I did an enneagram test for fun the other day. It said I was a 2 which basically is a helper who needs to be needed. It sounds like me. Or the past me.
Always trying to help and indeed, called on often in time of trouble, it has been my pleasure to respond to the call. Until recently.
Since we had so many changes in the last 6 months, I have found my spoons are lacking. I cry easily, both when I am sad and also when happy. I hunger for solitude and just watching the bird life around us. I need time to heal not only from the meniscus tear in my left knee, but emotionally. I am tired.
No matter how tired I feel, I drag myself to church because I need it. I am indeed grateful to the LORD for so much. I love to listen to the Bible on You Tube and I play hymns in the background most of the day. Prayer is often ongoing for hours and I am gradually finding peace again.
It's good that we are now retired as there are days when the fibromyalgia flares and I can't stay awake, and I now just go to bed and have a nana nap whenever it is necessary.
It has taken me 66 years to realise that it is true that
- I am not responsible for fixing everything or everyone who is broken. But I can pray for them.
- It is OK to say no if I honestly can't cope with a request. I don't have to feel guilty
- It is OK to admit to being over something and not to be stoic and push myself mercilessly
It is important to recognise burn out and to take steps to heal. Taking care of yourself is not being selfish. There will be time after your healing to be a helper again. Not recognising burn out will result in you having a physical or emotional meltdown. And no one is going to benefit if you have lost your joie de vivre or your milk of human kindness is dried up and you have only empty buckets to give.
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat. Mark 6:31
Footnote: since writing this post, I have learned that enneagrams originated from new age practices and automatic writing. I will not be doing any quizzes etc regarding this again. Thank you, Janine for making me aware of this.
This is exactly the post and picture I needed today! I am 64 and I am right there with you but you put it so beautifully. However, I still struggle with "guilt" when I know someone, many someones, who need me periodically through the week (not in-home) and are worse off than me, and I just can't fix it. I have to pray for discernment and still I wonder. But thank you so so much for this post. It is encouraging. I crave alone time too!!! ~ Gwen
ReplyDeleteIt is OK, Gwen. If we don't look after our own (important) needs, we will be no good to anyone. Sometimes the best we can do is pray for someone or some neeed. And even that sometimes is difficult. We are just flesh with limitations. And it is that which limits us.... thanks for sharing a cuppa with me today. Blessings, Glenys!
DeleteGlenys, I always love your posts. I know you are a STRONG Christian, and I know you said that you did the enneagram just for fun, but just last month I discovered that the enneagram came from automatic writing. I thoroughly did the research on this, as my husband had asked for a book on it. Doreen Virtue, a former new ager and now a strong Christian, interviewed another former new ager (Marcia Montenegro) who is well researched on this and they put in a clip of the actual interview with Naranjo who said he got the words for the enneagram from automatic writing. Just search for Doreen Virtue and the interview will come up on FB, YouTube, her website, etc. God bless you, Glenys! I knew you wouldn't be offended by my saying this because I know you always live in and want the TRUTH!
ReplyDeleteThank you for telling me about this, Janine! I will give these quizzes a miss from now on. Blessings, Glenys
DeleteI'm glad you weren't offended. I didn't think you would be, as I know you search like the Bereans, but one other woman deleted my comment on her blog, and it makes me sad that she wouldn't even allow for an alternative opinion. God bless you and your writings, Glenys!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you pointed it out, Janine. I avoid horoscopes and so on... I wouldn't have gone near it if I had known. People who won't take correction are arrogant in my opinion. We are always learning as we walk the path along the Way. Blessings, Glenys
DeleteHi, Janine,
DeleteSo good to bump into you here as well. I do appreciate your transparency and faithfulness in sharing your concerns.
I love those giving and serving twos!
ReplyDeleteWhatever our motivation, we are finite creatures and must receive first from the never-ending power and love of God.
Yes, seek Him first in all things! thanks for sharing a cuppa today!
DeleteGlenys, I too have Fibromyalgia diagnosed in 2009, I totally hear you with being able to come to that place of 'being' at rest in the Lord without the 'doing' guilt! Though it's a learning curve!
ReplyDeleteYou're most welcome to join me in a cuppa at Tea With Jennifer,
Bless you,
Jennifer
It is a learning curve! thanks for taking tea with me today, Jennifer!
Delete