Don't relinquish your role!

As you probably know, in my first 25 year marriage, I was an abused wife. But along with physical abuse, I was daily subjected to disrespect and psychological stress.

By the time I was married for about 15 years, I was broken physically and emotionally. I was in hospital frequently for a spinal disease called Sheurmann's Disease, and for surgery to remove kidney stones. Each time I came home, the disrespect was worse.

After a few years of this, I noticed that my daughter, who was a teenager at the time, was changing her attitude towards me. She became cheeky and sassy and answered me back constantly. Whenever I appealed for some backup from her father, he would defend her. I felt isolated and lonely in my own home.

As she grew older, I noticed that they both talked more than he and I did, and there was a definite bond and camaraderie. I felt like the third wheel.

In the morning I would make my beds and maintain my home, and when my daughter came home from school, she would pull them all back and redo them, stating that they weren't made properly.

Often my ex-husband would come home to unmade beds and he would start screaming at me, swearing and calling me horrid names. He didn't believe me when I told him I had made them and that she had pulled them back for me to make again. Honestly, with my ill health, once a day was enough for me to find the strength to make them.

In the end, I didn't make them, letting her do them when she got home from school. It was just wasting my precious spoons (energy) for nothing- they would be remade and I would get a tongue lashing regardless.

I think this was where the rug was pulled from under my feet. I gradually was treated like a naughty child by both my ex-husband and my eldest daughter. In fact when we were moving house and it was time to choose the colours and tiles etc, they conferred and I was just informed what it would be.

To say that I was not mistress of my own home is an understatement. I was an annoying lazy freeloader according to them. I couldn't work outside the home and they begrudged me anything at all.

When finally I could no longer keep any food down due to fear and depression, and sick of punched arms and bruises, I decided to leave. And in my confusion, I grabbed some clothes pegs with my clothes and this was duly reported to her father who demanded them to be returned.

I don't believe even today that there was any sexual connection with my daughter and her father, but there was a bond that cemented them together, but which excluded me. And I was powerless to change it and my cries for marriage counselling fell on deaf ears. It became too much.

Truly, three in a marriage is never what God intended. Nor did He intend for a man to cleave to his daughter and deny his wife due regard and respect. It is not a normal marriage.

So why do I tell you this? you ask. Because you must find the strength to fight being made an outsider in your role as a wife, mother and home maker. You simply must demand respect from your husband, even if it exhausts you. You must insist on respect from your children.

I wish I had been aware of this earlier and been firmer, but I can only say that I was beaten down so badly by him and chronic illness, that I could hardly stand. Start defending your right to be a wife and a respected mother.  Your role is ordained by God. Don't relinquish it.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

“I will give children to be their princes, and babes shall rule over them.." Isaiah 3:4

Worth every cent!

 

I have enjoyed using my Roomba robotic vacuum so much that I have bought another robotic vacuum that also mops the floors.

Our home has lots of tiles on the floor and it takes a good deal of spoons to keep them clean. These two robotic vacuums saves me on energy and pain.

There's been little energy and a lot of pain these last few weeks. My blood pressure is still high even with me resting more. It's a bit of a puzzle really as emotionally I am good-or as good as someone with constant fibromyalgia pain can be. So I am not stressed.

I am enjoying our new home and it is finally decorated and things unpacked. I have also been decluttering and have given away quite a few things that I found were only taking up space without bringing me joy.

Anyway, I highly recommend all Sacrificial Home Keepers get a robotic vacuum- preferably one that mops as well as vacuums. They are coming down in price but I assure you, they are worth every cent!

On the move again!

We have been busy looking for another home to rent. It's been a nightmare. There aren't many homes to rent and when we apply, we are vying with about 20 other people for the same home.

Most days we have to go to look at these houses and as we are in the country, it is at least an hour's drive each day. I am exhausted.

So much exhaustion is hard to take, especially when it brings on a fibromyalgia flare. But as in lots of things in life, it just has to be done.

I think the most stressful part is actually securing a property to move in to. The actual move is not so bad, and this time we will be paying my grandson to help us move.

With the fifth wheel and tow vehicle sold, we are in a position to get someone to do the move for us and it's especially important with our failing health to enlist help this time.

We are going to miss the birdlife here for sure, but with us being in our 70's, we have decided that we need to be closer to family and hospitals if we have an emergency.

This house is old and has no insulation and is incredibly cold and it's our winter now. With the price of electricity going up on July first, we won't be able to afford the heating in our all electric dwelling.

We are feeling the cold and are looking forward to ducted heating again.

Today there's no house viewings as it's Saturday. I have used the time to catch up on washing and I have two slow cookers going with different meals in them.

I am contemplating using Prednisolone for a few days so that my neck and jaw pain (TMJ) abates. I don't know if it will help my muscle pain in my shoulder and upper pain, but it can't hurt.

Today is the first day for awhile that I have been able to post as my muscles feel like they're tearing. But I just wanted to touch base and tell you what's happening in our part of the world at the moment.

Next week is another day of house hunting and tonight I feel like I am running on a wing and a prayer- on the move again!

 

It's a pain in the neck

 

Lately I have been trying to keep off the computer. I have had a horrid fibromyalgia flare and I suspect along with neck and shoulder pain, I have also got TMJ and polymyalgia rheumatica back as well.

We  recently sold our GMC Sierra ute and with no more vehicles needing a driveway to park on, we have turned our attention to finding another rented home. It has proven to be a nightmare.

There are not many affordable homes to rent and we find we are vying with up to 20 different people at a viewing, all hoping to get the same property. It is terribly stressful.

I think the stress has exacerbated my fibromyalgia. I have been clenching my jaw and this has seen my TMJ return. Without a blood test to check ESR creatines and so on, I can't say that my PMR has returned, but judging from the pain and inability to raise my arms, I would not be surprised.

I have done 5 loads of washing and dryed it in the dryer as it's too painful to hang it outside. I have run the dishwasher and been to the chemist to pick up my Januvia for my diabetes. Just that small bit of work has exhausted me. My spoons have left the building.

Lately I have been thinking it isn't worth moving, but the possums in the roof wake me up with their thumpings and scratchings and the cold weather has meant that central heating is calling my name and beckoning me to a newer more modern abode.

Just typing to you has stirred up all my sore muscles, and it's traveled down my arm. So I will be taking some paracetamol Osteo soon and maybe I'll be having a nana nap.

Fibromyalgia, PMR or plain arthritis makes for a bad day by any name. Whatever ails me, it boils down to the fact that today, it's a pain in the neck. 

 

Coping with anxious thoughts

In the wake of the Corona Virus, and political unrest, comes anxiety and fear for the future and for a lot of us-(let's be honest-most of us), we don't know what to do with our days.

Being at home is both exciting and challenging and it can leave us unsure of what to do and how to  handle it.

My friend, Mrs Sylvia Britton of Christian HomeKeeper is a very gifted writer. She has blessed me so much with writing her Lists for the chronically ill woman. I follow them most days and they have helped me so much for many years now. 

Sylvia graciously allowed me to post her Lists here and on my other blog and I am eternally grateful.

Recently she has written a post which is so very helpful for us concerning coping with isolation and the Corona Virus.  Once again, she has graciously allowed me to share this with you. Thanks again, my friend.

Here is what she wrote: 

We’ve been in semi-isolation because of covid19 for 4 weeks today. It is very similar to how we live our lives as older, semi-retired people. So, we’re not doing too badly here. I do miss my children coming ’round and I miss all the sweet little grandchildren being here.

It is a little harder for my husband who is newly without a job from being laid off. I say newly, but he’s been without work for 6 moths now. Still, it’s new for him, he has worked all our married lives and longer. So, I think it is a little harder for him to adjust. I, on the other hand have been ‘at home’ for over 35 years.

Since I am an old hand at being at home, I have a work flow, a way of doing things and getting things done, resting, participating in hobbies, chatting with friends online and then doing more work, that he is just now developing for himself. But in all, we’re staying busy.

This is the key to being content during this strange time in our world: staying busy. You remember of course that old saying that idle hands are the devil’s workshop? I also believe that an idle mind is his workshop.

But by staying busy I don’t necessarily mean work, work, work til you drop! What I mean is, your mind needs to be occupied with noble thoughts and good things instead of worry and sin.

It is possible to go sit under the tree outside and rest and still be busy with positive and good things.

Don’t dwell on tomorrow.

Don’t worry about yesterday.

Don’t stress that you can’t do more today.

Just do what you have in front of you to do.

 It might be dishes, preparing a meal. It may be reading a book or drawing a picture.

Write that letter.

So, stay busy friends. Find some project that you would like to have done at your house or in your self and work on it. Whether it is a puzzle that has sat on the shelf for too long or cleaning out a room, starting a new Bible study or weeding a flower bed, now is the time to do it.

This will all end and you’ll be able to do more, go places and enjoy friends again. In the mean time, do what you can and do it well.

Wise words and so encouraging. If you want to be encouraged and are a Christian woman, you might want to join her FaceBook group: Christian Homekeepers

 

Blessings, Glenys 

 

Everyone helped his neighbor, And said to his brother, “Be of good courage!” Isaiah 41:6

Hanging on for dear life

So my nerves were shot. I had a nervous stomach and acid reflux that burnt the back of my throat. Nightmares held me captive to fear during my sleep and my anxiety levels were sky high.

Like many people in this sad world, I was agonising over Covid 19. Here in Victoria the infection rate is climbing making deaths more commonplace than ever. We are stuck in lockdown with no end in sight, and we are over it.

I have been watching conspiracy theories which seem plausible sometimes, and I have had plenty of time to think. Too much time, actually.

Also, I have been watching Rapture sermons, wanting to understand the signs of Christ's coming for His Church. 

Finally, I could no longer bear those thoughts and realised that I had to repent and change my thinking. I had to bring it into the captivity of Christ. 

Going into my study, I closed the door and confessed that I had let fear get the better of me. I also confessed that I am trying to work everything out: things that don't really concern me...

I have been a Christian for over 39 years now, and I have had to recognise that I will never work out things that are too deep for our mind.

I used to wonder how God is God- how He could be the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end...

how the world was created- was it in 6 literal days, or days that equalled eons..

how the Blood covers sin- what was the significance of blood in sacrifice?

how the miracles occurred..

how Jesus rose from the dead... and exactly where He went when in the tomb for 3 days?

There were many more questions I wanted answers to, like when Christ is coming for us, and I really tried in my limited reasoning to understand...and in doing so, I lost my peace...

Finally, I decided that some things just have to be taken on faith and by trust in God. How God is God and does the miraculous is beyond me. I just have to trust in Him and believe. That's where faith comes in and brings me peace. 

Being faithful and loving God and walking in the Spirit is what God calls me to do- the other stuff, frankly is none of my business.... and like the faith a child, I am going to put my trust in God and His Word.

I am feeling better but you can be sure I will be hanging on to my faith for dear life! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 2 Corinthians 10:5

True joy in the moment!

Physically, I feel my full 67 years of age. Emotionally, I am mature and steady, and I am grateful for that after years of a stressful life culminating in PTSD. 

Spiritually, I am at peace. It finally has clicked that God actually loves me. Until the last 23 years with Chris, I was made to feel unloveable, and I bought the Liar's lies...

Sure, I have regrets and have done some things in my life that I am most ashamed of, but in realising that God really loves me, I have fallen in love with Him. At last I feel forgiven and acceptable. Such peace! 

I am happy in my own skin, able to forgive easily, and finding joy in everyday things. I feel like my outside man is breaking down, but my inner being is becoming more alive and well...

I don't worry so much about external things these days, but am concentrating on becoming a quiet and gentle soul. It sometimes takes a lot of work, but it's getting easier as I age.

I do find it hard when I am called an old lady: I don't see myself as old yet. Maybe I am by the world's standards. Those who call me an old lady are only in their early thirties: I probably thought those of my age were old at that age too...

Age is something we have to accept and we can and should be grateful for each and every year that we live: life is a gift.

Every time I comb my hair and see the grey, every wrinkle on my face, even my aching arms and neck, tell me that I am aging- but I am grateful to God for the years that have brought me to this place: the joy of being in the moment!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18   Picture is of Helen Mirren 

Staying busy

In the wake of the Corona Virus, comes anxiety and fear for the future and for a lot of us-(let's be honest-most of us), we don't know what to do with our days.

Being at home is both exciting and challenging and it can leave us unsure of what to do and how to  handle it.

My friend, Mrs Sylvia Britton of Christian HomeKeeper is a very gifted writer. She has blessed me so much with writing her Lists for the chronically ill woman. I follow them most days and they have helped me so much for many years now. 

Sylvia graciously allowed me to post her Lists here and on my other blog and I am eternally grateful.

Recently she has written a post which is so very helpful for us concerning coping with isolation and the Corona Virus.  Once again, she has graciously allowed me to share this with you. Thanks again, my friend.

Here is what she wrote: 

We’ve been in semi-isolation because of covid19 for 4 weeks today. It is very similar to how we live our lives as older, semi-retired people. So, we’re not doing too badly here. I do miss my children coming ’round and I miss all the sweet little grandchildren being here.

It is a little harder for my husband who is newly without a job from being laid off. I say newly, but he’s been without work for 6 moths now. Still, it’s new for him, he has worked all our married lives and longer. So, I think it is a little harder for him to adjust. I, on the other hand have been ‘at home’ for over 35 years.

Since I am an old hand at being at home, I have a work flow, a way of doing things and getting things done, resting, participating in hobbies, chatting with friends online and then doing more work, that he is just now developing for himself. But in all, we’re staying busy.

This is the key to being content during this strange time in our world: staying busy. You remember of course that old saying that idle hands are the devil’s workshop? I also believe that an idle mind is his workshop.

But by staying busy I don’t necessarily mean work, work, work til you drop! What I mean is, your mind needs to be occupied with noble thoughts and good things instead of worry and sin.

It is possible to go sit under the tree outside and rest and still be busy with positive and good things.

Don’t dwell on tomorrow.

Don’t worry about yesterday.

Don’t stress that you can’t do more today.

Just do what you have in front of you to do.

 It might be dishes, preparing a meal. It may be reading a book or drawing a picture.

Write that letter.

So, stay busy friends. Find some project that you would like to have done at your house or in your self and work on it. Whether it is a puzzle that has sat on the shelf for too long or cleaning out a room, starting a new Bible study or weeding a flower bed, now is the time to do it.

This will all end and you’ll be able to do more, go places and enjoy friends again. In the mean time, do what you can and do it well.

Wise words and so encouraging. If you want to be encouraged and are a Christian woman, you might want to join her FaceBook group: Christian Homekeepers

Blessings, Glenys 

Everyone helped his neighbor, And said to his brother, “Be of good courage!” Isaiah 41:6

Welcome Validation: False Guilt's cousin

Sometimes when I am having a flare of my fibromyalgia, I find that I need to feel validated in my sufferings. Not many people believe that fibromyalgia is real, and when you feel wiped out with chronic fatigue, endless pain and brain fog for weeks at a time, you can suffer from False Guilt. This is a cousin to needing Validation. So, feeling like that, I decided to look up some sites and recap the symptoms of the complaint. Here they are:

Fibromyalgia produces widespread pain, disturbed sleep, and exhaustion from head to toe.1 Fibromyalgia means pain in the muscles, ligaments, and tendons—the soft fibrous tissues of the body. Although the muscles hurt everywhere, they are not the only cause of the pain. Instead, the diffuse, body-wide symptoms are greatly magnified by malfunctions in the way the nervous system processes pain.2,3

Regional muscle pain not related to arthritis or the nervous system also occurs in the majority of people with fibromyalgia.4 Patients describe this as firm knots in the belly of muscles, often causing restricted movement and radiating pain.5 These muscle nodules are myofascial trigger points and some researchers suspect that these painful areas overlap with the tender points used to diagnose fibromyalgia.6

The symptoms of fibromyalgia are unpredictable and most patients are frustrated by their physical limitations and inability to make plans. You may feel as though you have to "push yourself" to get things done.7

Most patients with fibromyalgia say that their muscles feel like they have been pulled or overworked, and sometimes they twitch or cramp.8 Even the skin may feel badly sunburned.9 To help your family and friends relate to your fibromyalgia symptoms, have them think back to the last time they had a bad flu. Every muscle in their body shouted out in pain. In addition, they felt devoid of energy as though someone had unplugged their power supply.

Given that the symptoms may be similar to a viral flu, experts in the field of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome believe that these two illnesses may be one and the same.10 Gulf War syndrome also overlaps with these two conditions.11
Common symptoms:

Pain - Fibromyalgia pain has no boundaries. People describe the pain as deep muscular aching, throbbing, shooting, stabbing, or intense burning. Quite often, the pain and stiffness are worse in the morning, and muscle groups that are used repetitively may hurt more.12 In addition, the severity of regional pains (particularly those in the head, neck, shoulders and lower back) are a strong predictor of a person's overall pain rating.13 The muscles in these painful areas can feel tight, knotted and rope-like. Pressing on the firm, knotted region hurts and often causes the pain to shoot to other muscles when a myofascial trigger point is present.

Fatigue - This symptom can be one of the most incapacitating for people with fibromyalgia. Patients may feel as though their arms and legs are weighted down by concrete blocks and their bodies may be so drained of energy that every task is an effort.7

Memory and Concentration - Difficulty concentrating and retaining new information may seriously interfere with everyday mental tasks.14 This symptom is referred to as "fibro fog" and may hinder job opportunities. In particular, fibromyalgia patients have serious difficulty retaining new information if they are distracted.15

Sleep Disorders - Patients report trouble falling asleep and more importantly staying asleep, but the unrefreshing quality is what makes the disorder much worse than insomnia. Repeat arousals prevent patients from reaching deep, restorative sleep.16 As a result, the night is spent in "quasi-sleep" and patients wake up feeling as though they have been run over by a Mack truck. An overnight sleep study will likely show repeat arousals with bursts of awake-like brain activity occurring throughout the night, but a specific sleep disorder may not be identified.17

Exercise Difficulties - Moderate intensity exercise activates a powerful pain-relieving system in healthy people, but it makes the pain of fibromyalgia worse.18 This is why initiating an exercise program may make you achy and tired. However, if you do not exercise on a regular basis, the performance of normal daily living activities will start to cause more pain. Rather than give in to the increased pain sensitivity related to exercise, patients are advised to do mild exercise in short intervals (such as five minutes at a time) to keep the muscles fit while not over-taxing them. A study in Sweden revealed that half of the fibromyalgia patients found it impossible or difficult to climb stairs and a majority of patients could not run. Just standing for five minutes was extremely taxing to one-fourth of the patients.19

Irritable Bowel Syndrome - Constipation, diarrhea, frequent abdominal pain and bloating, abdominal gas, and nausea represent symptoms commonly found in roughly 40 to 70 percent of fibromyalgia patients.20

Chronic Headaches - Recurrent migraine or tension headaches are experienced by 50 to 70 percent of fibromyalgia patients. Most headaches are rated as severe, occur at least two times per week, and often have a migraine component.21 Referred pain from myofascial trigger points in the shoulder, neck, and head muscles are suspected to be responsible for most tension-type headache and also play a role in migraines.22

Jaw Pain - Temporomandibular joint dysfunction causes tremendous jaw-related face and head pain and affects one-quarter of fibromyalgia patients. Typically, the problems are related to the muscles and ligaments surrounding the jaw joint and not necessarily the joint itself.23

Other Common Symptoms - Non-cardiac chest pain, acid reflux, irregular heart beat or palpitations, shortness of breath, numbness and tingling sensations, the feeling of swollen extremities, chemical sensitivities, nasal congestion, premenstrual syndrome and painful periods, irritable bladder, interstitial cystitis, vulvodynia (vulvar pain), difficulty focusing eyes, dry or burning eyes and mouth, dizziness or feeling faint, profuse sweating, muscle weakness and balance issues can occur.24,25,26 Fibromyalgia patients are often sensitive to odors, loud noises, bright lights, some foods, and often the medications that they are prescribed.27

Aggravating Factors - Changes in weather, cold or drafty environments, hormonal fluctuations (premenstrual and menopausal states), stress, depression, anxiety, and over-exertion can all contribute to fibromyalgia symptom flare-ups.12
Fibromyalgia Quick Facts

* Affects 3 to 5 percent of the general population28
* Occurs in people of all ages, even children
* Men develop fibromyalgia too, although more women are diagnosed with it
* Symptoms are chronic but may fluctuate throughout the day
* Roughly one-quarter of people with fibromyalgia are work-disabled12

The general consensus here in Australia is that fibromyalgia is all in ones' head and that the sufferer is a malingerer. Certainly this exacerbates False Guilt and invites his cousin, Validation into the scene. Although I am aware of false guilt leading to me wanting to feel validated, I still succumb to it at times of prolonged flares such as this one I am experiencing at the moment.

I have *every* one of these symptoms, so I feel validated. So welcome Validation: hopefully he and his cousin won't be staying long!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Psalm 31:24

Finding comfort in Gods' Order

You may remember the post I wrote about Gods' Umbrella Of Protection. It is a great comfort to me as a Sacrificial HomeKeeper who often wonders just where she fits in Gods' Big Plan for her life.

When I had been ill when my children were young, I used to fret that I couldn't go to certain places like footy matches to watch them play or participate in Mothers' Clubs at the local school.

I used to obsess that I should be doing more in the house as I endured six months of glandular fever that wouldn't go away. I would do some housework in my dressing gown only to break out in a sweat and retreat again to my bed, where I would read to my children until I fell asleep with my glasses on and the book over my face. And my mother would take over in the afternoon shift leading to tea time.

Depression would kick in and probably in hindsight, helped my disease linger so long. And I really needn't have been so depressed. Because a lot of that was a feeling of false guilt and wondering where I was in Gods' plan. Well, I was right where He wanted me to be!

"You mean, He wanted you flat on your back too tired to breathe?" you ask. No, but I was exactly in Gods' Order... in spite of that!

I was first and foremost a child of God. I was a faithful albeit sick wife, and a loving mother to my four little ones: four children under five at the time. And I was still mistress of my home. My (then) husband and mother would consult me on matters pertaining to the home, and I kept a watchful eye on what was going on. So all in all, I was very much under Gods' Umbrella of Protection.

As I have mentioned before, being a faithful Christian woman is not about about how fast you spin your wheel. It is about your heart attitude. Indeed, you are not in control of your illness but you are in control of your attitude and where you are in Gods' Order.

God understands that you can't be participating in Mothers' Clubs (PTA) meetings, church or prayer meetings: indeed these are secondary to where He wants you to be. And if you are His child, faithfully married and overseeing the care of your home and children from your sick bed, then that is where He wants you to be for a season- however short or long that may be.

Knowing this helps me now, but how I wish I had seen that forty years ago! Let me encourage you in this, and may you derive comfort from knowing you are exactly where you should be at this time: under Gods' Umbrella of Protection! That comfort could very well help you recover sooner: Gods' Ways are always good!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

He hath shewed thee, O man, what [is] good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8

Anxiety isn't sin: it's an emotion

Panic attacks and anxiety make us fearful of everything. Even of God.  

Wherein we are the strongest of Christians, hormones can trip us up, and there is nothing we can do. So know I am not speaking of constant lack of trust in God but a freak of chemistry that temporarily over rules that trust.

We can be the most trusting of Christians, but sometimes our bodies create too much cortisol and not enough seretonin, and we can find ourselves, against our own belief and trust in Christ, becoming overwrought and anxious. 

We can find ourselves teetering on the edge of panic and the Pit Of Despair is beckoning. We feel guilty for being anxious, but we can't seem to stop it.

We know we are told to not be anxious and not to fear, but here it is: anxiety has raised its' ugly head again. Is there no hope for us? Oh yes, our hope as always is in the compassion of Christ! 

In times like this, we can find ourselves doubting that God loves us and we are totally miserable. But it is at this time that we need to hang on to Jesus's hem and stay still. In spite of our feelings, He is still there with us.

Our accuser, Satan is anything but stupid and if he can get us to feel guilty about being anxious, then he has succeeded in causing us further pain. 

Jesus never makes us feel guilty: the Holy Spirit will convict us of sin and with true repentance, comes freedom. 

Satan is the accuser who leaves no room for repentance or mercy or grace or forgiveness. 

Guilt is a nail through the heart, conviction is a softening of the heart. 

By taking hold of God's promises by reading scriptures of hope you can climb out of the Pit. 

Please don't feel guilty for being down or anxious with panic attacks. It is what it is. But it's not a sin. It's a chemical imbalance. And it's an emotion. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. " Isaiah 41:13

Don't relinquish your role

As you probably know, in my first 25 year marriage, I was an abused wife. But along with physical abuse, I was daily subjected to disrespect and psychological stress.

By the time I was married for about 15 years, I was broken physically and emotionally. I was in hospital frequently for a spinal disease called Sheurmann's Disease, and for surgery to remove kidney stones. Each time I came home, the disrespect was worse.

After a few years of this, I noticed that my daughter, who was a teenager at the time, was changing her attitude towards me. She became cheeky and sassy and answered me back constantly. Whenever I appealed for some backup from her father, he would defend her. I felt isolated and lonely in my own home.

As she grew older, I noticed that they both talked more than he and I did, and there was a definite bond and camaraderie. I felt like the third wheel.

In the morning I would make my beds and maintain my home, and when my daughter came home from school, she would pull them all back and redo them, stating that they weren't made properly.

Often my ex-husband would come home to unmade beds and he would start screaming at me, swearing and calling me horrid names. He didn't believe me when I told him I had made them and that she had pulled them back for me to make again. Honestly, with my ill health, once a day was enough for me to find the strength to make them.

In the end, I didn't make them, letting her do them when she got home from school. It was just wasting my precious spoons (energy) for nothing- they would be remade and I would get a tongue lashing regardless.

I think this was where the rug was pulled from under my feet. I gradually was treated like a naughty child by both my ex-husband and my eldest daughter. In fact when we were moving house and it was time to choose the colours and tiles etc, they conferred and I was just informed what it would be.

To say that I was not mistress of my own home is an understatement. I was an annoying lazy freeloader according to them. I couldn't work outside the home and they begrudged me anything at all.

When finally I could no longer keep any food down due to fear and depression, and sick of punched arms and bruises, I decided to leave. And in my confusion, I grabbed some clothes pegs with my clothes and this was duly reported to her father who demanded them to be returned.

I don't believe even today that there was any sexual connection with my daughter and her father, but there was a bond that cemented them together, but which excluded me. And I was powerless to change it and my cries for marriage counselling fell on deaf ears. It became too much.

Truly, three in a marriage is never what God intended. Nor did He intend for a man to cleave to his daughter and deny his wife due regard and respect. It is not a normal marriage.

So why do I tell you this? you ask. Because you must find the strength to fight being made an outsider in your role as a wife, mother and home maker. You simply must demand respect from your husband, even if it exhausts you. You must insist on respect from your children.

I wish I had been aware of this earlier and been firmer, but I can only say that I was beaten down so badly by him and chronic illness, that I could hardly stand. Start defending your right to be a wife and a respected mother.  Your role is ordained by God. Don't relinquish it.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

“I will give children to be their princes, and babes shall rule over them.." Isaiah 3:4

Keeping peace in your home

Dear Friends,

Our membership is world wide and every religion! We are the keepers of our homes. It is up to us to set the tone for our families. This may be hard, but we can do it! We can do anything for 15 minutes.

Watch your words to yourself and to your babies. We cannot stereotype a people or a religion because of a few bad men. Fear is their goal! When we let go of this fear we have succeeded at allowing peace to enter our homes.

All any of us can do is take care of our little corner of the world; our homes! You can do this by turning off the TV and Facebook. I fell victim to television many years ago. It literally made me sick from watching the negativity of the news all the time.  I am not saying to put on blinders or not to be concerned for your family members who are in the middle of the news, but what I want you to do is keep the home fires burning. Limit the influx of the media. Their goal is to make it sound as bad a possible and I don’t want their one-sided exaggerations to hurt you or your family!

Focus your fears and sadness by doing something to bless your family! Go shine your sink! Fold laundry! Clean out that craft room! Work on your control journal! Pay your bills! Do not spend all your time in front of boob tube having your brains sucked out by fear! Or checking Facebook every 5 minutes. Unfriend people who spew nastiness and hate. Only friend or like pages that lift you up. 

Your children and your pets are very intuitive. You can’t hide your feelings from them. So you have to insulate yourself from those by limiting your exposure. What you think about your bring about! It is up to us to think good thoughts instead of expending energy on worry; use that power to bless your tiny little corner of the world.  Now is the time for us to do what we can, with what we have, where we are! So what can we do?

Feed our families. Get food in the house. Plan your meals so you feel secure. Pull out your family’s favorite recipes and fix their comfort food. Do it together! Set the good dishes and light candles!  Entertain yourselves with your favorite movies. Make a list of your family’s all time favorites. Look for them at yard sales and clearance racks. Gather up some of your favorite books to read aloud.

Play classical music, gospel music, or your favorite music! Let your spirits be lifted in song your special way! Sing together! Play music on the piano, keyboards, or other instruments. Have a sing along! Sing your favorite holiday songs! Go Caroling! Learn how to sing in harmony! What fun! Drag out the karaoke machines!  (if you haven’t flung them LOL)

Pull out the family board games or a jigsaw puzzle. Sit around your dinner table and play games and talk.  You are not going to be able to isolate your children from all of this, but you can edit what they hear and have it come from you! Worry never made any situation better! If you catch yourself doing this, it is time to take care of you!

Remember what the flight attendant always says when you board a plane: You have to put your oxygen mask on first, before you start to help your child. This means keep up with your simple morning and evening routines, continue to declutter for 15 minutes a day and do the missions for your zone.

Your routines will give you structure and comfort! Do Them!! This means getting dressed to lace-up shoes, fixing your hair and face too! When you start to feel yourself get stressed, then change gears and take care of you! This means give yourself a hug! If you don’t know what to do, then go to our homepage and read the Pamper Section, get in the tub, take a walk, or just sit and listen to the birds sing, light candles, turn on all the lights in the house, open up the curtains and let the sun shine in!

Winter is tough on all of us. We can dream about spring, plan our gardens, and plant seedlings. Dream big! Let’s be ready for any emergency. They keep saying we are going to have a long hard winter.

We can do this. We don’t have to let the bad news disrupt OUR peace in OUR homes.  Are you ready to FLY with peace as your guide? by Marla Cilley aka FlyLady

So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom.  Psalm 90:12