Morning Cuppas With Glenys : depression

Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

I refuse to stay in the Pit of Despair!

Depression is often related to one having a sense of loss to something dear to them. In my case I am grieving the loss of my adult children's affection and the feeling that to them I am already dead. I have been tossed out like an old shoe.

Second is the fact that they aren't very nice people and I suspect that one way or the other, I have failed as a mum...

So I had a time of prayer and during that I felt that as far as mothering goes, how they now act as adults is not my fault. I know now that God knows I did bring them all up in the faith and they were taught to be honest and decent people.

I have now decided that I will not stress about not seeing my new great granddaughter or even grandchildren... it is pointless to bond with them when I wont probably see them... I will not waste my last few years waiting for a word from them or even acknowledgement that I exist... if they cared, they would call

So now I am going to move forward and enjoy as much as possible those who do love me and want me in their life...

The hardest lesson I think was to realise that my love for them is not reciprocated and I am not important or valued much in their life at all. It's a bitter pill but once taken, it helps alleviate the grief of unrequited love...

So I am going to move forward and start thinking of positive things, like Chris and those in my family who do love me...

Another lesson was that even though I have no expectation of a relationship and have pulled back to stop hurting, it does not mean I don't love them... it just has to be from afar as they are toxic to me. At this stage of my life, I just need peace. And that doesn't mean I am selfish...

I refuse to stay in the Pit of Despair!

Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth. Psalm 71:9

Thinking on those things that are good

How you think is how you live... and when life is tough, thinking on those things that are good, and pure will influence if you are just surviving or thriving!

It is so easy to think negatively about your experiences but it will definitely help you in coming out of the Pit of Despair.

It's easy to become entrapped in that Pit but it is difficult to free onself. But it's not impossible.

Keeping close to the LORD through reading the Word, praying and worshiping is key to overcoming morbid introspection, overthinking, discouragement and sadness.

With God's help, we are to bring negative thoughts in to the captivity of Christ by the renewing of our mind. And of course, that begins with thoughts we are thinking...

By being immersed in the Word and prayer, we will learn what thoughts are from God or what are from the evil one. We know thoughts that lead us to better ourselves and repentance, can help us overcome sadness are become godly. And of course, we know which ones are not- for they do the opposite.

We can learn that the Holy Spirit will convict us of any sin and lead us into repentance and joy in our salvation. Consequently, we learn that the evil one condemns us and leads us further into self-condemnation and grief and anguish.

Our whole life and enjoyment in it come from closeness to God, discernment of godly repentance opposed to condemnation and keeping our thoughts in the captivity of Christ.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. -Philippians 4:8

It's all too much!

So recently I have had chest pain in angina and breathing problems coupled with what I thought was fatigue from an ongoing fibromyalgia flare.

My blood pressure sky rocketed, requiring a visit to a cardiologist who ordered an echocardiogram. My general practitioner told me if the results were bad, he would contact me. And he did.

I got the call last Friday telling me to make an appointment for a phone consult so I ended up speaking to the doctor on Monday. He told me I have heart failure due to Pulmonary Hypertension.

There is no cure for it but there are some treatments. I am already on blood thinners which I will stay on as PH can cause blood clots in the lungs. I already take 7 blood pressure tablets a day.

I often have felt dizzy and this is another symptom of PH and I feel like I can't get enough air in at times. The time will come when I will probably need oxygen at home.

Forget about exercise- I nearly collapse with exhaustion after walking up our long passage to answer the door.

I will know more tomorrow when I see the doctor in person. This is needful because he wants to check out the swelling in my feet, ankles and legs. I suspect I have fluid in my abdomen too. It hurts and is tight like a drum.

I had a blood test yesterday to check on my kidney function and this will be a regular thing.

Lately it's been one thing after another and I am a tad depressed. Prayers would be much appreciated. It's all too much!

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

God has broad shoulders

With all that is happening in the world today, even the strongest of Christians are feeling some fear. Disease, corrupt politics, change, unknown unchartered waters- all contribute to an underlying anxiety in most of us, if we are honest.

Some of us pray yet even so, fear remains and we feel hopeless and helpless. We cannot plan much in advance: everything is so uncertain.

We have been buffeted about by the secular powers that be: herded into our home, our children denied school attendance, jobs either lost or in doubt, and threats of punishment for those who do not comply.

There is hardly a person alive today who hasn't been touched by Covid rules or who doesn't know of someone who has been physically touched by it. It seems that the whole world is swamped with it.

Justice and righteousness have been thrown aside, except for those with enough courage or opportunity to stand against evil people intent on bringing down democracy and freedom.

At times this seems surreal, with no end in sight and we are feeling depressed and helpless. We see everyone masked, and we wonder once again- is this for real and how long will it last. We are feeling bombed out and on the verge of despair.

With social distancing, and lock downs, even not being able to see people's faces because of face masks, we are feeling isolated and lonely.

When feeling like this, it is important that we withdraw and run into Jesus's Arms. We need to pray and confess our fear, read or listen to the Word and worship God. Worship lifts us up.

We need to run to Jesus for is a good Father. He says He is a strong tower and we are safe when we run to Him.

Do not leave His Presence without feeling His incredible Peace which passes all human understanding. We need this Love, this assurance, this peace.

Until you feel refreshed and assured and strong again, don't leave. No matter how many times a day or night we come to Him. God welcomes us with open Arms.

Remember you are His Child and that He is with us until He comes for us, then for eternity.

God is not a man that He would tire of His children's need of comfort and peace and renewal of faith. Come to Him. As often as needed. God has broad shoulders.

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

When Christ comes back.

It's Christmas Eve here and I was resting between chores thinking that I don't feel very festive. And as the random thoughts came, I realised that I am not alone...

The birth of Christ is a holy time sometimes celebrated with lights on trees and pretty baubles. Presents adorn the floor around the tree and a feeling of hope, and expectation fills the air.

Carols are a lovely way to thrill the soul and worship the Christ Child, and since Covid, this is mainly from computers, CD's and so on. Carollers are for the most, a thing of the past.

A lot of people perpetuate Saint Nicholas' legacy by telling their children that Santa Claus is coming and for them, Christmas takes on a magical quality.

Sadly for me, my children and even grandchildren are grown. With that childlike expectancy of gifts and new toys now gone, a lot of the fun of the season is gone with it. I miss it.

Obviously I find my joy in the Gift of Christ our Redeemer, and I am truly grateful- not only at Christmas, but all through the year. But those who are now missing the joy of children at Christmas will know what I mean.

And I don't believe I am the only one noticing a lack of festive joy this year. The shops are visited by people with tense, even grim expressions and scarcely one person wishes another a Merry Christmas! It is understandable. The last few years have been difficult to say the least. Stress is rampant.

I think now it is more important than ever to remember the reason for the season. The King of glory came as an infant, born in a stable and given a manger for a crib. But the most wondrous thing of all is that this Baby was born to bring hope and joy to a lost mankind.

As mankind struggles to celebrate- truly celebrate- Christmas, and as world events worsen, I want that childlike faith and joy to come back. But I truly believe it will only come back when Christ comes back to take us believers Home.

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift! 2 Corinthians 9:15

Whatsoever things

As I got older, I became morose and sad. My good years were behind me. Chronic illness overtook my and I resented it so much. It turned inward and made me sink into a depression.

I overcame this by deciding to accept my limitations and to love myself enough to rest, eat well and be grateful for the very fact that I was still alive.

I didn't want to stay in the Pit of Despair, so I gave all my anger and sadness to the LORD. I decided to look at whatsoever things were lovely, and to count my blessings..

This helped me recover spiritually and emotionally. I didn't realise how much my self talk and negativity had brought me down.

If you want to fly, you have to release your burdens so they don't weigh you down, so tell the LORD about it, for it is He Who will release you and help you fly.

Thrown out like an old shoe.

As you know, I have just turned 70. It has been a rough ride yet filled with lots of joy and blessings.

A lot of the joy in my life has been my children, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren. I loved everything related to motherhood...

I had four children under five years and it was a very busy time. Especially with illness that lodged at our house in the form of my spinal disease, glandular fever and depression.

As a mother at 19, I accepted the responsibility of motherhood and I brought up 4 children under 5. At the tender age of 39, I welcomed my first grandchild into the world. I cared for her during her first year due to her mother being unwell with post natal depression.

As my children and now adult grandchildren grew, I was still involved in their lives if I was wanted. And I was wanted, or so I thought.

I thought I was a caring, loving woman who gave kind and solid advice if asked. I did my best to help and support them in times of trouble. I cried for them. I prayed for them.

Recently, I have noticed a drop off of contact, both personal and by phone or computer. I am texted for my birthday, Christmas and other occasions of interest like Mother's Day.

I long for them to just drop in and sit and have a cuppa. It rarely happens. Not like when we regularly had lunch or a cuppa together, but since Chris and I are now unable to leave home due to not being able to walk or drive, we don't.

I see now that a lot of this is because they have to come to us now, not us go to them. We're an inconvenience.

It hurts. It isn't easy to sit alone reminiscing about your younger days, loving your now grown children and grandchildren and being passed over and ignored.

It hurts that because of health issues in old age, one is condemned to days of loneliness and longing for the phone to ring or a text on social media.

And social media sometimes is employed simply as a way of following family and saving pictures of them and their children. At least one feels that there's still some connection.

Knowing that you gave your best years to your family with little to show in return brings a real wave of sadness- because you know you would do it again if given the chance.

But there's no second chance in old age. One is forgotten as the world turns on the axis of youth. The elderly are ostracised and abandoned... thrown out like an old shoe.

Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth. Psalm 71:9

Lord, I want to die!

I suffer from depression and anxiety and it certainly is real. I pray a lot and depend on God a lot.

It has been my experience that God is there during the panic attack, even when I dont feel Him.

When He calms the storm of my out of control emotions-and hormones, I can see that He never left me.

In fact, He carried me across the turbulent sea and deposited me on dry land.

He is our hope when we feel we have none.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. Psalm 23

We have to live through the bad times

Every day is precious no matter how much you ache or hurt. Life has to be lived rather than endured.

Realising how short life really is should encourage us to live it with courage, taking hard times as a challenge.

Not every day will be sunshine and roses, but those days will help us appreciate the days that are.

Remember too, we have to live through the bad times to get to the good.

“See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” Ephesians 5:15-17

Choose to move on

There is much wisdom here. Going back is often impossible, but moving forward is a must. Pray and ask for God's help.

Just don't stand still and get nowhere. Your attitude will effect your next step. Your action will effect your day. Each action on a daily basis will become your life. Determine to be happy in the LORD

To a great degree, you are in charge of your ending. God has great plans for you. Choose to move on.

" For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Guard your thoughts

We are always self talking.. and what we entertain in our head shapes us and becomes actions. So it's crucial that we learn to recognise God's Voice as opposed to Satan's Voice.

I wish I knew God earlier than I did in my life because for the first 3 decades of my life, I was buffeted about by listening to the devil's voice.

Knowing now that God loves me and constantly is with me and wants me to live a peaceful life, I realise that I wasted so many years in misery, doubt and self-hatred.

As it says in the meme, God is a God of love and order. If the voice you are hearing doesn't sound like the encouragement from God, then they are not from Him.

Remember, God loves you. He is for you. He will guide you. He has your back. Hear a verse that gave me hope over a very sad chapter of my life. " For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Guard your thoughts as they will direct your life.

When our world is turned upside down

When one is first diagnosed with an illness, it is quite common to be in disbelief or even denial. After all, some illnesses come as a shock and have the potential to change our life forever. This requires us to rethink how we will cope with the illness, its treatment and life in general.

Sometimes we struggle to get a grip of the ramifications that illness makes in our life, but sooner or later, we are going to have to get our head around the fact that things will change. To function, they have to.

If diagnosis of an illness has caused a depression which lingers for more than a few weeks or causes panic attacks, I suggest that a doctor is seen for antidepressants. These may be needed only short term until the illness is accepted. And it must be accepted sooner or later.

Only in coming to terms with being chronically ill, can we make plans to handle the changes that being ill will bring. We will need to plan our days as wives, mothers and homemakers. (See Lists)
We must cling to Jesus and allow Him to minimise the shock and help us regain our focus. We must also plan our treatments and care.

Scary as it is, chronic illness must be addressed as soon as we are able... our future and our family's future depend on us accepting our illness so that we can move on. Easier said than done when your world has been turned upside down.

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

For such a time as this!

In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried out to my God...

The Lord is close to everyone who calls out to him, to all who call out to him sincerely. The Lord will rescue me from every evil action and will save me for his heavenly kingdom. Whenever I’m afraid, I put my trust in you — in God, whose word I praise.
I trust in God; I won’t be afraid. What can mere flesh do to me? God is indeed my salvation; I will trust and won't be afraid. It’s far better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust any human. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever.
God didn't give us a spirit that is timid but one that is powerful, loving, and self-controlled. Throw all your anxiety onto him, because he cares about you. This is why we can confidently say, The Lord is my helper, and I won’t be afraid. What can people do to me?

Those who know your name trust you because you have not abandoned any who seek you, Lord. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul...

He heard my voice from His temple and my cry came before Him even to His ears

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you.

I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also"

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

"Don't fear, because I am with you; don't be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand"

“Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world to test those who dwell on the earth."

The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him. Psalm 28:7

A compilation of scriptures for such a time as this by Glenys

Micah says it all!

Recently during one of my quiet times, I read one of my favourite verses from Micah 6:8 "He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?"

Being a Christian isn't really that difficult. Once one has surrendered his or her life to Christ, the Holy Spirit guides us into that which pleases God.

Our walk with Him is continuous and should lead us to becoming better people than we were yesterday, emulating the Master, Jesus Christ.

As a sufferer of many ailments which cause chronic pain and fatigue, fibromyalgia being the worst culprit, I used to worry about not being able to serve God as well as I did in my younger Christian walk before illnessdep.

Depression would hang around my shoulders like a cloak because I felt unable to do much for Jesus, in fact unable to do much at all for even my family.

Then I had an epiphany! I realised that God can be served mostly by having a loving heart. Besides, His love for us is not dependant on what we do, but on what He has done for us!

God only requires that I love Him with my whole heart, mind and soul, that I love justice and mercy and that I walk humbly with Him. It's nothing to do with limitations brought on by illness or disability or our lack of energy or spoons to do things. Grace is wonderful and my favourite verse in Micah says it all!

"He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8

Keep the faith!

There's no doubt that the world is a scary place at the moment. Political chaos, pestilence and poverty catches us in a deathly vice that can leave us depressed and frazzled.

It is easy to become depressed with all that is happening at the moment and therefore it is vitally important that we stay close to the LORD.

As I wrote in a previous post, nothing is out of control with God. We may feel that our life is out of control, but our Heavenly Father has us securely in His Hand.

I love the picture of the wise virgins with their lamps trimmed with oil. They knew they were ready to meet the bridegroom. There is no fear where there is faith! Perfect love casts out fear!

We need to read the scriptures on faith and live it. There's really nothing to fear when we are the LORD'S. For thus says the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel: “ In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15

Those of us who believe the promises of God have to dwell on them and allow them to overcome our fear, knowing that nothing takes Him by surprise or has the power to snatch us from His Hand.

His loving Eye of concern is on us constantly and the very hairs on our head are numbered. We are His beloved Bride and He is coming to take us unto Himself soon.

Let us then focus on living our life well, with joy serving Christ and our family and community. Let us renounce fear and depression and dwell on what blessings we have already.

Let us be consistent in love, self-control and joy, knowing that this present confusion will soon pass.

Be prayerful and praise God Who is in control of everything.

Let us lift up our hearts, our spirits and our heads because our redemption is nigh according to all the signs Jesus told us to look for.

Pray without ceasing and give thanks in all things.

Among the confusion of the world, set yourself apart and look up.

Be cheerful and know the LORD is at the door.

Above all else, don't give up- keep the faith!

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

The Queen of List Making

So I did it again! Instead of cleaning up after dinner, I went to bed with dishes in the sink. I hate when I do that!

I mean, with fibromyalgia robbing me of a good restful sleep, the mornings are hard enough to face. Having a dirty kitchen to wake up to is the pits!

Most would think that it's just laziness, but by the time I have cooked dinner my spoons are almost gone. Yes gone! I am so done in by the end of the day that even lifting my arms up to put my nightie over them creates pain.

Oh, yes, I make lists and read motivational blogs and You tubes, but to no avail. I am the Queen of List Making. Yet my limited spoons dictate that I do very little and I am left with ashes in my mouth.

I know I said before that I have been keeping busy and that's true, but I now have a rebound fibro flare and coupled with our autumn cold snap with rain, I am in a lot of pain.

You would think that I would have worked out this fibromyalgia lurk after twenty years. And for the most part although I hate it, I have learned to exist with fibro without feeling false guilt that leads to depression.

Most days I accept my disability, but deep inside is a perfectionist screaming to get out! On days like this, I try to nest and I overextend my limits. Hello, Fibro Flare!

I am grateful to my husband Chris. He is an mild mannered man who is happy with how I do manage to keep our nest. He, and most people who come to visit- well in better days obviously- are happy with the state of our home.

It must be that I am my own worst enemy: trying to do the work of a much younger healthier woman: everything in its place and a place for everything. But always straining, never achieving thanks to Fibromyalgia. I need to accept what is and hang up my crown as the Queen of List Making.

You can rely on His Word

Scripture tells us that we will not know the day or hour that Jesus comes to take His Bride- the Church home with Him. We who are looking for His glorious appearing and being with Christ for eternity are longing for the Day. And so we should be.

“However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows" Matthew 24:36

Many of us are experiencing our own tribulations as the world is cast into the shadow of the great Tribulation, and we are tired of living in this sin-filled, ungodly world. We need to keep not only our eyes looking up, but our hearts.

As in the days of Noah, so shall it be in the final days before the Rapture also known in the Bible as the Harpazo and Rapturo. (Yes it is mentioned in the scriptures). We need to keep the faith, keep fighting the good fight and keep our spirits and heart in longing for our Beloved to come for us. And He is coming!

What can we be doing as we wait for Jesus to take us Home?

I believe we should be in prayer for those people suffering under authorities such as the Taliban and for all those Christians who are in danger.
We need to intercede for the Ukrainians who are being invaded as we speak.

We should be praying for those who are still unsaved.

Keeping the faith can be difficult for some, especially as the world gets darker. We need to pray for ourselves too.

How can we overcome the anxiety and depression these end days bring?

We should bring our thoughts and minds under the control of the Holy Spirit by focussing on good things that are still here

We must remember that Christ is in control, no matter how bad a situation becomes.

We must bring everything we see, hear and read in to the light of the Word and we must remember that all these things, though disturbing, are temporary.

We must maintain an attitude of gratitude for all things in our life and dwell on God's goodness.

We simply must be a person of worship and praise.

We must be in the Word.
We must remember that Jesus has promised to take us Home before the Great Tribulation.

Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world, to test those who dwell on the earth- Revelation 3:10

The end is in sight and we are tired. We long for Jesus to take us to be with Him. We are continuing to fight the good fight. We are running the race and our Saviour cheers us on.

We are being His faithful servants even in the end days.. whilst watching and waiting. Even so, come Lord Jesus! Maranatha!

Those who don't know Jesus yet....There's not much time left, my friends. Get on the Ark and get saved now.

He is coming- and soon. Accept Christ now! God is fulfilling all things and it must come to pass. You can rely on His Word.

Today's the day of salvation

I think most of us believers feel that God is slow in coming back for us, and we are frustrated and depressed as the world is a sad place.

I have studied eschatology and I believe that the LORD is coming for His Bride- us soon! very soon.

Let that blessed hope buoy you up. It does me. He is at the gates... Just keep trusting in Him for He loves us... look up my friend. Our redemption is nigh.

God's wrath is for the unbelievers and Israel to recognise the Saviour they rejected. We are not going through the Tribulation.

We leave soon. Look up... I will save you a seat at the Marriage Supper.... Maranatha! Choose joy. we are blessed!

If you don't know Jesus as LORD, you can be Rapture ready by being saved. You don't want to be left behind. Today's the day of salvation... don't leave it too long.

“Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world, to test those who dwell on the earth. Revelation 3:10

Don't relinquish your role!

As you probably know, in my first 25 year marriage, I was an abused wife. But along with physical abuse, I was daily subjected to disrespect and psychological stress.

By the time I was married for about 15 years, I was broken physically and emotionally. I was in hospital frequently for a spinal disease called Sheurmann's Disease, and for surgery to remove kidney stones. Each time I came home, the disrespect was worse.

After a few years of this, I noticed that my daughter, who was a teenager at the time, was changing her attitude towards me. She became cheeky and sassy and answered me back constantly. Whenever I appealed for some backup from her father, he would defend her. I felt isolated and lonely in my own home.

As she grew older, I noticed that they both talked more than he and I did, and there was a definite bond and camaraderie. I felt like the third wheel.

In the morning I would make my beds and maintain my home, and when my daughter came home from school, she would pull them all back and redo them, stating that they weren't made properly.

Often my ex-husband would come home to unmade beds and he would start screaming at me, swearing and calling me horrid names. He didn't believe me when I told him I had made them and that she had pulled them back for me to make again. Honestly, with my ill health, once a day was enough for me to find the strength to make them.

In the end, I didn't make them, letting her do them when she got home from school. It was just wasting my precious spoons (energy) for nothing- they would be remade and I would get a tongue lashing regardless.

I think this was where the rug was pulled from under my feet. I gradually was treated like a naughty child by both my ex-husband and my eldest daughter. In fact when we were moving house and it was time to choose the colours and tiles etc, they conferred and I was just informed what it would be.

To say that I was not mistress of my own home is an understatement. I was an annoying lazy freeloader according to them. I couldn't work outside the home and they begrudged me anything at all.

When finally I could no longer keep any food down due to fear and depression, and sick of punched arms and bruises, I decided to leave. And in my confusion, I grabbed some clothes pegs with my clothes and this was duly reported to her father who demanded them to be returned.

I don't believe even today that there was any sexual connection with my daughter and her father, but there was a bond that cemented them together, but which excluded me. And I was powerless to change it and my cries for marriage counselling fell on deaf ears. It became too much.

Truly, three in a marriage is never what God intended. Nor did He intend for a man to cleave to his daughter and deny his wife due regard and respect. It is not a normal marriage.

So why do I tell you this? you ask. Because you must find the strength to fight being made an outsider in your role as a wife, mother and home maker. You simply must demand respect from your husband, even if it exhausts you. You must insist on respect from your children.

I wish I had been aware of this earlier and been firmer, but I can only say that I was beaten down so badly by him and chronic illness, that I could hardly stand. Start defending your right to be a wife and a respected mother. Your role is ordained by God. Don't relinquish it.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

“I will give children to be their princes, and babes shall rule over them.." Isaiah 3:4