Safe under His wings

 

Everyone knows the world has become a crazy place to live in. But in our moments of fear or danger, God gives us the promise of His heart felt and constant protection and care.

I used to be afraid at night as a child due to my father's alcoholism, and at a very young age, I memorised Psalm 91. Snuggling under my blankets, I would pray the Psalm to stop the fear...

Today, I still cling to the LORD for His protection and for His comfort. I picture myself under His wings as I find refuge from the trials and fears in the life.

In  this present day of wars and worry, it is critical that we read our bibles and pray. There's a lot of deception and only the LORD can direct us to truth... 

Learn and read Psalm 91... and take heart in Deuteronomy 33:12  You will be safe under His wings. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

 

"The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by Him, Who shelters him all the day long; And he shall dwell between His shoulders."  Deuteronomy 33:12

Let it go

As you know, I suffer from PTSD from a traumatic abusive childhood and my first marriage full of violence. It is not easy to get over, but it is possible.

I used to agonise over why it was so and why me and it would literally sap me of any joy in life now. 

25 years of marriage with my present  husband has shown me that life can be wonderful and that I am loveable.

It was only through realising that it didn't matter "why and why me?" were destroying the present joy that I decided to leave it in the past. I let it go..

My peace is palpable and my joy is deep since I let it go. I cried it out and prayed about it and the LORD filled me with peace.

Let it go.. give  it to God and then get up, and move forward. Your mental state effects your physical, and spiritual.

Letting the past go will see you enjoy a much better and victorious life.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:7

Kingdom Words

                        

When I was young growing up in a house of alcoholics  I often heard profanities and swearing. Even at a young age, I hated it and grew up to be anxious hearing it.

With their sobriety, however temporary, came a respite from words of filth and it was a welcome time of reasonable peace.

Later on in my first marriage, I was the target of abusive filthy comments punctuated by blasphemies. It was soul destroying. I longed for the peace that wholesome words brought.

The words of the world, especially of the base world where God is not a holy word, but a blasphemed expletive, and people are described in terms that would make a sailor blush- do not edify, but bring the hearers  down. 

Words are so powerful and can be used for good or evil. They can be as sharp as a sword, piercing through one's heart, remembered for all time. Or they can be a soothing balm.

The scriptures tell us the power of words are so effective that we are to choose our words wisely, edifying and building up only. We are to have kindness on our tongue at all times.

The words we speak will show what is in our heart and soul. We will be judged for every idle word we have ever spoken.

Words that uplift us and that calm us and give us peace are what I term "Kingdom Words"...

Let's think of that peace by reading some Kingdom Words in the Bible, of which there are thousands. I have selected a few for illustration...

 

grace, forgiveness, mercy, love, justice, righteousness, holiness, kindness, honesty, peace, hope, joy, faithfulness, gentleness, humility...

 

Let us cultivate our speech to be a blessing to the hearers and let us train ourselves to reject the use of questionable and hateful language.. Let "Kingdom Words" have dominion in our vocabulary and bless others with them.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Proverbs 18:21

Only God can change your man!

My childhood was not a really good one. My father was an alcoholic and Mum's brother who lived with us was also one. Anger and domestic violence were our lot, especially on weekends.

My mother particularly hated drink and was a tea-totaller herself. I wondered why she married Dad as they were not really well suited. But I think Mum made the fatal mistake of thinking that her love would be stronger than the alcohol and that she would change him after they were married.

Unfortunately, the alcohol was stronger than his love for her, and Mum became a vicious shrew to him and us children.

The more Mum tried to change Dad, the more he rebelled and I can still remember him sitting in his armchair in the lounge room. He would look thoughtfully at the glass of beer he was holding and say loudly, 'I am what I am!' and Mum would taunt him by singing "Nowhere man!" to him. We would then have to flee late at night with Dad throwing beer bottles at us as we frantically ran down the street.

I know God can miraculously deliver people from alcoholism, but unfortunately Dad only gave it up when he had open heart surgery at the tender age of 50. He died six weeks later...

I didn't pick up on the red flags in my own hasty marriage in 1969. At the tender age of 16 I got engaged, became pregnant and married two months later. It was a marriage that nearly didn't take place.

As I said, I should have seen the red flags: the cruelty to animals, the bashing of homosexuals: (before I met him, but he bragged about it), the talking over me, and the strong will that was overbearing. Well, I think I did see those flags, as after a particularly nasty argument, I decided I would break the engagement. 

I was a little hesitant to do that because my period was late.  I broke my parents' hearts when I told them the result was positive and they offered me a view options.

• They would arrange an abortion: no way would I abort a child. Besides, I was hoping that my child  perhaps would love *this* love-starved child.

• They would keep the child and raise it as their own: they would have to be kidding- I was already planning the nursery in a home where there would be peace. After all, love would conquer all once we were married...

• Or they would arrange a hasty marriage... that was the option I took.

But there was no peace, for no sooner had the confetti blown away than the abuse started and when I lost those twin girls six months later, I cried for the babies dying and for the mess I was in.

My marriage lasted 25 long years and I had plenty of time to realise that love does not conquer all. It is far better to stay single than be with the wrong person.

If you can't respect him or condone what he does prior to marriage, don't marry him! People do not usually change just because you marry them or you have a child.

Look carefully before you enter into marriage and never think you will have the power to change your husband after you become his wife. 

We are his wife first, not his mother. Wives accept their husbands as they are, they don't train him.

Don't marry him if you have any doubts and think you can change him after, because only God can change your man! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

Kingdom Words

When I was young growing up in a house of alcoholics  I often heard profanities and swearing. Even at a young age, I hated it and grew up to be anxious hearing it.

With their sobriety, however temporary, came a respite from words of filth and it was a welcome time of reasonable peace.

Later on in my first marriage, I was the target of abusive filthy comments punctuated by blasphemies. It was soul destroying. I longed for the peace that wholesome words brought.

The words of the world, especially of the base world where God is not a holy word, but a blasphemed expletive, and people are described in terms that would make a sailor blush- do not edify, but bring the hearers  down. 

Words are so powerful and can be used for good or evil. They can be as sharp as a sword, piercing through one's heart, remembered for all time. Or they can be a soothing balm.

The scriptures tell us the power of words are so effective that we are to choose our words wisely, edifying and building up only. We are to have kindness on our tongue at all times.

The words we speak will show what is in our heart and soul. We will be judged for every idle word we have ever spoken.

Words that uplift us and that calm us and give us peace are what I term "Kingdom Words"...

Let's think of that peace by reading some Kingdom Words in the Bible, of which there are thousands. I have selected a few for illustration...

 

grace, forgiveness, mercy, love, justice, righteousness, holiness, kindness, honesty, peace, hope, joy, faithfulness, gentleness, humility...

Let us cultivate our speech to be a blessing to the hearers and let us train ourselves to reject the use of questionable and hateful language.. Let "Kingdom Words" have dominion in our vocabulary and bless others with them.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Proverbs 18:21

The cruelest blow

I have four children who I love with all my heart. However, I wish that I could honestly say that they love me just as much. Or even at all.

As far as my mothering went, I was a good mother, however, one child doesn't even answer the phone to me or answer my messages. It's as if I don't exist and the only reason I see my granddaughter is that he wants her minded. I let it go because he is a narcissist and is always right. He will withhold my granddaughter if I cross him at all.

At least I can hold my head up that I've done my best. God sees. He knows I gave myself exclusively to my children and grandchildren. But they made choices that sadly do not include me in their life.

Thank God we aren't accountable for the actions of our kids and grandchildren. I will pray that there's a resolution for  myself and any other Sisters who visit here with broken family ties and estranged children and grandchildren.

Loving them with your whole heart and losing them to indifference and disdain is the cruelest blow. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone. Psalm 71.9

Sometimes you just have to move to another beach

So, I was just sitting having a cuppa, thinking about previous years, mulling over my life. It seems that when you are nearing 70 that you have the time and length of years to do so.

My beloved husband, Chris has just turned 71, and I was reflecting on our 23 years of marriage and I was quietly thanking the LORD for him.

As often happens, my mind reflected on the different ways this marriage has blessed me, and it suddenly dawned on me that the reason for my divorce was not that I was a bad wife to my ex-husband.

You probably already know that I had a very violent 25 year marriage and it resulted in such trauma and loss of self esteem and confidence, that I seriously thought I would remain single for life.

Then three years after I left my ex-husband, I met Chris. He is an answer to prayer, and he tells me I am to him. A year later, we married. It is so very different from the first marriage, but I am basically the same type of wife to Chris. And he loves me.

I wondered why I was so detested and disrespected by my ex-husband, especially as my behaviour was loving and respectful to him. I prayed constantly for him, went to marriage counselling at church by myself, and believed that one day he would love me and not take his anger out on me. Yet, no matter how much I tried to please him in all things, he never was happy.

Truly, I think over the years, I wore more food than he ate, and cooking for him was nerve wracking. Yet Chris finds my cooking good and never complains. So it wasn't that.

Often I would try to find out how I could please my ex-husband and he would never tell me what was wrong. He would tell me how awful a personality I had and that I had to change, and  when I asked him what specifically annoyed him for me to change and ask forgiveness for, he wouldn't give me an answer.

This not only led to anxiety/panic attacks, but seriously eroded any modicum of confidence I had after my traumatic childhood.

Such was my morbid introspection, that I ended up unable to eat and eventually unable to stop shaking. I spent a day in a psychiatric hospital where I was diagnosed with extreme stress/anxiety and advised to leave my errant husband.  

After years of telling me I was crazy whenever I reacted to his abuse and punches, he had the gall to demand I come home as I wasn't crazy and didn't need hospitalisation. I was discharged into my GP's care and left my ex-husband after another 7 years of trying to win him over and have a happy marriage.

The night before I left, I told him how unhappy I was. I also asked him to go to marriage counselling with me or I would be leaving in the morning. He told me he wasn't going because he had done nothing wrong and it was all my fault that he hated me. He said I could divorce him but he wasn't going to pay for it. I did.

That morning after he went to work, I filled two garbage bags with my clothes and baby albums and Bible, and left. I was shattered and heart-broken that he wouldn't take any responsibility and when that happens, it is pretty certain that their heart is no longer in staying married.

I went to business college and later got a job, a nice home and some confidence. But the trauma and head messing left me empty, and sad that I had invested 25 long years in a marriage where I was never loved or even wanted. It left me afraid that he would be proven correct in that I would live alone forever, without even knowing what was wrong with me. It also left me with PTSD.

With a very happy marriage of 23 years this coming Sunday, my conclusions are that no matter how much you try to appease an abuser, no matter how much you turn yourself inside out for answers to improve yourself, no matter how you look, or talk, or cook, or save, or mother, or clean or love, you will never do enough to please them. And you can't ever please them because they don't want to be placated. 

Sadly, sometimes to save yourself, you just have to pick up your beach umbrella, shake off the sand, and move to another beach.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

He delivers me from my enemies.You also lift me up above those who rise against me; You have delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

I am who He says I am

Born in to a troubled home of alcoholics, and subjugated by a bitter mother, I married young at 16 and pregnant.

Sure that I had finally found someone to love me, the ink hadn't yet dried on the wedding certificate before the abuse started.

After 25 years of it, and afraid that it would end in my demise, I divorced my husband, even though I felt guilty about doing so.

The aftermath of an unhappy childhood and marriage that assured me that I was of little worth, stayed with me until four years later when I met and married Chris.

Being loved gave me a fresh outlook on myself and I gradually blossomed and as I bloomed in that love, I felt closer to the LORD than ever before.

It was a new experience as I had been through years of self-condemnation. I could forgive anyone anything- (forgiving even my ex-husband's abuse), but I found it difficult to forgive myself. I just didn't feel worthy of God's love.

Finally, I had to concede that God's view of me through what Jesus's Blood accomplished is the true me! His grace is greater than my sin and I was forgiven.

If God calls me clean, who am I to disagree? Either His Word is perfect and I cling to that, or I am calling His judgment into question.

I am so grateful for Chris coming into my life and opening the door to self-love. But even more gratitude goes to my Heavenly Father Who told me that I am who He says I am...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17