Thrown out like an old shoe.

As you know, I have just turned 70.  It has been a rough ride yet filled with lots of joy and blessings.

A lot of the joy in my life has been my children, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren. I loved everything related to motherhood...

I had four children under five years and it was a very busy time. Especially with illness that lodged at our house in the form of my spinal disease, glandular fever and depression.

As a mother at 19, I accepted the responsibility of motherhood and I brought up 4 children under 5. At the tender age of 39, I welcomed my first grandchild into the world. I cared for her during her first year due to her mother being unwell with post natal depression.

As my children and now adult grandchildren grew, I was still involved in their lives if I was wanted. And I was wanted, or so I thought.

I thought I was a caring, loving woman who gave kind and solid advice if asked. I did my best to help and support them in times of trouble. I cried for them. I prayed for them. 

Recently, I have noticed a drop off of contact, both personal and by phone or computer. I am texted for my birthday, Christmas and other occasions of interest like Mother's Day.

I long for them to just drop in and sit and have a cuppa. It rarely happens. Not like when we regularly had lunch or a cuppa together, but since Chris and I are now unable to leave home due to not being able to walk or drive, we don't.

I see now that a lot of this is because they have to come to us now, not us go to them. We're an inconvenience.

It hurts. It isn't easy to sit alone reminiscing about your younger days, loving your now grown children and grandchildren and being passed over and ignored. 

It hurts that because of health issues in old age, one is condemned to days of loneliness and longing for the phone to ring or a text on social media.

And social media sometimes is employed simply as a way of following family and saving pictures of them and their children. At least one feels that there's still some connection.

Knowing that you gave your best years to your family with little to show in return brings a real wave of sadness- because you know you would do it again if given the chance.

But there's no second chance in old age. One is forgotten as the world turns on the axis of youth. The elderly are ostracised and abandoned... thrown out like an old shoe.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth. Psalm 71:9

Way beyond blue

The first time I came across post-natal depression was when my daughter had just given birth to her first child. She was elated with her baby but about a week later she had crying fits that came for no apparent reason. At first we put them down to baby blues. But then came irrational thoughts and feelings. 

She believed her husband didn’t love her anymore. Feeling ugly, she was sure her husband was having an affair. She believed her mother-in-law didn’t like her and was trying to overtake her baby. None of which was true.

One night when the baby was about 5 weeks old, we were called to her home by her frantic husband- she had packed all hers and the baby’s clothes in the car and was demanding the car keys. We raced to her home and were met by a daughter we had never seen before. Red-faced, unkempt and crying loudly.

Fortunately her husband had the foresight to hide the car keys as she was in no fit state to drive anywhere. She tried to take the baby out of her crib to take her away, but we stood in front of her so she could not get her.

I tried to reason with her but she just kept screaming that she had had enough- her husband didn’t love her or the baby- she was fat and he was certainly seeing someone else. It was heart-breaking to see him in tears too pleading with her to calm down and declaring his love for her.

Eventually she ran out of voice and strength and collapsed in my arms quite spent. I stroked her hair and her husband came and took her in his arms and comforted her. He was able at last to reason with her and she agreed to see a doctor the next day. We took the car keys with us at his request. Satisfied that the immediate danger was over, we returned home. 

The next day, my daughter and her husband went to see a doctor who diagnosed post-natal depression. For about 2 months my daughter took anti-depressants and became the loving calm girl we had always known. It was frightening to see what hormones can sometimes do to a woman.

We were a little apprehensive when she gave birth to her second child. In fact the post-natal depression manifested itself in panic-attacks the first few hours after she gave birth. I notified the midwives at the hospital about my daughter’s agitation and previous depressions and they sent a doctor up to see her. 

She was put onto medication immediately and was much more relaxed and happy with motherhood. The medications were only needed for about 2 months. I was so glad that I had noticed the signs sooner this time.

I would say to all new mothers or grandmothers that if a depression goes beyond the blue that most of us experience in the first few days after childbirth, a doctor should be consulted. Hormones play a major part in promoting and maintaining pregnancy and lactation, but can sometimes also cause major depression. This can lead to disastrous results if left unattended. If my daughter ever has another child, I will be alert to any mood swings signaling post-natal depression. It should never be underestimated and should be treated promptly when discovered.

I thank God for medication and a sensible son-in-law. Sometimes we mothers need a little help in getting well when our hormones make our depression soar way beyond blue...

Footnote to this post: my daughter has since had another child, suffering no panic attacks or post-natal depression. This just goes to show how fickle hormones can be and the need to be observant with each pregnancy and confinement. We praise the LORD for answered prayer!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks 

And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick. Matthew 14:14

Hanging on for dear life

So my nerves were shot. I had a nervous stomach and acid reflux that burnt the back of my throat. Nightmares held me captive to fear during my sleep and my anxiety levels were sky high.

Like many people in this sad world, I was agonising over Covid 19. Here in Victoria the infection rate is climbing making deaths more commonplace than ever. We are stuck in lockdown with no end in sight, and we are over it.

I have been watching conspiracy theories which seem plausible sometimes, and I have had plenty of time to think. Too much time, actually.

Also, I have been watching Rapture sermons, wanting to understand the signs of Christ's coming for His Church. 

Finally, I could no longer bear those thoughts and realised that I had to repent and change my thinking. I had to bring it into the captivity of Christ. 

Going into my study, I closed the door and confessed that I had let fear get the better of me. I also confessed that I am trying to work everything out: things that don't really concern me...

I have been a Christian for over 39 years now, and I have had to recognise that I will never work out things that are too deep for our mind.

I used to wonder how God is God- how He could be the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end...

how the world was created- was it in 6 literal days, or days that equalled eons..

how the Blood covers sin- what was the significance of blood in sacrifice?

how the miracles occurred..

how Jesus rose from the dead... and exactly where He went when in the tomb for 3 days?

There were many more questions I wanted answers to, like when Christ is coming for us, and I really tried in my limited reasoning to understand...and in doing so, I lost my peace...

Finally, I decided that some things just have to be taken on faith and by trust in God. How God is God and does the miraculous is beyond me. I just have to trust in Him and believe. That's where faith comes in and brings me peace. 

Being faithful and loving God and walking in the Spirit is what God calls me to do- the other stuff, frankly is none of my business.... and like the faith a child, I am going to put my trust in God and His Word.

I am feeling better but you can be sure I will be hanging on to my faith for dear life! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 2 Corinthians 10:5

Way beyond blue

The first time I came across post-natal depression was when my daughter had just given birth to her first child. She was elated with her baby but about a week later she had crying fits that came for no apparent reason. At first we put them down to baby blues. But then came irrational thoughts and feelings. She believed her husband didn’t love her anymore. Feeling ugly, she was sure her husband was having an affair. She believed her mother-in-law didn’t like her and was trying to overtake her baby. None of which was true.

One night when the baby was about 5 weeks old, we were called to her home by her frantic husband- she had packed all hers and the baby’s clothes in the car and was demanding the car keys. We raced to her home and were met by a daughter we had never seen before. Red-faced, unkempt and crying loudly. Fortunately her husband had the foresight to hide the car keys as she was in no fit state to drive anywhere. She tried to take the baby out of her crib to take her away, but we stood in front of her so she could not get her.

I tried to reason with her but she just kept screaming that she had had enough- her husband didn’t love her or the baby- she was fat and he was certainly seeing someone else. It was heart-breaking to see him in tears too pleading with her to calm down and declaring his love for her.

Eventually she ran out of voice and strength and collapsed in my arms quite spent. I stroked her hair and her husband came and took her in his arms and comforted her. He was able at last to reason with her and she agreed to see a doctor the next day. We took the car keys with us at his request. Satisfied that the immediate danger was over, we returned home. The next day, my daughter and her husband went to see a doctor who diagnosed post-natal depression. For about 2 months my daughter took anti-depressants and became the loving calm girl we had always known. It was frightening to see what hormones can sometimes do to a woman.

We were a little apprehensive when she gave birth to her second child. In fact the post-natal depression manifested itself in panic-attacks the first few hours after she gave birth. I notified the midwives at the hospital about my daughter’s agitation and previous depressions and they sent a doctor up to see her. She was put onto medication immediately and was much more relaxed and happy with motherhood. The medications were only needed for about 2 months. I was so glad that I had noticed the signs sooner this time.

I would say to all new mothers or grandmothers that if a depression goes beyond the blue that most of us experience in the first few days after childbirth, a doctor should be consulted. Hormones play a major part in promoting and maintaining pregnancy and lactation, but can sometimes also cause major depression. This can lead to disastrous results if left unattended. If my daughter ever has another child, I will be alert to any mood swings signaling post-natal depression. It should never be underestimated and should be treated promptly when discovered.

I thank God for medication and a sensible son-in-law. Sometimes we mothers need a little help in getting well when our hormones make our depression soar way beyond blue...

Footnote to this post: my daughter has since had another child, suffering no panic attacks or post-natal depression. This just goes to show how fickle hormones can be and the need to be observant with each pregnancy and confinement. We praise the LORD for answered prayer!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks 

And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick. Matthew 14:14