I am on fire with pain. Literally from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I don't believe I am being punished for my sin. Jesus took that for me...
But I do believe that we live in a fallen world and I am genetically weak with many inherited maladies from both sides of my parentage.
At nearly 73, I am unravelling. It is just the facts.. my body is failing me. I am in agony and I cannot get medications that will successfully keep the pain at bearable limits. This is because some who abuse opioids have closed the door on help for everyone who truly needs it.
They don't believe that I need pain relief, but here is a brief description of my pain in mostly every area of my body.
My head: PMR temple pain and headache. TMJ causing jaw pain and earache. Fibro brain fog.My neck: Polymyalgia rhuematica pain (PMR) Hashimoto's disease.My skin: psoriasis and rash on shins from lymphedema of left legMy shoulders: fibromyalgia and PMR muscle pain. Lymphedema in my right arm (from the angiogram)My heart: angina, costrocondritis. Hole in the heart. Ongoing IHDMy blood: antiphospholilipid syndrome. (Sticky blood)My lungs: pulmonary hypertension. Only my left one working.My stomach: gastroparisis, GERD. Navel hernia repair done with mesh which is tearing away from fleshMy pancreas: failing due to diabetes 2My kidneys: failing and dropping- currently 56 Makers of 50+ kidney stonesMy arms: muscle pain with tearing ligament pain.My hands: deformed from osteoarthritis. Trigger finger on left pointer finger.My back & hips: PMR, fibromyalgia, spinal canal stenosis, ankylosing spondylitis, Scheurrmanns disease. No lower discs left. CoccydyniaMy knees: lymphedema, ligaments torn and a fabella in the right knee. Arthritis.My legs: fluid from heart disease and lymphedema.My feet: arthritis, peripheral neuropathy from diabetes, heel spurs
Each day brings more pain. The level fluctuates, but it never goes. And I am still treated like a drug abuser when I ask for pain relief- and this is all verifiable by medical tests.
In fact, the only "help" I have gotten is through a pain management clinic where I was told to play Candy Crush to keep my mind off it. It is a joke.
In spite of all this, I have had comfort from the LORD. He has helped me to seek truth and set the evil one to flight in moments of doubt. It is easy to wonder if one is being punished during a trial of pain and illness.
Sometimes I haven't even been able to formulate prayers and yet He has calmed my heart and made His Presence felt in giving me a peace.
He has led me to rest in Him, allowing me to drift into a sleep that has seen me restored and refreshed enough to cope during even the most painful of episodes.
His Holy Spirit has reminded me that this too will pass and that Jesus is preparing for me a place of eternal joy and health. And that the suffering I have now will fade in the beauty of His Presence and Holiness where nothing will cause tears and pain and where there is no death.
I have truly felt His Love for me wrap itself around me like a cloak of protection and ownership.
Sometimes He will bring a song of praise or worship to mind, and I will praise Him in spite of it all. For He is worthy.
Through illness and pain, I have felt a Father's concern and love and I have held on to His Promise that He will not leave me comfortless and will come to me..
The pain is relentless, but so is God's Love and Presence.
It is true: I am not alone. I am comforted.
I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. John 14:18
