Morning Cuppas With Glenys : Grandparenting

Showing posts with label Grandparenting. Show all posts

Thrown out like an old shoe.

As you know, I have just turned 70. It has been a rough ride yet filled with lots of joy and blessings.

A lot of the joy in my life has been my children, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren. I loved everything related to motherhood...

I had four children under five years and it was a very busy time. Especially with illness that lodged at our house in the form of my spinal disease, glandular fever and depression.

As a mother at 19, I accepted the responsibility of motherhood and I brought up 4 children under 5. At the tender age of 39, I welcomed my first grandchild into the world. I cared for her during her first year due to her mother being unwell with post natal depression.

As my children and now adult grandchildren grew, I was still involved in their lives if I was wanted. And I was wanted, or so I thought.

I thought I was a caring, loving woman who gave kind and solid advice if asked. I did my best to help and support them in times of trouble. I cried for them. I prayed for them.

Recently, I have noticed a drop off of contact, both personal and by phone or computer. I am texted for my birthday, Christmas and other occasions of interest like Mother's Day.

I long for them to just drop in and sit and have a cuppa. It rarely happens. Not like when we regularly had lunch or a cuppa together, but since Chris and I are now unable to leave home due to not being able to walk or drive, we don't.

I see now that a lot of this is because they have to come to us now, not us go to them. We're an inconvenience.

It hurts. It isn't easy to sit alone reminiscing about your younger days, loving your now grown children and grandchildren and being passed over and ignored.

It hurts that because of health issues in old age, one is condemned to days of loneliness and longing for the phone to ring or a text on social media.

And social media sometimes is employed simply as a way of following family and saving pictures of them and their children. At least one feels that there's still some connection.

Knowing that you gave your best years to your family with little to show in return brings a real wave of sadness- because you know you would do it again if given the chance.

But there's no second chance in old age. One is forgotten as the world turns on the axis of youth. The elderly are ostracised and abandoned... thrown out like an old shoe.

Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth. Psalm 71:9

It fills the void of an empty nest.

I have had our granddaughter Taylah, 10 with us for a few days as it's school holidays here and her mother works. Sunday we picked her up and we took her home Wednesday.

It's been proven that children who have grandparents active in their life are happier than children who don't- so much so, that older people are hired to be "grandparents" to children who lack them.

I think it's a two way street though. All 15 grandchildren and one great grandchild have had quality time with us and enjoyed it, but I have to say that it was reciprocal and we enjoy being there for them.

Taylah in particular has spent a lot of time with us as her mother is a single mother and works hard and long hours. Taylah has enjoyed seeing life as a country girl, learnt basic cooking skills, role played as a nurse or hairdresser or doctor, made cubby houses with me, read stories to me when she got advanced in her reading, learnt about lineage and cultures of us, her grandparents, learnt even about Judaism, basic facts of life when necessary, basic baby care, learned to speak some Italian and French, and much else- besides the most important- she has come to a saving knowledge of Christ.

Over the years, all this has been passed on to her in an easy, matter of fact way, and she has sometimes stretched my knowledge in answering her very clever questions. Being a curious child, she has been happy to learn and I in turn, have been happy to teach her.

Teaching our children and grandchildren is a natural thing and it is biblical. We not only train them, but pass down vital information that is from generation to generation. It is a responsibility that I take seriously, and as a grandmother, I find I not only have the time to step in the gap to help my busy daughter earn a wage, but I help her raise her child in a well rounded, informed way.

I find that taking time with our grandchildren not only helps them avoid being depressed, but helps us as well. Grandchildren, like our children, keep us young, and fill the void of an empty nest.

Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers. Proverbs 17:6

Only precious to us

Have you wondered why old ladies are always talking about the past, boring you with endless stories of their family? Every birthday, Nana or Grandma recounts the birth of your father or uncle or mother? or even you.

Are you bored with hearing about how hard life was in the Depression of the 30's and how they never had many labour saving devices and appliances like we do now? How about when they had cash in their purse or wallet, and plastic cards were unheard of..

As an older woman nearly 70, I do exactly that, I know I do. Every birthday I find myself telling my adult children about their birth, weight, length, good looks and how much I love them.

I often reminisce about their childhood and our homes and life back in the day. Sometimes they don't even try to hide the fact that I am boring them. Yet to me, talking of these things comes as naturally as breathing air.

It's never a productive day if I find myself culling double ups of my online photos. I spend so much time reliving bygone days and sometimes it actually depresses me. Nostalgia can do that.

Why does it depress you? you ask. It depresses me because a lot of the people in the photos have passed. Some family in pictures- mainly cousins- no longer keep in touch in spite of me reaching out via FaceBook. They simply aren't interested in being a family anymore.

I relive certain times and wish I had or hadn't done something or other, knowing that such thinking is futile because we did the best we could with what we had at the time. It has to be enough to know that.

It hurts me to see pictures of happier days when I babysat grandchildren and those same grandchildren now grown, don't bother to ring me or call in. Yes, yes, I know they have busy lives, but I did too back then and I still found time for them.

It is sad when I am not even invited to theirs or my grandchildren's birthday parties, having been the organiser and host of so many of them for them and their friends at their birthdays. But like an old shoe, I have been cast off to be forgotten.

It doesn't help when one gives their children their baby albums and Infant Welfare Record Books, with locks of hair and tiny wrist band from the hospital- only to find they have been thrown out and not cherished like you did for many many years.

Precious memories are all we really have, us old ladies. The saddest thing of all is discovering that they are only precious to us.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone. Psalm 71.9

I just want some breakfast!

I was minding my three young grandchildren this morning. It was a very early start at 4am with all three children waking up at 5am as soon as their parents left for the airport. I decided to feed them early in hopes that they would go back to bed....As the children told me what they wanted to have for breakfast, I listened to the chatter...

"Jess, you can't have Weeties, too many carbs!" "No, Liam! I am allowed bacon and eggs: Mum said I can have that cos it's got no carbs, and I'm on a fat and no carb diet!" I had to referee a fight over Jess not taking sugar in her tea whilst Liam piled his on his cereal....he is not on a diet! In fact, he could gain a pound or 2, whereas Jess takes after her Nana...ahem! Yes, life could be so unfair! Sighing, I glanced at the clock: 5:45 am and the day was still young!

Getting a bottle for Thomas, I smiled to myself: he is too young to care what goes into his bottle and he accepted it with his characteristic grin and good nature (except for this morning at 5am's outburst of horror as he realised that Mum had gone. But I digress)...Catching the morning's Nutritional Goodness theme, I mentally made a note of calcium benefits for him.

It was then time for me to have breakfast and I found myself staring blankly into the pantry, trying to keep awake. As my hand reached out for the Sugar Frosties, Liam piped up with, "Hey, Nan, they're full of sugar: are you allowed to have sugar? Sugar's not good for you: Mum said I can't have too much cos it makes me hyper!" I thought guiltily about my diabetes and I put it back!

Knowing that the smell of toast would be too much of a temptation for young Jessica to resist, I decided that I would forgo that this morning and instead I grabbed a tin of tuna as a high protein choice. But my little shadow informed me that his Mum had bought just enough tins for Dad's high protein/no carbs diet next week. Guilty again, I put it back in its place in line with the others.

My stomach was growling by now and I was getting desperate for something to fill it. Better be something healthy today I thought with an inwards chuckle. Not wanting to be warned off anything else, I made myself a cup of tea without sugar and grabbed a piece of rye bread sans butter and slowly chewed on it...

The kids returned to bed and I crept back out into the kitchen: I don't care what my diet conscious grandchildren think: I just want some breakfast! I grabbed the sugar loaded cereal and put some sugar in my tea. What they don't know won't hurt them, but please don't tell their parents!

"A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken" Proverbs 15:13

An unending story

It is said a mother will raise a child for 18 years or so. What is not told you is that with each child, a mother’s heart is fragmented and not only will she give that child a Life Story at birth, but she will also give it her heart forever. Throughout the rest of her life she will be her child’s biggest influence, inscribing values and skills in its Life’s Book.

Every Page of that child’s life will be scrutinized and lived through. Every word, every full-stop measured in feeding progress, weight gain, colic and diaper changes. Every sentence will be measured in her child holding up its head, smiling, grasping and focusing. Each early Chapter will read as accomplishments in teething, crawling, sitting unsupported, first words and walking.

Shortly, a mother will become an avid Reader of the Book of her child’s life and will pore through it with rapt attention. She will often re-read the previous Chapters, seeking reasons for the present Story unfolding in the most recent Page of her child’s sojourn through life. Quite often this will be a fruitless exercise as she cannot re-write the Chapters. However, she will certainly be able to enhance the outcome of future Chapters by passing on her foresight and life skills to her child.

As the Reader and not the Writer of this Book, the mother will find that she becomes absorbed in every Chapter as it unfolds. Often against her will, she will find that she lives every hurt and disappointment, every heart ache, every pain and illness as if it were her own Life’s Story. And often, being a loving mother, she will wish that the sad Chapter was her own and not her child’s….but she is only the Reader.

Every accomplishment, victory, honour or triumph will become personal as a mother reads and lives her child’s Story. Indeed many mothers will find kudos in their children’s unfolding Life Story, especially if that child is successful. However, successful or not, a mother will still remain a loyal and enthusiastic Reader.

It is not unheard of for a mother to question the Writer of this Book whilst at the same time yearning for the Writer’s direction. But try as she might to become the Writer, this is a Book that she cannot write. She can and should, enquire of the Writer for guidance but in doing so, she must accept that the Editor’s decision is final.

It is interesting to note that just as a mother thinks she may be coming to the end of this Read, that she will find there is a Sequel which is just as compelling as the original. This comes in the form of grandchildren. After one glance at the Prologue, she will find herself giving yet more of her heart as her mind relives the first chapter of her own child’s Life Story.

With shaking hands and teary eyes, she will scan the Page eagerly, knowing that she will be a reader of this new child’s Life Story for many chapters to come. And she will undoubtedly thank the Writer as she lovingly fingers the new Page.

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, [and to be] a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. Psalm 113:9

Backslidden children: God gently leads them back.

As mothers and grandmothers, we often feel like failures when our children stop following the LORD and are backslidden. In spite of training our children and teaching them about the LORD, they seem to be departing from The Way and it can send us into a panic.

I can understand how you can feel a failure, but your children have to make certain decisions for themselves as they grow up. Walking the path of faith is a deeply personal daily choice. We cannot make them believe nor can we save them.

The five children I bought up (from ages 49-43 plus a grandchild now 29) have been brought up in the faith. My own children made a confession of faith when young and were all baptised by immersion. Two of them are now living for the LORD and two of them are backslidden but still consider themselves believers. My first grandchildren is agnostic, almost a believer.

All we can do in spite of outward appearances is keep praying for God to change them. We as loving mothers or grandmothers don't know what work God is doing in their heart. We know that the Holy Spirit convicts us of sin, and we have to allow Him to do the work. Often trying to be the Holy Spirit just causes rebellion and hurt feelings and we just get in His way.

There was a stage I thought that none of them believed, but praise God, what was taught them from their youth has resurfaced. So I encourage you not to blame yourself either and to keep praying and believing that your prodigals or backsliders will walk in The Way. God often meets them in the wilderness and gently leads them back on the Straight Path..

The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him. Ezekiel 18:20

The cruelest blow

I have four children who I love with all my heart. However, I wish that I could honestly say that they love me just as much. Or even at all.

As far as my mothering went, I was a good mother, however, one child doesn't even answer the phone to me or answer my messages. It's as if I don't exist and the only reason I see my granddaughter is that he wants her minded. I let it go because he is a narcissist and is always right. He will withhold my granddaughter if I cross him at all.

At least I can hold my head up that I've done my best. God sees. He knows I gave myself exclusively to my children and grandchildren. But they made choices that sadly do not include me in their life.

Thank God we aren't accountable for the actions of our kids and grandchildren. I will pray that there's a resolution for myself and any other Sisters who visit here with broken family ties and estranged children and grandchildren.

Loving them with your whole heart and losing them to indifference and disdain is the cruelest blow.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone. Psalm 71.9

We need more of this!

When I was young my sister and I went to a dance on a Saturday night and always were expected home at a reasonable hour. We could be sure that Mum would be waiting up for our return. If we were late, we would be in big trouble and grounded for a few weeks.

Chris likewise when a 16 year old forgot to tell his mother that he had gone for a spin in his friend's new car one evening and received a smack across the ear for coming home at 3am! She was a nervous wreck!

I can well remember when my children were teenagers. They would be getting ready to go out when my husband and I were getting ready for bed.

The hours went by so slowly as I watched out the darkened window of our bedroom as I waited for them to get home.

There's nothing more lonely than hearing every distant car in the night and seeing headlights, only to realise it's not your teenagers coming home.

I can't count the times I have implored the LORD to watch over them and bring them home safely. Indeed, having children and now adult grandchildren sees me talking to Him about them even more than I talk to them about Him.

A lot of teenagers are now in their own car, with their own phone and heading who knows where. Till all hours.

I realise that they now have mobile or cell phones, but back in the day we hadn't got them. A home phone was not for most either and the wait to make sure our teens were OK and safe was an anxious time. It made the heart race and the imagination go wild at times.

We had boundaries and in general we kept within them. To see our parents up and waiting for us gave us a feeling of being loved, even if we also held a little resentment due to teenage rebellion.

Today's teenagers are lucky if they even see their parents much these days. It is the fortunate ones who have at least one parent to look out for them.

Once again I see the wisdom in not having children after a certain age. The world may have changed, but a mother's care for her children does not. It is a young woman's game.

As I reflect on the loss of accountability and responsibility of parents raising teenagers, I feel that I would still be "old school" and worry and wait up for them. And with the world being so fast paced and frankly, uncaring, I think our teens would probably enjoy the attentiveness of a parent waiting up for them.

Not for the first time, I feel we need more of this!

Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb?

Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you. Isaiah 49:15

Not so bad after all

As a young mother with 4 children under 5, I often felt woefully inadequate as a housewife and a mother. It wasn’t because I wasn’t trying to excel at these things, it was just my perception of myself. There never seemed enough hours in the day to accomplish what had to be done and I often felt frustrated with myself. This changed dramatically one day when I was taken to my friend’s sister-in-law’s house.

It was about 1 pm, when we arrived and although we had been invited to come for a visit, we were appalled by the lack of cleanliness, the untidiness and the obvious squalor around us. But what horrified us most was my friend’s 12 month old nephew standing in a dirty cot, soiled nappy and ragged singlet, crying and flushed whilst his mother sat unperturbed reading in the dust covered living room.

My friend immediately swooped on her nephew and comforted him. She inquired of his mother if he was hungry- she replied that she had given him a bottle in the morning. We looked in the cot and there was an empty feeding bottle complete with flies on the teat. We felt revolted. The unmistakable odour of the soiled nappy was overwhelming and when my friend took it off to change the little fellow, it revealed red blistered welts where his nappy had been. Immediately the child was given a warm bath and his nappy rash was plastered in Vaseline- there wasn’t anything else in the house for it.

All the time, the child’s mother kept reading, seemingly oblivious to us. It was very disconcerting. We opened the fridge to get something for the little boy and it was growing all types of green mould. The milk was out of date. The pantry was under stocked to say the least, and all we could rustle up for the baby was an egg in bread crumbs. He was starving and we were angry and sad.

My friend rinsed out the soiled nappy and singlet and opened the lid of the washer. We exchanged shocked glances as the rancid smell of half washed clothes met our nostrils. As the clothes were going mouldy, we presumed they had been there a long time. And there was no excuse for this laziness, because the child’s father had bought his fiancee a new washing machine during the pregnancy.

That day, I learnt a lot about myself. I learnt that I was too hard on myself, too perfectionistic and unrealistic. My children and home were never even on a really bad day, as bad as that. I learnt that I was not lazy, incompetent, or backward- I was exhausted and overwhelmed. Not so with this girl!

What was wrong with this girl? She only wanted to do what she liked doing- reading. That was what consumed her time and life- books. Not her little boy or her impending marriage, (which didn’t take place fortunately) but just her desires were her life. She could not see anything wrong in that. And she was a very well read and quite intelligent woman. She was to come to see that it did matter indeed.

She told my friend’s brother when it all came crashing around her ears, that she didn’t want to have to keep the house clean, look after her baby and tend to his needs. She wasn’t harming anybody by reading and she couldn’t see what the fuss was about. We were incredulous that someone could be so self-centered and unenlightened about life. And totally indifferent to her child- not even a toy was in his cot the day we visited!

The washing would get done- eventually. The child would be fed- eventually. He would be taken to the doctor when he was suffering earache- eventually- but not before repeated ear infections made him deaf in one ear.

I couldn’t help but see the contrast between the Proverbs 31 woman and her. And I certainly wasn't evenly remotely close to this selfish woman. So I lightened up and relaxed a bit. I stopped being over perfectionistic and settled for a balanced approach. I enjoyed my children more. And I made sure that I never put off doing something just because I didn’t feel like doing it.

Now whenever I see a well-kept baby, I always remember another one- a sad, hungry and dirty little baby boy with a mop of blonde curls and a dirty nappy. And I thank God that He gave him into his Daddy’s caring hands.

Looking back, I wish I could tell the younger me that I wasn't so bad after all!

Ecclesiastes 10:18 “By much slothfulness the building decayeth; and through idleness of the hands the house droppeth through,"

Baby hunger and old ladies.

As a woman who is now a great-grandmother, I have come to realise that for most of us women, there is a deep desire to one day becoming a mother. It is how God created us.

Indeed, one sees this inherent virtue in young girls from the time they tenderly place blankets around their dollies or clasp a dolly to their breast in the first bloom of maternal love.

As is natural, after this first blooming, other factors come into play as they learn about the world, books and life. But the seed of maternal desire has been sowed and will spring up in later years.

Nurture of new life is a characteristic of womanhood and that nurturing endures for a lifetime. Ask any aged woman who has reared a family and she will tell you that it still presents itself. It presents itself in memories of her own children now grown, and later in her children's children. And if she is fortunate, in her grandchildren's children.

The ache for a baby to hold is still strong, even though the years for becoming a mother are well and truly gone. Each baby will be scrutinised, exclaimed over and rocked and the wonder of new life and a baby's sweet smell will transport a woman to earlier years and the time she first welcomed each new child of her own into her arms and life.

I remember once when we were at a wedding, my aged aunt begged me to allow her to hold my baby daughter, eagerly holding her arms out to receive her. At the time, I didn't realise how strong baby hunger is, until the last grandchild was born and my arms became empty.

There seem to be less babies these days, in part to feminism trying to tell us that a career is better than wiping little noses and bottoms and advise control of our fertility by having abortions. However, wherever there is a baby, you can be sure of two things- there will be other children and old ladies.

For the young ones, it brings a fascination born of that same inbuilt desire to love and nurture. But why old ladies? you ask. Because most times the God created desire to nurture and the love of new life remains long after the ability to beget children. A newborn brings back the memories of younger fertile years and the children born in that time. It makes her feel young again. Reborn.

Enjoy your children and grandchildren and always get plenty of cuddles. Baby hunger will be easier to cope with if you get a full diet of infant cuddles while you are still young....

I promise, you will feel that longing to fill your empty arms with a baby one day as baby hunger is very real.

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, [and to be] a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. Psalm 113:9

Circles of her life.

I love this painting by Miriam Escofet of her own mother. She seems to be reflecting my own feelings of awareness of how fleeting life is. She is in tune with the present and seems to be lost in memories.

Perhaps she is feeling nostalgic, missing the noisy chatter of children and grandchildren at breakfasts past as she sits alone at table, finger tracing the circle of her cup.

Like her cup, her mind goes round in circles as she remembers years of meals and late night cuppas shared with her husband as they discuss news du jour and their children. Or waited for them to come home.

With years of devotion to her family and endless prayer, she raised her brood and was matriarch and beloved wife- yet now that busy life has come full circle and she sits at tea alone.

No calls to see how she is going, no cards to remember her on Mother's Day- her endless love and bountiful giving now return to her void- a lonely circle.

Her sharp mind continues, her kind heart endures, but her body once strong now too has come full circle as her strength disappears.

She sees no one now and her love and wisdom is rejected by those who themselves were very wanted, and who started their own life in the nurturing circle of her womb.

Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent. Psalm 71:9

A Godly heritage

I love this picture of two children playing "here is the church, here is the steeple: open the doors, here's all the people!" Do you remember it?

We used to play it as children, but I have to wonder if children these days would even know what a steeple was. Or a church.

It is a precious and sacred thing to bring one's children to a saving faith in Christ. Although my ex-husband was not a believer, I brought our children up in the Christian faith.

I took them to Sunday school and then church. They were christened as babies, but later on they expressed a desire to be baptised by immersion which we did.

Sadly, as they grew into teenagers, they refused to go and as I had no backup from their father, they slept in on Sundays.

But I kept praying for them and half of them are living for Jesus, with the other half backslidden.

It grieves me that it is so, but we cannot live their lives for them. Our responsibility is to tell them of Jesus and lead them to a saving faith. I have done this, and I must leave the results up to God.

With the Rapture being imminent, I have talked about this to all my children and was pleased that the ones who are living a righteous life are prepared and looking forward to seeing the LORD. One actually thanked me for bringing him up as a Christian.

The two backslidden ones listened politely to my admonition to get right with the LORD as time is short. Being non committal, I told them that they had been warned and I would not discuss this again with them unless they wanted to know more about the faith.

I spend a lot of time in prayer for my children and now grandchildren. I have to trust God with their hearts, as I can't dictate matters of faith.

It gives me much peace to know that God only expects me to bring my children up unto Him and doesn't hold me responsible for their life choices. I would only be guilty if I didn't bring them up in Christ.

Bringing them up in the faith wasn't easy with being married to a violent hot headed unbeliever who thwarted me at every turn and taught them to disobey and disrespect me.

But I persisted in teaching them of the faith, and it has brought much peace and comfort to those of them who love the LORD. And it has given the others something to think about as they reflect on their backsliding ways...

As I said, passing on our faith is a precious and sacred thing to do- for there's nothing that can beat a Godly heritage.

It's love in action

I have been reflecting on the amount of grandmothers who have a large role in bringing up their grandchildren, or who even have custody of them.

Some of my childhood memories include playing with my father's work mate's children. This friend was a widower and he was left with two young children to bring up. He was helped by his mother, Mrs B.

Mrs B was a senior woman of about 75 years. She wore her grey hair in a tight bun and sported black lace up shoes that gave her appearance a rather severe look, especially with her long black skirt and white blouse that did up right to her neck. She wore no jewelry and I guess you could say she was a plain person.

At the time she took on her motherless grandchildren and moved in with them, she was enjoying a wonderful life as a companion/assistant to a woman of wealth. She was widely traveled and lived in a large prestigious house. Yet, she gave it all up to raise her son's children with him.

Even as a young child, I was impressed by this woman and thought how great was this lady's heart and love that she gave up a truly salubrious life for them.

It is only as a senior great-grandmother myself, and on reading that God classes this devotion as a mitzvah and is especially dear to His heart, I realise that this self sacrifice is so precious to God and to the grandchildren being cared for.

This to my mind exemplifies the sacrificial life of His Son Jesus, Who was perfect in love and sinless. Such kindness is also a fruit of the Holy Spirit.

To all grandmothers who care for their grandchildren, know that your sacrificial love is indeed pleasing to God. It's more than being kind: it's love in action.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

The nest may be empty but the heart isn't

All of our 6 children have flown the nest. It certainly made me teary with all of them and I think that is normal. We have nurtured them from the moment they were conceived and I think that it is as if a big part of us feels like we are losing them. I have found that although it gets a little easier with each one, it is still like a grieving process.

It is a painful process sending them into the world, just like bringing them into the world. I have felt numb inside like a wooden doll as I waved my children goodbye. But the healing comes in the satisfaction of a job well-done after you see each fledgling fly.

Motherhood doesn't stop. And neither does your marriage. You will continue to be the hub of your home, even when your children have flown the nest. They will still need your advice and support. And your dear husband will always need you.

As the children start leaving, would be a great time to concentrate on developing mutual interests and hobbies and keeping that flame of romance alive. I know it seems like you have nowhere to go- but it truly is just a bend in the road!

Most of us find that we are still needed for advice, particularly when our children have children. We have life experience that is to be passed down to our grown children. And whereas we spoke to our children about God a lot when they were growing up, we find that we are talking to God a lot about them as they mature and leave our home.

The bond of motherhood- indeed parenthood, never is broken- they may be separated from you, but they are forever in your heart. The nest may be empty, but the heart isn't.

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Isaiah 49:15

Blessed beyond measure!

Time goes by so fast: I have just held my first newborn great-grandchild Evie, and she took me back to when I first held her mother Sarah, my first grandchild. She looked so like her that it took my breath away in a sigh of delight, sadness, nostalgia and love.

I was there beside my Sarah's mother when she gave birth to her. Indeed, she owes her life to me being interested in midwifery, for I was her mother's advocate when she started bleeding at ten weeks. In the hospital, the doctors concluded that Sarah was miscarried without even doing an ultrasound. They planned a D & C for the next morning.

Asking if there was much dilatation, they said no so I asked if they had done an ultrasound. They replied there was no need as they were sure there was no baby there. I asked them to do one before the scheduled surgery just to be sure. And sure enough, there was a healthy ten week old fetus!

To this day, we believe my first grandchild was a twin which was miscarried, as I am a twin, I had still-born twins and twins were in both sides of the family. But sad as potentially losing a twin was, we rejoice that we have Sarah and that I demanded they check with an ultrasound. They were so cavalier about it and would have technically aborted her.

A few months later I had the joy of acting as doula to her mother and my granddaughter's little features were etched permanently in my mind. Sarah was after all, a female carbon copy of my own first child, her father.

Seeing little Evie's face for the first time was a total spin out! A mixture of delight, sadness, nostalgia and love, as I said. Delight too that I was at last a great-grandmother after two years of infertility for Sarah, sadness that the time has gone so quickly, and love for this baby who shared a comic resemblance to those other sweet babies of my past.

As I lifted Evie up onto my shoulder, I whispered a prayer of thanks to God and of welcome to our family, in her ear, just as I had done for my own babies and theirs. God is so wonderful! I am blessed beyond measure!

Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers. Proverbs 17:6

I just want some breakfast!

An unending story

Every Page of that child’s life will be scrutinised and lived through. Every word, every full-stop measured in feeding progress, weight gain, colic and diaper changes. Every sentence will be measured in her child holding up its head, smiling, grasping and focusing. Each early Chapter will read as accomplishments in teething, crawling, sitting unsupported, first words and walking.

Every accomplishment, victory, honor or triumph will become personal as a mother reads and lives her child’s Story. Indeed many mothers will find kudos in their children’s unfolding Life Story, especially if that child is successful. However, successful or not, a mother will still remain a loyal and enthusiastic Reader.

Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers. Proverbs 17:6

Letter to a mother-to-be

Congratulations on the impending arrival of your child. Since I had my last baby 41 years ago, there have been a lot of studies regarding the world of the unborn and how we can influence it. It has been found that an unborn child can hear quite well from about 23 weeks gestation and that what it hears can influence its thoughts and reactions- even after birth!

These days it is not considered silly to talk to your unborn child or to play music or even to read to it! In light of my observations of my grandchildren when they were first born, I think that this is true. How else does one account for the fact that a crying newborn can immediately recognise its own mother's or father's voice and stop crying?

I have experienced this myself with my 13 year old grandson Mitchell. He was born by caesarean section and I was present in the operating theatre (his father didn't make it in time) As his Mother had a general anaesthetic, she was of course unable to hold him or talk to him. He was born screaming and inconsolable! The nurses cleaned him up and cut his cord and then placed him in my arms! I said to him, "Hello Nanna's little boy!" and immediately he opened his eyes and stopped crying! It was awesome and my heart just burst with love for him!

Why did he recognise my voice? you ask. His Mother had had a very problematic pregnancy and I had nursed her through the entire 9 months. With permission, I had laid hands on his Mum's stomach and prayed for him. I had talked to him on a daily basis and encouraged his Mum to as well. She had not bonded with my first grandchild and I tried to encourage her with the beauty of pregnancy and to bond with this child before it was born. It worked- she mothered him well.

Now to the reason of this article. Our children have a spirit before birth as we find in Luke 1:39-45 where the pregnant Mary visited Elizabeth and the sixth month fetus, John the Baptist, leapt in her womb when he heard Mary's salutation! I believe that we can minister to our unborn children by praying for them whilst in utero, playing worship music, reading the Word or having the Word played. As the brain records memories from before birth, I believe that a love for the LORD and His Word and worship can be fostered from pre-natal days.

As a study showed, new mothers were asked if they watched a particular soap opera throughout their pregnancy. Of those that did, they were asked to join in a simple experiment. When their babies went through that fussy part of the day where they play up, their Mothers played the theme song of that soapie. Without fail, all the babies settled!

If worldly things can influence our unborn children, what a wonderful opportunity we have in instilling a love for the things of God in them right from the womb. I believe it starts in the womb...science tells us the unborn do respond to outside stimuli, I have experienced it with Mitchell....what a wonderful start to a new life!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"Then the word of the LORD came to me, saying: "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:4-5

A mighty legacy

Thursday was a bitter-sweet day. Mum and Max's home was sold. The real estate agent asked us to come and put up the SOLD sign and pose for a picture. Apart from feeling camera shy, I had mixed feelings about the sale. The sale of this house is the close of the Book of Max and Pat Stagg.

This was a book that was chock full of chapters of love in marriage, family and home. A place were we all would come to share cups of tea and coffee, bring our newest children and grandchildren, share our laughter and our tears and draw strength from two of loveliest people God put breath in to.

So many were nurtured under this roof, both adult and young. Lessons were learned in patience and kindness and even in the meaning of life from Max who you always felt was on your side, even as family only by marriage. He treated us all with equity and I can honestly say that I never heard a bad word about anyone pass his lips.

I can't count the cups of tea from the big electric urn that Mum made or count the birthday cakes that Mum made for all of us, our children and hers and Max's grandchildren... Like Max, she treated us all with equity. Mum was always at the kitchen bench or sink, graciously serving all who came through the door. She was a true home maker who also made the best sandwiches ever.

Mum and Max built this house that sold yesterday. All of us blended family of Max and Pat will miss what their house represented. We will miss going in and seeing Max in his armchair and Mum at her sink, her little head barely visible above the kitchen window, looking out to see who was driving up the long driveway. We will miss the gentle advice from Max and the loving concern of Mum. And Tuesday Baby Day complete with Toy Room and large portable cot. I think all of our children and later grandchildren have slept in that cot over the years...

In saying this sale is the end of the book of Max and Mum, perhaps I will be proved wrong. I believe all of us who drew strength from their home will keep that love and direction in our hearts and thoughts. It has changed us forever.

As I feel sadness for no longer being able to enjoy those feelings of love and family in the Stagg home, I feel that both Mum and Max have done something that is priceless: they made their home a welcoming haven for all who entered that will last for eternity. What a mighty legacy to leave us all.....

The curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the home of the just. Proverbs 3:33

What I wish I knew 50 years ago!

I am nearly 66 years old and I have been a mother for nearly half a century! I have 15 grandchildren and a great-granddaughter and they often trigger a memory of bringing up their parent. Some things I used to worry about I now can laugh at. But most are helpful for new mothers...

Here are some of those things I wish I knew 50 years ago..

* I realise that over 90% of the things I fretted and worried over never happened.

* If you offer food to a young child and they don't eat, they will not starve!
* That the time flies by so quickly that you should make time to enjoy your children-don't be left with regrets in the future
* It is best to keep a house that is clean enough to be healthy but dirty enough to be lived in-it will be too clean when the kids have left for good
* A self-willed child will often grow up to be a very conscientious hard worker and a loving person

* God loves my children even more than I do

* The naughtiest kid really needs the most hugs- sometimes it's an attention seeking thing

* It is more important to make your life rich in love than rich in possessions

* There is no safer place for a little child to bloom than in its own home

* A Band-Aid strip and a kiss means much more....it's that Mummy loves me and cares

* A rested Mother is the best Mother she can possibly be

* Taking time out for yourself some time during the day or night is good-Mothers shouldn't stop dreaming

* Heated disciplining arguments from the chiefs are never productive in front of little recruits-they will soon play one off against the other

* It is not unloving to encroach on your kids 'rights' and choose his friends for him- you can save yourself and him a lot of heartaches later on

* To make too much of a child is inviting disaster- soon they will make you the children and they will be masters of the house

* Stay united with your spouse in front of the children- a house divided will fall and you will come down with it

* Two heads of the house does not work- allow and encourage your husband to lead

* Pray without ceasing - we mothers need all the help we can get...and that goes on all our lives

Seek to find snatches of joy everyday as you battle through Mt Laundry etc- you will reach the mountain top all too quickly and will remember the valley as the best journey of your life!

“In the fear of the LORD [is] strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge ’ Proverbs 14:26