Morning Cuppas With Glenys : Our Husband

Showing posts with label Our Husband. Show all posts

Don't feel guilty for being a woman

As a friend of mine said, women are made to feel so guilty for being women- wanting to marry, stay home and keep house and mother our children! We have nothing to thank the feminist movement for. .. our identity as women has been trampled on and we who wish to stay at home have had that dream sullied by strident women who have penis envy!

We women are created to nurture. It is in our nature to pick up a dolly and embrace her from the time we can grasp her and bring her to our chest and lips... it is entirely natural for us to offer that dolly sustenance from a toy bottle or even our breast, in imitation of our mothers feeding younger siblings...

How many of us have received a cup of tea from tiny teacups, sipping it slowly to delight our little hostesses who are still too young to be entrusted with real teapots and teacups? Or watched the toddler girl trying to tuck her baby into her tiny dolly's pram, covering its head completely and far too young to really tuck her in? -yet her tenderness and concern is charming to watch...

Now the feminists try to tell us that we are responsible for training our daughters to become servile, and meek and weak, forcing them into a life of subservience that thwarts their potential both personally and financially. It is easy to see that the majority of these feminists have not mothered sons who will toddle up to a dolly and proceed to poke at her eyes and twist her joints and disrobe her in an attempt to see how she works... his interest is one of inquisitiveness.... he too is doing what comes naturally to him. Working things out in a practical way...

Feminists have been instrumental in promoting contraception and abortion on demand. They have stolen a lot of women's dreams of being mothers and have often lied to them about consequences that they say are detrimental to them- mostly career achievements that in the end leave them with empty arms and ashes in their mouth.

Even the married woman is convinced that her desire to be a mother is misplaced, especially if her desire is for a large family, and sadly even in some churches, this is seen to be an ambition that is frowned upon. Yet God Himself has placed the desire to bear children and to bring children up, in our hearts. Yet many feel guilty that they have these desires.... desires which are God given and good.

What God considers of great importance, creating a happy home for the raising of children unto Him, with the blessing of marriage and a committed father, is being destroyed by feminists who are often self-proclaimed lesbian man-haters... women who see marriage as a male invention of tyranny and control, and pregnancy as the undesirable biological entrapment of their gender...

From an early age a little girl will often be fascinated by brides and all the trimmings of a wedding, and again this is natural. Yet feminists have now managed to influence girls to delay getting married or to cohabit without expecting or even wanting to be married, and again we find the women of today who secretly long to be married feeling guilty for desiring something that really is their birthright as women. Feminism has taken away that which is precious to our identity as women- being a wife and enjoying the security and esteem that being married brings to a woman who loves her man...

Whilst some feminists did marry and have children, most divorced as their feminist ways weren't conducive to a happy marriage. Still others cohabited but remained voluntarily childless... many took lesbian lovers..

Now not everyone is called to be married and mothers, but these feminist women have so trampled on our natural identity as women that young women and girls are feeling guilty for being women! They are so confused with what they want in life that they are not only guilty that they want marriage, home and children but that they are also afraid. They are often forced to excel at school and university in order to provide for themselves, and are often in the position of finding out that even though they do now want marriage and motherhood, that they have left their run too late.

Thanks to feminism making women guilty and afraid of their womanhood, many women who in the natural scheme of things, should already be wives and mothers, are doomed to remain single. Or, hearing the biological clock ticking, they find their only option to at least become mothers limited to a one night stand or artificial insemination.... hardly ideal for the foundation of a new family...

I know this is true because I have an acquaintance who has fallen for the feminists' lies and who now has found herself in exactly that position.... we are waiting to see how she approaches being childless, which reportedly happened to Germaine Greer after she discovered she did in fact want a child but was unable to have one....

All this feminist clap-trap has done nothing for womankind but heap coals of fire on young women's heads. What should be a natural God-given course of life for a woman has been thwarted and defiled... Countless women have actually become victims of feminists' lies and are destined to live out lonely sad lives... lives rich in worldly possessions but poor in those things of eternal value.

I am sorry for the young women today who feel guilty for being a woman.... I pray that they will come to realise that they are victims of feminist women who tried to liberate them from the good things God had for them, but who instead bound them up in chains of regret and longings that they will have to endure for the rest of their lonely lives...

Please ladies, don't let feminists make you feel guilty for being a woman...

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Psalm 127:3

Don't play shoot the spouse!

There is a very old, unpleasant and dangerous game around. In it married couples fling insults and put downs, and indulge in innuendo and other tactics that are designed to bring their spouse down.

This game, apart from being utterly unpleasant for others to watch, is guaranteed to cause resentment between spouses and create general ill feeling toward each other, which will permeate all who come in their circles. The game is called Shoot the Spouse!

Really good contestants in the game will acquire years of practice before finally extinguishing any semblance of respect and love in their affronted spouse. They ideally will have started with snide remarks and sarcasm, gradually building up to full blown insults, punctuated by demands and threats.The really seasoned contestants will have the ability to silence their spouse with a look or gesture, practised over many years of tense stand-offs and silent treatment.

A truly professional and seasoned player of The Game will be able to successfully reduce a spouse to tears or blows, usually dependant on the spouses’ gender. Shoot The Spouse is especially deceptive is the fact that neither player initially appears to be playing as the leading player of the game will be such a consummate player as to ensure that the game will be fully established in its unpleasantness and demoralising affect before the targeted spouse is aware that they have been engaged in play.

Once engaged in Shoot The Spouse, it is often difficult to regain the affronted spouses’ affections as mentioned previously. Therefore, this game is especially conducive to lining divorce lawyers’ and marriage counsellors’ pockets and the end result is that neither player wins!

The makers of Shoot The Spouse advise that only those prepared to lose out on a harmonious home life and happy marriage, should compete in this game. Shoot The Spouse is not a game for those who desire to keep their marriage strong, or for the kind-hearted, but it is highly recommended for those who love to live life on the edge and gamble with each other’s happiness.

Those unwilling to risk or gamble with such high odds of blowing their spouse out of the water and shooting themselves in the foot, are advised not to play Shoot The Spouse!

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband." Ephesians 5:33

A marriage follows a wedding

A wedding comes with a lot of preparation and planning. As the day draws near, it is very busy and sometimes even frantic.

For us women, our own wedding brings to fruition years and years of imagination and dreaming. As we all know, this starts from our earliest years.

It is often joked about, but unfortunately it is true that usually the groom takes a back seat and is consulted on just minor matters. After which he basically just has to turn up on the day. This can lead to a problem. Often a groom can get the impression that all that is important is the wedding and that he comes second in all the busyness of wedding plans.

Ladies, it is imperative that we nurture our relationship and ensure that our fiance is not feeling left out or unloved. Women are prone to doing this as we get engrossed in the newest chapter of our life and we often see this when a new baby comes into the home.

We must plan for a wedding but we also must keep it in perspective and realise that after a wedding, a marriage follows. A wedding lasts for a day, a marriage lasts a life time.

The tending of our relationship in regards not putting our fiance last, should start before the wedding day and should continue after the wedding with a marriage until death do you part.

A wedding is just the beginning of a life together. So we would do well to remember that our marriage will take effort for it to endure and to be a happy union.

Being a beautiful bride is the easy part: most women look radiant on their wedding day. But that's only the start of a marriage.

Let's remember to concentrate on being a beautiful wife and mother- a job that is both as challenging as it is satisfying - but a job that is far more important in eternal values than having a long veil and white dress.

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband." Ephesians 5:33

Who gets the first-fruits of you?

This probably is a silly sounding title for a post, but what I am asking is: who gets the cream off the top of the milk when it comes to getting the best from you? We are so many things to so many people that we can at times be spread quite thin and we can find that we are giving the first-fruits of ourselves to people, projects and things that do not deserve first place in our life's priorities.

Because we are so many things to so many people, and we only have so many hours in our day to be that special person, I have to ask: who really gets the best of you? God? Husband? Children? Home? friends? extended family? work? or church? Is your best given to those who do not truly benefit from your best? Are you so bound up in cleaning your house that you forget to play with your babies? Are you so busy spinning your wheel that your husband gets the dregs of your best self at the end of a busy day? Did you hit the floor running this morning and forget to have some time with the LORD? and do you fall into bed exhausted and strangely discontented and frustrated because you haven't accomplished half of what you set out to do today and you feel out of control? I have been there- and still am sometimes.

I think it is then that we have to sit back and look at what is key in our life- who warrants the first-fruits of our being- our person- our spirit-our time. Do we really want to shower our lovely smiles on strangers in shops but scowl at our spouse? Do we want to be caught up in soap operas on TV or endless shopping trips when we could have spent that time playing with our children? And could we have organised our day better so that our house was clean and tidied up before our husband came home to find us agitatedly trying to do in 10 mins what should have been done earlier on in the day? Is he greeted with a scowling face because he is already home and dinner isn't even started yet? I have been there I am afraid to say.

Life is short and we owe it to ourselves and our families to settle what our priorities in life are. For all of us God is our first priority. He deserves the creme de la creme of our lives. Our love, our attention, our obedience and our service. We simply must take time to study our bible, meditate on the Word, pray and worship. And meet with the Body of Christ on a regular basis if possible.

Secondly for those of us who are married, our spouse needs a major part of the first-fruits of our being- because he is one with us. We must love, honour, respect and (yes) obey him as unto the LORD. We must plan to spend some time with him deferring to him, listening to him, paying close attention to what he is saying and taking an interest in him. This is key to having an ongoing vibrant and intimate relationship with him. It would be disastrous to our marriages if our husbands had been so neglected that they felt that they had lost closeness with the one woman they really ever need- us: the wife.

We must do all in our power to fill the deep longing for loving sexual intimacy with our husband. He must never feel that he must grovel for our favours or compete with his children- much as you both love them- he must know in his heart that after God, he is Lord. Even Sarah called Abraham Lord out of respect for him. I do not feel that we have to call them "Lord", but we must respect and love our husbands with the deferential treatment we give to our LORD as a service unto Him.

Then in our priorities comes our children. They need most of the first-fruits of our being- our love, patience, training, feeding, clothing, teaching, nurturing, nursing, and caring of bodily needs. And they deserve a mother who is there as Mom whenever they need her. Mothering never stops- not even when the children are grown. They will still call for advice with their children or with their relationships or jobs. It is imperative that we reserve our energies for them too.

Then there is the home: our haven. We have a responsibility under God to look well to the ways of our own household. Our home needs to be tended and protected for this is where the family grows and the seed of civilisation is sown. Here is where the principles of faith are not only taught but shown in the little things as well as the big. Here we train our children to cope with life, to be godly, domestic or mechanical, caring, honest and disciplined.

From here the springs of water in knowledge will flow into the hearts and minds of all who live there. The home will be firmly imprinted on our minds for good or bad- yet that imprint will be indelible. Home will forever be etched in our hearts and will draw us back in thoughts if not in deed. Your home then demands a large part of the first-fruits of your endeavours and discipline.

How can this all be achieved? I don't have my days so well planned yet that I have found the perfect answer for my own home. Some days my illness makes me extremely tired. But one thing I have found to be true- the day must be started with God. It is amazing to see how much more can be accomplished after a time with the Lord Jesus. I find that He clarifies my thinking and helps me establish my daily path. I pray about what must be achieved this very day. Then I write it down. I continue in prayer for personal needs or guidance and I finish up by playing worship music. This sets the tone of my day.

I then continue throughout the day trying to focus on that which I have planned to do, crossing off things as I finish. Because I am aware of the other priorities in my life, I try to have time set aside with my husband and I try to allow for unforeseen events such as taking my mother to the doctor or so on. No day is ever going to go to plan precisely, in fact life would be very dull without any challenges. But I truly believe if we start to realise our priorities and keep to them, then those people and things deserving of the best of our lives will be satisfied.

By establishing a routine with those priorities in mind, you will not stretch yourself too thin and the first-fruits of your life will be given to those people and projects that have eternal value. If you plan your life on these Godly priorities, I guarantee you will find rest comes easy and life is much more fulfilling.

" So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

The King was in his counting house

There is an old rhyme that jokingly says, "What's yours is mine and what's mine's my own!" It usually refers to money more than possessions. Chris often says that to me when I ask him for some money!

We are able to laugh about it because nothing is further from the truth in our marriage. We don't have his and her money.... all monies that come into the house belong to us both. We are a team in everything in life, including money.

Because we share everything in life, we also share how we have spent our money... which isn't often because most times before we spend, we discuss it.. If we have been separated during the day, we will come home and work out our finances together.

Ever since our marriage nearly 22 years ago, we have used Microsoft Money 2000, a computer software package that we work out our budget on and we keep track of our expenses and income. Because I am more computer savvy than Chris and am used to working out finances as part of my previous job positions, he allows me control of our finances.

When I say control, I do not mean secrecy, or spending unwisely. I mean budgeting, keeping an account of expenses and bills and so forth. There is no control of how he spends money in the sense that I dole out X amount of money to him and no more...No, we are a partnership and as such we are accountable one to the other regarding what we have done with our money.

Each evening for example, I will check our bank account, check the amount of money in my purse and Chris' wallet and work out the money... If Chris has spent some money, he tells me how much and on what, and I just do an adjustment in the ledger... I don't fuss over what it was as I trust Chris to have discussed with me if we are going to buy anything if it is a large purchase.

Likewise, if I need to buy something for a birthday, or some clothes or something on ebay, I will always ask him first... most times if I say that is affordable, he will agree. I never have to feel guilty over any purchases. He trusts me implicitly as well.

Every pay fortnight, I work out the bills and then Chris sits down at the computer with me and we discuss which ones we will pay... sometimes my plans in the Money Program are changed around if Chris thinks we will be over committed and we will rearrange things...

Money is not an issue with us because we see that we use it wisely and jointly. It never is allowed to come between us in causing arguments and strife. We know that money can cause problems in some marriages and we don't want it to be one in ours...

I received a little money from my Uncles' inheritance when we were first married. We bought our first home with that money as a deposit... I wanted that money to be something that Chris could benefit from as well as me..

There have been a few people known to us who have his and her money and who even have secreted some away in case the marriage goes belly up... we never want anything like this in our marriage...

Sometimes if I have managed to be frugal, I will stay out in the kitchen, and let Chris get a surprise and see for himself... it is a great joy to me to please him like this... it kind of reminds me of the King in the counting house, counting all his money...I do love to see my frugality pay off...

Money problems are listed in second place to sexual problems and infidelity, so money should have its rightful place in your marriage... don't let it- no matter how much or how little, become a stumbling block for you both but share in its management together!

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. Proverbs 31:11

It's all good

I have always sought to live my life according to God's Word, and I have tried to encourage other Christian women in their walk. Over the five years that I have written of God's wonderful plan for us as wives, mothers and homemakers, I have been impressed with how the 5 areas of priority in our lives overlap so much that at times I have had to categorise them by adding all the 5 areas to each post. Let me explain.

Just a quick recap of the five areas of service for the Christian woman and wife in order of priority:

Husband

Children

Home

Church

We must serve God and have Him first in our life. "He hath shewed thee, O man, what [is] good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?" Micah 6:8

Because everything is spiritual in our life, I have discovered that when we serve our husbands, we are serving Christ. " Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as is fit in the Lord " Colossians 3:18 "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy" 1 Corinthians 7:14

When we look after our home, we are serving God, our husband and our children. "I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." 1 Timothy 5:14

Serving in church or serving in God's Name is important but should not come before all the other 4 priorities are in order. (widows) " well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work" 1 Timothy 5:10

I have found that often I cannot place a post under just one category because it is so closely correlated to the other categories of service. This is because everything in our lives is spiritual. When we consider the umbrella of God's protection as well, we can see that God's plan for our lives is amazing. We have everything here to guide us as wives, mothers and homemakers. We can be sure that we are living our lives in a way that is pleasing to God and in keeping with His Word.

It is not only comforting to know that God's Word guides us in our daily living, but it is also amazing that we can know with a certainty that God not only approves of us being wives, mothers and homemakers, but that He calls most of us to be that!

If God has called us to be a wife with all that entails, then let us rejoice in His plan for our life. In doing so, we can be partners with God in His greatest creation: people who will love Him and live for eternity with Him! And we will live an abundant life full of blessings as Christ has promised.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Investing in eternal treasures

Many years ago, I studied Anne Ortlund’s Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman with a group of ladies. We discussed Mrs. Ortlund's ideas and agreed that, apart from a lot of good ideas for us being disciplined in our lives, she was off base regarding our priorities as women. For our priorities are clear in God's Word:

God
Husband
Children
Home
Church
Outreach

We decided on this in light of Titus 2 and other verses, and I believe that this is, indeed, the best way to prioritise our lives. Outside ministries are fine, provided that your husband agrees and is supportive of it and that your children and household duties are not neglected. Our biggest ministry is to our own family. We shortchange them when we are neglectful of them due to over commitment and tiredness.

How can it honour the LORD for us to give all our energy to others when our marriages may suffer and our children run wild? We end up giving the first fruits of our energy and commitment to others. I believe that we should see any form of ministry outside the home as secondary to the ministry of Mother and Wife. If duties are in order at home and your husband is not feeling neglected, then I believe you can engage in outside ministry with a happy heart.

Many women do not see the importance of their role as Mother and Wife and feel frustrated in not being able to participate in outside ministry. God has placed us in a ministry precisely because we are wives and/or mothers. We don't have to be discontented and looking for other ministries...we have our calling already.

I think placing priorities outside the biblical order jeopardises our happiness in our homes and families, and you can believe me, even service in ministry can be a lonely experience if you have lost those closest to you. When you put God's priorities in order, He is being served first, second, third, fourth, and fifth. He is all in all and in everything you do.

We need to invest more time in our marriages and families, not less, and to God will be all the glory when we raise godly children--future warriors for the LORD and bearers of His name.

Enjoy your calling, ladies; you are investing in eternal treasures.

“See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” Ephesians 5:15-17

A prayer for unsaved husbands

Father, You said it is not good that man be alone, and in Your love, You created a help meet just for him.

You ordained the first marriage in the Garden of Eden.

And You said it was good! LORD, we who love you and marriage have found ourselves tasting of the beauty in marriage and we agree with You: it is good.

But he who we have covenanted to love forever is not yet in Your Kingdom- we are together but still lonely... our spirits long for soul intimacy with our husband.

What we know is good could be much better! We ask that You bring our husbands into Your Kingdom. A threefold cord isn't easily broken.

Please grant us our hearts' desire LORD, for being equally yoked is in Your Will..We pray for strength,

Patience and love to endure this lonely path known only to a Christian wife Who wants a truly godly marriage.

In Jesus' Name we pray. Amen.

For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife? 1 Corinthians 7:16

Don't feel guilty for being a woman

I know this is true because I have an acquaintance who has fallen for the feminists' lies and who now has found herself in exactly that position.... we are waiting to see how she approaches being childless, which incidentally happened to Germaine Greer after she discovered she did in fact want a child but was unable to have one....

Please ladies, don't let feminists make you feel guilty for being a woman...

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, [and to be] a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. Psalm 113:9

Only God can change your man!

My childhood was not a really good one. My father was an alcoholic and Mum's brother who lived with us was also one. Anger and domestic violence were our lot, especially on weekends.

My mother particularly hated drink and was a tea-totaller herself. I wondered why she married Dad as they were not really well suited. But I think Mum made the fatal mistake of thinking that her love would be stronger than the alcohol and that she would change him after they were married.

Unfortunately, the alcohol was stronger than his love for her, and Mum became a vicious shrew to him and us children.

The more Mum tried to change Dad, the more he rebelled and I can still remember him sitting in his armchair in the lounge room. He would look thoughtfully at the glass of beer he was holding and say loudly, 'I am what I am!' and Mum would taunt him by singing "Nowhere man!" to him. We would then have to flee late at night with Dad throwing beer bottles at us as we frantically ran down the street.

I know God can miraculously deliver people from alcoholism, but unfortunately Dad only gave it up when he had open heart surgery at the tender age of 50. He died six weeks later...

I didn't pick up on the red flags in my own hasty marriage in 1969. At the tender age of 16 I got engaged, became pregnant and married two months later. It was a marriage that nearly didn't take place.

As I said, I should have seen the red flags: the cruelty to animals, the bashing of homosexuals: (before I met him, but he bragged about it), the talking over me, and the strong will that was overbearing. Well, I think I did see those flags, as after a particularly nasty argument, I decided I would break the engagement.

I was a little hesitant to do that because my period was late. I broke my parents' hearts when I told them the result was positive and they offered me a view options.

They would arrange an abortion: no way would I abort a child. Besides, I was hoping that my child perhaps would love *this* love-starved child.

They would keep the child and raise it as their own: they would have to be kidding- I was already planning the nursery in a home where there would be peace. After all, love would conquer all once we were married...

Or they would arrange a hasty marriage... that was the option I took.

But there was no peace, for no sooner had the confetti blown away than the abuse started and when I lost those twin girls six months later, I cried for the babies dying and for the mess I was in.

My marriage lasted 25 long years and I had plenty of time to realise that love does not conquer all. It is far better to stay single than be with the wrong person.

If you can't respect him or condone what he does prior to marriage, don't marry him! People do not usually change just because you marry them or you have a child.

Look carefully before you enter into marriage and never think you will have the power to change your husband after you become his wife.

We are his wife first, not his mother. Wives accept their husbands as they are, they don't train him.

Don't marry him if you have any doubts and think you can change him after, because only God can change your man!

He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

The only Valentine's Day gift I needed

So yesterday was Valentine's Day and millions of lovers or would be lovers around the world celebrated with gifts, cards and romantic conversations.

To be honest, Chris and I don't usually celebrate it. "Why not?" you ask. We live Valentine's Day every day of the year. Our love is not acknowledged only once a year.

It has always been like this between us with no hurt feelings. We simply don't need it or find it necessary.

You can imagine my surprise when I read a message of love from Chris on my Facebook wall yesterday. I must confess, it was a happy surprise. You can believe me, I was quick to reply to it. It was fun...

Later on as Chris was saying Grace before we ate dinner, he thanked the LORD for our meal then he added, "..and thank You for my darling wife who cooked this meal, and please LORD, keep her safe!"

"What did you mean, Chris when you asked the LORD to keep me safe?" I asked when he had finished.

"Well, I can not bear to live without you: I asked Him to keep you safe!" he responded. I was misty-eyed and I told him how lovely that was to hear. He rose and came round the table to me and kissed me.

It was the only Valentine's Day gift I needed or wanted.

‘The heart of her husband safely trusts her: so he will have no lack of gain: she does him good and not evil all the days of her life’ Proverbs 31: 11-12

Don't relinquish your role!

As you probably know, in my first 25 year marriage, I was an abused wife. But along with physical abuse, I was daily subjected to disrespect and psychological stress.

By the time I was married for about 15 years, I was broken physically and emotionally. I was in hospital frequently for a spinal disease called Sheurmann's Disease, and for surgery to remove kidney stones. Each time I came home, the disrespect was worse.

After a few years of this, I noticed that my daughter, who was a teenager at the time, was changing her attitude towards me. She became cheeky and sassy and answered me back constantly. Whenever I appealed for some backup from her father, he would defend her. I felt isolated and lonely in my own home.

As she grew older, I noticed that they both talked more than he and I did, and there was a definite bond and camaraderie. I felt like the third wheel.

In the morning I would make my beds and maintain my home, and when my daughter came home from school, she would pull them all back and redo them, stating that they weren't made properly.

Often my ex-husband would come home to unmade beds and he would start screaming at me, swearing and calling me horrid names. He didn't believe me when I told him I had made them and that she had pulled them back for me to make again. Honestly, with my ill health, once a day was enough for me to find the strength to make them.

In the end, I didn't make them, letting her do them when she got home from school. It was just wasting my precious spoons (energy) for nothing- they would be remade and I would get a tongue lashing regardless.

I think this was where the rug was pulled from under my feet. I gradually was treated like a naughty child by both my ex-husband and my eldest daughter. In fact when we were moving house and it was time to choose the colours and tiles etc, they conferred and I was just informed what it would be.

To say that I was not mistress of my own home is an understatement. I was an annoying lazy freeloader according to them. I couldn't work outside the home and they begrudged me anything at all.

When finally I could no longer keep any food down due to fear and depression, and sick of punched arms and bruises, I decided to leave. And in my confusion, I grabbed some clothes pegs with my clothes and this was duly reported to her father who demanded them to be returned.

I don't believe even today that there was any sexual connection with my daughter and her father, but there was a bond that cemented them together, but which excluded me. And I was powerless to change it and my cries for marriage counselling fell on deaf ears. It became too much.

Truly, three in a marriage is never what God intended. Nor did He intend for a man to cleave to his daughter and deny his wife due regard and respect. It is not a normal marriage.

So why do I tell you this? you ask. Because you must find the strength to fight being made an outsider in your role as a wife, mother and home maker. You simply must demand respect from your husband, even if it exhausts you. You must insist on respect from your children.

I wish I had been aware of this earlier and been firmer, but I can only say that I was beaten down so badly by him and chronic illness, that I could hardly stand. Start defending your right to be a wife and a respected mother. Your role is ordained by God. Don't relinquish it.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

“I will give children to be their princes, and babes shall rule over them.." Isaiah 3:4

The origin of the wedding ring

When we married, Chris and I chose to each wear a wedding ring. Mine is a small rounded band yellow gold ring whilst Chris's is half rounded and wide in yellow gold. We do love wearing them and would feel lost without them.

When we were both single after long-term marriages, being remarried was on both our hearts. When finally we met, we discovered that we both had looked at people's wedding fingers, searching for rings, wondering if the person was attached. And we both recall feeling a sense of envy and longing when we saw a wedding ring worn on that special finger.

To be honest, I think most married people can attest to the pride that they felt as they showed their rings to their guests at their wedding reception, and most can still feel a sense of pride and contentment in wearing theirs. Although wedding rings are not mentioned in Scripture and therefore do not constitute a marriage per se, they are indicative of the covenant and a pledge of love between our husbands and ourselves that should speak to us each time we reflect on why we wear them.

I decided to do a little research on wedding rings to find out just why they are important to our culture and their origin, here is what I have found:

Wedding rings originated in Ancient Egypt more than 4,800years ago. They were originally created with hemp, rushes or braided grass and worn only by women.

The circular shape of the Wedding Ring symbolises the never-ending love between husband and wife. It is worn on the third finger of the left hand. This tradition began as the vein in this finger is believed to be the ‘vena amoris’ or ‘vein of love’ which leads directly to the heart.

After the Egyptians, the Romans continued the Wedding Ring tradition introducing a more permanent metal – Iron. During the middle ages in Europe, Gold became the most popular choice for Wedding Rings. During this time, precious gems, such as Rubies, Sapphires and Diamonds, also started to be used in the creation of Wedding Rings.

A token of love, a symbol of forever. Whether a plain metal band or an exquisite work of craftsmanship, the wedding ring has played a central role in marriage ceremonies throughout history.

Ancient Times

According to Penny Proddow and Marion Fasel, co-authors of "With This Ring," the exact origins of the wedding ring are unknown. However, it was tradition in ancient Rome for brides to wear a simple iron band. In the third century, "key engagement rings" were given to a betrothed woman to celebrate entering her husband's home.

1400s

During the 15th century, precious gems set inside gold rings became fashionable. Each stone had a special meaning and was usually cut into a pyramid.

1500s

Jewish wedding rings in Italy and Germany became elaborate with miniature temples designed on a band adorned with messages and stories.

1600s

By the 17th century, gimmel rings with hidden messages and secret openings were created for couples. The ring was split apart at engagement for both the man and woman to wear. During the wedding, the whole ring was slid back on the bride's finger to symbolize unity.

1700s and 1800s

The claddagh design -- two hands holding a heart with a crown -- originated in Italy and eventually became tradition among Irish brides. The first mention of the wedding ring as an option in a marriage ceremony, occurs in the 1872 manual of the Methodist Church, known as Discipline: "If the parties desire it, the man shall here hand a ring to the minister, who shall return it to him and direct him to place it on the third finger of the woman’s left hand. And the man shall say to the woman, repeating after the minister, ‘With this ring I thee wed, and with my worldly goods I thee endow, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.’"

In early Judaism to present

In a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, Jewish wedding rings play a very important role. In Jewish law, a verbal declaration is not enough to be married. According to Jewish law, a formal, physical consecration must be made. Usually this is done with the giving of a Jewish wedding ring, however in ancient times, it was merely something of value–with the minimum value of what is now a penny. The ring must be of solid uninterrupted gold with no holes breaking the circle. The continuity of the rings represents the hope for an everlasting marriage.

In most ceremonies, the bridegroom repeats a Hebrew vow after the Rabbi, with the giving of the ring. The bridegroom would declare, “Behold, thou art consecrated to me with this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel.”

1900s to Present

Margaret Brinig, a researcher at George Mason University, traces the demand for diamonds used in wedding rings for the wealthy back to 1840, but it wasn't until after the Great Depression that they became a popular American tradition.

Men didn’t start wearing Wedding Bands until much later – around the time of the Second World War. Being separated from their wives for long periods of time, Soldiers wore Wedding Bands as a symbolic reminder of their loved one back home.

In this picture at the top of the post, Sarah also wears a gold wedding band, typical of early Hebrew wedding rings. The wedding band is known to have been used in ancient Egypt and was worn on the fourth finger of the left hand, just as it is today. painting: Is anything too hard for the LORD? by Elspeth Young

In Hebrew, this phrase is Hare at mekudeshet li betaba’ at zo k’dat Moshe v’ Yisrael. the Talmud “Behold, thou art consecrated to me with this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel.”

Let God do His part.

So for one reason or another, you find yourself married to an unbeliever, and the loneliness can be like a damp cloak around your shoulders.

You long to share your faith with him, but he sometimes rebels and gets annoyed or angry, and this compounds the feeling of spiritual disconnection.

I have lived with an unbeliever after coming to the LORD after marriage. I know the longings for spiritual connection and the loneliness felt in an unequally yoked marriage.

Divorce is not an option, so what is the Christian wife to do until or even if, her husband comes to Christ?

I would like to encourage unequally yoked wives to keep believing and keep praying and to treat their as yet unsaved husbands with the same deference they would if he was saved. In that regard, the LORD sees no difference in his treatment.

He is still responsible under God... even if of course, he doesn't believe in Him. He needs your prayers, not your lectures, sermons, tantrums or tears. In fact, if we do those things, we may very well alienate him from coming to the LORD totally.

It is hard work and a difficult path when one is unequally yoked, and it is normal that the saved wife will long for her husband to be saved. But the hardest thing of all is to not take on the role of the Holy Spirit and try to convict and woo your husband to Christ. That is His job, not ours.

After many years of seeming fruitless prayers, you may be tempted to become short and irritated with your husband. But loving them to Him is critical to them coming to Jesus. Just love him as if he is already a Christian. That's your part in winning him to Christ. Let God do His part.

For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife? 1 Corinthians 7:16

Peaceful home making

Can you imagine living in a world where it is still acceptable to stay home with your children, serve your husband, and dare I say it - keep your home? Where marriage, home and motherhood are held in high esteem and the women caring for their families are blessed by and for their efforts? Picture the scene of past eras wherein a young woman usually left the workforce after marriage to serve her husband and keep her home and await the arrival of her children. She was not looked down on at all, rather the role of wife/mother/homemaker was elevated into something to aspire to. For it is an honourable calling.

We all know that the disdain we stay at home wives and mothers feel today from the world (and even some churches) is contrary to the scriptural role, and we know that it wasn't always so. And as more and more women are pressured into having less children and putting their babies into day centres, a lot of women are feeling cheated and discontented. If the truth was told, I truly believe that most of the women in the workforce today would prefer to be at home having more babies and loving their life! Why isn't it like this today?

Firstly, I believe a lot of women have bought the lie of feminism. We have been buffeted about and overloaded with so much of their rhetoric that we have slowly come to accept a great deal of what they say. Bowing under the pressure of the world, we have become discontented with our God-given role as wife/mother and keeper of our home.

Secondly, I believe women have generally been so highly educated that they are afraid that they will waste it by staying home. I think nothing could be further from the truth. All education is profitable for a woman- especially if she plans to home school her children. This is slowly gaining popularity in Australia, though nowhere near as much as in the States. But the point I am making is that as mothers, we are teachers. Our knowledge will only serve to benefit our family. And make us more interesting to our husbands.

Thirdly, I think in general we have set our sights on worldly things- the biggest home, cars, furnishings, designer clothing and expensive holidays etc. We have been sucked into the worship of the ravenous god of materialism and commercialism. Homemade is no longer good enough, home cooked is often a rarity, home keeping is a rushed chore and a burden- yet even so, home still is the sweetest place to be and always beckons us back. Are working mothers really getting value for their money? No! By the time we add up the work clothes, gas and fares for getting to and from work, the bought lunches, the more expensive packaged foods for faster meals, and last but in no way, least- the childcare centre, we have very little money available for spending. Are we starting to feel a little bit disillusioned? I would guess: yes a tad!

Now I am not naive: I know about mortgages, or renting, I know how hard it is to keep food on the table and clothes on the family's back- but what I know too is that a lot of extraneous spending could be curtailed and it would be far more profitable to stay at home. I know this, because as have previously shared- I did it for a while. It is more profitable not to work outside the home. And infinitely more satisfying for the whole family.

Frugality, budgeting, and cutting one's cloth according to income are not dirty words: they are words of life- family life. With a bit of planning and foresight, I believe a lot of women would be able to stay home and not suffer for it. The tools are planning, budgeting, frugality, wisdom and desire. I believe it is possible still today to manage on one man's wage- if we learn to be content with what we have or to downsize to make staying home with the children feasible. It is a heart issue.

So back to imagination: can you imagine rising and getting your husband off to work, having made him a leisurely breakfast and a cut lunch, guiding your children through bathing, dressing and breakfast in a calm manner, filling them with the best of breakfasts, then homeschooling or sending them to school with a nutritious packed lunch? No frantic last-minute hunt for lost notebooks or library books-or hearing your child read whilst you are hurriedly applying your makeup for work? Or worse still, from the other side of the bathroom door? No, you have had plenty of time last night to do these things and to be organised for the early morning rush. You are looking well to the ways of your own household.

As soon as the children are at school or setting about their lessons at home, you start to work your way through your chores, making beds and doing laundry whilst the crockpot bubbles away with some soup for lunch and the meat defrosts for the evening meal. You know exactly what you are having: you made your menu and shopping list and you are in control! Doesn't it feel good? Tonight when your husband gets home from work, you will be there to greet him with the children working steadily at their homework and the table set and dinner's delicious aroma wafting through the house to welcome him home. And if Dad works late shift, the children will at least get to see him at breakfast instead of being dragged out of their bed at some early hour to go to daycare.

Imagine if this was a reality in your life- would you want it? Thousands of women are turning their back on materialism, small families and feministic ideals and are turning back to God's Word for their lives and families. They are coping and they are gaining strength as a force that is pro-life, pro-family and pro-marriage. Their children are reaping the benefits of having a full-time mother who fills their world with soundness in a world she knows is anything but.

What is the future for the stay-at home mother? I believe job satisfaction: the knowledge that because she has applied herself to live her life according to godly principles and used wisdom, frugality and ingenuity in order to do it. Her marriage is stronger, her children happier and her home easier to manage. She knows that she is really free at last to be all God created her to be- a loving wife, mother and keeper of her home. And she rejoices at the days to come. Her husband is well looked after and well loved, as are her children. She doesn't worry what the world thinks about her life choices- she is following God's plan for her life. And her life is good- for all God's ways are good.

Imagine if all married women vetoed the work force, applied themselves to living frugally and returned home as stay at home wives and mothers…I imagine a lot of people would return to peaceful home making.

"I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." 1 Timothy 5:14

Engagement is the new wedding

Over the years I have noticed a growing trend in both Christian and non-Christian people to prolong their engagement over many years, and often not even to end up marrying. Often there is an engagement party and the couple are asked if they have set a date for their wedding. Usually there is no real indication of when they plan to marry, just a vague wave of the hand and a casual "when we get around to it" attitude.

In biblical times a Jewish betrothal was generally about 12 months. However, the betrothal was as if the couple were married and in fact to break the betrothal would require a divorce. Sexual relations did not take place. Indeed if a betrothed person was found to have had intercourse with someone not their betrothed, they could be stoned for adultery.

A marriage contract was called a Ketubah During this time, the groom would prepare a place for his betrothed wife. There was never any doubt that a marriage would be consummated, but the exact date was usually known only to the groom. The bride stayed with her parents and waited for her groom.

Today, there are no real expectations or enforcements of engagements. They can be broken with a minimum of outward fuss- most fuss being internalised and emotional. Other times, the young couple will just cohabit as if married and there is no wedding ring- ever. But an engagement is not a marriage.

For young Christians who become engaged, the temptation to become sexually involved is strong, and for this reason I believe an engagement shouldn't be prolonged. And just like marriage, an engagement shouldn't be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. Christians are different from the unsaved in that when one gives a promise or their word, we should carry it through.

For those considering marriage, make sure that you are fully intending to marry and that your engagement isn't too long. Impurity and cohabitation are not in God's plan for our life: He wants us to marry and bear precious seed for Him.

Becoming engaged is a promise to marry, not a promise to be exclusively available for a "permanent" relationship, nor is it to be seen as a licence for cohabitation. Betrothal from the earliest times has been seen to precede a marriage.

Everlasting engagements are the gateway to failure in being godly wives and mothers. They can lead to us being left with just our engagement ring and memories, and perhaps, with a baby or two in tow. Engagement is the new wedding.

And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies. Hosea 2:19