Just recently I have been going through some difficult and emotional times! Not only has my fibromyalgia flared, causing me pain and fatigue through not sleeping soundly and my heart has been paining me, but I have had to contend with hot flushes and the roller coaster of feminine hormones both rising and waning- mostly waning I suspect!I know I am not the only woman on earth to go through this stage of life- but I can only write about how it has effected me- anything else is hearsay and observation! The curious thing is that I thought I left Menopause City behind, but as I walk through the Path of Life, I have been confronted with another sign post that tells me I am still in the boundaries of the City.Today, for example, Chris and I were having a coffee and cinnamon bun at our shopping Centre…apart from tiredness, I was feeling OK emotionally. A darling little baby girl was in her stroller eating some of her mother’s cinnamon roll and she was making quite a mess of herself. I was captivated by her- she was so cute! As I turned smiling to mention her to Chris, a very pregnant lady walked past me and my mood suddenly spiralled downwards to regret.With intense sadness, the knowledge that pregnancy and motherhood were no longer things which I would enjoy personally, hit me like a blow across the mouth. The realisation that I was not only getting old- but WAS old, took me by surprise and I tried to counteract it’s horrible gripping effect on me by mentioning the delightful baby girl drooling cinnamon icing, to Chris, who was happily sipping his cappacino.To my utter horror, my eyes started to fill up and I could not control the feelings of despair and sadness that threatened to overtake me! As I grabbed a serviette to dab my eyes, and to both of our embarrassment, I started crying into my cinnamon bun! Chris was taken unawares as well and just rubbed my hand.I ran to the ladies restrooms, where I cried for the years of childbearing and mothering that flew by too, too fast!…I cried for the hunger to feel a baby kicking inside me, and to smell that irresistable smell of a new-born baby and to feel the velvet skin of a new blessing against me as I breastfed!Blowing my nose, I battled the jealousy I felt seeing women carrying babies in their wombs and in their baby slings. I battled the feelings of fear of old age and disappearing waist line and loss of my youthful vigour and health. I panicked momentarily as I realised that I was probably 2 thirds through my life already- and I still felt at times like a girl!I flushed the toilet as I waited until the tears abated, hoping to drown them out from the ears of other people. It was a frightening and embarrassing moment! And a puzzling one too! For I “know” I am too old to be a mother..too many health issues too..too fatigued to take on a child 24/7 for the rest of my life…too selfish in a lot of ways now…YET the desires and maternal feelings haven’t died!And now that I have had a cry, thought through the whole thing and had time with the LORD, I feel silly. I suppose I shouldn’t really feel silly…the maternal hormones are a God-given part of being feminine and so too is this season of my life. I just find that sometimes the maternal hormones go on hyperdrive as the childbearing ones wane.How grateful I am that God has given me an understanding husband…one who says he understands even when I don’t. One who passes me a cinnamon bun and a tissue without too many questions….and rubs my hand…it all helps.....
Keep some Kleenex in your handbag!
Letting Him hear your voice!
Mother's Day was last Sunday and I am pleased to report that I heard from all of my children. When I say "heard", two actually rang me and the other two texted me.
Not ours to write
It is said a mother will raise a child for 18 years or so. What is not told you is that with each child, a mother’s heart is fragmented and not only will she give that child a Life Story at birth, but she will also give it her heart forever. Throughout the rest of her life she will be her child’s biggest influence, inscribing values and skills in its Life’s Book.
Every Page of that child’s life will be scrutinized and lived through. Every word, every full-stop measured in feeding progress, weight gain, colic and diaper changes. Every sentence will be measured in her child holding up its head, smiling, grasping and focusing. Each early Chapter will read as accomplishments in teething, crawling, sitting unsupported, first words and walking.
Shortly, a mother will become an avid Reader of the Book of her child’s life and will pore through it with rapt attention. She will often re-read the previous Chapters, seeking reasons for the present Story unfolding in the most recent Page of her child’s sojourn through life. Quite often this will be a fruitless exercise as she cannot re-write the Chapters. However, she will certainly be able to enhance the outcome of future Chapters by passing on her foresight and life skills to her child.
As the Reader and not the Writer of this Book, the mother will find that she becomes absorbed in every Chapter as it unfolds. Often against her will, she will find that she lives every hurt and disappointment, every heart ache, every pain and illness as if it were her own Life’s Story. And often, being a loving mother, she will wish that the sad Chapter was her own and not her child’s….but she is only the Reader.
Every accomplishment, victory, honour or triumph will become personal as a mother reads and lives her child’s Story. Indeed many mothers will find kudos in their children’s unfolding Life Story, especially if that child is successful. However, successful or not, a mother will still remain a loyal and enthusiastic Reader.
It is not unheard of for a mother to question the Writer of this Book whilst at the same time yearning for the Writer’s direction. But try as she might to become the Writer, this is a Book that she cannot write. She can and should, enquire of the Writer for guidance but in doing so, she must accept that the Editor’s decision is final.
It is interesting to note that just as a mother thinks she may be coming to the end of this Read, that she will find there is a Sequel which is just as compelling as the original. This comes in the form of grandchildren. After one glance at the Prologue, she will find herself giving yet more of her heart as her mind relives the first chapter of her own child’s Life Story.
With shaking hands and teary eyes, she will scan the Page eagerly, knowing that she will be a reader of this new child’s Life Story for many chapters to come. And she will undoubtedly thank the Writer as she lovingly fingers the new Page.
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
| He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. Psalm 113:9 |
Damned if you do, damned if you don't
Alas, she was confronted with angry looks and tut tuts from fellow shoppers for smacking him! Almost in tears, she remarked loudly enough for them to hear that she was damned if she did, and damned if she didn't smack him to bring him into line.
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
I have gotten a man!
This gift from the LORD brought her to first know..
Pain mingled with joy which followed to show
A mother's love...
What strength in his grip on her finger he clasped round,
How tiny each feature, how perfect, how flawless-
“ I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.” Genesis 4:1
I refuse to stay in the Pit of Despair!
Depression is often related to one having a sense of loss to something dear to them. In my case I am grieving the loss of my adult children's affection and the feeling that to them I am already dead. I have been tossed out like an old shoe.
Second is the fact that they aren't very nice people and I suspect that one way or the other, I have failed as a mum...
So I had a time of prayer and during that I felt that as far as mothering goes, how they now act as adults is not my fault. I know now that God knows I did bring them all up in the faith and they were taught to be honest and decent people.
I have now decided that I will not stress about not seeing my new great granddaughter or even grandchildren... it is pointless to bond with them when I wont probably see them... I will not waste my last few years waiting for a word from them or even acknowledgement that I exist... if they cared, they would call
So now I am going to move forward and enjoy as much as possible those who do love me and want me in their life...
The hardest lesson I think was to realise that my love for them is not reciprocated and I am not important or valued much in their life at all. It's a bitter pill but once taken, it helps alleviate the grief of unrequited love...
So I am going to move forward and start thinking of positive things, like Chris and those in my family who do love me...
Another lesson was that even though I have no expectation of a relationship and have pulled back to stop hurting, it does not mean I don't love them... it just has to be from afar as they are toxic to me. At this stage of my life, I just need peace. And that doesn't mean I am selfish...
I refuse to stay in the Pit of Despair!
Not everyone's love has grown cold
The global fertility has dropped and therefore can this be an indication that we are in the end days?
I think yes we are, but we still have to live a godly life and not give in to fear.
This is also because generally self is on the throne and children are not considered a blessing.
For some they are a consequence of biological entrapment and are easily gotten rid of.
People use many reasons as an excuse, but most of them go against what God wants for His people.
Feminism has had a big part in turning people off having children and many women have put off motherhood until too late, to become childless and unhappy women.
There's no finer career than being a full time wife and mother and the usual urge to procreate is God-given and sacred.
This sad world needs babies and pregnancy and breast feeding, and booties and prams. Every child is wanted by God and its birthright is to be loved and later on to love.
As long as this world is turning, babies should be cherished and wanted and rocked and loved. For babies are a Gift from our Creator God.
In truth, it seems that what pleases God these days is disregarded and the evil one is having a field day.
The love of many grows cold and sin is increasing, so it can be a sign that we are nearing the end times..
We need to stand firm in our faith and live our life according to godly principles. Making families and bearing children is something that will please God and be an eternal treasure.
Let's keep on keeping on in trust and faith and invest in eternal treasures. Because even in these end days, not everyone's love has grown cold.
I would still sit alone
When I was working in an office about 20 years ago, we would all take our lunch together in the tea room. We ate and chatted and sometimes one particular very self opiniated woman would preside over our talks.
She was very proud of her son who had graduated as a pharmacist and who had his own pharmacy. We saw no harm in that: we would have been proud of his achievements if he was our own son. But one day, she overstepped the mark and upset quite a few women at the table. Myself included.
One of the conversations centred around drug addicts and she declared them all to be a waste of space and definitely would be better off overdosing and dying and getting it over with.
At the time I was a mother of two drug addicted sons who I love dearly and pray for daily with the gut wrenching and desperate prayers that only a mother prays- I took exception to that.
With my stomach turning ill, I picked up my sandwich and took my cup of tea out of the tea room and ate and drank it in my car. She really was too much. I wanted my sons to be delivered and live.
From that day on, I avoided eating my lunch in the tearoom, especially if she was there, but one day I was asked by my boss to make him a coffee, and one of my former lunchtime companions was there.
She asked me directly why I never ate with the women anymore and I told her the truth. I told her that so and so was so hurtful in the things she says and so prideful of her son that she had no consideration that there may be mothers there with prodigal and wayward children who were also drug addicted.
To my surprise, she shared that she too was no longer taking her lunchbreak with so and so because she too had a drug addicted son and it was just too painful to consider that he was better off overdosing.
I said that I was praying for my sons and that I live in fear that they will overdose and I cannot sit and listen to her without feeling sick to the stomach.
She agreed and said that was why she too took her lunchbreak in her car away from her as well. We both agreed that one had to be feeling strong to listen to her raving.
One who doesn't have wayward or prodigal children like so and so had, can not imagine the constant fear when the phone rings that it will be news that her child has indeed overdosed. It gnaws at a mother's heart constantly.
As a Christian, all life is precious and all drug addicts have been enticed by carnal desires and instant gratification and this is something that is very hard to break from. Even with the LORD. Such is the hold from drugs that many have succumbed to their addiction praying for deliverence. And they are saved. They are, because Jesus died for our past, present and future sin. And addiction is sin.
There is hope in Christ and today one of my sons has broken from addiction and can testify that God heard my prayers. I continue to pray for the other who battles with it even while loving the LORD.
To tell me that either of these sons or even your son or daughter who battles drug or alcohol addictions is better off dead is evil. It limits God's ability to heal and deliver us and negates His Blood, and sees only successful humans as worthy of that. None of us are worthy but are sinners saved by Grace.
Nothing has changed my mind about her and people like her: if I turned back the clock, I would still sit alone.
For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. Romans 14:8
There are no unwanted children in God’s sight
How many times have we heard disbelief and dismay of relatives and friends when it is discovered that a new life is on the way? And worse still, how many people have (hopefully only for a moment), thought or worse still, actually voiced that they may very well terminate it? It’s a fact that quite a large percentage of babies weren’t actually planned, but that is only in our thinking. There are no accidents or unwanted children in God’s sight.
Do you know that God blesses us with conception and withholds conception as a punishment?
And again when the house of Abimelech had Sarah, Abraham’s wife in his harem posing as Abraham’s sister, God closed all the wombs in the palace. That was how Abimelech knew something was amiss in his house! Why? Because the blessing of conception was withheld!
God has formed us in the secret place and knits our bodies together.
We are all unique- even identical twins are not identical in every sense. Each person conceived is special in the LORD’S sight! How it must grieve Him when we express shock and dismay at His wonderful gift of conception!
The godly woman will understand that she is being blessed when she discovers a new life is coming- she will welcome children as a gift from the LORD.
But the ungodly often will react quite differently, spurning the blessing and often taking means to reject it! My heart grieves for those blessings disposed of heartlessly when many a woman desperate for a child would be more than willing to bring it up.
God has a purpose and plan for our lives- even known before we are born. To reject the great gift of conception is to reject one of the greatest gifts and blessings that God can bestow on us. For although a child may not fit in with our plans, God can undertake to provide both materially and emotionally for that child. There are absolutely no accidents, no mistakes in timing, no inconveniences in God’s plan!
I have seen women who vowed to reject the gift of conception by terminating it, bond so intensely with the child when it is in their arms, that they give praise to God for the “inconvenience” and bless Him for their child. I also have known countless couples reject their gift of conception by submitting to sterilisation- only to regret it at a later date. Often a reversal does not repair that which was “fixed” when it was not broken. They pay a high price often, for trying to play a role of life-giver or rejecter- a role that is God’s alone!
How precious indeed is the gift of a child, and indeed the gift of conception. May we never take this gift lightly, or reject it or be dismayed! God’s plans and thoughts are so much higher than ours! Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
For God, there are no unwanted children. If only all people would understand that! © Glenys Robyn Hicks |
Nostalgia and regrets
As a great-grandmother, I know the depth of nostalgia and regrets' bite. My mothering days are gone and I regret the many times I was not there for my children due to prolonged hospitalisation due to spinal problems.
Some regrets come from being so busy with the running of the home that I didn't have time to play much with my children.
I think it's so easy to overlook people in our busyness in this fast world. Even our husbands, and particularly our babies.
The time flies and the infant in the crib is suddenly a young adult and driving. Or having babies of their own.
If we don't stop to smell the roses along life's path, or take the time to actually enjoy the people in our life, then when we finally come to a stop, we will have nothing but regrets.
Pictures of those days are lovely, but they do not replace the living in those days. In fact, if the memories aren't there, those pictures can make the nostalgia worse.
Have no regrets in the future by enjoying those around you and try not to allow the vissitudes of life to rob you of quality time with those you love.
Jesus said that each day brings its own worries and that worrying or fussing won't change much.
Love your family now. Nostalgia is very real with regrets coming a close second...
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Thrown out like an old shoe.
It's all good
Just a quick recap of the five areas of service for the Christian woman and wife in order of priority:
- God
- Husband
- Children
- Home
- Church
Because everything is spiritual in our life, I have discovered that when we serve our husbands, we are serving Christ. " Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as is fit in the Lord " Colossians 3:18 "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy" 1 Corinthians 7:14
When we look after our home, we are serving God, our husband and our children. "I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." 1 Timothy 5:14
Serving in church or serving in God's Name is important but should not come before all the other 4 priorities are in order. (widows) " well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work" 1 Timothy 5:10
I have found that often I cannot place a post under just one category because it is so closely correlated to the other categories of service. This is because everything in our lives is spiritual. When we consider the umbrella of God's protection as well, we can see that God's plan for our lives is amazing. We have everything here to guide us as wives, mothers and homemakers. We can be sure that we are living our lives in a way that is pleasing to God and in keeping with His Word.
It is not only comforting to know that God's Word guides us in our daily living, but it is also amazing that we can know with a certainty that God not only approves of us being wives, mothers and homemakers, but that He calls most of us to be that!
If God has called us to be a wife with all that entails, then let us rejoice in His plan for our life. In doing so, we can be partners with God in His greatest creation: people who will love Him and live for eternity with Him! And we will live an abundant life full of blessings as Christ has promised.
© Glenys Robyn Hicks










