Showing posts with label Betrothal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Betrothal. Show all posts

A marriage follows a wedding




A wedding comes with a lot of preparation and planning. As the day draws near, it is very busy and sometimes even frantic.

For us women, our own wedding brings to fruition years and years of imagination and dreaming. As we all know, this starts from our earliest years.

It is often joked about, but unfortunately it is true that usually the groom takes a back seat and is consulted on just minor matters. After which he basically just has to turn up on the day. This can lead to a problem. Often a groom can get the impression that all that is important is the wedding and that he comes second in all the busyness of wedding plans.

Ladies, it is imperative that we nurture our relationship and ensure that our fiance is not feeling left out or unloved. Women are prone to doing this as we get engrossed in the newest chapter of our life and we often see this when a new baby comes into the home. 

We must plan for a wedding but we also must keep it in perspective and realise that after a wedding, a marriage follows. A wedding lasts for a day, a marriage lasts a life time.

The tending of our relationship in regards not putting our fiance last, should start before the wedding day and should continue after the wedding with a marriage until death do you part. 

A wedding is just the beginning of a life together. So we would do well to remember that our marriage will take effort for it to endure and to be a happy union.

Being a beautiful bride is the easy part: most women look radiant on their wedding day. But that's only the start of a marriage. 

Let's remember to concentrate on being a beautiful wife and mother- a job that is both as challenging as it is satisfying - but a job that is far more important in eternal values than having a long veil and white dress.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks


 
"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband." Ephesians 5:33

The origin of the wedding ring


When we married, Chris and I chose to each wear a wedding ring. Mine is a small rounded band yellow gold ring whilst Chris's is half rounded and wide in yellow gold. We do love wearing them and would feel lost without them.

When we were both single after long-term marriages, being remarried was on both our hearts. When finally we met, we discovered that we both had looked at people's wedding fingers, searching for rings, wondering if the person was attached. And we both recall feeling a sense of envy and longing when we saw a wedding ring worn on that special finger.

To be honest, I think most married people can attest to the pride that they felt as they showed their rings to their guests at their wedding reception, and most can still feel a sense of pride and contentment in wearing theirs. Although wedding rings are not mentioned in Scripture and therefore do not constitute a marriage per se, they are indicative of the covenant and a pledge of love between our husbands and ourselves that should speak to us each time we reflect on why we wear them.

I decided to do a little research on wedding rings to find out just why they are important to our culture and  their origin, here is what I have found:

Wedding rings originated in Ancient Egypt more than 4,800years ago. They were originally created with hemp, rushes or braided grass and worn only by women.

The circular shape of the Wedding Ring symbolises the never-ending love between husband and wife. It is worn on the third finger of the left hand. This tradition began as the vein in this finger is believed to be the ‘vena amoris’ or ‘vein of love’ which leads directly to the heart.

After the Egyptians, the Romans continued the Wedding Ring tradition introducing a more permanent metal – Iron. During the middle ages in Europe, Gold became the most popular choice for Wedding Rings. During this time, precious gems, such as Rubies, Sapphires and Diamonds, also started to be used in the creation of Wedding Rings.

A token of love, a symbol of forever. Whether a plain metal band or an exquisite work of craftsmanship, the wedding ring has played a central role in marriage ceremonies throughout history.

Ancient Times
According to Penny Proddow and Marion Fasel, co-authors of "With This Ring," the exact origins of the wedding ring are unknown. However, it was tradition in ancient Rome for brides to wear a simple iron band. In the third century, "key engagement rings" were given to a betrothed woman to celebrate entering her husband's home.

1400s
During the 15th century, precious gems set inside gold rings became fashionable. Each stone had a special meaning and was usually cut into a pyramid.

1500s
Jewish wedding rings in Italy and Germany became elaborate with miniature temples designed on a band adorned with messages and stories.

1600s
By the 17th century, gimmel rings with hidden messages and secret openings were created for couples. The ring was split apart at engagement for both the man and woman to wear. During the wedding, the whole ring was slid back on the bride's finger to symbolize unity.

1700s and 1800s
The claddagh design -- two hands holding a heart with a crown -- originated in Italy and eventually became tradition among Irish brides. The first mention of the wedding ring as an option in a marriage ceremony, occurs in the 1872 manual of the Methodist Church, known as Discipline: "If the parties desire it, the man shall here hand a ring to the minister, who shall return it to him and direct him to place it on the third finger of the woman’s left hand. And the man shall say to the woman, repeating after the minister, ‘With this ring I thee wed, and with my worldly goods I thee endow, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.’"

In early Judaism to present
In a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, Jewish wedding rings play a very important role. In Jewish law, a verbal declaration is not enough to be married.  According to Jewish law, a formal, physical consecration must be made. Usually this is done with the giving of a Jewish wedding ring, however in ancient times, it was merely something of value–with the minimum value of what is now a penny.  The ring must be of solid uninterrupted gold with no holes breaking the circle. The continuity of the rings represents the hope for an everlasting marriage.

In most ceremonies, the bridegroom repeats a Hebrew vow after the Rabbi, with the giving of the ring. The bridegroom would declare, “Behold, thou art consecrated to me with this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel.”

1900s to Present
Margaret Brinig, a researcher at George Mason University, traces the demand for diamonds used in wedding rings for the wealthy back to 1840, but it wasn't until after the Great Depression that they became a popular American tradition.

Men didn’t start wearing Wedding Bands until much later – around the time of the Second World War. Being separated from their wives for long periods of time, Soldiers wore Wedding Bands as a symbolic reminder of their loved one back home.

In this picture at the top of the post, Sarah also wears a gold wedding band, typical of early Hebrew wedding rings. The wedding band is known to have been used in ancient Egypt and was worn on the fourth finger of the left hand, just as it is today.  painting:  Is anything too hard for the LORD? by Elspeth Young


© Glenys Robyn Hicks



In Hebrew, this phrase is Hare at mekudeshet li betaba’ at zo k’dat Moshe v’ Yisrael.  the Talmud  “Behold, thou art consecrated to me with this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel.”

Engagement is the new wedding



Over the years I have noticed a growing trend in both Christian and non-Christian people to prolong their engagement over many years, and often not even to end up marrying. Often there is an engagement party and the couple are asked if they have set a date for their wedding. Usually there is no real indication of when they plan to marry, just a vague wave of the hand and a casual "when we get around to it" attitude.
In biblical times a Jewish betrothal was generally about 12 months. However, the betrothal was as if the couple were married and in fact to break the betrothal would require a divorce. Sexual relations did not take place. Indeed if a betrothed person was found to have had intercourse with someone not their betrothed, they could be stoned for adultery.
A marriage contract was called a Ketubah During this time, the groom would prepare a place for his betrothed wife. There was never any doubt that a marriage would be consummated, but the exact date was usually known only to the groom. The bride stayed with her parents and waited for her groom.
Today, there are no real expectations or enforcements of engagements. They can be broken with a minimum of outward fuss- most fuss being internalised and emotional. Other times, the young couple will just cohabit as if married and there is no wedding ring- ever. But an engagement is not a marriage.
For young Christians who become engaged, the temptation to become sexually involved is strong, and for this reason I believe an engagement shouldn't be prolonged. And just like marriage, an engagement shouldn't be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. Christians are different from the unsaved in that when one gives a promise or their word, we should carry it through.
For those considering marriage, make sure that you are fully intending to marry and that your engagement isn't too long. Impurity and cohabitation are not in God's plan for our life: He wants us to marry and bear precious seed for Him.
Becoming engaged is a promise to marry, not a promise to be exclusively available for a "permanent" relationship, nor is it to be seen as a licence for cohabitation. Betrothal from the earliest times has been seen to precede a marriage.
Everlasting engagements are the gateway to failure in being godly wives and mothers. They can lead to us being left with just our engagement ring and memories, and perhaps, with a baby or two in tow. Engagement is the new wedding.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies. Hosea 2:19

Idealistic or faithful



I was rejoicing in my friend’s engagement. She was sharing her dreams of the future with me and showing me her hope chest. She was very much in love with her fiancĂ© and had everything planned to perfection. We discussed her wedding plans, and our views and ideals on marriage itself. One of the questions that came up was if she would continue to work once the children came, and the appropriation of funds coming into the marriage.

I was delighted to hear that my friend intended to be a stay at home mother once the children were born. Prior to that, they were going to have his money and her money in separate accounts with her keeping a secret account for provision for herself in case of marital problems necessitating her setting up a home for herself and the children. I expressed my concern that she should see this as a necessary step when entering into marriage.

She responded with saying that one never knew what the future would hold and it was unrealistic to believe that just because she was married, there would be a guarantee of happiness. She intended to be prepared for any event that should arise.I told her that it was foolhardy to enter marriage- (a Christian marriage at that) with one eye on the altar and the other on the divorce court.

I commented that it seemed to me to be a failing of trust on her part and also that it was in fact laying a foundation of mistrust and deceit in her marriage right from the beginning. Her retort was that I was just being idealistic and that being left without financial security in the event of a marriage failure was not on her agenda. She could not see my point of view so I let it drop- God would have to deal with her heart. I felt saddened by her cynical attitude.

To enter marriage with the view that it may very well end in divorce is a tragic view and a distortion of the covenental view that Christ has for marriage. Marriage is to be built on trust. If there are problems, then they should be worked through. The marriage is already failed in the context of trust if one of the parties has a parachute to use to bail out with when or if the going gets tough. The area of trust has been compromised already by my friend keeping her account secret- she has allowed doubt and deceit to cloud her mind.

One cannot enter a covenant with lies and doubts and plans for self preservation instead of trust in God. Not in a Christian marriage.The whole concept of marriage is built on trust and accountability to each other. I do not think it is idealistic or unrealistic. I think it is a basic principle of marriage that cannot be compromised. Issues of doubt and fear should be ironed out long before the nuptials. For to be double-minded about your commitment in your marriage is to invite trouble and failure.

The heart of the faithful is strong- but where there is any weakness in either spouse’s commitment there will be not only lack of trust but lack of blessing.My prayer is that the LORD will speak to my friend’s heart and give her the commitment and confidence that are hers as she trusts Him and her husband to build and bless their marriage. But first she must let go of the parachute and show herself faithful. Happiness can come only through true commitment and faith.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks


"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man [is] unstable in all his ways.” James 1:5-8

A marriage made in Heaven

 


So today is our 23rd wedding anniversary. I am so pleased to tell you that in spite of it being a bumpy ride sometimes owing to family illnesses and drama, we are still very much in love- and grateful to the LORD.

We both believe God brought us together, and it is no coincidence that two weeks after we both prayed for a partner, we met.

I had been living alone for three years after divorcing my violent ex-husband and for the last few months before meeting Chris, I had gone out with a girlfriend I met at Business College. It was easier for us both to go out together, rather than a woman by herself.

Longing for a husband, I remember praying to God and asking Him to find a mate for me. I was feeling desperately alone and I wore that loneliness like a cloak of gloom over my shoulders. In this prayer, I asked God to help me enjoy my life if it was His will that I remain single.

Rising up from my knees, I felt a sense of hope and purpose, and although the prayer was just uttered, I felt happier and more content. Anyway, back to my friend. 

This friend was very hospitable and we often shared a meal at each other's home. She had car problems, and as Chris had been an Automobile Association Road Patrolman in England, and a Royal Automobile Club Victoria Road Patrolman here in Australia, she thought she would ask him to come have a look at it and stay for dinner.

She asked me if I minded if Chris came for dinner, and as I had decided to make more friends and enjoy my singleness, I said that was fine and thought nothing more about it until that evening.

So when I arrived for dinner, Chris was already there and he was seated in the kitchen. I know it is cliche, but it was love at first sight. We were engaged in 2 months and married a year later.

To this day, Chris insists it was a set up, but I can honestly say it wasn't an earthly setup, but we believe it was a heavenly appointment.

As it turned out, Chris came home from work and was feeling alone and despondent. He too wanted a wife- someone to love him, and he prayed. His prayer was almost identical to mine and we worked out it was at about the same time! 

Such was the chemistry between us that our courtship and engagement was a whirlwind romance! We knew it was the LORD'S doing. 

From day one, I have been at Chris's side, working as his jockey in his Courier business. We got to know each other very well and have literally been inseparable. 

We were married in the Melbourne Registry Office 27th June 1998, and renewed our vows with pastors three years ago after my ex-husband passed. This was to include the LORD officially in our marriage as the Registry Office wedding was very quick and clinical. 

We did not get to recite our own vows or include the LORD which was a disappointment to us. So we made it right, even though we lived out our marriage with Him included from day one. 

So today we both reflect on the rapidity of those 24 years since we met and our 23 years of marriage, and we see the LORD'S Hand in it. We have weathered many a storm, yet the good ship Hicks is still very much afloat. 

God has healed us of past hurts in our first marriages: I have learned that there are good kind men in the world and Chris has learned that there are women who love their husbands and are faithful to their vows. 

With grateful hearts, we bless and thank the LORD for His goodness and compassion to us in giving us a marriage made in Heaven.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18

The everlasting engagement


Over the years I have noticed a growing trend in both Christian and non-Christian people to prolong their engagement over many years, and often not even to end up marrying.  Often there is an engagement party and the couple are asked if they have set a date for their wedding. Usually there is no real indication of when they plan to marry, just a vague wave of the hand and a casual "when we get around to it" attitude.

In biblical times a Jewish  betrothal was generally about 12 months. However, the betrothal was as if the couple were married and in fact to break the betrothal would require a divorce.  Sexual relations did not take place.  Indeed if a betrothed person was found to have had intercourse with someone not their betrothed, they could be stoned for adultery. 

A marriage contract was called a Ketubah   During this time, the groom would prepare a place for his betrothed wife.  There was never any doubt that a marriage would be consummated, but the exact date was usually known only to the groom.  The bride stayed with her parents and waited for her groom.

Today, there are no real expectations or enforcements of engagements.  They can be broken with a minimum of outward fuss- most fuss being internalised and emotional. Other times, the young couple will just cohabit as if married and there is no wedding ring- ever.  But an engagement is not a marriage.

For young Christians who become engaged, the temptation to become sexually involved is strong, and for this reason I believe an engagement shouldn't be prolonged. And just like marriage, an engagement shouldn't be entered into lightly or unadvisedly.  Christians are different from the unsaved in that when one gives a promise or their word, we should carry it through.

For those considering marriage, make sure that you are fully intending to marry and that your engagement isn't too long. Impurity and cohabitation are not in God's plan for our life: He wants us to marry and bear precious seed for Him.

Becoming engaged is a promise to marry, not a promise to be exclusively available for a "permanent" relationship, nor is it to be seen as a licence for cohabitation. Betrothal from the earliest times has been seen to precede a marriage.

Everlasting engagements can be the gateway to failure in being godly wives and mothers. They can lead to us being left with just our engagement ring and memories, and perhaps, with a baby or two in tow.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies.  Hosea 2:19

Silent wings


As you probably know, Chris and I have been married before. He was deserted as she went with her boss, and I was severely abused. The emotional pain of separation took its' toll on us, especially as they both were long marriages..

We never really achieved true bonding with our first spouses (because they didn't love us), but twenty-one years after our marrying, we are still amazed at the depth of intimacy in our marriage. We guard our marriage and both of us believe it is our first priority after God...

Our marriage must be our first priority after God for like any relationship, they can slowly die off if not tended. It is like air from a tyre: a slow leak can eventually do as much damage as a blow out! 

We love a particular song by Tina Turner called On Silent Wings. It describes exactly what can happen in a marriage that is not tended... We never want to find ourselves in a loveless marriage again and we purposely cultivate intimacy- and I am not talking only of sex, even though that is important to enhance it. I am talking of spiritual bonding, cleaving and longing for each other... the hallmark of a successful marriage...

Becoming one is God's plan for marriage, and cleaving to each other is critical to its' survival. Today with so many things pulling us away from home, it is easy to become complacent about our marriage and eventually it can fizzle out.

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." Ephesians 5:33

Of all things in this world, attending to our marriage is critical. It deserves our best effort because not only has God ordained it, but our family and home depend on it. Marriage is the foundation of civilisation .... let's make sure ours is a good one with no silent wings...


© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24 

Idealistic or faithful?

I was rejoicing in my friend’s engagement. She was sharing her dreams of the future with me and showing me her hope chest. She was very much in love with her fiancĂ© and had everything planned to perfection. We discussed her wedding plans, and our views and ideals on marriage itself. One of the questions that came up was if she would continue to work once the children came, and the appropriation of funds coming into the marriage.

I was delighted to hear that my friend intended to be a stay at home mother once the children were born. Prior to that, they were going to have his money and her money in separate accounts with her keeping a secret account for provision for herself in case of marital problems necessitating her setting up a home for herself and the children. I expressed my concern that she should see this as a necessary step when entering into marriage.

She responded with saying that one never knew what the future would hold and it was unrealistic to believe that just because she was married, there would be a guarantee of happiness. She intended to be prepared for any event that should arise.I told her that it was foolhardy to enter marriage- (a Christian marriage at that) with one eye on the altar and the other on the divorce court.

I commented that it seemed to me to be a failing of trust on her part and also that it was in fact laying a foundation of mistrust and deceit in her marriage right from the beginning. Her retort was that I was just being idealistic and that being left without financial security in the event of a marriage failure was not on her agenda. She could not see my point of view so I let it drop- God would have to deal with her heart. I felt saddened by her cynical attitude.

To enter marriage with the view that it may very well end in divorce is a tragic view and a distortion of the covenental view that Christ has for marriage. Marriage is to be built on trust. If there are problems, then they should be worked through. The marriage is already failed in the context of trust if one of the parties has a parachute to use to bail out with when or if the going gets tough. The area of trust has been compromised already by my friend keeping her account secret- she has allowed doubt and deceit to cloud her mind.

One cannot enter a covenant with lies and doubts and plans for self preservation instead of trust in God. Not in a Christian marriage.The whole concept of marriage is built on trust and accountability to each other. I do not think it is idealistic or unrealistic. I think it is a basic principle of marriage that cannot be compromised. Issues of doubt and fear should be ironed out long before the nuptials. For to be double-minded about your commitment in your marriage is to invite trouble and failure.

The heart of the faithful is strong- but where there is any weakness in either spouse’s commitment there will be not only lack of trust but lack of blessing.My prayer is that the LORD will speak to my friend’s heart and give her the commitment and confidence that are hers as she trusts Him and her husband to build and bless their marriage. But first she must let go of the parachute and show herself faithful. Happiness can come only through true commitment and faith.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man [is] unstable in all his ways.” James 1:5-8

Without Spot Or Blemish

Dear Handmaidens, do you dream of the day that you will stand beside the man who God has called you to marry? I know I did.  How do you think your husband will feel with you standing there beside him,  dressed in a gorgeous white gown knowing that forever from this day forth you will be his and his alone? Will you be feeling happy that you are truly a handmaiden of the LORD and kept yourself exclusively as a treasure for your husband,  or will you have some deep regret? Did you let go of the vision Christ has for us to be a holy bride, without spot or blemish…both for Him and your husband?

God knows that the desire of our hearts as women will be to give ourselves completely for the first time to our husband. That is His plan for us. Keeping ourselves pure in thought and deed will be so worth it when we finally become one with our husband. It is our Lord’s desire for us for He wants what will make us happiest. Honour and purity are such precious things in the Lord’s sight. It ultimately will play a big part in the foundation of your marriage and ministry as a godly wife and mother. May you keep yourself spotless and without blemish so that as you stand before God, your husband and family, you can stand without regret or shame.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

May your husband on your wedding day be able to exclaim as Solomon did: "Thou [art] all fair, my love; [there is] no spot in thee. ” Solomon 4:1 And may you delight in this, and may it enthrall your soul, as you know this to be true.