Night time has proven to be a difficult time for Chris and I. We both have problems sleeping and often we keep each other awake.
Chris has osteoarthritis in his hips and shoulder and finds it hard to drop off to sleep. His legs are restless and jumpy and painful he often suffers from bad calf muscle cramps. It is not unusual for me to find him making himself a cup of tea in the middle of the night because he can't sleep. Plus we both have sleep apnea.
But more often than that, it is I who makes it hard for him. I usually go to bed full of pain and can't really get to sleep unless Chris rubs my back. He is very good like that and I usually get to sleep quickly. However, I grind my teeth in my sleep, stop breathing for about a minute, and snore.
My medications cause GERD which has resulted in me having aspiration pneumonia and left me with asthma. I often wake up unable to breathe, and need to use my inhaler. My blood-thinners Clopidogrel and aspirin (for my stents in my heart to stay open and for antiphospholipid syndrome), cause me to have nosebleeds in my sleep as well. Poor Chris is often disturbed again with this. So we are not good night time company.
Obviously, not all these things happen every night, but a good lot do and we have often considered sleeping in separate rooms. However, I have a problem with that because I love cuddles and sex if it happens, and I love sleeping in Chris's arms until I drop off to sleep. It has been our custom for the 24 years we have been married.
So we have worked out a strategy for staying close, yet sleeping separately. Chris will come to bed with me, and when I am asleep, he will come out to sleep by himself if he can't drop off. We haven't actually got another bedroom set up in our new small house, so Chris sleeps in the recliner rocker.
We are very passionate with each other and very demonstrative and we often sit watching TV holding hands. So there is no problem with closeness. And there is no problem with sleeping separately for the most part.
This situation is not ideal, but when chronic illness threatens to deprive others of their needed rest, something has to be done. We don't see any harm coming into our marriage through separate rooms, in fact, we think under the circumstances, it would enhance it...sometimes you just have to be separate.
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
"When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. ” Proverbs 3:24
Exactly. We wish we had an extra bedroom, but the couch works fine for whichever one of us can't sleep for some reason in the bedroom. I'm always saying, "I promise I didn't kick him to the couch! It's just more comfortable there!" :)
ReplyDeleteThat's the only bad thing: telling people. Most people- and I was one of them, feel that there's marital disharmony when you have separate sleeping arrangements. We actually have decided to sleep in separate rooms and we will be telling family and friends that we are still on good terms. Because we know people will speculate, so we intend to be "transparent". Do you find you have to explain too, Janine?
DeleteOnly when people come over and the couch is made up! :)
DeleteYes, that would beg an explanation lol
DeleteGlenys, Sleeping in separate rooms is totally understandable when you are disturbing one another. A few people may judge you, but your motivation is right. You are doing it to get better sleep and give better sleep. I think the arrangement of spending time together at the beginning of the night is beautiful. And then separating when you begin to disturb the other. This is so much different than the motivation of sleeping apart because you dislike each other. As people age, we often have sleep problems. Studies have shown in these instances, often the people get better sleep by sleeping in separate rooms. Which frankly, can make the daytime hours better because you are more rested.
ReplyDeleteTheresa, it's been working out for us. Now that we have told our family of our decision, it has become easier to accept. Thanks for having a cuppa with me today!
ReplyDelete