Showing posts with label Prodigals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prodigals. Show all posts

I would still sit alone


When I was working in an office about 20 years ago, we would all take our lunch together in the tea room.  We ate and chatted and sometimes one particular very self opiniated woman would preside over our talks.

She was very proud of her son who had graduated as a pharmacist and who had his own pharmacy. We saw no harm in that: we would have been proud of his achievements if he was our own son. But one day, she overstepped the mark and upset quite a few women at the table. Myself included.

One of the conversations centred around drug addicts and she declared them all to be a waste of space and definitely would be better off overdosing and dying and getting it over with. 

At the time I was a mother of two drug addicted sons who I love dearly and pray for daily with the gut wrenching and desperate prayers that only a mother prays- I took exception to that.

With my stomach turning ill, I picked up my sandwich and took my cup of  tea out of the tea room and ate and drank it in my car. She really was too much. I wanted my sons to be delivered and live.

From that day on, I avoided eating my lunch in the tearoom, especially if she was there, but one day I was asked by my boss to make him a coffee, and one of my former lunchtime companions was there.

She asked me directly why I never ate with the women anymore and I told her the truth. I told her that so and so was so hurtful in the things she says and so prideful of her son that she had no consideration that there may be mothers there with prodigal and wayward children who were also drug addicted.

To my surprise, she shared that she too was no longer taking her lunchbreak with so and so because she too had a drug addicted son and it was just too painful to consider that he was better off overdosing.

I said that I was praying for my sons and that I live in fear that they will overdose and I cannot sit and listen to her without feeling sick to the stomach.

She agreed and said that was why she too took her lunchbreak in her car away from her as well. We both agreed that one had to be feeling strong to listen to her raving.

One who doesn't have wayward or prodigal children like so and so had, can not imagine the constant fear when the phone rings that it will be news that her child has indeed overdosed. It gnaws at a mother's heart constantly.

As a Christian, all life is precious and all drug addicts have been enticed by carnal desires and instant gratification and this is something that is very hard to break from. Even with the LORD. Such is the hold from drugs that many have succumbed to their addiction praying for deliverence. And they are saved. They are, because Jesus died for our past, present and future sin. And addiction is sin.

There is hope in Christ and today one of my sons has broken from addiction and can testify that God heard my prayers. I continue to pray for the other who battles with it even while loving the LORD.

To tell me that either of these sons or even your son or daughter who battles drug or alcohol addictions is better off dead is evil. It limits God's ability to heal and deliver us and negates His Blood, and sees only successful humans as worthy of that. None of us are worthy but are sinners saved by Grace.

Nothing has changed my mind about her and people like her: if I turned back the clock, I would still sit alone.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks


For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. Romans 14:8


Backslidden children: God gently leads them back.

 

As mothers and grandmothers,  we often feel like failures when our children stop following the LORD and are backslidden.  In  spite of training our children and  teaching them about the LORD,  they seem to be departing from The Way and it can send us into a panic.

I can understand how you can feel a failure,  but  your children  have to make certain decisions for themselves as they grow up. Walking the path of faith is a deeply personal daily choice. We cannot make them believe nor can we save them.

The  five children I bought up (from ages 49-43 plus a grandchild now 29)  have  been brought up in the faith. My  own children  made a confession of  faith when young and were all baptised by immersion.  Two of them are now living for the LORD and two of them are backslidden but still consider themselves believers. My first  grandchild is agnostic, almost a believer. 

All we can do in spite of  outward appearances is keep praying for God to change them. We as loving  mothers or grandmothers don't know what work God is doing in  their heart.  We know that the Holy Spirit convicts  us of sin,  and we have to allow Him to do the work.  Often  trying to be the Holy Spirit just causes  rebellion and hurt feelings and we just get in His way.

There was a stage I thought that none of them believed, but praise God, what was taught them from their youth has  resurfaced.  So I  encourage you not to blame yourself either and to  keep praying and  believing  that your prodigals  or backsliders will walk in The Way.  God often meets them in the wilderness and gently leads them back on the Straight Path..


© Glenys Robyn Hicks


The soul that sinneth,  it shall die.  The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him. Ezekiel 18:20

Backslidden children: God gently leads them back.

As mothers and grandmothers,  we often feel like failures when our children stop following the LORD and are backslidden.  In  spite of training our children and  teaching them about the LORD,  they seem to be departing from The Way and it can send us into a panic.

I can understand how you can feel a failure,  but  your children  have to make certain decisions for themselves as they grow up. Walking the path of faith is a deeply personal daily choice. We cannot make them believe nor can we save them.

The  five children I bought up (from ages 49-43 plus a grandchild now 29)  have  been brought up in the faith. My  own children  made a confession of  faith when young and were all baptised by immersion.  Two of them are now living for the LORD and two of them are backslidden but still consider themselves believers. My first  grandchildren is agnostic, almost a believer. 

All we can do in spite of  outward appearances is keep praying for God to change them. We as loving  mothers or grandmothers don't know what work God is doing in  their heart.  We know that the Holy Spirit convicts  us of sin,  and we have to allow Him to do the work.  Often  trying to be the Holy Spirit just causes  rebellion and hurt feelings and we just get in His way.

There was a stage I thought that none of them believed, but praise God, what was taught them from their youth has  resurfaced.  So I  encourage you not to blame yourself either and to  keep praying and  believing  that your prodigals  or backsliders will walk in The Way.  God often meets them in the wilderness and gently leads them back on the Straight Path..


© Glenys Robyn Hicks


The soul that sinneth,  it shall die.  The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him. Ezekiel 18:20

A letter for parents of prodigals

My husband and I have experienced the reality of knowing, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth” 3 John 4 Our two daughters professed Christ at an early age, witnessed in their schools, traveled on mission trips, and embarked into adult life with a passion for Christ. Our family life has been built around joy and laughter; and even through the teen years, we enjoyed close family times backpacking and ministering together here and abroad. The girls have been characterized as leaders, constantly encouraging and challenging those around them to live their Christian beliefs.

It always brought us great joy knowing that our children were walking in the truth. Then one bought into a lie. Now we see the flip side to the above verse; there is no greater sorrow than seeing your children walk in a lie. Since our daughter’s ungodly choices, we have grieved for the loss of our close family relationships, for our witness in our community and family, over the eventual consequences of her decisions, and even grieved that God would allow this to happen.

Our joy, peace, energy, and focus have been drained and replaced with despair, anger, fatigue and distraction. We have been plagued by questions. How could this happen? What should we do? What would influence her? How should we respond? Our close family was thrown into crisis; joy turned to sorrow, and lies twisted truth. The parable of the prodigal son has become a real and personal journey with a precious, yet prodigal, daughter.

At one point in this heavy journey, I had a mental picture of us facing our prodigal daughter, she standing with her back to us. We were pleading and begging for her to turn around, listen to God’s Word, and recognize the lies. Then the focus shifted and God was standing behind me, my back turned to Him, and He was calling me to turn around and to recognize the lies. God was trying to get my attention while I was trying to get my daughter’s attention. Her lies were different from mine, but nonetheless I had also been ensnared by lies. God was pleading with me to recognize and accept His truth in my own life.

God’s truth needs to be sorted from the enemy’s lies.

I cannot allow my daughter’s actions to define me, but I can, through God’s help, allow them to refine me. Through godly counsel and His Word, the truth is being sifted from the enemy’s subtle and pervasive lies. The refinement process is not complete, but I have identified, examined, and discarded the following lies:

Lie #1: What if?

The enemy loves to get us into the “what if” or blame game. What if I had been more persuasive? What if I had counseled her with more studied words? What if I had been more discerning? What if I had just been a better mom? I was consumed with analyzing every nuance over the past years, reviewing my interactions, and questioning my role as both mother and wife.

My analytical thoughts became paralyzing and I spiraled downward into a pit of remorse and inadequacy. Slowly through the slime, I began to see that it is not all about me. My eloquence or lack of it, my parenting skills or lack of them, will not ultimately change a heart. That is the Holy Spirit’s job. I can be obedient to God’s direction. I can do the best I can in parenting and counseling. But the ultimate work is God’s. My pleas will not bring a prodigal into right thinking, right living, or right decisions.

Our daughter made this choice in spite of Scripture, godly models, and counsel, and she will also reap the consequences of her choice. Ezekiel 18:20 reminds us that “…the son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.” I can neither accept the blame nor take the credit. The “what ifs” must cease because they are not from God.

Lie #2: If you parent well enough, your child will not make ungodly choices.

When my daughter turned away from her firm foundation, I questioned how this could happen to my family. Subconsciously and incorrectly, I presumed that Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” guaranteed a child’s godly choices. The Lord showed me, through my own heartache, that I have wrongly judged others and their parenting ability. I thought if someone had a child not walking with the Lord, it was always a direct reflection on their parenting skills. Now on the other side with a wayward daughter, I realize the lie and repent of my judgment of others. Godly parenting does not guarantee a godly child.

Lie #3: My prodigal adult child disqualifies me for ministry.

One of the qualifications listed in 1 Tim. 3:4 for an overseer is to “manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.” This does not refer to adult children. But Satan wants to fuel our insecurities, have us focus on our inadequacies, and cripple our ministries. Instead of stepping out of ministry, we should step up to be used by God. The more open and transparent we are in our parenting journey, the more dependent we are on Him for strength, and the more opportunities there will be for us to minister.

During the painful times of answering concerned inquires about our daughter, has emerged a new openness for those sharing similar burdens. One embarrassing instance of addressing pointed questions at a neighborhood party resulted in a phenomenal opportunity to share God’s truth. Leadership is not about being perfect individuals. It is about being humbly obedient and available. Transparency and vulnerability can make us better servant ministers.

Lie #4: God is powerless to intervene.

Somewhere in this extended battle, I crossed the line from believing God would not act to believing God could not act. I fell prey to the lie that God could not change our daughter’s mind or way. My personal systematic theology had me spinning in circles around God’s sovereignty and the free will of man. The Lord had chosen to not answer my fervent prayers to radically intervene in our daughter’s life. Since faith and hope are intricately entwined, I was hopeless.

My view of God was too small. I do not understand how God’s sovereignty and free will work, but I have become convinced that God is so much bigger than we can ever imagine. He can and will intervene if He so chooses. This mom needs to trust more, worry less, and stop trying to figure everything out. He is God and I am not! My God, our God, is a God of hope that fills us with all joy and peace as we trust in Him (Rom. 15:13), and He is more than able to do great things.

This mother’s journey in parenting a prodigal is far from over. The hurt and sadness are still very real and close. But as the Lord has revealed the insidiousness of the enemy’s lies, the burden has become more manageable. Now I can focus on what I am learning and not on what my daughter should be learning. This was reiterated during a recent visit. We were scheduled to rendezvous with our precious prodigal after church.

The sermon was unexpectedly all too relevant: “Grace Demands a Death.” The pastor pointed out that if we are to extend grace, as Christ did, we must also experience death. As parents, we need to die to our dreams, our desires, and our expectations for our children. We need to love them unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. Still stirred from this poignant message, we exited the church building and saw our daughter standing on the far side of the parking lot.

My husband ran to our cold, stiff daughter, standing sullenly by the car, and wrapped her in a warm, loving hug. That was our best visit to date! My hope has been renewed; He is restoring my soul. Like Habakkuk, I will wait and keep watch from the ramparts to see what the Lord will do. God is in control and He loves us and our prodigals dearly. author unknown

I didn't write this article, but as a mother of a prodigal, I found this article very truthful and helpful. To all parents of prodigals I say, "Don't look inward, behind or forward- just keep looking up! And remember that Jesus loves your child as much as you do!"

Blessings, Glenys

“Bear one another burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ” Galatians 6:2

Prayers for a prodigal


Somewhere the poor mother of a prodigal cries, her eyes reddened and not seeing much at all,
For she’s seeing her child through the eyes of love not how the world sees it at all…
For somewhere the mother of a prodigal prays…O how this poor mother prays...


For every thief is some poor mother’s child,  he has captured her heart in love’s ransom-
Yet to her she still sees the child of her youth; but he’s stolen all of her dreams…
For somewhere the mother of a prodigal prays…O how this poor mother prays...


Desperately and frantically the murderer flees, yet from this one thing he can’t ever flee-
The love of his mother bowed in sorrow, bemoaning a love he can’t kill…
For somewhere the mother of a prodigal prays…O how this poor mother prays...


For every trembling junkie finally taking a fix there’s a hurting mother just wondering why
The life that she gave him just isn’t enough; and she bows her head slowly and cries…
For somewhere the mother of a prodigal prays…O how this poor mother prays.


The gavel thumps and the sentence is passed, she is ushered out as her son’s led away.
As tears flow down each side of her face she still finds the strength to pray…
For somewhere the mother of a prodigal prays…O how this poor mother prays.


So for every news article that you ever read of  kids that have gone their own way,
Remember that they have a mother who cares and lift her to God when you pray…
For somewhere the mother of a prodigal prays…O how this poor mother prays.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


“Bear one another burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ” Galatians 6:2 

Thoughts for those who love a prodigal


God has blessed me so much with giving me life to see my grandchildren accepting Him one by one. And He gives me the strength to continue praying and believing for my grown children who need to rededicate their life to Christ and for those grandchildren who are not yet in the Kingdom.I became a grandmother at 39, twelve years into my walk with  Christ, and each grandchild was prayed for the first time I held them.

Every day since then, they have been in my prayers and it has been a long path. But He continues to watch over some who are still in bad times. He has been faithful, and has brought quite a few through the most harrowing times, and delivered them..I have had periods of estrangement to my children at times which has been as painful as a death, but God has brought them back into my arms. They never left my heart. 

And so I would encourage you today to never give up and to continue praying. My path is not over but my purpose as a Mum and Nan is to keep praying for them...Don’t let shame get in the way of the LORD continuing a good work in your life, but learn to trust in Him and be comforted by Him during your trials. Continue your own walk in the faith. By so doing, you will not give the Evil One another advantage: you losing your faith and witness as well as your child.... however temporary or permanent that may turn out to be. 

Ezekiel 18:20 reminds us that “…the son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.” I can neither accept the blame nor take the credit. Guilt must cease because they are not from God.

I don't mean to sound like I "have it all" or "have arrived"- the LORD knows, I don't- and I don't know it all either..I am just sharing some thoughts that have helped me in the difficult times in my life as the mother of a prodigal.

To all parents of prodigals I say, "Don't look inward, behind or forward- just keep looking up! And remember that Jesus loves your child as much as you do!" As parents, we need to die to our dreams, our desires, and our expectations for our children. We need to love them unconditionally, expecting nothing in return.  Trust Christ to woo your child to Him and back into your arms! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks 

[There is] therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1