Showing posts with label validation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label validation. Show all posts

It's not about how fast we spin our wheel



We have RSV in our house and I am wiped out! Whether you have the flu or suffer like I do from fibromyalgia, you will have days where your body forces you to rest simply because you can't do anything else.

But that doesn't mean that resting will make it better. Nor does it guarantee that you will gather more spoons to use when you rise up from your sickbed.

When you are chronically ill, you don't get better and rest definitely doesn't leave you feeling refreshed and full of energy.

The most rest can do for us is give us a temporary respite from forcing ourselves way beyond  our comfort zone to serve our family.

Needing to rest can make those who don't understand chronic illness to make us become the victim of nasty retorts stating that we are lazy and putting it on in order to take to our bed. 

Being that fibromyalgia is one of many invisible illnesses, we are often maligned as malingers and the angst that this creates can cause us to become depressed as well as angry.

We didn't ask to be sick and most of us in fact push ourselves way beyond our comfort zone to prove to ourselves and others that we are not lazy.

I think as fibromyalgia is often a prolonged illness that we would do well to take thoughts of others directed at us to be taken into the captivity of Christ Who doesn't condemn us but Who loves us at all times. 

He understands and doesn't condemn us. We have to take His Word that He loves us as we are.

We need to learn to switch off from those who condemn and criticise us for taking frequent breaks and nana naps. We know we are doing the best we can and our worth is not about how fast we spin our wheel.


 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

 

Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation. -Psalm 91:14-16

Resistance is futile



Fibromyalgia is a really difficult illness/syndrome to live with. It's the most painful and yet invisible of illnesses. It is difficult to diagnose and there's no specific test for it.

It's infuriating that you can go years without a diagnosis. Especially frustrating when doctors dismiss you. Even worse if they suggest it's all in your head, when everywhere hurts so much you could cry. And do.

My diagnosis after many years of suffering and tests was clinched when my skin came up in red welts after the rheumatologist pressed on my trigger points. I have since learned that it's called dermagraphica or skin writing. 

One can never leave fibromyalgia or move away from it. One is never really out of a fibromyalgia flare as the smallest over extending of energy drags you back into another one.

Fibromyalgia brings emotional pain too as one tries to avoid looking ill but fails as the pain overrides the best of our intensive acting like a "normal"

There's no cure  and one really doesn't move on but moves through it flare by flare, day in day out, year by year.  One staggers through it. Lives it 24/7.  Endures it. 

No matter how hard we try to live a normal life, fibromyalgia accompanies us like a cloak of gloom around our shoulders. We soon learn we must accept it, for resistance is futile....

Plans for today: Today I had the lady come to clean our house and tomorrow we have a house inspection. My plans today are to keep the dishes under control and put away a few clothes from the washing today. Dinner will be pea and ham soup cooked in the slow cooker. 

Flaring badly, I see a nana nap on my horizon...



Failing fast



You may have noticed I haven't been posting much lately. Fibromyalgia, heart disease, high blood pressure and now boils have taken over my body all at once.

My body is failing me and the fatigue is not only sapping my strength but my mental faculties. It is hard to formulate a sentence these days.

I have been to the doctor. My blood pressure meds have been increased (200/86) and that in itself makes me tired.

These days it takes me all my time to look after Chris and my home. Forget socialising.

I am on the strongest oral antibiotics, taking 9 a day. They have brought the boil on my spine to a head. I am waiting for it to pop itself, rather than try to squeeze it. Though I think I would die from the pain if we tried to do that. The boil is quite large.

I pace myself to try to eke out my meagre spoons but I find I just have to have a nana nap in the day to have enough spoons to cook dinner.

I am praying that I feel better for Christmas as we are having family here for lunch Christmas Day. Most certainly I will have to be stronger than what I am now. My body is failing fast.




Invisible illnesses hurt as much as a broken arm.



So yesterday I got my tooth seen at the dentist. I was overjoyed that she managed to save it. It was a gruelling 45 minute sit in the chair.

Those of you who suffer from fibromyalgia know that sitting stretched back with one's head tilted to the side is not an easy pose to stay in. Add ankylosing spondylitis and polymyalgia rheumatica to the mix, and it's a half hour of torture.

I must say though that the lady dentist was very patient, kind and efficient. I told her about my many ailments as required for a new patient, and I was amazed that not only did she know what fibromyalgia was, but was very careful to not touch my neck roughly. 

She also gave me double the novacaine because she knew I would be very sensitive to pain.

It so happens that her friend suffers from fibromylgia and she has a really bad time of it. To have the dentist allow me to sit up and have a rest every ten minutes was a blessing. In fact, she was a godsend.

She lowered the chair as far as it would go as I got out, and being aware of my torn knee ligaments in both knees, she helped me get out and stand up. 

Today, my tooth is not aching at all, but my jaw, ear and neck are. I suspect from the injections and keeping my mouth open for so long. I have TMJ as well.

Today I have been doing meals, cleaning my kitchen and folding washing whilst medicating with paracetamol. I have had to take it every 6 hours, but it is what it is. I am still better off filling the tooth as opposed to pulling it.

My plan for tonight's meal is to make a sweet curry pork dish with rice. Chris loves that and it's easy to do in the slow cooker.

My online shop will be coming in an hour or so, and I will put that away. That's it for today.

I loved that the dentist took fibromyalgia seriously. It's not often that it is. When you find someone like that, the validation lifts one's spirits. Thanks goodness some people believe that invisible illnesses hurt as much as a broken arm.



 

Having patience with yourself

  

Lately, I have realised that one of the reasons for my high blood pressure is probably in the way I stress about not being able to do what I want due to fibromyalgia.

Although I know that I am not to blame for being ill, I sometimes find myself berating myself and feeling cross that I am a lame duck. It really gets to me at times.

Often I succumb to false guilt, the guilt that comes from matters that are not in my control, and it is easy to go to the Pit of Despair. You do not want to go there.

On rare occasions, I burst into tears and it is then that Chris usually comes to my rescue, pointing out that it's not my fault, that whatever needs to be done can wait or he promises that he will do it...

It made me think that sometimes I am my own worst enemy. By self-condemnation, I am making a sad situation worse for myself.

When I realised that it was my thinking that makes me get so down sometimes, I smiled at the irony: usually I am trying to validate my tiredness and pain to "normals"- those who do not live with chronic pain and no spoons. Now the "normals" are validating me.

So today, after cleaning my kitchen and making lunch, I am going to "the beach" again. I am going to relax and only get up again when it is time to cook tea.

I am going to start to speak to myself as I would speak to someone else who was ill and blaming themselves: lovingly and kindly. Which just doesn't come naturally to me. I have patience with everyone except myself.


Pain is a disability


Anyone who suffers from chronic pain knows that it precludes us from a lot of enjoyment of life. Pain makes the vicissitudes of life that much harder to bear. 

Everything is exaggerated both physically and mentally, and the only thing I can do is accept that this is not my usual self, for pain changes people.

Pain disables us in many ways. from physical activity. from family life. from sex. from sleep. from patience. from social life. from functioning normally. from life generally.

The effects of pain cause us to withdraw from people and become reclusive. It makes us feel isolated and unable to really feel understood or validated. We learn to be distrustful of others.

Because chronic pain, in my case fibromyalgia, causes us so much mental as well as physical angst, we decide to retreat to our home often preferring it even if we had enough spoons to leave.

Seeing as pain is such a disabling affliction, it makes no sense to me that we are often regarded by doctors with suspicion when we request heavy duty pain relief such as opiates.

Most of us cannot get enough medication to adequately help us with our pain. We often then succumb to depression and live as recluses  due to agoraphobia. 

We who suffer from chronic pain know that it is a disability. Invisible and destructive. We live in the knowledge that pain is disabling. 

We just wish doctors were as aware of the ongoing relentless disability called Pain.


It's not a contest



Sometimes I feel guilty for letting off steam at times but I really believe I could have a bit more support than what I am getting. 

We sometimes have words during my fibromyalgia flares and when I have polymyalgia rheumatica at the same time, it can make me scream in desperation. I just want a hand. It helps me emotionally as well as physically and I feel nurtured.

I know my husband is unwell and he has my understanding and utmost sympathy. But sometimes, the pain gets so bad and I have so little spoons that I will yell at him to come and make his own cup of tea or whatever.

After words,  I often cry because I aren't usually like that.  Pain changes people.  Especially unrelenting pain. And unrestorative sleep. Especially that.

Yet, to those who don't know the desperation that pain drives you to, they would just think I was being unreasonable and using my fibro to elicit a response from Chris. 

It's not that at all. Our health issues mean that there are times when we have to help one another. And lately when Chris is not well, I find I am left to push myself beyond my own comfort level while he sleeps on the couch.

His pain is not at the same high level mine is. His health issues relate to other issues regarding heart problems. But his issues are difficult for him to bear. I know that. 

Chronic illness in both people in a marriage presents its own problems. Each one having pain that makes the eyeballs bulge, causes arguments of who'se pain or condition is worse than the other's. A form of validation if you will.

But here's the scoop about chronic illness. It's not a contest. Just another thing about chronic illness that most don't understand. 




You are doing well!



If you suffer from chronic pain as I do, do you sometimes feel less worthy as a woman, wife, mother and homemaker because of your illness? At times like these, fibromyalgia/CFS, lupus and heart disease can cause chronic pain, and can become very lonely diseases. And self-fulfilling ones.

It does seem unfair that not only do we have this accursed disease but that we feel obliged to defend ourselves constantly! Sometimes even to doctors! Families can often be the worst with their taunts about being a hypochondriac and demanding we get a job! Why don’t they realise just breathing is a job some days and besides which, your joints and muscles feel as stiff as a statue??

Because I walk in your shoes, may I offer you some advice and comfort? Which I know you need as you bear one of the heaviest loads imaginable: chronic pain and illness whilst trying to be a good wife, mother and home maker.

Are we not the best of loving wives and mothers, homemakers, servants of our family and the LORD? We don’t throw in the towel and give up because we can’t- we have our families and home to look after- but we draw on all our innermost reserves to give to our families what is needed when we just want to crawl back into bed and vegetate. Do we? Not as much as we want!

We show great devotion, endurance, and self-sacrifice with our limited energy and draw closer to God than perhaps most healthy women would do. Why? Because it is harder for us! 

Isn't it more valuable in spiritual terms to deny oneself the rest and ease we would love to indulge in, than to achieve the "honour" of having the most spotless of homes etc with relatively little cost as regards personal denial and physical pain? 

Kind of like Jesus's parable of the widow's mite- she gave all she had and the others gave of their abundance! Do you not see the correlation? We give our all, not just a little of the abundance of our strength. Surely then for us, are we not more worthy of honour and appreciation? I would say so!

And so I would encourage you to realise that you do not have to take the taunts and demands to heart, nor let it settle in your spirit. You do not have to defend yourself incessantly to anyone, because you are doing far more already than most people of lesser fortitude would do. Furthermore, God hears our sighs and pleas, He knows we are but dust and knows our frame- He most of all identifies with our weaknesses!

Will He not say "Well done Thou good and faithful servant" Matthew 25:21  to us who struggle to serve others every day when our flesh cries out for compassion and being served ourselves? In moments like these, I cling close to Christ and let His compassion and grace wash over me afresh- for without His closeness I would never get up some mornings! With the Psalmist, let us rely on God for our strength as we cry, "I love you LORD my strength!" Psalm 18:1 I pray you feel His loving help.  You are doing well!


© Glenys Robyn Hicks

No help for fibromyalgia sufferers here


I have to say that in general I haven't found any real help via my GP's or rheumatologists here in Australia regarding my fibromyalgia. I am on the disability pension because I can't concentrate enough to hold down a job (not mentioning pain because there are some days when it is manageable), but in general the doctors over here seem to think it's something one puts on to get out of work! (If they only knew how we want to be able to work- especially in our homes!)

There was however, one GP who wrote me out a referral to go to a pain management clinic. I haven't been because I do not want to mentally put myself in the chronic invalid basket. If I try not to focus too much on myself and the symptoms it seems to help me mentally at least So I am trying self-help. Which truly isn't very helpful!

I have seen a rheumatologist recently who openly admitted to me that rheumies are practically useless in helping with fibromyalgia. I nodded my head in agreement!

I have found more compassion for my heart problems than my fibromyalgia. I wonder if it is because that is something that they can see? Or is it just the Aussie "She'll be right Mate!" mentality of some over here? Whatever, I would dearly love people to understand that fibromyalgia is a medical problem every bit as painful as diseases that can be seen.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. 3 John 1:2

Nothing to be ashamed of!


Fibromyalgia has made many changes in my life and one of them is my dislike of wearing clothes. The mere touch of fabric on my skin, or the tags on my clothing can send me into an itching frenzy.

Before I wear something new, I will cut off all the tags and if it has lace, particularly around the neckline, I will not buy it or I will cut the lace off.

Mohair drives me insane with itch and brings me up in a rash wherever it touches my skin. I won't buy it. If I have a woollen top on, I have to wear a blouse with a collar under it to stop the itching.

In dressing, I have to put layers on because fibromyalgia sufferers' thermostats are broken. They can't be adjusted or fixed. It is not uncommon to feel cold when everyone is hot and vice versa. Anyway, it is important to me that I can reduce or add on clothing as required.

Not that I really enjoy wearing clothes anymore. In fact, if I could be naked without offending, I would. Not that I do go publically naked of course. And I do dress modestly as it's important to our witness. Not to mention I don't want to be arrested! lol

I do go around the house naked in the summer. In case of visitors, I have my sundress in easy reach. It is never a problem to quickly slip it on if there is a knock at the door. Chris will always wait for me to get into our bedroom to change before he answers the door.

We are mindful of others at all times and keep our drapes closed when I walk around. Of course,  it's not when we have guests or when grandchildren stay. If we are expecting company then of course I get dressed. If we are on holiday or guests, I wear a loose nightdress at night and clothes in the day.

I know I am in good company with Winston Churchill often holding interviews whilst in the bathtub or naked, even in his office. I am not that brazen...

But I know I am not alone in hating wearing clothes in the World of Fibromyalgia. I do not doubt that many fibro sufferers will join me in saying that they sleep in the nude as well. 

Clothes can make one feel that they are strangling you in bed.  Sheets, no matter how soft, end up causing the most awful itches and feelings of heat that most fibromites sleep with one leg out and a fan on. Even in winter.

There are so many changes in one's life with fibromyalgia and some you won't hear about. Such as a hatred of wearing clothes.  We keep it secret, like it's something to be ashamed of. 

Trying to keep oneself from scratching until one bleeds is a reason for compassion. If I only walk naked around my own home, with only my husband seeing me, I am not flaunting myself and being immodest. 

Coping with illness is nothing to be ashamed of: it's all part of accepting it and moving on. I know my God would understand. I am not ashamed at all. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains: for the LORD hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted. Isaiah 49:13


Occupying until He comes!


As we have already discussed, it is harder to be a Christian as the days are getting darker. The time for the LORD'S return could be soon and we need to keep our lamps filled with oil so as not to be caught unaware.

How can we as chronically ill women keep our lamps filled with oil? It is hard enough coping with just breathing some days. But there are things we can still do to be prepared for the LORD'S return.

*  We can pray

* We can listen to scripture even if we can't read the Bible anymore.

* We can bear our illness with courage and fortitude

* We can exude faithfulness in tribulation

* We can encourage others in compassion and wisdom

* We can serve God by our witness as women of faith even in our most trying of times

* We can let our light shine in spite of chronic pain and tiredness

* We can show an integrity of faith and trust in God that shines like a beacon to the unsaved. 

We are called to serve God in whatever circumstance He calls us in. Sometimes that service may be from our sickbed or wheel chair.

In the eternal, that would not be a thing of no consequence. Your service to God will be rewarded.

We are only given this one life and whatever state we find ourselves in, we can still serve God and occupy until He comes. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And he called his ten servants, and delivered them ten pounds, and said unto them, Occupy till I come.  Luke 19:13

Telling it to our cat


As you probably know, we are in the process of finding a new rental to live in. We are currently living in a fifth wheeler, but I have torn my meniscus again and I cannot handle the seven steps to get in and out. I am practically housebound.

My mother passed away a year ago and I must say that I am still feeling her loss keenly. Coupled with my meniscus tear, exacerbated spinal pain because of the bed and stairs and pulled arm muscles from heaving myself up the three steps from the first level to the bedroom and ensuite, I have the Mother of all fibromyalgia flares with arthritis to boot. It has been one continuous flare since we moved in here four months ago.

My depression is compounded by the chronic pain which is constant and I have gained even more weight as I cannot move much. I am close to the Pit of Despair and something that happened yesterday didn't help me much either...

We had to go food shopping yesterday. Chris was bringing the groceries up into the fiver and I was slowly plodding my way towards the steps. A woman who has a caravan near us spoke to Chris then came up to me and offered me her hand as I painfully managed the stairs. I was so grateful and heartened that she bothered to help me. Not many people make the effort. 

At the halfway point wherein the flyscreen door swings out and one has to push it aside, I let go of her hand. I was telling her of the reason we were selling the fiver. At last I made it inside and I turned round to thank her, mid-sentence. She wasn't even there but I could see her almost at her caravan.

My feelings did a downward spiral as I realised I had been talking to myself and I felt again the loneliness of the chronically ill and disabled. From a fleeting feeling of respect and validation, I felt disrespected and my problems considered minor or of no consequence. The chronically ill or disabled will understand what I am speaking about.

We don't ask for constant validation and never ending compassion. We know that the "normals" who don't experience the pain and inconvenience of disease and disability, can't empathise, just sympathise. But what we do ask is that we be heard, respected and validated.  Nothing compounds our physical pain as much as being ignored, made fun of or marginalised. This is important to us..

The "normals" can even help prevent a trip to the Pit of Despair by showing a bit of interest and compassion to us, so please don't be like our neighbour in the caravan park who didn't want to know. 

I am not minimising the power of prayer, and we should pray and talk to the LORD, but we need another listening ear sometimes, but often people don't want to hear us and for all the good it does, we might just as well tell it to our cat. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

Welcome Validation: False Guilt's cousin



Sometimes when I am having a flare of my fibromyalgia, I find that I need to feel validated in my sufferings. Not many people believe that fibromyalgia is real, and when you feel wiped out with chronic fatigue, endless pain and brain fog for weeks at a time, you can suffer from False Guilt. This is a cousin to needing Validation. So, feeling like that, I decided to look up some sites and recap the symptoms of the complaint. Here they are:

Fibromyalgia produces widespread pain, disturbed sleep, and exhaustion from head to toe.1 Fibromyalgia means pain in the muscles, ligaments, and tendons—the soft fibrous tissues of the body. Although the muscles hurt everywhere, they are not the only cause of the pain. Instead, the diffuse, body-wide symptoms are greatly magnified by malfunctions in the way the nervous system processes pain.2,3

Regional muscle pain not related to arthritis or the nervous system also occurs in the majority of people with fibromyalgia.4 Patients describe this as firm knots in the belly of muscles, often causing restricted movement and radiating pain.5 These muscle nodules are myofascial trigger points and some researchers suspect that these painful areas overlap with the tender points used to diagnose fibromyalgia.6

The symptoms of fibromyalgia are unpredictable and most patients are frustrated by their physical limitations and inability to make plans. You may feel as though you have to "push yourself" to get things done.7

Most patients with fibromyalgia say that their muscles feel like they have been pulled or overworked, and sometimes they twitch or cramp.8 Even the skin may feel badly sunburned.9 To help your family and friends relate to your fibromyalgia symptoms, have them think back to the last time they had a bad flu. Every muscle in their body shouted out in pain. In addition, they felt devoid of energy as though someone had unplugged their power supply.

Given that the symptoms may be similar to a viral flu, experts in the field of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome believe that these two illnesses may be one and the same.10 Gulf War syndrome also overlaps with these two conditions.11
Common symptoms:

Pain - Fibromyalgia pain has no boundaries. People describe the pain as deep muscular aching, throbbing, shooting, stabbing, or intense burning. Quite often, the pain and stiffness are worse in the morning, and muscle groups that are used repetitively may hurt more.12 In addition, the severity of regional pains (particularly those in the head, neck, shoulders and lower back) are a strong predictor of a person's overall pain rating.13 The muscles in these painful areas can feel tight, knotted and rope-like. Pressing on the firm, knotted region hurts and often causes the pain to shoot to other muscles when a myofascial trigger point is present.

Fatigue - This symptom can be one of the most incapacitating for people with fibromyalgia. Patients may feel as though their arms and legs are weighted down by concrete blocks and their bodies may be so drained of energy that every task is an effort.7

Memory and Concentration - Difficulty concentrating and retaining new information may seriously interfere with everyday mental tasks.14 This symptom is referred to as "fibro fog" and may hinder job opportunities. In particular, fibromyalgia patients have serious difficulty retaining new information if they are distracted.15

Sleep Disorders - Patients report trouble falling asleep and more importantly staying asleep, but the unrefreshing quality is what makes the disorder much worse than insomnia. Repeat arousals prevent patients from reaching deep, restorative sleep.16 As a result, the night is spent in "quasi-sleep" and patients wake up feeling as though they have been run over by a Mack truck. An overnight sleep study will likely show repeat arousals with bursts of awake-like brain activity occurring throughout the night, but a specific sleep disorder may not be identified.17

Exercise Difficulties - Moderate intensity exercise activates a powerful pain-relieving system in healthy people, but it makes the pain of fibromyalgia worse.18 This is why initiating an exercise program may make you achy and tired. However, if you do not exercise on a regular basis, the performance of normal daily living activities will start to cause more pain. Rather than give in to the increased pain sensitivity related to exercise, patients are advised to do mild exercise in short intervals (such as five minutes at a time) to keep the muscles fit while not over-taxing them. A study in Sweden revealed that half of the fibromyalgia patients found it impossible or difficult to climb stairs and a majority of patients could not run. Just standing for five minutes was extremely taxing to one-fourth of the patients.19

Irritable Bowel Syndrome - Constipation, diarrhea, frequent abdominal pain and bloating, abdominal gas, and nausea represent symptoms commonly found in roughly 40 to 70 percent of fibromyalgia patients.20

Chronic Headaches - Recurrent migraine or tension headaches are experienced by 50 to 70 percent of fibromyalgia patients. Most headaches are rated as severe, occur at least two times per week, and often have a migraine component.21 Referred pain from myofascial trigger points in the shoulder, neck, and head muscles are suspected to be responsible for most tension-type headache and also play a role in migraines.22

Jaw Pain - Temporomandibular joint dysfunction causes tremendous jaw-related face and head pain and affects one-quarter of fibromyalgia patients. Typically, the problems are related to the muscles and ligaments surrounding the jaw joint and not necessarily the joint itself.23

Other Common Symptoms - Non-cardiac chest pain, acid reflux, irregular heart beat or palpitations, shortness of breath, numbness and tingling sensations, the feeling of swollen extremities, chemical sensitivities, nasal congestion, premenstrual syndrome and painful periods, irritable bladder, interstitial cystitis, vulvodynia (vulvar pain), difficulty focusing eyes, dry or burning eyes and mouth, dizziness or feeling faint, profuse sweating, muscle weakness and balance issues can occur.24,25,26 Fibromyalgia patients are often sensitive to odors, loud noises, bright lights, some foods, and often the medications that they are prescribed.27

Aggravating Factors - Changes in weather, cold or drafty environments, hormonal fluctuations (premenstrual and menopausal states), stress, depression, anxiety, and over-exertion can all contribute to fibromyalgia symptom flare-ups.12
Fibromyalgia Quick Facts

* Affects 3 to 5 percent of the general population28
* Occurs in people of all ages, even children
* Men develop fibromyalgia too, although more women are diagnosed with it
* Symptoms are chronic but may fluctuate throughout the day
* Roughly one-quarter of people with fibromyalgia are work-disabled12

The general consensus here in Australia is that fibromyalgia is all in ones' head and that the sufferer is a malingerer. Certainly this exacerbates False Guilt and invites his cousin, Validation into the scene. Although I am aware of false guilt leading to me wanting to feel validated, I still succumb to it at times of prolonged flares such as this one I am experiencing at the moment.

I have *every* one of these symptoms, so I feel validated. So welcome Validation: hopefully he and his cousin won't be staying long!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Psalm 31:24

Have a good cry


So anyone who knows me, knows I am not a woman who cries easily. I am stoic and try to overcome my disabling symptoms. 

Yesterday, after seeing my useless and unfeeling doctor, I got home and the pain in my joints, the muscles tearing and the pain in my calf and back and chest reached a crescendo in a climax of searing agony. I just bowed my head and cried. Not loudly, but deep from within like a soda that's been shaken up and then uncapped. 

It was messy. It was wet. But it was healing. Finally, when I had cleaned up my face and wiped my eyes, I realised that it was OK to cry. And it was healing. The pain in my chest abated. I think an occasional cry is therapeutic.

So next time you fight back tears: don't. Let the healing tears come. Have a good cry. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? Psalm 56:8

Thoughts as the day comes to an end


I honestly never thought I would ever face the day I didn't have a bath or take a shower every day. Or put it on my to do list. Or have to factor it in, weighing up pros and cons of using too many spoons or not.

I never thought I would ever flake out on my bed after taking a bath or shower, too exhausted to dry myself, instead allowing the ducted air from the heater vent to dry me off.

Never did I envision myself too sore to put on a bra, or too stiff and sore to put my leg through my knickers or leggings, or having to call for assistance to put on my socks and shoes.

I could never have imagined my days spent in a dressing gown or house robe, with my slippers my only comfort in a world of pain. Forgoing clothes too hard to don and that make me itch mercilessly.

I can never imagine being thought of with compassion by outsiders who do not suffer from chronic illness or pain. Who judge without knowing facts. And their judgement is cruelly wrapped up in a word. Lazy.

Now I can never dream of doing these things that I took for granted in healthier years. But I can dream of things I can still do in the privacy of my home. Accept what is. Create my own new normal. Reach out to others like me. And pray.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"So teach [usto number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

When your world is turned upside down



When one is first diagnosed with an illness, it is quite common to be in disbelief or even denial. After all, some illnesses come as a shock and have the potential to change our life forever. This requires us to rethink how we will cope with the illness, its treatment and life in general.

Sometimes we struggle to get a grip of the ramifications that illness makes in our life, but sooner or later, we are going to have to get our head around the fact that things will change. To function, they have to.

If diagnosis of an illness has caused a depression which lingers for more than a few weeks or causes panic attacks, I suggest that a doctor is seen for antidepressants. These may be needed only short term until the illness is accepted. And it must be accepted sooner or later.

Only in coming to terms with being chronically ill, can we make plans to handle the changes that being ill will bring. We will need to plan our days as wives, mothers and homemakers. (See Lists)
We must cling to Jesus and allow Him to minimise the shock and help us regain our focus. We must also plan our treatments and care.

Scary as it is, chronic illness must be addressed as soon as we are able... our future and our family's future depend on us accepting our illness so that we can move on. Easier said than done when your world has been turned upside down.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

Recognising false guilt

As a chronically ill woman, I know too well the false guilt we all feel when we can't get enough energy up to do what we long to do. We know what we should be doing, and we want to but our bodies are tired and hurting. Although God reminds us and shows us what direction we should be taking, He does understand that our bodies are but dust and has compassion on us. The false guilt comes from the Evil One. Listening to him brings on depression and compounds our problems...

Likewise, we often get in a spin trying to work out how to serve the LORD and we feel that we come way short of the mark during times of illness. We often miss the fact that we are serving Him in our homes and in our family life in spite of not spinning our wheel as fast as we would like. Service starts with a heart choice and doesn't depend on perfection. We can serve God even as we battle illness or fatigue. It's not about how fast we spin our wheel, but if we want to and then try to! And as FlyLady says, "Housework done imperfectly still blesses your family!"

Because I battle with illness constantly and walk that weary path every day, I see that you can have a servant's heart but can still bear an extra load in false guilt. For those of you who do, I pray that you can talk kindly to yourself and learn to have more compassion on yourself- the road is not easy and you will find many others who have fallen along the way, giving up the battle and feeling overwhelmed. I do not believe the LORD wants that for us...

I highly recommend Sylvia of Christian Homekeeper's lists on homemaking for the chronically ill woman. I follow that closely (adapted for my own home) and it helps me no end.... Physically and emotionally. Through following Sylvia's lists, I can usually lay down the burden of false guilt and still have a reasonably clean and tidy home.

May God bless you as you purposely and diligently serve Him in your home, in spite of your pain.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Even to your old age, I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you!  I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you.  Isaiah 46:4

They suffer in silence


I write to encourage chronically ill women, but I know there are many men who follow with us, walking the long weary journey of pain with all its' ramifications. 

Men are often the butt of jokes regarding "man flu" and so on, making out that  they can't cope with pain or illness like we women. They are made out to be babies when it comes to illness: but I beg to differ.

I have seen chronic illness in men first hand with my own father and later step-father. Dad died at 50 and in his short life he battled through 8 heart attacks and 3 strokes. Even feeling at his worst, usually only a few weeks after a heart attack, he would front up to work in order to keep Mum and us 4 children. Even when taped up with broken ribs, Dad still went to work every day. He was my hero!

Forever stoic, he amazed the doctors when just days after his open heart surgery he raised his arms high during physio, ignoring the pain. He was determined to work through it all and get on with his life. Sadly this didn't happen and he died just 6 weeks after from complications. 

My step-father fought a brave battle with emphysema, forever cheerful through gasped breaths. He too worked through pain to keep his family with 3 children and took on the role of carer for his first wife as she fought a brave battle with breast cancer. It was very rare that he bemoaned his twisted hands with arthritis from working outdoors filling petrol tanks on cars docked on the wharf and walking miles every day up and down those wharves.

So stoic was my step-father that the day before he died when he felt a bit agitated, I massaged his feet and cut his toenails, only to find the most deformed and gnarled feet that it took my breath away. Not a word of complaint all those years at work! 

I sometimes wonder why ill men often don't make a fuss about their illness. I believe it is because men have been portrayed as strong at all times. And they certainly never cry. Yet to me, it would be somewhat therapeutic if they could cry, even in private. 

Tears could come for all the physical pain involved in illness, all the anxiety of tests or chemo or surgeries or even needles. And surely a tear could expel some deep fears of not being able to earn enough to provide not only for family, but medical aid. But you rarely find a man will allow himself to break down, even momentarily.

It is common knowledge that most men won't see a doctor until they are truly ill. They continue steadfastly working and hoping that what ails them will pass. They are no sissy as jokes proclaim.

I do not like jokes about sick men. They (you if you are a man), carry not only the burden of their illness, but the burden of being a provider. They carry the burden of society's stereo-typing of their gender. Tough. Unbreakable. Superhuman. A big burden which causes tired shoulders to wilt. 

To the sick men out there, I pray that you will find someone or somewhere to let down your guard and facade.  I pray not only for your healing physically, but emotionally. I am praying for you to be respected as worthy of compassion and care. I want those who you serve and for whom you strive every. single. day. to appreciate your sacrificial love for them. And I want validation for you as chronically ill people. 

 You guys rock! So thank you from all of us who know you and love you. May the LORD richly bless you as you suffer in silence. For despite the jokes, reality says that you really do.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 1:2

Like a beetle on its' back


So I have managed to get up onto the X-ray table with great difficulty. It was so narrow that my sides were almost going over the edges. I was assured that I would only need a few pix of my spine and to be honest, I was glad about that. 

Anyone who has had an X-ray when their back was screaming for mercy would know that they aren't the most comfortable of beds, so I settled uncomfortably, glad that it promised not be a long drawn out affair like an MRI.

My previous X-rays on my hands were no problem at all. But this back and neck pain being investigated by X-ray was proving to be a challenge. I lay there praying that the first set of pictures would be sufficient so that I could escape back to the safety of my home. 

They had wedged some foam under my side and it was making my back muscles go into spasm and cramp. There was no give in the sterile table on which I lay and my fibromyalgia was making everything feel like torture.

The first sets of films were fine but the technician decided to take a few more pix higher up towards my neck. By the time I was allowed to get off the table, I was as stiff as a board. 

I tried to raise myself up, but the pain in my muscles and neck made me flap and flail around helplessly. Like a drowning man, I jerked around trying to sit up whilst the technician retreated behind the screen. 

Things were getting desperate as I saw that the table hadn't been lowered and the drop was great enough to make me fearful. So, with a final grunt as I pushed forward and slumped back, I called out in desperation for the technician to come and help me.

Finally upright, my head momentarily swam and I gripped the edge of the bed. Seeing my dizziness, the technician pushed my shoes towards me. I tried to lower myself off the bed again, and my knee with the torn meniscus gave way.

Down I came and fortunately the technician was able to break my fall: and not for the first time, I wondered why they don't help their patients a bit more. Arthritis, shot knees, Sheurrmann's Disease, ankylosing spondylitis, Polymyalgia rheumatica, fibromyalgia with obesity thrown in for good measure makes a good case for help getting on and off the table. 

I just think that some people don't realise the limitations of chronic illness and disability. Sometimes I need their help. It's either that, or try and pick me up after I've fallen to the floor, landing like a beetle on its' back. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

With the Psalmist, let us dwell on God for our strength as we cry, "I love you LORD my strength!" Psalm 18:1

Don't feel guilty for being a woman

As a friend of mine  said,   women  are  made to feel so guilty for being women-   wanting  to marry,   stay   home and  keep  house and  mother  our  children!    We  have  nothing to  thank  the  feminist movement for. .. our identity as women  has  been  trampled  on  and  we who  wish to stay at  home  have had  that dream sullied by strident women who have penis envy!

We women are created to nurture. It is in our nature to pick up a dolly and embrace her from the time we can grasp her and bring her to our chest and lips... it is entirely natural for us to offer that dolly sustenance from a toy bottle or even our breast, in imitation of our mothers feeding younger siblings...

How many of us have received a cup of tea from tiny teacups, sipping it slowly to delight our little hostesses who are still too young to be entrusted with real teapots and teacups?  Or watched the toddler girl trying to tuck her baby into her tiny dolly's pram, covering its head completely and far too young to really tuck her in? -yet her tenderness and concern is charming to watch...

Now the feminists try to tell us that we are responsible for training our daughters to become servile, and meek and weak, forcing them into a life of subservience that thwarts their potential both personally and financially.  It is easy to see that the majority of these feminists have not mothered sons who will toddle up to a dolly and proceed to poke at her eyes and twist her joints and disrobe her in an attempt to see how she works... his interest is one of inquisitiveness.... he too is doing what comes naturally to him. Working things out in a practical way...

Feminists have been instrumental in promoting contraception and abortion on demand.  They have stolen a lot of women's dreams of being mothers and have often lied to them about consequences that they say are  detrimental to them- mostly career achievements that in the end leave them with empty arms and ashes in their mouth. 

Even the married woman is convinced that her desire to be a mother is misplaced, especially if her desire is for a large family, and sadly even in some churches, this is seen to be an ambition that is frowned upon.  Yet God Himself has placed the desire to bear children and to bring children up, in our hearts.  Yet many feel guilty that they have these desires.... desires which are God given and good.

What God considers of great importance, creating a happy home for the raising of children unto Him, with the blessing of marriage and a committed father, is being destroyed by feminists who are often self-proclaimed lesbian man-haters... women who see marriage as a male invention of tyranny and control, and pregnancy as the undesirable biological entrapment of their gender...

From an early age a little girl will often be fascinated by brides and all the trimmings of a wedding, and again this is natural.  Yet feminists have now managed to influence girls to delay getting married or to cohabit without expecting or even wanting to be married, and again we find the women of today who secretly long to be married feeling guilty for desiring something that really is their birthright as women.  Feminism has taken away that which is precious to our identity as women- being a wife and enjoying the security and esteem that being married brings to a woman who loves her man...

Whilst some feminists did marry and have children, most divorced as their feminist ways weren't conducive to a happy marriage.  Still others cohabited but remained voluntarily childless... many took lesbian lovers..

Now not everyone is called to be married and mothers, but these feminist women have so trampled on our natural identity as women that young women and girls are feeling guilty for being women! They are so confused with what they want in life that they are not only guilty that they want marriage, home and children  but that they are also afraid.  They are often forced to excel at school and university in order to provide for themselves, and are often in the position of finding out that even though they do now want marriage and motherhood, that they have left their run too late.

Thanks to feminism making women guilty and afraid of their womanhood, many women who in the natural scheme of things, should already be wives and mothers, are doomed to remain single.  Or, hearing the biological clock  ticking, they find their only option to at least become mothers limited to a one night stand or artificial insemination.... hardly ideal for the foundation of a new family...

I know this is true because I have an acquaintance who has fallen for the feminists' lies and who now has found herself in exactly that position.... we are waiting to see how she approaches being childless, which reportedly happened to Germaine Greer after she discovered she did in fact want a child but was unable to have one....

All this feminist clap-trap has done nothing for womankind but heap coals of fire on young women's heads. What should be a natural God-given course of life for a woman has been thwarted and defiled... Countless women have actually become victims of feminists' lies and are destined to live out lonely sad lives... lives rich in worldly possessions but poor in those things of eternal value.

I am sorry for the young women today who feel guilty for being a woman.... I pray that they will come to realise that they are victims of feminist women who tried to liberate them from the good things God had for them, but who instead bound them up in chains of regret and longings that they will have to endure for the rest of their lonely lives...

Please ladies, don't let feminists make you feel guilty for being a woman...

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Psalm 127:3