So the last few weeks have been difficult to say the least. We have helped my sister close up her house, moved her in here and found accommodation for my son.
On top of that, RSV has gone through our home and was pretty horrid. My sister says it was worse than Covid.
Add a severe fibromyalgia flare to the mix, and you have a very disheartening turn of events.
I have prayed a lot during the last few weeks but haven't been diligent about reading my bible. To be honest, sometimes it was hard just to keep awake.
Today I finally got back into the Word and was immediately drawn to Proverbs 20:20- Whoever curses his father or his mother, His lamp will be put out in deep darkness.
I was immediately convicted of doing this- not actual cursing but speaking badly of particularly my mother, due to a very traumatic childhood.
I repented quickly but even so, I meditated on this during the night, talking to the LORD about it.
During this talk, I asked Him why He has in fact blessed me all these years, and immediately I felt Him tell me that He knew and saw all the past hurt and allowed me to talk it out and slowly release all the pain.
I further felt that now is the day to let it go- really go, and move on. I am amazed at the patience and tenderness that God has shown me and I am so very grateful for His love and forgiveness and mercy.
You may recall my love for kingfishers and how God used to make sure I saw them whenever they came for a feed. I call them "love glances"
Fast track to an hour ago as I was preparing lunch. I happened to look out of the glass door from where we feed the birds in the garden. There was a black and white kingfisher! A love glance!
My heart burst with love for God and happiness that He still loved me in spite of my many failings! It was just what I needed to lift my spirits... and today like many times before, I cried.
Tears of gratitude and joy and a deeper joy in my spirit replaced the tears of pain and frustration of the last few weeks.
Finding Jesus is not finding religion- it is having a relationship with God and I am very pleased to report that God met His daughter's emotional needs mightily, for He glanced at me in a personal way that made me cry the happiest of tears!
© Glenys Robyn Hicks