"We give You thanks"

                                              

"We Give You Thanks"

Lord, as we gather at this table
May we be truly grateful
For the bounty You have given us.
We thank you for the earth and rain,
The good harvest and the wholesome grain
That went into our daily bread
And kept the stock that kept us fed.
Thank you for the hands that cooked and baked,
And for the water that our thirst slaked.
Please accept our thanks as we honour You
For Your goodness in giving us this food.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of [our] lips giving thanks to his name. Hebrews 13:15

When our world is turned upside down

When one is first diagnosed with an illness, it is quite common to be in disbelief or even denial. After all, some illnesses come as a shock and have the potential to change our life forever. This requires us to rethink how we will cope with the illness, its treatment and life in general.

Sometimes we struggle to get a grip of the ramifications that illness makes in our life, but sooner or later, we are going to have to get our head around the fact that things will change. To function, they have to.

If diagnosis of an illness has caused a depression which lingers for more than a few weeks or causes panic attacks, I suggest that a doctor is seen for antidepressants. These may be needed only short term until the illness is accepted. And it must be accepted sooner or later.

Only in coming to terms with being chronically ill, can we make plans to handle the changes that being ill will bring. We will need to plan our days as wives, mothers and homemakers. (See Lists)
We must cling to Jesus and allow Him to minimise the shock and help us regain our focus. We must also plan our treatments and care.

Scary as it is, chronic illness must be addressed as soon as we are able... our future and our family's future depend on us accepting our illness so that we can move on. Easier said than done when your world has been turned upside down.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

It makes my spoons quiver!

So yesterday we had more family come for Christmas. We had a lovely lunch, feasting on the abundant leftovers from the feast on Christmas Day. 

Because I had pushed myself physically the day before, my fibromyalgia was flaring and my back was spasming because I had been on my feet preparing food for a long time. I was feeling overwhelmed.

I was feeling hospitable, it was just because of pain that the day was on a downer for me personally. I tried my best to be cheerful. We Fibromites and chronically ill people become consumate actors in playing the cheerful game.

My step-daughter was very gracious and helped me make teas and coffees and carve left over ham, and not for the first time, I was very grateful to her.

With 35C temperatures- 95F, I was also very grateful for our air conditioner. The dining area was very comfortable and we passed a pleasant day.

My little 4 year old great-granddaughter Evie came to me and asked me to show her my bedroom. So taking my hand, she led me to my room, looked at the ensuite, and declared, "Nana, I love your house, and I love you too!"  It made my day.

Her declaration of love warms my heart even now as I talk to you. I am sitting here in fibro pain with my two freshly broken purple toes throbbing. (I kicked the corner of the dining table leg, collecting two toes for the price of one.) But the happiness of my little lovely Evie's declaration overshadows even the pain today.

The house is tidy, the washing in the machine and the Christmas tree and decorations are put away. My robotic vacuums have been run today. We are now officially post Christmas.

We placed the tree still decorated into a closet that is empty, and should the LORD tarry, it will be a simple matter to reinstall it next year. Not that I really can imagine another Christmas right now. 

Quite simply, nice as it was, it makes my few remaining spoons quiver! 

Right where she loves to be!

Our white cat, Xena loves being near me. She always follows me around and sleeps with me as well. I guess she's her mother's girl.

She can be a bit jealous though. When Chris comes in to say goodnight and tuck me in and he always gets greeted with "nooooo!" from her. Especially when he kisses me. For that, she always gets up and comes to me, rubbing my hand or licking it.

Whenever we sit on the couch watching TV together, Xena jumps up and wiggles her way between us. We find it endearing and amusing.

Recently we got a new desk for my study nook and there's plenty of room for her favourite daytime sleep- her igloo. So knowing how close she loves to be- usually lying over my keyboard as I try to type- I put her igloo up on the desk in the corner, very close to me. She loves it!

We both love this house and feel really nurtured here. And so does Xena- and why not?- she's right where she loves to be! 

Silly season's begun already!

 

This year because we finally have a larger home, I am hosting Christmas Day lunch. As always, I need to plan and pace myself because of my chronic fatigue, so I am looking into buying my foods and gifts early.

I know I am going to have a fibromyalgia flare by Boxing Day, but it will be worth it to have some good memories. Sometimes you just have to push yourself or you never do anything. I am looking forward to it! But to minimise any major flare after Christmas and leading up to it, I am planning already!

Last weekend our 10 year old granddaughter Taylah came and she loves Christmas and decorating, so we gave her the tree and decorations and told her if she wants, she can decorate it. She wanted to!

So except for Grandpa Chris holding her to place the star, she did it all by herself. We think she did a sterling job!

To be honest, if we weren't hosting lunch this year, we probably wouldn't be bothered with the tree but with family coming, it seemed worth the effort. So the tree is up albeit early. With both of us feeling under the weather, and with a little willing helper, it is cheerful and jolly. And good timing!

Taylah placed the solar lights so that the tree turns on at dusk and turns off at dawn. So there's no upkeep and even though the tree is minimalist by most standards, it still heralds in the festive season.

All we have left to do for decorating is putting the wreath on the front door, but it seems a little too soon to go public yet and let everyone know that at Hicks' House, the silly season's begun already!

Of apples and rosy cheeks

This weekend we had our 10 year old granddaughter, Taylah come and stay with us. We had a lot of fun and part of that fun was making apple roses.

My fibromyalgia was really bad and I explained my need for a nana nap by relating the meaning behind the spoons. She totally understood and in fact told me to go have a nap and she would call me in half an hour.

True to her word, she woke me in half an hour, but my body whimpered and said, "No way!" However, because we had made a "pinky promise" and I wanted to keep it, I dragged myself out of bed.

We stayed up until 11 on Saturday night because it wasn't a school night, and we slept until midday. I couldn't believe that I had slept that long. Tay must have needed it too.

We baked  apple roses and kept some aside for when her mum and sister came to pick her up. It was the first time they had seen our new house. I rarely see them these days. 

I was happy that we had made more memories when I said goodbye to them and so was my little Tay, looking lovely and rosy cheeked, clutching a few more apple roses for them to enjoy later.

Between my nana naps!

 

Today is Saturday morning here. I have had a busy week with doctors appointments and physio for my daughter who is doing really well. 

My son had a possible cancer in his bowels, but the first test was a false alarm and to be honest, it made me anxious. I didn't realise how anxious until he was cleared. 

This son was born with a forceps injury to his eye- it looks normal but he has very little sight in it. He has developed a pterygium or sun damage in his good eye and has surgery next Friday to remove the growth because it is growing across his eye and may interfere with his vision. I will be glad when it's done and his eye has recovered. 

All this has given me the Mother of all Flares. My fibromyalgia is killing me at the moment and I am taking frequent naps to cope with it. I have a few housework chores to do and some folding up of clean washing. I will do it- in between my nana naps! 

For me, it's spoons!

It's Sunday morning here. I have brought in the online groceries and checked them off and put them away. 

I will soon be taking Chris's bloods and doing breakfast. Breakfast will be eggs and bacon and a cup of tea. Lunch will be ham and salad sandwiches. For dinner, I am doing a vegetable intensive beef stew. Fresh fruit for desert.

There's a hamper of clean clothes to fold and then I will be up to date with washing. Later I plan to make some coleslaw, if spoons permit. 

That's about it for today, except for cooking dinner. I don't want to put myself into another fibromyalgia flare or I won't have spoons to help my daughter tomorrow. As I always say: most jugglers juggle balls, for me it's spoons! 

Bushed but satisfied.

Today we have no physio or doctor appointments so we can stay home. I am ploughing through 3 loads of washing and I have to clean my kitchen. 

I am cooking a pork stew in the slow cooker. Chris is feeling unwell and is sleeping a lot. I would be if I could with my fibromyalgia flaring, but I am waiting for the cleaner to come.

I have finally found a cleaner who can fit both DD Dianne and my homes in for a clean once a fortnight. They are doing hers at 2pm and ours at 4pm today. 

Although my Roomba is doing a great job, it needs someone to get into the corners it misses so I will ask the cleaner to do that. Basically it's my floors and bathrooms that need cleaning today with the beds changed starting next Wednesday week. 

We only have Chris's "man cave" to sort out now- the rest is done and the place looks nice. We are totally bushed, but it a satisfying feeling to look around and see it all come together.

I think I could sleep on the freeway.

We visited the doctor today.  I have extremely high blood pressure which the doctor feels is due to my fibromyalgia pain.  It has flared since the move and I have gone grey overnight.

He is increasing my antidepressants as I am stressed to the max. He believes they may help in my fibro pain. He has not offered anything for pain as yet. 

I feel totally exhausted and I need to help Dianne for the next month as she can't drive.  My spoons are gone before I surface each day.

My exhaustion is such that my legs feel like they can't hold me up. Yet like helping my daughter and looking after my sick husband, there are things that just have to be done.

My grandson walked to our place from school today and found no clean cups for a drink. I told him he will have to wash one out for himself as I have been so unwell that I haven't been able to stack the dishwasher.  

He selected a picnic cup instead of washing one and then asked to be driven home. I felt guilty that my kitchen is a mess but Chris has fluid build up in his lungs due to living with heart failure and hasn't been able to help.

As a fellow counter of spoons, he has to save them for driving Dianne to doctors' appointments and physio, so I do not ask that he helps with the housework.

My extra antidepressants are kicking in and I am feeling tired as we speak. I must straighten my bed first as it is very uncomfortable as it is. I need a good night's sleep.

It is true that you sleep better in a tidy bed. The way I feel right now, I think I could sleep on the freeway. 

I am too tired to shout!

Today is Monday morning. I have to do some washing and restack the dishwasher. I have run Sadie the Roomba and am about to do bloods, meds and breakfast. 

Later on at 11 a man is coming to do some flatpacks of furniture for us. I am hopeless at this and Chris can't do it anymore. It's a coffee table and TV lowline unit. It's $40 an hour but we had to factor that in when we bought them. It is what it is! 

At 2.30 we have to pick Dianne up and take her to a doctor's appointment. Then I have to go to the chemist and get her meds made up. 

It's supposed to rain for the next 10 days and the rain has been consistently heavy and constant. I think we are going to need an ark soon.  It is making my fibromyalgia worse, and I am pushing myself to get Di to doctors and physio. 

I will neverthless be busy with doctors and physio for the rest of the week and possibly next two weeks or more. I am glad Di's knee has been done though. It's all over bar the shouting! With no spoons at all, I am too tired to shout! 

You just got to pass it on!

I ran our new irobot roomba vacuum last night. Xena hated it and ran under the bed. Roomba chased her under it and she came out like a scalded cat and bushy tailed. 

Don't worry, she got lots of cuddles afterwards, but it was the funniest thing that's happened in a long time. 

I highly recommend a roomba. It's very easy to operate and manages interchanging between carpets and tiled floors. It's really great when you have cats or dogs as it gets the fur vacuumed up easily. 

Last night ours kept bumping into things as my phone is too old to download the app to schedule and program it. It still did a great job. I am keen to see how much better it does when I update my phone.

We are just staying home this weekend as there's going to be a few days of physios and doctors for Dianne next week. Being oldies, we are bushed! But ya gotta do what ya gotta do! Fibro flare or not!

I am not getting paid for advertising roomba but when you find something that helps with fibromyalgia and other chronic illnesses, you just have to pass it on! 

Pain is a disability

Anyone who suffers from chronic pain knows that it precludes us from a lot of enjoyment of life. Pain makes the vicissitudes of life that much harder to bear. 

Everything is exaggerated both physically and mentally, and the only thing I can do is accept that this is not my usual self, for pain changes people.

Pain disables us in many ways. from physical activity. from family life. from sex. from sleep. from patience. from social life. from functioning normally. from life generally.

The effects of pain cause us to withdraw from people and become reclusive. It makes us feel isolated and unable to really feel understood or validated. We learn to be distrustful of others.

Because chronic pain, in my case fibromyalgia, causes us so much mental as well as physical angst, we decide to retreat to our home often preferring it even if we had enough spoons to leave.

Seeing as pain is such a disabling affliction, it makes no sense to me that we are often regarded by doctors with suspicion when we request heavy duty pain relief such as opiates.

Most of us cannot get enough medication to adequately help us with our pain. We often then succumb to depression and live as recluses  due to agoraphobia. 

We who suffer from chronic pain know that it is a disability. Invisible and destructive. We live in the knowledge that pain is disabling. 

We just wish doctors were as aware of the ongoing relentless disability called Pain.

On the move again!

We have been busy looking for another home to rent. It's been a nightmare. There aren't many homes to rent and when we apply, we are vying with about 20 other people for the same home.

Most days we have to go to look at these houses and as we are in the country, it is at least an hour's drive each day. I am exhausted.

So much exhaustion is hard to take, especially when it brings on a fibromyalgia flare. But as in lots of things in life, it just has to be done.

I think the most stressful part is actually securing a property to move in to. The actual move is not so bad, and this time we will be paying my grandson to help us move.

With the fifth wheel and tow vehicle sold, we are in a position to get someone to do the move for us and it's especially important with our failing health to enlist help this time.

We are going to miss the birdlife here for sure, but with us being in our 70's, we have decided that we need to be closer to family and hospitals if we have an emergency.

This house is old and has no insulation and is incredibly cold and it's our winter now. With the price of electricity going up on July first, we won't be able to afford the heating in our all electric dwelling.

We are feeling the cold and are looking forward to ducted heating again.

Today there's no house viewings as it's Saturday. I have used the time to catch up on washing and I have two slow cookers going with different meals in them.

I am contemplating using Prednisolone for a few days so that my neck and jaw pain (TMJ) abates. I don't know if it will help my muscle pain in my shoulder and upper pain, but it can't hurt.

Today is the first day for awhile that I have been able to post as my muscles feel like they're tearing. But I just wanted to touch base and tell you what's happening in our part of the world at the moment.

Next week is another day of house hunting and tonight I feel like I am running on a wing and a prayer- on the move again!

 

We just have to embrace it

We have been looking for another house closer to family. We have applied for one yesterday and had a phone call from the real estate this morning which sounded positive. 

Our fiver got to South Australia to its new owner and they rang us to tell us how pleased they were with it. So that's good. 

We are taking our GMC Sierra to the mechanic for a good overhaul Monday and then we will decide what we will do with it. Over here they are seen as a luxury ute and we think a young buck would love it. That's what we are hoping. 

My twin and son and granddaughter continue to recover from Covid but are still very much under the weather with it. 

I am convinced that our prayers have helped keep my twin. She's so many serious health issues such as lupus and I was afraid for her. 

I have done a load of washing, cleaned my kitchen and am about to make some lunch.  I have a flare of fibromyalgia again and my spoons are nearly all gone.  I will be  taking a nana nap soon.

With an imminent move, I am not looking forward to the energy output, however I am looking forward to being nearer family.

I will miss the birds and our feral cat who is gradually becoming less timid as we feed him. We have named him Teddy Bear as his face is surrounded by bushy fur and he is gingery brown and looks like a teddy.

But I know in  life that one rarely gets everything one wants and so we have weighed up staying or moving. We have decided that we want to be closer to family, particularly our daughter who has had leukaemia.

With a bird bath/feeder and garden swing to take with us, we will continue to feed the birds as we watch from the swing in the garden.

It's true what they say: nothing is sure except death and taxes. Life is full of change. We just have to embrace it.

He's feeling fairly ordinary.

It's been a busy day today. I have a broken off tooth that needs to come out. We had to be at the dentist's by 8.30am and it was an hour long drive. I was being fitted in as an emergency and was warned I could be waiting for up to 2 hours to get seen. 

Two hours passed by waiting and I was then told they couldn't see me today. They gave me a list of dentists I could see but it was too late to be seen today. 

So we drove about an hour away to see a house that we have applied for to rent. It's so nice and the inspection is tomorrow afternoon at 5pm. I hope we are successful. We have told the landlord we are looking and he was fine. 

When I got home I rang a few dentists on the list and I have an appointment midday Thursday for an extraction. My tongue is sore as the tooth is quite sharp. With my fibro flaring and TMJ, I am just about out of my tree with pain. 

My twin sister and my son have Covid and continue to feel sick, but she's feeling a little better, but my son has man flu. I am so glad Chris and I haven't got it....

I am already in my PJ's with my electric blanket on.  I have rung my son to see how he is before I go to bed.  Not so good. He's feeling fairly ordinary. 

 

Or should I say, how little!

It's Wednesday morning here. I have cleaned my kitchen and taken meat out to thaw for dinner. I am going to cook pork chops with mashed potato and greens with gravy.

My sister's son came to visit her for Mother's Day. He brought some homemade scones with cream and jam for her and my nephew to enjoy. They share a house together.

During the visit, he shared that his own son is at home with Covid. Yesterday, he rings and says he's now positive too. With lupus, fibro and other diseases, and with my son with breathing problems, they are worried that they will catch it too. They aren't vaxxed. So far my son and my sister are OK but are getting some RAT's this afternoon. 

Chris is sleeping sitting up on the couch. He really needs to go back to the doctor as he's feeling like he's drowning in fluid. I have been encouraging him to go, but he's very stubborn. Consequently, he doesn't get much sleep and can't lie down. 

It's hard looking after him because of this fear of doctors and hospitals. It's not like he's a child and you just take them....

There's not much else planned for today. My fibromyalgia pain is bad. I'm so glad at this stage of my life that I can decide how much I will do each day. Or should I say, how little!  

More than a cake

So yesterday was my 69th birthday. We went to my twin sisters & my sons house for lunch to celebrate.

I really appreciated my sons' effort at the surprise cake he made for us. He's never made a cake in his life. We sang Happy birthday but we all decided not to light 69 candles in case it set the smoke detectors off. He put a few on for traditions sake.

We bought some KFC and enjoyed the family feast barrell. We had just enough chicken to feed four adults and we found we wouldn't need to have a cooked dinner.

This worked out well as I was suffering with a fibromyalgia flare and in fact almost didn't make it to their place for lunch. You know how it is: you arrange something for the next day, and you don't have any spoons when you wake up.

But as Chris pointed out, he was driving and I didn't have to do anything except sit there. So I went.

The trip is one and a half hours each way and I was so tired on the way home that I fell asleep in the car, garotting myself on the seat belt.

So not having to cook when I got home was a blessing. We just had some fruit and a cup of tea. It was enough.

My son lives with my twin who is ill with lupus. He's her carer. He cooks plain meals but never has baked a cake before. So when he brought out his birthday cake, I was more than a little surprised: and the other surprise was that it tasted good as well!

As we blew out the candles, his face was glowing with pride and satisfaction. I saw more than cake yesterday: I saw love!

Oh no, no ho ho

So we had our little granddaughter Taylah for a few days, and picked her up Friday, but it didn't go to plan. After a full day, in spite of me making an effort to play with her and give her my full attention, she decided she wanted to go home. 

She said she missed her mother, and so we made the 2 hour trip each way to drop her off again. Even though I didn't drive, I was exhausted. Even being a passenger is gruelling when you have a fibromyalgia flare, angina, sore back and broken knees that throb with every heart beat.

I had bought a rolling pin with the nativity on it and planned to make Christmas cookies as gifts. Well, I did make cookies as promised with Taylah helping me, but not the ones I planned to give away. They were plain cookies. 

When I told her we had to refrigerate the dough for a couple of hours, she said she didn't want to have to wait. So the Christmas cookies didn't come to pass. 

The Mother of all Flares has come to pay me yet another visit- or maybe I just haven't recovered from the last one. I am feeling so exhausted I could collapse. So yesterday I had a nana nap and went to bed earlier than normal.

I was hoping that would do the trick and give me some wind under my sails, but in truth I awoke with no spoons. No spoons on Christmas Eve is a disaster!

We were supposed to leave our home around 11am today and visit my children and grandchildren but I felt unsteady on my feet, due to wonky knees, foggy in head due to fibro and hurting so badly with my spinal stenosis that I had to cancel.

Tomorrow we are supposed to see Taylah open her presents, visit my sister and son for lunch and go to my step-daughter's for afternoon tea before driving the two hours home before dark.

Truthfully, unless I have a miracle, we won't be going. After I finish chatting to you, I will be letting the Tramadol work by going to bed to rest. I really want to feel better.

As much as I love my family and Christmas, it would seem that it is going to have to be cancelled. It's a pity but it is what it is! Besides, nobody wants a spaced out whiny woman around them on Christmas Day. And I don't want to her, but unfortunately it's hard with illness to have any ho ho ho.