It has been humbling.

With the days so uncertain and now a new war, I have an underlying anxiety bordering on depression, I have spent a lot of time in prayer and personal Bible study. 

I have been watching lots of You tube sermons on eschatology or end times and the Rapture. But I have no peace. To be honest, it's doing my head in and destroying my peace.

Before Covid19, I was so peaceful and assured of God's providence and protection of His people, but with many believers also getting the virus, it has shaken my faith. 

Honestly, I felt better before I delved into all the end times predictions and when the Rapture would come.

So in having much time to sit and pray, I have come to realise that the reason for my disquiet is that I want to control my life and destiny. I want to know what will happen tomorrow. I want to know why.

And I want to feel in control. So in realising this, I have had to repent. I have had to study the promises of God and acknowledge that He alone is sovereign. 

I am His to call home or to allow to live. And in so doing, I have had to relinquish my need to control and to know, and I have had to revert to childlike faith.

So now each night I commit my life into God's Hands. And I can sleep. Each morning, I thank God for another day and I am grateful.

Faith is the key to peace. Lack of faith produces fear and is of the evil one. It will do your head in...

Placing my hand in God's Hand as a trusting child has calmed me. The depression  has lifted. And a new depth of my relationship with God as Father has deepened.  I am glad that I have had this crisis to shake my faith and then to strengthen it.

It hasn't been fun and it hasn't been easy.  But like so many times we are put in the crucible, we are better for it. 

To think I was so unsure of my trust in God's protection has worried me, but now that the test is over, I rejoice. It is freeing.

Like in all pruning and growth, I have blossomed in trust.... but it has been humbling. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.