Morning Cuppas With Glenys : dementia

Showing posts with label dementia. Show all posts

When the fog clears, tea's on the list.

Recently I have been having trouble remembering things. At nearly 70, I worry about dementia and think that maybe I am going down that path.

But in talking with people who suffer from fibromyalgia like I do, I realise that fibro brain fog can make one forgetful. Especially during flares.

Having just moved house about 6 weeks ago, I am just starting to recover physically. I have a flare that is pretty constant with no spoons and I do forget things. And words mid sentence.

I don't think me forgetting to order tea in the online grocery order really means I have dementia. I guess fibromyalgia flares can do that.

Looking through Marketplace the other day, someone was selling a bassinette identical to the one I had for my 4 children. It brought back memories like they were only yesterday.

But that didn't make me feel very at ease about my forgetfulness because dementia robs one of short term memory. But then so does fibromyalgia.

Considering all my previous times of brain fog during a flare, and my subsequent good memory, I surmised that it was not dementia, but brain fog from said flare.

I believe when the flare abates, and the fog clears, I will remember the tea in next week's shopping list.

Big Brother has got us covered

My twin sister has lupus but she has no mental impairment with it. The other day, she received a letter from the Australian Government body called Aged Care. They informed her that she was to attend a meeting of a panel of health care professionals who would discuss her ability to stay in her own home. The final decision would be taken by them and not including her, and would involve her moving into a nursing home. This in spite of sharing a home with my son as her carer.

Shocked, she rang them and said not to bother. She didn't want their help. I am also getting Home Help from the same Body and I rang to cancel my records with them. They said they could make my record inactive which meant no one can access them, but as they became property of the Commonwealth of Australia, they couldn't be deleted.

I got them to make mine and Chris's records with Aged Care inactive and my sister did the same. It means that I no longer am eligible for Home Help and I am now paying privately to have a cleaner once a fortnight. It is a small price to pay in my opinion.

We cannot get over the high handed methods used by the Australian government in denying a client in their Aged Care plan their right to make decisions in their own life when there are no problems with that client's acuity.

When important decisions have to be made, Chris and I will consider all our options and cover it in prayer for guidance. We will not let some strangers take it out of our hands.

Sadly, Australia is now becoming an authoritarian regime and Big Brother has got us covered.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone. Psalm 71.9

Thank You, God for forgiving me!

My mother died of dementia two years ago. My brother lived with her all his life, so when she became ill, he became her carer.

Just before it finally became necessary for her to go into a nursing home, my brother had a severe heart attack and so Mum came to stay with us while he was in hospital.

I remember this chapter of my life so well, and it is a shameful time for me and one I regret. Forgiven, yes, but I can't forget the way I treated her during that week.

We had just moved into a new rented home and we were extremely stressed. Mum was missing my brother and was concerned about him. Every five minutes she would ask if I would ring the hospital and enquire about him. I would tell her that we already rang and they said he was resting comfortably after having a stent put in.

I reassured Mum that as soon as he was allowed visitors, we would take her to visit him.Which we did. But still she fretted and wanted to go see him. After a while, it got very wearying.

The room where Mum was staying in had a holland blind that had chains for putting up or down, and when I took a cup of tea into her, I noticed the blind edge at the bottom had been pulled off.

Not even unpacked yet, I was upset that already we had damaged a new house. I realised that Mum had pulled it down instead of using the chain tracking. When I asked her if she had done it, she declared it wasn't her- it just broke. She was like a little child found with her hand in the cookie jar. To my shame, I was less than gracious to her.

She was on medication for a urinary tract infection and half an hour after I gave her her tablets, she said she felt nauseous. I quickly ran to the laundry and grabbed a bucket for her, but she shouted at me that she was not going to use that... and promptly started gagging.

I quickly guided her to the nearby toilet and lifted the seat up for her, but she refused to vomit into the toilet and in fact swung her head from side to side, projectile vomiting all over the walls and floor.

It was all so unnecessary, and as I cleaned her up and then cleaned up the toilet, I did so in a bad humour. I asked her how hard was it to use the bucket I had brought to her and pointed out the awful mess that I had to clean... and as my fibromyalgia was bad and my spoons scarce, I was very ticked off with her and having to clean it up.

Mum hung her head, and said quietly, "Well I used to clean up after you!" It brought me undone. I cried and held her and told her I loved her. It was a good hour before I could stop crying as I saw Mum as she was- a woman in a child's body, scared of what was happening to her and scared of me!

Later, we were at the table and I was trying to coax Mum to eat. She was a stubborn woman with a will of iron, and as I cut her bread and butter up to make egg soldiers, I realised that she was losing her battle fast. Her body no longer knew how to eat. The long goodbye was getting shorter. She was dying!

I cried before the LORD when I was in the bathroom, torn between grief and guilt for losing my temper with Mum. I had never done that before or since, but I stayed there until I felt calm again and purposed to be kinder to her.

Fortunately for Mum, she had forgotten that I had been cross and happily did a tour of inspection of the new house, holding my hand in case she got lost. She didn't know how to get back to her room or kitchen.

Although Mum had forgotten about it, I hadn't and to this day, I still feel ashamed of my lack of patience. I know God has forgiven me, and graciously arranged that when she passed, she was holding my hand and peaceful. It was healing for me and good for her.

Even so, there are times when I am grieving for her that I wish I could live that day again. I would be much nicer and kinder. Thank You, God for forgiving me!

Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent. Psalm 71:9

A new chapter

Chris and I have always wanted to travel around Australia. Now in our late sixties, our children are all grown, our grandchildren also are older and we now have no aged parents to care for. The stage is set. It is our time.

As you may recall, my mother lost her battle with dementia last December and in the fullness of time, her money from her house sale cleared. She graciously left me enough money to buy our rig and truck and now the time has come to leave for sunny shores. Or in our case, coastline.

So, we have almost finished closing up our rented house. We have either sold or given away most of our stuff and we are almost ready.

I am a little anxious but looking forward to this nomadic lifestyle. I have never done this before. Chris tells me that our life won't change too dramatically. I will still be writing. I will miss going to church, but will take steps to have church at home.

I know God is in this with us, and He remains our Saviour and Friend. We will be carrying Him in our hearts and minds to whomever He places in our path.

Whatever changes there are, I am still looking forward to this new chapter in our lives.

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: forthe Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9

Aging doesn't bother me!

Today is my 66th birthday and I am not phased at getting older. I do not get depressed about aging, but I do sense a certain urgency to live better and to make sure that I do not waste something that is irreplaceable and of great value - time!

It's sometimes tradition on birthdays to evaluate your life.... What have I achieved in nearly seven decades of living? What do I want to achieve? Where is my life heading? What things are key in my life in regards to importance and eternity? What changes can I make to live better and cherish that which I do hold dear? Quite a lot to think on really.

As I sit and reflect, I know that I have to make some changes in my life as regards growing closer to the LORD, and memorising scripture better. I have to seriously build myself up physically as well whilst trimming a lot of excess avoir du pois off my truly small frame.

I realise that I can only make changes by repenting of a lot of negative thinking and attitudes that have gathered like moss on a stone. And by clinging to the LORD, for I know that without Him as the foundation, I can achieve nothing of eternal value.

One thing to reflect on is one that makes me content. I am basically living a good Christian life. I found that out when I was misdiagnosed with a terminal dementia like disease 11 years ago. You have got to believe me when I say that a person who believes they are dying questions what is important in their life and tries to make amends where it is lacking! I didn't have to change anything! I believe our sanctification is ongoing...I am far from perfect and there are some weeds in my garden that need to be pulled. I have far to go in some things..

Yes, today is a day for reflection as well as thanks for the great gift of life! And I can rejoice, because aging doesn't bother me! Not having enough breath to blow out all my candles? Yes, I think that bothers me more! ~smile

So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom. Psalm 90:12

God is good all the time!

Recently my mother lost her battle with dementia. I would like to reflect and share on the LORD'S goodness to both her and myself in her passing...

Mum was a busy no nonsense sort of woman and for one reason or another, she *never* once told me she loved me. It was something she had told others, but not me. All my life, I was known as "The Other One" and felt that Mum only loved my twin sister and not me...

I wondered what was different about me that she didn't tell me and unfortunately it coloured my self-image into a blue haze of self-doubt. I felt unworthy and unloved in general... except for my Chris that is...

Mum battled dementia for years and she finally lost that battle a week ago. We were called to her bedside for our final farewells. During the first few hours Mum was semi conscious and aware enough to clean her mouth out with the cotton buds provided and tell them a resounding No!.when they tried to do it for her.. She reached out to us and touched our arms or face. Then gradually she worsened into a struggle for each breath and morphine was administered....

She loved us near her and those of us who were able came to see her off, but eventually it was just my granddaughter, Ash and myself there. I held Mum close and told her we were all here, just as she wanted. I told her I wasn't going anywhere and I stroked her face and held her hand. She was breathing so shallowly that I thought she had passed but a nurse came in and said not quite yet....

Looking at the skeletal face and shrunken hardworking hands, I stood up and kissed her forehead and prayed for God to give her His peace and to take her gently Home, and being in pain with my back from so much standing, I went to sit down again. Suddenly Mum called out quite strongly, "Stay!" So I immediately went back to her and told her I wasn't going anywhere and kissed her and held her as tightly as I could without hurting her frail body. She stared at me and said, "I love you!"

She never took her eyes off me again, but stared straight ahead but the nurses said she was still hanging on, but barely. I got up again and I told her she was the best mummy anyone could want. I told her she was such a tired girl and it was OK to rest. Her eyes flickered and then stayed still. Ten minutes later she was confirmed as having passed...

I am grieving Mum's loss even though I am glad she's free at last and Home with the LORD. However, I am overwhelmed with equally healing emotions and gratitude that God allowed me to be there holding Mum's hand and comforting her in her last moments...

I am amazed that He allowed her to rally enough to say that which ended the pain of feeling unloved. I am grateful for that time together, when I was recognised as me, not The Other One.

God is good. All the time. His mercy endures forever.