Keep some Kleenex in your handbag!

Some of my family are going through the menopause and have a few trials with it, both emotionally and physically.

At 72, this now is a thing of the past for me, but for millions of women world wide, it is ongoing. But like everything in life, this too will pass..

I wrote this post when my hormones were waning and I was going through the Change. This highlights just some ways it can effect us at that time...

Just recently I have been going through some difficult and emotional times! Not only has my fibromyalgia flared, causing me pain and fatigue through not sleeping soundly and my heart has been paining me, but I have had to contend with hot flushes and the roller coaster of feminine hormones both rising and waning- mostly waning I suspect!

I know I am not the only woman on earth to go through this stage of life- but I can only write about how it has effected me- anything else is hearsay and observation! The curious thing is that I thought I left Menopause City behind, but as I walk through the Path of Life, I have been confronted with another sign post that tells me I am still in the boundaries of the City.

Today, for example, Chris and I were having a coffee and cinnamon bun at our shopping Centre…apart from tiredness, I was feeling OK emotionally. A darling little baby girl was in her stroller eating some of her mother’s cinnamon roll and she was making quite a mess of herself. I was captivated by her- she was so cute! As I turned smiling to mention her to Chris, a very pregnant lady walked past me and my mood suddenly spiralled downwards to regret.

With intense sadness, the knowledge that pregnancy and motherhood were no longer things which I would enjoy personally, hit me like a blow across the mouth. The realisation that I was not only getting old- but WAS old, took me by surprise and I tried to counteract it’s horrible gripping effect on me by mentioning the delightful baby girl drooling cinnamon icing, to Chris, who was happily sipping his cappacino.

To my utter horror, my eyes started to fill up and I could not control the feelings of despair and sadness that threatened to overtake me! As I grabbed a serviette to dab my eyes, and to both of our embarrassment, I started crying into my cinnamon bun! Chris was taken unawares as well and just rubbed my hand.

I ran to the ladies restrooms, where I cried for the years of childbearing and mothering that flew by too, too fast!…I cried for the hunger to feel a baby kicking inside me, and to smell that irresistable smell of a new-born baby and to feel the velvet skin of a new blessing against me as I breastfed!

Blowing my nose, I battled the jealousy I felt seeing women carrying babies in their wombs and in their baby slings. I battled the feelings of fear of old age and disappearing waist line and loss of my youthful vigour and health. I panicked momentarily as I realised that I was probably 2 thirds through my life already- and I still felt at times like a girl!

I flushed the toilet as I waited until the tears abated, hoping to drown them out from the ears of other people. It was a frightening and embarrassing moment! And a puzzling one too! For I “know” I am too old to be a mother..too many health issues too..too fatigued to take on a child 24/7 for the rest of my life…too selfish in a lot of ways now…YET the desires and maternal feelings haven’t died!

And now that I have had a cry, thought through the whole thing and had time with the LORD, I feel silly. I suppose I shouldn’t really feel silly…the maternal hormones are a God-given part of being feminine and so too is this season of my life. I just find that sometimes the maternal hormones go on hyperdrive as the childbearing ones wane.

How grateful I am that God has given me an understanding husband…one who says he understands even when I don’t. One who passes me a cinnamon bun and a tissue without too many questions….and rubs my hand…it all helps.....

I hope that you will realise that like every season, this Changing Season will not last. We have made it through Menopause City and you will too.

As you traverse the valley, keep looking up and forward. Try to think of positive thoughts- Philippians 4:8  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Pray continually and keep close to the LORD, and remember He loves you dearly. Isaiah 46:4 And even to your old age I am he; and even to hoar hairs will I carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you.

And keep some Kleenex in your handbag! 

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

"To every [thing there is] a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: " Ecclesiastes 3:10

Not just a bump on a log

         

                      

When I was a young mother of four children under five, I was struck down with glandular fever that lasted for a full six months.

As you can imagine, with an illness lasting that long, I was often alone to manage as my then husband had to work and my mother lived far away. It was a long and difficult time that made me feel like I was just a bump on a log.

This wasn't true in fact because out of necessity, I found ways to run my household and look after my children unassisted and mostly from my bed. But not being able to get up for more than thirty minutes at a time without collapsing from fatigue made me feel useless.

In the morning no matter how exhausted I felt, I rose and got my oldest child off to school with my neighbour picking him up and dropping him off. I bathed my youngest babies and dressed and fed them then put a load of washing on. I took something out of the freezer for dinner. Then I staggered back to bed, a perspiring mess!

My four year old daughter lifted her siblings up onto the bed where I read stories to them, often falling to sleep with the book over my face and finding the children in the lounge room watching cartoons.

Sometime later, I arose again to change nappies and give them a snack or a bottle. I would put that finished load of washing into the dryer and set it going to dry. I would organise some play activities and would lie on the couch watching my little ones building a house with lego blocks. Then I would fall asleep again, drenched in sweat.

I was told to rest in order to kick the glandular fever, but as any chronically ill mother will tell you, that usually means that she does her home duties in her dressing gown or house coat. Her version of rest.

My husband would cook tea, following my instructions on what to cook and sometimes even how to cook it. If I felt well enough, I would bath our school age child to save his father the chore and then I would take a quick shower. It left me even more exhausted, but with glandular fever, one is bathed in sweat all the time and it is necessary to shower daily even when tired.

Finally the fever left me, but over the years I was troubled with Sheurmann's disease, a disease which ate the discs in my back and would have caused severe scoliosis, if not for enforced bed rest after a two week ordeal in hospital in traction, many times over the years. 

I learned to plan my grocery shop, organise payment of my bills, delegate household chores, help with homework, listen to school readers,  and be there for my growing children all from my bed. It was easy to think of myself as useless like a bump on a log, but in actual fact, I was anything but. 

Chronic illness can take away many things from us, but don't let it take away your confidence in being mistress of your home. You will find that running your household from your bed is in fact possible, and proves that we are no bumps on logs.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. 3 John 1:2

The litany of everyday life

 

An encouraging excerpt from:  Margret Kim Peterson.

"God is the creator and has given [us the] privilege of imitating and participating in God’s work as creator.

God ... started with chaos and ended with a...beautiful universe.

Housework is all about bringing order out of chaos.

That heap of damply repulsive clothes on the bathroom floor turns into stacks of neatly folded clean laundry in a matter of hours...

a table piled high with junk mail, school papers, and forgotten socks turns into a table neatly set for a meal...

a sack of potatoes ...turns into a dish of mashed potatoes ...

Housework is never "done" in the same sense ... that God's providential involvement in the world is never done." (End of excerpts)

To sum up: We keep house because we love our families. And we won't be all done today. We will wake up again tomorrow, and receive the gift of another day, and the privilege again, of honorable work to fill our hands. We take care of our families, who love and appreciate us in return.

True, some things are more fun to do than others. Making cookies may be more fun than cleaning toilets. But we still clean the toilet. And we don't fall into self pity over it. We even make a game out of it, and it actually can be fun.

After all, every person on earth has parts of their job that are unpleasant and would be avoided if possible.

As homemakers, we are privileged to be servants of all, and Jesus tells us, "The greatest among you is the servant of all".

He himself demonstrated, by subjecting himself to death on the cross for our sins. From Mothers Are At Home

Blessings, Glenys

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. Proverbs 31:15

You are doing well!

If you suffer from chronic pain as I do, do you sometimes feel less worthy as a woman, wife, mother and homemaker because of your illness? At times like these, fibromyalgia/CFS, lupus and heart disease can cause chronic pain, and can become very lonely diseases. And self-fulfilling ones.

It does seem unfair that not only do we have this accursed disease but that we feel obliged to defend ourselves constantly! Sometimes even to doctors! Families can often be the worst with their taunts about being a hypochondriac and demanding we get a job! Why don’t they realise just breathing is a job some days and besides which, your joints and muscles feel as stiff as a statue??

Because I walk in your shoes, may I offer you some advice and comfort? Which I know you need as you bear one of the heaviest loads imaginable: chronic pain and illness whilst trying to be a good wife, mother and home maker.

Are we not the best of loving wives and mothers, homemakers, servants of our family and the LORD? We don’t throw in the towel and give up because we can’t- we have our families and home to look after- but we draw on all our innermost reserves to give to our families what is needed when we just want to crawl back into bed and vegetate. Do we? Not as much as we want!

We show great devotion, endurance, and self-sacrifice with our limited energy and draw closer to God than perhaps most healthy women would do. Why? Because it is harder for us! 

Isn't it more valuable in spiritual terms to deny oneself the rest and ease we would love to indulge in, than to achieve the "honour" of having the most spotless of homes etc with relatively little cost as regards personal denial and physical pain? 

Kind of like Jesus's parable of the widow's mite- she gave all she had and the others gave of their abundance! Do you not see the correlation? We give our all, not just a little of the abundance of our strength. Surely then for us, are we not more worthy of honour and appreciation? I would say so!

And so I would encourage you to realise that you do not have to take the taunts and demands to heart, nor let it settle in your spirit. You do not have to defend yourself incessantly to anyone, because you are doing far more already than most people of lesser fortitude would do. Furthermore, God hears our sighs and pleas, He knows we are but dust and knows our frame- He most of all identifies with our weaknesses!

Will He not say "Well done Thou good and faithful servant" Matthew 25:21  to us who struggle to serve others every day when our flesh cries out for compassion and being served ourselves? In moments like these, I cling close to Christ and let His compassion and grace wash over me afresh- for without His closeness I would never get up some mornings! With the Psalmist, let us rely on God for our strength as we cry, "I love you LORD my strength!" Psalm 18:1 I pray you feel His loving help.  You are doing well!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Welcome Validation: False Guilt's cousin

Sometimes when I am having a flare of my fibromyalgia, I find that I need to feel validated in my sufferings. Not many people believe that fibromyalgia is real, and when you feel wiped out with chronic fatigue, endless pain and brain fog for weeks at a time, you can suffer from False Guilt. This is a cousin to needing Validation. So, feeling like that, I decided to look up some sites and recap the symptoms of the complaint. Here they are:

Fibromyalgia produces widespread pain, disturbed sleep, and exhaustion from head to toe.1 Fibromyalgia means pain in the muscles, ligaments, and tendons—the soft fibrous tissues of the body. Although the muscles hurt everywhere, they are not the only cause of the pain. Instead, the diffuse, body-wide symptoms are greatly magnified by malfunctions in the way the nervous system processes pain.2,3

Regional muscle pain not related to arthritis or the nervous system also occurs in the majority of people with fibromyalgia.4 Patients describe this as firm knots in the belly of muscles, often causing restricted movement and radiating pain.5 These muscle nodules are myofascial trigger points and some researchers suspect that these painful areas overlap with the tender points used to diagnose fibromyalgia.6

The symptoms of fibromyalgia are unpredictable and most patients are frustrated by their physical limitations and inability to make plans. You may feel as though you have to "push yourself" to get things done.7

Most patients with fibromyalgia say that their muscles feel like they have been pulled or overworked, and sometimes they twitch or cramp.8 Even the skin may feel badly sunburned.9 To help your family and friends relate to your fibromyalgia symptoms, have them think back to the last time they had a bad flu. Every muscle in their body shouted out in pain. In addition, they felt devoid of energy as though someone had unplugged their power supply.

Given that the symptoms may be similar to a viral flu, experts in the field of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome believe that these two illnesses may be one and the same.10 Gulf War syndrome also overlaps with these two conditions.11
Common symptoms:

Pain - Fibromyalgia pain has no boundaries. People describe the pain as deep muscular aching, throbbing, shooting, stabbing, or intense burning. Quite often, the pain and stiffness are worse in the morning, and muscle groups that are used repetitively may hurt more.12 In addition, the severity of regional pains (particularly those in the head, neck, shoulders and lower back) are a strong predictor of a person's overall pain rating.13 The muscles in these painful areas can feel tight, knotted and rope-like. Pressing on the firm, knotted region hurts and often causes the pain to shoot to other muscles when a myofascial trigger point is present.

Fatigue - This symptom can be one of the most incapacitating for people with fibromyalgia. Patients may feel as though their arms and legs are weighted down by concrete blocks and their bodies may be so drained of energy that every task is an effort.7

Memory and Concentration - Difficulty concentrating and retaining new information may seriously interfere with everyday mental tasks.14 This symptom is referred to as "fibro fog" and may hinder job opportunities. In particular, fibromyalgia patients have serious difficulty retaining new information if they are distracted.15

Sleep Disorders - Patients report trouble falling asleep and more importantly staying asleep, but the unrefreshing quality is what makes the disorder much worse than insomnia. Repeat arousals prevent patients from reaching deep, restorative sleep.16 As a result, the night is spent in "quasi-sleep" and patients wake up feeling as though they have been run over by a Mack truck. An overnight sleep study will likely show repeat arousals with bursts of awake-like brain activity occurring throughout the night, but a specific sleep disorder may not be identified.17

Exercise Difficulties - Moderate intensity exercise activates a powerful pain-relieving system in healthy people, but it makes the pain of fibromyalgia worse.18 This is why initiating an exercise program may make you achy and tired. However, if you do not exercise on a regular basis, the performance of normal daily living activities will start to cause more pain. Rather than give in to the increased pain sensitivity related to exercise, patients are advised to do mild exercise in short intervals (such as five minutes at a time) to keep the muscles fit while not over-taxing them. A study in Sweden revealed that half of the fibromyalgia patients found it impossible or difficult to climb stairs and a majority of patients could not run. Just standing for five minutes was extremely taxing to one-fourth of the patients.19

Irritable Bowel Syndrome - Constipation, diarrhea, frequent abdominal pain and bloating, abdominal gas, and nausea represent symptoms commonly found in roughly 40 to 70 percent of fibromyalgia patients.20

Chronic Headaches - Recurrent migraine or tension headaches are experienced by 50 to 70 percent of fibromyalgia patients. Most headaches are rated as severe, occur at least two times per week, and often have a migraine component.21 Referred pain from myofascial trigger points in the shoulder, neck, and head muscles are suspected to be responsible for most tension-type headache and also play a role in migraines.22

Jaw Pain - Temporomandibular joint dysfunction causes tremendous jaw-related face and head pain and affects one-quarter of fibromyalgia patients. Typically, the problems are related to the muscles and ligaments surrounding the jaw joint and not necessarily the joint itself.23

Other Common Symptoms - Non-cardiac chest pain, acid reflux, irregular heart beat or palpitations, shortness of breath, numbness and tingling sensations, the feeling of swollen extremities, chemical sensitivities, nasal congestion, premenstrual syndrome and painful periods, irritable bladder, interstitial cystitis, vulvodynia (vulvar pain), difficulty focusing eyes, dry or burning eyes and mouth, dizziness or feeling faint, profuse sweating, muscle weakness and balance issues can occur.24,25,26 Fibromyalgia patients are often sensitive to odors, loud noises, bright lights, some foods, and often the medications that they are prescribed.27

Aggravating Factors - Changes in weather, cold or drafty environments, hormonal fluctuations (premenstrual and menopausal states), stress, depression, anxiety, and over-exertion can all contribute to fibromyalgia symptom flare-ups.12
Fibromyalgia Quick Facts

* Affects 3 to 5 percent of the general population28
* Occurs in people of all ages, even children
* Men develop fibromyalgia too, although more women are diagnosed with it
* Symptoms are chronic but may fluctuate throughout the day
* Roughly one-quarter of people with fibromyalgia are work-disabled12

The general consensus here in Australia is that fibromyalgia is all in ones' head and that the sufferer is a malingerer. Certainly this exacerbates False Guilt and invites his cousin, Validation into the scene. Although I am aware of false guilt leading to me wanting to feel validated, I still succumb to it at times of prolonged flares such as this one I am experiencing at the moment.

I have *every* one of these symptoms, so I feel validated. So welcome Validation: hopefully he and his cousin won't be staying long!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Psalm 31:24

Grateful and blessed

I am blessed to have a nice home. So many today are homeless, so even if your home is small and you truly don't love it, it would behoove us to be grateful for it regardless.

Home is the cradle of civilisation. It is the foundation of training, knowledge, shaping our early years and moulding us into the adult we will become.

Home's an oasis of calm in a world that's not. It is meant to be a peacable place, a sure dwelling and a quiet resting place. Peace. Safety. Nurture. Comfort.

I just love the imagery of this verse above and I love even more the promise that God makes to us who labour in our home. For we are wise if we do labour to show love and mercy and grace to each other and to make our habitation one of a sanctuary and place of worship through example.

May we not lose sight of the importance of home in the nurturing of ourselves and family. It is worth the effort and the results are guaranteed in the Word of God, for God blesses the habitation of the just. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"The curse of the LORD [is] in the house of the wicked: but he blesseth the habitation of the just. " Proverbs 3:33

The joy of a clean home!

                                        

"To the contemporary mind, the idea that happiness depends on good housekeeping might seem quaint or odd. A century or two ago, and in fact until the past few decades, it was taken for granted, and the quality of housekeeping was not beneath the attention of such great novelists as Jane Austen and Leo Tolstoy." -Cheryl Mendelson, Home Comforts: The Art & Science of Keeping House

I think this is true in my own life anyway. When my house runs smoothly and is in order, I feel in control but when it is disorganised or dirty, I feel irritable and unhappy. It is true that most people don't notice housework until it's not done, and that in itself doesn't bolster the home keepers' spirits. However, I have learnt to focus on the end result. It helps me get through the mundane cleaning.

There is a scripture that says that without a vision the people perish and I often equate housework with this verse. Unless we visualise the finished result of a clean house, we will often neglect doing it and miss the mark completely as regards of being a good home keeper. Like it or not, good housekeeping creates happiness. If we lose sight of that, we will be people without a vision!

Funnily enough, when my house is clean and tidy, I find am less anxious and I find it easier to relax as a clean house makes me happy.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Where [there is] no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy [is] he. Proverbs 29:18

Memories of a vintage housekeeper

   

         

My mother was a good homemaker. Some of my earliest memories were of her hanging out washing on her long line held up by props.  She used to boil up the copper and honestly, she had the whitest washing ever.  She used Rinso to wash the clothes and Lux Flakes for delicates.

When I was really young, we didn't have hot water on tap, so Mum would boil up the kettle, fill the sink- a single sink- and she used a metal cage thing with slivers of Velvet soap in it to soap up the water. Steel wool was the go for saucepans and the plates were washed with a foam rubber sponge.

Whilst she was washing the dishes, she would have the kettle on again to rinse them. Then we children would dry them for her. We had metered gas by way of a machine with a coin slot in it in the laundry. When the gas got low, Mum would put sixpence or a shilling in it...

We all bathed daily and our hot water was heated by way of a chip heater over the bath. I can still remember fighting over who was the child who was to be seated under it. It was scary to a kid's mind. In fact, I sometimes still dream of it- making sure the water tap was on before lighting the pilot light.

Pride of place in our living room was the clothes horse aka clothes airer. Mum was very careful to air all our clothes and she spent quite a lot of time arranging clothes on it daily.

Mum had it tough too because we four children were bed wetters. She worked very hard to keep up with it all. 

With all her neighbours finishing their chores by 9am, poor Mum was still washing the sheets. In fact, when they called on her for a cuppa, she would be flustered because she was inundated with work.

Mondays Mum "did through".  She vacuumed, dusted, cleaned the bath and toilet and ironed. She also polished the linoleum in the kitchen with her Hoover polisher. It was quite a chore, with applying polish, buffing it with the machine then redoing it with the lambswool pads.  Her Monday routine was as regular as the sun coming up in the morning. 

Everyday, she would also make the beds, do her washing, think about what was for tea that night, clean her kitchen and sweep the carpets with a carpet sweeper. Routines were written in stone.

Mum didn't have a car, in fact Dad didn't even have one. She would catch the bus into town and shop for groceries which were delivered to our house. No plastic bags: the bags were brown paper...

I remembered how hard she worked the day I held her gnarled hand as she passed. She certainly loved her home and family... 

I am so glad that God honours the hardworking woman. In writing her eulogy, I included that well-known and loved verse from Proverbs 31 and when it was read, everyone of us nodded our heads in agreement and acknowledgement. She was blessed.

Memories of a well kept house we were never ashamed to call home will always be dear, along with the memories of a tired but diligent homemaker and her wonderful serving of our family, and then her  second husband's. 

Yes, they're happy memories of a vintage housekeeper

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.  Proverbs 31:28

I love being mistress of my home

Over the years I have spent a lot of time in hospitals with Scheuermann's disease, a spinal disease which caused bad back problems. Whilst spending 2 weeks at a time in traction, flat on my back and unable to move at all, the days would drag out so slowly and my thoughts would naturally turn to home.

In the morning, I would look at my watch and note that it was time for my children to be getting ready for school and I would wonder if their father or grandmother had everything under control and if the children were buying their lunch at the school canteen or taking a cut lunch. Were they missing me? I missed them. Terribly. And as I felt my eyes fill, I knew that I would give anything to be with them, looking after my own household.

Now this was a strange thing to think because I have to be honest and say that I often had suffered from a dislike of homemaking in my younger years and I can remember saying on occasion that I would rather be working outside the home than being trapped there, doing endless loads of washing and changing little bottoms, wiping little noses and washing floors!

But as the long weeks dragged on, punctuated only by bedpans and meals, I realised that life has a way of making us think of those things that truly matter. And as I watched the nurse close the drapes, heralding another long night of snoring patients and torchlight visits by nurses checking on my legs and feet, my heart would almost break longing to be home in my own bed surrounded by my family.

I would fall asleep dreaming and planning of changes that I would make as soon as I got home- ways that I could be a better wife, mother and homemaker. And as soon as the nurse came in at 7am throwing the drapes apart and bringing in the morning medications, my mind would turn to planning new homemaking schedules and better routines and I would find myself pining to be mistress of my home once again.

Sometimes I think God brings things into our lives so that we may learn from them. In my case, my enforced bed rest made me re-evaluate my life and realise that I had the best of life already. Until my back problems, I didn’t really enjoy my role as homemaker- I loved being a wife and mother- but housework- forget it! It took a few bouts of traction to get me to be still long enough to really consider that which is truly important.

And as I finally healed of the disease that ate away all the discs in my lower back, I not only regained my physical strength, but my spiritual strength and I realised that you never know what you have, until it’s gone. For God not only healed my back, but my attitudes. I resumed my homemaking duties with gusto and enthusiasm. I was thankful for the valuable lesson learned-that I love being mistress of my home!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom.  Psalm 90:12

For my little angels

                                          

On wings of love we'd have laid you down, 

Wrapped moonbeams round your sides, 

We'd dim the light of distant stars 

And sing you lullabies. 

We'd linger round your cradle 

As we'd gaze at you in awe- 

To us you'd  be as angels 

Too perfect for this world. 

You must have dreamt of Heaven 

For you decided not to stay, 

The angels came and took you 

As under my heart you lay. 

Now Jesus gently rocks you 

In His strong and gentle arms, 

We know now, little angels, 

You are safe from any harm… 

Lord, lay them down in a cradle of gold, 

Tuck rainbows round their sides, 

Cover them with Your angels’ wings 

And if they ever cry- 

Tell them Mum and Dad are coming 

Just as soon as they awake- 

Please kiss our little angels, Lord 

And love them in our place.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” Matthew 18:10 

Remembering my twins, Sarah Robyn and Ruth Glenys Urbani, born sleeping November 12, 1969

I'm no longer a bunny!

 

So Easter has come and gone and so have all my spoons! I have been under the weather all over Easter and have a constant fibromyalgia flare, coupled with spinal pain.

With moving the homemaking help for the elderly stopped and it would take a long time to get it all arranged. We have decided to enlist a woman to clean for us fortnightly again.

This lady is very efficient and friendly as well and although we enlisted her for once a month cleaning, the truth is I need her fortnightly. I can maintain our home in between her visits, but with once a month, the house is needing a more thorough clean and therefore took more than the two hours I hired her to clean.

As always, I hate needing to have help these days, and Chris is too unwell to help me. It is what it is..

You would think that with having back pain for forty years and fibromyaglia and angina for twenty, that I would be more gracious to myself. I should be accepting my lot, but being a woman, I still find my perceived worth as a homemaker is dictated by how fast I spin my wheel without help.

So with my 70th birthday here in a few weeks, I am just going to have to accept my handicaps and be merciful to myself.

I should be glad that I have a husband who agrees to hiring help. A lot of women don't. So I will just stop the pity party and enjoy this season where we can afford her...

And also, when she comes, I am not going to clean the house before she comes... I am a  perfectionist, but no longer... where housework is concerned, I will get the help I need. I'm no longer a bunny!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect. 2 Samuel 22:33

Clean enough to be healthy

I have had a perfectionist streak all my life, but in the last twenty or so years of ill health, I have had to learn to be content with a more relaxed approach to my home making.

Where once I would be consumed with (false) guilt because I made our bed without four corner tucks or I had the blankets bumpy on the bed, I have had to make do with a more lenient approach. I simply don't have the energy to do four corner tucks. However, even the bed made up quickly and sporting a lump here or there, is extremely satisfying to me now that I've gotten past the perfectionism.

Mornings are no longer the time for house keeping. I have to fit in what I can over however long it takes me... and be content at the end of the day that I actually got it done...

I no longer allow cleaning schedules to dictate to me what I must achieve in any given day or time frame: it gets done more or less within the schedule but on a time of my choosing. It's the only way a Sacrificial Home Keeper can manage..

In saying that I am no longer a perfectionist, I still like to live in a clean home. For me, there are basic things that are not negotiable. I cannot live my life happily unless these things are clean:

I must be clean.

My clothes must be clean.

My bed must be fresh and clean.

My dishes and cooking utensils must be clean.

I can't stand smelly toilets and these and my bathroom must be clean.

These days I need help to maintain this list of essentials.  I do not go into a spin if a fly has died on my window ledge or there is some dust on my furniture. I have learned to accept white cat fur as a part of being a mother to a white cat. The floors can be in need of a vacuum, but I now have Roombas to do them.  It has been years since I ironed something that only I will see... and I learned years ago that one can sleep on unironed pillowcases... it can be done!

I find cooking, shopping, menu and social planning, washing and folding of clothes, managing finances and being a loving wife to my husband is enough for me to cope with. I know from experience over the years that by not pacing myself, I will crash and burn and my recovery time will need more than an occasional nana nap...

Accepting our limitations is an important part of staying calm in a world that has become anything but. And for most of us Sacrificial Home Keepers, our world is our home. 

One final thought that helped me was remembering what our family doctor once said to me when my children were young: "A home should be clean enough to be healthy, but untidy enough to be happy!"  I am trusting that I have at last put his advice into action.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect. 2 Samuel 22:33

“Little Angels”

On wings of love we laid you down, 

Wrapped moonbeams round your sides, 

We dimmed the light of distant stars 

And sang you lullabies. 

We lingered round your cradle 

As we gazed at you in awe- 

To us you were as angels 

Too perfect for this world. 

You must have dreamt of Heaven 

For you decided not to stay, 

The angels came and took you 

On the clouds on which you lay. 

Now Jesus gently rocks you 

In His strong and gentle arms, 

We know now, little angels, 

You are safe from any harm… 

Lord, lay them down in a cradle of gold, 

Tuck rainbows round their sides, 

Cover them with Your angels’ wings 

And if they ever cry- 

Tell them Mum and Dad are coming 

Just as soon as they awake- 

Please kiss our little angels, Lord 

And love them in our place.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” Matthew 18:10 

For Sarah and Ruth born sleeping 12 November 1969

Peaceful home making

Can you imagine living in a world where it is still acceptable to stay home with your children, serve your husband, and dare I say it - keep your home? Where marriage, home and motherhood are held in high esteem and the women caring for their families are blessed by and for their efforts? Picture the scene of past eras wherein a young woman usually left the workforce after marriage to serve her husband and keep her home and await the arrival of her children. She was not looked down on at all, rather the role of wife/mother/homemaker was elevated into something to aspire to. For it is an honourable calling.

We all know that the disdain we stay at home wives and mothers feel today from the world (and even some churches) is contrary to the scriptural role, and we know that it wasn't always so. And as more and more women are pressured into having less children and putting their babies into day centres, a lot of women are feeling cheated and discontented. If the truth was told, I truly believe that most of the women in the workforce today would prefer to be at home having more babies and loving their life! Why isn't it like this today? 

Firstly, I believe a lot of women have bought the lie of feminism. We have been buffeted about and overloaded with so much of their rhetoric that we have slowly come to accept a great deal of what they say. Bowing under the pressure of the world, we have become discontented with our God-given role as wife/mother and keeper of our home.

Secondly, I believe women have generally been so highly educated that they are afraid that they will waste it by staying home. I think nothing could be further from the truth. All education is profitable for a woman- especially if she plans to home school her children. This is slowly gaining popularity in Australia, though nowhere near as much as in the States. But the point I am making is that as mothers, we are teachers. Our knowledge will only serve to benefit our family. And make us more interesting to our husbands.

Thirdly, I think in general we have set our sights on worldly things- the biggest home, cars, furnishings, designer clothing and expensive holidays etc. We have been sucked into the worship of the ravenous god of materialism and commercialism. Homemade is no longer good enough, home cooked is often a rarity, home keeping is a rushed chore and a burden- yet even so, home still is the sweetest place to be and always beckons us back. Are working mothers really getting value for their money? No! By the time we add up the work clothes, gas and fares for getting to and from work, the bought lunches, the more expensive packaged foods for faster meals, and last but in no way, least- the childcare centre, we have very little money available for spending. Are we starting to feel a little bit disillusioned? I would guess: yes a tad!

Now I am not naive: I know about mortgages, or renting, I know how hard it is to keep food on the table and clothes on the family's back- but what I know too is that a lot of extraneous spending could be curtailed and it would be far more profitable to stay at home. I know this, because as have previously shared- I did it for a while. It is more profitable not to work outside the home. And infinitely more satisfying for the whole family.

Frugality, budgeting, and cutting one's cloth according to income are not dirty words: they are words of life- family life. With a bit of planning and foresight, I believe a lot of women would be able to stay home and not suffer for it. The tools are planning, budgeting, frugality, wisdom and desire. I believe it is possible still today to manage on one man's wage- if we learn to be content with what we have or to downsize to make staying home with the children feasible. It is a heart issue.

So back to imagination: can you imagine rising and getting your husband off to work, having made him a leisurely breakfast and a cut lunch, guiding your children through bathing, dressing and breakfast in a calm manner, filling them with the best of breakfasts, then homeschooling or sending them to school with a nutritious packed lunch? No frantic last-minute hunt for lost notebooks or library books-or hearing your child read whilst you are hurriedly applying your makeup for work? Or worse still, from the other side of the bathroom door? No, you have had plenty of time last night to do these things and to be organised for the early morning rush. You are looking well to the ways of your own household.

As soon as the children are at school or setting about their lessons at home, you start to work your way through your chores, making beds and doing laundry whilst the crockpot bubbles away with some soup for lunch and the meat defrosts for the evening meal. You know exactly what you are having: you made your menu and shopping list and you are in control! Doesn't it feel good? Tonight when your husband gets home from work, you will be there to greet him with the children working steadily at their homework and the table set and dinner's delicious aroma wafting through the house to welcome him home. And if Dad works late shift, the children will at least get to see him at breakfast instead of being dragged out of their bed at some early hour to go to daycare.

Imagine if this was a reality in your life- would you want it? Thousands of women are turning their back on materialism, small families and feministic ideals and are turning back to God's Word for their lives and families. They are coping and they are gaining strength as a force that is pro-life, pro-family and pro-marriage. Their children are reaping the benefits of having a full-time mother who fills their world with soundness in a world she knows is anything but.

What is the future for the stay-at home mother? I believe job satisfaction: the knowledge that because she has applied herself to live her life according to godly principles and used wisdom, frugality and ingenuity in order to do it. Her marriage is stronger, her children happier and her home easier to manage. She knows that she is really free at last to be all God created her to be- a loving wife, mother and keeper of her home. And she rejoices at the days to come. Her husband is well looked after and well loved, as are her children. She doesn't worry what the world thinks about her life choices- she is following God's plan for her life. And her life is good- for all God's ways are good.

Imagine if all married women vetoed the work force, applied themselves to living frugally and returned home as stay at home wives and mothers…I imagine a lot of people would return to peaceful home making.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." 1 Timothy 5:14

A clean house makes me happy

"To the contemporary mind, the idea that happiness depends on good housekeeping might seem quaint or odd. A century or two ago, and in fact until the past few decades, it was taken for granted, and the quality of housekeeping was not beneath the attention of such great novelists as Jane Austen and Leo Tolstoy." -Cheryl Mendelson, Home Comforts: The Art & Science of Keeping House

I think this true in my own life anyway. When my house runs smoothly and is in order, I feel in control but when it is disorganised or dirty, I feel irritable and unhappy. It is true that most people don't notice housework until it's not done, and that in itself doesn't bolster the home keepers' spirits. However, I have learnt to focus on the end result. It helps me get through the mundane cleaning.

There is a scripture that says that without a vision the people perish and I often equate housework with this verse. Unless we visualise the finished result of a clean house, we will often neglect doing it and miss the mark completely as regards of being a good home keeper. Like it or not, good housekeeping creates happiness. If we lose sight of that, we will be people without a vision!

Funnily enough, when my house is clean and tidy, I find am less anxious and I find it easier to relax as a clean house makes me happy.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Where [there is] no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy [is] he. Proverbs 29:18