It fills the void of an empty nest.

 

I have had our granddaughter Taylah, 10 with us for a few days as it's school holidays here and her mother works. Sunday we picked her up and we took her home Wednesday.

It's been proven that children who have grandparents active in their life are happier than children who don't- so much so, that older people are hired to be "grandparents" to children who lack them.

I think it's a two way street though. All 15 grandchildren and one great grandchild have had quality time with us and enjoyed it, but I have to say that it was reciprocal and we enjoy being there for them.

Taylah in particular has spent a lot of time with us as her mother is a single mother and works hard and long hours. Taylah has enjoyed seeing life as a country girl, learnt basic cooking skills, role played as a nurse or hairdresser or doctor, made cubby houses with me, read stories to me when she got advanced in her reading, learnt about lineage and cultures of us, her grandparents, learnt even about Judaism, basic facts of life when necessary, basic baby care, learned to speak some Italian and French, and much else- besides the most important- she has come to a saving knowledge of Christ.

Over the years, all this has been passed on to her in an easy, matter of fact way, and she has sometimes stretched my knowledge in answering her very clever questions. Being a curious child, she has been happy to learn and I in turn, have been happy to teach her.

Teaching our children and grandchildren is a natural thing and it is biblical. We not only train them, but pass down vital information that is from generation to generation. It is a responsibility that I take seriously, and as a grandmother, I find I not only have the time to step in the gap to help my busy daughter earn a wage, but I help her raise her child in a well rounded, informed way.

I find that taking time with our grandchildren not only helps them avoid being depressed, but helps us as well. Grandchildren, like our children, keep us young, and fill the void of an empty nest.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers. Proverbs 17:6 

I'm happy to be an empty-nester

Whilst I do miss the "good ol days" when my children were young, I am so glad that it's over now. I don't think I could cope with it. Having an empty nest does have some advantages: our routine doesn't have to be as inflexible as when we had young ones to look after.

Meals are pretty impromptu affairs. We may plan to have such and such for dinner, but then decide either we aren't hungry or we may eat something like rice bubbles for dinner. Also, the meal hours are according to how we feel. And if I don't feel up to cooking, we will have a frozen dinner. We couldn't do that with young ones.

Bedtime hours are also more flexible as we go to bed when we feel like it. If I can't sleep it's no big deal to get up and make us a cup of tea and go back a few hours later. Waking up late is no problem either, neither are nana naps anymore. I take them as required.

I don't think I would make a good mother these days: Xena often wakes me up to feed her and I feel quite annoyed. I suppose it would be different if it were a child.  

There's also a good reason for menopause: I think if I had a baby now I would forget where I had put it.  And now with fibromyalgia fog, I know I would! 

So even though I miss some aspects of my young mothering days, I am totally content with the flexibility empty nesting has now in my latter years. Besides, I couldn't stand being asleep while the teens get ready to go out. And forget about waiting up all night for them to get home safely. 

No, sometimes I am mighty happy to be an empty-nester! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: Ecclesiastes 3:1

Circles of her life.

I love this painting by Miriam Escofet of her own mother. She seems to be reflecting my own feelings of awareness of how fleeting life is. She is in tune with the present and seems to be lost in memories.

Perhaps she is feeling nostalgic, missing the noisy chatter of children and grandchildren at breakfasts past as she sits alone at table, finger tracing the circle of her cup.

Like her cup, her mind goes round in circles as she remembers years of meals and late night cuppas shared with her husband as they discuss news du jour and their children. Or waited for them to come home.

With years of devotion to her family and endless prayer, she raised her brood and was matriarch and beloved wife- yet now that busy life has come full circle and she sits at tea alone. 

No calls to see how she is going, no cards to remember her on Mother's Day- her endless love and bountiful giving now return to her void- a lonely circle.

Her sharp mind continues, her kind heart endures, but her body once strong now too has come full circle as her strength disappears.

She sees no one now and her love and wisdom is rejected by those who themselves were very wanted, and who started their own life in the nurturing circle of her womb.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent. Psalm 71:9

Cleaning for older women

I read this and thought not only would it be helpful for us older sisters, but also for us Sacrificial HomeKeepers especially those of us who suffer with fibromyalgia.

There are many websites that have detailed instructions teaching young women how to clean and organize their homes. However, I haven't been able to find much on teaching older women how to adjust to not being able to stay on a routine cleaning schedule due to health problems, yet keep a clean home.

This article can also apply to younger, healthier women too because of the unexpected occurrences that do happen in all our lives.

One thing you need to know about me is that I've always had the problem of perfectionism, which I have learned to control in recent years. You may be wondering why I consider perfectionism as a problem. For most people with this characteristic, they are uptight and easily upset when things don't go as planned. The least little thing that goes wrong immediately puts them in a bad mood. Why? Because they have lost control of the situation.

I have had to ask the Lord on many occasions to help me adjust my attitude and He has been faithful in doing so. I am MUCH more relaxed than I use to be and give the Lord all the credit because I don't think it is something you can change on your own. Oh, I occasionally will fall into my old way of thinking at times, but quickly realize that old enemy and put it away.

As we age, we usually end up with a few health problems along the way and we also tend to move a bit slower, thus taking longer to do one chore. It can be very frustrating to those who have always tried to keep a clean and tidy home. Maybe bending or stooping is causing you pain at times or you just can't seem to do as much in one day.

* My number one recommendation is to RELAX!!!!! I don't mean to sit all day eating bon-bons and watching soap operas, but relax your attitude.

If you are like most women, you dread another woman coming into your home if it isn't absolutely and perfectly clean and tidy. We are always apologizing for the way the house looks when most of the time, it is just fine.

Your children are grown and maybe already left the nest, so it is just you and your husband. This alone will help you because there are now only two to make a mess. Yet, the house still needs tender, loving care.

* Clutter in your home can appear to others as uncleanliness, so make sure to put things back where they belong and keep your home as clutter-free as possible. A tidy home will appear clean even when there are a few dust bunnies around. Maybe it's time to get rid of some things you no longer really need. Maybe that collection doesn't have the same appeal or meaning to you as it once did. Ask your children if they are interested in having it. If not, why not donate it or have a garage sale? The less "things" you have, the less dusting. Take a picture of it and put in a memory scrapbook! Then be happy you have less dusting to do.

* Your laundry loads will be greatly diminished when it is just the two of you. I have found that on days my back is acting up, I can sometimes still accomplish doing the laundry by having a low stool by the dryer to sit on. That way I can reach into the dryer without bending over and sit there folding each item. My husband and daughter frown on me doing anything when my back is bothering me and they say, "Why didn't you call me to do that?!!!!" Well, I'm the type of person that if I can find a way to do something myself, I'll do it. Asking for help is my last resort.

* Depending on your ailment, sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming can be difficult along with cleaning the tub/shower. May I suggest to look at alternative cleaning equipment? A couple of years ago my daughter gave me a Swiffer floor vac and Swiffer wet jet. These two items have been a tremendous help to me. They are VERY lightweight and easy to use. Of course these are to be used on hard floor surfaces only. I read once where a woman used an old-fashioned mop to clean her tub and shower. Prevented her from having to bend over. If you are completely unable to do these tasks and your husband isn't able to do them either, why not consider asking one of your children if they have time once a week to do this for you? Or maybe someone from your church? I would recommend that you try to get someone you know very well.

* If you have clothes and shoes in your closet that you haven't worn in a long time, get rid of them. Same thing with bed linens. Get rid of excess. It's that much less to collect dust or mold. Haven't you ever noticed the "old person" odor when you walk into someone's home? Just because you are getting older doesn't mean you should quit caring for your home and yourself. Be sure to bathe/shower daily. Don't forget to wash your hair! Get in the habit of laundering small loads instead of letting clothes and damp towels set around until you have a big load to wash. At least once a year, ask a strong person you know to come in and move furniture for you so that you can clean behind those items. Don't forget to take care of those curtains! Wash and dry or have them dry cleaned.

What I am still trying to get through my thick skull is to pace myself on the good days. Give myself less tasks to complete and to take frequent breaks. It is difficult to change our habits, but it can be done. I am having to break a lifelong habit of "Get all your work done and then you can rest."

A typical day for me goes like this:

Before getting out of bed, I thank the Lord for the day and for my family and ask Him to guide each of us in all we say and do that day.

Then it's time to get up, get dressed, and have a cup of hot tea with honey (sometimes I treat myself to a cup of coffee, black only) and watch the news with Hubby while waking up. Then it's time to prepare something for breakfast.

No, I do not wear heels around the house. It's socks and slippers during cold weather and sandals during hot weather. I don't wear a head covering, but I do like wearing an apron.

After breakfast I clean up the kitchen and then sit down to check email and decide what I'm going to try and accomplish that day. Depending on what is to be done, I remind myself that if it is going to take longer than 15-30 minutes, I MUST take a break. This is usually when I'll do a blog post or visit a few blogs and check emails again.

Since my Hubby is retired on disability, we have our lunch together around noon each day. If I'm having a good day, I will try to accomplish another task after lunch. If not, then I keep my hands busy. I'll do...knit or crochet.

As a homemaker, we all would love our husband and children to really take notice of what we do. Sometimes we feel we are taken for granted and wonder, "Is my family really grateful for the things I do around here?" You all KNOW what I'm saying. We don't expect them to come home everyday and gush over how clean the house looks, but every once in a while it's nice for one of them to thank us for what we do. Well, this feeling DOES happen to the man of the house. Here's what happened:

I've not been able to vacuum lately and my daughter has been busy and gone a lot. Hubby and I both have been having back troubles, but last Friday I was feeling a bit better and told him I had to get out of the house for a while. I went shopping.

Later in the afternoon, he said, "Did you notice I vacuumed?"

I looked down and said with a grin, "When did you do that?"

"While you were gone to town. You know when I vacuum, it really needs it!"

Then he said that he was going to wait and see if I noticed that he had vacuumed, but couldn't stand to wait any longer and had to tell me what he did. LOL! So, I thanked him. :) Written by Sharon from Sharon's Roses blog which has been deleted now...

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.  Titus 2:4-5 

Serving God when the nest's empty

I have been a homemaker since I was 16 years old- 51 years in total. I love a clean house, and I plan and clean, but after the cleaning is over, my heart asks ‘now what?’  I don’t find that housework in itself brings me full satisfaction in my Christian life. It is my responsibility before God to run my household well and to look after my family, but what about after that’s done for the day? I mean, after 51 years, you do get housekeeping down to a fine art! Over the years I have found ways that I can work from my home and serve Christ and others.

Now I realise that there are many home-based businesses you can do, but I am specifically talking about ministry- acts of charity and kindness one can do from home. With small children at your feet, and dinners baking in ovens and simmering in crockpots. Laundry tumbling happily in the laundry room and no freedom to leave the home. And really there is no need. As keepers of the home, it is to our advantage to be at home-for then people will know where to find you. But therein lies the problem:; how do we satisfy that craving to serve Christ and others more fully whilst still being Keepers of the Home? How can we show charity and acts of kindness to others whilst at home?

There are many ways one can be charitable and kind to others without leaving home. Here are some of the things I have done with children around me, and now grandchildren.

* I have baked for the woman down the street who was on bed rest for a problematic pregnancy. And learnt to praise God that mine weren’t.

*I have designed and typed resumes for neighbours who didn’t have the ability or computer. Put to use my training as a data entry operator.

* Designed my own cards with a personal message for the sick and sent a child over

* I have minded a fractious baby for a friend who was a new mother and just needed some time-out! (Wishing I had had that myself in hindsight. Smile)

* Over a cup of tea, I would help a friend work out a budget as she wasn’t sure how to stretch the funds and her husband had handed the responsibility over to her (probably feeling overwhelmed) I have been there too- but because of that, I had become extremely good at frugality. For which I praise the LORD!

* As it became known that I could sew, it was not uncommon to have a hem of some school trousers or a friend’s dress to take up or even to be asked to finish knitting a baby jacket someone had started and was running out of time to finish.

* I would provide free after school care for my neighbour’s children if she had a dental or medical appointment that would prevent her from getting home earlier.

* I have sat at home packing endless pieces of jewellry or Christmas cards with a friend who was subsidising her disability pension with piece work and was behind.

* I have laundered clothes for a friend with a house full of sick children and so overwhelmed with that and laundry that I told her to bring a few loads to me.

* And ironed those clothes too- now that’s love! (Smile)

* My home has been like a crèche some days as the neighbour’s children played with mine because their Mother was morning-sick (I relate so well to that one!)

* And I have just sat at my kitchen table with a cup of tea and listened to some friend’s problems and offered advice if asked, but mostly listened. A problem shared is a problem halved! Never underestimate the gift of learning when to listen and when to keep silent. Many mistakes made and lessons learnt for me there!

* I have sewn countless little cotton shifts and pants for the orphanage our church sponsored in Madagascar. I never saw them wearing them, but I got letters!

* I have sat countless hours after my housework was done sewing sequins on big banners for the Worship Hall in our church. Thousands of sequins..thousands!

* And I have lost count of the number of women who have come with unfinished projects that we have worked on at my home. Sewing, knitting, crochet… And speaking of crochet and knitting…teaching a couple of friends crochet and knitting and how to read knitting patterns!

* Teaching my friend to touch type was another thing I did at home. That taught me a lot about patience, believe me!

* A young man who was my son’s friend couldn’t read and confided in me and he came and I taught him to read. He has a lot of confidence now! Praise God!

* I helped a friend with a disabled child do physical therapy at my home on the days when she was too exhausted to do it. I sure learnt a lot about a mother’s love!

* A rather humorous time was my neighbour who lived behind me asked me to show her how to peg her laundry out like I did- boy, I didn’t know she was looking!

* A young wife wasn’t sure how to use ammonia on her oven and asked me for a demo. I had the cleanest oven in town by the end of the day.

And then there were the fun times- I was showing the same woman how to bake a certain recipe, and it flopped! But the fellowship was sweet at least!  The LORD will give you wisdom to know who is needy and who is greedy or lazy! It is never good to be used up when there is no need of it. But I found the majority of people asked for help only when it was truly needed- but I feel I must caution you to be aware that some people can abuse your friendship if you don’t set boundaries and use wisdom.

Putting this all to paper makes me realise just how many things we can do from home to show charity and kindness to others. I am sure you can think of more. But it is these things that I believe make up that part of home keeping that are fulfilling for me. 

After my house is clean- then I can joyfully branch out into that part of life some call ‘ministry’, others call helping, or friendship or mentoring. Whatever it is called, it is possible to be kind and charitable from your home. Not only does it help your neighbour, but it helps you feel totally fulfilled in your calling as a wife and mother. 

What better way of serving Christ than to serve others in His Name? I give God the glory for bringing these people into my life, and for allowing me to pass on a little of what I have gleaned of life along the way. May the LORD richly bless you in your homes and bring opportunities for acts of charity and kindness to you.

Please note that this was over a period of years... my recollections over the most productive years of my life prior to becoming chronically ill...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God." 1 Peter 4:10

Always a blessing

Living a satisfying and fruitful Christian life as an older woman is important. In applying godly principles and priorities to our life, we can avoid the pitfalls of succumbing to depression during the years of empty nesting. With the benefit of life experience and years of walking with Christ, we can be a blessing to those closest round us even in later life.

I love to encourage Christian women in their most precious calling. Although I now have passed the season of childbearing and child raising, I still find that my life can influence my adult children and their children. Being a mother and a godly woman never stops! In sharing my heart as an older Sister in Christ in the spirit of Titus 2 and Proverbs 31, I feel that I am still living my life out in a scripturally pleasing way and in keeping with godly priorities.

It is important that the older Christian woman encourages and teaches her younger sisters (and that includes her daughters and granddaughters) It is my prayer that younger women will catch the beauty and freedom we have in Christ by accepting that marriage, children and home are our first and most precious calling and ministry. I pray too that if you are an older sister like myself, that you will rise up and bless younger women too!

By living life according to godly priorities and principles, the aging Christian woman can find satisfaction and joy and be a blessing to those closest to her, even after her children have left the nest, for now is the time for outside ministry. God never wants us to feel unfulfilled and empty-He wants us to pass on the baton of godly womanhood.

God's ways are good: they are always good! And He says you will always be a blessing!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


"The aged women likewise, that [they be] in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children," Titus 2:4-5

The nest may be empty but the heart isn't

All of our 6 children have flown the nest. It certainly made me teary with all of them and I think that is normal. We have nurtured them from the moment they were conceived and I think that it is as if a big part of us feels like we are losing them. I have found that although it gets a little easier with each one, it is still like a grieving process.

It is a painful process sending them into the world, just like bringing them into the world. I have felt numb inside like a wooden doll as I waved my children goodbye. But the healing comes in the satisfaction of a job well-done after you see each fledgling fly.

Motherhood doesn't stop. And neither does your marriage. You will continue to be the hub of your home, even when your children have flown the nest. They will still need your advice and support. And your dear husband will always need you. 

As the children start leaving, would be a great time to concentrate on developing mutual interests and hobbies and keeping that flame of romance alive. I know it seems like you have nowhere to go- but it truly is just a bend in the road! 

Most of us find that we are still needed for advice, particularly when our children have children. We have life experience that is to be passed down to our grown children. And whereas we spoke to our children about God a lot when they were growing up, we find that we are talking to God a lot about them as they mature and leave our home.

The bond of motherhood- indeed parenthood, never is broken- they may be separated from you, but they are forever in your heart. The nest may be empty, but the heart isn't.

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Isaiah 49:15