Sometimes you just have to be separate

Night time has proven to be a difficult time for Chris and I.  We both have problems sleeping and often we keep each other awake.

Chris has osteoarthritis in his hips and shoulder and finds it hard to drop off to sleep. His legs are restless and jumpy and painful he often suffers from bad calf muscle cramps. It is not unusual for me to find him making himself a cup of tea in the middle of the night because he can't sleep. Plus we both have sleep apnea.

But more often than that, it is I who makes it hard for him. I usually go to bed full of pain and can't really get to sleep unless Chris rubs my back. He is very good like that and I usually get to sleep quickly. However, I grind my teeth in my sleep, stop breathing for about a minute, and snore. 

My medications cause GERD which has resulted in me having aspiration pneumonia and left me with asthma. I often wake up unable to breathe, and need to use my inhaler. My blood-thinners Clopidogrel and aspirin (for my stents in my heart to stay open and for antiphospholipid syndrome), cause me to have nosebleeds in my sleep as well.  Poor Chris is often disturbed again with this. So we are not good night time company.

Obviously, not all these things happen every night, but a good lot do and we have often considered sleeping in separate rooms. However, I have a problem with that because I love cuddles and sex if it happens, and I love sleeping in Chris's arms until I drop off to sleep. It has been our custom for the 22 years we have been married.

So we have worked out a strategy for staying close, yet sleeping separately. Chris will come to bed with me, and when I am asleep, he will come out to sleep by himself if he can't drop off.  We haven't actually got another bedroom set up in our new small house, so Chris sleeps in the recliner rocker. 

We are very passionate with each other and very demonstrative and we often sit watching TV holding hands. So there is no problem with closeness. And there is no problem with sleeping separately for the most part.

This situation is not ideal, but when chronic illness threatens to deprive others of their needed rest, something has to be done. We don't see any harm coming into our marriage through separate rooms, in fact, we think under the circumstances, it would enhance it...sometimes you just have to be separate.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. ” Proverbs 3:24