Giving in is not giving up!

Yesterday I came to the realisation that my fibromyalgia is not going to get any better. Nor is my diabetes, hole in the heart, back pain, angina, asthma or torn meniscus. 

My blood sugars are also high, but not as high as Chris's, but it is a warning to me as well. I certainly do not want to go through what Chris is going through with trying to get the right amount of insulin and the horrid symptoms he endures.

My hole in the heart means my right lung is not oxygenating properly and because I need a fourth stent which I have refused (another story), I have constant stable angina. And asthma on exertion.

My blood pressure is high as the pain from my back and torn meniscus in my knee is bad. Finally, with Chris being ill now, my depression is back. I hurt when he is hurting.

Like any Sacrificial Home Keeper, I am trying to keep my home clean and tidy and here I too am failing. I see no end to it...

I was talking to my twin sister yesterday and she said that it is possible to get a bit of subsidised home help through the Australian Government's Age Care plan. So I applied and am going to be assessed tomorrow. I am eligible, as I am now 67 and my husband is 70  and is unable to do housework with me.

I can do some housework if it is waist level: dishes, cooking, washing, dusting. But I cannot even sweep let alone vacuum or wash my floors, as my tendons and muscles scream for mercy with my fibromyalgia and my back joins in sympathy, followed by angina and asthma. So basically I need someone to clean my floors and to change our bed.

As a woman who has been a house keeper since 1969 and brought up five children, it really galls me that I have to admit that I cannot maintain my own home by myself anymore. 

So, I am giving in trying to keep up like before when I was well. But I still will be doing meal planning, grocery shopping (online),  cooking, cleaning my kitchen including dishes, bill paying and budgeting, washing, ironing as needed, refilling prescriptions, social planning and gift buying, looking after Xena our cat, and most importantly, looking after Chris's and my health.

In saying I am giving in trying to be strong like before, I am not giving up: one way or another, my home will be clean! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent. Psalm 71:9

I'll just leave this here


Most nights I don't remember my dreams unless they are nightmares. But last night I dreamt that the Rapture was imminent and I was approaching strangers, asking them if they knew Jesus as their Saviour.

It wasn't scary by any means, but I felt all the angst, as I desperately tried to present the Good News of salvation to people. The urgency was intense.

I woke up hyperventilating and took a trip to the bathroom. When I returned to bed, I was sure that I wouldn't dream about it again. But I did. 

The second time was more urgent than the first time, and I was rapidly presenting the path of salvation to someone and was desperate that they be saved.

When I woke from the second dream, I prayed and asked the LORD what did all this mean and if it meant something that I needed to do, then let me know and I would do it.

It was no mistake that I got a link to a You Tube vlog of  the imminence of the Rapture and all the prophecies that are being fulfilled daily now. Time is short.

I had my answer- and so, to whoever is sitting on the fence, get saved now.  You do not want to spend eternity in hell and Jesus is the only way of salvation.

Because of the intensity and realism of the dream, I feel compelled to reach out and talk to you. You need to be saved because there isn't much time. Jesus is coming back for His church- the believers.

The world is going to be in a horrible state after this and you do not want to be left behind. God loves you- all of you who are still on the fence. I don't know you, but He does. He wants you to trust Him.

Whoever is sitting thinking about the future, know that the future is Hell if you are unsaved, but eternal life and joy in Christ for those who are saved-and you need to make a decision to trust Him and get saved now. The Age of Grace is nearly over.

Jesus knows who you are and you know where you stand in this matter. I have heeded my dream and done as I must.  I'll just leave this here.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:  John 1:25

Dying for a hug


Ever since childhood, I have been a person who loves close contact. I needed to be loved, but sadly that was something that I longed for, but never received as a child, then as a young adult.

Now nearly 70 years old, I have been diagnosed with depression, post traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder and fibromyalgia, to which there is a link with childhood abuse. 

Like trying to lose weight after taking medications for hyothyroidism, my current happy marriage and constant hugs and demonstrative affection, has not been able to erradicate the damage that was done in my childhood.

Open affection was something denied to me until I left my abusive husband after 25 years of hell and met Chris. During the 4 years between leaving my ex husband and meeting and marrying Chris, I felt so very alone.

I was never alone, not even in the womb, and being solo was strange and difficult for me. I was enveloped by a loneliness that draped itself around my shoulders like a wet soggy cloak of despair.

The only physical contact I had was at church, where we passed the peace, hugged our friends and received a chaste kiss on the cheek. I lived for that brief time every week.

I have read of an experiment that denied newborns affection, and each of the babies died. Perhaps this lack of affection was something that effected adults too. I know it was a big part in my becoming pregnant at 16, taken in by a man who told me he loved me. He started his abuse as soon as the ink dried on the marriage certificate and still continued (long distance) even after the ink dried on the divorce papers.

It is a blessing that Chris knows all my past and understands me, for even today I cannot bear to be outside at night. This is due to the fact that we often had to vacate our warm beds in the early hours of the morning with Dad chasing us in a drunken state, throwing beer bottles at us as we fled. Once it gets night, I feel anxious if I am not home and settled.

I am talking to you about this not for pity but a warning that hugs, kisses, cuddles, affectionate voices and other demonstrations of love is critical for a child's development. To give a child a happy childhood peppered with demonstrations of love and oodles of hugs is the best thing you can give them- more important than expensive toys.

During this enforced staying at home, let's make an effort to be demonstrative in our affections. Let's hug our children often, hold hands with our husband and nurture the need for touch and feeling loved.

"But what if my husband is not the affectionate sort?" you ask. Love him anyway, even if he is surprised by it. It will benefit not only your marriage, but your children. And who knows, you might even find that underneath the hesitation to show affection, he is starved for it, and is dying for a hug.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Titus 2:4-5 “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Loveliness is all around us


I love this painting as it reminds me of our little country home. We too have a little stream at the back of our house and we like to sit in the yard watching the birds and listening to the water.

If the weather is cold, I find our couch is like the beach- with the afternoon sun coming in and the sliding door open, we can hear the stream bubbling and the birds calling and it feels exactly like being on the beach.

With all that is happening in the world today, I find it is even more important than ever to dwell on things that are good, pretty or helpful. It takes effort to find good things, but it can be done.

I like to play worship music in the background and I love to be grateful for what I do have. I keep in touch with my family via FB or phone and this helps keep my spirits up.

We try not to watch too much news and I have started limiting my time on FaceBook because a lot of the things there are not uplifting.

With fibromyalgia rearing its ugly head again in a massive flare, I find that I have to search harder for beauty and staying upbeat.

Prayer is a very big part of a Christian's life, and I find that by praying about things definitely helps my mental as well as spiritual health.

In spite of ill health and happenings in the world, it is important to train your thoughts into looking for the good in the world and dwelling on them.

All my life, I have loved Philippians 4:8 which speaks of focusing on whatsoever things are good. It is my life verse and over 40 years of loving Christ, it has been a real Godsend. 

Take a look around you at all the lovely things: in spite of a troubled world, there is still loveliness around us.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8

Thoughts of Home

I was just being obedient to what my parents saw in me. I was more interested in the things the women in my family, my mom, grandmother and aunt were all about: homemaking and cooking and housekeeping. I wanted to be a housewife and mom.
Gladys Knight

There are practical little things in housekeeping which no man really understands.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Housekeeping ain't no joke Louisa M Alcott

A home in which the housewife sheds tears will be bereft of all prosperity. This is the ancient conception of the role of women in the home. Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Being a housewife and a mother is the biggest job in the world, but if it doesn't interest you, don't do it - I would have made a terrible mother. Katharine Hepburn

I love my house
And the work it gives to me,
The dear tasks of bringing
Ordered dignity to room and hall
Where the shadow and the whisper
Of my loved ones dwell.
I love the banishing of dust,
The corners square and clean,
The windows clear
As the promise of my future days.
I love the small task
Of mending tears and rips,
Seeing again the joy,
Hearing the swift shout and rush
Of happy, running feet.
I love the clothes clean and sweet again,
Smelling of the sun and wind,
Folded in quiet order to await
More joyous play.
I love my dishes stacked neatly row on row,
Order matching gleaming from the
Chaos of the morning meal-
Sitting solemnly, waiting for the
Renewed communal pleasure
They soon will bring again.
I love my house
And all the work it gives to me
That my soul might grow
With discipline and tempered grace.

Source: June 1958 RS Magazine

"The curse of the LORD [is] in the house of the wicked: but he blesseth the habitation of the just" Proverbs 3:33

Circles of her life.

I love this painting by Miriam Escofet of her own mother. She seems to be reflecting my own feelings of awareness of how fleeting life is. She is in tune with the present and seems to be lost in memories.

Perhaps she is feeling nostalgic, missing the noisy chatter of children and grandchildren at breakfasts past as she sits alone at table, finger tracing the circle of her cup.

Like her cup, her mind goes round in circles as she remembers years of meals and late night cuppas shared with her husband as they discuss news du jour and their children. Or waited for them to come home.

With years of devotion to her family and endless prayer, she raised her brood and was matriarch and beloved wife- yet now that busy life has come full circle and she sits at tea alone. 

No calls to see how she is going, no cards to remember her on Mother's Day- her endless love and bountiful giving now return to her void- a lonely circle.

Her sharp mind continues, her kind heart endures, but her body once strong now too has come full circle as her strength disappears.

She sees no one now and her love and wisdom is rejected by those who themselves were very wanted, and who started their own life in the nurturing circle of her womb.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent. Psalm 71:9

Put it away!

I was shopping recently and I was horrified by the way a lot of young mothers-to-be dress over here. They wear skin-tight jeans that do up under the bump and then top it with a skin-tight tee-shirt and look like an Easter egg. So tight you can almost see the little one moving. Another lass waddled past with a crop top on which left the whole stomach exposed. She sure got a lot of looks, but not the kind she was hoping for, I'm sure.

I asked myself- am I old-fashioned? No! Is the pregnant belly something I despise or am offended by? Again, NO! I guess I am offended by the whole immodesty of the girls. Men and women alike were turning round to catch another look, obviously horrified. And the lasses smiling happily and rubbing their bumps didn't decrease the shocked looks. Where have all the pretty maternity tops and dresses gone?

Children are a blessing of the LORD and pregnancy is a wonderful part of a womans’ life, but there should be a line of modesty in public that ensures that a womans’ tummy is covered. We can rejoice in a new life coming without being privy to a mothers’ uncovered body.  Glorious as the pregnant form is, I wish they would put it away!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Moreover the LORD saith, Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing [as] they go, and making a tinkling with their feet:  Isaiah 3:16

Check Karen out !

My friend, Karen is a Christian lady who suffers from chronic pain. Check out this latest vlog. It is so comforting. Check out the rest of her vlogs and maybe subscribe like I have...

Sure dwelling places

Have you ever sat in your home and been grateful for the security of your home and the softness of your sofa?

Outside the winds blow coldly and the rain falls and people scurry around with masked faces and tension permeates the world.

Some are under restrictions of a curfew during the night hours as a pestilence brews and seeks to encompass all.

But inside our home, all is calm. The fire glows brightly and a meal bubbles on the stove enticing family members to dine at a well set table.

The drapes are drawn and the lamps are lit and peace reigns in the homes of God's people.

In spite of problems in the world, our homes are sanctuaries where we can find the love of family and a refuge from the various storms of trial outside its' walls.

Our home is as God has said: a peaceful sure home in which to dwell.... and we will close our doors in our peaceful dwelling and leave the world outside- an oasis of calm in a troubled world, a place of refuge until the pestilence passes...  

Our home is full of love and trust in God's protection knowing that He has us in the palm of His Hand...

We will be a holy people, in this world, but not of it, a people living in hope and faith and expectation in Christ, and a people perplexed but not forsaken.

Our sure dwelling places are a gift from the LORD and a place of hope and refuge. 

On this foundation we can take our rest each night, grateful for God's provision of a quiet resting place, a refuge from pestilence and a sure dwelling.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places; Isaiah 32:18

Travelling on the path of illness

It's amazing how when you aren't chronically ill how you take so many things for granted. Things like getting in and out of a bath, taking a shower, even toileting when your back is in spasm, bending forward to clean your teeth, standing at the kitchen sink, wiping benches in the kitchen, sweeping the floor or simply bending to pick something up....

It once was an easy task to climb up and down stairs, get on and off trams or buses, walk to the letterbox and push a shopping trolley around the supermarket. Not any more...

Everything we do has to be measured up and spoons metered out before a task is actually done. It certainly impinges on our spontaneity. For us, there usually are lots of ramifications when we have tried to be spontaneous. Pain and more of it!..

Once when we went to bed, we would expect to go straight to sleep, have pleasant dreams and wake up refreshed. Now we often watch the clock go round, drift off if we are lucky and dream of pain as we toss and turn in our sleep, only to wake up feeling like a truck has hit us.

Normals would probably view our hesitancy to do a task as procrastination or laziness, and before becoming a Sacrificial Home Keeper or chronically ill woman, I would have as well... but we simply are adapting to our new normal...

When our illness is invisible like fibromyalgia for instance, we just want to be respected and understood, but inevitably, we are judged. Especially so if we have become overweight because of illness...  it is us who suffer from guilt (false guilt really) that unkind judges of our body put upon us. This invariably leads to depression and overeating in an effort to gain energy to move more, or simply for comfort.

I am just so glad that God knows exactly what is in our heart and understands. He knows our frame and we are loved unconditionally- and this is so comforting to us who only know scathing remarks and criticism in this fallen world we are travelling through on the path of illness.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

The LORD will strengthen him on his bed of illness; You will sustain him on his sickbed. Psalm 41:3

Hanging on for dear life

So my nerves were shot. I had a nervous stomach and acid reflux that burnt the back of my throat. Nightmares held me captive to fear during my sleep and my anxiety levels were sky high.

Like many people in this sad world, I was agonising over Covid 19. Here in Victoria the infection rate is climbing making deaths more commonplace than ever. We are stuck in lockdown with no end in sight, and we are over it.

I have been watching conspiracy theories which seem plausible sometimes, and I have had plenty of time to think. Too much time, actually.

Also, I have been watching Rapture sermons, wanting to understand the signs of Christ's coming for His Church. 

Finally, I could no longer bear those thoughts and realised that I had to repent and change my thinking. I had to bring it into the captivity of Christ. 

Going into my study, I closed the door and confessed that I had let fear get the better of me. I also confessed that I am trying to work everything out: things that don't really concern me...

I have been a Christian for over 39 years now, and I have had to recognise that I will never work out things that are too deep for our mind.

I used to wonder how God is God- how He could be the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end...

how the world was created- was it in 6 literal days, or days that equalled eons..

how the Blood covers sin- what was the significance of blood in sacrifice?

how the miracles occurred..

how Jesus rose from the dead... and exactly where He went when in the tomb for 3 days?

There were many more questions I wanted answers to, like when Christ is coming for us, and I really tried in my limited reasoning to understand...and in doing so, I lost my peace...

Finally, I decided that some things just have to be taken on faith and by trust in God. How God is God and does the miraculous is beyond me. I just have to trust in Him and believe. That's where faith comes in and brings me peace. 

Being faithful and loving God and walking in the Spirit is what God calls me to do- the other stuff, frankly is none of my business.... and like the faith a child, I am going to put my trust in God and His Word.

I am feeling better but you can be sure I will be hanging on to my faith for dear life! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 2 Corinthians 10:5

I will not be laughing!

Those of us who have been Christians for some time have probably been the butt of jokes of unsaved family and friends. We are often openly laughed at and made fun of. It can be depressing as well as humiliating.

Recently when I was clearing out my mother's belongings after she passed, a little plaque my mother had with "God Is Love" on it was passed down from her display cabinet. People who were helping wanted to throw it out into the give away to charity pile. Then one of them started laughing and said, "Sure, He is! huh, who wants this?" (laugh laugh)- then she said, "Oh give it to Glenys, she'll take it cos she believes in this sh*t!" Feeling a tad hot faced, I took it and put it in my handbag to take home with me. Their smirks weren't lost on me either! (No fool like an old fool, right?)

Likewise, when cleaning out the bookshelf, they saw the old but well preserved Bible and were going to pitch it out. I hurriedly sprang forward and claimed it, much to their enjoyment. It went alongside my handbag to find its way to my home where it would be put in a place of honour and easily accessed.

Just recently I had an irate family member declare that she won't follow my posts on Face Book because they "are too religious" and she "doesn't think it's right to have it up on Face Book". However, I would prefer to see them than her endless selfies and pictures of her rather prominently displayed bust.  Come to think of it, maybe this was the reason my estranged brother unfriended me from his Face Book yesterday. How he describes Christians is unprintable here....

All in all, I sometimes feel that there is a conspiracy amongst unsaved family and friends in keeping our faith at arms length, and any chance to degrade, hurt, ridicule and humiliate us is taken. We are fair game, people. Yet we cannot change our life style, if we truly believe.

If we believe, we will be Christ-like, and to the unsaved, this is a threat. For Christ-likeness shines His light over their darkness, and they are exposed. This is very disconcerting to the person whose heart is far from being saved. But rather than retreat, we must advance and keep being faithful. Who else knows them like we do? Who else but us bearing Christ in us, would want to see them saved? Who would forgive? Who would pray? And yes, even love them?

It's not easy being a Christian today, especially with unsaved family and friends. We will have an extra cross to bear in humiliation, we will have our faith tested and our resolve to be loving will be sorely tried. And if the one who is unsaved and antagonistic to our faith, is our spouse, a sword will pierce through our heart over and over again.

We dare not take this treatment and derision to heart, for if we do, we may never see our loved ones come to Christ. We may not know that the Holy Spirit is wooing that person and that the barbs and derision are coming to the fore because of a spiritual battle within him or her. It often happens like that. No matter what happens, I must forgive and try to forget the laughter at my expense. 

I cannot change who I am now. I am Christ's, Who was also laughed at as He was whipped and stripped and refused to save Himself by coming off the cross. The die is cast for me, my path is clear. I am moving forward in spite of the jests and guffaws. Let them laugh: we'll have the last one!

But I will be praying for them to be saved for the sad thing is that them going to Hell's not funny and I will not be laughing! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And the people stood looking on. But even the rulers with them sneered, saying, “He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is the Christ, the chosen of God.” Luke 23:35