Morning Cuppas With Glenys : disease

Showing posts with label disease. Show all posts

I am not "normal"

We chronically ill women try so hard to do "normal" things. Like look well. Be cheerful. Be patient. Kind. Hospitable.

Our family and marriage are our first priority after God. We try so hard to spin our wheel not fast- but at a "normal" pace. By "normal", we compare ourselves to those who do not suffer from chronic illness and pain. Or are disabled.

We are very careful to keep serving our family but sometimes with the illness that afflicts us: we fail. This often gets to us and causes us to sink into depression.

Being unable to process that we simply can't act as "normals", we often berate ourselves and sink into the Pit of Despair.

We are often judged by "normal" standards, as we simply cannot attend certain social functions like before. If we do, the pain and effort can make us tense and we can make us appear moody unsociable grumps aka the death head at the feast.

If only "normals" would realise that we are pushing ourselves every day to live a life that not even closely is "normal" like in the days before our health failed. We get so adept at doing this, that we have become quite good at wearing masks to cover the Mask Of Pain. Hence the appearance of being in a mood.

My fibromyalgia and other health issues have now made it impossible for me to disguise, and I have learned to acknowledge this to people and tell them in advance that my attendance or action or whatever is totally subject to how I am on any given day.

Basically, I have had to pander to angina, spinal problems, fibromyalgia, polymyalgia rheumatica, and submit to tyrannical spoons by being totally flexible about my appointments and so on.

People may still misjudge me but that is not my problem. I just pray that the LORD will allow them to see that I am not lazy or unsociable, but am just a chronically ill woman who finds just breathing some days enough effort.

The LORD knows I am not well, but people take a lot more convincing. I am not "normal".

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Colossians 3:12

Give us the comfort of Jesus~

I recently saw a post from a Christian woman who blogs about marriage and who believes she is an authority on all things spiritual. Along with this narcissim, she has a very prideful and uncompassionate and judgemental attitude. Plus she will never concede that perhaps, just perhaps, she is wrong.

She was exhorting us to not allow any sin into our lives: gluttony was high up on her list. And whilst gluttony is a sin- (anything taken into excess especially that which is harmful- is a sin)- she proceeded to broadcast her lack of knowledge in weight and health matters, and made the blanket statement that overweight is always due to gluttony and that is therefore sin.

So many chronically ill people commented and her attitude was one of "pipe down you glutton and confess your sin!" Many overweight people- Christians- were upset by her and I join them. I wrote a reply as this woman needs to be made aware that her judgements are not only spiritually wrong but also medically incorrect....

OK. So I am obese. After 3 heart stents, an underactive thyroid that took years to diagnose, fibromyalgia, Scheurrmanns Disease, spinal stenosis, hole in the heart and a torn meniscus in the left knee plus years of Prednisolone due to polymyalgia rheumatica, I don't move around much.

Every single one of the 30 pills I must take daily add to my chronic fatigue and lack of alertness. I eat healthy food and keep to 1200 cals a day. Due to meds, I must eat with them and I cannot fast- but I have tried. To make a simple equation in physics help me lose weight, I would be able to consume a plate of lettuce once a day. Which is unreasonable and unsustainable.

I am very close to God and am under absolutely no conviction that I am either a glutton or a consistent sinner. I am however, absolutely constantly reassured of a God Who loves me as a Father loves His child and I confess I cling to Him in my daily living with chronic illness and consequent obesity.

To have prideful and uncompassionate people act like Jobs' Comforters is no help at all and very unChristlike. Where is grace? Why the judgements? Thank God we have one Judge and Advocate: I thank God it's Jesus.

It is a shame that this woman is so unsympathetic and strident: she speaks a lot of truth regarding marriage, but again with the caustic remarks and prideful attitude one sees in her adored author Debi Pearl, as seen in her horrible book Created to Be A Help Meet.

A Christian teacher should be gentle, not prideful, harsh and downright cruel. There are so many of us who are overweight and who fight it daily. We do not need to be told that we are sinning because of our weight. It is a sad state of affairs when we have the added pain of condemnation from an unlearned individual to contend with as well.

Let us be slow to speak and then to do so in love, just as our Saviour taught us. We need His comfort as we battle our weight and illnesses, not some self righteous cowgirl galloping in on her stallion. Job's comforters are not required- (not that she tries to comfort anyway) Give us the comfort of Jesus!

I have heard many such things: miserable comforters are ye all. Job 16:2

I have to agree!

With so many Victorians contracting Corona Virus in a vicious second wave, wearing masks has been declared mandatory for all Victorians after midnight tonight.

There's still much ongoing debate about the ability of a mask to stop the spread of the virus, but with a $200 fine for not wearing one, most of us will do so, albeit begrudgingly.

Chris and I will be wearing a mask when we leave home, in fact, we have already worn one yesterday. To be honest, I feel like I can't breathe properly but I persisted with wearing one.

I am no medical person, but my feeling is that these masks don't stop the virus. However, because we are to obey those in authority over us- providing it is not something sinful, Christians must be seen to be obeying those who rule over us. Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you. Hebrews 13:17

Another reason I will wear a mask is because of love. People generally feel more secure when others wear a mask, so out of love and respect for their concerns, I will put one on. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. Romans 12:13

To my way of thinking, I feel it's like eating meat on Good Friday: if it offends someone, I will refrain- yet I will glady enjoy meat if it doesn't cause another to stumble. It's all about respect and love. (1 Corinthians 10:27-31)

If we obey the health authorities, we will be able to say with impunity that we have not been part of the reason that this accursed virus has spread.

My little granddaughter Taylah aged 8 did a comical video of the apparent uselessness of wearing a mask. She makes a valid point that if the intestinal gasses can escape the body, a piece of underwear and some trousers or slacks, then how can a virus be stopped by a flimsy mask?

I will wear a mask because of love, but I have my doubts about it's efficacy... and regarding Tay's astute deduction- I have to agree!

If any of them that believe not bid you [to a feast], and ye be disposed to go; whatsoever is set before you, eat, asking no question for conscience sake. But if any man say unto you, This is offered in sacrifice unto idols, eat not for his sake that shewed it, and for conscience sake: for the earth [is] the Lord's, and the fulness thereof: Conscience, I say, not thine own, but of the other: for why is my liberty judged of another [man's] conscience? For if I by grace be a partaker, why am I evil spoken of for that for which I give thanks? Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:27-31

Fibro gets personal

Fibromyalgia has us unsure of where exactly our body is hurting, but for some of us, pain isn't the only symptom we have. There is one other that vies for our attention: itch!

My body itches everywhere.... my face is so itchy that I scratch at it until it bleeds. I use a ruler to scratch my shoulders, back and nape.

Sometimes in the morning my nails have blood under them where I have scratched my scalp. For this reason, I cannot get my grey hair dyed as I would get chemicals in my scalp.

Tags on my clothes cause me to itch unbearably so I cut them off. My hair blowing on my face or neck drives me insane with itch, so I keep my hair very short these days.

After all these twenty plus years of suffering with fibromyalgia, it has now gotten very personal. Very. And I have spoken to a few women I know well enough to ask, and who have fibro and they all agree that it has progressed from what we all discuss to now becoming very personal. You could say: intimate.

We have found that regardless of whether we have just showered or bathed, we suffer intense itching in our personal areas.

So intense is this itch that it wakes us up and whips us into an itching frenzy. We are not satisfied until we have scratched ourselves raw.

Likewise, under our overhang on our lower abdomen, we have itch that drives us insane as well. And irregardless of hygiene- we have itching in the groins and back of the legs where the leg joins the groin.

It seems that fibromyalgia is a syndrome that annoys one to the inth degree and delights in attacking every phase and aspect of our life and body.

It gives one a new found compassion for the poor dog scraping itself along the ground with extreme personal itch. One can relate. Nothing gets more personal than fibro!

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. 3 John 1:2

His Cloak of Peace

When my youngest child, Dianne had Acute promyelocytic leukaemia, she was dangerously ill and in ICU three times. At one stage her kidneys were failing. Her body was shutting down.

They put her on dialysis three times and it was touch and go that she would make it through. You can imagine how I felt when they said they thought she was far too deteriorated to make it.

Naturally, I was asked to leave the ICU whilst they hooked her up, and to be honest, I just wanted to be alone. So I went down to the tea room for the patients and their family.

It suddenly hit me that I may never see Dianne alive again, and the horror of the last few weeks during which she was on chemo and reacted violently to it, overtook me and I cried.

Slumping down in the corner of the tiny tea room, I gave my daughter to God. He had every right to take her Home, but being a mother, I asked Him to spare her.

Goodness knows, Dianne was only 35 years old, a wife, and mother to three young children. She was needed here. Although she was a Christian and I knew she would be with the LORD, I wanted her here with me.

I prayed fervently, agreeing that whatever be His Will for her, that He was God. It was worse than the despair I felt when I gave birth to still born twin girls at 32 weeks. Up until then, I thought that was the worst thing that I had experienced. But I was wrong. Losing Dianne was something I couldn't endure.

Still slumped in the corner, I was overwhelmed with a peace that didn't make sense. Here we were in an emotional hell on earth, with Dianne's life hanging in the balance, and I was calm.

It was like a cloak of peace had been placed around my shoulders. It warmed me by routing the fear and it exuded a calm that permeated to my marrow. I knew it was the peace that passes all human understanding that God promises to us.

Because I was calm, I found my legs could still carry me- they were giving way to me in the tea room. I returned to the ICU where Dianne was on the dialysis.

I sat willing her to breathe and watching her breathing as if the very act was too tiring for her. I kissed her hand and silently prayed whilst she slept.

Three days later, she was being taught to walk again on the floor of the ICU and her kidney function was restored. Today, she is in remission for five years. They say it is extremely unlikely she will get APML back again...

This ordeal has shown me that we do have a Saviour Who is very involved in His childrens' lives. He is a good Father Who comforts His children when all else fails.

If Dianne had been called Home, I would not have lost faith in Him. But mercifully, He allowed her to live.

The warmth of the Peace He gave me in my most extreme anguished pain, is proof to me that He is a God of His Word. He truly gives us peace that is beyond understanding.

Call on the LORD in your own anguish and see that He is a caring and compassionate Father. There's nothing like His Cloak of Peace around your shoulders.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

I see love

Because of Rona and us being made to stay at home, I have had to ring people instead of going to see them. Although through necessity I had to make a few stops off at places of business this week.

People are keeping well back and practising social distancing at the post office and chemist. There has been almost a camaradie in people I talk to from business people to customers in the chemist.

They have been respectful and maintained their distance but did make eye contact and smiled. Whether in person like that or on the phone, the conversation has always ended with being told to be safe and take care!

I would return the smile and admonish them to do the same, and somehow this interaction lifted my spirits.

Why did it lift me up? you ask. Because in that kind admonition to stay safe and take care, I see the fear that truthfully we all are experiencing in one degree or another.

I also see that people generally have taken on board the complexity of this hidden enemy and the need to be cautious and careful.

There is concern in strangers' voices as they say this in parting, and it resonates in the spirit like the greetings and admonishment at Christmas to have a happy one.

I see something deeper in these admonishments: I see the milk of human kindness. The acknowledgment that we all are frail against this foe and a wish for each other to overcome and live.

It's a recognition that we are all equally vulnerable but equally precious. It's more than words that I hear: I see love!