Morning Cuppas With Glenys : marriage

Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Even if not our neighbours.

So today Chris and I were listening to some worship music. We had such a feeling of peace after what could be described as a very stressful week.

We talked about how God has been so good and faithful to us and reminisced on how over the years, He has blessed us.

We spoke about keeping on in faith and overcoming illness and the imminence of the Blessed Hope or Rapture.

We talked of how we were meant to be together and how God was our Matchmaker.

Sharing stories of how our faith had taken shape when we were children, with Chris aware that Christ was in Christopher, his name. He later learned that it meant Bearer of Christ.

I shared how being called Glenys and finding out it meant holy, clean and good also shaped my faith.

The presence of the Holy Spirit was very strong, and we gave into it with singing loudly and passionately, with tears...

When the music stopped, we both realised how loud we were and how awful we must have sounded.

We had a laugh, but then I shared with Chris how as a child, I had asked the LORD to make me a singer to worship Him. I prayed that prayer for many years.... my voice was at most, pleasant, not great.

Finally, when I was an adult, praying that prayer again, I felt the LORD tell me that us just making a joyful noise to Him was enough. Our praise pleased and delighted Him just the same.

Telling this to Chris made us laugh because we thought our praise must have really, really delighted Him, even if not our neighbours...

"Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth: Make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise" -Psalm 98:4

Serve God wherever He calls you.

Serve where you're called

It is well with my soul.

The only reason I've made it this far is God.

His grace carried me.

His plan sustains me.

His promise still stands.

Lately I have been feeling every day of 73. With new health issues unfolding and chronic pain and fatigue, I feel like my body is slowly closing down.

With my family history of dying around or before 75, I can well imagine that I will not really make it to old bones.

As I told my doctor last week, it is well with my soul. I am just unhappy that the carrier is breaking down so rapidly.

I am not depressed. Ageing and pain and death are a part of life and I am not afraid of dying. I am more afraid of the manner in which I will die than the actual act of dying...

The reason I am not afraid of death is that God is in control of the number of days allotted to me and the manner in which I will go to Him.

Over the last 73 years, since early childhood, I have been aware that He loves me and carries me.

His grace has been my stay and song during a life of pain of every sort, from a wretched childhood to a hellishly violent first marriage of 25 years. Culminating in my body falling apart after I met and married Chris. My rock and soulmate for the last 30 years.

Some days I am not well enough to sit and talk with you, due to pain and brain fog from fibromyalgia and pain killers. But I want to tell you that the joy of the LORD is my strength.

He keeps me from the Pit of Despair and I find there's always something to be grateful for. And I am.

I have learned to give myself grace as I navigate and walk the path of the chronically ill.

God's plan for my life as a Christian, wife and now great-grandmother still brings me purpose and joy.

Having faced death a few times already, I am at peace in the knowledge that God's promise to carry me even to the time of grey hairs is as real now as it was when I first became born again 46 years ago.

Even to your old age, I am He, And even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; Even I will carry, and will deliver you. Isaiah 46:4

If I go in the Rapture or rise to meet Christ from my grave, it is of no consequence to me. I know to Whom I am going. My body will be resurrected and my soul with Jesus.

As I said to my doctor, "It is well with my soul!"

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.. 2 Corinthians 4:16

Soul mates for life

Most of us married people want to be happy in our marriage. We want it to last forever and we want our husband to be happy. A big part of a man's happiness involves how loved, respected and appreciated he feels. So how do we make him feel that?

With Chris, he appreciates me listening to him and giving him my full attention. So when he talks to me about things that I have no interest in like cars and motorbikes and so on, I make myself listen and interact with him. This is a real test of my patience for me because we are together 24/7 every day of the year.

He doesn't help me much in the home because of his own health issues, so when he does, I thank him sincerely. Usually I give him a kiss as well because his love language is touch. Fortunately mine is as well.

I think honest appreciation and praise help build a man's esteem and I often tell Chris what I love about him and we celebrate little anniversaries of events like when we got engaged, our first kiss and so on. It keeps our love alive.

Although once I said that Chris is a good man but a horrible patient, I don't bag him to others- especially family. I think that is something that a lot of married people do and it makes a man feel anything but appreciated and respected.

Like most people if they are honest, we have had an occasional fight, but generally I would say that we both feel respected, appreciated and loved.

On the private side of marriage, I feel it's important to be affectionate and responsive to your husband and never belittle him if he truly isn't a Don Juon.

In regards to parenting, I believe a man can be shot down in flames in front of his children if we are not united in front of them. Respect and appreciation is necessary so as not to usurp his authority as a father and leader of the home.

A man's provision for his family should never be called into question. He is usually spinning his wheel as fast as he can at work and we should never belittle him or grumble about how much other men are earning more than him.

One should never emasculate one's husband by suggesting he "get a real job" when he is toiling at a job that some consider beneath them.

We must show our appreciation and respect of him as bread winner by supporting him in whatever line of work he's in. Respect and appreciation make a man feel loved.

It is within a wife's power to keep a man happy and feeling respected and appreciated. Any man can be married, but not happy. Make sure your husband a happily married man so that you will be soul mates for life.

For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 1 Peter 3:5-6

A three-fold cord

In marriage, life can have its ups and downs. There will be challenging times, disagreements, disappointments and illnesses to deal with. Such are the viscitudes of life..

But before we make our marriage vows to love each other faithfully in good times and bad, in sickness and health till death do us part- we should be sure that this enduring love and responsibility is one we are ready to pursue. forever.

It is sad that some couples when faced with adversity crumble under the strain and will or cannot face it together united as a couple.

Being there for each other is a given in marriage. It is the prerequisite in a solid relationship that we regard our marriage as inviolable as a place of trust, care, faithfulness and of course love.

There may be times when we feel that we do not love our spouse or care enough and this can be a time of severe testing and temptation.

Not only temptation to leave the relationship, but to replace our spouse with someone more accommodating.

During a dry spell in a marriage, I think it is imperative that one seeks out the LORD for comfort and understanding. We know He loves us and wants the best for us.

Often our emotions can make us say or do things that we regret and it is better to pray about it rather than say something that can never be taken back.

So many Christian couples are giving up on their marriage and unless there is severe abuse, I believe it is better we try to work out our problems in our own home. I don't believe in trial separations.

As a woman who has been married twice in marriages of 25 and 26 years, I know life can break us and make us feel like we are unable to love or are unloved. But I also know that what seems like the end of loving feelings can change with time.

Ask God's help to keep keeping on, and for love to prevail, and until then, guard your marriage from outside interference and guard your spouses' back.

You really have to handle marital problems like any other- with prayer. I know when couples include the LORD in their marriage that He is our great Helper. With Him you and your spouse, a three-fold cord is not easily broken.

And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12

A Spotless Bride

Recently I read about the high incidence of pastors being in involved in pornography. Pornography is sin. It is sex.

As Christians we are called to be apart from the world, not in it. We are called to be holy. We are called to bring our thoughts under the captivity of Christ.

Pastors have a greater accountability to Christ as handlers of the Word. They should not be involved in the works of darkness themselves and should be denouncing it from the pulpit.

Why is pornography wrong? you ask.

Pornography invalidates the one flesh relationship of the covenant of marriage.
It denigrates married love to animal baseness and allows women to be used as sex objects instead of loved tenderly.
Women who engage in pornography also tend to treat men with little respect.
It encourages selfish love making and greater expectation of the act
It can make a woman feel dirty and effects her relationship with her husband if he watches it
It creates a lustful mindset that overflows into the heart and becomes sinful actions.
It encourages a roving eye and Jesus says that is adultery in the heart therefore sin.

Satan has hoodwinked society into believing that pornography is fine, but the results are catastrophic. Everything that God has said is good, Satan has substituted with evil.

Darkness is deepening. Christ is soon to return. Keep oil in your lamps. Keep your garments clean. Present yourself as a spotless Bride. Jesus Christ deserves a pure Bride-and She deserves pure minded pastors that should be leading them in holiness, having holy and clean hands as they touch the Word of God and they must be above reproach! A spotless Bride!

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God -Romans 12:2

A marriage follows a wedding

A wedding comes with a lot of preparation and planning. As the day draws near, it is very busy and sometimes even frantic.

For us women, our own wedding brings to fruition years and years of imagination and dreaming. As we all know, this starts from our earliest years.

It is often joked about, but unfortunately it is true that usually the groom takes a back seat and is consulted on just minor matters. After which he basically just has to turn up on the day. This can lead to a problem. Often a groom can get the impression that all that is important is the wedding and that he comes second in all the busyness of wedding plans.

Ladies, it is imperative that we nurture our relationship and ensure that our fiance is not feeling left out or unloved. Women are prone to doing this as we get engrossed in the newest chapter of our life and we often see this when a new baby comes into the home.

We must plan for a wedding but we also must keep it in perspective and realise that after a wedding, a marriage follows. A wedding lasts for a day, a marriage lasts a life time.

The tending of our relationship in regards not putting our fiance last, should start before the wedding day and should continue after the wedding with a marriage until death do you part.

A wedding is just the beginning of a life together. So we would do well to remember that our marriage will take effort for it to endure and to be a happy union.

Being a beautiful bride is the easy part: most women look radiant on their wedding day. But that's only the start of a marriage.

Let's remember to concentrate on being a beautiful wife and mother- a job that is both as challenging as it is satisfying - but a job that is far more important in eternal values than having a long veil and white dress.

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband." Ephesians 5:33

Let it go

As you know, I suffer from PTSD from a traumatic abusive childhood and my first marriage full of violence. It is not easy to get over, but it is possible.

I used to agonise over why it was so and why me and it would literally sap me of any joy in life now.

25 years of marriage with my present husband has shown me that life can be wonderful and that I am loveable.

It was only through realising that it didn't matter "why and why me?" were destroying the present joy that I decided to leave it in the past. I let it go..

My peace is palpable and my joy is deep since I let it go. I cried it out and prayed about it and the LORD filled me with peace.

Let it go.. give it to God and then get up, and move forward. Your mental state effects your physical, and spiritual.

Letting the past go will see you enjoy a much better and victorious life.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

We are so grateful!

We are so happy to be celebrating our silver anniversary today.

It's been the best 25 years of our life and we are very grateful that the LORD arranged our chance meeting with a very happy ending..

Above reproach

Recently I read about the high incidence of pastors being in involved in pornography. Pornography is sin. It is sex.

As Christians we are called to be apart from the world, not in it. We are called to be holy. We are called to bring our thoughts under the captivity of Christ.

Pastors have a greater accountability to Christ as handlers of the Word. They should not be involved in the works of darkness themselves and should be denouncing it from the pulpit.

Why is pornography wrong? you ask.

Pornography invalidates the one flesh relationship of the covenant of marriage.
It denigrates married love to animal baseness and allows women to be used as sex objects instead of loved tenderly.
Women who engage in pornography also tend to treat men with little respect.
It encourages selfish love making and greater expectation of the act
It can make a woman feel dirty and effects her relationship with her husband if he watches it
It creates a lustful mindset that overflows into the heart and becomes sinful actions.
It encourages a roving eye and Jesus says that is adultery in the heart therefore sin.

Satan has hoodwinked society into believing that pornography is fine, but the results are catastrophic. Everything that God has said is good, Satan has substituted with evil.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God -Romans 12:2

Is your husband a happily married man?

Like most people if they are honest, we have had an occasional fight, but generally I would say that we both feel respected, appreciated and loved.

On the private side of marriage, I feel it's important to be affectionate and responsive to your husband and never belittle him if he truly isn't a Don Juon.

One should never emasculate one's husband by suggesting he "get a real job" when he is toiling at a job that some consider beneath them.

We must show our appreciation and respect of him as bread winner by supporting him in whatever line of work he's in. Respect and appreciation make a man feel loved.

It is within a wife's power to keep a man happy and feeling respected and appreciated. Any man can be married, but not happy. Is your husband a happily married man?

New meaning for the hope chest

I remember when I was a newly engaged girl, my mother and father provided a hope chest for me. We weren't very well off, but they acquired an old writing bureau which they kept in their bedroom for me as my own room was too small. This hope chest was filled gradually with all the usual things to ensure a well stocked home with crocks and linens.

But I found this was not its primary purpose for me. It became my focus and purpose in life- reminding me of the task ahead of becoming mistress of my own home. Each time I added something to it, it filled my soul with longing for the day of marriage and hope for the future.

As I worked and saved for my wedding and new home, it became my anchor. Every kitchen article was added with dreams of me cooking delicious meals for my beloved. Each towel I folded filled me with visions of them flapping on the line and I would plan how to wash them properly and keep them soft and fluffy. Fluffy enough to wrap up my new baby after its bath.

For every sheet and blanket focused me on the physical side of marriage filling my heart with the promise of children conceived in love. As I added to my picnic ware, my mind would race imagining flying kites, feeding the ducks by the pond and country drives with my husband and children ..life held great promise for me in that hope chest...and although mine was not a true hope chest- it was still full of hope.

Not many brides keep hope chests these days, but they are making a comeback. With young adult children leaving their parents' home much later, they are now buying a hope chest and filling it up for when they finally set up their own homes, with or without a partner.

With a lot of young adults buying a home without getting married, the hope chest of years ago has taken on a new meaning. Once the domain of the bride, the hope chest is now the hope of the single man or woman eventually being a home owner.

To me, it's not nearly as romantic as the hope in my hope chest and now represents the loneliness of the youngster lamenting not having a soulmate and also being unable to afford a home of his or own for years.

Still, I suppose it's something to strive for even though it brings new meaning to the hope chest.

So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. Psalm 90:12

Tending to our spirit

When reading the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:40, many people think that Jesus was rebuking Martha in a negative way. But I don't believe this is so. He in fact, was liberating her from her perfectionism and showing her that there is more to life than just the mundane.

You may recall that Martha was busy serving and preparing the evening meal, whereas Mary was simply enjoying listening to Jesus. Martha was doing an important job, as do we wives and mothers when we manage our households and serve our families.

We all know that preparing three meals a day, washing and ironing, cleaning and tidying the house, as well as caring for those of our household- and even extended households sometimes, is mundane. But no one would suggest it wasn't important. So Jesus wasn't undermining its' importance, but He was saying that putting the things of the LORD first is a better way.....

Have you ever thought about how we can so easily get too involved with the practical aspects and lose out on the social and spiritual side? I often plan to make time for Bible reading, or playing with my grandchildren or spending time with Chris, only to find that I have found something else to do. I need to prioritise my life.

So, we must look at the Titus 2 order of priorities- love God, love your husband, love your children, then be a worker at home! This layout of priorities also emphasises the importance that our husbands be our first priority after God! That means my children are second to the needs of my husband. To clarify- that does not mean if a child is crying or needs something that we don't attend to them. It means we defer to our husband and put his wishes before our children's. Children do not run the household- you do!

Often times we get so busy serving our husbands and children that we overlook enjoying them! Take time to enjoy the other important things in life, your children: they will grow up fast, and this season will be short! Leave the household chores that aren’t urgent to the children's nap times, and spend time enjoying them while they are awake! Make time for your husband. He will be happier for it, you will feel more fulfilled and your children will have a happier home life because you have a good marriage!

And remember to spend time with God, for He is our firm foundation. God wants us to enjoy our life. Let us then be balanced and live under His Umbrella of Protection. For in Gods' Divine Order, we will find the balance we need for the other important things.We need to tend to the mundane things like housework, but we see that Jesus says it's important to tend to our spirit too.

But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. Luke 10:40

It's not a contest

Sometimes I feel guilty for letting off steam at times but I really believe I could have a bit more support than what I am getting.

We sometimes have words during my fibromyalgia flares and when I have polymyalgia rheumatica at the same time, it can make me scream in desperation. I just want a hand. It helps me emotionally as well as physically and I feel nurtured.

I know my husband is unwell and he has my understanding and utmost sympathy. But sometimes, the pain gets so bad and I have so little spoons that I will yell at him to come and make his own cup of tea or whatever.

After words, I often cry because I aren't usually like that. Pain changes people. Especially unrelenting pain. And unrestorative sleep. Especially that.

Yet, to those who don't know the desperation that pain drives you to, they would just think I was being unreasonable and using my fibro to elicit a response from Chris.

It's not that at all. Our health issues mean that there are times when we have to help one another. And lately when Chris is not well, I find I am left to push myself beyond my own comfort level while he sleeps on the couch.

His pain is not at the same high level mine is. His health issues relate to other issues regarding heart problems. But his issues are difficult for him to bear. I know that.

Chronic illness in both people in a marriage presents its own problems. Each one having pain that makes the eyeballs bulge, causes arguments of who'se pain or condition is worse than the other's. A form of validation if you will.

But here's the scoop about chronic illness. It's not a contest. Just another thing about chronic illness that most don't understand.

The only nice thing about it

So we went to the doctor yesterday to get our results from blood tests taken a few days ago. My blood pressure was 140/90 which was slightly better than last time, but still high.

He asked was anything bothering me and I had to tell him I am worried about Chris. Both of us have heart failure, high blood pressure, diabetes and cellulitis plus I have fibromyalgia.

We both have pitting oedema on our feet and legs and the fatigue that comes from obesity and feeling sick. Dressing and showering is shared in that we help each other and because of exhaustion from showering, we shower every second day, taking opposite days. That way, we can help each other.

Our love language is touch in the form of massaging each other's feet and legs and our speech revolves around spoons and how much sugar is in everything that passes our lips.

We rarely leave home any more except for the doctor or chemist and our rubbish bins go out more than us. The highlight of our day is to discover we don't have any appointments or need a blood test. We are extremely relieved to know we can just stay home and have a PJ day.

It is unusual to call on us and not find at least one of us having a nana nap, particularly if we haven't slept well the night before.

When massaging Chris's feet or watching him sleep upright so that he doesn't feel like he's drowning in his fluid, I become anxious about how ill he looks and I fret that I will lose him.

I can't bear to think of that and when I do, I have to give it to the LORD in prayer and trust that He will grant us more time together.

All this angst does nothing to alleviate my fibromyalgia pain or help me get over a flare and I find myself taking mild pain relief every 6 hours. As the doctor advised.

Our home is able to be company ready in half an hour as it is basically tidy all the time. True, there may be slippers in the lounge or a cup on the table, but this can easily be fixed. I just close our bedroom doors to hide the permanently clean but unmade beds.

We love our home as we feel it nurtures us and even though we only may be gone a few hours when we have to go out, we find we are really looking forward to coming home again.

When we were engaged, we agreed that it would be nice to grow old together and we have. Twenty-five years later, it isn't so nice. But thank goodness we have each other and that's the only nice thing about it.

Probably for the children.

We lived in a low income housing estate owned by the Housing Department. The Navy bought a lot of these homes to house the Naval families and it was there that I met Jezebel.

She was a young wife, quite pretty and she knew it! Most of her day was spent outside sunbathing or shopping. She had two young children who she treated with indifference. They were often playing with my children when we visited my mother who lived next door to her.

We sometimes had to call on her to bring our children back to Mum's and her house was immaculate. As far as these concrete houses went, hers was well furnished with expensive drapes, couches and lamps- and something unheard of in the day- with wall to wall carpet. She was not one to have a conversation with, unless it was about herself or her children, who she considered pests. Or occasionally she would talk of her absent husband, who we were told was a complete boring pig!

That was an enigma to us as he obviously was supporting her and the children very well. In fact, whenever he was on shore leave, we would find him at the clothesline pegging out loads of washing and sheets. Jezebel didn't believe in working when her husband was home. She was a true feminist.

One day, I called on her to pick up my children and she confided in me that she was pregnant to her pig of a husband! (Her words) She had just come home from the doctor and she told me she had informed him that she would notify him if she decided not to go through with the pregnancy. Not after a discussion with her husband. Maybe he wouldn't even be informed, I thought.

I know she had the child, her third son, because I bought her pram for my coming baby. She was wondering how she was going to offload it, she said. It certainly wouldn't be needed again. The Pig had had a vasectomy!

To this day, I don't know what became of this family as Jezebel's husband was deployed elsewhere, and she went with him. But I do wonder if they are still married and if so, how happy are they. Was The Pig ever valued as a good husband and father, or did he only have Jezebel's scowling and barked orders to look forward to whenever he got home?

Reflecting on this feminist's treatment of a good man, I felt sorry for her husband and children. I can only hope that Jezebel, so nick named for her horrid feminist ways, has found the LORD and that her children have grown up with some self-confidence and feelings of having been loved. For I am sure that as hungry as The Pig was for love and respect, he would have made sure the children would have been loved.

I do pray for them all, and for "The Captain", not "The Pig". I salute you, Sir for staying with your Jezebel. Probably for the children.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:22:33

The downside of country life

So the other night I was going into my bathroom when I noticed this huntsman on the frame near the door. My heart nearly stopped!

Walking into the bathroom, I must have passed close to this horrid spider who could easily have jumped on my head and such is my fear of spiders, it possibly would have killed me in a cardiac event brought on by fear!

Not an overly big spider by huntsman standards, he would have been about 3 inches across. But he was big enough to induce panic in us as we scurried to find a broom and the fly spray!

I didn't want to lose this guy as we wouldn't know where we would find him, so there was a great over use of flyspray and frantic loud bangs of the broom. Suffice it to say, he got a burial at sea!

It is said that they come in pairs, so we were watching everywhere until his mate was found. And she was...

I was in the adjacent laundry and found her sunning herself on the glass panel in the back door. I grabbed my flyspray and went to spray it, but then realised that she was outside the door. She too had to be gone because I didn't want her coming in the house. I'd had enough excitement with her mate's intrusion.

A few sprays of the flyspray had her on the move, and a few heavy thumps of the broom, and she was no longer. Except for food for the birds and ants.

Indeed, I had to chuckle at how fast I moved, considering my two damaged knees and fibromyalgia. It's marvellous what an adrenaline rush can do for a body!

Not only did the fear of losing the huntsman to perchance come back to terrorise me, rattle me, but so did realising that I had married a man who refused to rescue me from dangerous wildlife! Such was my expectation of my knight in shining armour! :)

Don't get me wrong: I still love living here in the Australian bush with my liver-lilied Chris, but snakes and huntsmen are definitely the downside of country life.

Sometimes you just have to be separate

Night time has proven to be a difficult time for Chris and I. We both have problems sleeping and often we keep each other awake.

Chris has osteoarthritis in his hips and shoulder and finds it hard to drop off to sleep. His legs are restless and jumpy and painful he often suffers from bad calf muscle cramps. It is not unusual for me to find him making himself a cup of tea in the middle of the night because he can't sleep. Plus we both have sleep apnea.

But more often than that, it is I who makes it hard for him. I usually go to bed full of pain and can't really get to sleep unless Chris rubs my back. He is very good like that and I usually get to sleep quickly. However, I grind my teeth in my sleep, stop breathing for about a minute, and snore.

My medications cause GERD which has resulted in me having aspiration pneumonia and left me with asthma. I often wake up unable to breathe, and need to use my inhaler. My blood-thinners Clopidogrel and aspirin (for my stents in my heart to stay open and for antiphospholipid syndrome), cause me to have nosebleeds in my sleep as well. Poor Chris is often disturbed again with this. So we are not good night time company.

Obviously, not all these things happen every night, but a good lot do and we have often considered sleeping in separate rooms. However, I have a problem with that because I love cuddles and sex if it happens, and I love sleeping in Chris's arms until I drop off to sleep. It has been our custom for the 24 years we have been married.

So we have worked out a strategy for staying close, yet sleeping separately. Chris will come to bed with me, and when I am asleep, he will come out to sleep by himself if he can't drop off. We haven't actually got another bedroom set up in our new small house, so Chris sleeps in the recliner rocker.

We are very passionate with each other and very demonstrative and we often sit watching TV holding hands. So there is no problem with closeness. And there is no problem with sleeping separately for the most part.

This situation is not ideal, but when chronic illness threatens to deprive others of their needed rest, something has to be done. We don't see any harm coming into our marriage through separate rooms, in fact, we think under the circumstances, it would enhance it...sometimes you just have to be separate.

"When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. ” Proverbs 3:24

Normally abnormal

We chronically ill women try so hard to do "normal" things. Like look well. Be cheerful. Be patient. Kind. Hospitable. Our family and marriage are our first priority after God. We try so hard to spin our wheel not fast- but at a "normal" pace.

By "normal", we compare ourselves to those who do not suffer from chronic illness and pain. Or are disabled. We are very careful to keep serving our family but sometimes with the illness that afflicts us: we fail. This often gets to us and causes us to sink into depression.

Being unable to process that we simply can't act as "normals", we often berate ourselves and sink into the Pit of Despair. We are often judged by "normal" standards, as we simply cannot attend certain social functions like before. If we do, the pain and effort can make us tense and we can make us appear moody unsociable grumps aka the death head at the feast.

If only "normals" would realise that we are pushing ourselves every day to live a life that not even closely is "normal" like in the days before our health failed. We get so adept at doing this, that we have become quite good at wearing masks to cover the Mask Of Pain. Hence the appearance of being in a mood.

My fibromyalgia and other health issues have now made it impossible for me to disguise, and I have learned to acknowledge this to people and tell them in advance that my attendance or action or whatever is totally subject to how I am on any given day.

Basically, I have had to pander to angina, spinal and knee problems, fibromyalgia, polymyalgia rheumatica, and submit to tyrannical spoons by being totally flexible about my appointments and so on.

People may still misjudge me but that is not my problem. I just pray that the LORD will allow them to see that I am not lazy or unsociable, but am just a chronically ill woman who finds just breathing some days enough effort.

The LORD knows I am not well, but people take a lot more convincing. I am normally abnormal.

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Colossians 3:12