Morning Cuppas With Glenys : sex

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Behind closed doors revisited

Attention: trigger warning for those who are or were abused!

She came to our Pastors' wife. Battered and worn out from years of domestic violence and abuse, she looked like a frightened and nervous child. At 34, she had seen more violence and had been on the receiving end of more blows than most people even dreamed about.

Not knowing why exactly she had come, she sought the Pastors wife out for prayer and godly advice, not really expecting anything more than an arm around her and Gods' peace- for she needed Him so desperately!

With her stomach aching and bruised in places one never sees, she told her sad tale of spousal rape, an assault that not only caused much physical damage 5 weeks after major womens' surgery, but which left her terrified of her husband. Sleeping in the bed with him was a torment that birthed nightmares and a feeling of suffocation: an aftermath of him smothering out her screams with her pillow.

What did this hurting woman receive? Certainly not compassion: her ears rang as she was told that he had his needs! After all, 5 weeks is a long time for a man! She replied that she had just had surgery. Stitches. Repairs! She was feeling dreadfully alone and condemned. Especially when she was told that there are other things you could do for him! Oh yes, but not to a cold man who disliked kissing and other displays of affection.

Choking on her tears, the frightened wife told her that she hadn't denied him, had just asked for gentleness this one time. But what followed was the worst rape and rage that she had ever known in her then 18 years of marriage.

Unable to share this in public and afraid to cast her husband in a bad light with her family, she turned to the only place where she could perhaps find her God and feel Him in her life again. A God Who watched silently while she suffered, it seemed to her.

Instead she was thrown to the lions. Shot by her own. Condemned and made to feel ashamed and guilty for the act of a sadistic man. Betrayed and humiliated, she left the Pastors' office after being further admonished to cook better, forgive and forget and to remember that he was an unbeliever thus a 'poor sinner', unable to help himself. Oh yes, and she was to smile! And with a witness like that, he would be sure to come to Christ! It was almost verbatim the advice that Debi Pearl gives in her dangerous book, Created To Be His Helpmeet. And the book hadn't even been written!

Where is this woman today? Well, fortunately, God did meet her in her darkest hour. She cooked better, prayed harder, believed for a miracle of love to be born, stayed for another 7 years and suffered from sleep deprivation and fear. She walked on egg shells but kept believing that God would change her husband.

Finally, unable to keep any food down for fear, she decided that she couldn't bear any more. She timidly approached her husband one night, and asked him to seek marriage counselling or she would be gone in the morning. His response was the same as always: he had done nothing wrong. Marriage counselling was a waste of time he said: indeed, he wouldn't know for he opted not to attend each time a session had been arranged. She told him she would be gone in the morning and he agreed, "OK, go!"

She took only the clothes on her back and her baby photos, carried in two garbage bags for she was afraid to take anything that he would come after her for. She found a church that was compassionate and loving. She divorced him. Four years later, God blessed her with a godly new husband who loves her and who allowed her to start living at the ripe old age of 45! And her children rejoiced for her!

What would this woman say to you if you are abused? She would tell you to use sound judgement and remove yourself and your children from all harm. She would say that you should give your abusive husband time to repent before initiating divorce proceedings, and that you should give God time to work in your husbands' heart.

However, she would say that if there is no change after a few years or if there is threat of him coming after you, that you should consider a divorce. Life is precious and she now knows that we serve a God Who cares deeply about what goes on with His children, even behind closed doors.

I know she would advise you not to take to heart the advice for abused wives from Debi and Michael Pearl in Created To Be His Helpmeet, but to use common sense. She also would tell you to stand strong against the stigma you *may* receive if you divorce: your divorce is a matter between you and God and is not the unpardonable sin. He knows what may go on behind closed doors!

Finally, she would tell you to not suffer in silence and risk death as she did. If you are Christians, she would tell you that domestic violence is not a sole practice of the heathen: it *can* and *does* occur in the Church.

She would be the first to put an arm around you and pray for you, admonishing you to never throw away your confidence that is in Christ: no matter where or when trouble comes, He does see and does care. God calls us to live in peace... that is what she would lovingly tell you. I know this because, that girl was me.

Yes, God hates divorce, but He hates more the violence and treachery that leads to it!

Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet [is] she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. Malachi 2:14 Here is a link for help if you are abused

A Spotless Bride

Recently I read about the high incidence of pastors being in involved in pornography. Pornography is sin. It is sex.

As Christians we are called to be apart from the world, not in it. We are called to be holy. We are called to bring our thoughts under the captivity of Christ.

Pastors have a greater accountability to Christ as handlers of the Word. They should not be involved in the works of darkness themselves and should be denouncing it from the pulpit.

Why is pornography wrong? you ask.

Pornography invalidates the one flesh relationship of the covenant of marriage.
It denigrates married love to animal baseness and allows women to be used as sex objects instead of loved tenderly.
Women who engage in pornography also tend to treat men with little respect.
It encourages selfish love making and greater expectation of the act
It can make a woman feel dirty and effects her relationship with her husband if he watches it
It creates a lustful mindset that overflows into the heart and becomes sinful actions.
It encourages a roving eye and Jesus says that is adultery in the heart therefore sin.

Satan has hoodwinked society into believing that pornography is fine, but the results are catastrophic. Everything that God has said is good, Satan has substituted with evil.

Darkness is deepening. Christ is soon to return. Keep oil in your lamps. Keep your garments clean. Present yourself as a spotless Bride. Jesus Christ deserves a pure Bride-and She deserves pure minded pastors that should be leading them in holiness, having holy and clean hands as they touch the Word of God and they must be above reproach! A spotless Bride!

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God -Romans 12:2

Clean enough to be healthy

I have had a perfectionist streak all my life, but in the last twenty or so years of ill health, I have had to learn to be content with a more relaxed approach to my home making.

Where once I would be consumed with (false) guilt because I made our bed without four corner tucks or I had the blankets bumpy on the bed, I have had to make do with a more lenient approach. I simply don't have the energy to do four corner tucks. However, even the bed made up quickly and sporting a lump here or there, is extremely satisfying to me now that I've gotten past the perfectionism.

Mornings are no longer the time for house keeping. I have to fit in what I can over however long it takes me... and be content at the end of the day that I actually got it done...

I no longer allow cleaning schedules to dictate to me what I must achieve in any given day or time frame: it gets done more or less within the schedule but on a time of my choosing. It's the only way a Sacrificial Home Keeper can manage..

In saying that I am no longer a perfectionist, I still like to live in a clean home. For me, there are basic things that are not negotiable. I cannot live my life happily unless these things are clean:

I must be clean.

My clothes must be clean.

My bed must be fresh and clean.

My dishes and cooking utensils must be clean.

I can't stand smelly toilets and these and my bathroom must be clean.

These days I need help to maintain this list of essentials. I do not go into a spin if a fly has died on my window ledge or there is some dust on my furniture. I have learned to accept white cat fur as a part of being a mother to a white cat. The floors can be in need of a vacuum, but I now have Roombas to do them. It has been years since I ironed something that only I will see... and I learned years ago that one can sleep on unironed pillowcases... it can be done!

I find cooking, shopping, menu and social planning, washing and folding of clothes, managing finances and being a loving wife to my husband is enough for me to cope with. I know from experience over the years that by not pacing myself, I will crash and burn and my recovery time will need more than an occasional nana nap...

Accepting our limitations is an important part of staying calm in a world that has become anything but. And for most of us Sacrificial Home Keepers, our world is our home.

One final thought that helped me was remembering what our family doctor once said to me when my children were young: "A home should be clean enough to be healthy, but untidy enough to be happy!" I am trusting that I have at last put his advice into action.

God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect. 2 Samuel 22:33

Above reproach

Recently I read about the high incidence of pastors being in involved in pornography. Pornography is sin. It is sex.

As Christians we are called to be apart from the world, not in it. We are called to be holy. We are called to bring our thoughts under the captivity of Christ.

Pastors have a greater accountability to Christ as handlers of the Word. They should not be involved in the works of darkness themselves and should be denouncing it from the pulpit.

Why is pornography wrong? you ask.

Pornography invalidates the one flesh relationship of the covenant of marriage.
It denigrates married love to animal baseness and allows women to be used as sex objects instead of loved tenderly.
Women who engage in pornography also tend to treat men with little respect.
It encourages selfish love making and greater expectation of the act
It can make a woman feel dirty and effects her relationship with her husband if he watches it
It creates a lustful mindset that overflows into the heart and becomes sinful actions.
It encourages a roving eye and Jesus says that is adultery in the heart therefore sin.

Satan has hoodwinked society into believing that pornography is fine, but the results are catastrophic. Everything that God has said is good, Satan has substituted with evil.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God -Romans 12:2

We all live in glass houses

It never ceases to amaze me that most people, (myself included in the past), have judged others yet haven't given much thought of the actions and sin in their own life.

I well remember a neighbour friend of mine who was sharing a cuppa with another friend and myself. We shared that we were both pregnant at the time we were married, and she sniffed and declared that she was a virgin at the altar. We felt resentment because this woman had an affair at work and nearly put the end to her marriage. We rightly felt who was she to judge us?

If we say we haven't sinned, then God says we are a liar. We have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God. That's why we need a Saviour and that's why we need to extend grace to all. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:16

Pre-marital sex or extra marital sex is sin: just as is gossip, pride and unforgiveness. Sin of all kinds sent Jesus to the cross. Jesus took our sin upon himself. And not one of us is sinless, save Jesus. "There is none righteous, no, not one." Romans 3:10

Jesus Christ is our Advocate and Judge. We have no right judging another. Our job is to pray for them.My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. 1 John 2:1

As long as we live, we will sin. Not willingly, but we will all fall at one time or another. So it would behoove us to refrain from throwing stones at each other when we all live a glass house.

For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Romans 3:23

Pain is a disability

Anyone who suffers from chronic pain knows that it precludes us from a lot of enjoyment of life. Pain makes the vicissitudes of life that much harder to bear.

Everything is exaggerated both physically and mentally, and the only thing I can do is accept that this is not my usual self, for pain changes people.

Pain disables us in many ways. from physical activity. from family life. from sex. from sleep. from patience. from social life. from functioning normally. from life generally.

The effects of pain cause us to withdraw from people and become reclusive. It makes us feel isolated and unable to really feel understood or validated. We learn to be distrustful of others.

Because chronic pain, in my case fibromyalgia, causes us so much mental as well as physical angst, we decide to retreat to our home often preferring it even if we had enough spoons to leave.

Seeing as pain is such a disabling affliction, it makes no sense to me that we are often regarded by doctors with suspicion when we request heavy duty pain relief such as opiates.

Most of us cannot get enough medication to adequately help us with our pain. We often then succumb to depression and live as recluses due to agoraphobia.

We who suffer from chronic pain know that it is a disability. Invisible and destructive. We live in the knowledge that pain is disabling.

We just wish doctors were as aware of the ongoing relentless disability called Pain.

Sex isn't everything.

This picture reminds me of Chris and I in the kitchen... I often can be washing the dishes and he will come behind me for a cuddle.. I still blush and giggle like a school girl! I usually go weak at the knees when he kisses the back of my neck, and I turn around and kiss him passionately. Finally, we break away, breathless with romance and laughter! Most times, he then pitches in and helps me finish washing up.

This little dalliance of ours to us is quite romantic and that coupled with the fact that Chris helps me with the dishes, makes me feel nurtured and happy- it doesn't take a lot for me! Which is good, because money is short for a lot of flowers and chocolates.

We do go out together for meals whenever we can salt away a little money. Nothing too expensive, but we bring our own ambiance! Just looking into each others' eyes and holding hands over the table reminds us of our early days together and keeps us focused on each other. Truly, we do adore each other.

Because money is in short supply, and because we constantly laugh together and cuddle often, we feel that special occasions such as Christmas, birthdays and Valentines' Day aren't necessary to show affection and love. We in fact, do not buy gifts for these for each other. And it is perfectly fine with us. We do, however look at our wedding photos and reminisce a lot on our anniversary or any other date significant to us...

I think it may be the fact that we are an older married couple that makes it easier to see romance in ways that younger couples don't. With age and fibromyalgia and heart and back problems and Chris with his diabetes, sex is either umcomfortable or impossible. So both Chris and I look forward to a bubble bath at home with a good back wash and nail trims or a foot or back massage. We do that for each other on a regular basis. To us, nurture is romance!

Chris loves me bringing his breakfast into him in the morning. This to him is romantic and although his not buying me presents and sending me cards may seem that he is an unromantic man, nothing could be further from the truth. He sings to me! We have some special songs that he says were written just for us, and he will play them on the computer, and take me in his arms and croon to me as we dance slowly round the living room.

Because I am often in hospital, Chris shows his care by staying with me most of the day until visiting hours are over, just stroking my hair and holding my hand. Or he will come with our laptop and headphones for me. My heart melts with love for him. We can't stand to be away from each other.

Illness, medications, no spoons and age have curtailed our times of intimacy, but we manage to show love to each other in ways that are imaginative, erotic and very caring. There is absolutely no thoughts of unmet needs- love can be expressed in ways other than full sexual intercourse, and we delight in each other regardless! If sex happens, it's a bonus!

So we don't care about no presents or cards for Christmas, or birthdays or Valentines' Day- with the romantic sparks that still fly between us, and our little dalliances, every day is Valentines' Day.

I thank God for Chris as I am one very blessed wife, and I tell him often.... he finds that very romantic too! We are proof that you can live without sex! Sex isn't everything! (This post has been written with my husbands' permission)

Sometimes you just have to be separate

Night time has proven to be a difficult time for Chris and I. We both have problems sleeping and often we keep each other awake.

Chris has osteoarthritis in his hips and shoulder and finds it hard to drop off to sleep. His legs are restless and jumpy and painful he often suffers from bad calf muscle cramps. It is not unusual for me to find him making himself a cup of tea in the middle of the night because he can't sleep. Plus we both have sleep apnea.

But more often than that, it is I who makes it hard for him. I usually go to bed full of pain and can't really get to sleep unless Chris rubs my back. He is very good like that and I usually get to sleep quickly. However, I grind my teeth in my sleep, stop breathing for about a minute, and snore.

My medications cause GERD which has resulted in me having aspiration pneumonia and left me with asthma. I often wake up unable to breathe, and need to use my inhaler. My blood-thinners Clopidogrel and aspirin (for my stents in my heart to stay open and for antiphospholipid syndrome), cause me to have nosebleeds in my sleep as well. Poor Chris is often disturbed again with this. So we are not good night time company.

Obviously, not all these things happen every night, but a good lot do and we have often considered sleeping in separate rooms. However, I have a problem with that because I love cuddles and sex if it happens, and I love sleeping in Chris's arms until I drop off to sleep. It has been our custom for the 24 years we have been married.

So we have worked out a strategy for staying close, yet sleeping separately. Chris will come to bed with me, and when I am asleep, he will come out to sleep by himself if he can't drop off. We haven't actually got another bedroom set up in our new small house, so Chris sleeps in the recliner rocker.

We are very passionate with each other and very demonstrative and we often sit watching TV holding hands. So there is no problem with closeness. And there is no problem with sleeping separately for the most part.

This situation is not ideal, but when chronic illness threatens to deprive others of their needed rest, something has to be done. We don't see any harm coming into our marriage through separate rooms, in fact, we think under the circumstances, it would enhance it...sometimes you just have to be separate.

"When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. ” Proverbs 3:24

Some things only parents should share

My daughter-in-law and I were talking the other day, and she voiced some concerns she had with what the school was teaching her nine year old son. Specifically, very graphic and explicit sex education.

She showed me the home work that was among her son's school work to be sorted and thrown out. To say that it was explicit was an understatement. Far too much information for a child who was still eight years old to have to take on board.

Now I believe children should be told about the facts of life, but only when it is necessary to explain the next phase of life as in adolescence or to explain Mum's tummy bulge that is a future sibling. But it is done with due respect to age, understanding and discretion.

I considered it my right and privilege to lead my children into adolescence and adulthood. Indeed, I would have felt angered if schools had taken it upon themselves to explain something as important as sex to my child. And my daughter-in-law felt the same.

We also have to remember that most schools are secular and consider most sexual activity and gender choices to be normal. Woe betide the Christian parent who wishes to impart godly principles of morality to their child. Once the lesson is given, it is never forgotten!

This young child and all his fellow classmates were taught that self-pleasure, homosexuality, transgenderism, and gay marriage are quite the norm. These children are forced to grow up before their years and have been robbed of their innocence. They have not been allowed to simply be children.

It is quite one thing to have a discussion of menarche for girls and puberty for boys in grade six, but these teachings of self gratification and descriptions of what a climax feels like to third graders is to my mind repulsive. It reeks of paedophilic tendencies in teachers that promote precociously sexually active babies who should be playing with their marbles and ipads instead of playing literal games of show and tell.

There was no permission granted for such a session or sessions and it was a great shock to come across these assignments when cleaning out the boy's school bag for the new year. Taking the authority from parents is a violation of our rights as parents to train and bring up our children in ways that we personally consider moral and Christian.

It is a good case for homeschooling our children if we can because there are some things only parents should share.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Sex isn't everything

I thank God for Chris as I am one very blessed wife, and I tell him often.... he finds that very romantic too! We are proof that you can live without sex! Sex isn't everything!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life ... 1 Peter 3:7 this post has been written with my husbands' permission.

Chief among ten thousand

It is a medical fact that our brain is our greatest sexual organ. Desire starts there. When the body is tired and intimacy seems like one more ‘chore’ before blessed sleep, I have found that it helps to dwell on what made you fall in love with your husband in the first place.

Bring to mind all the little things he said or did that spoke to you in your early days together. Remember how he looked, how he smelt..his aftershave, even his sweat and the smoothness of his skin, his eyes, his voice. Remember too the intimate moments you shared in the past and let them intoxicate you again with rekindled love for your man. Cultivate a thankful heart for being his wife and look forward to celebrating that oneness in the beauty of the marital bed. True intimacy is not what is shown in pornography. Under no circumstances focus on other people’s intimacy…you want to foster desire for your own husband’s embrace.

As you dwell on your husband’s desirability, more often than not, your mind will start pining for his embrace. This god-given desire usually is stronger than tiredness. The Shulamite in the Song of Songs fantasised about her husband’s body and eagerly looked forward to his lovemaking..there certainly is a place for fantasising about intimacy with your husband. I find that by thinking of all the wonderful things about my spouse, and dwelling on them, that I can overcome chronic fatigue (through illness) and eagerly await intimacy with him.

I believe that this is a great way to help overcome fatigue and lack of desire without sinning.. Take a look at the Song of Solomon and rekindle the flame

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

My beloved [is] white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand. Song of Solomon 5:10

Warning danger ahead!

Have you, like me, been totally appalled lately with what you see on TV? We watch an English serial called “The Bill” Currently the Detective Inspector is having an affair with a very attractive Police Constable and the whole context is that the DI’s wife is prudish, frigid, inferior and the PC is anything but. The scriptwriters purposely make the cheating spouse attractive and the betrayed spouse unattractive! This is promoting adultery as an attractive past time. And denigrates marriage.

Similarly, there are many shows on TV now which try to push us to accept homosexuality as a normal lifestyle. Indeed, The Bill is one which seems to portray 90% of the English Police Force as gay. It is a sad fact that more teenagers than ever before are accepting this lifestyle as a valid choice and can see no wrong in being gay. Such is the strength of the media that it is turning our children so far away from the things of the LORD.

How many times have we queued up at the supermarket trying desperately to block our children’s eyes from the half-naked women in the magazines at the checkout? Or went into the service station to pay for our petrol and found racks of XXX magazines in plain sight? Where are we supposed to look? We are literally being bombarded by pornography and filth from all quarters.

We wives and mothers must guard our homes from such pollution, for there is danger ahead. There is danger in allowing our children or grandchildren to be exposed to this filth and bad messages. We have to make sure that our homes are clean in every way. We must faithfully make sure that any music, literature, videos or games are clean and we MUST monitor any TV or DVDs that our children and grandchildren watch. And with the advent of the Net, we must monitor where the children are surfing to. It is so easy (and dangerous too), to have them travel where no children should go.

Woe to the parents who allow their children the “luxury” of a TV in their room. I warn you, there is danger ahead if you allow them to watch anything they desire. Because there is so much emphasis on sex today, the small child can become a walking encyclopaedia of not only The Act, but procreation in or out of marriage, adultery, homosexuality, and all ungodliness. Not to mention witnessing murders, kidnappings, rapes and burglaries at an alarming rate- and taking it all on board, absorbing all this evil like little sponges.

Yes, there is danger ahead. Danger of seeing too much too soon. Of becoming old before their time. Of accepting violence and force as a normal way of living. Precocious and street-wise and hardened. Hardened to feeling compassion for the hurting and hardened to the very basics of Christianity like forgiveness and kindness.

This will take a lot more than a night-time story, glass of milk and “God bless Mummy and Daddy” prayers to fix. For the danger is that little minds will be forever corrupted by what they absorb NOW. And the images foisted on young brains will be contrary to all our lessons on purity and holiness- and it will take a miracle to erase them from our children’s consciousness.

There is danger ahead- but there is safety too. The danger is in ignoring what your children are watching, listening to, surfing to and reading, and the safety is in being diligent in monitoring what comes into your home. We can’t change the world, but we can protect our children’s world in our homes.

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.l”. Romans 12:2

Cheating fingertips

Flirting is always dangerous for unmarried people trying to stay pure, to engage in, but for married couples, it is often an enticement to commit adultery. Never before has it been easier than with the internet!

Online chat groups and mixed gender pool rooms etc promote not only flirting, but immorality. Two of our family members have been divorced because of online chat room romances. They were left by their errant spouses because their spouses had found someone else online. It is a sad state of affairs! Literally!

Online or cyber sex is *sex*... it is just as damaging as real life sex to the emotional and trusting side of marriage and is sin! For this reason, Chris and I never go into online chat lines or strike up cyber friendships with the opposite sex. We are aware of the dangers! But a lot of people aren’t apparently. They become attached to someone online and sometimes this can lead to a rendezvous or an affair and sometimes, as in our family, sometimes a divorce.

Often when an online friendship is struck up, it starts off innocently enough, but can often escalate. Especially once flirting and innuendo takes over. Which is often. So, because we value and protect our marriage, we never go online and chat, except to our family.

Flirtatious behaviour is sinful, especially when done trying to entice someone else's husband! It is not proper behaviour for a Christian. We are wise to avoid chat rooms, messaging etc and any other behaviour that entices someone to sin and/or lust over someones’ marriage partner.

In marriage our whole body and mind should be devoted to our spouse. That includes your fingertips!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Matthew 5:28

Created for love

As women, we can often think that God has given us the rough end of a pineapple physically. We have to contend with pre-menstrual stress, periods and later on, pregnancy and childbirth and menopause. Even our first intercourse is often painful and we wonder if we had the power, if we would have preferred to have been born male.

But I don't think most of us realise that God loves womankind and has designed us to respond to a loving man with a sensitive organ that has no other place than to bring us pleasure in intercourse. Other than humans, no other mammal has one: a clitoris.

In the Song of Solomon, the Shulamite actually requests her Beloved to pleasure her so that her juices may flow out...His left hand is under my head, And his right hand embraces me. Song of Songs 2:6 Awake, O north wind, And come, O south! Blow upon my garden, That its spices may flow out. Let my beloved come to his garden And eat its pleasant fruits. Songs 4:1

The Shulamite is well aware of this gift of love from the LORD. Something that speaks to us of God's love for us and His plan for a happy marriage with His daughters elevated to more than mere sex objects.

This gift from the LORD is spoken of in many ancient texts and in Latin is known as "the little key" for it opens the pathway to a woman's heart. The French call it "Le petit penis" which is the little penis, so named because in the early fetal stage these two organs develop the same: the male nub growing into a penis and the female nub receding into the clitoris. Both comprised of the same sensitive tissue and nerve endings. Proof that intercourse is not meant to be pleasurable just for men.

It's interesting to note that in non Christian countries where a woman's place is mainly for begetting sons, the clitoris is either cut or fully removed. Supposedly to ensure a woman stays faithful and doesn't gain pleasure from intercourse. In fact, it's just further proof that Satan hates womankind and destroys everything that God says is good.

Married sex is so important in bonding couples that God has created an organ that enhances not only pleasure for women, but for the husbands who delight in pleasing them. This is so critical in building strong marriages and keeping families together.

Once we get over our embarrassment at reading about the clitoris, we can see that it is a gift to women from a God Who truly loves them.

His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. Song of Songs 8:3

Silent wings

As you probably know, Chris and I have been married before. He was deserted as she went with her boss, and I was severely abused. The emotional pain of separation took its' toll on us, especially as they both were long marriages..

We never really achieved true bonding with our first spouses (because they didn't love us), but twenty-one years after our marrying, we are still amazed at the depth of intimacy in our marriage. We guard our marriage and both of us believe it is our first priority after God...

Our marriage must be our first priority after God for like any relationship, they can slowly die off if not tended. It is like air from a tyre: a slow leak can eventually do as much damage as a blow out!

We love a particular song by Tina Turner called On Silent Wings. It describes exactly what can happen in a marriage that is not tended... We never want to find ourselves in a loveless marriage again and we purposely cultivate intimacy- and I am not talking only of sex, even though that is important to enhance it. I am talking of spiritual bonding, cleaving and longing for each other... the hallmark of a successful marriage...

Becoming one is God's plan for marriage, and cleaving to each other is critical to its' survival. Today with so many things pulling us away from home, it is easy to become complacent about our marriage and eventually it can fizzle out.

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." Ephesians 5:33

Of all things in this world, attending to our marriage is critical. It deserves our best effort because not only has God ordained it, but our family and home depend on it. Marriage is the foundation of civilisation .... let's make sure ours is a good one with no silent wings...

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24

Feminism has burst our bubble

When I was a young woman feminism was just rearing its ugly head. It swept through womankind in the Western world and excited them as they plowed through piles of ironing and household chores. It promised liberation from drudgery and new freedom in the world outside the home.

No longer was it acceptable to be a home maker, serving our husband and family, but it denigrated us women, making us appear as mindless creatures who couldn't think for ourselves. We women, happy to bear and raise our children, were despised and even pitied.

It became easier to have an abortion and with the advent of The Pill, the reproductive cycle of womankind was controlled. Fornication, adultery and promiscuity became the norm with women often becoming the more sexually aggressive of the sexes. With these changes and with the ensuing disrespect for their husbands, no fault divorce was made law and many many marriages failed.

Young girls were not shown home making skills but were taught to study hard and go to university and have a career. Many found to their dismay later in life, that they didn't know how to run a home or cook. The newest generation became latch key children and often came home to an empty house.

Feminism was touted as a woman's right, along with having a career and not having children later on if they even married. And like many feminists, many found that by the time they were ready for children, that they were unable to conceive.

Feminism for the most part, has been successful. The woman who longs to be a wife and mother and not work outside the home is treated contemptuously by society in general, even in church circles. She often is made to feel inferior every time the question is asked as to what she does for a living. Apparently, being a woman who works hard in her home is nothing warranting praise.

For the woman who wants to have a lot of children, there is nothing but raised eyebrows and smart comments when they find out another child is expected. It is a common thing today to be ousted from society because one does not follow the world's way but delights in being a Proverbs 31 wife.

However, there is now a draw back to feminism, with many women wanting to be stay at home wives and mothers, but such is the thrust of feminism that many husbands do not want their wives to give up work. Women are therefore stuck in the rut that feminism has created for them.

Pregnancy is often something that women are made to curtail or postpone because of their career, and the longing to have a child is often suppressed with a great burden of guilt to boot.

Feminism goes against God's Divine Order and His plan for biblical womanhood. It has done a lot of harm to women, marriage and families and has made women ill from trying to keep it all together.

Far from the freedom that they strove for, feminism has created a bondage for women and actually limits their potential. There is no way back for society generally and there's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Feminism has burst our bubble.

Isaiah 3:11-13 Woe unto the wicked! it shall be ill with him: for the reward of his hands shall be given him. As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. The LORD standeth up to plead, and standeth to judge the people.

Sometimes you just have to be separate

Night time has proven to be a difficult time for Chris and I. We both have problems sleeping and often we keep each other awake.

"When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. ” Proverbs 3:24

Behind closed doors

Not knowing why exactly she had come, she sought the Pastors wife out for prayer and godly advice, not really expecting anything more than an arm around her and Gods' peace- for she needed Him so desperately!

With her stomach aching and bruised in places one never sees, she told her sad tale of spousal rape, an assault that not only caused much physical damage 5 weeks after major womens' surgery, but which left her terrified of her husband. Sleeping in the bed with him was a torment that birthed nightmares and a feeling of suffocation: an aftermath of him smothering out her screams with her pillow.

What did this hurting woman receive? Certainly not compassion: her ears rang as she was told that he had his needs! After all, 5 weeks is a long time for a man! She replied that she had just had surgery. Stitches. Repairs! She was feeling dreadfully alone and condemned. Especially when she was told that there are other things you could do for him! Oh yes, but not to a cold man who disliked kissing and other displays of affection.

Choking on her tears, the frightened wife told her that she hadn't denied him, had just asked for gentleness this one time. But what followed was the worst rape and rage that she had ever known in her then 18 years of marriage.

Unable to share this in public and afraid to cast her husband in a bad light with her family, she turned to the only place where she could perhaps find her God and feel Him in her life again. A God Who watched silently while she suffered, it seemed to her.

Instead she was thrown to the lions. Shot by her own. Condemned and made to feel ashamed and guilty for the act of a sadistic man. Betrayed and humiliated, she left the Pastors' office after being further admonished to cook better, forgive and forget and to remember that he was an unbeliever thus a 'poor sinner', unable to help himself. Oh yes, and she was to smile! And with a witness like that, he would be sure to come to Christ! It was almost verbatim the advice that Debi Pearl gives in her dangerous book, Created To Be His Helpmeet. And the book hadn't even been written!

Where is this woman today? Well, fortunately, God did meet her in her darkest hour. She cooked better, prayed harder, believed for a miracle of love to be born, stayed for another 7 years and suffered from sleep deprivation and fear. She walked on egg shells but kept believing that God would change her husband.

Finally, unable to keep any food down for fear, she decided that she couldn't bear any more. She timidly approached her husband one night, and asked him to seek marriage counselling or she would be gone in the morning. His response was the same as always: he had done nothing wrong. Marriage counselling was a waste of time he said: indeed, he wouldn't know for he opted not to attend each time a session had been arranged. She told him she would be gone in the morning and he agreed, "OK, go!"

She took only the clothes on her back and her baby photos, carried in two garbage bags for she was afraid to take anything that he would come after her for. She found a church that was compassionate and loving. She divorced him. Four years later, God blessed her with a godly new husband who loves her and who allowed her to start living at the ripe old age of 45! And her children rejoiced for her!

What would this woman say to you if you are abused? She would tell you to use sound judgement and remove yourself and your children from all harm. She would say that you should give your abusive husband time to repent before initiating divorce proceedings, and that you should give God time to work in your husbands' heart.

However, she would say that if there is no change after a few years or if there is threat of him coming after you, that you should consider a divorce. Life is precious and she now knows that we serve a God Who cares deeply about what goes on with His children, even behind closed doors.

I know she would advise you not to take to heart the advice for abused wives from Debi and Michael Pearl in Created To Be His Helpmeet, but to use common sense. She also would tell you to stand strong against the stigma you *may* receive if you divorce: your divorce is a matter between you and God and is not the unpardonable sin. He knows what may go on behind closed doors!

Finally, she would tell you to not suffer in silence and risk death as she did. If you are Christians, she would tell you that domestic violence is not a sole practice of the heathen: it *can* and *does* occur in the Church.

She would be the first to put an arm around you and pray for you, admonishing you to never throw away your confidence that is in Christ: no matter where or when trouble comes, He does see and does care. God calls us to live in peace... that is what she would lovingly tell you. I know this because, that girl was me.

Yes, God hates divorce, but He also hates the violence and treachery that leads to it!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet [is] she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. Malachi 2:14