mother and other authority figures.

It is crucial that children see their father respecting and loving their mother and obeying the laws of God and the land. They will take on board any negativity that you both show such as laziness, bad humour, cussing, lack of interest in spiritual matters and even worldly matters.

If you doubt the value of a father's role, take a moment to observe your children at play and note how many times Daddy goes to work, how he drives the car, how he speaks to Mummy and to them! It could come as a shock!

If you use bad language in front of your little ones, expect them to repeat it! They hear YOU say it- so then to their minds it is correct and proper grammar! Do not feign ignorance or administer punishment if you are using such language- they are just proving my point! Children are like little sponges and are absorbing everything you both do and say.

It is crucial to the child's development that he or she feels loved and accepted by their father. Most of us spend all our lives trying to please Dad- even if he has passed on! The place of father is so much more than being just a bread winner- important and appreciated as much as it is!

Your children do not know the value of money as youngsters and a child has no comprehension of being in lack. If they are fed, warm, clean and loved, that is all they know and need. The father's role is important and it influences us right up and through the time that we have children of our own.

If you weren't much of a parent to your children, the chances are you won't be much of a grandparent to your grandchildren! And most importantly of all, I feel- the spiritual role of father is terribly important. How they relate to your children will model how they perceive God as Father!

You can make or break their trust in God by your parenting! May you look at your role as a father as well as a mother through the eyes of your children, and try to be Christ-like! Your child's eternity depends on it!

'Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?' Hebrews 12:9

I refuse to stay in the Pit of Despair!

Depression is often related to one having a sense of loss to something dear to them. In my case I am grieving the loss of my adult children's affection and the feeling that to them I am already dead. I have been tossed out like an old shoe.

Second is the fact that they aren't very nice people and I suspect that one way or the other, I have failed as a mum...

So I had a time of prayer and during that I felt that as far as mothering goes, how they now act as adults is not my fault. I know now that God knows I did bring them all up in the faith and they were taught to be honest and decent people.

I have now decided that I will not stress about not seeing my new great granddaughter or even grandchildren... it is pointless to bond with them when I wont probably see them... I will not waste my last few years waiting for a word from them or even acknowledgement that I exist... if they cared, they would call

So now I am going to move forward and enjoy as much as possible those who do love me and want me in their life...

The hardest lesson I think was to realise that my love for them is not reciprocated and I am not important or valued much in their life at all. It's a bitter pill but once taken, it helps alleviate the grief of unrequited love...

So I am going to move forward and start thinking of positive things, like Chris and those in my family who do love me...

Another lesson was that even though I have no expectation of a relationship and have pulled back to stop hurting, it does not mean I don't love them... it just has to be from afar as they are toxic to me. At this stage of my life, I just need peace. And that doesn't mean I am selfish...

I refuse to stay in the Pit of Despair!

Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth. Psalm 71:9

When Christ comes back.

It's Christmas Eve here and I was resting between chores thinking that I don't feel very festive. And as the random thoughts came, I realised that I am not alone...

The birth of Christ is a holy time sometimes celebrated with lights on trees and pretty baubles. Presents adorn the floor around the tree and a feeling of hope, and expectation fills the air.

Carols are a lovely way to thrill the soul and worship the Christ Child, and since Covid, this is mainly from computers, CD's and so on. Carollers are for the most, a thing of the past.

A lot of people perpetuate Saint Nicholas' legacy by telling their children that Santa Claus is coming and for them, Christmas takes on a magical quality.

Sadly for me, my children and even grandchildren are grown. With that childlike expectancy of gifts and new toys now gone, a lot of the fun of the season is gone with it. I miss it.

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift! 2 Corinthians 9:15

Thrown out like an old shoe.

As you know, I have just turned 70. It has been a rough ride yet filled with lots of joy and blessings.

A lot of the joy in my life has been my children, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren. I loved everything related to motherhood...

I had four children under five years and it was a very busy time. Especially with illness that lodged at our house in the form of my spinal disease, glandular fever and depression.

As a mother at 19, I accepted the responsibility of motherhood and I brought up 4 children under 5. At the tender age of 39, I welcomed my first grandchild into the world. I cared for her during her first year due to her mother being unwell with post natal depression.

As my children and now adult grandchildren grew, I was still involved in their lives if I was wanted. And I was wanted, or so I thought.

I thought I was a caring, loving woman who gave kind and solid advice if asked. I did my best to help and support them in times of trouble. I cried for them. I prayed for them.

Recently, I have noticed a drop off of contact, both personal and by phone or computer. I am texted for my birthday, Christmas and other occasions of interest like Mother's Day.

I long for them to just drop in and sit and have a cuppa. It rarely happens. Not like when we regularly had lunch or a cuppa together, but since Chris and I are now unable to leave home due to not being able to walk or drive, we don't.

I see now that a lot of this is because they have to come to us now, not us go to them. We're an inconvenience.

It hurts. It isn't easy to sit alone reminiscing about your younger days, loving your now grown children and grandchildren and being passed over and ignored.

It hurts that because of health issues in old age, one is condemned to days of loneliness and longing for the phone to ring or a text on social media.

And social media sometimes is employed simply as a way of following family and saving pictures of them and their children. At least one feels that there's still some connection.

Knowing that you gave your best years to your family with little to show in return brings a real wave of sadness- because you know you would do it again if given the chance.

But there's no second chance in old age. One is forgotten as the world turns on the axis of youth. The elderly are ostracised and abandoned... thrown out like an old shoe.

Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth. Psalm 71:9

Backslidden children: God gently leads them back.

As mothers and grandmothers, we often feel like failures when our children stop following the LORD and are backslidden. In spite of training our children and teaching them about the LORD, they seem to be departing from The Way and it can send us into a panic.

I can understand how you can feel a failure, but your children have to make certain decisions for themselves as they grow up. Walking the path of faith is a deeply personal daily choice. We cannot make them believe nor can we save them.

The five children I bought up (from ages 49-43 plus a grandchild now 29) have been brought up in the faith. My own children made a confession of faith when young and were all baptised by immersion. Two of them are now living for the LORD and two of them are backslidden but still consider themselves believers. My first grandchild is agnostic, almost a believer.

All we can do in spite of outward appearances is keep praying for God to change them. We as loving mothers or grandmothers don't know what work God is doing in their heart. We know that the Holy Spirit convicts us of sin, and we have to allow Him to do the work. Often trying to be the Holy Spirit just causes rebellion and hurt feelings and we just get in His way.

There was a stage I thought that none of them believed, but praise God, what was taught them from their youth has resurfaced. So I encourage you not to blame yourself either and to keep praying and believing that your prodigals or backsliders will walk in The Way. God often meets them in the wilderness and gently leads them back on the Straight Path..

The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him. Ezekiel 18:20

It makes my spoons quiver!

So yesterday we had more family come for Christmas. We had a lovely lunch, feasting on the abundant leftovers from the feast on Christmas Day.

Because I had pushed myself physically the day before, my fibromyalgia was flaring and my back was spasming because I had been on my feet preparing food for a long time. I was feeling overwhelmed.

I was feeling hospitable, it was just because of pain that the day was on a downer for me personally. I tried my best to be cheerful. We Fibromites and chronically ill people become consumate actors in playing the cheerful game.

My step-daughter was very gracious and helped me make teas and coffees and carve left over ham, and not for the first time, I was very grateful to her.

With 35C temperatures- 95F, I was also very grateful for our air conditioner. The dining area was very comfortable and we passed a pleasant day.

My little 4 year old great-granddaughter Evie came to me and asked me to show her my bedroom. So taking my hand, she led me to my room, looked at the ensuite, and declared, "Nana, I love your house, and I love you too!" It made my day.

Her declaration of love warms my heart even now as I talk to you. I am sitting here in fibro pain with my two freshly broken purple toes throbbing. (I kicked the corner of the dining table leg, collecting two toes for the price of one.) But the happiness of my little lovely Evie's declaration overshadows even the pain today.

The house is tidy, the washing in the machine and the Christmas tree and decorations are put away. My robotic vacuums have been run today. We are now officially post Christmas.

We placed the tree still decorated into a closet that is empty, and should the LORD tarry, it will be a simple matter to reinstall it next year. Not that I really can imagine another Christmas right now.

Quite simply, nice as it was, it makes my few remaining spoons quiver!

It's all I can do this year!

So I did a thing that stripped me of what little spoons I had. I took a shower and went to click and collect a few Christmas gifts I ordered on line.

I came home and cooked dinner and had a bad asthma attack. I couldn't breathe properly. Chris tidied up the kitchen for me and I sat down for a while until I felt better.

The Mother of all Fibro Flares has paid me a visit. I ache everywhere and feel too exhausted even to talk. It is nearly 11am here and I am ready to go to bed. I will have a nana nap.

You just have to listen to your body in times like this. Hopefully I will wake up with some spoons Christmas Day.

As we now have a large enough home for guests, we will be hosting Christmas this year. I am having a simple traditional meal and that's all...

I am too pooped to worry a great deal about Christmas this year. We have bought a few things online and that will have to do. Sometimes you just have to rest your tired twinkle!

Apart from cancelling Christmas, it's all I can do this year!.

Silly season's begun already!

This year because we finally have a larger home, I am hosting Christmas Day lunch. As always, I need to plan and pace myself because of my chronic fatigue, so I am looking into buying my foods and gifts early.

I know I am going to have a fibromyalgia flare by Boxing Day, but it will be worth it to have some good memories. Sometimes you just have to push yourself or you never do anything. I am looking forward to it! But to minimise any major flare after Christmas and leading up to it, I am planning already!

Last weekend our 10 year old granddaughter Taylah came and she loves Christmas and decorating, so we gave her the tree and decorations and told her if she wants, she can decorate it. She wanted to!

So except for Grandpa Chris holding her to place the star, she did it all by herself. We think she did a sterling job!

To be honest, if we weren't hosting lunch this year, we probably wouldn't be bothered with the tree but with family coming, it seemed worth the effort. So the tree is up albeit early. With both of us feeling under the weather, and with a little willing helper, it is cheerful and jolly. And good timing!

Taylah placed the solar lights so that the tree turns on at dusk and turns off at dawn. So there's no upkeep and even though the tree is minimalist by most standards, it still heralds in the festive season.

All we have left to do for decorating is putting the wreath on the front door, but it seems a little too soon to go public yet and let everyone know that at Hicks' House, the silly season's begun already!

Of apples and rosy cheeks

This weekend we had our 10 year old granddaughter, Taylah come and stay with us. We had a lot of fun and part of that fun was making apple roses.

My fibromyalgia was really bad and I explained my need for a nana nap by relating the meaning behind the spoons. She totally understood and in fact told me to go have a nap and she would call me in half an hour.

True to her word, she woke me in half an hour, but my body whimpered and said, "No way!" However, because we had made a "pinky promise" and I wanted to keep it, I dragged myself out of bed.

We stayed up until 11 on Saturday night because it wasn't a school night, and we slept until midday. I couldn't believe that I had slept that long. Tay must have needed it too.

We baked apple roses and kept some aside for when her mum and sister came to pick her up. It was the first time they had seen our new house. I rarely see them these days.

I was happy that we had made more memories when I said goodbye to them and so was my little Tay, looking lovely and rosy cheeked, clutching a few more apple roses for them to enjoy later.

More spoons to enjoy life.

We have just moved and we are both quite tired still. Although the house is functional, there's still a lot of unpacking to do.

This weekend, two of our grandchildren wanted to come see us and give us their verdict of the new house. Knowing that memories are all we will have once they are grown, we agreed to have them.

Although I am suffering from a bad fibromyalgia flare, I got dressed and stayed up in order to spend time with them.

We cooked lunch together and watched family videos of when they were first born and growing up. It was fun but it was also non taxing to my sore body.

Today I am expecting a lady to come clean for a couple of hours. She did such a good job of cleaning our old house for our bond return, that I asked her if she would like to do a regular clean for us once a fortnight. She agreed.

With my poor daughter suffering from fibromyalgia as well and now living two minutes away, she also agreed to clean her house after ours each fortnight as well.

Both my daughter and I are finding just cooking, cleaning our kitchen, doing washing, grocery shopping, running errands like going to the chemist, planning finances and feeding our pets is enough of a job. We need some extra help.

There's very little help here for chronically ill people who can't do housework. What little we did get has been stopped since a new government has taken over the reins. So we have to pay privately.

I am grateful that I can save enough each fortnight to afford a cleaner's help. It not only keeps my home clean, but gives me more spoons to enjoy life.

He works in mysterious ways

So last Thursday I ordered my online Easter grocery shop. The driver had just taken off after delivering our order and immediately on starting to put it away, I noticed a bag that I hadn't ordered.

In it were four packets of frozen Hoki fish fillets and 2 packets of sweet potato fries and 2 packets of sea salt and rosemary chips.

I quickly rang the supermarket online customer service. There was a wait of an hour to talk to a human, so I "talked" to the AI bot there called Olive.

Olive was of no use to me. She told me to keep the goods as it was the supermarket's fault and accept them with their compliments.

The bot also told me there were no deliveries the next day as it was Good Friday, so obviously there was no way to get the bag of frozen foods to the correct purchaser.

I felt quite sad for the lady as I imagine this was what she had planned to feed her family Good Friday. I had done all I could but I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. I had been in a similar situation last Christmas and it's not nice.

I hope the lady was able to rustle up something else for Good Friday. Seeing as I have the fish and chips here I plan to use them Wednesday when family come up for lunch.

With my fibromyalgia flaring and a recurrence of polymyalgia rheumatica, I don't want to be cooking as I am out of spoons and in pain.

During this particular time, we had no spare money for extras which included Easter eggs for the grandchildren. They get plenty of chocolate, so they won't go without, but it was a bit difficult to not be able to give them any this year.

That extra food will come in handy as I haven't done another weekly shop and can't until next week. I guess the LORD has provided for our needs and for that I am grateful. He does work in mysterious ways sometimes!

Oh no, no ho ho

So we had our little granddaughter Taylah for a few days, and picked her up Friday, but it didn't go to plan. After a full day, in spite of me making an effort to play with her and give her my full attention, she decided she wanted to go home.

She said she missed her mother, and so we made the 2 hour trip each way to drop her off again. Even though I didn't drive, I was exhausted. Even being a passenger is gruelling when you have a fibromyalgia flare, angina, sore back and broken knees that throb with every heart beat.

I had bought a rolling pin with the nativity on it and planned to make Christmas cookies as gifts. Well, I did make cookies as promised with Taylah helping me, but not the ones I planned to give away. They were plain cookies.

When I told her we had to refrigerate the dough for a couple of hours, she said she didn't want to have to wait. So the Christmas cookies didn't come to pass.

The Mother of all Flares has come to pay me yet another visit- or maybe I just haven't recovered from the last one. I am feeling so exhausted I could collapse. So yesterday I had a nana nap and went to bed earlier than normal.

I was hoping that would do the trick and give me some wind under my sails, but in truth I awoke with no spoons. No spoons on Christmas Eve is a disaster!

We were supposed to leave our home around 11am today and visit my children and grandchildren but I felt unsteady on my feet, due to wonky knees, foggy in head due to fibro and hurting so badly with my spinal stenosis that I had to cancel.

Tomorrow we are supposed to see Taylah open her presents, visit my sister and son for lunch and go to my step-daughter's for afternoon tea before driving the two hours home before dark.

Truthfully, unless I have a miracle, we won't be going. After I finish chatting to you, I will be letting the Tramadol work by going to bed to rest. I really want to feel better.

As much as I love my family and Christmas, it would seem that it is going to have to be cancelled. It's a pity but it is what it is! Besides, nobody wants a spaced out whiny woman around them on Christmas Day. And I don't want to her, but unfortunately it's hard with illness to have any ho ho ho.

No mojo with fibro

So leading up to Christmas, I had my 9 year old granddaughter Taylah, stay with us until Christmas Eve, when she would be taken home in plenty of time for Santa to come.

I promised Tay that we would make Christmas cookies make cubbies, play school, go swimming and have a play date with her cousins.

Day one started out well and we played school, office workers and shop keepers. I showed Tay how to touch type, taught her a bit of Italian and French in a fun way and then I promptly ran out of spoons.

I simply had to give in to the pain and take some Tramadol to keep going. I made some lunch and felt like I might pass out. Dizziness assailed me and I felt vomity. Probably the Tramadol.

I had to explain to Tay that I love having her here, but am not well and I need to take a nana nap. She got a crash course in fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue.

She had lost her paternal grandmother last week and was very anxious about me so I didn't want to frighten her too much, so I said that if I don't go to rest for an hour that I would not enjoy her stay because I would be cranky. If I went to bed just for an hour, I would enjoy it so much more, and so would she.

As she accepted this fact, she immediately bombarded me with "but I thought we were making cookies, playing out side and making a cubby house?" I told her we could do all that if I took a nap. She said OK then got her ipad out. I went to bed and allowed the Tramadol to do its magic. It didn't.

No, it didn't do anything except make me nauseous, even after a 20 minute nap. That was all I got. So, I got up, made us all a cup of tea and sat down with Chris to watch a video he wanted to show me.

Taylah pouted and demanded to make cookies, as I had had a nana nap. Groaning, I got up and started taking ingredients out to make the cookies.

After that, I was too exhausted to clean the kitchen. I cooked dinner and then it was time for Tay to have her bath. That wasn't a big deal as she's nearly ten, but she wanted me to play MacDonalds with her, so I got some wooden spoons and plastic cups for her to play with.

I sat on my shower stool and bought some Big Macs,"no pickles, no onion and a soft serve cone for my daughter." We blew bubbles with the Imperial Leather soap and I did what Fibromites do best: I tried to hide my pain and pretended to have a good time.

By 9 o'clock I insisted that Tay go to bed and I joined her. Before we went to sleep, she told me she missed her mother and wanted to go home.

In the morning, she assured me she loved being here and she loved me but wanted her mum. I told her I understood and that it was fine. We would take her home. She was humming to herself as she played teacher and when I went to the fridge, I found a love note from her to me.

I was glad as I worried she didn't stay with us longer because I was a boring old lady. And I fear I am. Cos everyone knows there's no mojo with fibro.

Resting my tired twinkle

So I did a thing that stripped me of what little spoons I had. I took a shower and went to click and collect a few Christmas gifts I ordered on line.

I came home and cooked dinner and had a bad asthma attack. I couldn't breathe properly. Chris tidied up the kitchen for me and I sat down for a while until I felt better.

The Mother of all Fibro Flares has paid me a visit. I ache everywhere and feel too exhausted even to talk. It is nearly 9pm here and I am ready to go to bed.

You just have to listen to your body in times like this. Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up with some spoons.

After 6 months of not seeing my little granddaughter, Taylah, we are picking her up Friday and having her for a few days. I just have to be well enough for that. We have missed each other. Fortunately she is nearly 10 years old, so she doesn't need a lot of care.

I am too pooped to worry a great deal about Christmas this year. We have bought a few things online and that will have to do. Sometimes you just have to rest your tired twinkle!