Why I don't read salicious books

There has been a lot of publication of p*rnography for women, such as the trilogy "50 Shades of Grey". It seems every woman was immersed in  it and most had bought all three books.  Even my daughter, who is not an avid reader, had it on her iPhone.

Everyone seemed to be reading this trash. However, I didn't be read  them.  What I have gleaned from comments and hearsay is that it was basically "Mummy p*rn"  A tale of  demeaning sex and sado-masochism.  But most of the young mothers I know were digesting every filthy word of it and jokes abounded that by book three, most husbands would be very happy men with an excess of sexual favours in all kinds of manner!

Why won't I read it? you ask.  I won't read it because I value my God and my marriage too much, and  I have self-respect. As a married woman, I owe it to Chris to keep my thoughts and impulses for him alone.  I would hate to be intimate with him and be imagining Christian (or any other man).... Jesus Himself has warned us against this, saying that to look lustfully at someone not your spouse, is adultery in the heart.  He meant this for women as well...

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Matthew 5:28

As in cyber sex, and sexy chat room relationships, reading pr*rn stirs the carnal side and weakens the intimacy and trust in the marriage union and pervades into our relationship with Christ. Sadly, many Christian women are getting caught up in this sin. And it is not only the married but the single woman. Goodness knows, remaining sexually pure and unstained in this world is hard enough without igniting flames that should not be kindled until marriage..and then again only to be kindled in marriage..

I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake [my] love, till he please. Songs 2:7

Anything that lures ones' mind away from God or ones' spouse creates an opportunity for sinful behaviour.  The formula for sin begins in one's thought life...A thought = a decision =  an action = sin.  I know if Chris was thinking lustfully about another woman, that it would upset me.  He wouldn't do it to me. Likewise, I won't do it to him.

Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. James 1:15 

As a born-again Christian who is redeemed and cleansed by the Blood of Christ, I have too much self-respect- or really, I should say respect of Christ living in me, that I refuse to dwell on sinful things. We are a holy people and have been called to be separate from the world.  

Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you,  2 Corninthians 6:17

I do not want to waste my energies on thinking about licentiousness. Being human means that occasionally one may have a sinful thought- we won't be perfect until we meet the LORD, but that doesn't mean that we should dwell on rubbish. I prefer to dwell on things of Christ.  However, should we dwell on things not worthy of our Saviour,  then we are instructed to train our thoughts away and bring them in line with God and His Word.

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;  2 Corinthians 10:5

It is my hope that any Sisters here will bypass those types of books and any other distractions that take us away from our most important raison d'etre.  Our life is to keep ourselves spiritually pure as we await our Saviour.   So many world events point to His coming soon. We have to stay strong.  In faith. In purity. In Spirit. In prayer.  For we are the Bride of Christ.

For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.

Just as you hopefully would keep yourself pure for your husband, how much more so do we need to keep ourselves pure for Him?  We must guard our hearts carefully at all times,  for out of our heart, comes our life.  

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:24

Don't let the world tell you that reading "Mummy p*rn" is not sin: it is. Our standard for living is not the world's, but God's.   And before you take offence at my words, please know that I too must bring my thoughts into the captivity of Christ.  I don't feed my spirit on garbage. Therefore I won't read 50 Shades of grey or see the movie.

What manner of people ought we to be then?

But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;  Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. Be not ye therefore partakers with them. For ye were sometimes darkness, but now [are ye] light in the Lord: walk as children of light:  (For the fruit of the Spirit [is] in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)  Ephesians 5:3-9

As the Bride of  Christ, when the Bridegroom comes, I don't want Him to find me being wanton, licentious and lewd. I want to be holy and pure for Him.  He deserves that.  

There may be fifty shades of grey, but there is only one shade of white. I choose white!

And that is why I don't read salacious books! (this post was originally posted March 2019)

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Thou hast a few names even in Sardis which have not defiled their garments; and they shall walk with me in white: for they are worthy.  Revelation 3:4

Let the children play!

                             

In the 50 and 60's when I was growing up, we played a good deal of our spare time. Often we played outdoors, making mud pies, making houses in Dad's shed. These houses were not only homes to us, but often were hospitals, churches for weddings, and shops.

Play was often quite physical with the customary games of tiggy chasey, hopscotch, skip jump and marbles and jacks. At school play time we made houses out of stones in the playground. We re-enacted shows on TV such as Flash Gordon and Jet Jackson.

When my children were little, they played similar games to us and I encouraged them by playing with them and making cubby houses for my little girl, Sonia. She would spend many a happy hour making me cups of tea and serving them to me in her tiny china tea service.

Her brother Mark often would jump on her cubby house, trying to fly like Superman, a tea towel tied around his neck. Sonia and Superman would often have a falling out! And later on they were joined by their brother Greg and sister Dianne, getting a ride on the back of their older siblings' trike with the little trailer on the back.

I can still remember with fondness my older son's patience with his baby sister as she toddled up to his cricket bales, knocking them off for the hundredth time, chuckling as he replaced it. She obviously thought that he was doing it for her amusement. They were happy and healthy times.

Today, I have noticed a shift in play. Children don't seem to have much imagination. They get bored easily and need constant stimulation. One child in our family needs a DVD to watch in the car because she gets bored going out and about... bored? I can well remember our fights to have the window seats when Dad borrowed a car for our once a week outing. Everything was exciting!

We had an imagination that came from a natural curiosity with the world, not through constant stimulation of TV, DVD's and X-Box computer games.... There aren't even a lot of children out playing with new bikes and toys in the streets on Christmas morning like days of old. They are too busy being entertained by cyber games and computers. They are getting old and fat before their time.

I saw a documentary recently that said that we must return to the old ways of play, for in them children gained insight to how things worked, and became socially skilled. They learnt many skills both vocal and social and learnt how to co-operate and how to assert themselves without resorting to fighting. They became more confident.

It also found that children who were denied the chance to play with other children or outdoors, lacked the social skills and motor skills found in children who played in the old-fashioned way.

Recently, I have been minding my grandchildren and I have been encouraging them to play out of doors. They have been having a great time riding their scooters, digging in the builder's sand, making mud pies and generally behaving like *children*

It has been good for them and fun for me too. Hearing their laughter reminds me of their mother Dianne and my other now grown children playing as youngsters and it is comforting to know that I am doing them a service by letting the children play.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


And the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing in the streets thereof. Zechariah 8:5 

Cleanliness is next to godliness...

I have a vivid imagination and I love looking at artwork. Sometimes the works just speak to my soul, as is the case with the above artwork.The beauty of the table at the Marriage Supper Of The Lamb spoke to me. The beautiful china, glasses and cutlery, the immaculate table cloth, the perfectly set table thrilled my soul and tantalised my imagination....

As I gazed at the picture, I wondered how we would have reacted if the table hadn't been set properly- you know, like we sometimes do at home? Would a spotted and wrinkled table cloth have the power to draw us into thoughts of heaven and our marriage supper with Christ? How about spots on the glasses and coffee stains in the cups? Honestly, I think it would be a turn off!

I think a less than perfect table and setting would be dishonouring to God.... for like it or not, housekeeping does reflect on the home keeper, for better or worse.There is an old proverb that says that cleanliness is next to godliness...and I think to a certain extent that that is true....

We should endeavour to have our homes clean and comfortable for they not only reflect on ourselves, but also they point to our heart and faith....

A bit extreme! you say? I don't think so. If we are honest with ourselves, don't we silently think less of a woman who lives in filth or dirt? And when that woman is a Christian, don't we wonder about her relationship with Christ if she cannot fulfil her obligations as a homemaker?

I know this to be true, because just such a woman once hosted a Bible Class morning with her home almost making us retch as we sat amongst her doggy smelling carpet and armchairs full of dog fur. Not to mention the kitty litter tray wafting its reek from the nearby laundry.

Offering to help her was not an option as this woman had been helped repeatedly by Sisters in her cell or home group, but never kept up the good work that the Sisters did. She was too busy reading books- Christian books at that.

I believe that this showed a lack of discipline and also a rebellion in doing something she did not want to do: in this case, her housework. My poor Sisters were left feeling slightly used and annoyed. They had cleaned the house a week ago and it should still have been reasonably clean.....

Cleanliness is something we all take for granted....and it is something that isn't noticed until we neglect it. But because cleanliness is symptomatic of our heart attitude and efforts, it also reflects on our walk with the LORD.

Cleanliness is next to godliness as the (non biblical) proverb goes, and reflects on our witness and relationship with God. Let's try to keep our homes and ourselves clean enough to not bring shame on us and dishonour to God!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"Depart ye, depart ye, go ye out from thence, touch no unclean [thing]; go ye out of the midst of her; be ye clean, that bear the vessels of the LORD". Isaiah 52:11

Thoughts of home

I was just being obedient to what my parents saw in me. I was more interested in the things the women in my family, my mom, grandmother and aunt were all about: homemaking and cooking and housekeeping. I wanted to be a housewife and mom.
Gladys Knight

There are practical little things in housekeeping which no man really understands.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Housekeeping ain't no joke Louisa M Alcott

A home in which the housewife sheds tears will be bereft of all prosperity. This is the ancient conception of the role of women in the home. Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Being a housewife and a mother is the biggest job in the world, but if it doesn't interest you, don't do it - I would have made a terrible mother. Katharine Hepburn

I love my house
And the work it gives to me,
The dear tasks of bringing
Ordered dignity to room and hall
Where the shadow and the whisper
Of my loved ones dwell.
I love the banishing of dust,
The corners square and clean,
The windows clear
As the promise of my future days.
I love the small task
Of mending tears and rips,
Seeing again the joy,
Hearing the swift shout and rush
Of happy, running feet.
I love the clothes clean and sweet again,
Smelling of the sun and wind,
Folded in quiet order to await
More joyous play.
I love my dishes stacked neatly row on row,
Order matching gleaming from the
Chaos of the morning meal-
Sitting solemnly, waiting for the
Renewed communal pleasure
They soon will bring again.
I love my house
And all the work it gives to me
That my soul might grow
With discipline and tempered grace.

Source: June 1958 RS Magazine

"The curse of the LORD [is] in the house of the wicked: but he blesseth the habitation of the just" Proverbs 3:33

Engagement is the new wedding

Over the years I have noticed a growing trend in both Christian and non-Christian people to prolong their engagement over many years, and often not even to end up marrying. Often there is an engagement party and the couple are asked if they have set a date for their wedding. Usually there is no real indication of when they plan to marry, just a vague wave of the hand and a casual "when we get around to it" attitude.

In biblical times a Jewish betrothal was generally about 12 months. However, the betrothal was as if the couple were married and in fact to break the betrothal would require a divorce. Sexual relations did not take place. Indeed if a betrothed person was found to have had intercourse with someone not their betrothed, they could be stoned for adultery.

A marriage contract was called a Ketubah During this time, the groom would prepare a place for his betrothed wife. There was never any doubt that a marriage would be consummated, but the exact date was usually known only to the groom. The bride stayed with her parents and waited for her groom.

Today, there are no real expectations or enforcements of engagements. They can be broken with a minimum of outward fuss- most fuss being internalised and emotional. Other times, the young couple will just cohabit as if married and there is no wedding ring- ever. But an engagement is not a marriage.

For young Christians who become engaged, the temptation to become sexually involved is strong, and for this reason I believe an engagement shouldn't be prolonged. And just like marriage, an engagement shouldn't be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. Christians are different from the unsaved in that when one gives a promise or their word, we should carry it through.

For those considering marriage, make sure that you are fully intending to marry and that your engagement isn't too long. Impurity and cohabitation are not in God's plan for our life: He wants us to marry and bear precious seed for Him.

Becoming engaged is a promise to marry, not a promise to be exclusively available for a "permanent" relationship, nor is it to be seen as a licence for cohabitation. Betrothal from the earliest times has been seen to precede a marriage.

Everlasting engagements are the gateway to failure in being godly wives and mothers. They can lead to us being left with just our engagement ring and memories, and perhaps, with a baby or two in tow. Engagement is the new wedding.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies. Hosea 2:19

The litany of everyday life

 

An encouraging excerpt from:  Margret Kim Peterson.

"God is the creator and has given [us the] privilege of imitating and participating in God’s work as creator.

God ... started with chaos and ended with a...beautiful universe.

Housework is all about bringing order out of chaos.

That heap of damply repulsive clothes on the bathroom floor turns into stacks of neatly folded clean laundry in a matter of hours...

a table piled high with junk mail, school papers, and forgotten socks turns into a table neatly set for a meal...

a sack of potatoes ...turns into a dish of mashed potatoes ...

Housework is never "done" in the same sense ... that God's providential involvement in the world is never done." (End of excerpts)

To sum up: We keep house because we love our families. And we won't be all done today. We will wake up again tomorrow, and receive the gift of another day, and the privilege again, of honorable work to fill our hands. We take care of our families, who love and appreciate us in return.

True, some things are more fun to do than others. Making cookies may be more fun than cleaning toilets. But we still clean the toilet. And we don't fall into self pity over it. We even make a game out of it, and it actually can be fun.

After all, every person on earth has parts of their job that are unpleasant and would be avoided if possible.

As homemakers, we are privileged to be servants of all, and Jesus tells us, "The greatest among you is the servant of all".

He himself demonstrated, by subjecting himself to death on the cross for our sins. From Mothers Are At Home

Blessings, Glenys

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. Proverbs 31:15

A home nurtures a woman

Many a woman can testify to the way her home ministers its comfort to her when she comes home after a day's shopping or visiting. Or for the working woman, when she comes home from a day's work. 

It is not unusual for a woman to come home during her lunch break, taking most of her break up in travelling, yet ministered to so deeply by the comfort of being home that she just spends 10 minutes there before returning to work.

This is how God has ordained a home to be... He says that a home should be a peaceful place, and a place of quiet rest. Obviously, it is not always possible to have a quiet home, but what is meant here is a place of peace that quiets the nerves and soul and that is set apart as an oasis of calm in an often turbulent world...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places; Isaiah 32:18

An oasis of calm

 

As you know, we have recently moved. I love this new house more than all the others we have lived in.

We only have one room now that is a work in progress, but the main move is done and dusted. We couldn't be happier..

I have only recently discovered what Hygge means and this new home provides lots of that...

Home's an oasis of calm in a world that's not. It is meant to be a peacable place, a sure dwelling and a quiet resting place. Peace. Safety. Nurture. Comfort.

I would love to show you our new home, so come in- the kettle's on- let me show you through and then have a cuppa with me! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places; Isaiah 32:18 

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

I do not advocate smacking for every tiny infringement that a child makes, and as an abused child, I definitely can see where corporal punishment on a regular basis could lead to raising a nervous child who lacks self-confidence and who exhibits a fearful demeanour.

However, I do believe in the scriptures which admonish us to not spare the rod and ruin the child... and in practice, I have found an occasional but controlled smack over the seat of the pants, does no harm. In fact, it gives children boundaries. And perversely, it makes children feel loved because of it.

I remember a few years ago, my daughter and I went clothes shopping. Her 3 year old son ran amok in Target, knocking clothes off racks and running into people. We tried to restrain him, but he just continued wreaking havoc. People were giving us disgusted looks. Finally, in desperation, my daughter gave her son a quick and controlled smack over his bottom which brought him immediately into line.

Alas, she was confronted with angry looks and tut tuts from fellow shoppers for smacking him! Almost in tears, she remarked loudly enough for them to hear that she was damned if she did, and damned if she didn't smack him to bring him into line. 

Sometimes a smack over the 'seat of learning' works really well... but it is now a sad thing to be afraid to do it for fear of being reported to authorities. I feel sorry for young mums today...they are living in a world which mostly has turned its back on godly wisdom.  We are paying the price by bringing up children who rule us....


© Glenys Robyn Hicks

As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. Isaiah 3:12

Grateful and blessed

I am blessed to have a nice home. So many today are homeless, so even if your home is small and you truly don't love it, it would behoove us to be grateful for it regardless.

Home is the cradle of civilisation. It is the foundation of training, knowledge, shaping our early years and moulding us into the adult we will become.

Home's an oasis of calm in a world that's not. It is meant to be a peacable place, a sure dwelling and a quiet resting place. Peace. Safety. Nurture. Comfort.

I just love the imagery of this verse above and I love even more the promise that God makes to us who labour in our home. For we are wise if we do labour to show love and mercy and grace to each other and to make our habitation one of a sanctuary and place of worship through example.

May we not lose sight of the importance of home in the nurturing of ourselves and family. It is worth the effort and the results are guaranteed in the Word of God, for God blesses the habitation of the just. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"The curse of the LORD [is] in the house of the wicked: but he blesseth the habitation of the just. " Proverbs 3:33

The foundation of a happy home

If  I were to sit down with you for a  cuppa and we started to discuss housework,  it wouldn’t take us long to agree  that it can  be terribly boring and monotonous!   It is  thankless and repetitive and  there often is very little instant job satisfaction! I think we would do well to remember something…

Although we tend to find keeping home is often a lonely business, we must consider that housework is indeed a valid occupation and a worthy chore and it is virtually the same the world over. As we start our daily routines, we join millions of people worldwide who must do the same thing if they want to live in a home that is relatively clean and inviting…

Chris and I recently went  around Victoria in a fifth wheeler, driving many long miles, and I remember thinking of the many clothes lines filled with clean clothes along the way. Testimony that someone had taken the time to do it- probably lamenting the tediousness of doing laundry just as we are!

As we passed the high country and it snowed, it was so comforting to see the smoke billowing from the Coonara fires and open fireplaces, again testimony that someone had chopped the wood, prepared the fire and most likely cleaned up the ashes and dusted down sooty places. But be that as it may, the end result would have been worth it. I pondered how cosy it would have been to return home to the warmth of this homestead after facing the extreme cold doing farm chores!

I love collecting graphics of cosy homes and homemaking scenes…and I often reflect on the work behind the well-lit cottages with their chimneys and the kitchen scenes with baked pies cooling at the open kitchen window. Often there is a beloved cat or dog sitting in front of the fire….all making a very captivating homely scene. But have you ever stopped to think that said animals must be fed? Those cooling pies must have been prepared and to do that shopping must have been done and apples peeled….and then there would have been a mountain of dishes to wash!

Every facet of housework actually builds the foundation of a happy home. And tedious as it is, it is something we would do well to embrace with at least a willing spirit, if not a happy heart. I am speaking to myself as I write this, for I am chief among murmuring and indolent homemakers at times…

My personal prayer is that God will help me develop a grateful heart and a willing spirit….I do long to be a good wife and homemaker…so as soon as I complete this post, I am going to bless my home and family with a thoroughly cleaned house. My heart is prepared, and I am willing: I just need God to give me the strength….but I think of the end result and push onwards: the end results will be most gratifying even if short-lived! Cleanliness is the foundation of a happy home.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

“Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully” 1 Timothy 5:14

Pink or blue?

For years we have been listening to feminists’ claptrap about men needing to find their female side and women needing to be more strident and assertive. We have been advised to teach our sons all manner of housekeeping tips and encouraging our daughters to take self-defence lessons and fix their own cars…all in a quest for equality of the sexes! And whilst there is nothing wrong with learning these skills, if this trend is pursued, we will find ourselves crossing gender boundaries.

What have we gained in all this cross-gender teaching? We have put strains on our kids that they weren’t meant to bear! Our sons have become Sensitive New Age Guys with very little backbone or drive and unsure of their sexuality. And our daughters have become Strident Shrill Task Mistresses who look, think, speak and act like men! Women who pursue men and have taken on the sexually aggressive role and men who allow themselves to be wooed!

Despite what the feminists tell you: men and women are not the same. We are created and “wired up” differently. To prove this, a test was done on babies who were crawling or toddling. At the end of a long room, the babies’ mothers were waiting for them, coaxing them to come! In front of the mothers was a barrier about 2 foot high that to the babies was impenetrable. Behind a 2 way mirror, researchers in childhood behaviour were taking notes and filming.

What happened was very interesting! All the babies headed for their mothers as quickly as they could. On reaching the barrier, all of the girl babies stopped, sat down, looked around and cried loudly. They were all terribly distressed and cried piteously with arms up-stretched to their mothers. They looked for aid when their mothers didn’t reach out for them, crying even louder.

The boy babies met the barrier, and seeing Mother wasn’t about to pick them up, immediately set about examining it. Some patted the barrier, some kicked it, some even tasted it and some eventually tried to scale it, but every one of them tried to conquer it! Not one of the boy babies cried or looked distressed but tried to find a way through, over or under the barrier between them and their mothers!

This proved what can be seen in MRI scans. Male and female brains are wired up differently. All the boy babies were proactive, logical thinkers and strategists, while all the girl babies were reactive, emotional and helplessly relied on assistance and reassurance.

These tests proved that we are created as the scriptures say: the male to have dominion over the earth and subdue it, and the female to be protected by the male and to be nurturing. Eve was after all, the mother of all things..

No matter what feminists say, men and women are different. God created men and women to be equal but to have different roles. What the feminists propose is a blending of the sexes so that the roles and characteristics become so blurred that we have asexual people or bi-sexual. Certainly, to pursue feminist’s ideas, we would have a gross trans-gender mess with neither gender acting within the bounds of their created gender or unsure what their role was.

Accepting and understanding God’s Word, we will do our girls the honour of teaching them how to be godly women, wives and mothers, and our sons to be godly men, husbands and fathers. That’s the way our Creator God wants it and that’s how it should be and we have no business trying to change it. The die has been cast at conception and it is good…Pink or blue: it’s not up to you!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks



“Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created” . Genesis 5:2

The joy of a clean home!

                                        

"To the contemporary mind, the idea that happiness depends on good housekeeping might seem quaint or odd. A century or two ago, and in fact until the past few decades, it was taken for granted, and the quality of housekeeping was not beneath the attention of such great novelists as Jane Austen and Leo Tolstoy." -Cheryl Mendelson, Home Comforts: The Art & Science of Keeping House

I think this is true in my own life anyway. When my house runs smoothly and is in order, I feel in control but when it is disorganised or dirty, I feel irritable and unhappy. It is true that most people don't notice housework until it's not done, and that in itself doesn't bolster the home keepers' spirits. However, I have learnt to focus on the end result. It helps me get through the mundane cleaning.

There is a scripture that says that without a vision the people perish and I often equate housework with this verse. Unless we visualise the finished result of a clean house, we will often neglect doing it and miss the mark completely as regards of being a good home keeper. Like it or not, good housekeeping creates happiness. If we lose sight of that, we will be people without a vision!

Funnily enough, when my house is clean and tidy, I find am less anxious and I find it easier to relax as a clean house makes me happy.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Where [there is] no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy [is] he. Proverbs 29:18

Behind closed doors revisited

   

Attention: trigger warning for those who are or were abused!                

She came to our Pastors' wife. Battered and worn out from years of domestic violence and abuse, she looked like a frightened and nervous child. At 34, she had seen more violence and had been on the receiving end of more blows than most people even dreamed about.

Not knowing why exactly she had come, she sought the Pastors wife out for prayer and godly advice, not really expecting anything more than an arm around her and Gods' peace- for she needed Him so desperately!

With her stomach aching and bruised in places one never sees, she told her sad tale of spousal rape, an assault that not only caused much physical damage 5 weeks after major womens' surgery, but which left her terrified of her husband. Sleeping in the bed with him was a torment that birthed nightmares and a feeling of suffocation: an aftermath of him smothering out her screams with her pillow.

What did this hurting woman receive? Certainly not compassion: her ears rang as she was told that he had his needs! After all, 5 weeks is a long time for a man! She replied that she had just had surgery. Stitches. Repairs! She was feeling dreadfully alone and condemned. Especially when she was told that there are other things you could do for him! Oh yes, but not to a cold man who disliked kissing and other displays of affection.

Choking on her tears, the frightened wife told her that she hadn't denied him, had just asked for gentleness this one time. But what followed was the worst rape and rage that she had ever known in her then 18 years of marriage.

Unable to share this in public and afraid to cast her husband in a bad light with her family, she turned to the only place where she could perhaps find her God and feel Him in her life again. A God Who watched silently while she suffered, it seemed to her.

Instead she was thrown to the lions. Shot by her own. Condemned and made to feel ashamed and guilty for the act of a sadistic man. Betrayed and humiliated, she left the Pastors' office after being further admonished to cook better, forgive and forget and to remember that he was an unbeliever thus a 'poor sinner', unable to help himself. Oh yes, and she was to smile! And with a witness like that, he would be sure to come to Christ! It was almost verbatim the advice that Debi Pearl gives in her dangerous book, Created To Be His Helpmeet. And the book hadn't even been written!

Where is this woman today? Well, fortunately, God did meet her in her darkest hour. She cooked better, prayed harder, believed for a miracle of love to be born, stayed for another 7 years and suffered from sleep deprivation and fear. She walked on egg shells but kept believing that God would change her husband.

Finally, unable to keep any food down for fear, she decided that she couldn't bear any more. She timidly approached her husband one night, and asked him to seek marriage counselling or she would be gone in the morning. His response was the same as always: he had done nothing wrong. Marriage counselling was a waste of time he said: indeed, he wouldn't know for he opted not to attend each time a session had been arranged. She told him she would be gone in the morning and he agreed, "OK, go!"

She took only the clothes on her back and her baby photos, carried in two garbage bags for she was afraid to take anything that he would come after her for. She found a church that was compassionate and loving. She divorced him. Four years later, God blessed her with a godly new husband who loves her and who allowed her to start living at the ripe old age of 45! And her children rejoiced for her!

What would this woman say to you if you are abused? She would tell you to use sound judgement and remove yourself and your children from all harm. She would say that you should give your abusive husband time to repent before initiating divorce proceedings, and that you should give God time to work in your husbands' heart.

However, she would say that if there is no change after a few years or if there is threat of him coming after you, that you should consider a divorce. Life is precious and she now knows that we serve a God Who cares deeply about what goes on with His children, even behind closed doors.

I know she would advise you not to take to heart the advice for abused wives from Debi and Michael Pearl in Created To Be His Helpmeet, but to use common sense. She also would tell you to stand strong against the stigma you *may* receive if you divorce: your divorce is a matter between you and God and is not the unpardonable sin. He knows what may go on behind closed doors!

Finally, she would tell you to not suffer in silence and risk death as she did. If you are Christians, she would tell you that domestic violence is not a sole practice of the heathen: it *can* and *does* occur in the Church.

She would be the first to put an arm around you and pray for you, admonishing you to never throw away your confidence that is in Christ: no matter where or when trouble comes, He does see and does care. God calls us to live in peace... that is what she would lovingly tell you. I know this because, that girl was me.

Yes, God hates divorce, but He hates more the violence and treachery that leads to it!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet [is] she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. Malachi 2:14  Here is a link for help if you are abused

Our home: our haven

 

The last few days have seen me taking a renewed interest in cooking and house management.. it's been a time of feeling incredibly blessed.

Our home nurtures us so much. It is so comforting to be here, away from the hustle and bustle of life and just snuggling in  here. 

I have just turned 71 and I can honestly say that contentment and joy have caught me by surprise! 

The longings for adventure and new experiences has waned and I am truly content just following my basic routines and pacing myself between tasks.

In an effort to keep feeling peace in our home, I have stopped viewing news videos regarding the end days and I can say it has worked.

As I work on my computer, I have scriptures or some form of worship music playing. 

I am waiting on the LORD to come for us and while I wait, I keep guard on what exactly comes into our home.

I pray a lot that God will keep me in perfect peace because as the wife in our home, my moods and attitudes shape not only my day, but Chris's

Peace is the first thing to go and it's not necessarily from the words we speak. Attitudes speak volumes.

Our home can be a haven from the world for us and we should try to make it a clean and comfortable place that shields us from the world...  Our home is indeed our haven

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.. Psalm 101:2

Don't play shoot the spouse!

There is a very old, unpleasant and dangerous game around. In it married couples fling insults and put downs, and indulge in innuendo and other tactics that are designed to bring their spouse down.

This game, apart from being utterly unpleasant for others to watch, is guaranteed to cause resentment between spouses and create general ill feeling toward each other, which will permeate all who come in their circles. The game is called Shoot the Spouse! 

Really good contestants in the game will acquire years of practice before finally extinguishing any semblance of respect and love in their affronted spouse. They ideally will have started with snide remarks and sarcasm, gradually building up to full blown insults, punctuated by demands and threats.The really seasoned contestants will have the ability to silence their spouse with a look or gesture, practised over many years of tense stand-offs and silent treatment.

A truly professional and seasoned player of The Game will be able to successfully reduce a spouse to tears or blows, usually dependant on the spouses’ gender. Shoot The Spouse is especially deceptive is the fact that neither player initially appears to be playing as the leading player of the game will be such a consummate player as to ensure that the game will be fully established in its unpleasantness and demoralising affect before the targeted spouse is aware that they have been engaged in play.

Once engaged in Shoot The Spouse, it is often difficult to regain the affronted spouses’ affections as mentioned previously. Therefore, this game is especially conducive to lining divorce lawyers’ and marriage counsellors’ pockets and the end result is that neither player wins!

The makers of Shoot The Spouse advise that only those prepared to lose out on a harmonious home life and happy marriage, should compete in this game. Shoot The Spouse is not a game for those who desire to keep their marriage strong, or for the kind-hearted, but it is highly recommended for those who love to live life on the edge and gamble with each other’s happiness.

Those unwilling to risk or gamble with such high odds of blowing their spouse out of the water and shooting themselves in the foot, are advised not to play Shoot The Spouse!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband." Ephesians 5:33

I love being mistress of my home

Over the years I have spent a lot of time in hospitals with Scheuermann's disease, a spinal disease which caused bad back problems. Whilst spending 2 weeks at a time in traction, flat on my back and unable to move at all, the days would drag out so slowly and my thoughts would naturally turn to home.

In the morning, I would look at my watch and note that it was time for my children to be getting ready for school and I would wonder if their father or grandmother had everything under control and if the children were buying their lunch at the school canteen or taking a cut lunch. Were they missing me? I missed them. Terribly. And as I felt my eyes fill, I knew that I would give anything to be with them, looking after my own household.

Now this was a strange thing to think because I have to be honest and say that I often had suffered from a dislike of homemaking in my younger years and I can remember saying on occasion that I would rather be working outside the home than being trapped there, doing endless loads of washing and changing little bottoms, wiping little noses and washing floors!

But as the long weeks dragged on, punctuated only by bedpans and meals, I realised that life has a way of making us think of those things that truly matter. And as I watched the nurse close the drapes, heralding another long night of snoring patients and torchlight visits by nurses checking on my legs and feet, my heart would almost break longing to be home in my own bed surrounded by my family.

I would fall asleep dreaming and planning of changes that I would make as soon as I got home- ways that I could be a better wife, mother and homemaker. And as soon as the nurse came in at 7am throwing the drapes apart and bringing in the morning medications, my mind would turn to planning new homemaking schedules and better routines and I would find myself pining to be mistress of my home once again.

Sometimes I think God brings things into our lives so that we may learn from them. In my case, my enforced bed rest made me re-evaluate my life and realise that I had the best of life already. Until my back problems, I didn’t really enjoy my role as homemaker- I loved being a wife and mother- but housework- forget it! It took a few bouts of traction to get me to be still long enough to really consider that which is truly important.

And as I finally healed of the disease that ate away all the discs in my lower back, I not only regained my physical strength, but my spiritual strength and I realised that you never know what you have, until it’s gone. For God not only healed my back, but my attitudes. I resumed my homemaking duties with gusto and enthusiasm. I was thankful for the valuable lesson learned-that I love being mistress of my home!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom.  Psalm 90:12

The four little tasks of home by Sharon White

                                 

It  is nice to  have a set routine of  work to do at home.   One can  go  about  the day with  a remembrance of  certain housekeeping duties that are necessary for each day.  Then, during the many breaks for rest, or visiting with guests, or a pleasant talk on the telephone, one finds refreshment and courage to go on.  The times of work and the times of rest, done with quiet courage, provide happiness in our homemaking.

1.  There is the breakfast hour, which includes tea-time. First we prepare the meal and set a table.  I often set up a tray- table and sit in the parlour before anyone else is awake.  I am an early riser so I have my tea while the sun is just beginning to rise.  I enjoy this quiet time of resting from the brief bit of morning work.

Later, when the family has their eggs and toast, or fresh baked muffins with fruit, it is time to do the dishes.   We wash the table and the counters and do the sweeping.   All the work of tidying and making things neat are part of the breakfast duties.

2.  Often, during the morning hours, we do the laundry or the dusting and vacuuming. Each day has its special work.  It may be Wednesday is for washing floors. Perhaps Thursday is for cleaning the bathroom.  The mid-morning hours are a good time for many of us to do these special duties of making a home look pretty.

3.  The Lunch hour is such a wonderful time to stop and rest.  We put out a fresh, clean tablecloth.  I love my white-and-teal checkered cloth.  It looks so homey and old fashioned.  We can set up our plates and napkins. We can do this even if we are just serving grilled cheese sandwiches, pickles, and chips!  It makes the lunch - work like a reward when we sit at that pretty table and rest and eat while we enjoy the family.  Next we do the sweeping and the dishes, much like we did in the morning.

4.  The dinner hour is such a precious time in the day.  I often start working on the evening meal at 3 in the afternoon. I work slowly and take lots of breaks. Sometimes I peel potatoes and start getting a little casserole ready to bake.  Other times I might do much of the work for a pan of lasagna. I like to put these pans of prepared food in the refrigerator and then just take them out to bake when it is just about dinner time.  That way I get a great deal of rest between all the work.

Sitting with the family and hearing the blessing (or the prayer before the meal) is such a peaceful experience.  It is lovely to just sit and enjoy dinner at the end of a long day.  Then the work of tidying, doing the dishes, and sweeping the floor happens.  We make everything look neat and pretty. But I do not like to rush.  I do not want to just "get the work over-with." I take my time and go at a steady pace.  The work of cleaning and accomplishing the beautiful work of making a neat home makes me happy.  It also brings peace.

These four tasks of homemaking do not take a great deal of effort.  They may seem simple and ordinary.  They may seem mundane.  But if we dress up in something pretty, wearing an apron, and keeping our hair up in a pretty style, we may find ourselves enjoying the work.  I have an old blue-and-white gingham apron that I love to wear. It is getting old and ragged. I will have to make a new one this coming fall.  I need a fresh supply of lovely aprons to wear as I do the housekeeping.

When we look extra nice as we do our work, we can find joy in the labor.  Doing the little tasks of keeping house, each day, with a feeling of contentment, will bring a true feeling of comfort and happiness to the family.  It will help them feel welcome and loved in a happy and simple home.  by Mrs Sharon White of the Legacy of Home

 “[To be] discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed”. Titus 2:5 ..