Morning Cuppas With Glenys : Still-birth

Showing posts with label Still-birth. Show all posts

For my little angels

On wings of love we'd have laid you down,

Wrapped moonbeams round your sides,

We'd dim the light of distant stars

And sing you lullabies.

We'd linger round your cradle

As we'd gaze at you in awe-

To us you'd be as angels

Too perfect for this world.

You must have dreamt of Heaven

For you decided not to stay,

The angels came and took you

As under my heart you lay.

Now Jesus gently rocks you

In His strong and gentle arms,

We know now, little angels,

You are safe from any harm…

Lord, lay them down in a cradle of gold,

Tuck rainbows round their sides,

Cover them with Your angels’ wings

And if they ever cry-

Tell them Mum and Dad are coming

Just as soon as they awake-

Please kiss our little angels, Lord

And love them in our place.

"Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” Matthew 18:10

Remembering my twins, Sarah Robyn and Ruth Glenys Urbani, born sleeping November 12, 1969

Only God can change your man!

My childhood was not a really good one. My father was an alcoholic and Mum's brother who lived with us was also one. Anger and domestic violence were our lot, especially on weekends.

My mother particularly hated drink and was a tea-totaller herself. I wondered why she married Dad as they were not really well suited. But I think Mum made the fatal mistake of thinking that her love would be stronger than the alcohol and that she would change him after they were married.

Unfortunately, the alcohol was stronger than his love for her, and Mum became a vicious shrew to him and us children.

The more Mum tried to change Dad, the more he rebelled and I can still remember him sitting in his armchair in the lounge room. He would look thoughtfully at the glass of beer he was holding and say loudly, 'I am what I am!' and Mum would taunt him by singing "Nowhere man!" to him. We would then have to flee late at night with Dad throwing beer bottles at us as we frantically ran down the street.

I know God can miraculously deliver people from alcoholism, but unfortunately Dad only gave it up when he had open heart surgery at the tender age of 50. He died six weeks later...

I didn't pick up on the red flags in my own hasty marriage in 1969. At the tender age of 16 I got engaged, became pregnant and married two months later. It was a marriage that nearly didn't take place.

As I said, I should have seen the red flags: the cruelty to animals, the bashing of homosexuals: (before I met him, but he bragged about it), the talking over me, and the strong will that was overbearing. Well, I think I did see those flags, as after a particularly nasty argument, I decided I would break the engagement.

I was a little hesitant to do that because my period was late. I broke my parents' hearts when I told them the result was positive and they offered me a view options.

They would arrange an abortion: no way would I abort a child. Besides, I was hoping that my child perhaps would love *this* love-starved child.

They would keep the child and raise it as their own: they would have to be kidding- I was already planning the nursery in a home where there would be peace. After all, love would conquer all once we were married...

Or they would arrange a hasty marriage... that was the option I took.

But there was no peace, for no sooner had the confetti blown away than the abuse started and when I lost those twin girls six months later, I cried for the babies dying and for the mess I was in.

My marriage lasted 25 long years and I had plenty of time to realise that love does not conquer all. It is far better to stay single than be with the wrong person.

If you can't respect him or condone what he does prior to marriage, don't marry him! People do not usually change just because you marry them or you have a child.

Look carefully before you enter into marriage and never think you will have the power to change your husband after you become his wife.

We are his wife first, not his mother. Wives accept their husbands as they are, they don't train him.

Don't marry him if you have any doubts and think you can change him after, because only God can change your man!

He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

Like a cloak round the shoulders

When my youngest child, Dianne had Acute promyelocytic leukaemia, she was dangerously ill and in ICU three times. At one stage her kidneys were failing. Her body was shutting down.

They put her on dialysis three times and it was touch and go that she would make it through. You can imagine how I felt when they said they thought she was far too deteriorated to make it.

Naturally, I was asked to leave the ICU whilst they hooked her up, and to be honest, I just wanted to be alone. So I went down to the tea room for the patients and their family.

It suddenly hit me that I may never see Dianne alive again, and the horror of the last few weeks during which she was on chemo and reacted violently to it, overtook me and I cried.

Slumping down in the corner of the tiny tea room, I gave my daughter to God. He had every right to take her Home, but being a mother, I asked Him to spare her.

Goodness knows, Dianne was only 35 years old, a wife, and mother to three young children. She was needed here. Although she was a Christian and I knew she would be with the LORD, I wanted her here with me.

I prayed fervently, agreeing that whatever be His Will for her, that He was God. It was worse than the despair I felt when I gave birth to still born twin girls at 32 weeks. Up until then, I thought that was the worst thing that I had experienced. But I was wrong. Losing Dianne was something I couldn't endure.

Still slumped in the corner, I was overwhelmed with a peace that didn't make sense. Here we were in an emotional hell on earth, with Dianne's life hanging in the balance, and I was calm.

It was like a cloak of peace had been placed around my shoulders. It warmed me by routing the fear and it exuded a calm that permeated to my marrow. I knew it was the peace that passes all human understanding that God promises to us.

Because I was calm, I found my legs could still carry me- they were giving way to me in the tea room. I returned to the ICU where Dianne was on the dialysis.

I sat willing her to breathe and watching her breathing as if the very act was too tiring for her. I kissed her hand and silently prayed whilst she slept.

Three days later, she was being taught to walk again on the floor of the ICU and her kidney function was restored. Today, she is in remission for six years. They say it is extremely unlikely she will get APML back again...

This ordeal has shown me that we do have a Saviour Who is very involved in His childrens' lives. He is a good Father Who comforts His children when all else fails.

If Dianne had been called Home, I would not have lost faith in Him. But mercifully, He allowed her to live.

The warmth of the Peace He gave me in my most extreme anguished pain, is proof to me that He is a God of His Word. He truly gives us peace that is beyond understanding.

Call on the LORD in your own anguish and see that He is a caring and compassionate Father. There's nothing like His Cloak of Peace around your shoulders.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

“Little Angels”

On wings of love we laid you down,

Wrapped moonbeams round your sides,

We dimmed the light of distant stars

And sang you lullabies.

We lingered round your cradle

As we gazed at you in awe-

To us you were as angels

Too perfect for this world.

You must have dreamt of Heaven

For you decided not to stay,

The angels came and took you

On the clouds on which you lay.

Now Jesus gently rocks you

In His strong and gentle arms,

We know now, little angels,

You are safe from any harm…

Lord, lay them down in a cradle of gold,

Tuck rainbows round their sides,

Cover them with Your angels’ wings

And if they ever cry-

Tell them Mum and Dad are coming

Just as soon as they awake-

Please kiss our little angels, Lord

And love them in our place.

"Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” Matthew 18:10

For Sarah and Ruth born sleeping 12 November 1969

Teardrop babies.

WARNING- POSSIBLE TRIGGER FOR THOSE WHO HAVE LOST A BABY:

Many years ago, my mother went to the hospital bleeding heavily during her 13th week of pregnancy. It was unclear on her admission if she had in fact lost the baby she had planned. She was laying in the cubicle awaiting results of the examination of her lost tissue to see if she had miscarried or not. It was in the days before ultrasound.

Eventually a nurse came in, winked conspiratorially at Mum and announced that it looked like she had miscarried. Her demeanour was like she was the bearer of good news and that Mum should be grateful that she was no longer pregnant. Mum just turned her face to the wall and cried.

As a young woman, I too had a loss of a much wanted pregnancy. At the time I conceived, I had to have an emergency surgery. I was so ill for so long after the anaesthetic that it dawned on me that it could be morning sickness. It was.

I prayed that I would not lose the baby but it was not to be. A few weeks after my morning sickness disappeared- and I was always morning sick the entire 9 months with my other babies- I started bleeding.

Eventually I lost my baby and Mum had advised me to keep any tissue I lost to show the doctor. I fetched out my lost tissue and found a little embryo, all curled up and just forming its eyes. I was devastated.

I showed the little one to my then husband, who sniffed and said what a silly looking little thing it was! Something inside me died and I went outside and wept for the baby who would join its stillborn twin sisters, Sarah and Ruth in God's nursery. I named it Leslie because that name would do for either gender.

Wiping my eyes, I thought about how precious these lives were and how sad most women feel when they never see the light. By far there are more women who grieve over the loss of a baby than who feel relieved or rejoice. I decided that I would call lost babies Teardrop Babies. For many would shed a tear over their loss.

No Teardrop Baby is lost to God and is known to Him and that brings me some comfort. All mothers of those babes will see them again if they know the Giver of Life. I believe that goes for aborted children as well. Many a woman who aborted a baby will suffer great anguish over that choice and if she repents, God will forgive her and show her His great mercy and grace.

No matter what people tell us about our lost Teardrop Baby being just a bunch of cells or tissue, we know that they were our potential son or daughter and we will grieve for them with many tears. Another reason I call lost babes Teardrop Babies.

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. Psalm 139:16

Mummy remembers you

On wings of love we'd have laid you down,

Wrapped moonbeams round your sides,

We'd dim the light of distant stars

And sing you lullabies.

We'd linger round your cradle

As we'd gaze at you in awe-

To us you'd be as angels

Too perfect for this world.

You must have dreamt of Heaven

For you decided not to stay,

The angels came and took you

As under my heart you lay.

Now Jesus gently rocks you

In His strong and gentle arms,

We know now, little angels,

You are safe from any harm…

Lord, lay them down in a cradle of gold,

Tuck rainbows round their sides,

Cover them with Your angels’ wings

And if they ever cry-

Tell them Mum and Dad are coming

Just as soon as they awake-

Please kiss our little angels, Lord

And love them in our place.

"Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” Matthew 18:10

Remembering my twins, Sarah Robyn and Ruth Glenys Urbani, born sleeping November 12, 1969

It's not every day...

Over the last thirty years I have suffered from over fifty bi-lateral kidney stones. Sometimes after waiting agonising weeks, they would pass, but five times I required surgery to remove them. At one time, I had surgery twice in a month. It is the most painful of pains and surgery.

At each occasion, no one seemed interested in finding out why I made them, and didn't send them off to be analysed. I was miserable and lived in fear of the onset of back pain which signalled a stone was coming. Of course, being in traction for my back two weeks at a time didn't help matters. I always seemed to get a stone after being in hospital.

Fed up, after passing a charming 6mm jagged stone, I changed doctors and at last I found one who was curious to know why I kept making them. He kept the stone I showed him and sent it off for analysis. But better yet, he sent me to see a kidney specialist who was at the time associated with our local hospital in Dandenong.

The renal specialist was Margot McIver, a very approachable older lady, who became a pioneer in renal medicine in Australia. Margot spent a lot of the consultation questioning me about my health. She was interested that I had an identical twin. Then she noticed my maiden name, her interest was piqued.

Chalkley was a name that rang a bell with her. In her training days at the Queen Victoria Hospital Melbourne, she was treating my mother during our birth. Mum had pre-eclampsia and uterine inertia plus a bad kidney infection. She remembered our hurried delivery by high forceps- we were lying transverse and were both breech. She said she was in the observation gallery for trainee doctors and remembered it well. She said our birth was complicated and she learned a lot from her teacher doctor.

Margot was the only doctor ever to offer condolences for the still born twin girls I had given birth to in 1969 and to venture an opinion on the cause of their death in utero. Her opinion was an untreated kidney infection took their lives. Very common in multiple pregnancies, she said.

She had me do many blood tests and 24 hour samples of urine and later went on to diagnose me with calcium oxylate stones in uric acid. I was given allopurinol to reduce the uric acid in my blood and so give the calcium oxylate nothing to bind with. I have had no stones since taking it....

I was sad to read of her death in Queensland in 2012 at age 78 . She would have been the same age as my mother...

Margot will always be remembered for her compassionate and caring manner as well as medical expertise. I was amazed that I got to meet the doctor who looked after my mother and watched my birth at the training hospital. She touched me lightly on the arm as she said goodbye at my last visit and voiced what I had been thinking, "It was lovely to meet you: who would have thought?... it's not every day...!"

So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom. Psalm 90:12

His Cloak of Peace