I refuse to stay in the Pit of Despair!

 

Depression is often related to one having a sense of loss to something dear to them. In my case I am grieving the loss of my adult children's affection and the feeling that to them I am already dead. I have been tossed out like an old shoe.

Second is the fact that they aren't very nice people and I suspect that one way or the other, I have failed as a mum...

So I had a time of prayer and during that I felt that as far as mothering goes, how they now act as adults is not my fault. I know now that God knows I did bring them all up in the faith and they were taught to be honest and decent people.

I have now decided that I will not stress about not seeing my new great granddaughter or even grandchildren...  it is pointless to bond with them when I wont probably see them... I will not waste my last few years waiting for a word from them or even acknowledgement that I exist... if they cared, they would call 

So now I am going to move forward and enjoy as much as possible those who do love me and want me in their life... 

The hardest lesson I think was to realise that my love for them is not reciprocated and I am not  important or valued much in their life at all. It's a bitter pill but once taken, it helps alleviate the grief of unrequited love... 

So I am going to move forward and start thinking of positive things, like Chris and those in my family who do love me...  

Another lesson was that even though I have no expectation of a relationship and have pulled back to stop hurting, it does not mean I don't love them... it just has to be from afar as they are toxic to me. At this stage of my life, I just need peace. And that doesn't mean  I am selfish...

I refuse to stay in the Pit of Despair!

 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth. Psalm 71:9

Thinking on those things that are good

 

How you think is how you live... and when life is tough, thinking on those things that are good, and pure will influence if you are just surviving or thriving! 

It is so easy to think negatively about your experiences but it will definitely help you in coming out of the Pit of Despair. 

It's easy to become entrapped in that Pit but it is difficult to free onself. But it's not impossible.

Keeping close to the LORD through reading the Word, praying and worshiping is key to overcoming morbid introspection, overthinking, discouragement and sadness.

With God's help, we are to bring negative thoughts in to the captivity of Christ by the renewing of our mind. And of course, that begins with thoughts we are thinking...

By being immersed in the Word and prayer, we will learn what thoughts are from God or what are from the evil one. We know thoughts that lead us to better ourselves and repentance, can help us overcome sadness are become godly. And of course, we know which ones are not- for they do the opposite.

We can learn that the Holy Spirit will convict us of any sin and lead us into repentance and joy in our salvation. Consequently, we learn that the evil one condemns us and leads us further into self-condemnation and grief and anguish.

Our whole life and enjoyment in it come from closeness to God, discernment of godly repentance opposed to condemnation and keeping our thoughts in the captivity of Christ.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

 

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. -Philippians 4:8

Whatsoever things

 

As I got older, I became morose and sad.  My good years were behind me.  Chronic illness overtook my and I resented it so much.  It turned inward and made me sink into a depression.  

I overcame this by deciding to accept my limitations and to love myself enough to rest, eat well and be grateful for the very fact that I was still alive.  

I didn't want to stay in the Pit of Despair, so I gave all my anger and sadness to the LORD.  I decided to look at whatsoever things were lovely, and to count my blessings.. 

This helped me recover spiritually and emotionally. I didn't realise how much my self talk and negativity had brought me down.

If you want to fly, you have to release your burdens so they don't weigh you down,  so tell the LORD about it, for it is He Who will release you and help you fly.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8

I'm my own worst enemy!

When I have no spoons or motivation to do housework, I often watch Youtube videos of people cleaning their home. Sometimes it works and I feel that I can get something done.

This can sometimes go against me because often the videos are of women half my age, with no disabilities and therefore no need to worry about spoons or flares or having to take a nana nap.

They seem to be cleaning houses that are already immaculate and they make it look so easy. Their homes outshine mine in every way, and so does their appearance. It can make me more depressed if I am in a flare of fibromyalgia, trying to get motivated to clean and teetering at the edge of the Pit of Despair. 

So I have to take Chris's advice and remember that I am an older woman with chronic health issues and try not to compare myself with them. But the desire to kindle a spark of motivation is strong and I find myself gravitating to those videos like a moth to a flame. And often it only makes me feel worse!

Sometimes, I think I'm my own worst enemy! 

Having patience with yourself

  

Lately, I have realised that one of the reasons for my high blood pressure is probably in the way I stress about not being able to do what I want due to fibromyalgia.

Although I know that I am not to blame for being ill, I sometimes find myself berating myself and feeling cross that I am a lame duck. It really gets to me at times.

Often I succumb to false guilt, the guilt that comes from matters that are not in my control, and it is easy to go to the Pit of Despair. You do not want to go there.

On rare occasions, I burst into tears and it is then that Chris usually comes to my rescue, pointing out that it's not my fault, that whatever needs to be done can wait or he promises that he will do it...

It made me think that sometimes I am my own worst enemy. By self-condemnation, I am making a sad situation worse for myself.

When I realised that it was my thinking that makes me get so down sometimes, I smiled at the irony: usually I am trying to validate my tiredness and pain to "normals"- those who do not live with chronic pain and no spoons. Now the "normals" are validating me.

So today, after cleaning my kitchen and making lunch, I am going to "the beach" again. I am going to relax and only get up again when it is time to cook tea.

I am going to start to speak to myself as I would speak to someone else who was ill and blaming themselves: lovingly and kindly. Which just doesn't come naturally to me. I have patience with everyone except myself.

Hanging on by a thread revisited

We chronically ill women always have times when we feel that we are barely holding it all together. We are literally becoming unravelled and we feel like we are hanging on by a thread.

Flares, unrelenting pain, immeasurable fatigue, depression and lack of restorative sleep can all add to the feeling that we can't go on. Even breathing seems like an effort.

It is in those times that we must reach out to God and ask Him to give us the strength to get through each day- or especially the night which seems the longest when we long to sleep but can't.

We need to try to listen to the Word or put on some Christian worship music, and give ourselves over to relaxing as much as is possible for someone in the grip of pain or depression. But we have to focus on something positive, or else we will be getting a one way to the Pit of Despair. We don't want to go there.

By focusing on something positive, we can actually release endorphins, those chemicals that reduce pain and increase a feeling of well-being. 

Reaching out to God during these times is critical to our staying in control emotionally. But we must do it, in faith.

If the woman with the issue of blood hadn't reached out to Jesus by touching the hem of His garment, she would not have been healed.

I am not necessarily saying that you will get healed, even though it is possible of course. But you will be lifted up to a higher level of coping with it all.

Worship and praising God whilst suffering is the most exquisitely beautiful act of trust and reverence. It will lift us up and set the enemy of our souls to flight.

So, next time you are feeling you are hanging by a thread, make sure it's the hem of Christ's garment.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And suddenly, a woman who had a flow of blood for twelve years came from behind and touched the hem of His garment. Matthew 9.20

Bother to lift us up and not tear us down

It amazes me how many people are uninformed about something yet feel compelled to give an opinion or advice about it.

When I got fibromyalgia everyone told me it was in my head. I pushed myself physically to get through it but the emotional toll was so bad. Guilt. Failure. Self loathing. Exacerbation of it all. In the end it was all for nothing: fibromyalgia is real.

How one talks to a chronically ill person is important as often they can take those words and apply it to themself, even if that person really doesn't understand about their illness.

Quite often speaking erroneously and negatively can damage a person so much that they actually feel worse. Those words have the propensity to cause so much emotionally destructive thoughts that cripple a person worse than the disease or ailment they suffer does.

Unsolicited advice such as starting exercising, dieting, positive thinking, all sound great for most maladies, but alas, not so great for chronic illness such as heart failure, osteoporosis, spinal stenosis, lupus and fibromyalgia.

Taking this on board for the person already grieving for their lost health can lead a person straight to the Pit of Despair. And it achieves nothing.

A little kindness would go a long way to helping the chronically ill retain self respect and accept their illness quicker. But most times those who give advice are anything but kind, sounding judgmental and arrogant. Which just expounds on how truly unhelpful they really are- or try to be.

Being kind and gentle to those suffering is Christ's way- so if you think you have enough knowledge and love to impart some wisdom and instruction to a chronically ill person- do so gently and kindly.

God Himself knows we have enough to contend with already as we walk the sad and lonely path of illness. We need less words and more acts that impart sympathy and compassion.

Pray for us and comfort us and be one of the few who bother to lift us up and not tear us down.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks 

And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick. Matthew 14:14

We have gone mad!

It may seem strange to some, but even in the worst pain, you will find me playing Candy Crush in an effort to distract my mind from the pain.

The rheumatologist suggested to my daughter who suffers from fibromyalgia and pain post chemo, to use it as a distraction from the pain. She was one of these mind over matters kind of doctors. We were not very optimistic to be honest.

As a sufferer of not only fibromyalgia but ankylosing spondylitis, spinal canal stenosis coupled with bad arthitis and angina, I thought it may help me. It helps a little. But Tramadol would be better!

My doctor won't let me have them. Even though he knows I only take them as required for high pain days like today.   He gave it to me when my second knee tore and it helped my fibro pain so much. Then he closed shop!  

I  know there have  been many who abused pain-killers but when  basic pain relief is available only with a chemist's approval such as Panadol with codeine, it makes life more difficult for the person like myself,  to get any relief at all. 

With fibro flaring and another episode of polymyalgia rheumatica, I have been tempted to take some of my Prednisolone, but I am worried about the side effects. I tell you truly, I am feeling desperate.

So even though you may see me playing Candy Crush or online a lot, I can honestly say that it's for  medicinal purposes. I will be a Candy Crush addict any day if it will relieve the pain.

Just don't tell the do-gooders. If they think we are liable to become addicts, they'll make FB take it off their site! You fellow pain sufferers know they will. We have gone mad in our correctness!

When you're hanging on by a thread

We chronically ill women always have times when we feel that we are barely holding it all together. We are literally becoming unravelled and we feel like we are hanging on by a thread.

Flares, unrelenting pain, immeasurable fatigue, depression and lack of restorative sleep can all add to the feeling that we can't go on. Even breathing seems like an effort.

It is in those times that we must reach out to God and ask Him to give us the strength to get through each day- or especially the night which seems the longest when we long to sleep but can't.

We need to try to listen to the Word or put on some Christian worship music, and give ourselves over to relaxing as much as is possible for someone in the grip of pain or depression. But we have to focus on something positive, or else we will be getting a one way to the Pit of Despair. We don't want to go there.

By focusing on something positive, we can actually release endorphins, those chemicals that reduce pain and increase a feeling of well-being. 

Reaching out to God during these times is critical to our staying in control emotionally. But we must do it, in faith.

If the woman with the issue of blood hadn't reached out to Jesus by touching the hem of His garment, she would not have been healed.

I am not necessarily saying that you will get healed, even though it is possible of course. But you will be lifted up to a higher level of coping with it all.

Worship and praising God whilst suffering is the most exquisitely beautiful act of trust and reverence. It will lift us up and set the enemy of our souls to flight.

So, next time you are feeling you are hanging by a thread, make sure it's the hem of Christ's garment.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And suddenly, a woman who had a flow of blood for twelve years came from behind and touched the hem of His garment. Matthew 9.20

I am not "normal"

We chronically ill women try so hard to do "normal" things. Like look well. Be cheerful. Be patient. Kind. Hospitable.

Our family and marriage are our first priority after God. We try so hard to spin our wheel not fast- but at a "normal" pace. By "normal", we compare ourselves to those who do not suffer from chronic illness and pain. Or are disabled.

We are very careful to keep serving our family but sometimes with the illness that afflicts us: we fail. This often gets to us and causes us to sink into depression.

Being unable to process that we simply can't act as "normals", we often berate ourselves and sink into the Pit of Despair. 

We are often judged by "normal" standards, as we simply cannot attend certain social functions like before. If we do, the pain and effort can make us tense and we can make us appear moody unsociable grumps aka the death head at the feast. 

If only "normals" would realise that we are pushing ourselves every day to live a life that not even closely is "normal" like in the days before our health failed. We get so adept at doing this, that we have become quite good at wearing masks to cover the Mask Of Pain. Hence the appearance of being in a mood. 

My fibromyalgia and other health issues have now made it impossible for me to disguise, and I have learned to acknowledge this to people and tell them in advance that my attendance or action or whatever is totally subject to how I am on any given day.

Basically, I have had to pander to angina, spinal problems, fibromyalgia, polymyalgia rheumatica, and submit to tyrannical spoons by being totally flexible about my appointments and so on.

People may still misjudge me but that is not my problem. I just pray that the LORD will allow them to see that I am not lazy or unsociable, but am just a chronically ill woman who finds just breathing some days enough effort.

The LORD knows I am not well, but people take a lot more convincing. I am not "normal".

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks    

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;  Colossians 3:12

Into Your Hand, my Father!

 

I have not been writing for some time now. I have had health problems and my husband, Chris has also had serious health issues.

Life has been extremely hard and I found myself in the Pit of Despair. This time it took a long time to get back to normality, but praise God, I did.

World events, financial problems, family issues and fear of losing Chris all compounded to make me panic and become afraid. I was feeling at the end of my rope.

Finally, I went to my study, closed the door and broke down in front of the LORD. I came to Him as a child, terribly afraid and trusting Him to work it all out as a child does to its' father.

It was a time to repent of trying to work out things that weren't my business. When Christ was coming for us was a main concern. Fear for loved ones who weren't saved or who I wasn't sure were.

Feelings of failure and concerns of lack of ability to witness and serve God ensnared my mind. It was a time to surrender it all and lay it at the cross.

Lifting my hands up towards Heaven, I told God that I was afraid and I was immediately wrapped in a cloak of warmth and love that banished my fears and dried my tears.

I surrendered my fears and trying to work things out, to Him. I stopped fretting about things and prayed instead.

I visualised handing my fears to Him and holding His Hand...

I focussed on whatsoever things were good according to Philippians 4:8 and I regained my peace.

In surrender, I purposely became as a child and trusted God as my Father. If you really really trust God, there is no room for fear. Perfect love casts out fear. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

I now surround myself in worship music, prayer and reading the scriptures. I refuse to delve into matters that are God's alone- and He alone has broad enough shoulders to bear all things- I certainly haven't.

When I feel myself being afraid now, I place my hand in His and just allow Him to be my Father. I don't have to know everything, just trust Him. 

With all that is happening in my life at the moment, I say this phrase many times each day with wonderful peace resulting- "Into Your Hand, my Father!"

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8

A discipline worth fighting for.

Next month I will turn 68 and in all honesty, it has been a bumpy ride. All manner of tribulations, trials and hurts have been interspersed with blessings, wonder, tears of joy and love.

Like most people, I realise that time has passed by very quickly. It seemed I blinked from the time of being a young bride to now being the grandmother of the bride!

Birthdays don't phase me, in fact I celebrate each one joyfully, in spite of the fact that my physical life is a painful symphony of noisy ailments that clash in a discordant cacophony that threaten my mental health.

It's so easy to succumb to depression when one has a constant string of painful ailments to vie with each other to be Conductor of the piece. I battle them constantly. 

I struggle to have the vicissitudes of life as salubrious as possible: I want to live my life well and not simply endure it. I know now how fast life passes us by and how precious every moment is.

Years ago, I realised I can go either way: try to be grateful and be happier or whine all the time and resent my life and be miserable. I choose to be grateful which is harder- but it has hope in it. 

To be honest, sometimes these overlap and I find myself whining just after feeling grateful and I have to bring my thoughts into the captivity of Christ...  however, in general, I try to be upbeat and positive. No mean feat with fibromyalgia, heart and spinal problems.

Gratefulness is a discipline worth cultivating in order to live our life well. Gratefulness will enhance our life and help us overcome our health trials.

It takes practice, it takes prayer, it takes self control- but it is a discipline worth the effort in order to have a good life albeit a painful one.

Every moment of every day equates to our life and it is imperative that we try to focus on anything that is positive, good, noble and right. If we don't, we will be miserable as well as in pain.

Gratefulness is  difficult to practise, and positivity is sometimes impossible, but in order to look over our life at the end of the day,and acknowledge that it is good, it is a discipline worth fighting for.

 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8

Dying for a hug

 

Ever since childhood, I have been a person who loves close contact. I needed to be loved, but sadly that was something that I longed for, but never received as a child, then as a young adult.

Now nearly 70 years old, I have been diagnosed with depression, post traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder and fibromyalgia, to which there is a link with childhood abuse. 

Like trying to lose weight after taking medications for hyothyroidism, my current happy marriage and constant hugs and demonstrative affection, has not been able to erradicate the damage that was done in my childhood.

Open affection was something denied to me until I left my abusive husband after 25 years of hell and met Chris. During the 4 years between leaving my ex husband and meeting and marrying Chris, I felt so very alone.

I was never alone, not even in the womb, and being solo was strange and difficult for me. I was enveloped by a loneliness that draped itself around my shoulders like a wet soggy cloak of despair.

The only physical contact I had was at church, where we passed the peace, hugged our friends and received a chaste kiss on the cheek. I lived for that brief time every week.

I have read of an experiment that denied newborns affection, and each of the babies died. Perhaps this lack of affection was something that effected adults too. I know it was a big part in my becoming pregnant at 16, taken in by a man who told me he loved me. He started his abuse as soon as the ink dried on the marriage certificate and still continued (long distance) even after the ink dried on the divorce papers.

It is a blessing that Chris knows all my past and understands me, for even today I cannot bear to be outside at night. This is due to the fact that we often had to vacate our warm beds in the early hours of the morning with Dad chasing us in a drunken state, throwing beer bottles at us as we fled. Once it gets night, I feel anxious if I am not home and settled.

I am talking to you about this not for pity but a warning that hugs, kisses, cuddles, affectionate voices and other demonstrations of love is critical for a child's development. To give a child a happy childhood peppered with demonstrations of love and oodles of hugs is the best thing you can give them- more important than expensive toys.

During this enforced staying at home, let's make an effort to be demonstrative in our affections. Let's hug our children often, hold hands with our husband and nurture the need for touch and feeling loved.

"But what if my husband is not the affectionate sort?" you ask. Love him anyway, even if he is surprised by it. It will benefit not only your marriage, but your children. And who knows, you might even find that underneath the hesitation to show affection, he is starved for it, and is dying for a hug.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Titus 2:4-5 “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Sometimes healing's in the meds

There was a time when I fought taking medicines. It was at a time when the sermons were about what you say is what you get. Claiming your healing in Jesus' Name and getting healed: if you didn't, you lacked the faith to make it so. I now believe that this is unbalanced teaching and do not follow it. However, at the time it made me feel very guilty about taking my medicine.

I do believe that God heals today. And I do believe that faith can make you well. But I have lived long enough with chronic illness to know that this doesn't happen all the time and that most times our prayer should be "if it is Thy will, please heal me!" Faith teachings often miss the fact that God is God! His Will may not be an immediate healing...I don't know why: I just know that I must accept my health as being in His Will. To struggle against this is to make yourself worse through faulty and negative thinking. We are called to walk in faith, not by sight.

In those years, I felt extremely guilty because I suffered from depression that was caused by a chemical imbalance. I tried many times to come off my tablets, usually after a healing crusade, and I fell- straight into the Pit of Despair. This fall often required more medication than before to get me to the place of health I was in when I thought I had been healed. And it took many many weeks of feeling awful before they kicked in again. Not a good place to be.

As I grew in my faith and relinquished my health to the LORD, I acquired many more medications. All of them are vitally important to keep my heart functioning, my blood pressure normal, my blood thin, my cholesterol down, to prevent my kidneys from making kidney stones and to regulate my under active thyroid. Not to mention other things to keep my eyes from drying out and to minimise the pain of fibromyalgia and back problems and to reduce the gastric acid that some medications cause. And of course, the anti-depressants to normalise my neuro-transmitters.

Once I would have held these tablets in my hand and fought taking them. Not any more. I now adopt a spirit of gratitude as I take my medications, for without them I would not be alive for very long. I feel that my medications are a gift from God to allow me to love and serve Him a little longer here and now. Life is after all, God's Will and I am grateful for each new day.

I believe that God gave man the ability to make medications and that ensuring a better quality of life is in God's Will. For Christ came to give us abundant life. Laying in a sick bed with angina and pain is not an abundant life.

I would urge you to have a rethink about your medicines if you have been told that they aren't in God's Will for you. Try to adopt a glad and grateful attitude as you take them. Rejoice that you live in a place in the world where they are available and be glad. Joy and life are in the Will of God, or else why would we see Christ healing many ill and afflicted people? He told us He came to do the Will of His Father!

May you be well, no matter what it takes and may we bless the LORD together for His goodness to us!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him. Acts 10:38

Grace and mercy starts with us!

When I have prolonged flares of my fibromyalgia, like at the moment, I often lapse into depression. Often this is brought on by false guilt and grief for the way my life is now and comparing how it was prior to fibro.

In order to avoid going into the Pit of Despair, I have to recognise that I am not only under physical attack with my illness, but spiritual attack. If the evil one can get me to listen to my thoughts of defeat, self-condemnation, grief and sadness, then he has won. He has ruined my day.

It is at times like these that I have to put on the Armour of God and after that to then bring these negative thoughts into the captivity of Christ. I need to remember that God loves me no matter how fast I spin my wheel.

And this is a BIGGIE: God only requires that I love Him with my whole heart, mind and soul, that I love justice and mercy and that I walk humbly with Him. It's nothing to do with limitations brought on by illness or disability or our lack of energy to do things.

It's never been a case of what I have done or do, but rather what He has done. We don't earn our salvation: it's a free Gift.

So in line with this, is the fact that we survive solely on Grace. God's Grace towards us is unfathomable. But do we impart grace to ourselves when we live as chronically ill women?

We are called to love mercy, but are we being merciful to ourselves when we are incapacitated with chronic illness? Listening to negative thoughts is not showing mercy or grace to ourselves.

We need to remember that we are still walking humbly with God, even if that walk is with a walking stick, frame or wheelchair. For we walk by faith- and in God's Sight, there is no mobility aid or even disability. We are walking in the Spirit, and that is a priceless thing that is eternal.

Therefore, as God loves us where we are at, let us lay aside the lies of the evil one and fix our gaze on God and His promises to us.

We may or may not be healed before He takes us Home, but whether we live in health or not: we are the LORD'S. Let's remember that, especially when we are in our worst flare, and be gracious and merciful to ourselves. Grace and mercy starts with us!


© Glenys Robyn Hicks


He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

Telling it to our cat

As you probably know, we are in the process of finding a new rental to live in. We are currently living in a fifth wheeler, but I have torn my meniscus again and I cannot handle the seven steps to get in and out. I am practically housebound.

My mother passed away a year ago and I must say that I am still feeling her loss keenly. Coupled with my meniscus tear, exacerbated spinal pain because of the bed and stairs and pulled arm muscles from heaving myself up the three steps from the first level to the bedroom and ensuite, I have the Mother of all fibromyalgia flares with arthritis to boot. It has been one continuous flare since we moved in here four months ago.

My depression is compounded by the chronic pain which is constant and I have gained even more weight as I cannot move much. I am close to the Pit of Despair and something that happened yesterday didn't help me much either...

We had to go food shopping yesterday. Chris was bringing the groceries up into the fiver and I was slowly plodding my way towards the steps. A woman who has a caravan near us spoke to Chris then came up to me and offered me her hand as I painfully managed the stairs. I was so grateful and heartened that she bothered to help me. Not many people make the effort. 

At the halfway point wherein the flyscreen door swings out and one has to push it aside, I let go of her hand. I was telling her of the reason we were selling the fiver. At last I made it inside and I turned round to thank her, mid-sentence. She wasn't even there but I could see her almost at her caravan.

My feelings did a downward spiral as I realised I had been talking to myself and I felt again the loneliness of the chronically ill and disabled. From a fleeting feeling of respect and validation, I felt disrespected and my problems considered minor or of no consequence. The chronically ill or disabled will understand what I am speaking about.

We don't ask for constant validation and never ending compassion. We know that the "normals" who don't experience the pain and inconvenience of disease and disability, can't empathise, just sympathise. But what we do ask is that we be heard, respected and validated.  Nothing compounds our physical pain as much as being ignored, made fun of or marginalised. This is important to us..

The "normals" can even help prevent a trip to the Pit of Despair by showing a bit of interest and compassion to us, so please don't be like our neighbour in the caravan park who didn't want to know. 

I am not minimising the power of prayer, and we should pray and talk to the LORD, but we need another listening ear sometimes, but often people don't want to hear us and for all the good it does, we might just as well tell it to our cat. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

A letter for parents of prodigals

My husband and I have experienced the reality of knowing, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth” 3 John 4 Our two daughters professed Christ at an early age, witnessed in their schools, traveled on mission trips, and embarked into adult life with a passion for Christ. Our family life has been built around joy and laughter; and even through the teen years, we enjoyed close family times backpacking and ministering together here and abroad. The girls have been characterized as leaders, constantly encouraging and challenging those around them to live their Christian beliefs.

It always brought us great joy knowing that our children were walking in the truth. Then one bought into a lie. Now we see the flip side to the above verse; there is no greater sorrow than seeing your children walk in a lie. Since our daughter’s ungodly choices, we have grieved for the loss of our close family relationships, for our witness in our community and family, over the eventual consequences of her decisions, and even grieved that God would allow this to happen.

Our joy, peace, energy, and focus have been drained and replaced with despair, anger, fatigue and distraction. We have been plagued by questions. How could this happen? What should we do? What would influence her? How should we respond? Our close family was thrown into crisis; joy turned to sorrow, and lies twisted truth. The parable of the prodigal son has become a real and personal journey with a precious, yet prodigal, daughter.

At one point in this heavy journey, I had a mental picture of us facing our prodigal daughter, she standing with her back to us. We were pleading and begging for her to turn around, listen to God’s Word, and recognize the lies. Then the focus shifted and God was standing behind me, my back turned to Him, and He was calling me to turn around and to recognize the lies. God was trying to get my attention while I was trying to get my daughter’s attention. Her lies were different from mine, but nonetheless I had also been ensnared by lies. God was pleading with me to recognize and accept His truth in my own life.

God’s truth needs to be sorted from the enemy’s lies.

I cannot allow my daughter’s actions to define me, but I can, through God’s help, allow them to refine me. Through godly counsel and His Word, the truth is being sifted from the enemy’s subtle and pervasive lies. The refinement process is not complete, but I have identified, examined, and discarded the following lies:

Lie #1: What if?

The enemy loves to get us into the “what if” or blame game. What if I had been more persuasive? What if I had counseled her with more studied words? What if I had been more discerning? What if I had just been a better mom? I was consumed with analyzing every nuance over the past years, reviewing my interactions, and questioning my role as both mother and wife.

My analytical thoughts became paralyzing and I spiraled downward into a pit of remorse and inadequacy. Slowly through the slime, I began to see that it is not all about me. My eloquence or lack of it, my parenting skills or lack of them, will not ultimately change a heart. That is the Holy Spirit’s job. I can be obedient to God’s direction. I can do the best I can in parenting and counseling. But the ultimate work is God’s. My pleas will not bring a prodigal into right thinking, right living, or right decisions.

Our daughter made this choice in spite of Scripture, godly models, and counsel, and she will also reap the consequences of her choice. Ezekiel 18:20 reminds us that “…the son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.” I can neither accept the blame nor take the credit. The “what ifs” must cease because they are not from God.

Lie #2: If you parent well enough, your child will not make ungodly choices.

When my daughter turned away from her firm foundation, I questioned how this could happen to my family. Subconsciously and incorrectly, I presumed that Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” guaranteed a child’s godly choices. The Lord showed me, through my own heartache, that I have wrongly judged others and their parenting ability. I thought if someone had a child not walking with the Lord, it was always a direct reflection on their parenting skills. Now on the other side with a wayward daughter, I realize the lie and repent of my judgment of others. Godly parenting does not guarantee a godly child.

Lie #3: My prodigal adult child disqualifies me for ministry.

One of the qualifications listed in 1 Tim. 3:4 for an overseer is to “manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.” This does not refer to adult children. But Satan wants to fuel our insecurities, have us focus on our inadequacies, and cripple our ministries. Instead of stepping out of ministry, we should step up to be used by God. The more open and transparent we are in our parenting journey, the more dependent we are on Him for strength, and the more opportunities there will be for us to minister.

During the painful times of answering concerned inquires about our daughter, has emerged a new openness for those sharing similar burdens. One embarrassing instance of addressing pointed questions at a neighborhood party resulted in a phenomenal opportunity to share God’s truth. Leadership is not about being perfect individuals. It is about being humbly obedient and available. Transparency and vulnerability can make us better servant ministers.

Lie #4: God is powerless to intervene.

Somewhere in this extended battle, I crossed the line from believing God would not act to believing God could not act. I fell prey to the lie that God could not change our daughter’s mind or way. My personal systematic theology had me spinning in circles around God’s sovereignty and the free will of man. The Lord had chosen to not answer my fervent prayers to radically intervene in our daughter’s life. Since faith and hope are intricately entwined, I was hopeless.

My view of God was too small. I do not understand how God’s sovereignty and free will work, but I have become convinced that God is so much bigger than we can ever imagine. He can and will intervene if He so chooses. This mom needs to trust more, worry less, and stop trying to figure everything out. He is God and I am not! My God, our God, is a God of hope that fills us with all joy and peace as we trust in Him (Rom. 15:13), and He is more than able to do great things.

This mother’s journey in parenting a prodigal is far from over. The hurt and sadness are still very real and close. But as the Lord has revealed the insidiousness of the enemy’s lies, the burden has become more manageable. Now I can focus on what I am learning and not on what my daughter should be learning. This was reiterated during a recent visit. We were scheduled to rendezvous with our precious prodigal after church.

The sermon was unexpectedly all too relevant: “Grace Demands a Death.” The pastor pointed out that if we are to extend grace, as Christ did, we must also experience death. As parents, we need to die to our dreams, our desires, and our expectations for our children. We need to love them unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. Still stirred from this poignant message, we exited the church building and saw our daughter standing on the far side of the parking lot.

My husband ran to our cold, stiff daughter, standing sullenly by the car, and wrapped her in a warm, loving hug. That was our best visit to date! My hope has been renewed; He is restoring my soul. Like Habakkuk, I will wait and keep watch from the ramparts to see what the Lord will do. God is in control and He loves us and our prodigals dearly. author unknown

I didn't write this article, but as a mother of a prodigal, I found this article very truthful and helpful. To all parents of prodigals I say, "Don't look inward, behind or forward- just keep looking up! And remember that Jesus loves your child as much as you do!"

Blessings, Glenys

“Bear one another burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ” Galatians 6:2

Confessions of a sick housewife

As you probably know, I am trying to cope with heart problems, arthritis, fibromyalgia and back problems. That should be enough to cope with, but added to that, we are moving house tomorrow to become grey nomads and travel round Australia.  But right now,  I am totally exhausted!

Furthermore, as I packed stuff and cleaned the house, I was appalled at how dirty our home had become! In fact, I cried! I would be totally ashamed to sit at my kitchen table to share a cuppa with you with the state it has gotten in. As I scrubbed my stove top and cleaned my oven, it occurred to me that I had no right writing posts about homemaking when my home was so dirty! This realisation coupled with fatigue sent me in a downward spiral which the Evil One was only too happy to escort me to.

Seeking to refresh my lagging spirits, I listened to the Word on CD as I cleaned and I cried out to the LORD. Literally cried. Although I felt no physical refreshment, the Word ministered to my spirit. I felt amazingly and unconditionally loved and I can't say I heard the LORD, but I did receive a definite feeling of understanding and compassion in my spirit. This came as 'self-talk' but it was not from my self. You just know when God has spoken to your spirit. He always encourages you even when chastising, and even in chastisement, there is always a way out and a hope! This never comes from the Evil One!

I felt that I was being too hard on myself, given the circumstances of my ill health. I questioned if what I write is true, and it is. It is something that I aspire to, try to achieve and totally believe. The fact that I cannot achieve this at the moment is irrelevant. My heart and spirit are in the exhortations that I write. Therefore, I am not a hypocrite. You have got to believe me when I say that this ministered to me so much, that I felt the weight of false guilt just roll off my shoulders.

I am battling so many things right now. Including fear of the future, death, worsening health issues and pain.  I do so desire you to uphold me in your prayers and not to think too badly of me as I confess these shortcomings to you.....

I am sorry that I have disappointed some of you with this confession..... sometimes things get on top of me! Thank you to those of you who are praying for me. Perhaps it was these prayers that have led me back from The Pit.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Hebrews 12:8

Resting in the promises of God

When we are constantly bombarded with health problems and in constant pain, it is very easy to fall into the self-pity trap. We feel nobody understands us or that nobody cares and we can't live as we want. This makes us feel overwhelmed and we go down straight into the Pit of Despair.

Anyone who suffers chronic pain knows that the Pit of Despair is a real place that seeks to keep its guests captive. It is a very hard place to be in and a hard place to leave.

Once we have arrived at the Pit of Despair, we find that we have packed extra suitcases of Sorrow that we didn't realise we had packed. We knew that we had Sadness, False Guilt, Anger, Resentment and Disappointment on board in the luggage department, but we usually are surprised to find Desperation, Disbelief, Doubt and Denial have hitched a ride in our bags as well.

As the doorman greets us and the bags are carried up to our rooms, we feel sure we hear evil laughter in the background....

We can be sure that the Evil One delights in our arrival, for he knows that sooner or later, he will be able to torment us with doubts about his greatest enemy, God. He will torment us with thoughts that will shake us to the very core. For he knows that in times of trouble, we need to cling to Jesus.

By our arrival at the Pit of Despair, Satan knows that we are prime targets for Desperation, Disbelief, Doubt and Denial of the most extreme order: attacks on our Spirit and belief in Christ- doubts even whether God loves us and even if He has saved us.

To be sure, those thoughts have come fleetingly prior to entering the Pit of Despair, indeed, they have helped to lure us there. It is just a matter of time before those thoughts are so well entertained there that they threaten to overwhelm us in their intensity. For in times of trouble, where else can a Christian go than to the LORD? If Satan can get us to feel alone and that God doesn't care, then we are at the Pit's doorstep!

To avoid going to the Pit of Despair, it is imperative that we cling close to Jesus on a daily basis. Even when illness precludes bible reading or even listening to scripture, we should have enough of the Word inside of us to remember and to use against the Evil One. For we know that no matter what: God is for us and loves us!

We must put on the armour as described in Ephesians so that we can withstand the darts of the Evil One. And we must do this on a daily basis so that in the time of trouble, we WILL stand!

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

How does one get out of the Pit of Despair? you ask. By taking our thoughts captive and choosing to walk by faith and not by sight. Therefore [we are] always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: (For we walk by faith, not by sight:) 2 Corinthians 5:6-7

We must stand firm on the foundation of Christ Who loves us in spite of what our emotions are telling us. Emotions can and do lie. We have to learn to stand of the firm and solid foundation of the Word and not the sinking sands of emotion.

I know this sounds simplistic and as a fellow sufferer who has periodically visited the Pit of Despair, I know how easy it is to let your guard down and succumb to despair. But having been there, I can tell you that you can find your way out, but only with storing the Word in your heart to guard your mind and heart in times of trouble.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

The Pit of Despair has its doors open 24/7...it is a place that no one wants to visit. Don't unintentionally start packing your suitcases by allowing self-pitying thoughts control you! Make sure that you don't go there, stay close to the LORD, immerse yourself in the Word and prayer...that in the time of trouble, instead of finding yourself unsure of your place in Christ's affections, you will run to Him as a child to its father. You have His Word and promise to you that He will be there waiting for you, His Child. That's a Promise!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. Romans 8:15 For thou hast been a shelter for me, [and] a strong tower from the enemy. Psalm 61:3 The name of the LORD [is] a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe. Proverbs 18:10