Morning Cuppas With Glenys : van life

Showing posts with label van life. Show all posts

When your home is a prison

Years ago I suffered from a dreadful condition where leaving my home was a cause for panic and anxiety. It's name is agoraphobia. I overcame it, but it has reared its' ugly head once more.

With the Corona Virus instilling in us a fear of being too near people, being diligent with hand washing etc in order to stay safe, and staying at home because of Rona, I have found it has exacerbated my agoraphobic tendencies.

I get clammy going into a supermarket or even going to the Post Office. Some days I have to force myself to leave the house and I will get Chris to handle things for me if possible.

Living in the fifth wheeler for six months and ending up housebound because of my torn menisci didn't help me either. It took a lot of effort to get out of the staying at home habit when we first resumed renting. But I won, and by beating it then, I know I can do it again.

When we are asked to stay home, it does not present any great problem to me. In fact, the only problem with this whole virus thing is that I can't see my family. But that won't last forever. They will be able to come to me.

My agoraphobia will not last forever: with prayer and forcing myself to gradually leave the house for longer periods, I will overcome it. But it takes a lot of prayer and determination. But with time it can be done.

Agoraphobia must be tamed in order to have quality of life, for if given into, it will turn your home into a prison.

"The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by Him, Who shelters him all the day long; And he shall dwell between His shoulders." Deuteronomy 33:12

Overcoming agoraphobia.

Years ago I suffered from a dreadful condition where leaving my home was a cause for panic and anxiety. It's name is agoraphobia. I overcame it, but it has reared its' ugly head once more.

I get clammy going into a supermarket or even going to the Post Office. Some days I have to force myself to leave the house and I will get Chris to handle things for me if possible.

Living in the fifth wheeler for six months and ending up housebound because of my torn meniscus didn't help me either. It took a lot of effort to get out of the staying at home habit when we first resumed renting. But I won, and by beating it then, I know I can do it again.

I am afraid that when we are finally over Covid 19 and able to leave our homes, that I will be so used to being home that I will prefer it. Our agoraphobia must be tamed in order to have quality of life, for if given into, it will turn your home into a prison.

"The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by Him, Who shelters him all the day long; And he shall dwell between His shoulders." Deuteronomy 33:12

He works all things together for good

As you may recall, we were living in a RV fulltime for six months until my physical problems meant I became housebound. With great disappointment, we had to find another home to rent.

God blessed us so much with finding our cottage in the country. With selling or giving away all our furniture to live in the van, we had to buy furniture all over again, just like newlyweds.

Again, God blessed us by guiding us to places that allowed us to pay our furniture off through renting to own it or by doing Afterpay.

When we look out our back garden, we can see His Hand in all this. He knew what I was hungering for and graciously provided it in this cottage. I am a country girl at heart. Of course, He knew that!

It is not uncommon for me to sit watching the birds and taking it all in, and becoming overwhelmed with grateful tears to the LORD. I am a weird person who doesn't cry much in pain or adversity, but who cries with happiness.

With the Corona Virus, Chris and I have been thinking how God blessed us by having us get out of the fifth wheeler and into a stable home. The government in Australia because of Rona, have shut down caravan parks, with only those with permanent homes given permission to stay. We would have had nowhere to go.

Just the other day Chris said it was a blessing in disguise that I tore my meniscus in my knee and we had to go back to renting. We agreed that God planned this for us as of course He wasn't taken by surprise with this Virus.

Also, I might add, since moving out of the fifth wheeler, my knee has improved dramatically. With all that has happened recently, it is evident to us that God has had His Hand on us all this time. What seemed like a disappointment has been turned into a blessing.

This has just deepened our faith and our hearts are swelled with gratitude and praise.

It is good to remember that when one door closes, another one opens. God works all things together for good for those who love Him.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

And so this was Christmas

So, I am sitting here the day after Christmas. I have absolutely no energy and the paracetamol tablets have done nothing to alleviate my pain from my fibromyalgia flare, my back ache and my sore arthritic feet.

My fibromyalgia has been flaring for the past five months since we started life in the fifth wheeler: well, actually it was flaring before that as we sold or gave away all our extraneous stuff and packed the van and closed up our rented house.

Prior to that we had the search for the fiver and a tow vehicle, then finding someone to put in the hitch and then the long tow back from Ballarat to Pakenham. A long round about trip.

Three months into the trip, I tore my meniscus in the left knee again, and that put paid to being able to manage the seven steps up into the fiver. I became housebound and gained quite a bit of extra weight. We had to find a new rented home with no steps.

We have just moved into a renovated farm house in a small country township in East Gippsland. We picked up the keys Monday 23rd December and of course the next day was Christmas Eve. We had made plans to see our little granddaughter open her presents and that meant staying overnight. We honestly felt so tired that we wished we could just cancel Christmas...

Christmas Day I helped my daughter cook and we had Christmas lunch there and then made the long trip home. I was so tired that I fell asleep on the drive home and nearly garrotted myself on the seat belt. Chris said I was snoring sonorously. I believe him.

As it is our summer here in Australia, the weather was hot and this gave me trouble with my heart and caused my feet to swell alarmingly. I was so glad to get home and ditch my shoes and lay by the air conditioner for a bit.

This morning I took my sugars and was shocked by the high reading. I think I should not have had the choc ripple cake but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Although we still have stuff to unpack from the fiver and put in place here, the house is basically functional and very cosy already.

I did pause frequently to reflect on the reason for the season: the birth of our Saviour Jesus Christ. The best part is spreading love and spending time with family if possible. If they will allow it.

I cannot say how Christmas became so commercial and such a rush, but this year no one seemed very full of the festive spirit. In fact, most seemed flushed and rushed and to be honest, those we visited were bickering and fighting and that made me anxious.

As I pour myself the last of our egg nog and head to bed for a nana nap, I have purposed to stay at home next Christmas. It is time to accept that all the hype of what should be a holy and peaceful time, is playing havoc with my ageing body.

The beauty of the Saviour's birth will not be lost on me, but I will lose the expectation of sweet family gatherings and realise that my family is dysfunctional.

As I make my way to my room, I bow my head in thanks for God's wonderful gift of His Son. And I pray for peace for my family and others like it. I hope you all had a better Christmas than we did.... and so, this was Christmas!

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Psalm 31:24

Telling it to our cat

As you probably know, we are in the process of finding a new rental to live in. We are currently living in a fifth wheeler, but I have torn my meniscus again and I cannot handle the seven steps to get in and out. I am practically housebound.

My mother passed away a year ago and I must say that I am still feeling her loss keenly. Coupled with my meniscus tear, exacerbated spinal pain because of the bed and stairs and pulled arm muscles from heaving myself up the three steps from the first level to the bedroom and ensuite, I have the Mother of all fibromyalgia flares with arthritis to boot. It has been one continuous flare since we moved in here four months ago.

My depression is compounded by the chronic pain which is constant and I have gained even more weight as I cannot move much. I am close to the Pit of Despair and something that happened yesterday didn't help me much either...

We had to go food shopping yesterday. Chris was bringing the groceries up into the fiver and I was slowly plodding my way towards the steps. A woman who has a caravan near us spoke to Chris then came up to me and offered me her hand as I painfully managed the stairs. I was so grateful and heartened that she bothered to help me. Not many people make the effort.

At the halfway point wherein the flyscreen door swings out and one has to push it aside, I let go of her hand. I was telling her of the reason we were selling the fiver. At last I made it inside and I turned round to thank her, mid-sentence. She wasn't even there but I could see her almost at her caravan.

My feelings did a downward spiral as I realised I had been talking to myself and I felt again the loneliness of the chronically ill and disabled. From a fleeting feeling of respect and validation, I felt disrespected and my problems considered minor or of no consequence. The chronically ill or disabled will understand what I am speaking about.

We don't ask for constant validation and never ending compassion. We know that the "normals" who don't experience the pain and inconvenience of disease and disability, can't empathise, just sympathise. But what we do ask is that we be heard, respected and validated. Nothing compounds our physical pain as much as being ignored, made fun of or marginalised. This is important to us..

The "normals" can even help prevent a trip to the Pit of Despair by showing a bit of interest and compassion to us, so please don't be like our neighbour in the caravan park who didn't want to know.

I am not minimising the power of prayer, and we should pray and talk to the LORD, but we need another listening ear sometimes, but often people don't want to hear us and for all the good it does, we might just as well tell it to our cat.

Coping with change and disappointment

As you know, we live in a fifth wheeler RV We have been on the road for three months. Having sold or given away most of our stuff, we have very little left. But it didn't matter as this RV had most things we needed. It was a dream come true.

The dream is coming to an end. My body can't cope with RV life. All my ailments are exacerbated by living in the fifth wheel. I have torn my meniscus in my left knee and I can no longer manage to get up the seven steps and the three up into our bedroom and ensuite. I am almost housebound.

Because the bed is difficult to get in and out of, I need to pull myself up and my shoulder and neck muscles vie in hot contest of being the sorest. As a result, my polymyalgia rheumatica is back and bad.

I have to slide down the wall to help take pressure off my sore knee and this has played havoc with my spinal problems and after getting up the main steps, I suffer angina really badly.

My fatigue is so bad and my fibromyalgia is in a flare. The stress of finding a new house and forcing myself to use the steps in order to do that is causing me to go into a depression.

There's no way round it: no mobility aids to overcome the problem and we will have to sell the fiver. It is a very disappointing turn of events.

I had prayed that I would be making the right choice in buying the fiver and GMC tow vehicle and in how I used my inheritance my mother left me last year. I felt sure this was the way to go but three months into our venture, it is apparent that for me, it is not a lifestyle I can maintain.

In a Christian's life, there is nothing that God hasn't already seen, and in saying that, I must confess that I believe everything is for a purpose. Whatever is in the future is part of God's plan for my life.

In feeling the disappointment, I must remind myself of this. I look forward to looking over this chapter in my life's book and seeing God's purpose for this. God is good. All the time.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from. Ecclesiastes 3:11

Feeling a bit washed out!

As you probably know, we live in a fifth wheeler RV full-time. It has some benefits which I am slowly starting to see, with compact living that reduces the work needed to maintain it a bonus.

We are by the sea at Seaspray Caravan Park. The weather has been great, but last night it rapidly became colder and today it is muggy and raining.

This doesn't normally worry me, but as a sufferer of fibromyalgia, it often brings on a flare and it has. I am overwhelmed with muscle and body aches and tiredness.

Although living in a RV makes it easier to keep clean and maintain, there are many things that need to be done daily. Especially when you have a cat that lives inside.

There are meals to cook and clothes to wash as well, and even when housework's shared with a partner, there are some things that a woman just has to do in homemaking. Life in a RV isn't just a long holiday.

As I type, I can see our bed and it is calling my name. Chris is going to tuck me in for a nana nap. Hopefully I will feel better after that and will have enough energy to cook a Shepherd's Pie for dinner.

After I am tucked up in bed, Chris has promised to run the Dyson Stick Vacuum over the floors. For the first time I am glad there aren't a lot of floors to do.

But for not the first time, I am glad that we have a queen sized cosy bed just feet away from me. I am going up the three steps to it as soon as I post this.

So much for one long vacation: fibromyalgia doesn't take a holiday. I am feeling a bit washed out.

Keeping house in a RV

As you know, we live in a RV. Most people think that life is one big holiday, but to be honest, each day brings its list of chores to be done. As our RV is our home, and we live in it full time, housework fills our days just as it does in a sticks and bricks home.

In an effort to keep my home as I like it, I use a combination of Sylvias' Lists according to the day, and FlyLady On any given day, I won't know which method I will be using until I wake, then it will depend entirely upon how I am feeling.

If I am feeling ill, I will just keep to Sylvias' Lists, just selecting the appropriate day in the sidebar and doing just that. If I feel well enough, I will use FlyLady, checking what Zone I am in at the time and doing a little of that as well as the days List in Sylvias' Lists. It is amazing how much you can fit in in 15 minutes. Usually though, that 15 minutes in my zone is enough to deplete my excess energy.

I don't obsess about it but follow my own methods of homemaking, nor do I allow myself to sink into false guilt - because feeling guilty just saps us of emotional energy we need to direct to something positive.

Chronic illness never goes on holiday so although I have less to keep clean than I had before, I find I still have to watch my spoons and pace myself.

I hope these Lists help you attend to your home as you cope with chronic illness.

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

The cat among the pigeons

We are currently living in a caravan park for long term residents. Most of the people who live here are down and out and unsaved. Life has been far from kind to them, and most are living on low incomes or pensions.

Not sure how long we will be here, we are slowly getting to know the people dwelling in mobile homes and caravans alongside us in our RV. To say that most are a little rough is an understatement.

Chris and I have had many conversations about how to handle the foul language and so on without alienating them. We do want to live peacefully here while Chris recovers from his surgeries and we catch our breath. We are both very tired.

Now, even though these people are rough, we have had them over for tea and a chat and, as to be expected, the language can get pretty salty. The F word is a particular favourite one and it is dropped with no regard to a lady being present.

We are letting it go because making an issue of language which they are used to, would have us ostracised, so we are not taking it on board. After all, how can we witness to them and give them hope if we come across as "holier than thou"? How would they have the ability to ask us for a reason of the hope within us if we came across as prideful?

To be honest, colourful language generally doesn't faze me. After all, it is just a lack of proper English expression, but when they blaspheme, it really gets to me. And blasphemy is as common as dropping the F word here.

They know we are Christians and they can see the picture of Jesus in our living area. It is no secret. Yet, as is common with unsaved people, taking the LORD'S Name in vain is still engaged in, and we think perhaps it is even more so than normally. We let it go.

"Why do you let it go?" you ask? Because God knows our heart. He knows how we esteem His Name and He knows that we believe that He has placed us here to be a light in a dark place. We are living in a place of no hope. Of poverty. Of unbelief. And like Jesus, we associate with these poor folk who are no different to us, except they don't know Jesus yet.

Speaking of salvation, we have discussed that we believe we are to show God's love to these people, live out our faith in a way that is not prideful, and help minister to and show respect for these folk. That is our priority.

We are sinners saved by grace. We are not the Holy Spirit. His work is to convict and woo these people- all the unsaved, not just those who live alongside us. Ours is to live out our life with authenticity so that it makes the love of God manifest to them.

Each time someone takes His Name in vain, I have to bite my tongue and keep silent. It takes a lot of prayer and quite a lot of strength. Some days it feels like they do it to get a rise from us, knowing that we are Christian. But love and acceptance will win out if it is God's Will that someone will come to know Christ through our witness.

Meanwhile, I simply bite my tongue, put the kettle on and offer a cuppa to what seems to us to be the cat among the pigeons.

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; 1 Peter 3:15