Making the most of my spoons

So for the last few days I have been enjoying a respite from fibromyalgia pain. The weather has been lovely and sunny and the warmth has permeated my being and soothed a lot of muscle pain.

I have been decluttering our home and making extra meals to freeze for later on. It has been a novelty and a joy to have spoons to do it.

Aware that it can bring on a flare if I do too much, I have been pacing myself. I do 15 minutes sessions of decluttering with a rest in between. With cooking, I do about half an hour of food prep then take a rest as well.

I am enjoying my new dishwasher too. It certainly makes keeping up with the dishes and keeping my kitchen tidier easier. And that I find, encourages me to cook.

I really don't know how long this respite will last, but I'm grateful each day that I have absence from pain and fatigue.

Until you have a respite, you don't realise how challenging your life is. So for the moment, however brief it may be, I will be making the most of my spoons.

 

Clean enough to be healthy

I have had a perfectionist streak all my life, but in the last twenty or so years of ill health, I have had to learn to be content with a more relaxed approach to my home making.

Where once I would be consumed with (false) guilt because I made our bed without four corner tucks or I had the blankets bumpy on the bed, I have had to make do with a more lenient approach. I simply don't have the energy to do four corner tucks. However, even the bed made up quickly and sporting a lump here or there, is extremely satisfying to me now that I've gotten past the perfectionism.

Mornings are no longer the time for house keeping. I have to fit in what I can over however long it takes me... and be content at the end of the day that I actually got it done...

I no longer allow cleaning schedules to dictate to me what I must achieve in any given day or time frame: it gets done more or less within the schedule but on a time of my choosing. It's the only way a Sacrificial Home Keeper can manage..

In saying that I am no longer a perfectionist, I still like to live in a clean home. For me, there are basic things that are not negotiable. I cannot live my life happily unless these things are clean:

I must be clean.

My clothes must be clean.

My bed must be fresh and clean.

My dishes and cooking utensils must be clean.

I can't stand smelly toilets and these and my bathroom must be clean.

These days I need help to maintain this list of essentials.  I do not go into a spin if a fly has died on my window ledge or there is some dust on my furniture. I have learned to accept white cat fur as a part of being a mother to a white cat. The floors can be in need of a vacuum, but I now have Roombas to do them.  It has been years since I ironed something that only I will see... and I learned years ago that one can sleep on unironed pillowcases... it can be done!

I find cooking, shopping, menu and social planning, washing and folding of clothes, managing finances and being a loving wife to my husband is enough for me to cope with. I know from experience over the years that by not pacing myself, I will crash and burn and my recovery time will need more than an occasional nana nap...

Accepting our limitations is an important part of staying calm in a world that has become anything but. And for most of us Sacrificial Home Keepers, our world is our home. 

One final thought that helped me was remembering what our family doctor once said to me when my children were young: "A home should be clean enough to be healthy, but untidy enough to be happy!"  I am trusting that I have at last put his advice into action.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect. 2 Samuel 22:33

Here a little.

 

So today I woke with no spoons and I felt like I had been hit by a bus. But I really want to start this journey of reclaiming my house, so I bit the bullet and took my first step.

As the kitchen is always the first area that calls for attention, I decided to start there. I had cleaned up last night and only had a few dishes to take out of the dishwasher.All I had to clean up was the breakfast and morning tea dishes.

Fibromyalgia flares see that I simply can't do mornings, and as you can see, I couldn't raise a gallop until nearly lunchtime. All I had managed to do was pull up our beds, put a load of washing in and run my irobot, Sadie.

So by the time I had done the kitchen, it was time for a nana nap as my angina was playing up and I was finding just breathing enough.

So I had a nana nap which lasted a few hours, and I came out again but I still had no spoons to speak of.

My plan was to wipe down the kitchen benches or counter tops and start preparing dinner, but I had to leave it for the moment. Chris made me a cup of tea, we discussed what we would eat tonight and I sat down to talk to you.

I realise most people would say that I haven't accomplished a lot, but believe me, when you wake with no spoons at all, it is a lot. I know the benches need wiping down, but basically the kitchen's clean and I can start on cooking dinner as soon as I recoup.

I don't allow myself to suffer from "false guilt" anymore and I don't allow myself to be dictated to by my OCD perfectionist healthy woman of the past. She doesn't exist anymore. 

Everything we do is kudos to us Sacrificial Home Keepers. We push ourselves to achieve little by the standards of "normals", but to us, we have run a marathon.

So in a minute after I post this post, I will be cooking sweet and sour pork and rice. And then I will pray for enough spoons to see me sort the kitchen out- I hate getting up to a dirty kitchen and if I can do it before bed, it will be a gift from my previous self to my future self.

Tonight is bin night, so I will help Chris gather the rubbish and put the bins out. Come to think of it, they go out more often than we do these days! But it is what it is! With no spoons for both of us, staying home is a pleasure.

Anyway, I have at least achieved something today- working. pacing. resting. planning. It all adds up with here a little, there a little in the daily life of this Australian Sacrificial Home Keeper.

A big part of my life

It's 11.30 Saturday morning here and already we have been to have blood tests, come back and had breakfast and I have done a load of washing, folded clothes and stacked the dishwasher. 

They weren't able to get blood from me today so I have to come back Monday. This in spite of drinking water beforehand. 

Chris is sleeping and I am thinking of having a nana nap as I have no spoons left. So tonight I will be cooking pork chops with mashed potato and salad. I may serve a fruit salad for dessert.

The fibromyalgia is flaring and I am aching all over. I haven't recovered from the move yet. In spite of knowing I could/should do some more around the house, I know that I need to rest or tomorrow will be a repeat of today. Pacing and resting are now a big part of my life since fibro.

Stating your name and business

As you know, we have just moved and along with a new home, comes some new things to add to the decor.

Chris and I love this door mat. This verse is one of our favourites and when we saw it we wanted it. It can be personalised to add your family name.

It looks lovely at the front door. We still have pictures to be hung and some flat packs of furniture to make up. The unpacking itself is almost finished.

The plan is to gradually go through room to room and gradually declutter. But this will depend on my spoons. I have another fibromyalgia flare.

But we have been finding that even a concerted effort of 5 minutes at a time followed by a rest and a cup of tea has paid off. Pacing is critical with fibromyalgia and heart failure.

I am in the process of getting an i-Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner to help with the floors. This house is quite large and the passage alone is as long as a cricket pitch...

Neither Chris or I can vacuum these days and I am hoping that the i-Roomba will save on money to employ a helper to come clean the house for me. I will let you know how we go.

Happily, the robotic vac can manage both tiles and carpet without skipping a beat, so it will be able to keep our lovely door mat free of dust bunnies. 

Meant to be noticed, I don't want visitors to our home seeing the mat dirty- not when it's proclaiming our faith and intention of having a holy home. It's all about stating your name and business! 

Another day at the beach

So we were watching the birds coming down for the seed and bread and I grabbed my phone and did a short video.

As you can see, the beautiful coloured small parrots came down in droves, making it a lovely afternoon at The Beach aka the couch.

With pacing and resting during fibromyalgia flares, I find the beauty of nature helps to lift my spirits and give me some peace.

I thought if I shared it, it might brighten your day. By the way, although the sound's not great, could you hear Xena crying "Mum!"? She badly wanted me to allow her to go outside.

I couldn't risk it as she would most likely attack the birds or at the least, frighten them. We don't want anything to jeophardise the possibility of another day at The Beach! 

You just don't know when it will break.

 

Over the last week I have been enjoying a respite from fibromyalgia pain and fatigue. I don't know why it happened, but of course I am glad it did.

During that time I have been busy cooking meals in advance for the next time I have the inevitable flare. It has been working out really well.

I have been carefully pacing myself, allowing 15 minutes of decluttering then resting. Emotionally, it's very satisfying.

Well, I woke up this Sunday morning and have had an unwelcome guest: you guessed it: another fibromyalgia flare. So I guess that I overdid it..So today I will be reaping the benefits of preparing some meals in advance. 

Conversely, though suffering physically, I am not depressed by this: I knew my respite wouldn't last forever. But oh how wonderful it was to have some spoons and to be able to go a whole day without a nana nap!

We Fibromites in regards to spoons and flares, are definitely babies in cradles swinging from the tree tops. We know that at any time the bough can break and we will come tumbling down. 

But it's best if we just learn to go with the flow and try to enjoy the respite: the bough might not break for ages, but you never do know.

It's calling my name!

Today is a mild day weather wise. We are sitting on 20C with mild winds and no storm activity. I am sitting here wondering why I have no spoons and am lacking the energy even to have a shower.

Fibromyalgia is a mystery to me. Just as I think I have it worked out, a new or worsened flare springs me unawares, and I find myself unable to think clearly. Even my eyes have trouble focussing today, so pacing myself's not going to work.

There's much to do here as well because I have been in a flare for a few days now. I am even too tired and sore to follow any lists at all. Except Thursdays' List. All one does on Thursdays is rest. I think I will have to treat today as a Thursday. Which is the beauty of Lists: you can exchange days to accommodate how you feel....

There's a few things I must do today:

1. Cook a beef stew in the slow cooker
2. Rest

The first one is done and the second is a work in progress. I feel no false guilt anymore.  It's the only way I can get over this flare. Otherwise tomorrow will be just like today where it's all too much. 

For today, rest is my own prescription to get well. Besides, I can hear my bed: it's calling my name! 

Grace and mercy starts with us!

When I have prolonged flares of my fibromyalgia, like at the moment, I often lapse into depression. Often this is brought on by false guilt and grief for the way my life is now and comparing how it was prior to fibro.

In order to avoid going into the Pit of Despair, I have to recognise that I am not only under physical attack with my illness, but spiritual attack. If the evil one can get me to listen to my thoughts of defeat, self-condemnation, grief and sadness, then he has won. He has ruined my day.

It is at times like these that I have to put on the Armour of God and after that to then bring these negative thoughts into the captivity of Christ. I need to remember that God loves me no matter how fast I spin my wheel.

And this is a BIGGIE: God only requires that I love Him with my whole heart, mind and soul, that I love justice and mercy and that I walk humbly with Him. It's nothing to do with limitations brought on by illness or disability or our lack of energy to do things.

It's never been a case of what I have done or do, but rather what He has done. We don't earn our salvation: it's a free Gift.

So in line with this, is the fact that we survive solely on Grace. God's Grace towards us is unfathomable. But do we impart grace to ourselves when we live as chronically ill women?

We are called to love mercy, but are we being merciful to ourselves when we are incapacitated with chronic illness? Listening to negative thoughts is not showing mercy or grace to ourselves.

We need to remember that we are still walking humbly with God, even if that walk is with a walking stick, frame or wheelchair. For we walk by faith- and in God's Sight, there is no mobility aid or even disability. We are walking in the Spirit, and that is a priceless thing that is eternal.

Therefore, as God loves us where we are at, let us lay aside the lies of the evil one and fix our gaze on God and His promises to us.

We may or may not be healed before He takes us Home, but whether we live in health or not: we are the LORD'S. Let's remember that, especially when we are in our worst flare, and be gracious and merciful to ourselves. Grace and mercy starts with us!


© Glenys Robyn Hicks


He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

What I wouldn't give for a good sleep

Last night was a fizzer regarding sleeping. No matter how I positioned myself, sleep eluded me most of the night. I have woken up this morning so sore and tired that I don't know what to do with myself.

From twenty odd years of suffering from fibromyalgia, I know that today is going to be a wipe out. So I will be pacing myself and only doing the bare minimum of chores.

Yesterday I felt like this, but we had waited a week to see a new doctor and we had to go see him. He was good and seems to know his stuff. We have a few baseline blood tests to get done before we see him again next week.

We are into cooler weather with a top of 28C predicted. I have washed two loads of clothes and am too tired to hang it out. Sometimes you have to compromise when you have chronic illness. Sometimes you win, most time it does! 

I shopped online for groceries yesterday: the Woolworths delivery man is due soon... I am saving my few spoons to put the shopping away and mark it off the shopping list as received...

Things on my to do list today:

1. Put the food away
2. Cook my homemade pasta sauce in the slow cooker for spaghetti bolognaise tonight
3. Rest

That will have to do for today as I am having trouble keeping awake. What I wouldn't give for a good sleep!