Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts

The Defeated Christian



You’ve all seen him. The defeated Christian. The guy who tries and tries, but after being saved for thirty years, he still hasn’t quit smoking. Instead, he hides his cigarettes before coming to church and won’t get too close when shaking your hand for fear you’ll smell the smoke on him.

Or the Christian who you know is saved, but he just can’t quite give up the bottle. Or the Christian who got saved but doesn’t go to church because he just doesn’t think he fits in with the rest of the crowd? Or won’t go because he thinks that everybody at church is a big hypocrite?

That defeated Christian who knows that even though he is saved, it just didn’t seem to ‘take’ like it seemed to with everybody else, so he’d just as soon not be reminded of it all the time by being around those to whom it did. Especially since, if he were to mention it, somebody would point out it was either because of some unconfessed sin, or maybe he just wasn’t all that sincere when he first accepted Christ.

Why is it that some Christians get saved and immediately become a new creature, while others get saved and look remarkably like the old one?

Don’t tell me you don’t know somebody like that. Maybe you even ARE somebody like that. And it’s hard . . . so hard to keep trying and trying when it seems to come so easy to everybody else. It’s enough to make anybody give up.

I’m going to leave the usual beaten path now to address an issue that comes up fairly regularly in our forums. Those of you who have no besetting sin, no secret sin in your heart that only you and God (and the enemy) know of, go make yourself a nice cup of coffee. The rest isn’t for you.

Now, for the honest readers . . . Why does God deliver some people from booze, cigarettes, pot . . . fill in your besetting sin here _______?

The answer? I don’t know. Disappointed? Don’t be. Sometimes He just doesn’t. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a Christian. It doesn’t mean you aren’t saved. It doesn’t mean God has abandoned you. It only means you feel defeated. You still have that sin.

Now, how come you feel defeated? Is it your weakness? God’s? Haven’t you been to Him with this? How come it’s still an issue in your life? You KNOW God is real, so… what’s WRONG WITH YOU?

Nothing.

Welcome to the Church of the Walking Wounded. That’s why so many people find fellowship on the internet they don’t find in church. No guilt. Nobody can see you sneaking that cigarette or that beer.

You come looking for God and looking for that forgiveness you keep hearing about but never find in church. Instead, you learn that if you smoke (or whatever), you are defiling the temple of the Holy Spirit and you must give that up first to find fellowship. Except you have been trying for years and just can’t quite make it.

You sit there in the pew, thinking about the cigarette you are going to have on the way home, and you feel ashamed, guilty. Why even go back to church? You hypocrite!

You are taught that God forgave you at the Cross, but now you are on your own. All these sins you now know about yourself are left for you to deal with on your own. Only NOW you know what they are.

So every time you sneak that cigarette, you feel guilty. “Fred got saved, and within a week, he cut out smoking, he cut out drinking, and he cut out cursing.”

(You think to yourself, “Sure. And for entertainment, Fred is now cutting out paper dolls in the Happy Home,” – but then there you go – you sinned again!)

Sin is the disease of the human race. No human being is exempt from it. The Apostle Paul, speaking of sin, said, “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief” -1 Timothy 1:15 

The Apostle Paul was, according to God’s Word, chief among sinners. He must have had a difficult time being chief among sinners and chief among the Apostles, but that’s what the Bible says.

It must have bothered him, like it bothers you (those not getting coffee right now), knowing what is right but succumbing to temptation to do the wrong thing. Over and over.

This is a very difficult subject – I am approaching it with much fear and trepidation. There will immediately be those who will jump on me for preaching a license to sin. I am not.

Before you jump on me, read it again first, please. I am quoting the Apostle Paul, not my opinion.

Paul writes, “For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me” -Romans 7:14-15,17

Maybe Paul isn’t speaking to you, but he is playing MY theme song. “For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members” -Romans 7:22,23 

Does this sound to you like a guy who was having an easy time of it? Why didn’t he just do what the pastor tells you? “Just take it to the Lord, and He’ll take care of it.”

Ever do that, and then He didn’t? So you found some good reason why not, or instead just figured you weren’t worthy? Or maybe that He cared more about Fred, the King of the Paper Dolls?

Paul wrote of “a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure” -2 Corinthians 12:7 Now, I’ve heard this verse exegeted many times.

To listen to the theories, Paul must have fallen into a thorn BUSH. I’ve heard Paul had a speech impediment, that it was his failing eyesight, that he was unattractive to look at, even one argument that he had halitosis!

What does the Bible say Paul’s thorn in the flesh was? Everybody looks for something specific to make sense of the verse. They are looking for some physical flaw that Paul thought would hamper his effectiveness for God. In so doing, they miss the forest for the trees.

The Apostle Paul, the ‘chief among sinners, specifically said that his thorn was a messenger from Satan sent to ‘buffet’ him. Paul’s thorn was his SIN, which kept him from being ‘exalted above all measure.’ “For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me”-2 Corinthians 12:8  

Stay with me here and see the picture. Here’s poor Paul, knowing the task the Lord has set before him, knowing that he is ‘chief among sinners,’ and knowing his weakness for whatever that sin might have been.

So he takes it to Jesus (just like you did), sincerely expecting Him to handle it for him, just like the pastor told you He would for you.

“And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness” (v.9).

The Bible says that we are sold unto sin. That it is our natural state. That the most unnatural thing a man could do is NOT sin. You are saved, you believe, yet you wrestle with your besetting sins.

Every time you whip one down, a new one crops up that you have to deal with. It’s a never-ending battle, and you are losing. How can this be?

How can you be sincere, be sincerely saved, and still battle with sins that don’t seem to bother other Christians?

There is only one logical answer. It is so simple you are going to immediately say, “I knew that.” But you probably really didn’t.

Jesus did it all. Really. ALL. The most simple of principles, yet most preaching is based on the deception that He didn’t. Instead, most are taught in principle that Jesus got the ball rolling at the Cross, but now that you are saved, whether or not you fail or succeed in beating back your sin nature is up to you. Therefore, when constantly confronted with your sin and how bad it is, it is much easier to give up and not go face the weekly confrontation. You believe you are defeated.

Rather than being free, you are in bondage to your guilt. How many people do you know who went to the altar call on Sunday who weren’t guilt-ridden by Wednesday?

Salvation is either a gift of grace through faith or it is a product of faith plus good works.

Moses had faith and good works. So did Abraham. So did David. But without the Savior, they would be dead in their sins.

The bondage of sin to a Christian is the weight of the guilt of that sin that keeps him from seeking God’s face. Jesus set us free from the bondage of sin. Is this a license to sin? As Paul said, “God forbid.”

“All things,” Paul said, “are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not” -1 Corinthians 10:23  Interesting word, ‘expedient.’ It means “Appropriate to a purpose.”

The reality is, we are humans. Even after we become new creatures in Christ, we cohabit the castle of flesh with the old man.

You will have your battles, but your defeat only comes when you give up. Following Paul’s lamentations about his struggle with the flesh and the duality of man, Paul writes, beginning with Romans 8:1  “There is therefore now NO CONDEMNATION to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”

This verse also tends to get spiritualized out of context. I’ve heard it argued that if you sin, then you are walking after the flesh rather than after the Spirit.

I put it to you: Did you ever, since you were saved, commit a sin and not care, not feel any responsibility before God? Well, then, who are you walking after? The irresponsible flesh? Or the living Spirit?

It isn’t sin that defeats the Christian. It isn’t that you still haven’t quit smoking, or whatever else it might be that you think is defeating you. Sin is what humans do. Forgive is what God does.

It is GUILT that keeps you defeated and keeps you from the Throne. It keeps you from telling people about Jesus. It keeps you beaten down. It is incumbent upon a Christian to try and live a more Christ-like life, but the dichotomy is that the Bible says it is impossible.

Even those of you now scandalized and convinced I am preaching libertine Christianity KNOW that you still have a sin problem. Whether it’s a big sin, a little sin, a habitual sin, or an occasional sin, it’s still sin. Even as we sin (and Scripture says we ALL do), we hate it, as Paul did. But we sin. As Paul did. Read Romans 7 again.

If we COULD live a sin-free life, then why was a Savior necessary? And what was Paul rambling on about when he talked about the ‘good that he would’ and so forth?

If there were a formula that involved accepting Christ and THEN living a sinless life, then why did He need to go to the Cross at all?

Why not just make the revised Ten Commandments read, ‘Accept Christ and don’t sin’ and THEN you can go to heaven? The answer is obvious. Nobody would be there.

We are living in the last days. There is no time to bandage the walking wounded; the battle has been joined. Every soldier is desperately needed on the line.

A soldier on the line does his best, and that is all anyone can ask. Especially the One Who really KNOWS that you are doing the best you can.

And He not only understands; He made you for a specific purpose, which is why all things were lawful to Paul, but not all things were expedient.

What may appear as defeat to you from your vantage point in the action may actually be a tactical victory somewhere else up the line. Only our General knows, and He says, ‘Trust Me.’

Take heart! Don’t let the fact you are a sinner steal your victory. The only prerequisite for being a Christian is that you must be a sinner first. God has a plan for your life, and He has somebody for you to talk to.

That appointment is so important to God that He has arranged your whole life until now — just so you would be available to keep it when that appointment comes due.

Will you be there to keep it? Or will you be licking your wounds in defeat off in a corner somewhere? We’re running out of time, and the enemy’s sole focus for your life is to keep you defeated and ineffective as the hours tick down to the Final Confrontation.

“And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me” -2  Corinthians 12:9

The rest of you can come back from the kitchen now.  The Defeated Christian by Jack Kinsella

Teardrop babies

 


WARNING- POSSIBLE TRIGGER FOR THOSE WHO HAVE LOST A BABY: 

Many years ago, my mother went to the hospital bleeding heavily during her 13th week of pregnancy. It was unclear on her admission if she had in fact lost the baby she had planned. She was laying in the cubicle awaiting results of the examination of her lost tissue to see if she had miscarried or not. It was in the days before ultrasound.

Eventually a nurse came in, winked conspiratorially at Mum and announced that it looked like she had miscarried. Her demeanour was like she was the bearer of good news and that Mum should be grateful that she was no longer pregnant. Mum just turned her face to the wall and cried.

As a young woman, I too had a loss of a much wanted pregnancy. At the time I conceived, I had to have an emergency surgery. I was so ill for so long after the anaesthetic that it dawned on me that it could be morning sickness. It was.

I prayed that I would not lose the baby but it was not to be. A few weeks after my morning sickness disappeared- and I was always morning sick the entire 9 months with my other babies- I started bleeding.

Eventually I lost my baby and Mum had advised me to keep any tissue I lost to show the doctor. I fetched out my lost tissue and found a little embryo, all curled up and just forming its eyes. I was devastated. 

I showed the little one to my then husband, who sniffed and said what a  silly looking little thing it was! Something inside me died and I went outside and wept for the baby who would join its stillborn twin sisters, Sarah and Ruth in God's nursery. I named it Leslie because that name would do for either gender.

Wiping my eyes, I thought about how precious these lives were and how sad most women feel when they never see the light. By far there are more women who grieve over the loss of a baby than who feel relieved or rejoice. I decided that I would call lost babies Teardrop Babies. For many would shed a tear over their loss.

No Teardrop Baby is lost to God and is known to Him and that brings me some comfort. All mothers of those babes will see them again if they know the Giver of Life. I believe that goes for aborted children as well. Many a woman who aborted a baby will suffer great anguish over that choice and if she repents, God will forgive her and show her His great mercy and grace.

No matter what people tell us about our lost Teardrop Baby being just a bunch of cells or tissue, we know that they were our potential son or daughter and we will grieve for them with many tears. Another reason I call lost babes Teardrop Babies.



© Glenys Robyn Hicks



Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. Psalm 139:16

Jesus died for you- live for Him




I think for most atheists or even those seeking God, they cannot conceive of a God Who loves them but not their sin. Isaiah 1:18 says, “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.”

They see only a supreme being- if they even believe in that- who is judgemental and hateful. “Whoever comes to me I will never drive away” -John 6:37. 

Our God is a compassionate and merciful God. He desires that no one should be lost, but that all should come to salvation through repentance and personal faith in Jesus as Savior and Lord  In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.-Epehesians 1:7

If they only knew the graciousness of God they wouldn't stay unbelievers for long...Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

God doesn't care about your ethnicity, belief system or past- He wants you to come to Him, confess your sin and accept that His Blood has covered your sin. Then He wants a relationship with you- He is not interested in forming a religion per se.

No matter where you have been or what you have done, God still wants you to accept His salvation.

God's grace is deeper than any dark place you have been or any dark things you have done.

Jesus died for you- live for Him... eternally. How to become a Christian

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. Romans 10:10


It's been six years!

 


It's been six years since I wrote this post and it is still as relevant today as it was then. So I have decided to repost it. The LORDS' coming is closer than it was then and the urgency is even stronger...

I have been grappling with writing what's on my heart lately. As a deep thinker, I ponder daily on what I feel God wants me to write about in this blog. I try to encourage and edify, but I know that sometimes what I speak of upsets some people.

As I looked at myself in the mirror today, I saw a woman whose life is spent mostly on studying the Word of God, praying and blogging in between bouts of chronic illness. It's all I can do now.

Writing's been a passion of mine for the last 30 years after three separate pastors at different services prophesied over me, saying that God has appointed me to be a spokesperson- actually the word was "mouthpiece" for Him throughout the world.

I really took this to heart and started writing Christian personalised verse and self published a book of poetry called "In Spirit And In Truth". It sold at various Christian bookstores, but somehow this didn't seem the way that I was meant to go...

With the advent of the internet, I started blogging and that and writing for various Christian magazines have become my form of service to God. As the blogs and articles circulated, I realised that that was where the "throughout the world" part of the prophecies were coming from...

Apart from obeying God by writing, I realised that I burn with the desire to see the lost being saved and that I do indeed love people. Christian or not. Coloured or not. 

As I combed my hair, I realised that I must write more of Christ and His offer of salvation than focus on our many illnesses and the Corona Virus. Times are short.

I know some who read may take offence, but please recall that I do so out of love and nothing personal to gain. I want you to be saved from the imminent wrath of God for people who prefer to live in their sin than to repent and serve God.

This world is getting darker and very soon Jesus will be taking the Church- His Bride, to be with Him. This is known as the Rapture and only believers will go. 

My prayer is that you will go with us and not be left on this earth which is going to be hell on earth. I need to say it, before it's too late. 

I don't want you to be offended, but saved. God doesn't want anyone to go to Hell, and neither do I. Times are short as I said and we have millenia of prophecies that have come true  to uphold this.

One must be saved or born-again to get to Heaven. Jesus is the only way and that choice must be made personally and voluntarily. Either we accept Jesus and go to Heaven, or we go to Hell.

I have written this post for those who as yet aren't born again, because if I didn't warn you, I couldn't live with myself.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks


He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

Casting stones or extending grace?






A little prelude from the scriptures...

Jesus went unto the Mount of Olives. And early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people came unto Him; and He sat down, and taught them. And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto Him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, 

They say unto Him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses, in the law, commanded us, that such should be stoned; but what sayest Thou? This they said, testing {tempting} Him, that they might have to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down, and with His finger wrote on the ground, as though He heard them not. 

So when they continued asking Him, He lifted up Himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again He stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they who heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last; and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 

When Jesus had lifted up Himself, and saw none but the woman, He said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? Hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee; go, and sin no more. -John 8:1-11

Jesus, being sinless was the only one present in this scene who could have cast the first stone, but He offered forgiveness and life to the woman caught in adultery... 

We usually are the first to gasp in disbelief when we hear of Christians who have sinned similarly, and we shun them or refuse to listen to anything they have to say.... we cast the first stone in judgement then we cast another in ostracism and a third in completely assassinating that person's entire life through gossip. 

The Body of Christ is made up of people who are in need of a Saviour, sinners clinging to the Grace of God and the Blood of Christ. Not one of us have the right to cast any stones. So let us drop the stone in our hand and offer a hand to a fallen brother or sister and lead them to accept again the Grace of our Saviour Who died for our sin .that by God's grace, go we...

Are you casting stones or extending grace?


© Glenys Robyn Hicks

So let's not argue


I was having a heart to heart with a friend and as old friends do, confidences were shared. Talking over milestone events in our lives, I shared that I was pregnant to my fiance at 16.

My friend sniffed, and announced that she was a virgin at marriage. She was looking down her nose at me. And it duly got up it. Why? you may ask...

This same friend who was judging me for my premarital sexual relationship later on committed adultery against her husband who rightly avoided sleeping with her prior to their marriage. The stink of her  hypocrisy rose in my nostrils and in my gall.

Likewise, my paternal grandmother who was pregnant at her marriage refused to come to mine because I was in the same delicate condition. Her hypocrisy also made me angry as well as sad.

We are so quick to judge and call each other out, when in fact we are guilty of transgressing God's law because we are all sinners. Christ was the only Man to walk the earth and not sin.

Premarital sex and adultery are both sin and each in its' own right was the reason why we needed a Saviour to bear that sin in our place. Each sin- every sin- necessitated Christ's sacrifice to redeem us.

Before we assume that we are more virtuous than another, we would do well to remember that our own sin led Christ to Calvary just as the sin of another did. There's none of us guiltless and sinless.

As we ponder or dismay at the sins of mankind, we would do well to remember that but by the grace of God, go I. Sin is sin. It all had to be cleansed by the precious Blood of Christ. 

My sin- your sin is ugly. We all need to repent and accept God's grace and forgiveness and not judge. We have been redeemed, cleansed and set apart from whatever sin we committed. 

Jesus died for all our sin... yours and mine. It was *our* sin that was taken to the cross. Neither one of us is sinless... So let's not argue.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks



Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:7

How's your walk with the Lord?



To those of us who love the LORD, we tend to speak of Him among ourselves quite often. Often we talk about our walk with Him and pray for each other. To ask a Christian how their walk with the LORD is going is by no means offensive. Or it shouldn't be.

If you share a cuppa with me, we will be talking about our walk pretty soon into our tea and cake, and to my mind,  as Christians, this is normal. So you can imagine my shock when I inadvertently offended someone who was a professing Christian. 

Sipping on my tea, I casually asked, "So how's your walk with the LORD going?" She immediately recoiled and retorted, "I hate it when people ask me that! I am fine, I have everything I want. I don't need God now!"  Before I could respond, our husbands returned and the conversation died.

The rest of the afternoon, this woman was cold towards me, and I couldn't help reflecting on her spiritual life- or lack of it. Plus, I was worried for her. What will happen when she finds she does in fact, need God? And she will one day. We all do.

As she was a woman who was studying to become a Salvation Army soldier, I took it for granted that she loved the LORD. Or perhaps she did but saw Him as a genie who granted her whatever she desired, to be summoned only when she wanted something from Him. Perhaps this was the result of false teachings.

Certainly if this young woman had made a confession of faith in Christ but had limited understanding of grace and salvation, she would remain saved. Certainly Christ's atoning death would cover her sin if she was born-again but back-slidden.

God certainly would accept her if she in fact was unsaved and if the Holy Spirit brought her to a saving knowledge of Christ. But firstly she would have to see that her promoting herself as Christian and wanting to be in ministry in the spiritual condition she's in presently, is hypocrisy. 

I do think of her a lot, but am unable to approach the subject with her in person. But thankfully, it is not my job to bring her to Christ, or indeed to bring her to repentance. I am not the Holy Spirit. 

My job is to turn my concern for her into prayerful petitions to the Father for her salvation or closer walk with Him. God knows, I have a job making sure I am walking the walk and not just talking the talk!

At least by taking tea with her and asking that innocent question, I am now aware of her need for a deeper walk or a new walk. So I pray for her and leave it with God, and I still sometimes ask others, "How's your walk with the LORD?"

© Glenys Robyn Hicks 

He hath shewed thee, O man, what [is] good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8

Her Kinsman-Redeemer

 


Through new-born eyes the infant King stares at Mary's face, 
Her deep brown eyes drinking in the sight of Him-
His tiny hand clasped strongly around her finger-
The first touch of God incarnate amongst man.
He is God's own Son-
Her Kinsman-Redeemer.

Through pain-filled eyes the crucified King stares into Mary’s face again,
Entrusting her into John’s care-
Longing to reach out to her with His pierced hands
To bring her the comfort of God -
He is her own Son-
Her Kinsman-Redeemer.

In death His glazed eyes still behold her and all mankind for whom He died,
His bloodied hand now resting on Mary’s shoulder
Comforting her as she cries in her grief –
Even in death loving her,
Her victorious Saviour and evermore
Her Kinsman-Redeemer.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks 

“When Jesus saw His mother, He said, ‘Woman, behold your son!” John 19:26

That none should perish

 


I was looking at this link today  So many people are turning to Christ all around the world. It is so amazing to know that these people are now eternally safe from any harm that the world can inflict on them.

Truthfully, I am overwhemed that even at this late hour, the Age of Grace is still here. To be honest, I feel a tad guilty.

"Why?" you ask. Because I am so longing to be with Jesus myself, and am praying for the Rapture to be soon, that I have overlooked those who are not as yet, saved.

Jesus commanded all Christians to go and make disciples and that includes everyone regardless of ethnicity, colour or creed. Regardless of how much they have sinned, each person is loved and wanted as God's Children and co-heirs with Christ.

In my pleading for Jesus to come and take us to be with Him, I am in effect hastening the end of the Age of Grace. After which those who are left behind will suffer terribly and will be martyred for their new belief in Christ.

Prior to being saved, we are all on the road to Hell. God, not wanting anyone to perish sent His only begotten Son, Jesus to shed His Blood for us and all He requires of us is to believe that He is God's Son, died and shed His Blood in our place and rose again on the third day.

Any man or woman- any- is welcome to come to Him and not go to Hell. But we can only come through Jesus- because only His sinless Blood could atone for our sins. There's only forgiveness by the Blood.

My selfishness forgot that Jesus longs to bring many more to Christ before the Rapture and I have been remiss in not speaking enough of it. Now is the Day of Salvation... that none should perish.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:  John 1:25

Be the love

 


So your parents weren't as loving as you wanted?  Your husband not as demonstrative in his love as you would like?

So you decided you won't love them now?  and so, you will be doomed to sadness...

Love covers a multitude of sins. Love. Grow. Forgive. Let the buck stop with you. Give that love you longed for to others. Be the love.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks



Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins- 1 Peter 4:8 

Crying happy tears!

 



So the last few weeks have been difficult to say the least. We have helped my sister close up her house, moved her in here and found accommodation for my son. 

On top of that, RSV has gone through our home and was pretty horrid. My sister says it was worse than Covid. 

Add a severe fibromyalgia flare to the mix, and you have a very disheartening turn of events.

I have prayed a lot during the last few weeks but haven't been diligent about reading my bible. To be honest, sometimes it was hard just to keep awake.

Today I finally got back into the Word and was immediately drawn to Proverbs 20:20- Whoever curses his father or his mother, His lamp will be put out in deep darkness.

I was immediately convicted of doing this- not actual cursing but speaking badly of particularly my mother, due to a very traumatic childhood.

I repented quickly but even so, I meditated on this during the night, talking to the LORD about it.

During this talk, I asked Him why He has in fact blessed me all these years, and immediately I felt Him tell me that He knew and saw all the past hurt and allowed me to talk it out and slowly release all the pain.

I further felt that now is the day to let it go- really go, and move on. I am amazed at the patience and tenderness that God has shown me and I am so very grateful for His love and forgiveness and mercy.

You may recall my love for kingfishers and how God used to make sure I saw them whenever they came for a feed.  I call them  "love glances"

Fast track to an hour ago as I was preparing lunch. I happened to look out of the glass door from where we feed the birds in the garden.  There was a black and white kingfisher! A love glance! 

My heart burst with love for God and happiness that He still loved me in spite of my many failings! It was just what I needed to lift my spirits... and today like many times before, I cried. 

Tears of gratitude and joy and a deeper joy in my spirit replaced the tears of pain and frustration of the last few weeks.

Finding Jesus is not finding religion- it is having a relationship with God and I am very pleased to report that God met His daughter's emotional needs mightily, for  He glanced at me in a personal way that  made me cry the happiest of tears! 


© Glenys Robyn Hicks



He said, “I am the Lord, the Lord. I am the God who is tender and kind. I am gracious. I am slow to get angry. I am faithful and full of love. Exodus 34:6

A warm embrace.



I  owe myself an apology.

For all the times I promised to forgive myself, only to bring it up again later.

For clipping the wings of my own dreams before they even had a chance to take flight. 

For thinking so little of myself at the very moments I should have been standing up for myself.

For the lies I swallowed while starving for truth.

For believing that all the glass I walked on as a child was ever my fault.

For withholding from myself the same grace and second chances I so freely give others.

For allowing the world to convince me that my heart was both too much and not enough.

For all the days wasted pretending to be someone I hoped you would accept.

For not living my life more on my own terms, simply because I was afraid of making a mistake.

For punishing myself for far too long.

For believing love was bloody and painful, and that I didn’t deserve better.

For every time I looked in the mirror and hated who I saw.

I could sit here listing every reason and way I was wronged by others, but maybe more than anything, I owe myself an apology for not valuing this one, beautifully precious life of mine enough to know I’m worthy of greatness, the very best of everything.

And for that, I am sorry. Author unknown

I cried when I read this. I had a very traumatic and abusive childhood. At sixteen, I got engaged and became pregnant soon after, and married a man who started abusing me badly before the ink had dried on the marriage certificate.

I doted on my children for in them I saw someone who would love me.

In spite of the abuse, I stayed with him for the children's sake. At least they would have a happy childhood.

I hated myself because I was taught that I was unloveable and nothing I did pleased anyone anyway.

And now, looking back on my life, I realise that I took on too much, trying to make sure that no one else suffered the pain I felt from childhood until today.

My present husband is loving... however two of my four children are not. Some of my grandchildren  love me and half don't. 

And now at 71 years, I realise that it doesn't matter. I am happy in my own skin. Loved by some and especially loved by God.

Nothing was my fault in spite of being blamed for everything that went wrong all my life. 

And so, I have learned to comfort the little girl who sought love and peace and who learned the 91st Psalm and prayed it every night to get to sleep.

It was not my fault that my mother took out her frustrations on me, hating that I was actually quite strong and therefore was a threat to her subjugation of us all.

And now, I have decided to forgive those who made me feel inadequate, unloved and stupid.I am too old and sick to carry that burden anymore...

The past has gone far too quickly- I cannot ruin my final years dragging that chain of regret and unforgiveness.

And as I forgave my parents  and ex-husband for their abuse, I found a calm and peace as the burden was lifted off my shoulders.

And looking at my reflection in the mirror, I realised that I had to also forgive my younger self for not being stronger and more resilient. I hated her when she was in fact strong and I feel sad that I let her bear the brunt of hate and disrespect for as long as she did...

The reflection in the mirror looked back at me, and smiled and accepted my forgiveness...and my love.

I wrapped my arms around myself and embraced her warmly....



 © Glenys Robyn Hicks


"He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide  under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I  trust.." Psalm 91... words that comforted my younger self...