If the Lord wills

Over the past twenty years or so that I have been ill,  it has become totally apparent that we chronically  ill  women can never make plans.   By it's very nature,  chronic illness  is unpredictable and we do not know from day to day, or indeed, moment by moment how it will effect us..

Nearly every day I write lists of things I need to get done and places I have to go, then something will happen that tosses my plans into the rubbish bin. I run out of spoons, or I become dizzy or feel faint or want to vomit, have angina, or mostly, I just collapse and need to take a nap..

Even planning for a restful day can go awry as sleep doesn't come and we find ourselves staring at the ceiling whilst going cross-eyed with fatigue..It's very frustrating..

I have only recently been able to say to people that we will go to a certain event or do something "if I am able" and not worry too much about the reaction. Because we Sisters all know that we can't please people when we can't jump to their command. I have gotten to the stage that I no longer care about their reaction because I am not doing it wilfully..their reaction is their problem..

None of us want to be chronically ill and it does us no good whatsoever to blame ourselves for not being able to attend a function or do something that we have promised to do. Our life is not our own when it comes to chronic illness..

I think what works best for me now is when I realised that God is in control of my life, my days and my nights. Unless He allows my body to co-operate, I am at chronic illness's mercy.. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that." James 4:15