Morning Cuppas With Glenys : Panic attacks

Showing posts with label Panic attacks. Show all posts

When your home is a prison

Years ago I suffered from a dreadful condition where leaving my home was a cause for panic and anxiety. It's name is agoraphobia. I overcame it, but it has reared its' ugly head once more.

With the Corona Virus instilling in us a fear of being too near people, being diligent with hand washing etc in order to stay safe, and staying at home because of Rona, I have found it has exacerbated my agoraphobic tendencies.

I get clammy going into a supermarket or even going to the Post Office. Some days I have to force myself to leave the house and I will get Chris to handle things for me if possible.

Living in the fifth wheeler for six months and ending up housebound because of my torn menisci didn't help me either. It took a lot of effort to get out of the staying at home habit when we first resumed renting. But I won, and by beating it then, I know I can do it again.

When we are asked to stay home, it does not present any great problem to me. In fact, the only problem with this whole virus thing is that I can't see my family. But that won't last forever. They will be able to come to me.

My agoraphobia will not last forever: with prayer and forcing myself to gradually leave the house for longer periods, I will overcome it. But it takes a lot of prayer and determination. But with time it can be done.

Agoraphobia must be tamed in order to have quality of life, for if given into, it will turn your home into a prison.

"The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by Him, Who shelters him all the day long; And he shall dwell between His shoulders." Deuteronomy 33:12

Lord, I want to die!

I suffer from depression and anxiety and it certainly is real. I pray a lot and depend on God a lot.

It has been my experience that God is there during the panic attack, even when I dont feel Him.

When He calms the storm of my out of control emotions-and hormones, I can see that He never left me.

In fact, He carried me across the turbulent sea and deposited me on dry land.

He is our hope when we feel we have none.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. Psalm 23

Poppycock!

We gave such a lot happening today in this world that is frightening. It's no use trying to pretend that we are not at all concerned about what's happening: we would be fools not to be concerned about it.

I won't lie and pretend that I haven't been fearful, but I make myself remember God's promises to be with us no matter what, and I can bring the fear into the captivity of Christ.

We must cling to God and His promises if we are to have any peace about world events. We have to run to Him and not from Him.

Some people feel that if a Christian is afraid that they are not truly saved. That is a lie from Hell. It is just another way that the enemy gets to us when we are down. God does not turn away from us if we feel fear. He wants us to run to Him. He's a loving Father.

In running to Him, we will be comforted and have peace and that is something the evil one does not want. Those who judge the fearful Christian by saying they are not saved because of being afraid are doing the evil one's bidding: causing defeat, misery and false guilt.

The Word says that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Jesus calls Himself the Good Shepherd.

And our Good Shepherd laid down His life to save us. He's not going to turn us away because we are afraid.

To suggest that a moment of fearfulness means we are not saved is dangerous. It denies our humanity. It presumes to judge. It spreads falsehood. It negates the work of God. It upholds the work of Satan. It seeks to nullify the Blood of Christ.

I am sure that God would approve of my judgement of this false teaching by using one word to describe it: poppycock!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

When our world is turned upside down

When one is first diagnosed with an illness, it is quite common to be in disbelief or even denial. After all, some illnesses come as a shock and have the potential to change our life forever. This requires us to rethink how we will cope with the illness, its treatment and life in general.

Sometimes we struggle to get a grip of the ramifications that illness makes in our life, but sooner or later, we are going to have to get our head around the fact that things will change. To function, they have to.

If diagnosis of an illness has caused a depression which lingers for more than a few weeks or causes panic attacks, I suggest that a doctor is seen for antidepressants. These may be needed only short term until the illness is accepted. And it must be accepted sooner or later.

Only in coming to terms with being chronically ill, can we make plans to handle the changes that being ill will bring. We will need to plan our days as wives, mothers and homemakers. (See Lists)
We must cling to Jesus and allow Him to minimise the shock and help us regain our focus. We must also plan our treatments and care.

Scary as it is, chronic illness must be addressed as soon as we are able... our future and our family's future depend on us accepting our illness so that we can move on. Easier said than done when your world has been turned upside down.

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

For such a time as this!

In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried out to my God...

The Lord is close to everyone who calls out to him, to all who call out to him sincerely. The Lord will rescue me from every evil action and will save me for his heavenly kingdom. Whenever I’m afraid, I put my trust in you — in God, whose word I praise.
I trust in God; I won’t be afraid. What can mere flesh do to me? God is indeed my salvation; I will trust and won't be afraid. It’s far better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust any human. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever.
God didn't give us a spirit that is timid but one that is powerful, loving, and self-controlled. Throw all your anxiety onto him, because he cares about you. This is why we can confidently say, The Lord is my helper, and I won’t be afraid. What can people do to me?

Those who know your name trust you because you have not abandoned any who seek you, Lord. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul...

He heard my voice from His temple and my cry came before Him even to His ears

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you.

I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also"

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

"Don't fear, because I am with you; don't be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand"

“Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world to test those who dwell on the earth."

The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him. Psalm 28:7

A compilation of scriptures for such a time as this by Glenys

Don't relinquish your role!

As you probably know, in my first 25 year marriage, I was an abused wife. But along with physical abuse, I was daily subjected to disrespect and psychological stress.

By the time I was married for about 15 years, I was broken physically and emotionally. I was in hospital frequently for a spinal disease called Sheurmann's Disease, and for surgery to remove kidney stones. Each time I came home, the disrespect was worse.

After a few years of this, I noticed that my daughter, who was a teenager at the time, was changing her attitude towards me. She became cheeky and sassy and answered me back constantly. Whenever I appealed for some backup from her father, he would defend her. I felt isolated and lonely in my own home.

As she grew older, I noticed that they both talked more than he and I did, and there was a definite bond and camaraderie. I felt like the third wheel.

In the morning I would make my beds and maintain my home, and when my daughter came home from school, she would pull them all back and redo them, stating that they weren't made properly.

Often my ex-husband would come home to unmade beds and he would start screaming at me, swearing and calling me horrid names. He didn't believe me when I told him I had made them and that she had pulled them back for me to make again. Honestly, with my ill health, once a day was enough for me to find the strength to make them.

In the end, I didn't make them, letting her do them when she got home from school. It was just wasting my precious spoons (energy) for nothing- they would be remade and I would get a tongue lashing regardless.

I think this was where the rug was pulled from under my feet. I gradually was treated like a naughty child by both my ex-husband and my eldest daughter. In fact when we were moving house and it was time to choose the colours and tiles etc, they conferred and I was just informed what it would be.

To say that I was not mistress of my own home is an understatement. I was an annoying lazy freeloader according to them. I couldn't work outside the home and they begrudged me anything at all.

When finally I could no longer keep any food down due to fear and depression, and sick of punched arms and bruises, I decided to leave. And in my confusion, I grabbed some clothes pegs with my clothes and this was duly reported to her father who demanded them to be returned.

I don't believe even today that there was any sexual connection with my daughter and her father, but there was a bond that cemented them together, but which excluded me. And I was powerless to change it and my cries for marriage counselling fell on deaf ears. It became too much.

Truly, three in a marriage is never what God intended. Nor did He intend for a man to cleave to his daughter and deny his wife due regard and respect. It is not a normal marriage.

So why do I tell you this? you ask. Because you must find the strength to fight being made an outsider in your role as a wife, mother and home maker. You simply must demand respect from your husband, even if it exhausts you. You must insist on respect from your children.

I wish I had been aware of this earlier and been firmer, but I can only say that I was beaten down so badly by him and chronic illness, that I could hardly stand. Start defending your right to be a wife and a respected mother. Your role is ordained by God. Don't relinquish it.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

“I will give children to be their princes, and babes shall rule over them.." Isaiah 3:4

Through troubled waters to Home

We are now nearly into 2023 and I was considering how fearful some of us are as the New Year approaches and I was comforted to realise that God has got this! There is no need to fear.

How can we have the peace we need as we face yet another year of uncertain times? By remembering Who is our Backstop, our Guide and our Comforter..

Jesus has brought us through every day until now... He guides us through each day through His Holy Spirit... He comforts us as we travel through troubled waters on our way Home with Him.

He is able.

He is.

And was.

And will be....

Emmanuel-

God with us.

Not far from us.

Here.

Now.

A very present help in trouble...

Let us join our hearts and hands united in faith, and not fear the future. We are in very good Hands... and may God give us His Peace and guide us through troubled waters to Home....

I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty. Revelation 1:8

If you are not sure where your eternal Home will be, please read this link. Don't go another year without assurance and peace that comes with salvation...

Seeking Him in a meltdown

So today I was watching all the news and viewing You Tube videos of current events and I grew fearful.The adrenaline started flowing and I knew that I had to get some control back to my body if possible.

I quickly turned on my worship music. I started to cry as flashbacks of God's faithfulness and goodness over my whole life time flashed before my eyes. Oh how faithful and good He's been to me!

With a life of many trials and much pain due to fibromyalgia, I can confidently testify that my God has been there beside me, comforting, correcting, forgiving and being so so compassionate and kind! Sometimes walking beside me and often carrying me.

Trauma, illness and abuse have given me PTSD but even so, I never once have failed to sense God's Presence, so real that I could almost feel His breath and touch of His Hand.

But being a sufferer of many illnesses including mental illness, I have learned that it is essential to run to Jesus the minute fear or pain or flashbacks assault my peace. And I have learned that it is true that one has to bring those fearful thoughts or emotions in to the captivity of Christ. So I sprang into action.

I sat in my study, closed my eyes and listened to the words of the song that explains exactly how I feel about my God. And slowly the adrenaline abated as the peace that passes all understanding overtook my stressed body.

As I focussed on worship, I didn't hear Chris come in and it wasn't until he took my hand and started to sing along with me that I knew he was near. Not a word was needed to explain why I sat crying with upheld arms and mouthing those words of gratitude and praise.

Holding Chris' hand, I realised once again how blessed I was by the LORD in giving me a Christian husband who knows to bring his hurts and fears to God and bring his thoughts into the captivity of Christ. And who encourages his damaged soul mate to do the same, by his example.

It's important to keep our focus on God's goodness and faithfulness in times of fear and trouble. It's the only way we are going to regain our peace and equilibrium. So are you seeking Him in a meltdown?

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

For such a time as this!

In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried out to my God...

The Lord is close to everyone who calls out to him, to all who call out to him sincerely. The Lord will rescue me from every evil action and will save me for his heavenly kingdom. Whenever I’m afraid, I put my trust in you — in God, whose word I praise.
I trust in God; I won’t be afraid. What can mere flesh do to me? God is indeed my salvation; I will trust and won't be afraid. It’s far better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust any human. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever.
God didn't give us a spirit that is timid but one that is powerful, loving, and self-controlled. Throw all your anxiety onto him, because he cares about you. This is why we can confidently say, The Lord is my helper, and I won’t be afraid. What can people do to me?

Those who know your name trust you because you have not abandoned any who seek you, Lord. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul...

He heard my voice from His temple and my cry came before Him even to His ears

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you.

I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also"

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

"Don't fear, because I am with you; don't be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand"

“Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world to test those who dwell on the earth."

The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him. Psalm 28:7

A compilation of scriptures for such a time as this by Glenys

Sometimes you just have to move to another beach

So, I was just sitting having a cuppa, thinking about previous years, mulling over my life. It seems that when you are nearing 70 that you have the time and length of years to do so.

My beloved husband, Chris has just turned 71, and I was reflecting on our 23 years of marriage and I was quietly thanking the LORD for him.

As often happens, my mind reflected on the different ways this marriage has blessed me, and it suddenly dawned on me that the reason for my divorce was not that I was a bad wife to my ex-husband.

You probably already know that I had a very violent 25 year marriage and it resulted in such trauma and loss of self esteem and confidence, that I seriously thought I would remain single for life.

Then three years after I left my ex-husband, I met Chris. He is an answer to prayer, and he tells me I am to him. A year later, we married. It is so very different from the first marriage, but I am basically the same type of wife to Chris. And he loves me.

I wondered why I was so detested and disrespected by my ex-husband, especially as my behaviour was loving and respectful to him. I prayed constantly for him, went to marriage counselling at church by myself, and believed that one day he would love me and not take his anger out on me. Yet, no matter how much I tried to please him in all things, he never was happy.

Truly, I think over the years, I wore more food than he ate, and cooking for him was nerve wracking. Yet Chris finds my cooking good and never complains. So it wasn't that.

Often I would try to find out how I could please my ex-husband and he would never tell me what was wrong. He would tell me how awful a personality I had and that I had to change, and when I asked him what specifically annoyed him for me to change and ask forgiveness for, he wouldn't give me an answer.

This not only led to anxiety/panic attacks, but seriously eroded any modicum of confidence I had after my traumatic childhood.

Such was my morbid introspection, that I ended up unable to eat and eventually unable to stop shaking. I spent a day in a psychiatric hospital where I was diagnosed with extreme stress/anxiety and advised to leave my errant husband.

After years of telling me I was crazy whenever I reacted to his abuse and punches, he had the gall to demand I come home as I wasn't crazy and didn't need hospitalisation. I was discharged into my GP's care and left my ex-husband after another 7 years of trying to win him over and have a happy marriage.

The night before I left, I told him how unhappy I was. I also asked him to go to marriage counselling with me or I would be leaving in the morning. He told me he wasn't going because he had done nothing wrong and it was all my fault that he hated me. He said I could divorce him but he wasn't going to pay for it. I did.

That morning after he went to work, I filled two garbage bags with my clothes and baby albums and Bible, and left. I was shattered and heart-broken that he wouldn't take any responsibility and when that happens, it is pretty certain that their heart is no longer in staying married.

I went to business college and later got a job, a nice home and some confidence. But the trauma and head messing left me empty, and sad that I had invested 25 long years in a marriage where I was never loved or even wanted. It left me afraid that he would be proven correct in that I would live alone forever, without even knowing what was wrong with me. It also left me with PTSD.

With a very happy marriage of 23 years this coming Sunday, my conclusions are that no matter how much you try to appease an abuser, no matter how much you turn yourself inside out for answers to improve yourself, no matter how you look, or talk, or cook, or save, or mother, or clean or love, you will never do enough to please them. And you can't ever please them because they don't want to be placated.

Sadly, sometimes to save yourself, you just have to pick up your beach umbrella, shake off the sand, and move to another beach.

He delivers me from my enemies.You also lift me up above those who rise against me; You have delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

I'm afraid of the dark.

Every evening as soon as the street lights come on, I start nesting. I close all the drapes, put the lamps and lights on and prepare to relax.

I want to block out the moon and stars, and I don't want to see smoke coming from chimney tops of farm houses nearby. As soon as dinner is over, I hop into my pyjamas and turn our electric blankets on. Then I snuggle up to Chris.

There's nothing nicer to hear than the rain on my tin roof or windows and I luxuriate in the warmth of my living room or bed. And I give thanks for a safe home, a warm home and bed and a loving husband. My joy is complete.

I hate being out and when it gets to twilight the dark of night follows closely and unnerves me somewhat. Sensing my fear, Chris turns the heat up in the car, puts a worship CD on for me and assures me we will be home soon. He knows my life story and he cares enough to try to comfort me when darkness overtakes us in the natural hours of night time.

My childhood was one of fleeing alcoholic's rages, defending my mother from my father's attacks and looking out for my siblings. Too many times to recount, we would have to flee our warm home or bed as Dad was on a drunken rage and he would chuck beer bottles at us as we fled down our hill in the night.

With a pounding heart, we would run from him and the damage broken glass could do to us, and the fear would be compounded by a longing to live a peaceful life like our friends and playmates.

Flickers of light through the curtains of our neighbour's homes would show that adults would still be watching TV and the moon glowed enough to make out the smoke from their chimney. How we longed to be normal and still tucked in our beds with Mum, Dad and our resident drunk, our uncle watching TV as we drifted off to sleep in our nearby bedrooms.

But those times gradually became less and still were ongoing when I was hastily married at 16. My nightmare had just begun. After a horrific 25 year marriage I finally broke free and had the peace of my own place with no alcohol in sight. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

The nightmare was ended and my new chapter began three years later when I met and married Chris. He has been an answer to prayer and my gift from the LORD for trying to honour a man who broke my bones, burnt me with cigarettes, kicked me in the stomach when I was pregnant and raped me after surgery.

But the foundation of violence has left me with PostTraumaticStressDisorder which sometimes gives me panic attacks and flashbacks. No romantic moons, wishes upon a star or evening walks for me. But God created a loving man just for His damaged daughter-a man who still loves me and knows why I'm afraid of the dark.

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

Nothing can separate us from God's love

There are a lot of faithful Christians who suffer from panic attacks and anxiety. Although they are usually strong in the faith, when a panic attack hits, and they have a meltdown, their trial turns into a field day for false accusers and Job's Comforters.

They are often told that they are lacking in faith and to cling to the LORD, when it is chemicals in their body that is causing the problem, not lack of faith. They do nothing to help but add fuel to the fire. Telling a sufferer of a panic attack to have more faith is like telling a drowning man to swim faster. They simply can't and they struggle just to keep their head above water. To add to their woe, they then fear that they have become apostate or are backsliding. But nothing could be further from the truth.

The truly backslidden or apostate Christian will not turn to God for help therefore she has no worries of feeling unloved by God but the faithful Child of God will be afraid when she cannot break through the clutch of adrenaline that induces a feeling of impending doom (in this case, damnation) Such feelings are false, and during her life when not suffering an adrenaline rush, she knows this and relies on her Saviour.

The Bible teaches us not to be anxious, but any anxious person will tell you that it is a fact that anxiety will come for no apparent reason. My point is that Satan will use this hormone induced attack on our bodies to make us feel guilty, alienate us from feeling close to God, and cause us to be more anxious. We know it is written we shouldn't be anxious- but here we are with anxiety and guilt as our companion.

We know we should trust God but often it's not so clear cut and defined. It does us no good to be told we are sinning when it is clearly a chemistry problem which manifests itself as anxiety. In our stronger moments, we are aware of the scriptures. One who suffers from anxiety does not need to be told they are willfully sinning. We need people's understanding and compassion. It goes without saying, that we always have that from Jesus.

We tend to forget that most often sufferers of anxiety and panic have often been in the midst of the most horrendous of stresses and trials, often for years, and despite being faithful and clinging to God, they have a meltdown. Trials include all chronic illness such as fibromyalgia and disabilities.

It would behove us all to remember to be Christ-like to these suffering Children of God and comfort them, pray for them and encourage them. Those of us who suffer like this are prime candidates for panic attacks and meltdowns. We should do unto others as we would have them do unto us: pray for them, help them back on their feet and never judge them. Anxiety and panic are no respecter of people: but by the Grace of God, go I.

Mercy. Grace. Compassion. Love. Prayer. All are healing balms for the poor one having a meltdown. We need to tell them there is hope and there is healing and that nothing can separate us from God's love.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Into Your Hand, my Father!

I have not been writing for some time now. I have had health problems and my husband, Chris has also had serious health issues.

Life has been extremely hard and I found myself in the Pit of Despair. This time it took a long time to get back to normality, but praise God, I did.

World events, financial problems, family issues and fear of losing Chris all compounded to make me panic and become afraid. I was feeling at the end of my rope.

Finally, I went to my study, closed the door and broke down in front of the LORD. I came to Him as a child, terribly afraid and trusting Him to work it all out as a child does to its' father.

It was a time to repent of trying to work out things that weren't my business. When Christ was coming for us was a main concern. Fear for loved ones who weren't saved or who I wasn't sure were.

Feelings of failure and concerns of lack of ability to witness and serve God ensnared my mind. It was a time to surrender it all and lay it at the cross.

Lifting my hands up towards Heaven, I told God that I was afraid and I was immediately wrapped in a cloak of warmth and love that banished my fears and dried my tears.

I surrendered my fears and trying to work things out, to Him. I stopped fretting about things and prayed instead.

I visualised handing my fears to Him and holding His Hand...

I focussed on whatsoever things were good according to Philippians 4:8 and I regained my peace.

In surrender, I purposely became as a child and trusted God as my Father. If you really really trust God, there is no room for fear. Perfect love casts out fear. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

I now surround myself in worship music, prayer and reading the scriptures. I refuse to delve into matters that are God's alone- and He alone has broad enough shoulders to bear all things- I certainly haven't.

When I feel myself being afraid now, I place my hand in His and just allow Him to be my Father. I don't have to know everything, just trust Him.

With all that is happening in my life at the moment, I say this phrase many times each day with wonderful peace resulting- "Into Your Hand, my Father!"

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8

Hypocrites in the church

We are never going to find a perfect church because we are all sinners saved by grace. But at the least, love for each other should be obvious... or else we are no disciples of Christ... "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." John 15:12 Sadly I have been to such mega churches where the preacher is more interested in getting the right side of his profile on the video tape... real performers! Give me a church that truly loves its' brethren...

Many people, myself included have been hurt by judging, unloving and critical Christians in church. 18 months ago after I left the last church where I was serving as a deaconess and a foundation member, I decided I had had enough of being hurt. My weight, age and illness were mocked and they were only going to get worse. I felt that I would never go to church again. But gradually over the months, I got an unbearable hunger for corporate worship and last Sunday, in spite of panic attacks and a bit of fear, I went with my friend to a church that Chris and I have attended before. It was good... I felt complete.

I do understand the silent looks, the unspoken criticism of being ill and the almost palpable expectation of others to get better and to stop whingeing.... and yes, to have more faith. This world is geared to the young and well and the beautiful people, even in the church. If you happen to be obese as well, you are minced meat! But I had to work through that and to be honest, it still hurts. Christians should not judge on externals...

But I need to go to church. For me, it was a lesson in forgiveness and knowing that Jesus accepts me as I am, even if young pioneer church planters of pastors, don't. I think unless God intervenes in their hearts, a lot of go getting pastors will continue to view the chronically ill aged and overweight or poorly clad, with the carnal mindset of the world.

I wonder if they have really heard from God in their calling when His compassion and love is evidently not manifested in their actions. This shouldn't be with pastors because although human they are entrusted with much and they should be worthy of the respect they deserve as pastors. Yet sadly many fall very short. I believe it is a sad indictment against the modern church... and pastorate.

Did you know that Mahatma Gandhi was shown contempt when he went to a church? he never went again, citing us as hypocrites! This is so sad and I know it grieves the LORD.

http://www.christiantoday.co.in/article/mahatma.gandhi.and.christianity/2837.htm

If the church has no compassion for the sick, no care for the poor or hunger to reach the lost, then she doesn't know her God and deserves to be called hypocritical.

Therefore the Lord said: "Inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouths and honor Me with their lips, but have removed their hearts far from Me, and their fear toward Me is taught by the commandment of men," Isaiah 29:13

Dying for a hug

Ever since childhood, I have been a person who loves close contact. I needed to be loved, but sadly that was something that I longed for, but never received as a child, then as a young adult.

Now nearly 70 years old, I have been diagnosed with depression, post traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder and fibromyalgia, to which there is a link with childhood abuse.

Like trying to lose weight after taking medications for hyothyroidism, my current happy marriage and constant hugs and demonstrative affection, has not been able to erradicate the damage that was done in my childhood.

Open affection was something denied to me until I left my abusive husband after 25 years of hell and met Chris. During the 4 years between leaving my ex husband and meeting and marrying Chris, I felt so very alone.

I was never alone, not even in the womb, and being solo was strange and difficult for me. I was enveloped by a loneliness that draped itself around my shoulders like a wet soggy cloak of despair.

The only physical contact I had was at church, where we passed the peace, hugged our friends and received a chaste kiss on the cheek. I lived for that brief time every week.

I have read of an experiment that denied newborns affection, and each of the babies died. Perhaps this lack of affection was something that effected adults too. I know it was a big part in my becoming pregnant at 16, taken in by a man who told me he loved me. He started his abuse as soon as the ink dried on the marriage certificate and still continued (long distance) even after the ink dried on the divorce papers.

It is a blessing that Chris knows all my past and understands me, for even today I cannot bear to be outside at night. This is due to the fact that we often had to vacate our warm beds in the early hours of the morning with Dad chasing us in a drunken state, throwing beer bottles at us as we fled. Once it gets night, I feel anxious if I am not home and settled.

I am talking to you about this not for pity but a warning that hugs, kisses, cuddles, affectionate voices and other demonstrations of love is critical for a child's development. To give a child a happy childhood peppered with demonstrations of love and oodles of hugs is the best thing you can give them- more important than expensive toys.

During this enforced staying at home, let's make an effort to be demonstrative in our affections. Let's hug our children often, hold hands with our husband and nurture the need for touch and feeling loved.

"But what if my husband is not the affectionate sort?" you ask. Love him anyway, even if he is surprised by it. It will benefit not only your marriage, but your children. And who knows, you might even find that underneath the hesitation to show affection, he is starved for it, and is dying for a hug.

Titus 2:4-5 “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”