We both are spoilt girls

With heart failure and certain blood pressure tablets, my feet and legs puff up with fluid. I have pitting oedema which means that the indent when a finger is pressed on the limb, stays for a long time. My heart is not working as it should.

At the end of the day, when we watch TV together, Chris will automatically reach for my feet and gently massage them, rubbing the fluid upward towards the heart. He also rubs my toes which burn and sting with neuropathy from diabetes.

The other night as Chris rubbed my foot, Xena jumped up onto the couch and lay beside me. Not wanting to miss out on cuddles, she put her paw up on Chris's arm, purring loudly. It was a lovely relaxing time and helped lift our depression. 

Neither Chris or I are doing too well physically at the moment. Chris's sugars are uncontrolled and he has fluid on his lungs from heart failure.

Such is the loving nature of this man that he rubs my feet continually, even when he needs his own done. I do rub his feet and legs at least once a day and when I cut his toe nails for him. But it must be said that his ministrations to me are more frequent than mine to him. I simply have no spoons at the end of the day. 

I manage the house with all that entails and Chris knows that my spoons are in short supply, especially with a fibromyalgia flare, and so he seeks to bring me some comfort and pleasure at the end of the day.

Xena seems to pick up on the loving atmosphere and always makes sure she's between us in order to be included in the cuddles. 

She loves her Daddy too and we consider her as our feline child-and because she loves her Mummy as well, she purrs contentedly as she wonders which one of us is a spoilt girl. We both are spoilt girls.

Rejoice in being a home maker

When a demanding and chaotic world is so overwhelming, and a woman’s role is somewhat confusing, the result is the ‘depressed housewife’. ‘Housewife’ is a term used loosely, since today’s women are much more than simple ‘housewives’, and their contribution to society is so often taken for granted. 

Most women are confused by their role in life. The feminist movement has empowered the woman to achieve corporate success, while the natural yearnings of her soul lead her toward the security, love, and tenderness of a family-life.

How does this confusion affect the average woman? When ten to twenty percent of the general population is depressed at some point in their lives, and this percentage is made up of twice as many women as men, the answer is so obvious that it hurts.

For the past thirty to forty years, women have been fighting for respect and recognition as more than just ‘housewives’. Women are now encouraged from childhood to put away their dolls and get an education. After the education is complete, a family is started and the woman is in pursuit of her career. She soon finds herself praised on one hand for her accomplishments, and persecuted on the other for neglecting her role as a dutiful housewife!

There is also found a handful of women who cannot ignore their desire to experience the traditionally accepted life of a woman. These are the women who devote their lives to nurturing a home and family. Their aspirations are no doubt cherished by their children, and perhaps even their husbands. However, equal disapproval is shot their way by those who view them as inferior, lacking ambition, and possibly even plain old lazy.

How, in the face of these conflicting opinions, is the woman expected to find her niche? How is her soul, the center of her being, expected to be at peace when it is torn so violently in different directions? How can the devastating reality of the ‘depressed housewife’ be overcome? author unknown.

This article expresses a basic struggle of most housewives who have been blinded by feminist views. How does one overcome? Through accepting Gods' Word about our worth as homekeepers and resisting worldly views of worth.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Favour [is] deceitful, and beauty [is] vain: [but] a woman [that] feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30

This too will pass

 

It's been nearly a week without spoons. I have absolutely no energy to speak of and have just been focussing on keeping the clothes washed, kitchen clean and cooking.

I suppose it's my fault. With some recent spoons, I probably overdid it and hence the Flare of Flares. It's sort of predictable with fibromyalgia. But I was hoping to break out of the pain/fatigue cycle. I haven't.

 

The doctor has become concerned about my blood pressure being high 160/90 and has been trying to get me to give myself a once a week injection of a drug that's supposed to help me lose weight as well as keep the sugars low. I don't want it.

My feelings are that once you inject something, you have to put up with any side-effects for another week, unlike oral tablets that you have some control over. You can stop taking them: not so with injections. Yes, you can stop using them but the chemical is in your system for a week.

I am sick enough with the antibiotics I am taking for suspected cellulitis in my leg. They are very rugged and have given me thrush as well. But I need to finish the course to heal my leg.

So because I have an infection, I am listening to my body and taking a nana nap if I need it. And I don't feel guilty for napping.

I am trying to keep upbeat and not stress too much. It's hard for me as Chris is suffering with his heart failure as well.

I know better days must come and that's why I chose the picture above. With prayer and leaning on the LORD, this phrase often comes to mind:  "this too will pass" and it will- eventually. 

The fruits will be there

As a chronically ill woman who truly doesn’t eat much, my weight gain is mainly inactivity and taking Prednisolone and other drugs for depression and polymyalgia rheumatica etc. If I dwelt on weight gain and my consequent obesity, I would be so depressed that I wouldn’t have time to write for the LORD, or feel close to Him. 

Having said that, it is my intention to give my eating to God and ask for His help in making good food choices, and in self control.  I will try to exercise gently by walking and seeking out a swimming pool so that I can exercise without hurting my muscles, back and torn meniscus. It will be a balancing act so as not to bring on a new flare of my fibromyalgia or an angina attack. 

Because obesity can effect our spirit, I would say that we have to bring negative thoughts about our bodies and weight loss in general, into the captivity of Christ and not allow it to distract us from what He has for our life. 

In practice,  healthy weight loss will take time and it will be necessary to be patient with my body as it slowly releases the fat and comes into subjection. For it is going to be a battle: I know that, and it is a battle I simply must win.

In starting each day, I will be asking God for wisdom in what to eat and when. I will be making losing weight a priority after God, one which I know is in His will and that will please Him.

I am expecting a very slow reduction in my BMI, a very slow introduction to movement and a rather rapid new intake of water daily. In return I am expecting a reduction in blood pressure, pain with arthritis, depression, GERD, and lower HBA1 C for my diabetes. I am expecting a reduction in medications. 

Boring subject that it is, nevertheless weight loss is often so depressing and consuming that it can distract us from our relationship with Jesus. In fact, weight loss can become an idol. We must avoid becoming obsessive with it.

A new outlook has taken me to seeing that loving myself enough to lose the weight that is literally killing me is pleasing to God. He wants the best for me. So knowing this, I can rely on help from the Holy Spirit in putting an end to living trapped in a sick and grossly overweight body. 

I have tried diet pills in the past, but they made me anxious, wound up and irritable. I can't take them. Even if I diet and don't lose weight, at least I will know that I have lived trying to look after my body.

Love for God and pleasing Him,  joy in obedience in the journey, peace in being proactive, patience in the struggle, kindness to myself when I stumble, will produce a woman who is feeling better and more able to be kind, good, faithful and gentle, through obedience to God through self-control. After repentance and obedience, the fruits will be there. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

The downside of country life

So  the other night I was going into my bathroom when I noticed this huntsman on the frame near the door. My heart nearly stopped!

Walking into the bathroom, I must have passed close to this horrid spider who could easily have jumped on my head and such is my fear of spiders, it possibly would have killed me in a cardiac event brought on by fear!

Not an overly big spider by huntsman standards, he would have been about 3 inches across. But he was big enough to induce panic in us as we scurried to find a broom and the fly spray!

I didn't want to lose this guy as we wouldn't know where we would find him, so there was a great over use of flyspray and frantic loud bangs of the broom. Suffice it to say, he got a burial at sea!

It is said that they come in pairs, so we were watching everywhere until his mate was found. And she was...

I was in the adjacent laundry and found her sunning herself on the glass panel in the back door. I grabbed my flyspray and went to spray it, but then realised that she was outside the door. She too had to be gone because I didn't want her coming in the house. I'd had enough excitement with her mate's intrusion.

A few sprays of the flyspray had her on the move, and a few heavy thumps of the broom, and she was no longer. Except for food for the birds and ants. 

Indeed, I had to chuckle at how fast I moved, considering my two damaged knees and fibromyalgia. It's marvellous what an adrenaline rush can do for a body! 

Not only did the fear of losing the huntsman to perchance come back to terrorise me, rattle me, but so did realising that I had married a man who refused to rescue me from dangerous wildlife! Such was my expectation of my knight in shining armour! :)

Don't get me wrong: I still love living here in the Australian bush with my liver-lilied Chris,  but snakes and huntsmen are definitely the downside of country life.

When you got no spoons everyone has to help!

So my respite from pain has come to a sorry end. I have been hit with the Mother of all Flares. Just breathing is too much effort and sleep is brief and light. The truck that hit me didn't even stop. 

I have been pacing myself majoring on keeping the dishes and the washing up to date. It hasn't been too difficult really as I have planned in advance for the inevitable fibromyalgia flare that comes after a respite.

Most people who don't suffer from fibromyalgia would call me a pessimist, but we Fibromites know how fickle our body is and how greedy it is for spoons. We never can have enough spoons to say we are energetic. Spoons are energy measures

It's enough to have enough spoons to take a shower some days, and we usually suffer after for it in spite of the pride in ourselves that we made the effort and did it..and the luxurious feeling that being dainty brings.

No, we are realists who accept that our bodies are treacherous. They lure us into a false sense of joy in a seeming abundance of spoons- well enough spoons to make us believe that we can change the sheets, bake a cake, vacuum the lounge room or go shopping. In real life shopping, not just on the computer.

Knowing better really, but delirious in the freedom that a few spoons brings, our joy knows no bounds and we actually dare to live like we did before Fibro claimed our lives, bodies and joy. And we keep living in the moment full of joie de vie until the joy and spoons are gone.  

No, I knew from 20 years experience that my respite from pain would be short-lived and it was.  But because of planning for it, it hasn't seen me in a total mess, overwhelmed with meals and mess.

I had my handmaiden, aka dishwasher and I kept up with the dishes. I did a load of washing a day and I dried it in the dryer. But my greatest life saver was my frozen dinners I have in the freezer. They saved the day.

In all honesty, though I haven't kept the house running smoothly all by myself. I have had to enlist Chris to help me with stacking and unstacking the dishwasher and I asked him to put his own clean clothes away as soon as they came out of the dryer.

He has been really good actually- a blessing really. He also encourages me to take a nana nap, and feeling so fatigued and sore, I am so glad. We all need a hand when we are feeling so wretched and when you got no spoons everyone has to help! 

We don't want to live without it

I read a statement today that said, "I don't want to be a part of a world where being kind is a weakness!" I have found in my life that people equate kindness with weakness and nothing can be further from the truth. Sometimes being kind to someone is an internal battle that strives with the urge to treat that person as we have been treated: unkindly. 

Kindness is an attribute of God and is a fruit of the Spirit, and as such, is highly regarded by Him. Being kind is something we should all aspire to be as Christians. And it often requires being strong in spirit. It means being forgiving. Loving. Selfless. Sacrificial. It includes purity of heart, mind and speech. It imparts grace. 

The King James Bible speaks of kindness 43 times, and from that one can see the importance of being kind in all its' aspects. Many verses exhort us to be kind and they extol kindness's virtues. 

Choose to be  kind even if that person doesn't deserve it, because that is what God has done for us all: saved and unsaved. That takes strength and prayer. Be kind. Because a world without kindness is a world none of us would really want to live in.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks   

 

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;  Colossians 3:12

Christ is there to carry us

There's no doubt that we are in the end times and that the world is getting darker. It is harder to be a Christian than it was even twenty years ago.

We are not being killed like our brothers and sisters in Christ overseas,  but we are in a place where our freedom of speech and freedom in general is being curtailed.

Often the butt of jokes and criticised for our faith, we are likened to children who believe in a fantasy: a God Who cares deeply for us is a stumbling block to many.

Workers can be dismissed for mentioning Jesus (although it is fine if they are using His Name as a curseword) and in some countries nurses have been dismissed for praying for a patient or simply wearing a cross around their neck...

We of all people are most misjudged and vilified by the world. When we stand up to society about matters that go against God such as same sex marriage, abortion and infanticide, we are told we are judgemental, unloving and biggotted.

What can we do? We can stand firm. Even if we can't stand physically, spiritually we stand firm. Our foundation is the Blood of Christ and His Word.

We live a life of faith and we aspire to be more Christ-like daily. We pray for ourselves, others and the world that it comes to a saving knowledge of God.

In our daily living, we stand firm in our convictions, no matter what the cost. This can be so difficult.

Shining our light in a dark world is never easy, but we must continue to shine. We must win the lost through our example, and our example should be Jesus.

Many have fallen away and backslidden. We must pray for them and pray daily for our own strength and commitment to Christ to stay firm.

It is imperative that we Christians, able bodied or not, stand firm. And we can. We have the Rock to cling to and the firm foundation of His Word.  

Allowing God to save our eternal soul gives us hope and faith, even when we feel we cannot stand-because we know that in the moment we fall, Christ is there to carry us.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.  Matthew 10:22

You just don't know when it will break.

 

Over the last week I have been enjoying a respite from fibromyalgia pain and fatigue. I don't know why it happened, but of course I am glad it did.

During that time I have been busy cooking meals in advance for the next time I have the inevitable flare. It has been working out really well.

I have been carefully pacing myself, allowing 15 minutes of decluttering then resting. Emotionally, it's very satisfying.

Well, I woke up this Sunday morning and have had an unwelcome guest: you guessed it: another fibromyalgia flare. So I guess that I overdid it..So today I will be reaping the benefits of preparing some meals in advance. 

Conversely, though suffering physically, I am not depressed by this: I knew my respite wouldn't last forever. But oh how wonderful it was to have some spoons and to be able to go a whole day without a nana nap!

We Fibromites in regards to spoons and flares, are definitely babies in cradles swinging from the tree tops. We know that at any time the bough can break and we will come tumbling down. 

But it's best if we just learn to go with the flow and try to enjoy the respite: the bough might not break for ages, but you never do know.

Sex isn't everything.

This picture reminds me of Chris and I in the kitchen... I often can be washing the dishes and he will come behind me for a cuddle.. I still blush and giggle like a school girl!  I usually go weak at the knees when he kisses the back of my neck, and I turn around and kiss him passionately.  Finally, we break away, breathless with romance and laughter!  Most times, he then pitches in and helps me finish washing up.

This little dalliance of ours to us is quite romantic and that coupled with the fact that Chris helps me with the dishes, makes me feel nurtured and happy- it doesn't take a lot for me! Which is good, because money is short for a lot of flowers and chocolates.

We do go out together for meals whenever we can salt away a little money.  Nothing too expensive, but we bring our own ambiance!  Just looking into each others' eyes and holding hands over the table reminds us of our early days together and keeps us focused on each other.  Truly, we do adore each other.

Because money is in short supply, and because we constantly laugh together and cuddle often, we feel that special occasions such as Christmas, birthdays and Valentines' Day aren't necessary to show affection and love. We in fact, do not buy gifts for these for each other. And it is perfectly fine with us. We do, however look at our wedding photos and reminisce a lot on our anniversary or any other date significant to us...

I think it may be the fact that we are an older married couple that makes it easier to see romance in ways that younger couples don't.  With age and fibromyalgia and heart and back problems and Chris with his diabetes, sex is either umcomfortable or impossible. So both Chris and I look forward to a bubble bath at home with a good back wash and nail trims or a foot or back massage.  We do that for each other on a regular basis. To us, nurture is romance!

Chris loves me bringing his breakfast into him in the morning. This to him is romantic and although his not buying me presents and sending me cards may seem that he is an unromantic man, nothing could be further from the truth.  He sings to me! We have some special songs that he says were written just for us, and he will play them on the computer, and take me in his arms and croon to me as we dance slowly round the living room.

Because I am often in hospital, Chris shows his care by staying with me most of the day until visiting hours are over, just stroking my hair and holding my hand. Or he will come with our laptop and headphones for me. My heart melts with love for him.  We can't stand to be away from each other.

Illness, medications, no spoons and age have curtailed our times of intimacy, but we manage to show love to each other in ways that are imaginative, erotic and very caring.  There is absolutely no thoughts of unmet needs- love can be expressed in ways other than full sexual intercourse, and we delight in each other regardless! If sex happens, it's a bonus!

So we don't care about no presents or cards for Christmas, or birthdays or Valentines' Day-  with the romantic sparks that still fly between us, and our little dalliances, every day is Valentines' Day. 

I thank God for Chris as I am one very blessed wife, and I tell him often.... he finds that very romantic too! We are proof that you can live without sex! Sex isn't everything! (This post has been written with my husbands' permission)

It has been humbling.

With the days so uncertain and now a new war, I have an underlying anxiety bordering on depression, I have spent a lot of time in prayer and personal Bible study. 

I have been watching lots of You tube sermons on eschatology or end times and the Rapture. But I have no peace. To be honest, it's doing my head in and destroying my peace.

Before Covid19, I was so peaceful and assured of God's providence and protection of His people, but with many believers also getting the virus, it has shaken my faith. 

Honestly, I felt better before I delved into all the end times predictions and when the Rapture would come.

So in having much time to sit and pray, I have come to realise that the reason for my disquiet is that I want to control my life and destiny. I want to know what will happen tomorrow. I want to know why.

And I want to feel in control. So in realising this, I have had to repent. I have had to study the promises of God and acknowledge that He alone is sovereign. 

I am His to call home or to allow to live. And in so doing, I have had to relinquish my need to control and to know, and I have had to revert to childlike faith.

So now each night I commit my life into God's Hands. And I can sleep. Each morning, I thank God for another day and I am grateful.

Faith is the key to peace. Lack of faith produces fear and is of the evil one. It will do your head in...

Placing my hand in God's Hand as a trusting child has calmed me. The depression  has lifted. And a new depth of my relationship with God as Father has deepened.  I am glad that I have had this crisis to shake my faith and then to strengthen it.

It hasn't been fun and it hasn't been easy.  But like so many times we are put in the crucible, we are better for it. 

To think I was so unsure of my trust in God's protection has worried me, but now that the test is over, I rejoice. It is freeing.

Like in all pruning and growth, I have blossomed in trust.... but it has been humbling. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Keeping dainty with chronic illness

I have been ill with fibromyalgia for about twenty years now. In that time, lots of things have changed, and one of them is my personal hygiene routine.

One would think that taking a bath or a shower would be an easy thing to accomplish, but if you suffer from chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, back problems or angina problems like I do, you would realise that it consumes a lot of your spoons. So I had to do a bit of rethinking of my daily routines. I've discovered that one of the places that takes a lot of my spoons is the bathroom.

Because bathing and drying and dressing exhaust me, I varied my time in taking a bath depending on how well I feel. If I have enough energy, I would bathe in the morning, if not I would take a shower before bed as Chris is home and he helps me get dried and into my nightie. (When you are chronically ill, you quickly get over being humbled by needing assistance- you are grateful for any help available.)

I have found that if I take a bath or shower in the morning I am left with no energy for the rest of the day. If I take my shower at night, I have just enough energy afterwards to get myself to bed, which works out much better.

Hot baths or showers leave me too exhausted and give me angina pain, so I take showers with only warm or tepid water. While I would prefer to shower every day, showering is best done every other day for me to avoid flare-ups of pain, fatigue and soreness. I have decided on some new course of action to make time in my bathroom more fibro-friendly.

One of the first things I changed was how I take a shower, or rather, the position in which I shower: sitting. Here I find those telephone type showers are useful. When I get out of the shower, I sit down to dry off.

I can no longer blow dry my hair so by necessity my hairstyle has been wash and air dry for years now. Time in front of the sink brushing my teeth or washing my face has been modified by resting one foot on a stool while standing. Because of spinal problems and being a short person, I have a glass in my bathroom which I fill with water and use for rinsing and cleaning my toothbrush without straining to reach the tap.

I no longer wear makeup, the standing in front of the mirror and the use of my hands in holding the various tools of the task, is now limited to special occasions only; it is too painful a task to do on a daily basis. Also, my face is so sensitive that it breaks out in red welts at the slightest pressure... which includes smearing on foundation. This is called dermagraphia.

The bottom line is taking a shower is a real workout now. In addition to modifying how I take a shower, I am going to follow these 3 rules: I will only take a shower at night, I will only take warm water showers and I will only take a shower every other day. With the employment of a good deodorant after each shower and a fresh change of underwear each night and morning, I have found that I don't offend anyone and remain feminine and dainty.

Life with chronic illness is complicated, but at least I manage to stay clean while living it!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom. Psalm 90:12