Soul mates for life

 

Most of us married people want to be happy in our marriage. We want it to last forever and we want our husband to be happy. A big part of a man's happiness involves how loved, respected and appreciated he feels. So how do we make him feel that?

With Chris, he appreciates me listening to him and giving him my full attention. So when he talks to me about things that I have no interest in like cars and motorbikes and so on, I make myself listen and interact with him. This is a real test of my patience for me because we are together 24/7 every day of the year.

He doesn't help me much in the home because of his own health issues, so when he does, I thank him sincerely. Usually I give him a kiss as well because his love language is touch. Fortunately mine is as well.

I think honest appreciation and praise help build a man's esteem and I often tell Chris what I love about him and we celebrate little anniversaries of events like when we got engaged, our first kiss and so on. It keeps our love alive.

Although once I said that Chris is a good man but a horrible patient, I don't bag him to others- especially family. I think that is something that a lot of married people do and it makes a man feel anything but appreciated and respected.

Like most people if they are honest, we have had an occasional fight, but generally I would say that we both feel respected, appreciated and loved.

On the private side of marriage, I feel it's important to be affectionate and responsive to your husband and never belittle him if he truly isn't a Don Juon. 

In regards to parenting, I believe a man can be shot down in flames in front of his children if we are not united in front of them. Respect and appreciation is necessary  so as not to usurp his authority as a father and leader of the home.

A man's provision for his family should never be called into question. He is usually spinning his wheel as fast as he can at work and we should never belittle him or grumble about how much other men are earning more than him.

One should never emasculate one's husband by suggesting he "get a real job" when he is toiling at a job that some consider beneath them.

We must show our appreciation and respect of him as bread winner by supporting him in whatever line of work he's in. Respect and appreciation make a man feel loved.

It is within a wife's power to keep a man happy and feeling respected and appreciated. Any man can be married, but not happy. Make sure your husband a happily married man so that you will be soul mates for life.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 1 Peter 3:5-6

Clean enough to be healthy

I have had a perfectionist streak all my life, but in the last twenty or so years of ill health, I have had to learn to be content with a more relaxed approach to my home making.

Where once I would be consumed with (false) guilt because I made our bed without four corner tucks or I had the blankets bumpy on the bed, I have had to make do with a more lenient approach. I simply don't have the energy to do four corner tucks. However, even the bed made up quickly and sporting a lump here or there, is extremely satisfying to me now that I've gotten past the perfectionism.

Mornings are no longer the time for house keeping. I have to fit in what I can over however long it takes me... and be content at the end of the day that I actually got it done...

I no longer allow cleaning schedules to dictate to me what I must achieve in any given day or time frame: it gets done more or less within the schedule but on a time of my choosing. It's the only way a Sacrificial Home Keeper can manage..

In saying that I am no longer a perfectionist, I still like to live in a clean home. For me, there are basic things that are not negotiable. I cannot live my life happily unless these things are clean:

I must be clean.

My clothes must be clean.

My bed must be fresh and clean.

My dishes and cooking utensils must be clean.

I can't stand smelly toilets and these and my bathroom must be clean.

These days I need help to maintain this list of essentials.  I do not go into a spin if a fly has died on my window ledge or there is some dust on my furniture. I have learned to accept white cat fur as a part of being a mother to a white cat. The floors can be in need of a vacuum, but I now have Roombas to do them.  It has been years since I ironed something that only I will see... and I learned years ago that one can sleep on unironed pillowcases... it can be done!

I find cooking, shopping, menu and social planning, washing and folding of clothes, managing finances and being a loving wife to my husband is enough for me to cope with. I know from experience over the years that by not pacing myself, I will crash and burn and my recovery time will need more than an occasional nana nap...

Accepting our limitations is an important part of staying calm in a world that has become anything but. And for most of us Sacrificial Home Keepers, our world is our home. 

One final thought that helped me was remembering what our family doctor once said to me when my children were young: "A home should be clean enough to be healthy, but untidy enough to be happy!"  I am trusting that I have at last put his advice into action.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect. 2 Samuel 22:33

Is your husband a happily married man?

 

Most of us married people want to be happy in our marriage. We want it to last forever and we want our husband to be happy. A big part of a man's happiness involves how loved, respected and appreciated he feels. So how do we make him feel that?

With Chris, he appreciates me listening to him and giving him my full attention. So when he talks to me about things that I have no interest in like cars and motorbikes and so on, I make myself listen and interact with him. This is a real test of my patience for me because we are together 24/7 every day of the year.

He doesn't help me much in the home because of his own health issues, so when he does, I thank him sincerely. Usually I give him a kiss as well because his love language is touch. Fortunately mine is as well.

I think honest appreciation and praise help build a man's esteem and I often tell Chris what I love about him and we celebrate little anniversaries of events like when we got engaged, our first kiss and so on. It keeps our love alive.

Although once I said that Chris is a good man but a horrible patient, I don't bag him to others- especially family. I think that is something that a lot of married people do and it makes a man feel anything but appreciated and respected.

Like most people if they are honest, we have had an occasional fight, but generally I would say that we both feel respected, appreciated and loved.

On the private side of marriage, I feel it's important to be affectionate and responsive to your husband and never belittle him if he truly isn't a Don Juon. 

In regards to parenting, I believe a man can be shot down in flames in front of his children if we are not united in front of them. Respect and appreciation is necessary  so as not to usurp his authority as a father and leader of the home.

A man's provision for his family should never be called into question. He is usually spinning his wheel as fast as he can at work and we should never belittle him or grumble about how much other men are earning more than him.

One should never emasculate one's husband by suggesting he "get a real job" when he is toiling at a job that some consider beneath them.

We must show our appreciation and respect of him as bread winner by supporting him in whatever line of work he's in. Respect and appreciation make a man feel loved.

It is within a wife's power to keep a man happy and feeling respected and appreciated. Any man can be married, but not happy. Is your husband a happily married man?

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 1 Peter 3:5-6

Taken for granted

And so another week of being at home is upon us. The future is uncertain and looks a bit grim. However, there are some things surfacing out of this that are good.

There is a growing awareness of the value of living life intentionally.  Because the Corona Virus is no respecter of age or gender and can be so easily acquired, there is a deeper awareness that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Life is not taken for granted any more.

Our families that live with us may get on our nerves during the isolation, but with it comes a bond or connection to each other as we brave this outbreak.

Social media and mobile phones have been great in bringing us closer in communication, but this isolation has created in most of us a longing for physical contact with those who do not live with us. There is nothing like a hug, and kiss or a hold of the hand.

There has been a greater appreciation of the first responders who truly risk their lives to keep us or our loved ones alive if they contract the virus. They are to be honoured above all others. No longer taken for granted: they are the epitomy of servanthood and sacrifice.

The chance to revive family ties or marriages is here with no work to keep us apart, and intimacy both in marriage and with the parenting relationship have the opportunity to thrive. The family is no longer taken for granted.  Nor is love. 

So much is changing, but as at Easter, traditional worship was replaced by streamed online services, and social distancing when at the chemist or supermarket are enforced: helping life retain some normalcy and stability.

Rona has forced the whole world to stop and reassess and has found us guilty. Guilty of believing life would just continue as it was and largely taken for granted. 

There is so much negativity brought on by this virus, but one thing is positive from all of this: we will never again take our freedom, our worship, our family or our friends for granted.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

No longer taken for granted

And so another week of being at home is upon us. The future is uncertain and looks a bit grim. However, there are some things surfacing out of this that are good.

There is a growing awareness of the value of living life intentionally.  Because the Corona Virus is no respecter of age or gender and can be so easily acquired, there is a deeper awareness that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Life is not taken for granted any more.

Our families that live with us may get on our nerves during the isolation, but with it comes a bond or connection to each other as we brave this outbreak.

Social media and mobile phones have been great in bringing us closer in communication, but this isolation has created in most of us a longing for physical contact with those who do not live with us. There is nothing like a hug, and kiss or a hold of the hand.

There has been a greater appreciation of the first responders who truly risk their lives to keep us or our loved ones alive if they contract the virus. They are to be honoured above all others. No longer taken for granted: they are the epitomy of servanthood and sacrifice.

The chance to revive family ties or marriages is here with no work to keep us apart, and intimacy both in marriage and with the parenting relationship have the opportunity to thrive. The family is no longer taken for granted.  Nor is love. 

So much is changing, but as at Easter, traditional worship was replaced by streamed online services, and social distancing when at the chemist or supermarket are enforced: helping life retain some normalcy and stability.

Rona has forced the whole world to stop and reassess and has found us guilty. Guilty of believing life would just continue as it was and largely taken for granted. 

There is so much negativity brought on by this virus, but one thing is positive from all of this: we will never again take our freedom, our worship, our family or our friends for granted.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

Sex isn't everything.

This picture reminds me of Chris and I in the kitchen... I often can be washing the dishes and he will come behind me for a cuddle.. I still blush and giggle like a school girl!  I usually go weak at the knees when he kisses the back of my neck, and I turn around and kiss him passionately.  Finally, we break away, breathless with romance and laughter!  Most times, he then pitches in and helps me finish washing up.

This little dalliance of ours to us is quite romantic and that coupled with the fact that Chris helps me with the dishes, makes me feel nurtured and happy- it doesn't take a lot for me! Which is good, because money is short for a lot of flowers and chocolates.

We do go out together for meals whenever we can salt away a little money.  Nothing too expensive, but we bring our own ambiance!  Just looking into each others' eyes and holding hands over the table reminds us of our early days together and keeps us focused on each other.  Truly, we do adore each other.

Because money is in short supply, and because we constantly laugh together and cuddle often, we feel that special occasions such as Christmas, birthdays and Valentines' Day aren't necessary to show affection and love. We in fact, do not buy gifts for these for each other. And it is perfectly fine with us. We do, however look at our wedding photos and reminisce a lot on our anniversary or any other date significant to us...

I think it may be the fact that we are an older married couple that makes it easier to see romance in ways that younger couples don't.  With age and fibromyalgia and heart and back problems and Chris with his diabetes, sex is either umcomfortable or impossible. So both Chris and I look forward to a bubble bath at home with a good back wash and nail trims or a foot or back massage.  We do that for each other on a regular basis. To us, nurture is romance!

Chris loves me bringing his breakfast into him in the morning. This to him is romantic and although his not buying me presents and sending me cards may seem that he is an unromantic man, nothing could be further from the truth.  He sings to me! We have some special songs that he says were written just for us, and he will play them on the computer, and take me in his arms and croon to me as we dance slowly round the living room.

Because I am often in hospital, Chris shows his care by staying with me most of the day until visiting hours are over, just stroking my hair and holding my hand. Or he will come with our laptop and headphones for me. My heart melts with love for him.  We can't stand to be away from each other.

Illness, medications, no spoons and age have curtailed our times of intimacy, but we manage to show love to each other in ways that are imaginative, erotic and very caring.  There is absolutely no thoughts of unmet needs- love can be expressed in ways other than full sexual intercourse, and we delight in each other regardless! If sex happens, it's a bonus!

So we don't care about no presents or cards for Christmas, or birthdays or Valentines' Day-  with the romantic sparks that still fly between us, and our little dalliances, every day is Valentines' Day. 

I thank God for Chris as I am one very blessed wife, and I tell him often.... he finds that very romantic too! We are proof that you can live without sex! Sex isn't everything! (This post has been written with my husbands' permission)

Until the indignation be overpast

Most of  us are spending a lot of time at home these days under stay at home laws to stop the spread of the Covid 19. In fact, we here in Melbourne Australia have been lifted to Stage 4 as the numbers of fresh infections increases.  Now obviously this is going to make us more weary of the isolation, but it is what it is...

Instead of being frustrated or angry, let us resolve to make the most of this situation and try to find some postitive aspects of this enforced isolation in our homes. This is a time for family to be close together. Let us try to make our homes a sanctuary from the world's trouble and mayhem. So let us deck the halls of our home and heart...

• Let us make sure we keep our homes clean and aired.
• Let us try to stay to a routine that gives us time to teach our children.
• Let us remember that our children will be picking up and hearing fearful information, so let us be particularly loving with them.
• Let us make meals that not only fill our family's stomach, but nourish them. Give them something to look forward to at meal times.
• Let us be loving with our husband- chances are he has worries about employment and like you, is concerned about how to stretch the finances and keep the roof over your head and food on the table.
• Let us try to avoid speaking constantly about the ills of this current state of the world in front of the children. They may be young, but they will take in a lot of fear. If the parents are afraid, then for them, it is the end of the world.
• Let us limit watching the news as this is bound to effect everyone. Limit news to finding out directly what you need to know and turn it off.
• Let us watch uplifting videos, especially with our children and let's play with them. Make a cubby house and let your children be the Mum and you the child. Use your imagination and delight them.
• Let us put our little ones into the bath and sit alongside them, singing songs and telling stories and blowing bubbles with them.
• Let us have a sense of calm and peace in our home, for everyone to enjoy.
• Let us be particularly attentive and available to our spouse and fan the flames of romance. It works wonders for a marriage.
• Let us sit at table and teach the little ones etiquette, and have the table set nicely to make it a time of pleasure and unity.
• Let us continue with a daily nightly bedtime routine for the children and keep regular sleeping hours.
• Let us pray with our children at night as they go to bed, allowing them to know that God loves them, watches out for them and calls all the stars by name. Invite discussion of any worries so that they can be reassured and sleep better.
• Let us keep up with our own appearance and hygiene, for that will make us feel more like we can cope.
• Let us use the fine crockery, tableware, cloth serviettes and silver utensils. Drag out the best linen and softest towels and celebrate home and family.
• Let us remember to pray for others, particularly for those for whom isolation means domestic violence. Have this link on hand for help if you or someone you know needs protection and advice.
• Let us remember to keep close to the LORD Who has gone to prepare a place for us, and is coming to take us Home with Him soon. 

Let us deck our halls and hearts with faith, love, peace, joy and hope...until the indignation be overpast

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Come, my people, enter thou into thy chambers, and shut thy doors about thee: hide thyself as it were for a little moment, until the indignation be overpast. Isaiah 26:20 

Let's deck our halls and hearts

Most of  us are spending a lot of time at home these days under stay at home laws to stop the spread of the Corona Virus. In fact, we here in Melbourne Australia have been lifted to Stage 4 as the numbers of fresh infections increases.  Now obviously this is going to make us more weary of the isolation, but it is what it is...

Instead of being frustrated or angry, let us resolve to make the most of this situation and try to find some postitive aspects of this enforced isolation in our homes. This is a time for family to be close together. Let us try to make our homes a sanctuary from the world's trouble and mayhem. So let us deck the halls of our home and heart...

• Let us make sure we keep our homes clean and aired.
• Let us try to stay to a routine that gives us time to teach our children.
• Let us remember that our children will be picking up and hearing fearful information, so let us be particularly loving with them.
• Let us make meals that not only fill our family's stomach, but nourish them. Give them something to look forward to at meal times.
• Let us be loving with our husband- chances are he has worries about employment and like you, is concerned about how to stretch the finances and keep the roof over your head and food on the table.
• Let us try to avoid speaking constantly about the ills of this current state of the world in front of the children. They may be young, but they will take in a lot of fear. If the parents are afraid, then for them, it is the end of the world.
• Let us limit watching the news as this is bound to effect everyone. Limit news to finding out directly what you need to know and turn it off.
• Let us watch uplifting videos, especially with our children and let's play with them. Make a cubby house and let your children be the Mum and you the child. Use your imagination and delight them.
• Let us put our little ones into the bath and sit alongside them, singing songs and telling stories and blowing bubbles with them.
• Let us have a sense of calm and peace in our home, for everyone to enjoy.
• Let us be particularly attentive and available to our spouse and fan the flames of romance. It works wonders for a marriage.
• Let us sit at table and teach the little ones etiquette, and have the table set nicely to make it a time of pleasure and unity.
• Let us continue with a daily nightly bedtime routine for the children and keep regular sleeping hours.
• Let us pray with our children at night as they go to bed, allowing them to know that God loves them, watches out for them and calls all the stars by name. Invite discussion of any worries so that they can be reassured and sleep better.
• Let us keep up with our own appearance and hygiene, for that will make us feel more like we can cope.
• Let us use the fine crockery, tableware, cloth serviettes and silver utensils. Drag out the best linen and softest towels and celebrate home and family.
• Let us remember to pray for others, particularly for those for whom isolation means domestic violence. Have this link on hand for help if you or someone you know needs protection and advice.
• Let us remember to keep close to the LORD Who has gone to prepare a place for us, and is coming to take us Home with Him soon. 

Whilst we wait for Him, let us deck our halls and hearts with faith, love, peace, joy and hope...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

John 14:1-2 Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 

Just run to God and pray

Prayer is as important to the Christian as breathing, but a  lot  of  Christians  don't  pray  much  or  are intimidated by the very word "prayer".

They get bound up with perfectionism, worrying that they may not be eloquent enough to pray properly. Then there is the fear of political correctness: how does one approach a loving but strict God?

Still others are afraid to approach God through prayer. They feel unworthy to come before Him. All these things are hindrances to prayer.

So what is prayer? Prayer is talking to God. It is expressing our heart to Him in the confidence that He hears. It is an act of faith. It is just having a conversation with Someone with Whom we have a personal and deep relationship.  And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask anything according to his will, he heareth us: 1 John 5:14

Prayer is not using long flowery words spoken with the eloquence of angels... it is deep and meaningful communion between God and ourselves.

Prayer is knowing that we have a heavenly Advocate: Jesus Who intercedes to the Father for us. My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous 1 John 2:1

Prayer is the us in our faith: Us and Him. It's the sharing, the confessing, the repenting, the guidance, the Spiritual Intimacy that our souls long for. It's the heartbreak, the grief and it's the Love of a Father for His Child: us. you. me.

Prayer is the medium for communication between the Divine and us. It's a natural outflow of a loving relationship with the Creator as we travel this journey called Life. It's freely available day or night with no wi fi connection problems...

It doesn't matter where you pray, or even how you pray if you are sincere. God already knows what we need and what's in our heart, but He longs to hear from us- and even when we can't pray or find the words to pray, the Holy Spirit prays for us. 

 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.  Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27

We know that sometimes our prayers aren't answered as we had hoped, and sometimes unconfessed sin can hinder that. But it is still important to keep faith and keep praying for that is the umbilical cord or connection to communicating with our God.

Only God knows why He has not answered a prayer according to our wishes, but that is not a reason to give Him the cold shoulder. Take your disappointment to Him in prayer and re-establish that relationship with Him. He no doubt has something in our best interest when He withholds answering that prayer. Pray anyway. Even if it is just to be comforted. Pray.

None of us are worthy in our own right to approach the Throne of God and pray, but God sees us through the work that Jesus has done. Come to Him and pray about everything. All the time. For everyone. Even strangers. Even your enemies. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.Quench not the Spirit.Despise not prophesyings. 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Pray with clean hands and hearts for the prayer of a righteous man availeth much. And if your hands and heart aren't pure, pray for forgiveness with sincerity. Prayer will keep us safe from the Evil One and close to The One Who loves us and gave His life for us. And Who Himself prays to the Father for us. Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16

Let our first reaction in all things be to run to the Father and pray!    © Glenys Robyn Hicks

Sex isn't everything

This picture reminds me of Chris and I in the kitchen... I often can be washing the dishes and he will come behind me for a cuddle.. I still blush and giggle like a school girl!  I usually go weak at the knees when he kisses the back of my neck, and I turn around and kiss him passionately.  Finally, we break away, breathless with romance and laughter!  Most times, he then pitches in and helps me finish washing up.

This little dalliance of ours to us is quite romantic and that coupled with the fact that Chris helps me with the dishes, makes me feel nurtured and happy- it doesn't take a lot for me! Which is good, because money is short for a lot of flowers and chocolates.

We do go out together for meals whenever we can salt away a little money.  Nothing too expensive, but we bring our own ambiance!  Just looking into each others' eyes and holding hands over the table reminds us of our early days together and keeps us focused on each other.  Truly, we do adore each other.

Because money is in short supply, and because we constantly laugh together and cuddle often, we feel that special occasions such as Christmas, birthdays and Valentines' Day aren't necessary to show affection and love. We in fact, do not buy gifts for these for each other. And it is perfectly fine with us. We do, however look at our wedding photos and reminisce a lot on our anniversary or any other date significant to us...

I think it may be the fact that we are an older married couple that makes it easier to see romance in ways that younger couples don't.  With age and fibromyalgia and heart and back problems and Chris with his diabetes, sex is either umcomfortable or impossible. So both Chris and I look forward to a bubble bath at home with a good back wash and nail trims or a foot or back massage.  We do that for each other on a regular basis. To us, nurture is romance!

Chris loves me bringing his breakfast into him in the morning. This to him is romantic and although his not buying me presents and sending me cards may seem that he is an unromantic man, nothing could be further from the truth.  He sings to me! We have some special songs that he says were written just for us, and he will play them on the computer, and take me in his arms and croon to me as we dance slowly round the living room.

Because I am often in hospital, Chris shows his care by staying with me most of the day until visiting hours are over, just stroking my hair and holding my hand. Or he will come with our laptop and headphones for me. My heart melts with love for him.  We can't stand to be away from each other.

Illness, medications, no spoons and age have curtailed our times of intimacy, but we manage to show love to each other in ways that are imaginative, erotic and very caring.  There is absolutely no thoughts of unmet needs- love can be expressed in ways other than full sexual intercourse, and we delight in each other regardless! If sex happens, it's a bonus!

So we don't care about no presents or cards for Christmas, or birthdays or Valentines' Day-  with the romantic sparks that still fly between us, and our little dalliances, every day is Valentines' Day. 

I thank God for Chris as I am one very blessed wife, and I tell him often.... he finds that very romantic too! We are proof that you can live without sex! Sex isn't everything!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life ... 1 Peter 3:7  this post has been written with my husbands' permission.

When an aspirin won't fix it

When it comes to Fibromyalgia many people – men and women – have reported a reduction in their libido due to the sometimes chronic nature of the condition. Sometimes Fibromyalgia sufferers can feel perfectly well and are willing to make love but a ‘flare-up’ can put paid to such willingness.

The sheer unpredictability of the condition is such that it can leave one or both partners feeling as though they are not wanted and that perhaps the other partner is making excuses; this is simply not the case.

Sufferers of Fibromyalgia, especially in its chronic form, find it difficult to make love because of the levels of pain they have to endure. Making love requires a considerable amount of bodily movement and if the trigger points flare up then this movement can be painful or at the very least uncomfortable.

Another problem with Fibromyalgia is the way in which an individual’s body weight can fluctuate; this too has consequences on the libido, making the sufferer feel as though they are unable to perform and instilling in them a lack of self-confidence which manifests itself as a lack of libido.

It is important to emphasise that a lack of libido can be turned around either by reducing stress and anxiety or by changing one’s daily routine. Your doctor will not necessarily prescribe any medication to help combat this problem as there is not really much that can be done physically about the condition.

I think it is very important to reassure your husband that you still love him even though you are hurting too much for intimacy. In areas of chronic pain and illness, communication must be open so that there are no silent doubts about whether you as a wife, still love your husband.

So important is this area of intimacy in marriage, that I would suggest that you be willing to try to accommodate your husband at any reasonable time, instead of just at night when you are understandably tired out. If lovemaking is simply impossible, remember to caress and cuddle your husband. author unknown

Remember to be demonstrative and vocal with letting your husband know you love him. He will most likely be feeling anxious that he can't help you in your suffering. Fibromyalgia flares can't be fixed by taking a few aspirins.

Blessings, Glenys 

My beloved is white and ruddy, chief among ten thousand. Song of Songs 5:10

Chief among ten thousand

It is a medical fact that our brain is our greatest sexual organ. Desire starts there. When the body is tired and intimacy seems like one more ‘chore’ before blessed sleep, I have found that it helps to dwell on what made you fall in love with your husband in the first place.

Bring to mind all the little things he said or did that spoke to you in your early days together. Remember how he looked, how he smelt..his aftershave, even his sweat and the smoothness of his skin, his eyes, his voice. Remember too the intimate moments you shared in the past and let them intoxicate you again with rekindled love for your man. Cultivate a thankful heart for being his wife and look forward to celebrating that oneness in the beauty of the marital bed. True intimacy is not what is shown in pornography. Under no circumstances focus on other people’s intimacy…you want to foster desire for your own husband’s embrace.

As you dwell on your husband’s desirability, more often than not, your mind will start pining for his embrace. This god-given desire usually is stronger than tiredness. The Shulamite in the Song of Songs fantasised about her husband’s body and eagerly looked forward to his lovemaking..there certainly is a place for fantasising about intimacy with your husband. I find that by thinking of all the wonderful things about my spouse, and dwelling on them, that I can overcome chronic fatigue (through illness) and eagerly await intimacy with him.

I believe that this is a great way to help overcome fatigue and lack of desire without sinning.. Take a look at the Song of Solomon and rekindle the flame

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

My beloved [is] white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand. Song of Solomon 5:10

Created for love

As women, we can often think that God has given us the rough end of a pineapple physically. We have to contend with pre-menstrual stress, periods and later on, pregnancy and childbirth  and menopause. Even our first intercourse is often painful and we wonder if we had the power, if we would have preferred to have been born male.

But I don't think most of us realise that God loves womankind and has designed us to respond to a loving man with a sensitive organ that has no other place than to bring us pleasure in intercourse. Other than humans, no other mammal has one: a clitoris.

In the Song of Solomon, the Shulamite actually requests her Beloved to pleasure her so that her juices may flow out...His left hand is under my head, And his right hand embraces me. Song of Songs 2:6  Awake, O north wind, And come, O south! Blow upon my garden, That its spices may flow out. Let my beloved come to his garden And eat its pleasant fruits. Songs 4:1

The Shulamite is well aware of this gift of love from the LORD. Something that speaks to us of God's love for us and His plan for a happy marriage with His daughters elevated to more than mere sex objects. 

This gift from the LORD is spoken of in many ancient texts and in Latin is known as "the little key" for it opens the pathway to a woman's heart. The French call it "Le petit penis" which is the little penis, so named because in the early fetal stage these two organs develop the same: the male nub growing into a penis and the female nub receding into the clitoris. Both comprised of the same sensitive tissue and nerve endings. Proof that intercourse is not meant to be pleasurable just for men.

It's interesting to note that in non Christian countries where a woman's place is mainly for begetting sons, the clitoris is either cut or fully removed. Supposedly to ensure a woman stays faithful and doesn't gain pleasure from intercourse. In fact, it's just further proof that Satan hates womankind and destroys everything that God says is good.

Married sex is so important in bonding couples that God has created an organ that enhances not only pleasure for women, but for the husbands who delight in pleasing them. This is so critical in building strong marriages and keeping families together. 

Once we get over our embarrassment at reading about the clitoris, we can see that it is a gift to women from a God Who truly loves them.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

His left hand is under my head,  and his right hand embraces me.  Song of Songs 8:3

Silent wings

As you probably know, Chris and I have been married before. He was deserted as she went with her boss, and I was severely abused. The emotional pain of separation took its' toll on us, especially as they both were long marriages..

We never really achieved true bonding with our first spouses (because they didn't love us), but twenty-one years after our marrying, we are still amazed at the depth of intimacy in our marriage. We guard our marriage and both of us believe it is our first priority after God...

Our marriage must be our first priority after God for like any relationship, they can slowly die off if not tended. It is like air from a tyre: a slow leak can eventually do as much damage as a blow out! 

We love a particular song by Tina Turner called On Silent Wings. It describes exactly what can happen in a marriage that is not tended... We never want to find ourselves in a loveless marriage again and we purposely cultivate intimacy- and I am not talking only of sex, even though that is important to enhance it. I am talking of spiritual bonding, cleaving and longing for each other... the hallmark of a successful marriage...

Becoming one is God's plan for marriage, and cleaving to each other is critical to its' survival. Today with so many things pulling us away from home, it is easy to become complacent about our marriage and eventually it can fizzle out.

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." Ephesians 5:33

Of all things in this world, attending to our marriage is critical. It deserves our best effort because not only has God ordained it, but our family and home depend on it. Marriage is the foundation of civilisation .... let's make sure ours is a good one with no silent wings...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24

Without Spot Or Blemish

Dear Handmaidens, do you dream of the day that you will stand beside the man who God has called you to marry? I know I did.  How do you think your husband will feel with you standing there beside him,  dressed in a gorgeous white gown knowing that forever from this day forth you will be his and his alone? Will you be feeling happy that you are truly a handmaiden of the LORD and kept yourself exclusively as a treasure for your husband,  or will you have some deep regret? Did you let go of the vision Christ has for us to be a holy bride, without spot or blemish…both for Him and your husband?

God knows that the desire of our hearts as women will be to give ourselves completely for the first time to our husband. That is His plan for us. Keeping ourselves pure in thought and deed will be so worth it when we finally become one with our husband. It is our Lord’s desire for us for He wants what will make us happiest. Honour and purity are such precious things in the Lord’s sight. It ultimately will play a big part in the foundation of your marriage and ministry as a godly wife and mother. May you keep yourself spotless and without blemish so that as you stand before God, your husband and family, you can stand without regret or shame.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

May your husband on your wedding day be able to exclaim as Solomon did: "Thou [art] all fair, my love; [there is] no spot in thee. ” Solomon 4:1 And may you delight in this, and may it enthrall your soul, as you know this to be true.

Behind closed doors

She came to our Pastors' wife. Battered and worn out from years of domestic violence and abuse, she looked like a frightened and nervous child. At 34, she had seen more violence and had been on the receiving end of more blows than most people even dreamed about.

Not knowing why exactly she had come, she sought the Pastors wife out for prayer and godly advice, not really expecting anything more than an arm around her and Gods' peace- for she needed Him so desperately!

With her stomach aching and bruised in places one never sees, she told her sad tale of spousal rape, an assault that not only caused much physical damage 5 weeks after major womens' surgery, but which left her terrified of her husband. Sleeping in the bed with him was a torment that birthed nightmares and a feeling of suffocation: an aftermath of him smothering out her screams with her pillow.

What did this hurting woman receive? Certainly not compassion: her ears rang as she was told that he had his needs! After all, 5 weeks is a long time for a man! She replied that she had just had surgery. Stitches. Repairs! She was feeling dreadfully alone and condemned. Especially when she was told that there are other things you could do for him! Oh yes, but not to a cold man who disliked kissing and other displays of affection.

Choking on her tears, the frightened wife told her that she hadn't denied him, had just asked for gentleness this one time. But what followed was the worst rape and rage that she had ever known in her then 18 years of marriage.

Unable to share this in public and afraid to cast her husband in a bad light with her family, she turned to the only place where she could perhaps find her God and feel Him in her life again. A God Who watched silently while she suffered, it seemed to her.

Instead she was thrown to the lions. Shot by her own. Condemned and made to feel ashamed and guilty for the act of a sadistic man. Betrayed and humiliated, she left the Pastors' office after being further admonished to cook better, forgive and forget and to remember that he was an unbeliever thus a 'poor sinner', unable to help himself. Oh yes, and she was to smile! And with a witness like that, he would be sure to come to Christ! It was almost verbatim the advice that Debi Pearl gives in her dangerous book, Created To Be His Helpmeet. And the book hadn't even been written!

Where is this woman today? Well, fortunately, God did meet her in her darkest hour. She cooked better, prayed harder, believed for a miracle of love to be born, stayed for another 7 years and suffered from sleep deprivation and fear. She walked on egg shells but kept believing that God would change her husband.

Finally, unable to keep any food down for fear, she decided that she couldn't bear any more. She timidly approached her husband one night, and asked him to seek marriage counselling or she would be gone in the morning. His response was the same as always: he had done nothing wrong. Marriage counselling was a waste of time he said: indeed, he wouldn't know for he opted not to attend each time a session had been arranged. She told him she would be gone in the morning and he agreed, "OK, go!"

She took only the clothes on her back and her baby photos, carried in two garbage bags for she was afraid to take anything that he would come after her for. She found a church that was compassionate and loving. She divorced him. Four years later, God blessed her with a godly new husband who loves her and who allowed her to start living at the ripe old age of 45! And her children rejoiced for her!

What would this woman say to you if you are abused? She would tell you to use sound judgement and remove yourself and your children from all harm. She would say that you should give your abusive husband time to repent before initiating divorce proceedings, and that you should give God time to work in your husbands' heart.

However, she would say that if there is no change after a few years or if there is threat of him coming after you, that you should consider a divorce. Life is precious and she now knows that we serve a God Who cares deeply about what goes on with His children, even behind closed doors.

I know she would advise you not to take to heart the advice for abused wives from Debi and Michael Pearl in Created To Be His Helpmeet, but to use common sense. She also would tell you to stand strong against the stigma you *may* receive if you divorce: your divorce is a matter between you and God and is not the unpardonable sin. He knows what may go on behind closed doors!

Finally, she would tell you to not suffer in silence and risk death as she did. If you are Christians, she would tell you that domestic violence is not a sole practice of the heathen: it *can* and *does* occur in the Church.

She would be the first to put an arm around you and pray for you, admonishing you to never throw away your confidence that is in Christ: no matter where or when trouble comes, He does see and does care. God calls us to live in peace... that is what she would lovingly tell you. I know this because, that girl was me.

Yes, God hates divorce, but He also hates the violence and treachery that leads to it!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet [is] she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. Malachi 2:14