God is good all the time!

Recently my mother lost her battle with dementia. I would like to reflect and share on the LORD'S goodness to both her and myself in her passing...

Mum was a busy no nonsense sort of woman and for one reason or another, she *never* once told me she loved me. It was something she had told others, but not me. All my life, I was known as "The Other One" and felt that Mum only loved my twin sister and not me...

I wondered what was different about me that she didn't tell me and unfortunately it coloured my self-image into a blue haze of self-doubt. I felt unworthy and unloved in general... except for my Chris that is...

Mum battled dementia for years and she finally lost that battle a week ago. We were called to her bedside for our final farewells. During the first few hours Mum was semi conscious and aware enough to clean her mouth out with the cotton buds provided and tell them a resounding No!.when they tried to do it for her.. She reached out to us and touched our arms or face. Then gradually she worsened into a struggle for each breath and morphine was administered....

She loved us near her and those of us who were able came to see her off, but eventually it was just my granddaughter, Ash and myself there. I held Mum close and told her we were all here, just as she wanted. I told her I wasn't going anywhere and I stroked her face and held her hand. She was breathing so shallowly that I thought she had passed but a nurse came in and said not quite yet....

Looking at the skeletal face and shrunken hardworking hands, I stood up and kissed her forehead and prayed for God to give her His peace and to take her gently Home, and being in pain with my back from so much standing, I went to sit down again. Suddenly Mum called out quite strongly, "Stay!" So I immediately went back to her and told her I wasn't going anywhere and kissed her and held her as tightly as I could without hurting her frail body. She stared at me and said, "I love you!" 

She never took her eyes off me again, but stared straight ahead but the nurses said she was still hanging on, but barely. I got up again and I told her she was the best mummy anyone could want. I told her she was such a tired girl and it was OK to rest. Her eyes flickered and then stayed still. Ten minutes later she was confirmed as having passed...

I am grieving Mum's loss even though I am glad she's free at last and Home with the LORD. However, I am overwhelmed with equally healing emotions and gratitude that God allowed me to be there holding Mum's hand and comforting her in her last moments...

I am amazed that He allowed her to rally enough to say that which ended the pain of feeling unloved. I am grateful for that time together, when I was recognised as me, not The Other One.

God is good. All the time. His mercy endures forever.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints. Psalm 116:15