At the end of the day

 

I have a heart blockage between 2 stents that needs to be addressed. They botched my two angiograms- the entrance of my femoral artery and the entrance into my heart was damaged, and the followup angiogram thrombosed my right radial artery which has a very weak pulse and that was 18 years ago. So I refused the procedure.

I have had stable angina recently and I know somethings going on there, but I am trusting the LORD for keeping me alive. And if not, I will be with Him.

I pray that Jesus comes for us sooner rather than later. I am ready..

I probably sound depressed but I am not. I am a realist though... and sometimes that comes across as defeatist. But we are more than conquerors. I remind myself of that often... Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. Romans 8:37

We’re not depressed when we know where we’re going and Who is in control.

I am petrified of another angiogram with lasting injuries... I got lymphedma in the leg and arm they tinkered with... a painful lasting after effect still evident 18 years later.

Whether He takes me now or raptures me, I know I will be with God. That's all that really matters at the end of the day, isnt it?

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.. 2 Corinthians 4:16 

Empty buckets

 

I did an enneagram test for fun the other day. It said I was a 2 which basically is a helper who needs to be needed. It sounds like me. Or the past me.

Always trying to help and indeed, called on often in time of trouble, it has been my pleasure to respond to the call. Until recently.

Since we had so many changes in the last 12 months, I have found my spoons are lacking. I cry easily, both when I am sad and also when happy. I hunger for solitude and just watching the bird life around us. I need time to heal not only from the meniscus tear in my knees and my lymphedema, but emotionally. I am tired. 

I am indeed grateful to the LORD for so much.  I love to listen to the Bible on You Tube and I play hymns in the background most of the day. Prayer is often ongoing for hours and I am gradually finding peace again.

It's good that we are now retired as there are days when the fibromyalgia flares and I can't stay awake, and I now just go to bed and have a nana nap whenever it is necessary. 

It has taken me 72 years to realise that it is true that 

1. I am not responsible for fixing everything or everyone who is broken. But I can pray for them.
2. It is OK to say no if I honestly can't cope with a request. I don't have to feel guilty 
3. It is OK to admit to being over something and not to be stoic and push myself mercilessly

It is important to recognise burn out and to take steps to heal. Taking care of yourself is not being selfish. There will be time after your healing to be a helper again. Not recognising burn out will result in you having a physical or emotional meltdown. And no one is going to benefit if you have lost your joie de vivre or your milk of human kindness is dried up and you have only empty buckets to give.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat. Mark 6:31

Footnote: since writing this post, I have learned that enneagrams originated from new age practices and automatic writing. I will not be doing any quizzes etc regarding this again. Thank you, Janine for making me aware of this.