His promise still stands.

Recently I have had one trial after another... and some mornings I wake up in so much pain that I often consider staying in bed. I simply cannot face another day.

There is much going on behind the scenes with my family which I am not at liberty to talk about and it is the sort of stuff that I can do nothing about, or help. Except pray.

On days like that, I start the day with morning prayer with Chris. We start by thanking Him for another day of life, and we ask for His Strength and blessing on us as we travel through the day.

Most times with Chris being quite ill himself, we mention that we don't understand how people get on without God. And we thank Him afresh for His faithfulness to us even as we shakily stand and shuffle together through each hour.

Often we remind each other that God is faithful and is the same today as He was yesterday, and will be tomorrow.

And as we pray before closing our eyes, we once again are grateful that we have managed to do at least that which was most needful, and we thank Him for that.

We manage to drift off to sleep, secure in the knowledge that God will be there waiting to help us as we painfully wake up to another morning...

The only reason I've made it this far is God.

His grace carried me. 

His plan sustains me.

His promise still stands.

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

Even to your old age, I am He, And even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; Even I will carry, and will deliver you. Isaiah 46:4

It is well with my soul.

The only reason I've made it this far is God.

His grace carried me. 

His plan sustains me.

His promise still stands.

Lately I have been feeling every day of 73. With new health issues unfolding and chronic pain and fatigue, I feel like my body is slowly closing down.

With my family history of dying around or before 75, I can well imagine that I will not really make it to old bones.

As I told my doctor last week, it is well with my soul. I am just unhappy that the carrier is breaking down so rapidly.

I am not depressed. Ageing and pain and death are a part of life and I am not afraid of dying. I am more afraid of the manner in which I will die than the actual act of dying...

The reason I am not afraid of death is that God is in control of the number of days allotted to me and the manner in which I will go to Him.

Over the last 73 years, since early childhood, I have been aware that He loves me and carries me.

His grace has been my stay and song during a life of pain of every sort, from a wretched childhood to a hellishly violent first marriage of 25 years. Culminating in my body falling apart after I met and married Chris. My rock and soulmate for the last 30 years.

Some days I am not well enough to sit and talk with you, due to pain and brain fog from fibromyalgia and pain killers. But I want to tell you that the joy of the LORD is my strength.

He keeps me from the Pit of Despair and I find there's always something to be grateful for. And I am.

I have learned to give myself grace as I navigate and walk the path of the chronically ill.

God's plan for my life as a Christian, wife and now great-grandmother still brings me purpose and joy.

Having faced death a few times already, I am at peace in the knowledge that God's promise to carry me even to the time of grey hairs is as real now as it was when I first became born again 46 years ago.

Even to your old age, I am He, And even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; Even I will carry, and will deliver you. Isaiah 46:4

If I go in the Rapture or rise to meet Christ from my grave, it is of no consequence to me. I know to Whom I am going. My body will be resurrected and my soul with Jesus.

As I said to my doctor, "It is well with my soul!"

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.. 2 Corinthians 4:16 

Let the children play!

                             

In the 50 and 60's when I was growing up, we played a good deal of our spare time. Often we played outdoors, making mud pies, making houses in Dad's shed. These houses were not only homes to us, but often were hospitals, churches for weddings, and shops.

Play was often quite physical with the customary games of tiggy chasey, hopscotch, skip jump and marbles and jacks. At school play time we made houses out of stones in the playground. We re-enacted shows on TV such as Flash Gordon and Jet Jackson.

When my children were little, they played similar games to us and I encouraged them by playing with them and making cubby houses for my little girl, Sonia. She would spend many a happy hour making me cups of tea and serving them to me in her tiny china tea service.

Her brother Mark often would jump on her cubby house, trying to fly like Superman, a tea towel tied around his neck. Sonia and Superman would often have a falling out! And later on they were joined by their brother Greg and sister Dianne, getting a ride on the back of their older siblings' trike with the little trailer on the back.

I can still remember with fondness my older son's patience with his baby sister as she toddled up to his cricket bales, knocking them off for the hundredth time, chuckling as he replaced it. She obviously thought that he was doing it for her amusement. They were happy and healthy times.

Today, I have noticed a shift in play. Children don't seem to have much imagination. They get bored easily and need constant stimulation. One child in our family needs a DVD to watch in the car because she gets bored going out and about... bored? I can well remember our fights to have the window seats when Dad borrowed a car for our once a week outing. Everything was exciting!

We had an imagination that came from a natural curiosity with the world, not through constant stimulation of TV, DVD's and X-Box computer games.... There aren't even a lot of children out playing with new bikes and toys in the streets on Christmas morning like days of old. They are too busy being entertained by cyber games and computers. They are getting old and fat before their time.

I saw a documentary recently that said that we must return to the old ways of play, for in them children gained insight to how things worked, and became socially skilled. They learnt many skills both vocal and social and learnt how to co-operate and how to assert themselves without resorting to fighting. They became more confident.

It also found that children who were denied the chance to play with other children or outdoors, lacked the social skills and motor skills found in children who played in the old-fashioned way.

Recently, I have been minding my grandchildren and I have been encouraging them to play out of doors. They have been having a great time riding their scooters, digging in the builder's sand, making mud pies and generally behaving like *children*

It has been good for them and fun for me too. Hearing their laughter reminds me of their mother Dianne and my other now grown children playing as youngsters and it is comforting to know that I am doing them a service by letting the children play.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


And the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing in the streets thereof. Zechariah 8:5 

She's still the same girl

 

So it's my 71st birthday in a few days and my best friend Ann came to visit me. It was a visit of mutual tears and laughter and reminiscing about days of the past.

We have been friends since we were 11 years old and as we sipped our tea and coffee we joked about how 61 years of friendship has outlasted most marriages these days...

A new grandmother, Ann lamented how she hates being old and wonders if she will even live to see her grandbaby turn 21... and we cried.

We cried that I don't think I will be here when her next grandbaby is born and that the shawl I am making for her daughter might not get to her if I don't finish it soon. I want her to have one for her other daughter's future baby like the first one has..

We laughed about things that happened at school, and cried about trials we both had during our 71 years of life. And we nearly choked on our coffees laughing about the agonies of aging but how the alternative didn't look too promising either! 

Our emotions were rollercoasting madly, but then there was a lot of reminiscing and the viscitudes of life were a tad sporadic over 61 years of reliving those days...

We talked about God's answers to particular prayers we had petitioned God for in our families and we recommitted those people to Him...And we thanked God for our friendship. 

In parting, we realised how blessed we are to have a true close friend and we marvelled that 5 hours had passed in the visit that went quickly, and we exclaimed that we had had a very fun afternoon.

As I saw Ann off and she smiled and waved as she drove away, I had a flash back of the young girl I used to study with. A few changes in appearance for sure, but she's till the same dear girl I grew up with...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.-  Proverbs 18:24

We have to talk

So I am aging, overweight, have had over 50 kidney stones and 5 surgeries to remove them when they were impacted, and have given birth to 6 children.

Because of this, I used to find that a sneeze could have disastrous results, causing me embarrassment and discomfort as I wet myself. So much so, that I went to a physiotherapist who taught me how to exercise my pelvic floor using Kegel exercises.   They helped me quite a lot.

Nothing else has changed - one cannot change the past- but the only difference was my consistent Kegel exercising. This is for men as well as women, I was told. Anyway, I recommend them to everyone who has stress incontinence.

However, as much as Kegels have helped me, I have noticed that when I am in a flare of fibromyalgia, often I rediscover the joys of stress incontinence. 

It seems to me that fibromyalgia weakens my muscles in my pelvic floor and causes lack of control of the bladder. Just another problem fibro brings that many don't recognise or talk about.

I have purchased some undergarments that absorb urine yet look like normal underwear  I wear them when I am in a fibromyalgia flare, and they do a great job. (There are similar ones for men) It seems lately as I am in almost a constant state of flaring, that I am wearing them more often. 

It's just another pain for us Fibromites to endure, and I hope by sharing about this, it helps you if you have the same problem. It's nothing to be ashamed of and it's something we need to talk about.

The only nice thing about it

So we went to the doctor yesterday to get our results from blood tests taken a few days ago. My blood pressure was 140/90 which was slightly better than last time, but still high.

He asked was anything bothering me and I had to tell him I am worried about Chris. Both of us have heart failure, high blood pressure, diabetes and cellulitis plus I have fibromyalgia. 

We both have pitting oedema on our feet and legs and the fatigue that comes from obesity and feeling sick. Dressing and showering is shared in that we help each other and because of exhaustion from showering, we shower every second day, taking opposite days. That way, we can help each other.

Our love language is touch in the form of massaging each other's feet and legs and our speech revolves around spoons and how much sugar is in everything that passes our lips.

We rarely leave home any more except for the doctor or chemist and our rubbish bins go out more than us. The highlight of our day is to discover we don't have any appointments or need a blood test. We are extremely relieved to know we can just stay home and have a PJ day.

It is unusual to call on us and not find at least one of us having a nana nap, particularly if we haven't slept well the night before.

When massaging Chris's feet or watching him sleep upright so that he doesn't feel like he's drowning in his fluid, I become anxious about how ill he looks and I fret that I will lose him.

I can't bear to think of that and when I do, I have to give it to the LORD in prayer and trust that He will grant us more time together.

All this angst does nothing to alleviate my fibromyalgia pain or help me get over a flare and I find myself taking mild pain relief every 6 hours. As the doctor advised.

Our home is able to be company ready in half an hour as it is basically tidy all the time. True, there may be slippers in the lounge or a cup on the table, but this can easily be fixed. I just close our bedroom doors to hide the permanently clean but unmade beds.

We love our home as we feel it nurtures us and even though we only may be gone a few hours when we have to go out, we find we are really looking forward to coming home again.

When we were engaged, we agreed that it would be nice to grow old together and we have. Twenty-five years later, it isn't so nice. But thank goodness we have each other and that's the only nice thing about it.

True joy in the moment!

Physically, I feel my full 67 years of age. Emotionally, I am mature and steady, and I am grateful for that after years of a stressful life culminating in PTSD. 

Spiritually, I am at peace. It finally has clicked that God actually loves me. Until the last 23 years with Chris, I was made to feel unloveable, and I bought the Liar's lies...

Sure, I have regrets and have done some things in my life that I am most ashamed of, but in realising that God really loves me, I have fallen in love with Him. At last I feel forgiven and acceptable. Such peace! 

I am happy in my own skin, able to forgive easily, and finding joy in everyday things. I feel like my outside man is breaking down, but my inner being is becoming more alive and well...

I don't worry so much about external things these days, but am concentrating on becoming a quiet and gentle soul. It sometimes takes a lot of work, but it's getting easier as I age.

I do find it hard when I am called an old lady: I don't see myself as old yet. Maybe I am by the world's standards. Those who call me an old lady are only in their early thirties: I probably thought those of my age were old at that age too...

Age is something we have to accept and we can and should be grateful for each and every year that we live: life is a gift.

Every time I comb my hair and see the grey, every wrinkle on my face, even my aching arms and neck, tell me that I am aging- but I am grateful to God for the years that have brought me to this place: the joy of being in the moment!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18   Picture is of Helen Mirren 

Always a blessing

Living a satisfying and fruitful Christian life as an older woman is important. In applying godly principles and priorities to our life, we can avoid the pitfalls of succumbing to depression during the years of empty nesting. With the benefit of life experience and years of walking with Christ, we can be a blessing to those closest round us even in later life.

I love to encourage Christian women in their most precious calling. Although I now have passed the season of childbearing and child raising, I still find that my life can influence my adult children and their children. Being a mother and a godly woman never stops! In sharing my heart as an older Sister in Christ in the spirit of Titus 2 and Proverbs 31, I feel that I am still living my life out in a scripturally pleasing way and in keeping with godly priorities.

It is important that the older Christian woman encourages and teaches her younger sisters (and that includes her daughters and granddaughters) It is my prayer that younger women will catch the beauty and freedom we have in Christ by accepting that marriage, children and home are our first and most precious calling and ministry. I pray too that if you are an older sister like myself, that you will rise up and bless younger women too!

By living life according to godly priorities and principles, the aging Christian woman can find satisfaction and joy and be a blessing to those closest to her, even after her children have left the nest, for now is the time for outside ministry. God never wants us to feel unfulfilled and empty-He wants us to pass on the baton of godly womanhood.

God's ways are good: they are always good! And He says you will always be a blessing!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


"The aged women likewise, that [they be] in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children," Titus 2:4-5

In the round file

As you know, yesterday I turned 66 and as one often does on a birthday, it reminded me of a former birthday when I was working outside the home...

Still engaged to Chris, I was needing to work to save for our wedding and for a deposit on our home. I had previously worked in office administration, school offices and employment agencies. I ended up in a Human Resources office in customer service for those looking for employment. It was a plum job in our capital city, Melbourne.

The day my eyes were opened to the fact that employment agencies don't care if you find a job or not was in fact my 45th birthday and it was my job description to short list the many resumes that came to our office. Those who were deemed appropriate for a certain position were put in the short list for an interview with one of our human resources personnel and others were placed in the "round file" aka the bin for later shredding.

I had prepared a short list of highly skilled and suitable applicants for jobs and I truly believed they would have been worthy of an interview. To my shock, they were dumped back on my desk and I was given strict instructions to cull them further from now on and put any applicants who were 45 years old or over in the round file. I was so angry!

Protesting, I said that many were people with school aged children just trying to put bread and butter on the table and pay off a mortgage or rent. Further, I stated that they were in the middle of their child raising years and needed a job. I also pointed out that "today" was my own 45th birthday, and here I was, chucking them into the round file! 

Their only response was "do as you are told" and later on, as was the custom on a birthday,  I brought in a cake to share with them at lunch, their response was to boycott both myself and my cake. 

Finally, I was made to take note of the poor applicants who were put in the round file for shredding and tell them that unfortunately they were unsuccessful at this time. In response to their questions and protests, I had a script I read from... "I am sorry, but there were so many applicants for this position and unfortunately you weren't as highly qualified as them... yada yada"  they couldn't even be honest to their clients.

I was saddened and angry with these girls who really had tickets on themselves and who, in spite of doing professional courses and having degrees in Human Resources, had no people skills or compassion. It really was the pits to be forced to lie to these applicants just trying to make ends meet and provide for their family.  With Chris's permission, I quit working there and went on to work in office administration until we were married.

Why do I tell you this? you ask. Because I don't want you visiting the Pit of Despair and thinking you are of little value to the workforce. It isn't you. It's them. And the only choice you have is to know that not all Employment Agencies are like them and you have to keep trying.

Keep your head up, and your confidence intact. And pray for an agency that values the older worker. It was something I did for every application I had to place in the round file and for everyone I had to contact as unsuccessful. Prayer changes things, so remember that with God, we are never placed in the round file and lied to.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom. Psalm 90:12

Ageing doesn't bother me!

Today  is my 66th birthday and I am not  phased at  getting older.  I do not get  depressed about aging, but I do sense a certain urgency to live better and to make sure that I do not waste something that is irreplaceable and of great value - time!

It's sometimes tradition on birthdays to evaluate your life.... What have I achieved in nearly seven  decades of living? What do I want to achieve? Where is my life heading? What things are key in my life in regards to importance and eternity? What changes can I make to live better and cherish that which I do hold dear? Quite a lot to think on really.

As I sit and reflect, I know that I have to make some changes in my life as regards growing closer to the LORD, and memorising scripture better. I have to seriously build myself up physically as well whilst trimming a lot of excess avoir du pois off my truly small frame.

I realise that I can only make changes by repenting of a lot of negative thinking and attitudes that have gathered like moss on a stone. And by clinging to the LORD, for I know that without Him as the foundation, I can achieve nothing of eternal value.

One thing to reflect on is one that makes me content. I am basically living a good Christian life. I found that out when I was misdiagnosed with a terminal dementia like disease 11 years ago. You have got to believe me when I say that a person who believes they are dying questions what is important in their life and tries to make amends where it is lacking! I didn't have to change anything! I believe our sanctification is ongoing...I am far from perfect and there are some weeds in my garden that need to be pulled. I have far to go in some things..

Yes, today is a day for reflection as well as thanks for the great gift of life! And I can rejoice, because aging doesn't bother me! Not having enough breath to blow out all my candles? Yes,  I think that bothers me more! ~smile

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom. Psalm 90:12