Damned if you do, damned if you don't

I do not advocate smacking for every tiny infringement that a child makes, and as an abused child, I definitely can see where corporal punishment on a regular basis could lead to raising a nervous child who lacks self-confidence and who exhibits a fearful demeanour.

However, I do believe in the scriptures which admonish us to not spare the rod and ruin the child... and in practice, I have found an occasional but controlled smack over the seat of the pants, does no harm. In fact, it gives children boundaries. And perversely, it makes children feel loved because of it.

I remember a few years ago, my daughter and I went clothes shopping. Her 3 year old son ran amok in Target, knocking clothes off racks and running into people. We tried to restrain him, but he just continued wreaking havoc. People were giving us disgusted looks. Finally, in desperation, my daughter gave her son a quick and controlled smack over his bottom which brought him immediately into line.

Alas, she was confronted with angry looks and tut tuts from fellow shoppers for smacking him! Almost in tears, she remarked loudly enough for them to hear that she was damned if she did, and damned if she didn't smack him to bring him into line. 

Sometimes a smack over the 'seat of learning' works really well... but it is now a sad thing to be afraid to do it for fear of being reported to authorities. I feel sorry for young mums today...they are living in a world which mostly has turned its back on godly wisdom.  We are paying the price by bringing up children who rule us....


© Glenys Robyn Hicks

As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. Isaiah 3:12

Grateful and blessed

I am blessed to have a nice home. So many today are homeless, so even if your home is small and you truly don't love it, it would behoove us to be grateful for it regardless.

Home is the cradle of civilisation. It is the foundation of training, knowledge, shaping our early years and moulding us into the adult we will become.

Home's an oasis of calm in a world that's not. It is meant to be a peacable place, a sure dwelling and a quiet resting place. Peace. Safety. Nurture. Comfort.

I just love the imagery of this verse above and I love even more the promise that God makes to us who labour in our home. For we are wise if we do labour to show love and mercy and grace to each other and to make our habitation one of a sanctuary and place of worship through example.

May we not lose sight of the importance of home in the nurturing of ourselves and family. It is worth the effort and the results are guaranteed in the Word of God, for God blesses the habitation of the just. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"The curse of the LORD [is] in the house of the wicked: but he blesseth the habitation of the just. " Proverbs 3:33

The foundation of a happy home

If  I were to sit down with you for a  cuppa and we started to discuss housework,  it wouldn’t take us long to agree  that it can  be terribly boring and monotonous!   It is  thankless and repetitive and  there often is very little instant job satisfaction! I think we would do well to remember something…

Although we tend to find keeping home is often a lonely business, we must consider that housework is indeed a valid occupation and a worthy chore and it is virtually the same the world over. As we start our daily routines, we join millions of people worldwide who must do the same thing if they want to live in a home that is relatively clean and inviting…

Chris and I recently went  around Victoria in a fifth wheeler, driving many long miles, and I remember thinking of the many clothes lines filled with clean clothes along the way. Testimony that someone had taken the time to do it- probably lamenting the tediousness of doing laundry just as we are!

As we passed the high country and it snowed, it was so comforting to see the smoke billowing from the Coonara fires and open fireplaces, again testimony that someone had chopped the wood, prepared the fire and most likely cleaned up the ashes and dusted down sooty places. But be that as it may, the end result would have been worth it. I pondered how cosy it would have been to return home to the warmth of this homestead after facing the extreme cold doing farm chores!

I love collecting graphics of cosy homes and homemaking scenes…and I often reflect on the work behind the well-lit cottages with their chimneys and the kitchen scenes with baked pies cooling at the open kitchen window. Often there is a beloved cat or dog sitting in front of the fire….all making a very captivating homely scene. But have you ever stopped to think that said animals must be fed? Those cooling pies must have been prepared and to do that shopping must have been done and apples peeled….and then there would have been a mountain of dishes to wash!

Every facet of housework actually builds the foundation of a happy home. And tedious as it is, it is something we would do well to embrace with at least a willing spirit, if not a happy heart. I am speaking to myself as I write this, for I am chief among murmuring and indolent homemakers at times…

My personal prayer is that God will help me develop a grateful heart and a willing spirit….I do long to be a good wife and homemaker…so as soon as I complete this post, I am going to bless my home and family with a thoroughly cleaned house. My heart is prepared, and I am willing: I just need God to give me the strength….but I think of the end result and push onwards: the end results will be most gratifying even if short-lived! Cleanliness is the foundation of a happy home.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

“Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully” 1 Timothy 5:14

Pink or blue?

For years we have been listening to feminists’ claptrap about men needing to find their female side and women needing to be more strident and assertive. We have been advised to teach our sons all manner of housekeeping tips and encouraging our daughters to take self-defence lessons and fix their own cars…all in a quest for equality of the sexes! And whilst there is nothing wrong with learning these skills, if this trend is pursued, we will find ourselves crossing gender boundaries.

What have we gained in all this cross-gender teaching? We have put strains on our kids that they weren’t meant to bear! Our sons have become Sensitive New Age Guys with very little backbone or drive and unsure of their sexuality. And our daughters have become Strident Shrill Task Mistresses who look, think, speak and act like men! Women who pursue men and have taken on the sexually aggressive role and men who allow themselves to be wooed!

Despite what the feminists tell you: men and women are not the same. We are created and “wired up” differently. To prove this, a test was done on babies who were crawling or toddling. At the end of a long room, the babies’ mothers were waiting for them, coaxing them to come! In front of the mothers was a barrier about 2 foot high that to the babies was impenetrable. Behind a 2 way mirror, researchers in childhood behaviour were taking notes and filming.

What happened was very interesting! All the babies headed for their mothers as quickly as they could. On reaching the barrier, all of the girl babies stopped, sat down, looked around and cried loudly. They were all terribly distressed and cried piteously with arms up-stretched to their mothers. They looked for aid when their mothers didn’t reach out for them, crying even louder.

The boy babies met the barrier, and seeing Mother wasn’t about to pick them up, immediately set about examining it. Some patted the barrier, some kicked it, some even tasted it and some eventually tried to scale it, but every one of them tried to conquer it! Not one of the boy babies cried or looked distressed but tried to find a way through, over or under the barrier between them and their mothers!

This proved what can be seen in MRI scans. Male and female brains are wired up differently. All the boy babies were proactive, logical thinkers and strategists, while all the girl babies were reactive, emotional and helplessly relied on assistance and reassurance.

These tests proved that we are created as the scriptures say: the male to have dominion over the earth and subdue it, and the female to be protected by the male and to be nurturing. Eve was after all, the mother of all things..

No matter what feminists say, men and women are different. God created men and women to be equal but to have different roles. What the feminists propose is a blending of the sexes so that the roles and characteristics become so blurred that we have asexual people or bi-sexual. Certainly, to pursue feminist’s ideas, we would have a gross trans-gender mess with neither gender acting within the bounds of their created gender or unsure what their role was.

Accepting and understanding God’s Word, we will do our girls the honour of teaching them how to be godly women, wives and mothers, and our sons to be godly men, husbands and fathers. That’s the way our Creator God wants it and that’s how it should be and we have no business trying to change it. The die has been cast at conception and it is good…Pink or blue: it’s not up to you!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks



“Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created” . Genesis 5:2

The joy of a clean home!

                                        

"To the contemporary mind, the idea that happiness depends on good housekeeping might seem quaint or odd. A century or two ago, and in fact until the past few decades, it was taken for granted, and the quality of housekeeping was not beneath the attention of such great novelists as Jane Austen and Leo Tolstoy." -Cheryl Mendelson, Home Comforts: The Art & Science of Keeping House

I think this is true in my own life anyway. When my house runs smoothly and is in order, I feel in control but when it is disorganised or dirty, I feel irritable and unhappy. It is true that most people don't notice housework until it's not done, and that in itself doesn't bolster the home keepers' spirits. However, I have learnt to focus on the end result. It helps me get through the mundane cleaning.

There is a scripture that says that without a vision the people perish and I often equate housework with this verse. Unless we visualise the finished result of a clean house, we will often neglect doing it and miss the mark completely as regards of being a good home keeper. Like it or not, good housekeeping creates happiness. If we lose sight of that, we will be people without a vision!

Funnily enough, when my house is clean and tidy, I find am less anxious and I find it easier to relax as a clean house makes me happy.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Where [there is] no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy [is] he. Proverbs 29:18

Behind closed doors revisited

   

Attention: trigger warning for those who are or were abused!                

She came to our Pastors' wife. Battered and worn out from years of domestic violence and abuse, she looked like a frightened and nervous child. At 34, she had seen more violence and had been on the receiving end of more blows than most people even dreamed about.

Not knowing why exactly she had come, she sought the Pastors wife out for prayer and godly advice, not really expecting anything more than an arm around her and Gods' peace- for she needed Him so desperately!

With her stomach aching and bruised in places one never sees, she told her sad tale of spousal rape, an assault that not only caused much physical damage 5 weeks after major womens' surgery, but which left her terrified of her husband. Sleeping in the bed with him was a torment that birthed nightmares and a feeling of suffocation: an aftermath of him smothering out her screams with her pillow.

What did this hurting woman receive? Certainly not compassion: her ears rang as she was told that he had his needs! After all, 5 weeks is a long time for a man! She replied that she had just had surgery. Stitches. Repairs! She was feeling dreadfully alone and condemned. Especially when she was told that there are other things you could do for him! Oh yes, but not to a cold man who disliked kissing and other displays of affection.

Choking on her tears, the frightened wife told her that she hadn't denied him, had just asked for gentleness this one time. But what followed was the worst rape and rage that she had ever known in her then 18 years of marriage.

Unable to share this in public and afraid to cast her husband in a bad light with her family, she turned to the only place where she could perhaps find her God and feel Him in her life again. A God Who watched silently while she suffered, it seemed to her.

Instead she was thrown to the lions. Shot by her own. Condemned and made to feel ashamed and guilty for the act of a sadistic man. Betrayed and humiliated, she left the Pastors' office after being further admonished to cook better, forgive and forget and to remember that he was an unbeliever thus a 'poor sinner', unable to help himself. Oh yes, and she was to smile! And with a witness like that, he would be sure to come to Christ! It was almost verbatim the advice that Debi Pearl gives in her dangerous book, Created To Be His Helpmeet. And the book hadn't even been written!

Where is this woman today? Well, fortunately, God did meet her in her darkest hour. She cooked better, prayed harder, believed for a miracle of love to be born, stayed for another 7 years and suffered from sleep deprivation and fear. She walked on egg shells but kept believing that God would change her husband.

Finally, unable to keep any food down for fear, she decided that she couldn't bear any more. She timidly approached her husband one night, and asked him to seek marriage counselling or she would be gone in the morning. His response was the same as always: he had done nothing wrong. Marriage counselling was a waste of time he said: indeed, he wouldn't know for he opted not to attend each time a session had been arranged. She told him she would be gone in the morning and he agreed, "OK, go!"

She took only the clothes on her back and her baby photos, carried in two garbage bags for she was afraid to take anything that he would come after her for. She found a church that was compassionate and loving. She divorced him. Four years later, God blessed her with a godly new husband who loves her and who allowed her to start living at the ripe old age of 45! And her children rejoiced for her!

What would this woman say to you if you are abused? She would tell you to use sound judgement and remove yourself and your children from all harm. She would say that you should give your abusive husband time to repent before initiating divorce proceedings, and that you should give God time to work in your husbands' heart.

However, she would say that if there is no change after a few years or if there is threat of him coming after you, that you should consider a divorce. Life is precious and she now knows that we serve a God Who cares deeply about what goes on with His children, even behind closed doors.

I know she would advise you not to take to heart the advice for abused wives from Debi and Michael Pearl in Created To Be His Helpmeet, but to use common sense. She also would tell you to stand strong against the stigma you *may* receive if you divorce: your divorce is a matter between you and God and is not the unpardonable sin. He knows what may go on behind closed doors!

Finally, she would tell you to not suffer in silence and risk death as she did. If you are Christians, she would tell you that domestic violence is not a sole practice of the heathen: it *can* and *does* occur in the Church.

She would be the first to put an arm around you and pray for you, admonishing you to never throw away your confidence that is in Christ: no matter where or when trouble comes, He does see and does care. God calls us to live in peace... that is what she would lovingly tell you. I know this because, that girl was me.

Yes, God hates divorce, but He hates more the violence and treachery that leads to it!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet [is] she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. Malachi 2:14  Here is a link for help if you are abused

Our home: our haven

 

The last few days have seen me taking a renewed interest in cooking and house management.. it's been a time of feeling incredibly blessed.

Our home nurtures us so much. It is so comforting to be here, away from the hustle and bustle of life and just snuggling in  here. 

I have just turned 71 and I can honestly say that contentment and joy have caught me by surprise! 

The longings for adventure and new experiences has waned and I am truly content just following my basic routines and pacing myself between tasks.

In an effort to keep feeling peace in our home, I have stopped viewing news videos regarding the end days and I can say it has worked.

As I work on my computer, I have scriptures or some form of worship music playing. 

I am waiting on the LORD to come for us and while I wait, I keep guard on what exactly comes into our home.

I pray a lot that God will keep me in perfect peace because as the wife in our home, my moods and attitudes shape not only my day, but Chris's

Peace is the first thing to go and it's not necessarily from the words we speak. Attitudes speak volumes.

Our home can be a haven from the world for us and we should try to make it a clean and comfortable place that shields us from the world...  Our home is indeed our haven

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.. Psalm 101:2

Don't play shoot the spouse!

There is a very old, unpleasant and dangerous game around. In it married couples fling insults and put downs, and indulge in innuendo and other tactics that are designed to bring their spouse down.

This game, apart from being utterly unpleasant for others to watch, is guaranteed to cause resentment between spouses and create general ill feeling toward each other, which will permeate all who come in their circles. The game is called Shoot the Spouse! 

Really good contestants in the game will acquire years of practice before finally extinguishing any semblance of respect and love in their affronted spouse. They ideally will have started with snide remarks and sarcasm, gradually building up to full blown insults, punctuated by demands and threats.The really seasoned contestants will have the ability to silence their spouse with a look or gesture, practised over many years of tense stand-offs and silent treatment.

A truly professional and seasoned player of The Game will be able to successfully reduce a spouse to tears or blows, usually dependant on the spouses’ gender. Shoot The Spouse is especially deceptive is the fact that neither player initially appears to be playing as the leading player of the game will be such a consummate player as to ensure that the game will be fully established in its unpleasantness and demoralising affect before the targeted spouse is aware that they have been engaged in play.

Once engaged in Shoot The Spouse, it is often difficult to regain the affronted spouses’ affections as mentioned previously. Therefore, this game is especially conducive to lining divorce lawyers’ and marriage counsellors’ pockets and the end result is that neither player wins!

The makers of Shoot The Spouse advise that only those prepared to lose out on a harmonious home life and happy marriage, should compete in this game. Shoot The Spouse is not a game for those who desire to keep their marriage strong, or for the kind-hearted, but it is highly recommended for those who love to live life on the edge and gamble with each other’s happiness.

Those unwilling to risk or gamble with such high odds of blowing their spouse out of the water and shooting themselves in the foot, are advised not to play Shoot The Spouse!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband." Ephesians 5:33

I love being mistress of my home

Over the years I have spent a lot of time in hospitals with Scheuermann's disease, a spinal disease which caused bad back problems. Whilst spending 2 weeks at a time in traction, flat on my back and unable to move at all, the days would drag out so slowly and my thoughts would naturally turn to home.

In the morning, I would look at my watch and note that it was time for my children to be getting ready for school and I would wonder if their father or grandmother had everything under control and if the children were buying their lunch at the school canteen or taking a cut lunch. Were they missing me? I missed them. Terribly. And as I felt my eyes fill, I knew that I would give anything to be with them, looking after my own household.

Now this was a strange thing to think because I have to be honest and say that I often had suffered from a dislike of homemaking in my younger years and I can remember saying on occasion that I would rather be working outside the home than being trapped there, doing endless loads of washing and changing little bottoms, wiping little noses and washing floors!

But as the long weeks dragged on, punctuated only by bedpans and meals, I realised that life has a way of making us think of those things that truly matter. And as I watched the nurse close the drapes, heralding another long night of snoring patients and torchlight visits by nurses checking on my legs and feet, my heart would almost break longing to be home in my own bed surrounded by my family.

I would fall asleep dreaming and planning of changes that I would make as soon as I got home- ways that I could be a better wife, mother and homemaker. And as soon as the nurse came in at 7am throwing the drapes apart and bringing in the morning medications, my mind would turn to planning new homemaking schedules and better routines and I would find myself pining to be mistress of my home once again.

Sometimes I think God brings things into our lives so that we may learn from them. In my case, my enforced bed rest made me re-evaluate my life and realise that I had the best of life already. Until my back problems, I didn’t really enjoy my role as homemaker- I loved being a wife and mother- but housework- forget it! It took a few bouts of traction to get me to be still long enough to really consider that which is truly important.

And as I finally healed of the disease that ate away all the discs in my lower back, I not only regained my physical strength, but my spiritual strength and I realised that you never know what you have, until it’s gone. For God not only healed my back, but my attitudes. I resumed my homemaking duties with gusto and enthusiasm. I was thankful for the valuable lesson learned-that I love being mistress of my home!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom.  Psalm 90:12

The four little tasks of home by Sharon White

                                 

It  is nice to  have a set routine of  work to do at home.   One can  go  about  the day with  a remembrance of  certain housekeeping duties that are necessary for each day.  Then, during the many breaks for rest, or visiting with guests, or a pleasant talk on the telephone, one finds refreshment and courage to go on.  The times of work and the times of rest, done with quiet courage, provide happiness in our homemaking.

1.  There is the breakfast hour, which includes tea-time. First we prepare the meal and set a table.  I often set up a tray- table and sit in the parlour before anyone else is awake.  I am an early riser so I have my tea while the sun is just beginning to rise.  I enjoy this quiet time of resting from the brief bit of morning work.

Later, when the family has their eggs and toast, or fresh baked muffins with fruit, it is time to do the dishes.   We wash the table and the counters and do the sweeping.   All the work of tidying and making things neat are part of the breakfast duties.

2.  Often, during the morning hours, we do the laundry or the dusting and vacuuming. Each day has its special work.  It may be Wednesday is for washing floors. Perhaps Thursday is for cleaning the bathroom.  The mid-morning hours are a good time for many of us to do these special duties of making a home look pretty.

3.  The Lunch hour is such a wonderful time to stop and rest.  We put out a fresh, clean tablecloth.  I love my white-and-teal checkered cloth.  It looks so homey and old fashioned.  We can set up our plates and napkins. We can do this even if we are just serving grilled cheese sandwiches, pickles, and chips!  It makes the lunch - work like a reward when we sit at that pretty table and rest and eat while we enjoy the family.  Next we do the sweeping and the dishes, much like we did in the morning.

4.  The dinner hour is such a precious time in the day.  I often start working on the evening meal at 3 in the afternoon. I work slowly and take lots of breaks. Sometimes I peel potatoes and start getting a little casserole ready to bake.  Other times I might do much of the work for a pan of lasagna. I like to put these pans of prepared food in the refrigerator and then just take them out to bake when it is just about dinner time.  That way I get a great deal of rest between all the work.

Sitting with the family and hearing the blessing (or the prayer before the meal) is such a peaceful experience.  It is lovely to just sit and enjoy dinner at the end of a long day.  Then the work of tidying, doing the dishes, and sweeping the floor happens.  We make everything look neat and pretty. But I do not like to rush.  I do not want to just "get the work over-with." I take my time and go at a steady pace.  The work of cleaning and accomplishing the beautiful work of making a neat home makes me happy.  It also brings peace.

These four tasks of homemaking do not take a great deal of effort.  They may seem simple and ordinary.  They may seem mundane.  But if we dress up in something pretty, wearing an apron, and keeping our hair up in a pretty style, we may find ourselves enjoying the work.  I have an old blue-and-white gingham apron that I love to wear. It is getting old and ragged. I will have to make a new one this coming fall.  I need a fresh supply of lovely aprons to wear as I do the housekeeping.

When we look extra nice as we do our work, we can find joy in the labor.  Doing the little tasks of keeping house, each day, with a feeling of contentment, will bring a true feeling of comfort and happiness to the family.  It will help them feel welcome and loved in a happy and simple home.  by Mrs Sharon White of the Legacy of Home

 “[To be] discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed”. Titus 2:5 ..

It's all good

I have always sought to live my life according to God's Word, and I have tried to encourage other Christian women in their walk. Over the five years that I have written of God's wonderful plan for us as wives, mothers and homemakers, I have been impressed with how the 5 areas of priority in our lives overlap so much that at times I have had to categorise them by adding all the 5 areas to each post. Let me explain.

Just a quick recap of the five areas of service for the Christian woman and wife in order of priority:

• God


• Husband


• Children


• Home


• Church

We must serve God and have Him first in our life. "He hath shewed thee, O man, what [is] good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?" Micah 6:8

Because everything is spiritual in our life, I have discovered that when we serve our husbands, we are serving Christ. " Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as is fit in the Lord " Colossians 3:18 "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy" 1 Corinthians 7:14

When we look after our home, we are serving God, our husband and our children. "I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." 1 Timothy 5:14

Serving in church or serving in God's Name is important but should not come before all the other 4 priorities are in order. (widows) " well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work" 1 Timothy 5:10

I have found that often I cannot place a post under just one category because it is so closely correlated to the other categories of service. This is because everything in our lives is spiritual. When we consider the umbrella of God's protection as well, we can see that God's plan for our lives is amazing. We have everything here to guide us as wives, mothers and homemakers. We can be sure that we are living our lives in a way that is pleasing to God and in keeping with His Word. 

It is not only comforting to know that God's Word guides us in our daily living, but it is also amazing that we can know with a certainty that God not only approves of us being wives, mothers and homemakers, but that He calls most of us to be that! 

If God has called us to be a wife with all that entails, then let us rejoice in His plan for our life. In doing so, we can be partners with God in His greatest creation: people who will love Him and live for eternity with Him! And we will live an abundant life full of blessings as Christ has promised.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Investing in eternal treasures

Many years ago, I studied Anne Ortlund’s Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman with a group of ladies. We discussed Mrs. Ortlund's ideas and agreed that, apart from a lot of good ideas for us being disciplined in our lives, she was off base regarding our priorities as women. For our priorities are clear in God's Word: 

• God
• Husband
• Children
• Home
• Church
• Outreach

We decided on this in light of Titus 2 and other verses, and I believe that this is, indeed, the best way to prioritise our lives. Outside ministries are fine, provided that your husband agrees and is supportive of it and that your children and household duties are not neglected. Our biggest ministry is to our own family. We shortchange them when we are neglectful of them due to over commitment and tiredness. 

How can it honour the LORD for us to give all our energy to others when our marriages may suffer and our children run wild? We end up giving the first fruits of our energy and commitment to others. I believe that we should see any form of ministry outside the home as secondary to the ministry of Mother and Wife. If duties are in order at home and your husband is not feeling neglected, then I believe you can engage in outside ministry with a happy heart. 

Many women do not see the importance of their role as Mother and Wife and feel frustrated in not being able to participate in outside ministry. God has placed us in a ministry precisely because we are wives and/or mothers. We don't have to be discontented and looking for other ministries...we have our calling already. 

I think placing priorities outside the biblical order jeopardises our happiness in our homes and families, and you can believe me, even service in ministry can be a lonely experience if you have lost those closest to you. When you put God's priorities in order, He is being served first, second, third, fourth, and fifth. He is all in all and in everything you do. 

We need to invest more time in our marriages and families, not less, and to God will be all the glory when we raise godly children--future warriors for the LORD and bearers of His name. 

Enjoy your calling, ladies; you are investing in eternal treasures.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

“See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” Ephesians 5:15-17

Don't feel guilty for being a woman

As a  friend of mine  said, women are  made to feel so guilty for being women- wanting  to marry,  stay  home  and  keep  house  and  mother  our children! We  have  nothing to  thank  the  feminist movement for. .. our identity as women  has  been  trampled  on  and  we who  wish to stay at  home  have had  that dream sullied by strident women who have penis envy!

We women are created to nurture. It is in our nature to pick up a dolly and embrace her from the time we can grasp her and bring her to our chest and lips... it is entirely natural for us to offer that dolly sustenance from a toy bottle or even our breast, in imitation of our mothers feeding younger siblings...

How many of us have received a cup of tea from tiny teacups, sipping it slowly to delight our little hostesses who are still too young to be entrusted with real teapots and teacups?  Or watched the toddler girl trying to tuck her baby into her tiny dolly's pram, covering its head completely and far too young to really tuck her in? -yet her tenderness and concern is charming to watch...

Now the feminists try to tell us that we are responsible for training our daughters to become servile, and meek and weak, forcing them into a life of subservience that thwarts their potential both personally and financially.  It is easy to see that the majority of these feminists have not mothered sons who will toddle up to a dolly and proceed to poke at her eyes and twist her joints and disrobe her in an attempt to see how she works... his interest is one of inquisitiveness.... he too is doing what comes naturally to him. Working things out in a practical way...

Feminists have been instrumental in promoting contraception and abortion on demand.  They have stolen a lot of women's dreams of being mothers and have often lied to them about consequences that they say are  detrimental to them- mostly career achievements that in the end leave them with empty arms and ashes in their mouth. 

Even the married woman is convinced that her desire to be a mother is misplaced, especially if her desire is for a large family, and sadly even in some churches, this is seen to be an ambition that is frowned upon.  Yet God Himself has placed the desire to bear children and to bring children up, in our hearts.  Yet many feel guilty that they have these desires.... desires which are God given and good.

What God considers of great importance, creating a happy home for the raising of children unto Him, with the blessing of marriage and a committed father, is being destroyed by feminists who are often self-proclaimed lesbian man-haters... women who see marriage as a male invention of tyranny and control, and pregnancy as the undesirable biological entrapment of their gender...

From an early age a little girl will often be fascinated by brides and all the trimmings of a wedding, and again this is natural.  Yet feminists have now managed to influence girls to delay getting married or to cohabit without expecting or even wanting to be married, and again we find the women of today who secretly long to be married feeling guilty for desiring something that really is their birthright as women.  Feminism has taken away that which is precious to our identity as women- being a wife and enjoying the security and esteem that being married brings to a woman who loves her man...

Whilst some feminists did marry and have children, most divorced as their feminist ways weren't conducive to a happy marriage.  Still others cohabited but remained voluntarily childless... many took lesbian lovers.. 

Now not everyone is called to be married and mothers, but these feminist women have so trampled on our natural identity as women that young women and girls are feeling guilty for being women!  They are so confused with what they want in life that they are not only guilty that they want marriage, home and children  but that they are also afraid.  They are often forced to excel at school and university in order to provide for themselves, and are often in the position of finding out that even though they do now want marriage and motherhood, that they have left their run too late.  

Thanks to feminism making women guilty and afraid of their womanhood, many women who in the natural scheme of things, should already be wives and mothers, are doomed to remain single.  Or, hearing the biological clock  ticking, they find their only option to at least become mothers limited to a one night stand or artificial insemination.... hardly ideal for the foundation of a new family...

I know this is true because I have an acquaintance who has fallen for the feminists' lies and who now has found herself in exactly that position.... we are waiting to see how she approaches being childless, which incidentally happened to Germaine Greer after she discovered she did in fact want a child but was unable to have one....

All this feminist clap-trap has done nothing for womankind but heap coals of fire on young women's heads. What should be a natural God-given course of life for a woman has been thwarted and defiled... Countless women have actually become victims of feminists' lies and are destined to live out lonely sad lives... lives rich in worldly possessions but poor in those things of eternal value.

I am sorry for the young women today who feel guilty for being a woman.... I pray that they will come to realise that they are victims of feminist women who tried to liberate them from the good things God had for them, but who instead bound them up in chains of regret and longings that they will have to endure for the rest of their lonely lives...

Please ladies, don't let feminists make you feel guilty for being a woman...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, [and to be] a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. Psalm 113:9

Clean enough to be healthy

I have had a perfectionist streak all my life, but in the last twenty or so years of ill health, I have had to learn to be content with a more relaxed approach to my home making.

Where once I would be consumed with (false) guilt because I made our bed without four corner tucks or I had the blankets bumpy on the bed, I have had to make do with a more lenient approach. I simply don't have the energy to do four corner tucks. However, even the bed made up quickly and sporting a lump here or there, is extremely satisfying to me now that I've gotten past the perfectionism.

Mornings are no longer the time for house keeping. I have to fit in what I can over however long it takes me... and be content at the end of the day that I actually got it done...

I no longer allow cleaning schedules to dictate to me what I must achieve in any given day or time frame: it gets done more or less within the schedule but on a time of my choosing. It's the only way a Sacrificial Home Keeper can manage..

In saying that I am no longer a perfectionist, I still like to live in a clean home. For me, there are basic things that are not negotiable. I cannot live my life happily unless these things are clean:

I must be clean.

My clothes must be clean.

My bed must be fresh and clean.

My dishes and cooking utensils must be clean.

I can't stand smelly toilets and these and my bathroom must be clean.

These days I need help to maintain this list of essentials.  I do not go into a spin if a fly has died on my window ledge or there is some dust on my furniture. I have learned to accept white cat fur as a part of being a mother to a white cat. The floors can be in need of a vacuum, but I now have Roombas to do them.  It has been years since I ironed something that only I will see... and I learned years ago that one can sleep on unironed pillowcases... it can be done!

I find cooking, shopping, menu and social planning, washing and folding of clothes, managing finances and being a loving wife to my husband is enough for me to cope with. I know from experience over the years that by not pacing myself, I will crash and burn and my recovery time will need more than an occasional nana nap...

Accepting our limitations is an important part of staying calm in a world that has become anything but. And for most of us Sacrificial Home Keepers, our world is our home. 

One final thought that helped me was remembering what our family doctor once said to me when my children were young: "A home should be clean enough to be healthy, but untidy enough to be happy!"  I am trusting that I have at last put his advice into action.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect. 2 Samuel 22:33

Don't relinquish your role!

As you probably know, in my first 25 year marriage, I was an abused wife. But along with physical abuse, I was daily subjected to disrespect and psychological stress.

By the time I was married for about 15 years, I was broken physically and emotionally. I was in hospital frequently for a spinal disease called Sheurmann's Disease, and for surgery to remove kidney stones. Each time I came home, the disrespect was worse.

After a few years of this, I noticed that my daughter, who was a teenager at the time, was changing her attitude towards me. She became cheeky and sassy and answered me back constantly. Whenever I appealed for some backup from her father, he would defend her. I felt isolated and lonely in my own home.

As she grew older, I noticed that they both talked more than he and I did, and there was a definite bond and camaraderie. I felt like the third wheel.

In the morning I would make my beds and maintain my home, and when my daughter came home from school, she would pull them all back and redo them, stating that they weren't made properly.

Often my ex-husband would come home to unmade beds and he would start screaming at me, swearing and calling me horrid names. He didn't believe me when I told him I had made them and that she had pulled them back for me to make again. Honestly, with my ill health, once a day was enough for me to find the strength to make them.

In the end, I didn't make them, letting her do them when she got home from school. It was just wasting my precious spoons (energy) for nothing- they would be remade and I would get a tongue lashing regardless.

I think this was where the rug was pulled from under my feet. I gradually was treated like a naughty child by both my ex-husband and my eldest daughter. In fact when we were moving house and it was time to choose the colours and tiles etc, they conferred and I was just informed what it would be.

To say that I was not mistress of my own home is an understatement. I was an annoying lazy freeloader according to them. I couldn't work outside the home and they begrudged me anything at all.

When finally I could no longer keep any food down due to fear and depression, and sick of punched arms and bruises, I decided to leave. And in my confusion, I grabbed some clothes pegs with my clothes and this was duly reported to her father who demanded them to be returned.

I don't believe even today that there was any sexual connection with my daughter and her father, but there was a bond that cemented them together, but which excluded me. And I was powerless to change it and my cries for marriage counselling fell on deaf ears. It became too much.

Truly, three in a marriage is never what God intended. Nor did He intend for a man to cleave to his daughter and deny his wife due regard and respect. It is not a normal marriage.

So why do I tell you this? you ask. Because you must find the strength to fight being made an outsider in your role as a wife, mother and home maker. You simply must demand respect from your husband, even if it exhausts you. You must insist on respect from your children.

I wish I had been aware of this earlier and been firmer, but I can only say that I was beaten down so badly by him and chronic illness, that I could hardly stand. Start defending your right to be a wife and a respected mother.  Your role is ordained by God. Don't relinquish it.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

“I will give children to be their princes, and babes shall rule over them.." Isaiah 3:4

Peaceful home making

Can you imagine living in a world where it is still acceptable to stay home with your children, serve your husband, and dare I say it - keep your home? Where marriage, home and motherhood are held in high esteem and the women caring for their families are blessed by and for their efforts? Picture the scene of past eras wherein a young woman usually left the workforce after marriage to serve her husband and keep her home and await the arrival of her children. She was not looked down on at all, rather the role of wife/mother/homemaker was elevated into something to aspire to. For it is an honourable calling.

We all know that the disdain we stay at home wives and mothers feel today from the world (and even some churches) is contrary to the scriptural role, and we know that it wasn't always so. And as more and more women are pressured into having less children and putting their babies into day centres, a lot of women are feeling cheated and discontented. If the truth was told, I truly believe that most of the women in the workforce today would prefer to be at home having more babies and loving their life! Why isn't it like this today? 

Firstly, I believe a lot of women have bought the lie of feminism. We have been buffeted about and overloaded with so much of their rhetoric that we have slowly come to accept a great deal of what they say. Bowing under the pressure of the world, we have become discontented with our God-given role as wife/mother and keeper of our home.

Secondly, I believe women have generally been so highly educated that they are afraid that they will waste it by staying home. I think nothing could be further from the truth. All education is profitable for a woman- especially if she plans to home school her children. This is slowly gaining popularity in Australia, though nowhere near as much as in the States. But the point I am making is that as mothers, we are teachers. Our knowledge will only serve to benefit our family. And make us more interesting to our husbands.

Thirdly, I think in general we have set our sights on worldly things- the biggest home, cars, furnishings, designer clothing and expensive holidays etc. We have been sucked into the worship of the ravenous god of materialism and commercialism. Homemade is no longer good enough, home cooked is often a rarity, home keeping is a rushed chore and a burden- yet even so, home still is the sweetest place to be and always beckons us back. Are working mothers really getting value for their money? No! By the time we add up the work clothes, gas and fares for getting to and from work, the bought lunches, the more expensive packaged foods for faster meals, and last but in no way, least- the childcare centre, we have very little money available for spending. Are we starting to feel a little bit disillusioned? I would guess: yes a tad!

Now I am not naive: I know about mortgages, or renting, I know how hard it is to keep food on the table and clothes on the family's back- but what I know too is that a lot of extraneous spending could be curtailed and it would be far more profitable to stay at home. I know this, because as have previously shared- I did it for a while. It is more profitable not to work outside the home. And infinitely more satisfying for the whole family.

Frugality, budgeting, and cutting one's cloth according to income are not dirty words: they are words of life- family life. With a bit of planning and foresight, I believe a lot of women would be able to stay home and not suffer for it. The tools are planning, budgeting, frugality, wisdom and desire. I believe it is possible still today to manage on one man's wage- if we learn to be content with what we have or to downsize to make staying home with the children feasible. It is a heart issue.

So back to imagination: can you imagine rising and getting your husband off to work, having made him a leisurely breakfast and a cut lunch, guiding your children through bathing, dressing and breakfast in a calm manner, filling them with the best of breakfasts, then homeschooling or sending them to school with a nutritious packed lunch? No frantic last-minute hunt for lost notebooks or library books-or hearing your child read whilst you are hurriedly applying your makeup for work? Or worse still, from the other side of the bathroom door? No, you have had plenty of time last night to do these things and to be organised for the early morning rush. You are looking well to the ways of your own household.

As soon as the children are at school or setting about their lessons at home, you start to work your way through your chores, making beds and doing laundry whilst the crockpot bubbles away with some soup for lunch and the meat defrosts for the evening meal. You know exactly what you are having: you made your menu and shopping list and you are in control! Doesn't it feel good? Tonight when your husband gets home from work, you will be there to greet him with the children working steadily at their homework and the table set and dinner's delicious aroma wafting through the house to welcome him home. And if Dad works late shift, the children will at least get to see him at breakfast instead of being dragged out of their bed at some early hour to go to daycare.

Imagine if this was a reality in your life- would you want it? Thousands of women are turning their back on materialism, small families and feministic ideals and are turning back to God's Word for their lives and families. They are coping and they are gaining strength as a force that is pro-life, pro-family and pro-marriage. Their children are reaping the benefits of having a full-time mother who fills their world with soundness in a world she knows is anything but.

What is the future for the stay-at home mother? I believe job satisfaction: the knowledge that because she has applied herself to live her life according to godly principles and used wisdom, frugality and ingenuity in order to do it. Her marriage is stronger, her children happier and her home easier to manage. She knows that she is really free at last to be all God created her to be- a loving wife, mother and keeper of her home. And she rejoices at the days to come. Her husband is well looked after and well loved, as are her children. She doesn't worry what the world thinks about her life choices- she is following God's plan for her life. And her life is good- for all God's ways are good.

Imagine if all married women vetoed the work force, applied themselves to living frugally and returned home as stay at home wives and mothers…I imagine a lot of people would return to peaceful home making.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." 1 Timothy 5:14

Engagement is the new wedding

Over the years I have noticed a growing trend in both Christian and non-Christian people to prolong their engagement over many years, and often not even to end up marrying. Often there is an engagement party and the couple are asked if they have set a date for their wedding. Usually there is no real indication of when they plan to marry, just a vague wave of the hand and a casual "when we get around to it" attitude.

In biblical times a Jewish betrothal was generally about 12 months. However, the betrothal was as if the couple were married and in fact to break the betrothal would require a divorce. Sexual relations did not take place. Indeed if a betrothed person was found to have had intercourse with someone not their betrothed, they could be stoned for adultery.

A marriage contract was called a Ketubah During this time, the groom would prepare a place for his betrothed wife. There was never any doubt that a marriage would be consummated, but the exact date was usually known only to the groom. The bride stayed with her parents and waited for her groom.

Today, there are no real expectations or enforcements of engagements. They can be broken with a minimum of outward fuss- most fuss being internalised and emotional. Other times, the young couple will just cohabit as if married and there is no wedding ring- ever. But an engagement is not a marriage.

For young Christians who become engaged, the temptation to become sexually involved is strong, and for this reason I believe an engagement shouldn't be prolonged. And just like marriage, an engagement shouldn't be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. Christians are different from the unsaved in that when one gives a promise or their word, we should carry it through.

For those considering marriage, make sure that you are fully intending to marry and that your engagement isn't too long. Impurity and cohabitation are not in God's plan for our life: He wants us to marry and bear precious seed for Him.

Becoming engaged is a promise to marry, not a promise to be exclusively available for a "permanent" relationship, nor is it to be seen as a licence for cohabitation. Betrothal from the earliest times has been seen to precede a marriage.

Everlasting engagements are the gateway to failure in being godly wives and mothers. They can lead to us being left with just our engagement ring and memories, and perhaps, with a baby or two in tow. Engagement is the new wedding.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies. Hosea 2:19