God hates divorce, not you!

As a previously severely abused wife, I know the anguish that it brings, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Sadly, the Church usually enables the abuser by blaming the wife and telling her to submit more... Lack of submission is rarely the problem here, in fact often a man can be so sick of heart or head that the more his wife tries to please him, the more intolerable his behaviour... I know because I have lived it for 25 years...

If you are being severely abused.. and you most likely won't make it public... then know there are scriptural reasons you can get out of that marriage... don't stay until you are killed or nearly killed... God hates spousal abuse more than divorce. Yes. More than divorce. He hates the violence. Not you. 

"For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence," says the LORD of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." Malachi 2:16

It is important to remember that God sees all our anguish... and knows the truth. He sees that which goes on behind closed doors. I do not believe that He wants that for His daughters... If a spouse makes the covenant of marriage an unsafe place, then I believe God would have us out of it... he hates violence, He is a defender of the widow and fatherless.. He is also a forgiving God. And I believe from reading His Word and knowing the blessing of forgiveness in my life and getting some comprehension of the richness of His Grace and love towards us, that He would not have an innocent daughter of His suffering forever for the sins of her abuser. I asked Him for forgiveness for my part in the failure of my marriage, and I remarried nearly 20 years ago... I believe the LORD has blessed me and will do so for His other abused daughters... that is the God I know from His Word... Compassionate, loving, just and kind. He is our Father... saying that divorce and remarriage is the unpardonable sin limits the depth of His Grace and negates the Blood of Christ in my opinion...

Here is a good article I found...

We must follow the Spirit of Christ, not the Letter of the Law... Where sin abounds, His Grace runs deeper.  Trust in God to love you if you have to divorce. He does and we have His Word on that. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

He delivers me from my enemies. You also lift me up above those who rise against me; You have delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

Once and for all time

Often the world sees Christians as hypocrites and fakes because we sin and miss the mark in being perfect. But that does not make us anything other than human. We are still Christians when we sin. God's grace knows no bounds. The Holy Spirit will convict us of sin, and on repentance of that sin, we are forgiven. It is because we all fail and sin that we need our Saviour. Where sin abounds, God's grace abounds even further. I believe that we can overstep the mark and become so far from the ways of God that we will not heed the conviction of the Spirit, and that is a dangerous place to be, but to say that someone who is sinning is not a Christian and has lost his/her salvation is simply not true.

We sin every day. All of us. We live by God's grace and are saved by His blood and faith. We don't earn it- it is a free gift of God. To be that far away from the things of God that you are in danger of losing your salvation is a very rare occurrence, Praise God. My belief from the Scriptures is that we will always have the Spirit yearning over us and bringing us back into the fold. Backsliders always have God's eye of concern over them. He doesn't love the sin, but loves the sinner.

It is not as if one day we are tucked up in the bed saved and roll over to land on the floor unsaved. God's grace and love is deeper than we can imagine- which one of us would have willingly sent our only Son to die for anyone as He did? I sin every day- for I am not perfect! But I repent and get right back on track! We all sin- because there is only One Who is perfect! Thank God that He is our Judge, and not man! What a sorry state we all would be in!

God’s Word says, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick...For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance." Matthew 9:12-13

God's Word also says that, "There is none righteous, no, not one." Romans 3:10

God's Word also says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast." Ephesians 2:8-9

Grace is God working in us to accomplish His purposes at the expense of Christ. Would we doubt that He has that power? Would we belittle the sacrifice He made on the cross for us?

Certainly a Christian can sin - much of the New Testament is an instruction manual for Christians, because God knew we would need it. And backsliding, well I guess that depends on perspective. In God's eyes, all sin is equal. Murder is equal to a less than pleasant thought about another person. So when is backsliding, well, backsliding? Is it when you or I deem it so based on our own personal standards? Or is it when we sin at all? Backsliding is when we stop walking in the Spirit and walk in the flesh. We go our own way! But it is forgiven as soon as the backslider repents.

God's Word also says that we inherited Adam's sin nature, death. (Romans 5:12-13; actually all of Romans 5 really explains this well) We are born sinful, and as long as we are on this earth we cannot separate ourselves from our inherited nature.

When we become Christians, God's Word never promises we would be without sin, just that we would have the Holy Spirit ever-present in our lives to help us (Romans 8:11) and that Jesus would be sitting at the right hand of God the Father in Heaven pleading on our behalf to forgive our sins (Romans 8:34). Furthermore, God's Word says, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12

We have been given an amazing gift that none of us can comprehend from who else but the all-powerful, all-knowing, holy, righteous, sovereign, and perfect God. Will any one of us ever be deserving of this gift, this honour? Absolutely not. But He has given it to us regardless of what we have done or what we will do, because of His inexplicable love for us.

The scripture teaches us that we were bought by Christ through His redemption of us by His Blood. We belong to Him. We have been sealed by the Holy Spirit. Christ dwells in us and we in Him. However, because we are human and flesh, we DO sin. We all sin everyday- no matter how hard we try not to. We try not to sin and be perfect even as the Father is perfect- yet we cannot help ourselves. Sin can be anything- thoughts, words, actions- some so subtle that we don't realise that we have sinned. Even to gossip, look at anything unsavoury in a book or film, cuss or just feel a sense of selfish anger or pride- is sin. We can't help but sin. That is not to say we all go out and murder or have adulterous affairs or whatever. Sin is a part of our life- no matter how hard we try not to.

If we deny that we sin, then the truth is not in us! Christians do sin- we are not perfect- just forgiven! Because Christ has redeemed us on the Cross, we belong to Him. He promises that whoever eats and drinks of His flesh and blood will have Everlasting life. I believe that! God's forgiveness and compassion is there for our Brothers and Sisters in Christ who backslide- backsliding is repented of as soon as one returns to God. The Holy Spirit never leaves us- God promised that to us. He said, I will send you the Helper! Why? Because we need His help! He said He would not leave us orphans- He didn't. And although it sometimes feels like God has deserted us, it is always us who have done the moving! That is a good time to check our life and pray through it. God does not leave us because we have sinned. He convicts us and yearns jealously over us! Why? Because we belong to Him and He loves us. He tells us that we can never be separated from His love.

I used to battle with fear over the Unpardonable Sin. I didn't understand it. But there is only one way you can commit that-by totally turning away from all things of God, Forever. God just can’t reach you. I don't think any of us who worry about sinning need lose any sleep over this. We obviously still are tender to the things of God. I believe that it is an extremely rare thing for God to reject that which He has redeemed and sealed with His Spirit. Backsliding is not the Unpardonable Sin. There is always hope for the backslider, in fact, as long as we live, there is hope for everyone who has breath!

It seems to me that some Christians are dwelling on some theology that is grounded on fear and until you come to realise how loved we all are in the LORD, you will not enjoy that glorious feeling of acceptance, love and forgiveness in all its fullness. Don't let Jesus's invitation of peace and joy in your salvation be spoilt by misunderstanding the scriptures. I did that for years. We have God's grace and are covered by His Blood, adopted as joint heirs with Christ as Sons (or daughters) of God, and we are justified through that covering. However, we continue to be under a state of grace and justification because God keeps us redeemed and sealed by His Spirit.  His forgiveness is once and for all time...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"There is none righteous, no, not one." Romans 3:10

Because we love Him

We are to submit to our husband's headship as our husband is to submit to Christ.... it's impossible to have two heads and God puts more responsibility on the man who is directly under God's authority... 

It's not about power, it's about love. Love makes us submissive to our husband because we love Christ, Who is equal to the Father (is in fact part of the Trinity), yet still is submissive to His Will.... 

We love God. We love our husband. We submit to our husband as unto the LORD. We submit because of love.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything., Ephesians 5:23-24

What a godly home maker is not

A godly keeper at home is absolutely not a lesser human being, a mindless robot, or a placid doormat under submission to all men; rather, she is created in the very image of God and of equal worth and value compared to man (Genesis 1:26-28). She is the crown of her husband (Proverbs 12:4), a helper suitable for him (Genesis 2:18). Because she trusts God’s wisdom in establishing perfect order for His creation, she willingly submits to her own husband as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22-24). by Jennie Chancey and Stacey McDonald 

Certainly a woman is not a mindless robot as in the film Stepford Wives. We are expected to use our God-given intelligence. God expects us to be women who are sensible and intelligent but discretely so. He has given us role models in scripture. Not one of the many women of valour mentioned in scripture could be accused of being air-heads. As in everything, we are to be balanced.

Being a woman does not mean that we are intellectually inferior to a man. Neither does getting married and being submissive mean that we make ourselves into Stepford wives and put our brains on the shelf, letting our husbands do all our thinking for us. Whilst our husband should be allowed to lead and make the final decision, that does not mean that our opinion and insight is to be ignored.

Let us hold our head up high and humbly voice our opinion and think for ourselves. The key is balance and humility... something the truly feminine keeper of home will employ in her own life.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. Ephesians 5:23-30

The Lord's Prayer

I cannot say Our if I live only for myself.

I cannot say Father  if I do not endeavor each day to act like His child.

I cannot say Who art in Heaven if I am laying up no treasure there.

I cannot say Hallowed be thy name if I am not striving for holiness.

I cannot say Thy Kingdom come  if I am not doing all in my power to hasten that wonderful event.

I cannot say Thy will be done if I am disobedient to His word.

I cannot say On earth as it is in Heaven  if I will not serve Him here and now.

I cannot say Give us this day our daily bread  if I am dishonest or seeking things by subterfuge.

I cannot say Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us if I harbor a grudge against anyone.

I cannot say Lead us not into temptation if I deliberately place myself in its path.

I cannot say Deliver us from evil  if I do not put on the whole armor of God.

I cannot say  For thine is the Kingdom  if I do not give the King the loyalty due him from a faithful subject.

I cannot say And the power  if I fear what others may do.

I cannot say And the glory  if I am seeking honor only for myself.

I cannot say Now and forever  if the horizon of my life is bounded by the things of today.

~Author Unknown~

Don't relinquish your role

As you probably know, in my first 25 year marriage, I was an abused wife. But along with physical abuse, I was daily subjected to disrespect and psychological stress.

By the time I was married for about 15 years, I was broken physically and emotionally. I was in hospital frequently for a spinal disease called Sheurmann's Disease, and for surgery to remove kidney stones. Each time I came home, the disrespect was worse.

After a few years of this, I noticed that my daughter, who was a teenager at the time, was changing her attitude towards me. She became cheeky and sassy and answered me back constantly. Whenever I appealed for some backup from her father, he would defend her. I felt isolated and lonely in my own home.

As she grew older, I noticed that they both talked more than he and I did, and there was a definite bond and camaraderie. I felt like the third wheel.

In the morning I would make my beds and maintain my home, and when my daughter came home from school, she would pull them all back and redo them, stating that they weren't made properly.

Often my ex-husband would come home to unmade beds and he would start screaming at me, swearing and calling me horrid names. He didn't believe me when I told him I had made them and that she had pulled them back for me to make again. Honestly, with my ill health, once a day was enough for me to find the strength to make them.

In the end, I didn't make them, letting her do them when she got home from school. It was just wasting my precious spoons (energy) for nothing- they would be remade and I would get a tongue lashing regardless.

I think this was where the rug was pulled from under my feet. I gradually was treated like a naughty child by both my ex-husband and my eldest daughter. In fact when we were moving house and it was time to choose the colours and tiles etc, they conferred and I was just informed what it would be.

To say that I was not mistress of my own home is an understatement. I was an annoying lazy freeloader according to them. I couldn't work outside the home and they begrudged me anything at all.

When finally I could no longer keep any food down due to fear and depression, and sick of punched arms and bruises, I decided to leave. And in my confusion, I grabbed some clothes pegs with my clothes and this was duly reported to her father who demanded them to be returned.

I don't believe even today that there was any sexual connection with my daughter and her father, but there was a bond that cemented them together, but which excluded me. And I was powerless to change it and my cries for marriage counselling fell on deaf ears. It became too much.

Truly, three in a marriage is never what God intended. Nor did He intend for a man to cleave to his daughter and deny his wife due regard and respect. It is not a normal marriage.

So why do I tell you this? you ask. Because you must find the strength to fight being made an outsider in your role as a wife, mother and home maker. You simply must demand respect from your husband, even if it exhausts you. You must insist on respect from your children.

I wish I had been aware of this earlier and been firmer, but I can only say that I was beaten down so badly by him and chronic illness, that I could hardly stand. Start defending your right to be a wife and a respected mother.  Your role is ordained by God. Don't relinquish it.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

“I will give children to be their princes, and babes shall rule over them.." Isaiah 3:4

We must be overcomers!

Sometimes it is easy to give into the depression that pain from chronic illness can bring. Especially when we have lost sleep or had an unrestful night. It is so easy to allow the pain that sometimes overwhelms us in the morning to colour our whole day. We must try to overcome that because if we don't, we will make matters worse.

It is true that our thinking patterns dictate how our day to day living is going to be. We can literally talk ourselves into having a worse day than what it is. How? you say... by not clinging to the LORD and taking all of our thoughts into the captivity of Christ. In order to stop the continual downward spiral of depression that pain brings, it is imperative that we try to redirect our thoughts and literally force our focus onto something other than our pain.

We should treat ourselves with the pain relief that our doctor has given us, take our other medications and do whatever else we can to relieve it. Then we must try to focus our attention onto what we can achieve that will lift us up. Because if we don't, we will talk ourselves into such a state that it will exacerbate the pain. Thoughts can and will do that- and serve up a great dish of depression that is hard to shake.

Now please don't throw tomatoes at me for being direct, because I suffer pain in movement and just in breathing every moment of every day. I speak to you on your level and with understanding. That is why I know the reality of pain and its effect on our life. I know that to live a reasonably personally satisfying life, we must overcome the pain by redirecting our focus!

When I am in so much pain that I cannot stand it, I listen to worship music, blog or write my feelings in poetry. Poetry can be a healing medium and a release. Another thing I avoid like the plague is forums for disabled or chronically ill people. Why? Because they force us to focus on others' pain.... this can be too much to bear when we have our own. Believe me, you can dwell too much on your disability and pain and weaken your enjoyment of life.

Enjoyment of life? what enjoyment is there in life? you ask. There is always something to enjoy in life, even in the worst of times. Vision, hearing, touch, love, dear ones, sunshine, birds singing, coffee brewing, soft sheets, warm showers, freshly fallen rain, restful sleep after pain. I am sure you could add to the list. If you don't shift your focus, you will definitely sink into the Pit of Despair. And you *don't* want to go there!

What I am saying is that those of us who suffer from unrelenting pain *have to* make a supreme effort to shift our focus onto something *greater* than the pain. Because pain will be our constant companion, we therefore have to *live* above the pain factor. Easier said than done, you say! Of course it is, but what alternative do we have?

We have to overcome the psychological effects of pain as much as we are able or else our life will be one of constant distress and frustration. Lift your thoughts to a higher place if you can, and lean on God. It will be hard to not make matters worse for ourselves by refusing to accept our illness, but we must be overcomers...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

[When thou saidst], Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek. Psalm 27:8

The importance of fresh air

There are two modes of nourishing the body, one is by food and the other by air. In the stomach the food is dissolved, and the nutritious portion is absorbed by the blood, and then is earned by blood-vessels to the lungs, where it receives oxygen from the air we breathe. This oxygen is as necessary to the nourishment of the body as the food for the stomach.

While the bodies of men and animals are filling the air with the poisonous carbonic acid, and using up the life-giving oxygen, the trees and plants are performing an exactly contrary process; for they are absorbing carbonic acid and giving out oxygen. Thus, by a wonderful arrangement of the beneficent Creator, a constant equilibrium is preserved. What animals use is provided by vegetables, and what vegetables require is furnished by animals; and all goes on, day and night, without care or thought of man.

American Woman's Home published 1869 ~Catharine Esther Beecher and Harriet Beecher Stowe

Blessings, Glenys

“Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. I have given you all things, even as the green herbs. Genesis 9:3

When your world is turned upside down

When one is first diagnosed with an illness, it is quite common to be in disbelief or even denial. After all, some illnesses come as a shock and have the potential to change our life forever. This requires us to rethink how we will cope with the illness, its treatment and life in general.

Sometimes we struggle to get a grip of the ramifications that illness makes in our life, but sooner or later, we are going to have to get our head around the fact that things will change. To function, they have to.

If diagnosis of an illness has caused a depression which lingers for more than a few weeks or causes panic attacks, I suggest that a doctor is seen for antidepressants. These may be needed only short term until the illness is accepted. And it must be accepted sooner or later.

Only in coming to terms with being chronically ill, can we make plans to handle the changes that being ill will bring. We will need to plan our days as wives, mothers and homemakers. (See Lists)
We must cling to Jesus and allow Him to minimise the shock and help us regain our focus. We must also plan our treatments and care.

Scary as it is, chronic illness must be addressed as soon as we are able... our future and our family's future depend on us accepting our illness so that we can move on. Easier said than done when your world has been turned upside down.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

Change and fruit

Change can take time and is subject to many influencing factors. For example, in changing a house hold routine and disciplining yourself to do more housework, you may have many outside distractions- most unavoidable but necessary, that chip into your plans and time table. Or you may become ill. But if you persist and work toward change, eventually you will succeed.

Old habits sometimes take time to change, but they can change! It is not immediately obvious either. Take trying to stop using unsavoury language. Years of using certain words never bothered you, but God has convicted you about your speech and you have repented and responded. Suddenly, one of those expletives bursts forth and you find yourself discouraged. But take heart and don't give up on your resolve. It is like a path in a field. By walking in the same place over and over, you find it has become a path and is easier to walk. So it is with changing bad habits and being victorious over any sin. You will overcome in time.

Change can take time and calls for patience. Take planting some fruit trees for instance...you may not see any fruit on your tree, but there is still change and growth. Eventually if you persist in your desire and efforts to change, you will see buds of growth. Eventually there will be fruitful blossoms and then there will be fruit!Continue in your path of change and don't let yourself become discouraged!

I believe a person can change in a grand way if she or he so wishes. With repentance, the right attitude and prayer, we can do it!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:7

Recognising false guilt

As a chronically ill woman, I know too well the false guilt we all feel when we can't get enough energy up to do what we long to do. We know what we should be doing, and we want to but our bodies are tired and hurting. Although God reminds us and shows us what direction we should be taking, He does understand that our bodies are but dust and has compassion on us. The false guilt comes from the Evil One. Listening to him brings on depression and compounds our problems...

Likewise, we often get in a spin trying to work out how to serve the LORD and we feel that we come way short of the mark during times of illness. We often miss the fact that we are serving Him in our homes and in our family life in spite of not spinning our wheel as fast as we would like. Service starts with a heart choice and doesn't depend on perfection. We can serve God even as we battle illness or fatigue. It's not about how fast we spin our wheel, but if we want to and then try to! And as FlyLady says, "Housework done imperfectly still blesses your family!"

Because I battle with illness constantly and walk that weary path every day, I see that you can have a servant's heart but can still bear an extra load in false guilt. For those of you who do, I pray that you can talk kindly to yourself and learn to have more compassion on yourself- the road is not easy and you will find many others who have fallen along the way, giving up the battle and feeling overwhelmed. I do not believe the LORD wants that for us...

I highly recommend Sylvia of Christian Homekeeper's lists on homemaking for the chronically ill woman. I follow that closely (adapted for my own home) and it helps me no end.... Physically and emotionally. Through following Sylvia's lists, I can usually lay down the burden of false guilt and still have a reasonably clean and tidy home.

May God bless you as you purposely and diligently serve Him in your home, in spite of your pain.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Even to your old age, I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you!  I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you.  Isaiah 46:4

Without a vision

"To the contemporary mind, the idea that happiness depends on good housekeeping might seem quaint or odd. A century or two ago, and in fact until the past few decades, it was taken for granted, and the quality of housekeeping was not beneath the attention of such great novelists as Jane Austen and Leo Tolstoy." -Cheryl Mendelson, Home Comforts: The Art & Science of Keeping House

I think this true in my own life anyway. When my house runs smoothly and is in order, I feel in control but when it is disorganised or dirty, I feel irritable and unhappy. It is true that most people don't notice housework until it's not done, and that in itself doesn't bolster the home keepers' spirits. However, I have learnt to focus on the end result. It helps me get through the mundane cleaning.

There is a scripture that says that without a vision the people perish and I often equate housework with this verse. Unless we visualise the finished result of a clean house, we will often neglect doing it and miss the mark completely as regards being a good home keeper. Like it or not, good housekeeping creates happiness. If we lose sight of that, we will be people without a vision!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Where [there is] no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy [is] he. Proverbs 29:18