Created To Be His Helpmeet..a dangerous book.

I am a conservative, non-feminist and submissive wife. Even though there were some good things regarding bringing women back to godly principles in marriage,  I found this book very disturbing.  I had been a severely abused wife for 25 years. So from the angle of an abused wife, I would like to comment and speak up for those women too afraid or unable to speak for themselves.

Chapter 2: The ugly hillbilly woman- the first and main reason she is accounted as ‘Ugly’ by Debi Pearl, is that she is overweight! As an overweight woman, that stung! I may be overweight, but my husband and family and friends have never even intimated that I am ugly! The fact that a smile can change this “worse than regular ugly!” woman is hogwash. It takes more than a smile to change a character- though a smile does indeed help. To say that the woman became unrecognizable when she was caught scowling because she was upset at her obese daughter taking candy is a bit far-fetched (unless her husband is short-sighted or dim-witted) However, I do agree that we must cultivate a happy disposition and smile. Our husbands and family need to see that.

When I first read the letter to the desperate wife whose husband was having an emotional affair with his secretary my first response was that Mrs Pearl’s advice was wrong. Then I reconsidered and thought that there was truth in the advice that if the wife stood up for her rights (and indeed she was in the right)- and fought to win her man back, then that would be the better way to approach it than to end the marriage. I have seen marriages almost ruined by affairs become stronger than ever where the wife has stood her ground. But if the marriage fails, why does Mrs Pearl attest that “if you get another husband, he will be like your old one- cast off by some other woman”? Who is she to say that with such conviction? It is not necessarily true or a given fact!

But it is so true that you cannot force or demand your husband to love you and that he cannot be pressured to love you because you are husband and wife. But why does love come into the equation in a Christian marriage? Where are commitment, understanding, compassion, forgiveness and other Christ-like attributes like forbearance, integrity and obligation to keep the marriage vows simply because God says we must?

If one person does not want to be in a marriage, it is a sad fact of life that sometimes no matter how much the spouse who wishes to remain in the marriage tries to please the errant spouse, then the one wanting out will often leave or make it impossible to stay in the marriage by becoming violent or aggressive. Then, because of hardness of heart of the errant spouse, the prayers and efforts of the faithful spouse come to naught. Why? Because we are carnal creatures at times- both men and women. God sometimes cannot soften a heart that is turned from Him because He will not violate our free will. However,I believe if you loved your husband enough, you would fight for him. Or stay in the marriage until it was impossible to remain safely in it.

We do see a bit of the “boys will be boys” mentality in this chapter, and I have to wonder if this is biased towards men being helpless creatures bewitched under the guiles of wicked women- Jezebels all. I know that men are called to account to God for their sins and being a man who can’t control his thought life and actions is not being a godly man. It does seem that the wife is to bear the burden of blame for her husband’s sin and then take it on the chin! And smile, smile, smile through her tears!

Another sore point with me is where she says,” being pitiful, hurt, discouraged and even sickly is one side of a “bad marriage” coin. Men in general (your husband in particular), are repulsed by women who project this image. A man’s spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react in anger.”

As a woman who suffers from an illness that causes chronic pain and fatigue, I am so overjoyed to report that my husband doesn’t treat me as a faulty appliance which causes him great anger, but he cherishes me and tries to alleviate my suffering on bad days by sharing in my tasks and closing an eye to that which can’t be done on any particular day. After all, we promised to love each other in sickness and in health. Isn’t that type of commitment what God wants in marriage? So this chapter got me thanking God for the blessing of a husband who puts me first when I need it. (see Sick Wives Are Despised By Their Husbands: Debi Pearl)

Chapter 4: Thanksgiving produces joy. Whilst I can see Mrs Pearl’s point about not getting upset about the trash not being taken out, I think she is a little (much?) on the immature side when she finds screaming like that funny. IMO she is mighty fortunate to have a man who can see the funny side- especially when he has not been in the habit of taking trash out for her. And then to see her struggling week after week with the trash and not help her seems really inconsiderate to me.

Also I am uncomfortable that a woman who is teaching other women to be godly wives forgets that we are to be discreet- especially when our intimate lives are involved. It is not very discreet to almost hope that the business manager comes in and then to have a scream ready to embarrass the poor man! Yes, we are to be our husband’s playmate! I agree 100% but then I agree with the Word which clearly says: ” as a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.” Proverbs 11:22

To not care about the feelings of the business manager but in fact to entertain thoughts of him finding Mr and Mrs Pearl frolicking or worse yet, in fragrante delicto, is absolutely contrary to Scripture. We are not to be the cause of another person to stumble- apart from being very embarrassing to the staff, I am sure most of them would think Mr and Mrs Pearl extremely indiscreet and insensitive- lovemaking should be enjoyable, fun and PRIVATE!

Chapter 5: the gift of wisdom: In the beginning of this chapter, IMO Mrs Pearl is putting a great deal of pressure on the wife to be the prime force behind a successful marriage. If the marriage is not a heavenly one, it would seem in her opinion, that the wife is not submitting or being thankful and joyful. Whilst I agree that basically what she says is true, there are marriages where normal boundaries are overstepped and it is impossible to be thankful or joyful- for example after a beating or some other horrendously humiliating experience. Now it is extremely difficult if not impossible, to be thankful to and for the husband who is like this.

Marriage is a two-way street. A man is to love his wife as his own body- no man hates his own body but cherishes it (Ephesians 5:28) To completely negate this by saying that a wife should love and respect her husband regardless is OK- to a point. But what of the badly abused wife? It is impossible to be a loving responsive wife in the evening after that same man has bruised you physically and emotionally during the day. At best our body can be receptive, but our heart cannot join in with loving responses. The fear overrides all else.

I feel Mrs Pearl is totally unable to empathise with a wife who is badly abused and to add the pressure of maintaining or creating a “heavenly” marriage in such a case is not only impossible but invites the poor woman to break down emotionally or even doubt or lose her faith! Mrs Pearl is preaching the truth for the majority of marriages- but not for all!

As a woman nearly beaten to the point of death in my first marriage, I take great exception to this:(the abusive harsh husband)…”But he cannot victimize you unless you react outside of the wisdom of God.” This is such hogwash! When your jaw is dislocated or your ribs broken, it is a normal reaction to feel pain. Then to fear being hurt like that again. It is hopeful that the godly woman will turn to God in her pain and not feel rejected by Him. To even continue in a marriage like this takes more faith and obedience than Mrs Pearl will ever know personally.

I did as Mrs Pearl advocates: I held my tongue and didn’t strike back in anger. I tried not to feel sorry for myself and protected HIM from the consequences of his sin by not going to the law and telling my doctor lies about how my injuries came about. I understand what Mrs Pearl is saying but I also understand that there are some men walking so much in sin that it goes WAY BEYOND TRASH BAGS NOT BEING TAKEN OUT. Preaching like Mrs Pearl’s saw me come to the point of a nervous breakdown.

When you feel like God doesn’t intervene or care or if you leave your husband, that you are going to Hell, and are therefore trapped in a cycle of abuse that makes you vomit up everything you eat because of fear, then you have nowhere to go but down into the pit of Hell itself. I am adamant that God does care, and doesn’t want any wife to be treated in this way. But I realise that on the other side of the coin, there are many wives who will justify leaving their husbands for a minor infringement like not taking the trash out! So this chapter has to be read assuming that a marriage is not in the extreme range of violence against the woman.

I wasn’t going to get personal in my critique, but maybe some women reading this will identify and be helped by what I write! Balance, dear Sisters, balance and wisdom in ALL things! So this chapter to me is one where I nod and turn the page over!

I have made notes of other things both good and bad to comment on, but I now realise that in all honesty, the more I delve into this book, the more I find it disturbs me. There are too many things that Debi Pearl writes about that are not backed up by scripture and in other situations, I feel that she and Michael offer no real answer for those married to men who are habitually abusing their wives. I am not really well enough at the moment to write about each and every chapter, so I will make a blanket critique of this book by saying in my opinion,  the advice is often unrealistic and even dangerous- especially about keeping silent if you are a wife suffering from abuse.

My belief is that when a wife comes to the point of shedding blood or having bones broken by her husband then the authorities should be notified, her doctor should be consulted and treatment given and her pastor should be informed. I regret that I followed the “suffering in silence” method of dealing with my own physical abuse and almost ended up dying at my ex husband’s hands. To counsel women along the lines of silent suffering is not wise counsel and downright dangerous.

So in closing, I would say that I have changed my mind about recommending the book- I would caution all those who read it to keep in mind that husbands do indeed have no right before God or man to so damage their wife that she suffer real physical damage. Christian or not- the red line is crossed when a woman or child is hit enough to cause any damage.

We have many excellent books on Christian marriage that are equally good in bringing women back to remembering that they are helpmeets. IMO the Pearls book is not totally backed up in scripture and is therefore erroneous teaching and dangerous as well. I now would say that my findings are 90% rubbish and 10% good teaching. If you are in a marriage where you are not living in fear every waking moment, praise God! I am happy for you, however, I am speaking up for thousands of godly Christian Sisters who are not! They need your prayers and compassion badly- something that Debi and Michael Pearl seem to be lacking!

Here are some books that are by far better than CTBHH:

“The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective” by Martha Peace.

Leslie Vernick’s ‘How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong’

Gary Chapman: ‘The 5 Love Languages’ and ‘On the Marriage You Always Wanted.’

"The Power Of A Positive Wife” by Karol Ladd

‘Feminine Appeal: 7 Virtues of a Godly Wife’ and

‘Mother and/or Biblical Womanhood in the Home’…both written by Nancy Leigh Demoss.

Other greats include ‘Lord, Meet Me in the Laundry Room’ by Barbara Curtis as well as

‘The Mother at Home’.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so. Acts 17:11

Sick wives despised by their husbands

I have recently read Debi Pearl's book "Created To Be His Helpmeet" Frankly, I think the book is scripturally unsound and borders on demeaning and insulting to women. What Debi Pearl says about the sick wife is just one area where I find a lack of compassion and an almost mysogynistic outlook. Here is what she says:

"being pitiful, hurt, discouraged and even sickly is one side of a “bad marriage” coin. Men in general (your husband in particular), are repulsed by women who project this image. A man’s spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react in anger.”

As a woman who suffers from illnesses that cause chronic pain and fatigue, I am so overjoyed to report that my husband doesn’t treat me as a faulty appliance which causes him great anger, but he cherishes me and tries to alleviate my suffering on bad days by sharing in my tasks and closing an eye to that which can’t be done on any particular day. After all, we promised to love each other in sickness and in health. Isn’t that type of commitment what God wants in marriage? So this chapter got me thanking God for the blessing of a husband who puts me first when I need it.

We sacrificial home keepers have enough on our plates already: trying to cope with our illness, be a good wife and mother and run our home. We often deal with disbelieving family members when the illness is an invisible illness like fibromyagia and chronic fatigue. Most likely you too have thought, like I do, that sometimes it would be easier to have an illness or disability that is highly visible rather than endure snide remarks about laziness and so on as we battle on.

Debi and Michael Pearl lack compassion, empathy and love. In my opinion, they lack many Christlike attributes that are the hallmark of a Christian. To put such a heavy yoke onto a sick woman's shoulders is to cause her added stress and anxiety. It is not the way of Christ.

I believe that the majority of sick women fight a courageous battle and do an overwhelmingly good job of being a Helpmeet to their husband. They are usually the hardest on themselves for they want to do that which their healthier Sisters do and they often fail. They do not need the likes of some author (Christian or not), putting the boot in and blaming them for their husbands' anger and spiritual unease. Nor do they need to be made anxious about their marriage.

Over the years, I have observed marriages where the wife is ill and I have seen that the majority of husbands are not as Debi Pearl claims. They love their wife and usually do all they can to support her in her homemaking efforts. They bring their children in line and demand that they take their mothers' health into consideration.

This is the love Christ wants for us, not the "love" portrayed by Debi Pearl. We would do well to reject her ideas on the sick spouse and to thank God that we have the Holy Spirit to lead us into Truth. He is indeed our Comforter.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks



And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick. Matthew 14:14

A new chapter

Chris and I have always wanted to travel around Australia. Now in our late sixties, our children are all grown, our grandchildren also are older and we now have no aged parents to care for. The stage is set. It is our time.

As you may recall, my mother lost her battle with dementia last December and in the fullness of time, her money from her house sale cleared. She graciously left me enough money to buy our rig and truck and now the time has come to leave for sunny shores. Or in our case, coastline.

So, we have almost finished closing up our rented house. We have either sold or given away most of our stuff and we are almost ready.

I am a little anxious but looking forward to this nomadic lifestyle. I have never done this before. Chris tells me that our life won't change too dramatically. I will still be writing. I will miss going to church, but will take steps to have church at home.

I know God is in this with us, and He remains our Saviour and Friend. We will be carrying Him in our hearts and minds to whomever He places in our path. 

Whatever changes there are, I am still looking forward to this new chapter in our lives. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: forthe Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9

Have a good cry

So anyone who knows me, knows I am not a woman who cries easily. I am stoic and try to overcome my disabling symptoms. 

Yesterday, after seeing my useless and unfeeling doctor, I got home and the pain in my joints, the muscles tearing and the pain in my calf and back and chest reached a crescendo in a climax of searing agony. I just bowed my head and cried. Not loudly, but deep from within like a soda that's been shaken up and then uncapped. 

It was messy. It was wet. But it was healing. Finally, when I had cleaned up my face and wiped my eyes, I realised that it was OK to cry. And it was healing. The pain in my chest abated. I think an occasional cry is therapeutic.

So next time you fight back tears: don't. Let the healing tears come. Have a good cry. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? Psalm 56:8

Warning danger ahead!

Have you, like me, been totally appalled lately with what you see on TV? We watch an English serial called “The Bill” Currently the Detective Inspector is having an affair with a very attractive Police Constable and the whole context is that the DI’s wife is prudish, frigid, inferior and the PC is anything but. The scriptwriters purposely make the cheating spouse attractive and the betrayed spouse unattractive! This is promoting adultery as an attractive past time. And denigrates marriage.

Similarly, there are many shows on TV now which try to push us to accept homosexuality as a normal lifestyle. Indeed, The Bill is one which seems to portray 90% of the English Police Force as gay. It is a sad fact that more teenagers than ever before are accepting this lifestyle as a valid choice and can see no wrong in being gay. Such is the strength of the media that it is turning our children so far away from the things of the LORD.

How many times have we queued up at the supermarket trying desperately to block our children’s eyes from the half-naked women in the magazines at the checkout? Or went into the service station to pay for our petrol and found racks of XXX magazines in plain sight? Where are we supposed to look? We are literally being bombarded by pornography and filth from all quarters.

We wives and mothers must guard our homes from such pollution, for there is danger ahead. There is danger in allowing our children or grandchildren to be exposed to this filth and bad messages. We have to make sure that our homes are clean in every way. We must faithfully make sure that any music, literature, videos or games are clean and we MUST monitor any TV or DVDs that our children and grandchildren watch. And with the advent of the Net, we must monitor where the children are surfing to. It is so easy (and dangerous too), to have them travel where no children should go.

Woe to the parents who allow their children the “luxury” of a TV in their room. I warn you, there is danger ahead if you allow them to watch anything they desire. Because there is so much emphasis on sex today, the small child can become a walking encyclopaedia of not only The Act, but procreation in or out of marriage, adultery, homosexuality, and all ungodliness. Not to mention witnessing murders, kidnappings, rapes and burglaries at an alarming rate- and taking it all on board, absorbing all this evil like little sponges.

Yes, there is danger ahead. Danger of seeing too much too soon. Of becoming old before their time. Of accepting violence and force as a normal way of living. Precocious and street-wise and hardened. Hardened to feeling compassion for the hurting and hardened to the very basics of Christianity like forgiveness and kindness.

This will take a lot more than a night-time story, glass of milk and “God bless Mummy and Daddy” prayers to fix. For the danger is that little minds will be forever corrupted by what they absorb NOW. And the images foisted on young brains will be contrary to all our lessons on purity and holiness- and it will take a miracle to erase them from our children’s consciousness.

There is danger ahead- but there is safety too. The danger is in ignoring what your children are watching, listening to, surfing to and reading, and the safety is in being diligent in monitoring what comes into your home. We can’t change the world, but we can protect our children’s world in our homes.

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.l”. Romans 12:2

It could be better

When I was married the first time, my husband was not a believer. I was born again 9 years after we married.  I prayed the kind of prayers that only an unequally yoked wife can... Chris is a believer, but I know the anguish being spiritually unyoked can bring... Here is a prayer for the unequally yoked wife...

Father, you said it is not good that man be alone, and in Your love, You created a help meet just for him.

You ordained the first marriage in the Garden of Eden.

And You said it was good! LORD, we who love you and marriage have found ourselves tasting of the beauty in marriage and we agree with You: it is good. 

But he who we have covenanted to love forever is not yet in Your Kingdom- we are together but still lonely... our spirits long for soul intimacy with our husband. 

What we know is good could be much better!  We ask that You bring our husbands into Your Kingdom. A threefold cord isn't easily broken. 

Please grant us our hearts' desire LORD, for being equally yoked is in Your Will..We  pray for strength,

Patience and love to endure this lonely path known only to a Christian wife Who wants a truly godly marriage.

In Jesus' Name we pray.  Amen.

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?  1 Corinthians 7:16

Church at home

Chronic illness and pain bring us a new normal. Often it is very different to life in the past. But there's nothing we can do to change our circumstances. We have to adapt.

I do home church now. Chris has always played Songs of Praise on Channel 2 and we sing along, I listen to some sermons that my local church pastor preaches... (he's good) and then I listen to worship music on my computer. 

I certainly miss the corporate worship, but it's the way it is now and I have to mark the LORD'S Day as best I can. We are OK with that. I often take Communion by myself. It is meaningful to me.

Not attending church is not the ideal, but then having to find out our new normal isn't ideal either. By worshiping at home and making an effort to mark the LORD'S Day, my spirit is nourished nearly as much as if I attended church.

Apart from listening to Songs of Praise, my morning routine of worship and time with the LORD look a lot like Sunday. That's what I tell myself anyway. I can't allow myself to feel false guilt over something beyond my control. In church or at home, my commitment is always with Him.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"For the eyes of the LORD range though out the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." 2 Chronicles 16:9

The litany of everyday life

An encouraging excerpt from: by Margret Kim Peterson.

"God is the creator and has given [us the] privilege of imitating and participating in God’s work as creator.

God ... started with chaos and ended with a...beautiful universe.

Housework is all about bringing order out of chaos.

That heap of damply repulsive clothes on the bathroom floor turns into stacks of neatly folded clean laundry in a matter of hours...

a table piled high with junk mail, school papers, and forgotten socks turns into a table neatly set for a meal...

a sack of potatoes ...turns into a dish of mashed potatoes ...

Housework is never "done" in the same sense ... that God's providential involvement in the world is never done." (End of excerpts)

To sum up: We keep house because we love our families. And we won't be all done today. We will wake up again tomorrow, and receive the gift of another day, and the privilege again, of honorable work to fill our hands. We take care of our families, who love and appreciate us in return.

True, some things are more fun to do than others. Making cookies may be more fun than cleaning toilets. But we still clean the toilet. And we don't fall into self pity over it. We even make a game out of it, and it actually can be fun.

After all, every person on earth has parts of their job that are unpleasant and would be avoided if possible.

As homemakers, we are privileged to be servants of all, and Jesus tells us, "The greatest among you is the servant of all".

He himself demonstrated, by subjecting himself to death on the cross for our sins. From Mothers Are At Home

Blessings, Glenys

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. Proverbs 31:15

How others cope with housework

Housework is never-ending...even for the healthy. I've accepted that I won't be able to keep up like I used to, so I make a "master list of simple chores" once a week and try to cross them off as I do them. Heavy or involved cleaning and chores I didn't complete wait until I have help...or occasionally carry over to next weeks list. At least seeing chores marked off my list helps me to feel that I'm still able to do some things... feel more productive even if the list isn't a lengthy one.

I never would have believed it if it weren't me who has CFS. Seriously! Cleaning in steps and pacing yourself is the most helpful. One 'those' days where you just can't do ANYTHING, don't! If you do, you'll regret it for at least the next day or week. Having CFS changes lives and in our own way, we have to figure out what works for us. Having tips like these certainly help!

With CFS I have found it near on impossible to clean as I use to. Out of sheer desperation watching my home turn into a mess camp I came up with easy to cope with steps to cleaning. Delegating the big jobs to the kids is really important - shopping, vacuuming, mopping and yard work. May not be done to your satisfaction but it is important for the kids to do this or get in home care. My jobs are to maintain the bathrooms and toilets and the washing. In the bathroom after I have showered, I use my soiled clothes to wipe over the recess walls - which keeps the mold away. I keep a hand towel by my basin which is more for the basin than myself. I rinse the basin with fresh water after i have used it and wipe it over. At all times until I can manage a deep clean - my bathrooms remain neat and fresh. The laundry is put on at night so that the kids can hang it up for me. I take down what I can manage during the day and process and put away. When I can cook meals - I cook extra and freeze.

I have two sets of bedding. When the dirty set comes off, it goes in the wash. Then instead of folding the sheets (way too hard on my shoulders!) they go in a wicker basket near the bed for the next week. Skipping the linen closet just makes the job easier.

There's another (free) site out there that has a 'program' written primarily for struggling perfectionists, busy parents, and pack rats - but the basic principle works for us as well. Using a small amount of time to focus on a specific task can accomplish more than you think. And getting in the habit of doing things like giving the sink a quick wipe or the toilet a quick swish daily can maintain the cleanliness without it needing to take a lot of time, energy or elbow grease. (Things we're usually lacking.)

The site advises setting a timer for 15 minutes and focusing on one task or one area without multitasking. I adjust that time to fit how I'm feeling that day. The site also has a community forum - and there is a sub-forum for people like us for tips, successes and frustrations. I don't know if urls are allowed but searching for 'flylady' will work. It's free and it's a godsend if you are the type who has trouble finishing a chore as it helps to shift your mindset.

If you wrote this, please contact me so that I can attribute it to you. Thanks. Love it.

Blessings, Glenys

"Where no counsel [is], the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors [there is] safety". Proverbs 11:14

There's more than one way!

When it comes to doing household chores, there is often more than one way to do it. The creative sacrificial home keeper will improvise or modify in order to do a job with the least amount of energy and pain.

I have modified scrubbing my kitchen floor and cleaning my bath and shower. I cannot extend much energy because of bringing on an angina attack or causing my muscles to cramp on me, and because of spinal problems, kneeling is impossible. So I have come up with a rather unorthodox method of doing them.

For my kitchen floor, I get a bucket of hot water with floor cleaning agent in it. I dip my kitchen broom into the water, shake the excess water off and use that to scrub. If something is stubborn, I splash some extra water onto it and move on to another area. After a minute or so, I return to that spot and it usually lifts off easily. When I am satisfied that an area is clean, I grab an old towel, throw it on the floor and walk on it, soaking up the water as I walk. Unorthodox, yes, but very effective!

For my bath, I fill it with about 3 inches of water to which I add some washing detergent. I swish around the edges with my (washed) kitchen broom and allow it to soak for a few minutes. The broom then becomes a long-handled scrubbing brush as I scrub the bath and edges, dipping it in the soapy water as I go. It is then an easy matter to rinse it down with a jug of water. The bath gleams and I am not even puffing with the effort!

If you have enough energy and feel like it, you can wet your shower stall and use the broom to scrub the glass doors etc, taking care not to slip! Then you can just spray them down. Also, another easy way to maintain a glass shower stall is to give it a quick wash down with shampoo whist you are in the shower: shampoo acts on the soap scum and is a pleasant way to clean. At least it doesn't effect your breathing: breathing in harsh cleaners is never fun!

If you make it a habit to swish your toilet bowl each morning or more frequently if required, it never really needs deep- down, heavy -duty, heart-stopping, back-breaking scrubbing. And a quick swish to get tooth paste out of hand basins and from around tap fittings doesn't take much energy or time: and it saves heaps on both further down the track.

I follow Sylvia's Lists: just by clicking on each relevant day's list, I can see at a glance what needs to be done. I use these methods I have shared with you, to do it. Most times my home is company ready and basically clean where it counts the most.

By using the Lists, I find it saves me from having to think and plan too much- the planning has already been done. I find this most helpful when I have a fibromyalgia brain fog day or when my tablets are causing me to feel like I am thinking with a brain made of cotton wool.

We sacrificial home keepers have to try to keep the home fires burning: if we use unorthodox methods, what does it matter? As long as we can manage and the job gets done, I don't see a problem! I pray some of these things may be of help to you and I hope that if you have any tips (no matter how unorthodox) that you will please share them with us. Blessings as you sacrificially serve God in your home!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"Where no counsel [is], the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors [there is] safety". Proverbs 11:14

Being there for our children

When I grew up in the 50's and 60's the majority of mothers stayed home with their children and didn't baulk at being there. We grew up with Mother always being home when we got home from school, offering us milk and cookies, supervising play and homework, cooking dinner and folding up the laundry. If she wasn't home when we got home it felt as if the world had turned on its axis! Mum was our world and we pitied the few kids at school whose mums worked outside the home! Mum being there was our anchor of security and it is one of the memories of childhood I have where I felt happy and secure. Gradually I noticed that more and more of my friend's mums were working outside the home and I remember one friend in particular who would go home from school, set the dinner table, feed the dogs, and play with me until her mother came home, which was my sign to make tracks home because my dinner would just about be ready. I would skip home glad to know Mum was there bustling around the kitchen or putting her day's laundry over the airer in front of the fire. It was a routine that was as predictable as the setting of the sun. How sad I felt for my friend coming home to an empty house. She may have her gold bracelets and an Osmond's fountain pen that we couldn't afford- but young as I was, I knew which side my bread was buttered on- and as far as I was concerned, I would rather have my Mum home than the pink and white bedroom suite and carpeted bedroom my friend had all to herself. I would gladly share mine with my sister and have Mum where she was. I still feel sad for her today- to my mind she had everything except the most important- a stay at home mother. Today's world has changed so much. Often mothers have to work to provide for their children- and they do a wonderful of job of balancing motherhood and career. But an awful lot of women who could stay home with their children have been hood-winked into believing that they don't contribute to society by staying home with their children! They do not see the value in teaching and training of their children, and they are blind to the infinite blessing of nurturing to the spirit of their babies by just being there- at home! Never before has motherhood taken such a pounding by feminists, employers, TV commercials urging us to consume more and more whilst leaving the most precious of things- our children, under the care of daycare centres and people who give good care but no real love to their children. How I long for those mothers to catch a glimpse of their children's spirits as they are left day after day in the care of people who only see nurturing these children as a job, not a privilege. They are being deprived of the security of knowing that Mom is with them all day, in their own home. They don't care that the house may not be the biggest, they are just as warm in K-mart clothes as designer labels, but they do care that they are deprived of their Mum's time- they just can't express it yet! How do you know they care that their Mum isn't there you say?- I know because I have seen children woken up at early hours from warm beds or cots to be bundled hurriedly into cars to be taken to daycare! I have seen their looks of bewilderment and seen how long it takes for them to settle- granted initially at first- fortunately for them, children are amazingly resilient. And I have seen the look of delight when they see Mum come to pick them up, and I have seen too the little head nuzzling into Mummy's neck soaking up the scent of Mum and her body warmth! Heaven in a child's world! I have seen little ones clinging to carers who are forbidden to attach to one child for too long in case they bond- thus making it difficult to cope with said child if that carer isn't available on any given day! I have seen misery inside those gaily painted daycare centres where all care is taken- but no bonding is allowed. What a stage setting for bonding problems in the adult kids! If a mother could just see inside her child's heart for a moment she would reconsider her position as a working mother. She would stay at home with her children and cut her cloth accordingly. Her education would not be wasted for there is a great challenge in balancing finances on one wage, being a wise mother, cook, nutritionist, nurse, play supervisor, educator and above all else, companion and guide to little ones eager to emulate her. She would find true happiness in herself as she is less pressured for time, and she would have the enjoyment of knowing that she has made the most of the few precious years we have with our children. Our young children want their Mummies, and our older children are looking for something that is lacking- something in their spirit that is empty- the joy of being wanted- and nurtured and loved. Before the car, the house, the clothes, the toys. Before the holidays, the big Christmas presents, the expensive lap-tops. They are hungry for love and bonding. Don't let that be with strangers who offer them acceptance and belonging as they ply them with drugs! You be the one! You are the one they long for! Take back the house keys and stop them being latch-key kids before it's too late. Just be there, Mum. Make a decision in faith that God will provide for your needs- this is His Will for all mothers- it is part of His great plan! If you ever needed to be needed, it's now!  Don't think your boss can't get by without you- he can, but your kids can't. Not if they are going to be godly, loving, confident adults and parents, they can't. But it starts with you. Will you be a part of God's plan in motherhood? Will you trust Him to meet your needs? But most importantly, will you just be there for them? © Glenys Robyn Hicks "But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:19

Housework is spiritual

As a Clean Freak and author of the e-book secret confessions of a clean freak - I can tell you - it's the results of housecleaning that are spiritual.  A clean home feels better.  Plus, you have the pride in a job well done. It's all positive - calming.

Housework left undone is very negative. A constant reminder of things you haven't done. I feel good when my bathroom walls or my stove is shiny. It makes me feel like I have control. And sometimes, that's all I have control over.

And, like all things spiritual, it takes discipline until it becomes habit. Housecleaning is a breeze once you have it under control and you have a routine. Really! I'm a single mom and I get picked on all the time for being too clean - like I have some disease! Guess I'm just a freak! author unknown.

Well, I wouldn't call this author a freak. I know from my own experience that a messy house makes me feel worse than usual and irritable. The trouble for me is getting the energy to do it. But the results of housework certainly are spiritual!

I have known a Christian woman who was part of our home bible group many years ago. Her place looked like a hurricane had struck it. Ants marched along the floor to dine and pillage her overflowing trash container in the kitchen. There wasn't a clean cup or spoon for after the study's fellowship cuppa.

We all cleaned it up so that the ladies who came would be more comfortable, but by the next week it was just the same. Instinctively, we knew that housework is spiritual and that we would not be able to focus on the Word sitting in filth. Filth is not conducive to worshiping God.

These days I am limited in how much I can clean and it often is a source of dismay to me that I can't do as much as I would like. When I do have the spoons (energy) to clean, the results lift my spirits so much that I have to conclude that housework is spiritual. Blessings as you sacrificially set the spiritual tone in cleaning your home.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:27