They suffer in silence

I write to encourage chronically ill women, but I know there are many men who follow with us, walking the long weary journey of pain with all its' ramifications. 

Men are often the butt of jokes regarding "man flu" and so on, making out that  they can't cope with pain or illness like we women. They are made out to be babies when it comes to illness: but I beg to differ.

I have seen chronic illness in men first hand with my own father and later step-father. Dad died at 50 and in his short life he battled through 8 heart attacks and 3 strokes. Even feeling at his worst, usually only a few weeks after a heart attack, he would front up to work in order to keep Mum and us 4 children. Even when taped up with broken ribs, Dad still went to work every day. He was my hero!

Forever stoic, he amazed the doctors when just days after his open heart surgery he raised his arms high during physio, ignoring the pain. He was determined to work through it all and get on with his life. Sadly this didn't happen and he died just 6 weeks after from complications. 

My step-father fought a brave battle with emphysema, forever cheerful through gasped breaths. He too worked through pain to keep his family with 3 children and took on the role of carer for his first wife as she fought a brave battle with breast cancer. It was very rare that he bemoaned his twisted hands with arthritis from working outdoors filling petrol tanks on cars docked on the wharf and walking miles every day up and down those wharves.

So stoic was my step-father that the day before he died when he felt a bit agitated, I massaged his feet and cut his toenails, only to find the most deformed and gnarled feet that it took my breath away. Not a word of complaint all those years at work! 

I sometimes wonder why ill men often don't make a fuss about their illness. I believe it is because men have been portrayed as strong at all times. And they certainly never cry. Yet to me, it would be somewhat therapeutic if they could cry, even in private. 

Tears could come for all the physical pain involved in illness, all the anxiety of tests or chemo or surgeries or even needles. And surely a tear could expel some deep fears of not being able to earn enough to provide not only for family, but medical aid. But you rarely find a man will allow himself to break down, even momentarily.

It is common knowledge that most men won't see a doctor until they are truly ill. They continue steadfastly working and hoping that what ails them will pass. They are no sissy as jokes proclaim.

I do not like jokes about sick men. They (you if you are a man), carry not only the burden of their illness, but the burden of being a provider. They carry the burden of society's stereo-typing of their gender. Tough. Unbreakable. Superhuman. A big burden which causes tired shoulders to wilt. 

To the sick men out there, I pray that you will find someone or somewhere to let down your guard and facade.  I pray not only for your healing physically, but emotionally. I am praying for you to be respected as worthy of compassion and care. I want those who you serve and for whom you strive every. single. day. to appreciate your sacrificial love for them. And I want validation for you as chronically ill people. 

 You guys rock! So thank you from all of us who know you and love you. May the LORD richly bless you as you suffer in silence. For despite the jokes, reality says that you really do.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 1:2