Out of control


My first marriage was very violent and traumatic for me. I was constantly shouted at by my ex-husband, with him screaming at me so closely that there was spittle on my glasses and face. This was often punctuated with a smack across the face or a punch in the jaw. In fact, he dislocated it once and to this day, I have problems with clicky jaw and TMJ...
Just after our 17th anniversary, I was trying to get something down from our wardrobe and I was standing on a bedside table..the table toppled over and my leg was badly bruised, but what hurt the most was that my husband came in roaring at me and punched me between the shoulder blades.. I don't know what happened, but I started howling and screaming like a wild woman and I couldn't stop it or the shaking that convulsed my body... even he was shocked..

I rang my mother and she took me to the doctor who gave me an injection to calm me... it did nothing. Mum rang him and he said that she should take me to hospital as he couldn't help any further..   So for the whole day I sat beside my hospital bed, blowing into a paper bag and talking to the psychiatrist for more than a couple of hours. He gave me a diagnosis of  extreme  stress and urged me to leave my husband,  which I did 8  years later.  I was discharged and sent home to my husband who informed me that I wasn't mad and didn't need to go to hospital even though he said I was mad every time I reacted to his abuse..
Being so low emotionally and mentally gave me insight into the way people view mental illness.. my family were appalled that I needed to talk to someone about it and I was urged to keep it private. This served to make me feel more alone and isolated than I already felt. To this day, fully recovered and now happily remarried, I feel anger at society's handling of the mentally ill..
Nervous breakdowns, stress induced illnesses, bi-polar, depression, schizophrenia and other mental illnesses do not make a person bad or someone to be hidden from society. We need to remember that they are suffering from invisible illnesses every bit as painful as a broken leg. We need to pray for them and treat them respectfully. They already will be suffering the added burden of shame and guilt for something that is out of their control.. 

PS I have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder now. But in spite of being happily remarried for 21 years, I find I am still effected by my past marriage...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.' Isaiah 41:13

6 comments:

  1. Well put and thank you.
    I am sorry for you past, I am happy that things are better now.
    And it is good that you can put it into words. It heals.
    It also is knowledge and insight for the unknowning, and a reminder for those who forget!
    Thank you for all your lovely posts and pictures.
    Gwen/USA

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  2. You are very strong and courageous - from one PTSD sister to another. You are very strong and courageous because He has made you so. Keep striving and thriving in His name. Hugs to you!

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    1. and hugs back to you! praise His mighty Name... we are more than conquerors through Him that loves us. Romand 8:37 thanks for taking tea with me today, Miaismine! Blessing and comfort to you as you battle breast cancer...

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  3. My first marriage wasn't as bad as yours, but I had nightmares for years after leaving. My second husband is wonderful!

    Dr. Dobson had a book that helped me leave. I wish I could remember the name. Going to naranon, the help group for those living with addicts, also helped me realize I wasn't responsible for his actions. I rarely remember those days now.

    But whenever I meet someone who is vacillating about leaving, I try to get her to take proactive steps... Gathering all important paperwork and photos together and finding a safe place for it, preferably at someone else's house. Going through the home and thinking about what is important to you and what you would miss most if it was gone, by fire, theft, or by leaving it behind. I removed what I wanted the most each morning on my way to work...I rented a small storage unit. I was better able to leave when I realized I was willing to leave everything behind, that my life was worth more than these things. I also told my boss that one day I might have to run, and he said he understood, without even asking me any questions (and I thought I hid it!), And said he'd help any way he could if I'd contact him. Thankfully my ex found another and I didn't have to run. He actually got help, and is drug free, and never bothered me except to apologise and ask forgiveness.

    I'm glad we are both in happy marriages now! Janine

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Thank you for visiting with me today. I love to hear from you. I may not always be able to reply right away, but I will respond to every comment you leave. Blessings and comfort, Glenys