Morning Cuppas With Glenys : obesity

Showing posts with label obesity. Show all posts

Giving the gift of time well spent

As most of you who follow my blogs know, Chris and I not enjoying the best of health. We both are currently battling heart failure, diabetes and obesity brought on by the inactivity that comes with pain and age.

Gradually as the maladies make themselves more known and felt, we are aware that we probably won't make it to our 80th year.

Lately we have written a will and talked to our adult children of our final wishes. Unable to bear being apart, we have decided that we both want to be buried together, and to this end, we are currently getting information about prepaid funerals and plots of land at our local cemetery.

We have discussed Do not rescusitate orders and made our wishes known to our children. They were hesitant to talk about these matters, but we assured them that we need to sort it out, afterwhich we won't talk about it.

My stents in my heart are 15 years old and I am told I need new ones inserted, but I have refused them as the previous 2 angiograms injured me. I simply don't want to have more surgery.

Chris and I have made the choice that there won't be any more harmful surgeries. If I have a bad heart attack I do not want to be rescusitated.

I am ready for Jesus to either take me in the Rapture or call me Home. Either way is OK.

Chris is in really bad health with his own heart failure. I am aware of how little time we may have and I don't want to waste it.

So I am on the computer about an hour instead of all day. I have culled most groups etc but have not culled my friends.

Chris promised me he will update if I go Home. We just cant bear any more hospitals and tests etc- especially when they have done me harm in the past.

I am trusting the LORD instead of man and for the one who is left behind, we are giving the gift of time well spent.

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints. Psalm 116:15

I just want some breakfast!

I was minding my three young grandchildren this morning. It was a very early start at 4am with all three children waking up at 5am as soon as their parents left for the airport. I decided to feed them early in hopes that they would go back to bed....As the children told me what they wanted to have for breakfast, I listened to the chatter...

"Jess, you can't have Weeties, too many carbs!" "No, Liam! I am allowed bacon and eggs: Mum said I can have that cos it's got no carbs, and I'm on a fat and no carb diet!" I had to referee a fight over Jess not taking sugar in her tea whilst Liam piled his on his cereal....he is not on a diet! In fact, he could gain a pound or 2, whereas Jess takes after her Nana...ahem! Yes, life could be so unfair! Sighing, I glanced at the clock: 5:45 am and the day was still young!

Getting a bottle for Thomas, I smiled to myself: he is too young to care what goes into his bottle and he accepted it with his characteristic grin and good nature (except for this morning at 5am's outburst of horror as he realised that Mum had gone. But I digress)...Catching the morning's Nutritional Goodness theme, I mentally made a note of calcium benefits for him.

It was then time for me to have breakfast and I found myself staring blankly into the pantry, trying to keep awake. As my hand reached out for the Sugar Frosties, Liam piped up with, "Hey, Nan, they're full of sugar: are you allowed to have sugar? Sugar's not good for you: Mum said I can't have too much cos it makes me hyper!" I thought guiltily about my diabetes and I put it back!

Knowing that the smell of toast would be too much of a temptation for young Jessica to resist, I decided that I would forgo that this morning and instead I grabbed a tin of tuna as a high protein choice. But my little shadow informed me that his Mum had bought just enough tins for Dad's high protein/no carbs diet next week. Guilty again, I put it back in its place in line with the others.

My stomach was growling by now and I was getting desperate for something to fill it. Better be something healthy today I thought with an inwards chuckle. Not wanting to be warned off anything else, I made myself a cup of tea without sugar and grabbed a piece of rye bread sans butter and slowly chewed on it...

The kids returned to bed and I crept back out into the kitchen: I don't care what my diet conscious grandchildren think: I just want some breakfast! I grabbed the sugar loaded cereal and put some sugar in my tea. What they don't know won't hurt them, but please don't tell their parents!

"A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken" Proverbs 15:13

The only nice thing about it

So we went to the doctor yesterday to get our results from blood tests taken a few days ago. My blood pressure was 140/90 which was slightly better than last time, but still high.

He asked was anything bothering me and I had to tell him I am worried about Chris. Both of us have heart failure, high blood pressure, diabetes and cellulitis plus I have fibromyalgia.

We both have pitting oedema on our feet and legs and the fatigue that comes from obesity and feeling sick. Dressing and showering is shared in that we help each other and because of exhaustion from showering, we shower every second day, taking opposite days. That way, we can help each other.

Our love language is touch in the form of massaging each other's feet and legs and our speech revolves around spoons and how much sugar is in everything that passes our lips.

We rarely leave home any more except for the doctor or chemist and our rubbish bins go out more than us. The highlight of our day is to discover we don't have any appointments or need a blood test. We are extremely relieved to know we can just stay home and have a PJ day.

It is unusual to call on us and not find at least one of us having a nana nap, particularly if we haven't slept well the night before.

When massaging Chris's feet or watching him sleep upright so that he doesn't feel like he's drowning in his fluid, I become anxious about how ill he looks and I fret that I will lose him.

I can't bear to think of that and when I do, I have to give it to the LORD in prayer and trust that He will grant us more time together.

All this angst does nothing to alleviate my fibromyalgia pain or help me get over a flare and I find myself taking mild pain relief every 6 hours. As the doctor advised.

Our home is able to be company ready in half an hour as it is basically tidy all the time. True, there may be slippers in the lounge or a cup on the table, but this can easily be fixed. I just close our bedroom doors to hide the permanently clean but unmade beds.

We love our home as we feel it nurtures us and even though we only may be gone a few hours when we have to go out, we find we are really looking forward to coming home again.

When we were engaged, we agreed that it would be nice to grow old together and we have. Twenty-five years later, it isn't so nice. But thank goodness we have each other and that's the only nice thing about it.

The fruits will be there

As a chronically ill woman who truly doesn’t eat much, my weight gain is mainly inactivity and taking Prednisolone and other drugs for depression and polymyalgia rheumatica etc. If I dwelt on weight gain and my consequent obesity, I would be so depressed that I wouldn’t have time to write for the LORD, or feel close to Him.

Having said that, it is my intention to give my eating to God and ask for His help in making good food choices, and in self control. I will try to exercise gently by walking and seeking out a swimming pool so that I can exercise without hurting my muscles, back and torn meniscus. It will be a balancing act so as not to bring on a new flare of my fibromyalgia or an angina attack.

Because obesity can effect our spirit, I would say that we have to bring negative thoughts about our bodies and weight loss in general, into the captivity of Christ and not allow it to distract us from what He has for our life.

In practice, healthy weight loss will take time and it will be necessary to be patient with my body as it slowly releases the fat and comes into subjection. For it is going to be a battle: I know that, and it is a battle I simply must win.

In starting each day, I will be asking God for wisdom in what to eat and when. I will be making losing weight a priority after God, one which I know is in His will and that will please Him.

I am expecting a very slow reduction in my BMI, a very slow introduction to movement and a rather rapid new intake of water daily. In return I am expecting a reduction in blood pressure, pain with arthritis, depression, GERD, and lower HBA1 C for my diabetes. I am expecting a reduction in medications.

Boring subject that it is, nevertheless weight loss is often so depressing and consuming that it can distract us from our relationship with Jesus. In fact, weight loss can become an idol. We must avoid becoming obsessive with it.

A new outlook has taken me to seeing that loving myself enough to lose the weight that is literally killing me is pleasing to God. He wants the best for me. So knowing this, I can rely on help from the Holy Spirit in putting an end to living trapped in a sick and grossly overweight body.

I have tried diet pills in the past, but they made me anxious, wound up and irritable. I can't take them. Even if I diet and don't lose weight, at least I will know that I have lived trying to look after my body.

Love for God and pleasing Him, joy in obedience in the journey, peace in being proactive, patience in the struggle, kindness to myself when I stumble, will produce a woman who is feeling better and more able to be kind, good, faithful and gentle, through obedience to God through self-control. After repentance and obedience, the fruits will be there.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Give us the comfort of Jesus~

I recently saw a post from a Christian woman who blogs about marriage and who believes she is an authority on all things spiritual. Along with this narcissim, she has a very prideful and uncompassionate and judgemental attitude. Plus she will never concede that perhaps, just perhaps, she is wrong.

She was exhorting us to not allow any sin into our lives: gluttony was high up on her list. And whilst gluttony is a sin- (anything taken into excess especially that which is harmful- is a sin)- she proceeded to broadcast her lack of knowledge in weight and health matters, and made the blanket statement that overweight is always due to gluttony and that is therefore sin.

So many chronically ill people commented and her attitude was one of "pipe down you glutton and confess your sin!" Many overweight people- Christians- were upset by her and I join them. I wrote a reply as this woman needs to be made aware that her judgements are not only spiritually wrong but also medically incorrect....

OK. So I am obese. After 3 heart stents, an underactive thyroid that took years to diagnose, fibromyalgia, Scheurrmanns Disease, spinal stenosis, hole in the heart and a torn meniscus in the left knee plus years of Prednisolone due to polymyalgia rheumatica, I don't move around much.

Every single one of the 30 pills I must take daily add to my chronic fatigue and lack of alertness. I eat healthy food and keep to 1200 cals a day. Due to meds, I must eat with them and I cannot fast- but I have tried. To make a simple equation in physics help me lose weight, I would be able to consume a plate of lettuce once a day. Which is unreasonable and unsustainable.

I am very close to God and am under absolutely no conviction that I am either a glutton or a consistent sinner. I am however, absolutely constantly reassured of a God Who loves me as a Father loves His child and I confess I cling to Him in my daily living with chronic illness and consequent obesity.

To have prideful and uncompassionate people act like Jobs' Comforters is no help at all and very unChristlike. Where is grace? Why the judgements? Thank God we have one Judge and Advocate: I thank God it's Jesus.

It is a shame that this woman is so unsympathetic and strident: she speaks a lot of truth regarding marriage, but again with the caustic remarks and prideful attitude one sees in her adored author Debi Pearl, as seen in her horrible book Created to Be A Help Meet.

A Christian teacher should be gentle, not prideful, harsh and downright cruel. There are so many of us who are overweight and who fight it daily. We do not need to be told that we are sinning because of our weight. It is a sad state of affairs when we have the added pain of condemnation from an unlearned individual to contend with as well.

Let us be slow to speak and then to do so in love, just as our Saviour taught us. We need His comfort as we battle our weight and illnesses, not some self righteous cowgirl galloping in on her stallion. Job's comforters are not required- (not that she tries to comfort anyway) Give us the comfort of Jesus!

I have heard many such things: miserable comforters are ye all. Job 16:2

Hypocrites in the church

We are never going to find a perfect church because we are all sinners saved by grace. But at the least, love for each other should be obvious... or else we are no disciples of Christ... "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." John 15:12 Sadly I have been to such mega churches where the preacher is more interested in getting the right side of his profile on the video tape... real performers! Give me a church that truly loves its' brethren...

Many people, myself included have been hurt by judging, unloving and critical Christians in church. 18 months ago after I left the last church where I was serving as a deaconess and a foundation member, I decided I had had enough of being hurt. My weight, age and illness were mocked and they were only going to get worse. I felt that I would never go to church again. But gradually over the months, I got an unbearable hunger for corporate worship and last Sunday, in spite of panic attacks and a bit of fear, I went with my friend to a church that Chris and I have attended before. It was good... I felt complete.

I do understand the silent looks, the unspoken criticism of being ill and the almost palpable expectation of others to get better and to stop whingeing.... and yes, to have more faith. This world is geared to the young and well and the beautiful people, even in the church. If you happen to be obese as well, you are minced meat! But I had to work through that and to be honest, it still hurts. Christians should not judge on externals...

But I need to go to church. For me, it was a lesson in forgiveness and knowing that Jesus accepts me as I am, even if young pioneer church planters of pastors, don't. I think unless God intervenes in their hearts, a lot of go getting pastors will continue to view the chronically ill aged and overweight or poorly clad, with the carnal mindset of the world.

I wonder if they have really heard from God in their calling when His compassion and love is evidently not manifested in their actions. This shouldn't be with pastors because although human they are entrusted with much and they should be worthy of the respect they deserve as pastors. Yet sadly many fall very short. I believe it is a sad indictment against the modern church... and pastorate.

Did you know that Mahatma Gandhi was shown contempt when he went to a church? he never went again, citing us as hypocrites! This is so sad and I know it grieves the LORD.

http://www.christiantoday.co.in/article/mahatma.gandhi.and.christianity/2837.htm

If the church has no compassion for the sick, no care for the poor or hunger to reach the lost, then she doesn't know her God and deserves to be called hypocritical.

Therefore the Lord said: "Inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouths and honor Me with their lips, but have removed their hearts far from Me, and their fear toward Me is taught by the commandment of men," Isaiah 29:13

Dying for a hug

Ever since childhood, I have been a person who loves close contact. I needed to be loved, but sadly that was something that I longed for, but never received as a child, then as a young adult.

Now nearly 70 years old, I have been diagnosed with depression, post traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder and fibromyalgia, to which there is a link with childhood abuse.

Like trying to lose weight after taking medications for hyothyroidism, my current happy marriage and constant hugs and demonstrative affection, has not been able to erradicate the damage that was done in my childhood.

Open affection was something denied to me until I left my abusive husband after 25 years of hell and met Chris. During the 4 years between leaving my ex husband and meeting and marrying Chris, I felt so very alone.

I was never alone, not even in the womb, and being solo was strange and difficult for me. I was enveloped by a loneliness that draped itself around my shoulders like a wet soggy cloak of despair.

The only physical contact I had was at church, where we passed the peace, hugged our friends and received a chaste kiss on the cheek. I lived for that brief time every week.

I have read of an experiment that denied newborns affection, and each of the babies died. Perhaps this lack of affection was something that effected adults too. I know it was a big part in my becoming pregnant at 16, taken in by a man who told me he loved me. He started his abuse as soon as the ink dried on the marriage certificate and still continued (long distance) even after the ink dried on the divorce papers.

It is a blessing that Chris knows all my past and understands me, for even today I cannot bear to be outside at night. This is due to the fact that we often had to vacate our warm beds in the early hours of the morning with Dad chasing us in a drunken state, throwing beer bottles at us as we fled. Once it gets night, I feel anxious if I am not home and settled.

I am talking to you about this not for pity but a warning that hugs, kisses, cuddles, affectionate voices and other demonstrations of love is critical for a child's development. To give a child a happy childhood peppered with demonstrations of love and oodles of hugs is the best thing you can give them- more important than expensive toys.

During this enforced staying at home, let's make an effort to be demonstrative in our affections. Let's hug our children often, hold hands with our husband and nurture the need for touch and feeling loved.

"But what if my husband is not the affectionate sort?" you ask. Love him anyway, even if he is surprised by it. It will benefit not only your marriage, but your children. And who knows, you might even find that underneath the hesitation to show affection, he is starved for it, and is dying for a hug.

Titus 2:4-5 “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

What to do when fear's gone viral

So, there's hardly a person alive today who hasn't heard of the Corona Virus. With the internet spewing its' fear over us and then word of mouth, it is by far the most heard of influenza virus of our time! And the fear of this virus has gone viral.

I won't lie to you that I haven't been afraid of contracting the virus. I have. I also have many co-morbidities that preclude me having a quick recovery, or even recovering.

For starters, I am a senior woman. I have a very weak heart that requires yet another stent to join my three already placed there thirteen years ago. A hole in the heart means that my right lung in particular is not oxygenating properly. I am asthmatic and have weakened lungs because of having had pneumonia three times. Plus I have diabetes 2 and am obese. All these co-morbidities do not bode well for me if I were to contract the Corona Virus.

So you can guess that I have been fearful of it. So much so that I locked myself in my study and spent a couple of hours before the LORD in confession and prayer. And I came out of that room a changed woman spiritually.

How have I changed in such a short time? you ask. Because I momentarily lost sight of who I am in relation to God, and more importantly, Who He is.

He is sovereign and I am His Child. He even calls me "friend".

Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

He has promised never to leave me nor forsake me Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5

My life is in His Hands and it is His good pleasure to either stop me getting this virus or taking me Home. I briefly forgot this important fact.

We are told not to be anxious and it is very hard not to be. So what do we do?

We confess our fear
We repent of fear
We look at the promises of God
We praise God for His promises and
We believe He will keep them
We worship God
We praise Him
We refute fearful thoughts

Now as a woman with post-traumatic stress disorder, panic/anxiety disorder and plain bad nerves, I know how hard it is to stay calm in the current situation. But, I am here to tell you that it can be done. But you must take the time to actually go to God and place your fears at His feet. Then look up!

Make a practice of refuting fearful thoughts and force yourself to think of your blessings. Claim God's promises for you as His Child. He's not going to push you away because you are afraid. And by His Blood, He has provided a way out of sin. It's called grace!

Read the scriptures, listen to uplifting worship music. Watch uplifting podcasts of your favourite sermons. Go outside and listen to the birds or look at the stars. Be assured that you are of more value than a sparrow and that God has you in the palm of His Hand.

Finally, take a break from social media, watching the News and reading the newspapers. The media are to blame a lot for us being so nervous and have caused panic buying.

These are some things I have put into effect in my own home and are some suggestions of what to do when fear's gone viral...

When I was a small child and lived in fear, I learned Psalm 91 off by heart and would recite it to help myself go to sleep... it still calms my pounding heart... have a read for yourself and take it to heart:

"He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day, nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for destruction that wasteth at noonday. A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. Only with thine yes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked. Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; there shall no evil befall thee. Neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling." Psalm 91:1-10

Job's comforters not required

OK. So I am obese. After 3 heart stents, an underactive thyroid that took years to diagnose, fibromyalgia, Scheurrmanns Disease, spinal stenosis, hole in the heart and a torn meniscus in the left knee plus years of Prednisolone due to polymyalgia rheumatica, I don't move around much.

Every single one of the 30 pills I must take daily add to my chronic fatigue and lack of alertness. I eat healthy food and keep to 1200 cals a day. Due to meds, I must eat with them and I cannot fast- but I have tried. To make a simple equation in physics help me lose weight, I would be able to consume a plate of lettuce once a day. Which is unreasonable and unsustainable.

I am very close to God and am under absolutely no conviction that I am either a glutton or a consistent sinner. I am however, absolutely constantly reassured of a God Who loves me as a Father loves His child and I confess I cling to Him in my daily living with chronic illness and consequent obesity.

To have prideful and uncompassionate people act like Jobs' Comforters is no help at all and very unChristlike. Where is grace? Why the judgements? Thank God we have one Judge and Advocate: I thank God it's Jesus.

I have heard many such things: miserable comforters are ye all. Job 16:2

New Year prayers

It is New Year's Eve and like millions of people around the world it is a tradition to make New Year resolutions. I have resolved to try to lose weight.

As a chronically ill woman who truly doesn’t eat much, my weight gain is mainly inactivity and taking Prednisolone and other drugs for depression and blood pressure etc. If I dwelt on weight gain and my consequent obesity, I would be so depressed that I wouldn’t have time to write for the LORD, or feel close to Him.

In starting each day, I will be asking God for wisdom in what to eat and when. I will be making losing weight a priority after God, one which I know is in His will and that will please Him.

Love for God and pleasing Him, joy in obedience in the journey, peace in being proactive, patience in the struggle, kindness to myself when I stumble, will produce a woman who is feeling better and more able to be kind, good, faithful and gentle, through obedience to God through self-control. The fruits are there for the taking after repentance and obedience.

Pray for me as I try to regain my health. I pray you have a blessed New Year and success in your own resolutions, whatever they may be.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

And so this was Christmas

So, I am sitting here the day after Christmas. I have absolutely no energy and the paracetamol tablets have done nothing to alleviate my pain from my fibromyalgia flare, my back ache and my sore arthritic feet.

My fibromyalgia has been flaring for the past five months since we started life in the fifth wheeler: well, actually it was flaring before that as we sold or gave away all our extraneous stuff and packed the van and closed up our rented house.

Prior to that we had the search for the fiver and a tow vehicle, then finding someone to put in the hitch and then the long tow back from Ballarat to Pakenham. A long round about trip.

Three months into the trip, I tore my meniscus in the left knee again, and that put paid to being able to manage the seven steps up into the fiver. I became housebound and gained quite a bit of extra weight. We had to find a new rented home with no steps.

We have just moved into a renovated farm house in a small country township in East Gippsland. We picked up the keys Monday 23rd December and of course the next day was Christmas Eve. We had made plans to see our little granddaughter open her presents and that meant staying overnight. We honestly felt so tired that we wished we could just cancel Christmas...

Christmas Day I helped my daughter cook and we had Christmas lunch there and then made the long trip home. I was so tired that I fell asleep on the drive home and nearly garrotted myself on the seat belt. Chris said I was snoring sonorously. I believe him.

As it is our summer here in Australia, the weather was hot and this gave me trouble with my heart and caused my feet to swell alarmingly. I was so glad to get home and ditch my shoes and lay by the air conditioner for a bit.

This morning I took my sugars and was shocked by the high reading. I think I should not have had the choc ripple cake but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Although we still have stuff to unpack from the fiver and put in place here, the house is basically functional and very cosy already.

I did pause frequently to reflect on the reason for the season: the birth of our Saviour Jesus Christ. The best part is spreading love and spending time with family if possible. If they will allow it.

I cannot say how Christmas became so commercial and such a rush, but this year no one seemed very full of the festive spirit. In fact, most seemed flushed and rushed and to be honest, those we visited were bickering and fighting and that made me anxious.

As I pour myself the last of our egg nog and head to bed for a nana nap, I have purposed to stay at home next Christmas. It is time to accept that all the hype of what should be a holy and peaceful time, is playing havoc with my ageing body.

The beauty of the Saviour's birth will not be lost on me, but I will lose the expectation of sweet family gatherings and realise that my family is dysfunctional.

As I make my way to my room, I bow my head in thanks for God's wonderful gift of His Son. And I pray for peace for my family and others like it. I hope you all had a better Christmas than we did.... and so, this was Christmas!

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Psalm 31:24

Like a beetle on its' back

So I have managed to get up onto the X-ray table with great difficulty. It was so narrow that my sides were almost going over the edges. I was assured that I would only need a few pix of my spine and to be honest, I was glad about that.

Anyone who has had an X-ray when their back was screaming for mercy would know that they aren't the most comfortable of beds, so I settled uncomfortably, glad that it promised not be a long drawn out affair like an MRI.

My previous X-rays on my hands were no problem at all. But this back and neck pain being investigated by X-ray was proving to be a challenge. I lay there praying that the first set of pictures would be sufficient so that I could escape back to the safety of my home.

They had wedged some foam under my side and it was making my back muscles go into spasm and cramp. There was no give in the sterile table on which I lay and my fibromyalgia was making everything feel like torture.

The first sets of films were fine but the technician decided to take a few more pix higher up towards my neck. By the time I was allowed to get off the table, I was as stiff as a board.

I tried to raise myself up, but the pain in my muscles and neck made me flap and flail around helplessly. Like a drowning man, I jerked around trying to sit up whilst the technician retreated behind the screen.

Things were getting desperate as I saw that the table hadn't been lowered and the drop was great enough to make me fearful. So, with a final grunt as I pushed forward and slumped back, I called out in desperation for the technician to come and help me.

Finally upright, my head momentarily swam and I gripped the edge of the bed. Seeing my dizziness, the technician pushed my shoes towards me. I tried to lower myself off the bed again, and my knee with the torn meniscus gave way.

Down I came and fortunately the technician was able to break my fall: and not for the first time, I wondered why they don't help their patients a bit more. Arthritis, shot knees, Sheurrmann's Disease, ankylosing spondylitis, Polymyalgia rheumatica, fibromyalgia with obesity thrown in for good measure makes a good case for help getting on and off the table.

I just think that some people don't realise the limitations of chronic illness and disability. Sometimes I need their help. It's either that, or try and pick me up after I've fallen to the floor, landing like a beetle on its' back.

With the Psalmist, let us dwell on God for our strength as we cry, "I love you LORD my strength!" Psalm 18:1

Aging doesn't bother me!

Today is my 66th birthday and I am not phased at getting older. I do not get depressed about aging, but I do sense a certain urgency to live better and to make sure that I do not waste something that is irreplaceable and of great value - time!

It's sometimes tradition on birthdays to evaluate your life.... What have I achieved in nearly seven decades of living? What do I want to achieve? Where is my life heading? What things are key in my life in regards to importance and eternity? What changes can I make to live better and cherish that which I do hold dear? Quite a lot to think on really.

As I sit and reflect, I know that I have to make some changes in my life as regards growing closer to the LORD, and memorising scripture better. I have to seriously build myself up physically as well whilst trimming a lot of excess avoir du pois off my truly small frame.

I realise that I can only make changes by repenting of a lot of negative thinking and attitudes that have gathered like moss on a stone. And by clinging to the LORD, for I know that without Him as the foundation, I can achieve nothing of eternal value.

One thing to reflect on is one that makes me content. I am basically living a good Christian life. I found that out when I was misdiagnosed with a terminal dementia like disease 11 years ago. You have got to believe me when I say that a person who believes they are dying questions what is important in their life and tries to make amends where it is lacking! I didn't have to change anything! I believe our sanctification is ongoing...I am far from perfect and there are some weeds in my garden that need to be pulled. I have far to go in some things..

Yes, today is a day for reflection as well as thanks for the great gift of life! And I can rejoice, because aging doesn't bother me! Not having enough breath to blow out all my candles? Yes, I think that bothers me more! ~smile

So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom. Psalm 90:12